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Shamed: The Honour Killing That Shocked Britain – by the Sister Who Fought for Justice
In 1998, Sarbjit Athwal was called by her husband to attend a family meeting. It looked like just another family gathering. An attractive house in west London, a large dining room, two brothers, their mother, one wife. But the subject they were discussing was anything but ordinary. At the head of the group sat the elderly mother. She stared proudly around, smiling at her children, then raised her hand for silence. 'It's decided then,' the old lady announced. 'We have to get rid of her.'
'Her' was Surjit Athwal, Sarbjit's sister-in-law. Within three weeks of that meeting, Surjit was dead: lured from London to India, drugged, strangled, and her body dumped in the Ravi River, never to be seen again.
After the killing, risking her own life, Sarbjit fought secretly for justice for nine long, scared years. Eventually, with immense bravery, she became the first person within a murderer's family ever to go into open court in an honour killing trial as the Prosecution's key witness, and the first to waive her anonymity in such a trial. As a result of her testimony, the trial led to the first successful prosecution of an honour killing without the body ever being found.
But her story doesn't end there. Since the trial, her life has been threatened; her own husband arrested after an allegation of intimidation. Shamed is a story of fear and of horror - but also of immense courage, and a woman who risked everything to see that justice was done.
322 pages, Kindle Edition
First published June 1, 2013
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2036 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 117 reviews
May 20, 2015
I found the first part of the book fascinating - describing the author's upbringing in a loving but strict Sikh family, where she was strongly protected from any contamination from standard British culture. For instance she went to an ordinary school, but the moment she got home she had to take off her uniform. She wasn't allowed to go to the homes of the other school children, or allowed to invite any of them back to her house. She was brought up almost wholly within the confines of her own culture.
In the latter part of the book she has an arranged marriage to someone who was part of a British Sikh family; a family run by a murderous and controlling matriarch. This woman was literally murderous - arranging for the killing of the author's rather rebellious sister-in-law. A so called honour killing. The rest of the book, covering a period of about seven years, explains how this woman and her son (also implicated) came to be bought to justice. Regrettably the writing in this part of the book left me unmoved. I just couldn't get into it.
This book was culturally interesting, but not very readable.
In the latter part of the book she has an arranged marriage to someone who was part of a British Sikh family; a family run by a murderous and controlling matriarch. This woman was literally murderous - arranging for the killing of the author's rather rebellious sister-in-law. A so called honour killing. The rest of the book, covering a period of about seven years, explains how this woman and her son (also implicated) came to be bought to justice. Regrettably the writing in this part of the book left me unmoved. I just couldn't get into it.
This book was culturally interesting, but not very readable.
August 3, 2013
Absolutely amazing. I can't imagine how Sarbjit went through all this. She is the one of the bravest people I have ever come across. She is absolutely amazing. I loved reading the book and can't imagine what it was like for her to go through all that, I'm so glad it was all worth it in the end and justice has been made. She did what she had to do even though she was risking her own life to protect someone else's name and she fought until the end. So glad I read this book it's now one of my favourite reads. If I could give it 100stars I would!! Simply amazing and unforgettable. X
August 11, 2025
I am not usually one to pick up a memoir, but after hearing about Shamed on a true crime podcast, I knew I had to read it. This story hits close to home, especially since I’ve witnessed and been part of this culture myself. It was a difficult read— not just because of what Sarbjit goes through, but also because it reveals how deeply ingrained the expectations is from a young age not to speak out against elders. The way this plays out later in her life was heartbreaking.
Even though I already knew how it ended, I was on the edge of my seat every time, hoping for a different outcome. It’s so sad to see the journey they all endured, from beginning to end, simply because she wanted more freedom and the chance to live her own life.
What’s even more painful is that many in the community still blame Sarbjit. They acknowledge that a murder may have taken place, yet they hold her responsible for speaking out against her family. That kind of victim-blaming is shocking and highlights how ingrained the culture of silence really is.
I’m so glad that Sarbjit and Surjit’s children now share a strong bond with each other and continue to honor Surjit’s memory every year.
Even though I already knew how it ended, I was on the edge of my seat every time, hoping for a different outcome. It’s so sad to see the journey they all endured, from beginning to end, simply because she wanted more freedom and the chance to live her own life.
What’s even more painful is that many in the community still blame Sarbjit. They acknowledge that a murder may have taken place, yet they hold her responsible for speaking out against her family. That kind of victim-blaming is shocking and highlights how ingrained the culture of silence really is.
I’m so glad that Sarbjit and Surjit’s children now share a strong bond with each other and continue to honor Surjit’s memory every year.
December 12, 2021
PODCASTové zamyslenie je tu
Mladučká Indka Surjit mala len šestnásť rokov, keď ju rodina žijúca v Londýne v duchu starých tradícií vydala. Lenže život v dohodnutom manželstve u panovačnej a pokryteckej sovkry Bachan Kaur je pre ňu utrpením. Odmieta sa prispôsobiť podradnému postaveniu sikhskej ženy. Surjit túži žiť ako normálna, moderná Angličanka. Za svoj vzdor však zaplatí najvyššiu cenu. Veď čo znamená život prostej sikhskej ženy, keď ide o česť rodiny? Krutá Bachan Kaur vyláka nevestu do Indie a tam dokoná svoj diabolský plán. Dá Surjit zavraždiť za hanobenie rodiny.
Keď sa v rovnakej situácii ocitne aj Sarbjit, švagriná mŕtvej Surjti, po dlhom a ťažkom vnútornom boji sa odhodlá odhaliť pravdu. Ani surové zastrašovanie a manželove vyhrážky mladú ženu nezastavia. Tak ako Surjit aj ona sa stáva nehanebnicou.
Neuveriteľný, no skutočný príbeh dvoch mlaých žien odkrýva zlovestné tabu sikhskej komunity žijúcej v londýnskych štvrtiach - tolerované vraždenie v mene zachovania rodinnej cti.
Tááákže, pome na to... lebo toto nie je ľahká téma. A to som v Anglicku žila, priamo v niektorých "indických" štvrtiach a v práci som mala viaceré indické kolegyne. Plus poznám niekoľko Sikhov a ich rodiny.
To nič nemení na fakte, že radikalizmus je škodlivý kdekoľvek. Každé náboženstvo a vierovyznanie má svoje zvyky a pravidlá, ktoré sa postupne (niekedy áno, veľmi pomaly) menia a prispôsobujú novšej a novšej dobe... Postoje a udalosti, ktoré naštartujú tento tragický príbeh nám môžu prísť veľmi zaostalé a spiatočnícke. Buďme však otvorení, ani manželstvá v západnom svete založené na slobodnej voli a "láske" dvoch ľudí nie sú starobylým zvykom... Je to možno storočie-dve dozadu, keď i tu sa ľudia brali lebo spájali majetky.
Čo však zaráža, je fakt, že rodinná česť vie preskočiť, zničiť a dokonca vziať život. A to žiadne náboženstvo, pokiaľ viem, nepodporuje...vždy ide o nejaký výklad jednotlivca :(
V tomto príbehu sa stretlo viac nešťastných kombinácií a možností a kým sa z toho hlavná hrdinka vymotala, tak prešlo veľa rokov. Na druhú stranu toto je opis udalostí z pohľadu, ženy, ktorá stála celkom blízko a z prvej ruky videla následky. Nielen pre svoju švagrinú, ale i pre seba a svoje deti... Vždy sa ľudia pýtajú a prečo neodišla skôr? Prečo to neoznámila? Prečo sa nechala týrať? Odpoveď je, že je to vždy jednoduchšie z pohľadu z vonka... Lebo nevidíme všetky nitky... Táto kniha nám ponúka možnosť nahliadnuť za oponu a do mysle ženy, zachvátenej strachom, ktorá sa len postupne z toho dostáva....
A preto, pýtajte sa svojich známych, ako sa majú, či su v poriadku a nepotrebujú niečo. Lebo už len to, že pri nich niekto je, je občas ten posledný krok, aby vykročili za svojou záchranou.
Pre zdatných v angličtine tu je aj YT video, ktoré síce vynecháva úlohu Sarbjit až do takmer úplného konca a ona sama v ňom vôbec nefiguruje, aj napriek tomu oplatí sa pozrieť na akcie a rozhovor s Surjitiným bratom.
Prvá veta: V roku 1998 odišla z domu mladá Angličanka – a už sa nikdy nevrátila.
Posledná veta: Surjitino telo sa nikdy nenašlo.
Goodreads Challenge 2021: 95. kniha
Mladučká Indka Surjit mala len šestnásť rokov, keď ju rodina žijúca v Londýne v duchu starých tradícií vydala. Lenže život v dohodnutom manželstve u panovačnej a pokryteckej sovkry Bachan Kaur je pre ňu utrpením. Odmieta sa prispôsobiť podradnému postaveniu sikhskej ženy. Surjit túži žiť ako normálna, moderná Angličanka. Za svoj vzdor však zaplatí najvyššiu cenu. Veď čo znamená život prostej sikhskej ženy, keď ide o česť rodiny? Krutá Bachan Kaur vyláka nevestu do Indie a tam dokoná svoj diabolský plán. Dá Surjit zavraždiť za hanobenie rodiny.
Keď sa v rovnakej situácii ocitne aj Sarbjit, švagriná mŕtvej Surjti, po dlhom a ťažkom vnútornom boji sa odhodlá odhaliť pravdu. Ani surové zastrašovanie a manželove vyhrážky mladú ženu nezastavia. Tak ako Surjit aj ona sa stáva nehanebnicou.
Neuveriteľný, no skutočný príbeh dvoch mlaých žien odkrýva zlovestné tabu sikhskej komunity žijúcej v londýnskych štvrtiach - tolerované vraždenie v mene zachovania rodinnej cti.
Tááákže, pome na to... lebo toto nie je ľahká téma. A to som v Anglicku žila, priamo v niektorých "indických" štvrtiach a v práci som mala viaceré indické kolegyne. Plus poznám niekoľko Sikhov a ich rodiny.
To nič nemení na fakte, že radikalizmus je škodlivý kdekoľvek. Každé náboženstvo a vierovyznanie má svoje zvyky a pravidlá, ktoré sa postupne (niekedy áno, veľmi pomaly) menia a prispôsobujú novšej a novšej dobe... Postoje a udalosti, ktoré naštartujú tento tragický príbeh nám môžu prísť veľmi zaostalé a spiatočnícke. Buďme však otvorení, ani manželstvá v západnom svete založené na slobodnej voli a "láske" dvoch ľudí nie sú starobylým zvykom... Je to možno storočie-dve dozadu, keď i tu sa ľudia brali lebo spájali majetky.
Čo však zaráža, je fakt, že rodinná česť vie preskočiť, zničiť a dokonca vziať život. A to žiadne náboženstvo, pokiaľ viem, nepodporuje...vždy ide o nejaký výklad jednotlivca :(
V tomto príbehu sa stretlo viac nešťastných kombinácií a možností a kým sa z toho hlavná hrdinka vymotala, tak prešlo veľa rokov. Na druhú stranu toto je opis udalostí z pohľadu, ženy, ktorá stála celkom blízko a z prvej ruky videla následky. Nielen pre svoju švagrinú, ale i pre seba a svoje deti... Vždy sa ľudia pýtajú a prečo neodišla skôr? Prečo to neoznámila? Prečo sa nechala týrať? Odpoveď je, že je to vždy jednoduchšie z pohľadu z vonka... Lebo nevidíme všetky nitky... Táto kniha nám ponúka možnosť nahliadnuť za oponu a do mysle ženy, zachvátenej strachom, ktorá sa len postupne z toho dostáva....
A preto, pýtajte sa svojich známych, ako sa majú, či su v poriadku a nepotrebujú niečo. Lebo už len to, že pri nich niekto je, je občas ten posledný krok, aby vykročili za svojou záchranou.
Pre zdatných v angličtine tu je aj YT video, ktoré síce vynecháva úlohu Sarbjit až do takmer úplného konca a ona sama v ňom vôbec nefiguruje, aj napriek tomu oplatí sa pozrieť na akcie a rozhovor s Surjitiným bratom.
Prvá veta: V roku 1998 odišla z domu mladá Angličanka – a už sa nikdy nevrátila.
Posledná veta: Surjitino telo sa nikdy nenašlo.
Goodreads Challenge 2021: 95. kniha
March 26, 2014
I wouldn't say this was an enjoyable read but it was a very interesting read. It was a clash of cultures, they lived within their Indian Sikh culture/religion in a western world where honoring your elders is everything and bringing shame upon your family should be avoided at all costs.
Surjit unfortunately brought shame on her family simply because she was fighting against the restraints of an abusive and bullying mother in law and husband. Being exposed to the western way of life was very tempting for her. So Bachun Khan her mother in law decided she "had to go". Both her sons who were insipid mummy's boys did her bidding.
The worst part I thought was when Sarbjit had a ruptured ulcer and was bleeding from every orifice in her bathroom, one of her daughters fetched her husband and Sarbjit asked him to call an ambulance. His first phone call was to his mother asking for permission to call for an ambulance. WOW!
Hooray to Sarbjit for fighting for justice for her sister-in-law and finally getting it against terrible odds, ie her bullying, controlling in-laws whilst still staying true to her faith and way of life.
Surjit unfortunately brought shame on her family simply because she was fighting against the restraints of an abusive and bullying mother in law and husband. Being exposed to the western way of life was very tempting for her. So Bachun Khan her mother in law decided she "had to go". Both her sons who were insipid mummy's boys did her bidding.
The worst part I thought was when Sarbjit had a ruptured ulcer and was bleeding from every orifice in her bathroom, one of her daughters fetched her husband and Sarbjit asked him to call an ambulance. His first phone call was to his mother asking for permission to call for an ambulance. WOW!
Hooray to Sarbjit for fighting for justice for her sister-in-law and finally getting it against terrible odds, ie her bullying, controlling in-laws whilst still staying true to her faith and way of life.
July 18, 2013
Normally, I tend to go for fiction over biographies or, in this case, memoirs, but something about this book jumped out at me. I decided to buy and I'm so glad that I did. This is an incredible story, and a rare insight into such a culture. I was inspired by Sarbjit's struggle to seek justice for her sister-in-law, going against decades of indoctrination and cultural pressure to fight for what she believed in. Honour killings are often so well covered up and I found it so interesting to see how the Sikh community reacted to Sarbjit's actions. All in all, this was an amazing book!
March 4, 2014
This was a very interesting story with great potential. It was written quite well, but could have been told better. Two things kept this from being a really entertaining story: 1) She was a victim from start to end. I would have preferred she would have been stronger and chose to dictate her own path rather than simply going along, and 2) The story was almost entirely narrated. We were told what happened instead of sharing in the dialog and coming to our own conclusion from watching the scene. That said, Sarbjit did a tremendous job in the writing and has great potential. I hope she writes some more.
August 30, 2015
This is a story I already knew a great deal about from media coverage at the time the incident happened and after during the court case. But when I mentioned having read the book many of my friends seemed unfamiliar with the issue.
I appreciated the insight to the Sikh religion, the practices and prayer, vegetarianism, the arranged marriage custom practiced, even by immigrants to Britain.
A forward written by detective Clive Driscoll who took up the case for Sarbjit and saw it to conclusion explained much of the legal process as did insertions of his conversations with the author's family during the long years before a successful ending.
Every woman should read this book, at least be familiar with the case.
I appreciated the insight to the Sikh religion, the practices and prayer, vegetarianism, the arranged marriage custom practiced, even by immigrants to Britain.
A forward written by detective Clive Driscoll who took up the case for Sarbjit and saw it to conclusion explained much of the legal process as did insertions of his conversations with the author's family during the long years before a successful ending.
Every woman should read this book, at least be familiar with the case.
July 31, 2017
Berührend. Lebensnah. Echt.
January 21, 2024
A gripping real-life story told with courage and conviction. This book was unputdownable; the writing was clear and the voice, strong and true.
This account of a so-called "honor" killing foregrounds how a religion that keeps a community strong and safe may also be distorted and used for evil purposes. It highlights how women may be silenced by perpetrators of crime by declaring them as liars and unfit potential witnesses; saying they are mentally deranged, controlling them so they do not have access to help, or the means to escape easily. It shows how criminals may manipulate public opinion, presenting an acceptable "face" to the outside world, and hiding the secrets of their crimes in the "safe haven" of the family. It even demonstrates how women matriarchs may perpetuate patriarchy by subjugating sisters.
The author of this story shows clearly how her sister-in-law paid the ultimate price for asserting herself, and there is a sad irony in her murder; it is the criminals' ultimate way of taking away a victim's voice forever.
But the hope in this true story is that a woman of courage spoke out to help the cycle of victimization stop, so that women are forewarned and forearmed. Perpetrators commit crimes because they can; raising awareness of this and fighting against this vile injustice is an act of honor. A highly-recommended book that is so much more than just another account of murder; it should be read by women and girls all over the world, whatever their creed or culture.
This account of a so-called "honor" killing foregrounds how a religion that keeps a community strong and safe may also be distorted and used for evil purposes. It highlights how women may be silenced by perpetrators of crime by declaring them as liars and unfit potential witnesses; saying they are mentally deranged, controlling them so they do not have access to help, or the means to escape easily. It shows how criminals may manipulate public opinion, presenting an acceptable "face" to the outside world, and hiding the secrets of their crimes in the "safe haven" of the family. It even demonstrates how women matriarchs may perpetuate patriarchy by subjugating sisters.
The author of this story shows clearly how her sister-in-law paid the ultimate price for asserting herself, and there is a sad irony in her murder; it is the criminals' ultimate way of taking away a victim's voice forever.
But the hope in this true story is that a woman of courage spoke out to help the cycle of victimization stop, so that women are forewarned and forearmed. Perpetrators commit crimes because they can; raising awareness of this and fighting against this vile injustice is an act of honor. A highly-recommended book that is so much more than just another account of murder; it should be read by women and girls all over the world, whatever their creed or culture.
April 14, 2016
There are books and then there is this book. WOW. To begin with I wasn't sure whether I was going to enjoy this, as although this topic interests me, there aren't many books that can do it justice. Sarbjit's story resonated with me in more ways than one and I hated that it came to an end, despite being glad that the evil of Bachan and Sukhdave was finally realised. There are many Sarbjit's and Surjit's living among us and I hope and pray that this book helps then to see that they don't have to put up with it because that's what they are expected to do. I did not want to put this book down and would definitely recommend it to anyone who wants any sort of insight into what many young Asian girls are going through, and into the topic of HBV itself. My review can't do this book justice; you only have to be human to realise there's a bit of Sarbjit in all of us and that we have the power to prevent many Bachan's from continuing to pour their venom across society.
July 28, 2013
Sarbjit Kaur Athwal has to be one of the bravest women I've read about. It is hard to think stories like this are truly happening everyday in some families. The ideas of honour and shame being more important than a perspn's happiness, well-being and even their lives. I guess it is easy for those of us who are raised in Western culture to judge the people who practise such different beliefs to us, but as Sarbjit mentions, when you grow up and are born into such rigid family structures, it seems normal. I admire her strength and courage for standing up for her beliefs and standing up for her murdered sister-in-law when she was constantly threatened by her husband and his family.
August 20, 2017
Oh My God! Sarbjit has shown great courage to make sure that Surjit got the justice she deserved.
It's disgusting to think that people are ready to dismiss a murderer and save the honour of a name. Sikhism isn't about that but about treating everyone as ana equal. Sarbjit has done an amazing job by bringing Bachan and Sukhdave to the sentence they deserve. It must have been so tough for her but she did it.
This book displays a courageous and brave act.
It's disgusting to think that people are ready to dismiss a murderer and save the honour of a name. Sikhism isn't about that but about treating everyone as ana equal. Sarbjit has done an amazing job by bringing Bachan and Sukhdave to the sentence they deserve. It must have been so tough for her but she did it.
This book displays a courageous and brave act.
May 26, 2016
This is not most smoothly written story. The flow in some sentences could have been better, for instance. How it is an engrossing read about culture, crime, and honor. Athwal is not critical of her religion (rightly) but more critical of the culture that allows for such things. Additionally, she also notes the failings of local authorities.
February 6, 2021
Reading Shamed by Sarbjit Kaur Athwal horrified me. It horrified me to know that there are people in this world who are so cruel, so disgusting and utterly terrifying. It frightened me so much that at a point I was genuinely scared to read ahead, I was conflicted between keeping it aside to never know what happened next or finishing it up so I could finally sleep at night without constantly thinking about it.
All Sarbjit’s sister-in-law Surjit wanted was freedom from her cruel and abusive in-laws, and the only way she could achieve that was by getting a divorce. But what would the so-called society think? Thought the in-laws, a divorce would tarnish their reputation, so it was decided; she had to be ‘honor killed’. Sarbjit could do nothing but wait in horror as her mother-in-law took Surjit away from Hayes to India to ‘get rid of her.’ If Sarbjit dared to say a word, her fate would be as horrifying as her late sister-in-law: strangled and thrown into a river near a neighboring country – never to be found again. How would she ever find justice for Surjit while being surrounded by the murderers inside her own home?
Sarbjit was never allowed to make friends when she was young, nor was she allowed a basic freedom during her childhood, and if it wasn’t for the British law, she couldn’t have gotten into school, either. She spent her childhood in taking care of her siblings and cousins, or cooking and cleaning. If that wasn’t enough, she was sent to India to get an ‘extensive training’ on how to be a good wife by relatives she barely knew. I felt sorry for her, especially when she realized how she missed out on all the bright prospects in her life because of the strict rules given by her family.
This book made me realize how privileged I was while growing up. In fact, I always thought everyone else grew up the same way as I did, but I was so wrong.
The courage Sarbjit Kaur Athwal summed up to write this book was worth admiring. For someone who grew up by the opinions of the society, this book was a major step into expressing the harsh truth. Her bravery has been underrated, though. I had to use the word ‘underrated’ because, I couldn’t believe what some book reviewers wrote about this memoir on Goodreads. They were blaming the author for not doing things she clearly explained why she couldn’t do. I mean, this book wasn’t a work of fiction; she couldn’t have changed the story’s course the way she would’ve wanted. That’s not real life, so stop being naïve.
Ouff…. This book was a lot to take it. I need a break. 5/5 stars.
All Sarbjit’s sister-in-law Surjit wanted was freedom from her cruel and abusive in-laws, and the only way she could achieve that was by getting a divorce. But what would the so-called society think? Thought the in-laws, a divorce would tarnish their reputation, so it was decided; she had to be ‘honor killed’. Sarbjit could do nothing but wait in horror as her mother-in-law took Surjit away from Hayes to India to ‘get rid of her.’ If Sarbjit dared to say a word, her fate would be as horrifying as her late sister-in-law: strangled and thrown into a river near a neighboring country – never to be found again. How would she ever find justice for Surjit while being surrounded by the murderers inside her own home?
Sarbjit was never allowed to make friends when she was young, nor was she allowed a basic freedom during her childhood, and if it wasn’t for the British law, she couldn’t have gotten into school, either. She spent her childhood in taking care of her siblings and cousins, or cooking and cleaning. If that wasn’t enough, she was sent to India to get an ‘extensive training’ on how to be a good wife by relatives she barely knew. I felt sorry for her, especially when she realized how she missed out on all the bright prospects in her life because of the strict rules given by her family.
This book made me realize how privileged I was while growing up. In fact, I always thought everyone else grew up the same way as I did, but I was so wrong.
The courage Sarbjit Kaur Athwal summed up to write this book was worth admiring. For someone who grew up by the opinions of the society, this book was a major step into expressing the harsh truth. Her bravery has been underrated, though. I had to use the word ‘underrated’ because, I couldn’t believe what some book reviewers wrote about this memoir on Goodreads. They were blaming the author for not doing things she clearly explained why she couldn’t do. I mean, this book wasn’t a work of fiction; she couldn’t have changed the story’s course the way she would’ve wanted. That’s not real life, so stop being naïve.
Ouff…. This book was a lot to take it. I need a break. 5/5 stars.
December 27, 2021
This is terrifically hard to read, as a British Sikh woman.
Not because I don't believe it, but I know, for a fact that there have been women, like Sarbjit, who have been cushioned from all things Western, in their life, here in the UK, despite being born and brought up here. They haven't been awarded the freedom of their peers, citing culture and their community, and 'honour' as a reason.
I always count myself lucky to have been born into a family for whom doing the right thing was more important than the expected thing.
Sarbjit's book details the horrific true story of one of the first honour killings that resulted in a conviction of the perpetrators - the victim's mother-in-law and her husband. And all because she was not willing to toe the line they were throwing.
We learn of how Sarbjit was brought up to be 'respectful' of her elders and the community (read scared, not respectful) and how she could/should never go against them, for fear of shaming her family.
How her arranged marriage was foisted upon her, and how she suffered the pain of knowing what had happened to Surjit, the other daughter-in-law of the family, yet felt unable to do anything, paralysed with the fear of what may happen to her, her children, the family...
It's stories like these that do build up your faith in the law, when you know there are individuals like DCI Clive who stood with her, and believed her, and in the end, managed to secure the conviction of the murderers.
Yes, I felt angry, almost annoyed, at why she didn't step up, sooner, but then, deep down, I know of her confusion. How she was pulled in two very different directions, and how her own upbringing caused her to doubt what she should have done earlier.
A compelling true story, that just so, so sad.
Not because I don't believe it, but I know, for a fact that there have been women, like Sarbjit, who have been cushioned from all things Western, in their life, here in the UK, despite being born and brought up here. They haven't been awarded the freedom of their peers, citing culture and their community, and 'honour' as a reason.
I always count myself lucky to have been born into a family for whom doing the right thing was more important than the expected thing.
Sarbjit's book details the horrific true story of one of the first honour killings that resulted in a conviction of the perpetrators - the victim's mother-in-law and her husband. And all because she was not willing to toe the line they were throwing.
We learn of how Sarbjit was brought up to be 'respectful' of her elders and the community (read scared, not respectful) and how she could/should never go against them, for fear of shaming her family.
How her arranged marriage was foisted upon her, and how she suffered the pain of knowing what had happened to Surjit, the other daughter-in-law of the family, yet felt unable to do anything, paralysed with the fear of what may happen to her, her children, the family...
It's stories like these that do build up your faith in the law, when you know there are individuals like DCI Clive who stood with her, and believed her, and in the end, managed to secure the conviction of the murderers.
Yes, I felt angry, almost annoyed, at why she didn't step up, sooner, but then, deep down, I know of her confusion. How she was pulled in two very different directions, and how her own upbringing caused her to doubt what she should have done earlier.
A compelling true story, that just so, so sad.
September 21, 2024
Opowieść urodzonej i wychowanej w Londynie Hinduski, która zostaje wysłana do Indii jako jedenastolatka wbrew swojej woli, by nauczyć się tam "jak być dobra Sikhijką". Przeżywa szok kulturowy, a także zauważa sprzeczności między naukami religii Sikhów, a rzeczywistością. Jako kobieta jest traktowana dużo gorzej niż mężczyźni, i przemoc jest na porządku dziennym.
Po kilku latach wraca do Anglii, a niedługo potem rodzice aranżują dla niej małżeństwo. Na początku się sprzeciwia, ale w końcu się dostosowuje. Zostaje praktycznie rzecz biorąc służącą w domu teściowej, która po śmierci teścia jest "szefem" rodziny, podejmującej wszystkie decyzje. Surjit, szwagierka Sarbjit, nie jest szczęśliwa w małżeństwie i buntuje się, wdaje w romans i chce rozwodu.. zostaje podstępem wywieziona do Indii,
z których już nie wróci. To szokująca książka o apodyktycznej teściowej - kobiecie egzekwującej samosąd pod pretekstem zachowania honoru rodziny.
O bezwzględnym posłuszeństwie jej synów, którzy nawet w takiej kwestii jak morderstwo nie umieli sprzeciwić się swojej matce.
I w końcu o odważnej kobiecie, ktora napisała tą książkę. Sarbjit starała się zapobiec tragedii, niestety policja zlekceważyła informacje. Gdy brat zamordowanej nie odpuszcza, policja w końcu zaczyna interesować się sprawą. Sarbjit odważyła się powiedzieć prawdę mimo gróźb, zastraszania, szantażu i ostracyzmu ze strony rodziny i społeczności. Nawet jej najbardziej religijni przywódcy uważali, że kłamie i okrywa rodzinę wstydem. Zachowanie honoru morderczyni było ważniejsze.
Surjit próbowała uciec z tej rodzinnej sekty i zapłaciła za to życiem. Książka może nie jest arcydziełem literackim, ale wzbudza dużo emocji. Jestem pełna podziwu dla autorki, że tyle poświęciła by mordercy zostali ukarani.
Po kilku latach wraca do Anglii, a niedługo potem rodzice aranżują dla niej małżeństwo. Na początku się sprzeciwia, ale w końcu się dostosowuje. Zostaje praktycznie rzecz biorąc służącą w domu teściowej, która po śmierci teścia jest "szefem" rodziny, podejmującej wszystkie decyzje. Surjit, szwagierka Sarbjit, nie jest szczęśliwa w małżeństwie i buntuje się, wdaje w romans i chce rozwodu.. zostaje podstępem wywieziona do Indii,
z których już nie wróci. To szokująca książka o apodyktycznej teściowej - kobiecie egzekwującej samosąd pod pretekstem zachowania honoru rodziny.
O bezwzględnym posłuszeństwie jej synów, którzy nawet w takiej kwestii jak morderstwo nie umieli sprzeciwić się swojej matce.
I w końcu o odważnej kobiecie, ktora napisała tą książkę. Sarbjit starała się zapobiec tragedii, niestety policja zlekceważyła informacje. Gdy brat zamordowanej nie odpuszcza, policja w końcu zaczyna interesować się sprawą. Sarbjit odważyła się powiedzieć prawdę mimo gróźb, zastraszania, szantażu i ostracyzmu ze strony rodziny i społeczności. Nawet jej najbardziej religijni przywódcy uważali, że kłamie i okrywa rodzinę wstydem. Zachowanie honoru morderczyni było ważniejsze.
Surjit próbowała uciec z tej rodzinnej sekty i zapłaciła za to życiem. Książka może nie jest arcydziełem literackim, ale wzbudza dużo emocji. Jestem pełna podziwu dla autorki, że tyle poświęciła by mordercy zostali ukarani.
May 23, 2018
Heartbreaking
This is one of the most intriguing novels I have read. My heart surely went out to Surjit and Sarbajhit. I applaud Sarbajhit's bravery to stand up for what is right. I was brought to tears while reading.
This is one of the most intriguing novels I have read. My heart surely went out to Surjit and Sarbajhit. I applaud Sarbajhit's bravery to stand up for what is right. I was brought to tears while reading.
October 30, 2017
When I picked up this book I assumed it was about Muslim honor killings, but was surprised to find it's actually a story about a family of Sikhs from India. The murder of the rebellious Westernized sister-in-law of the author was actually ordered by the matriarch of the family, and carried out in secret on a trip to India. It was not until seven years later that the perpetrators were found guilty of murder, only after Athwal had the courage to come forward. Thus, this crime was very different from the societally accepted honor killings of the Muslim world. Still, the focus on punishing a woman whose behavior is seen as a blight on the family honor is the same.
3.5 stars.
3.5 stars.
October 28, 2013
This book was an autobiography of the life of Sarbjit Kaur Athwal,a British-born Indian. It is a story of pain, betrayal and the on-going fear of death.
Married in her late teens, Sarbjit was despised by her mother-in-law, who at any given chance would degrade and humiliate her daughter-in-laws. Sarbjit and her sister-in-law, was subjected to violence and continuous threats, to preserve the family honour.
This is the story of a brave woman, who stood up against, her family, violence, honour and the Indian Community, to fight for justice and rights.
Married in her late teens, Sarbjit was despised by her mother-in-law, who at any given chance would degrade and humiliate her daughter-in-laws. Sarbjit and her sister-in-law, was subjected to violence and continuous threats, to preserve the family honour.
This is the story of a brave woman, who stood up against, her family, violence, honour and the Indian Community, to fight for justice and rights.
November 17, 2013
A rating of 5 out of 5 means "this book is amazing". Amazing would actually be the wrong word to describe this - it is horrifying and chilling but I am so glad that I read it. I would describe the author as totally amazing - what a journey she has been on through life and to be strong enough and brave enough to now write this book is truly inspiring. I would strongly encourage everyone to read this story.
March 23, 2016
The book was not very well written and it is mainly about Sarbjit's ordeal.There were quite a few references of both family's rules and traditions as the Sikh way. These were not 'Sikh tradition', it was her family's way of life. I felt there was nothing brave done by Sarbjit, if her parents had not feared for her life, she would never had come forward. My heart went out to Surjit' family- they never gave up in finding the truth.
January 29, 2014
A riveting read and an extraordinary story. Possibly the most shocking aspect is that three times the police were notified of what was happening - or had happened, and no action was taken. You would like to think that Sarbjit's story would give strength to others in controlling and unhappy marriages.
February 27, 2014
This book brought out so many emotions that I truly did not believe possible. What Sarbjit endured as a woman, mother, sister-in-law, wife and human is truly impossible, yet unfortunately true. This book is amazing, yet I would not use that word to describe one thing in this book except for amazingly brave. The courage she showed by telling her story is more than you could ever hope to display.
October 13, 2013
Fascinating book. Hard to believe its a biography. The authors internal struggle with religion and right vs. wrong is very powerful. The idea of shame versus honour plagues every decision the author makes.
April 8, 2014
A quick read , very sad account of honour killing and the threat and fear young women live under most of their lives. The courage it takes to stand up to loved ones is very difficult but a community too ? It is even harder! These events change lives forever.
March 23, 2014
Very well written and hats off to Sarbjit for her courage and sacrifices
March 8, 2016
seriously it's not easy when you are sandwiched between revealing the thruth and to uphold family's honour and name....you really need courage and support, and most importantly is to overcome FEAR!!!
June 15, 2014
The true story of an honour killing in Britain and the sister-in-law who put her life on the line to bring justice to the victim. A true nightmare but a story of courage beyond belief!
July 8, 2014
I thought his story was fascinating and as a strong Independant woman it's hard to read stories about women who are still dependent and suppressed by their society. I couldn't put this book down
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