Addiction to Love: Overcoming Obsession and Dependency in Relationships

by Susan Peabody

Love addiction manifests in many forms, from Fatal Attraction-type obsessive lust to less extreme but nonetheless psychologically and emotionally harmful forms. The most common of these is staying in a bad relationship because of a fear of being alone-the "I hate you but don't leave me" relationship. In ADDICTION TO LOVE, recovering love addict Susan Peabody explains the variety of ways this disorder plays out, from the obsessively doting love addict to the addict who can't disentangle from an unfulfilling, dead-end relationship. Peabody provides an in-depth and easy-to-follow recovery program for those suffering from this unhealthy and often dangerous addiction and explains how to create a loving, safe, and fulfilling relationship.

• A seminal work on unhealthy and obsessive behaviors in love, and how to change behavior to have a positive relationship. This third edition includes a new introduction and revisions to the text throughout.

• Some symptoms of love addiction include love at first sight, excessive fantasizing, abnormal jealousy, nagging, and accepting dishonesty.

• Even relationships with parents, children, siblings, or friends may be addictive-dependency is not always related to romantic love.

• Previous editions have sold more than 40,000 copies."Love addiction is a three-headed serpent that Susan Peabody adeptly slays. This is the quintessential book for any love addict or counselor needing to fully understand this highly prevalent and complex disorder. Susan detects and dissects aspects of this condition not comprehended in other books of its kind. Recovery is possible. This book makes it possible to take the succinct steps necessary toward a loving and reciprocal long-term intimate relationship."-Sudi Scull, M.F.T., C.N., psychotherapist and nutritionist

Genres: Self Help, Psychology, Nonfiction, Relationships, Addiction, Love, Audiobook

226 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1989

About the author

Susan Peabody is an educator, writer, and counselor. Her goal is to help people feel better about themselves and about life. Her published books include "Addiction to Love," "The Art of Changing," "Recovery Workbook for Love Addicts and Love Avoidants, and her autobiographical allegory, "Where Love Abides." For more about Susan and her writings contact her at http://www.brightertomorrow.net/ or susanpeabody@gmail.com

Reviews

[Matt · Rating 2 out of 5]

The low rating doesn't reflect a complete lack of helpful material in Addiction to Love, but rather the fact that there are much more helpful books on this topic.

Addiction to Love was first published in 1989, and it shows. What Peabody calls "love addiction" seems to be a blending of what would currently be considered codependency and attachment wounds, and I'd recommend studying a well-reviewed recent book on either topic (or ideally both) for a more nuanced, productive approach to working through relationship issues.

Plus, the term "love addiction" brings a certain amount of shame and drama to the book that, paired with the "scared straight" rhetoric that Peabody occasionally indulges in, seems unhelpful and untoward by today's standards.

[andrew y · Rating 3 out of 5]

It does what it says it will do, no more and no less. If you think you should read this book you probably should.

[Zahraa Hussin. · Rating 4 out of 5]

As someone suffering from fantasy addiction for all of my life. This book was helpful. And I feel like ohh there is another people live their lives in their heads like me.I am not the only one who do that. I hope that one day I will recover from the curse of imagination. I hope one day I can say what recovering addicts say: We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.

[Dan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Love addict doesn't mean a person that loves too much or clingy. Most of the time it does but as this book shows that even a distant, independent or even a narcissist can be love addicts. Just at the other end of spectrum.
Very instructive book. Balance is everything and that goes with love of God too, becoming addicted to the love of God leads to religious fundamentalism and that is something I don't agree with.
Most of the books like this one, over emphasize traits quite dramatically making the reader think "Oh my God, I have this and that, I am a terrible person, I am a catastrophe" , don't worry about, the reason to take the traits to a dramatic extreme is for educational purpose. An intense color is easier to see than one that is fade o blends in, so the authors create "pure types" some as physics uses the ideal gas model.
It also depends on the author personal experience and bias.
Other than that the book is a very good one.
A lot to think about and learn. A must read!

[Melissa Santiago · Rating 4 out of 5]

did a paper on this in high school it was very interesting.

[NE · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't find this book necessarily as interesting as the concept of love addiction itself. In the addiction sphere, I was interested to find the physiological consequences of love used to contest the classification of substance addiction as a disease, i.e. "If addiction is a disease, so is love" says Marc Lewis. My instinctual reaction was to reject this idea as somewhat gimmicky, but it definitely warranted further investigation.

Although I do not think the author intended to, this book left me feeling as though all love could be classified as addictive based on the author's standards. In a lot of the case studies she highlighted, the individuals could have been thought of as people with addictions. But, they could have also been viewed as people with underdeveloped coping strategies, attachment problems, self-esteem issues, trauma, emotional repression, etc. It seemed like the vignettes were painted with the broad brush of "love addiction" but they could have just as well been examples of other negative behavioral patterns.

"If all you have is a hammer, everything looks like a nail".

To supplement this book, I went to the systematic review "Addicted to love: What is love addiction and when should it be treated?" (Earp et. al., 2017). Based on this reading + Peabody's book, I think "love addiction" may legitimately be a factor in certain circumstances, but I would subscribe to the narrow view in which it is only addiction in the presence of fiercely destructive consequences. Just as doing a drug doesn't make it an addiction, being in love doesn't make it an addiction.

[Jonna 🐼 Panda Josefine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Addiction to love;
Very very interesting! For someone like me the subject “love” has always been extremely complicated. And when I started reading this book I could feel the inner me standing up saying “hello my name is Jonna and I am a love addict!”. I’ve never been able to stay single for long and even when single it’s hard not to crave and demand a romantic attention.

This book described the different types of love addiction; romance, sex, relationships, attention. Sometimes love makes you go crazy, literally. Sometimes people can’t deal with loneliness or having a life without a partner and that’s not always, almost never, healthy. It’s very easy to understand, well written and well explained. But I mean... sometimes this book made me feel like everyone that is in love is just simply an addict xD but it explains it all.

I know and have known many love addicts in my life and it’s very much like any other addiction. Some people don’t know how to stop when it comes to anything, including love, which means that they create an addiction to everything in their life. I am one of those. Black or white, nothing in between. This book made me understand and try to forgive some people that I know recognize as love addicts... and maybe it helped me understand and one day forgive myself as well.

It also provides with great tips on how to handle love addiction! (Although these types of addictions demands psychiatric and therapeutic care and can’t be fixed by just a book but it’s a start)
5/5! ✨✨✨✨✨

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

"Addictions to Love" is a decent and quick read. It's no literary masterpiece, and it feels a little like a tacky reenactment in a true crime show. That said, I still found some valuable takeaways. The books provides lots of references for further reading and a number of reflection exercises that I genuinely found useful.
The language around addiction and recovery is notably outdated and is thus uncomfortable in the same way sand in your swimsuit makes you squirm. If you can take what you will and leave the rest, I definitely recommend this book for anyone interested in exploring their relational patterns and finding their way to healthier relationships.

[Kelly · Rating 3 out of 5]

I really loved the general information regarding this addiction. I was able to reach inside myself and get a general idea of what I need to do to heal!

I do however think the emphasis on God was a little too in your face. It almost seemed like the message she was trying to get across is that "you absolutely cannot heal without divine intervention from God him/herself" it didn't sit to well with me and honestly and only made my journey on this path seem that much harder, as I struggle with the whole God thing.

[Elizabeth · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was looking for a book on codependency, and this is definitely not it, even though the word "dependency" in the title. While there were interesting points and some decent thoughts, the author's solutions were all "don't do that" or "pick better," which don't seem like helpful pieces of advice. This book also has an entire section on spirituality that is very evidently focused around Christianity, and a lot of the values Peabody pushes are Christian values. She essentially insinuates anything other than a heteronormative Christian relationship is a bad or wrong relationship.

[Becky Stevenson · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is pretty good and I think anyone who suspects they may have codependence issues (or that a traumatic past affects their ability to love and receive love) should read it. It’s heavily influenced by 12-step fellowships, which I think is good to note. I felt like some of it resonated with me while most did not, which was encouraging, but I nevertheless think it’s worth reading to better understand attachment issues

[Dan Stern · Rating 4 out of 5]

And excellent overview of the whole attachment theory space. I especially liked the deeper expansions of the love ambivalent type. The mix between anxious and avoidant is not often emphasized but some people can be a real Jekyll and Hyde in this regard. Understanding this and having compassion with a partner who vacillates between this extremes if very helpful to understand.

[Caitlin · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was very resourceful in so many ways. It provided helpful information and clear reasons as to why love addiction occurs and ways it can be addressed, as well as pinpointing potential co-occurring issues.

[Cori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Eye opening and inspiring. I wish I had read this many years ago. Four stars because of the chapters on spirituality… was a little too Christian for me and I skipped that chapter. The rest was gold though.

[David · Rating 4 out of 5]

Book

Helpful and glad I read it. Will look for other books Susan Peabody has written on this subject. Until next time.

[Gabby Metzler · Rating 3 out of 5]

It's all true but it's so cursory and just skims the surface of the subject. Good for people who aren't into emotional work.

[Shafin's Destiny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Powerful.

[Erin Goettsch · Rating 2 out of 5]

This isn’t BAD exactly but it feels very dated. It’s just okay. Find something more updated and nuanced.

[Tsun Tsun · Rating 3 out of 5]

Too much God

[Mason Yates · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has a lot of interesting points and details to be taken into consideration. I found the later chapters, especially, to be the most interesting.

[Carmel · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a book that should be in schools to teach people about love of what to do and what not to do. This book has helped me break old habbits that didnt work at all in love and thought me to take my time and change my way to finding love. I am so greatful for this book to come into my hands I now have a different out look at love and how to play the game. Happy reading all. Thanks heaps to the writer.

[Lina · Rating 5 out of 5]

i found this interesting

[Vikas · Rating 4 out of 5]

might be interesting...

[Mb_presents · Rating 5 out of 5]

just great!

[Tamara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very good mix of technical and practical discussion. Easy to read and very helpful.

[Natasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

it indeed a good eye opener on how unconsciously we develop a co dependency in a relationship and continue to live under the illusive umbrella of love..

[Jaime · Rating 5 out of 5]

I found this book to be fascinating. Not just for romantic relationships, but for relationships with friends and family. Eye opening for anyone struggling with feeling like they love too much.

[Annabel Clare · Rating 5 out of 5]

Best book I’ve read about this topic. Read again-super useful