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Spalding's Scary Shorts: A Humorous Horror Collection
FOUR SHORT TALES OF TERROR FROM THE BEST-SELLING HUMOUR AUTHOR
Feedback: A Vampire Story
Be careful who you write about.
Keating the vampire used to love the stories that humans would write about his species. They had endlessly amused him.
Madeline De Martine had changed all that though.
From terrifying, bloodthirsty creatures of the night... to maudlin, effeminate idiots obsessed with adolescent American girls, De Martine's blockbuster romances had irrevocably ruined the image of the vampire as far as Keating was concerned.
So tonight he's paying the multi-millionaire writer a visit to offer some constructive feedback, and show her the error of her ways...
Dogs Of War
Giving interactive gameplay a whole new meaning.
Disaster... Epic. Huge. Unmitigated. Disaster.
Zack Hampton's beloved Gamestation console has just committed electronic suicide - right in the middle of a hectic multiplayer Dogs Of War game.
Where the hell is he supposed to find another one the week before Christmas? All the shops have sold out!
Imagine Zack's delight when he stumbles on a quaint Christmas shop, run by the enigmatic Mister Fix... and discovers a unique 'special edition' Gamestation on sale for a bargain price. Following a very strange conversation with the old shopkeeper, Zack buys the console and rushes home to rejoin the online mayhem as quickly as possible.
This Gamestation is very special though, and Zack is about to take part in a game of Dogs Of War he is never going to forget.
I, Zombie
A story of the thinking dead.
'My name is Jim Monroe and I am a zombie. My natural life on this planet has ceased and I've been re-animated to stalk the world as a pale, grotesque imitation of my former self. I'm different from my undead brethren though... I'm a zombie with a brain. This is the short, shocking story of how I came to be this way.'
Spine Slaughter
When hedgehogs attack!
On a warm summer's day, the village of Wincing On Thames is attacked by the most unlikely of blood thirsty monsters.
Hoards of deadly hedgehogs are on the loose, with a taste for human flesh. Can hockey stick wielding Jason, Scab the punk and their friends survive the onslaught? And what turned these normally placid little animals into creatures from the darkest of nightmares?
Feedback: A Vampire Story
Be careful who you write about.
Keating the vampire used to love the stories that humans would write about his species. They had endlessly amused him.
Madeline De Martine had changed all that though.
From terrifying, bloodthirsty creatures of the night... to maudlin, effeminate idiots obsessed with adolescent American girls, De Martine's blockbuster romances had irrevocably ruined the image of the vampire as far as Keating was concerned.
So tonight he's paying the multi-millionaire writer a visit to offer some constructive feedback, and show her the error of her ways...
Dogs Of War
Giving interactive gameplay a whole new meaning.
Disaster... Epic. Huge. Unmitigated. Disaster.
Zack Hampton's beloved Gamestation console has just committed electronic suicide - right in the middle of a hectic multiplayer Dogs Of War game.
Where the hell is he supposed to find another one the week before Christmas? All the shops have sold out!
Imagine Zack's delight when he stumbles on a quaint Christmas shop, run by the enigmatic Mister Fix... and discovers a unique 'special edition' Gamestation on sale for a bargain price. Following a very strange conversation with the old shopkeeper, Zack buys the console and rushes home to rejoin the online mayhem as quickly as possible.
This Gamestation is very special though, and Zack is about to take part in a game of Dogs Of War he is never going to forget.
I, Zombie
A story of the thinking dead.
'My name is Jim Monroe and I am a zombie. My natural life on this planet has ceased and I've been re-animated to stalk the world as a pale, grotesque imitation of my former self. I'm different from my undead brethren though... I'm a zombie with a brain. This is the short, shocking story of how I came to be this way.'
Spine Slaughter
When hedgehogs attack!
On a warm summer's day, the village of Wincing On Thames is attacked by the most unlikely of blood thirsty monsters.
Hoards of deadly hedgehogs are on the loose, with a taste for human flesh. Can hockey stick wielding Jason, Scab the punk and their friends survive the onslaught? And what turned these normally placid little animals into creatures from the darkest of nightmares?
163 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 9, 2010
9 people are currently reading
189 people want to read
About the author
Nick Spalding
36 books1,391 followersNick Spalding is an author who, try as he might, can't seem to write anything serious.
Before becoming a full-time author, he worked in the communications industry, mainly in media and marketing. As talking rubbish for a living can get tiresome (for anyone other than a politician), he thought he'd have a crack at writing comedy fiction - with a very agreeable level of success so far, it has to be said. Nick is now a multimillion seller. This flabbergasts him every single day.
Nick is now in his fifties - and is rather annoyed at the universe about it, because it gave him no choice in the matter. He's also addicted to Thai food and roast potatoes (not together), loves Batman and Warhammer, and has a dreadful singing voice.
***
Find out more about Nick and his books at www.nickspalding.com
Before becoming a full-time author, he worked in the communications industry, mainly in media and marketing. As talking rubbish for a living can get tiresome (for anyone other than a politician), he thought he'd have a crack at writing comedy fiction - with a very agreeable level of success so far, it has to be said. Nick is now a multimillion seller. This flabbergasts him every single day.
Nick is now in his fifties - and is rather annoyed at the universe about it, because it gave him no choice in the matter. He's also addicted to Thai food and roast potatoes (not together), loves Batman and Warhammer, and has a dreadful singing voice.
***
Find out more about Nick and his books at www.nickspalding.com
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Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews
November 29, 2020
So despite owning a book by this name, I actually only have the one story from the set.. odd but still.
I must have read that short story sometime pre 2012, but as soon as I saw that the vampires name was Keating I recalled the main plot elements.
Whilst not a great story, I like the take Spalding has on the vampire mythos. Having read two other books by this author I recognise his sense of humour, and overall it makes for an amusing short read.
If you enjoy more of the 'traditional' vampire, the ones that might be sexy but still make you feel for your life, then you'll likely enjoy this. However, if you're more of a sparklepire fan then you're unlikely to enjoy the digs aimed at that 'saga'.
I must have read that short story sometime pre 2012, but as soon as I saw that the vampires name was Keating I recalled the main plot elements.
Whilst not a great story, I like the take Spalding has on the vampire mythos. Having read two other books by this author I recognise his sense of humour, and overall it makes for an amusing short read.
If you enjoy more of the 'traditional' vampire, the ones that might be sexy but still make you feel for your life, then you'll likely enjoy this. However, if you're more of a sparklepire fan then you're unlikely to enjoy the digs aimed at that 'saga'.
August 25, 2018
4 funny short stories
From the story of a vampire that wants the world to know the truth, a be careful what you wish for warning to couch potatoes, to a journal writing zombie and concluding with a tale of nature gone berserk. These stories have a twist in the tail that you won't always see coming.
From the story of a vampire that wants the world to know the truth, a be careful what you wish for warning to couch potatoes, to a journal writing zombie and concluding with a tale of nature gone berserk. These stories have a twist in the tail that you won't always see coming.
January 31, 2018
Addictive from page one, suitable for those with a ghoulish humour.......
A flurry of horror, humour and no holds barred bloodshed...... I'll never trust a hedgehog again....... Read it in one hit, hooked from the start!
A flurry of horror, humour and no holds barred bloodshed...... I'll never trust a hedgehog again....... Read it in one hit, hooked from the start!
March 15, 2017
Four excellent short horror stories but with a light hearted comedy twist. I enjoyed them all a great deal but I think the first was my favourite. I'd love to see the author write more of this sub-genre. An easy 5 stars.
November 7, 2013
Do not be fooled by the cover, this is most definitely not a book for children. It's full of swearing and adult themes.
That said, it is hysterically funny, with two out of the four stories reducing me to tears of laughter as I journeyed to work on the bus.
A Vampire Story vents Spalding's obvious dissatisfaction with the current trend for romanticising the vampire. And it pulls no punches in letting the reader know just which sparkly, pale faced abomination has pissed him off the most. This was the first of my favourites.
Dogs of War is a commentary of the decline of the British teenager as they become glued to their games consoles and blow the crap out of each other night after night. It felt a bit like a modern day fable, but Spalding does it in style so you don't mind being preached at too much.
I, Zombie, this is without doubt the clincher for me. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so much. I actually had to put the book down and recover a little personal decorum before I could see straight enough to rad some more. Zombies from a whole new perspective. I loved it.
Spine Slaughter ... possibly the most bizarre story of the collection. 10/10 for originality, but not quite sure what to make of it. I won't spoil it for you by saying what happens, but I'm pretty sure you'll never read another story like it. Ever!
All in all a great collection of short stories, for next to nothing. It's a couple of hours read tops. Very funny, not that scary, and just a little bit gross in places. But avoid it if you don't like reading about blood and gore.
That said, it is hysterically funny, with two out of the four stories reducing me to tears of laughter as I journeyed to work on the bus.
A Vampire Story vents Spalding's obvious dissatisfaction with the current trend for romanticising the vampire. And it pulls no punches in letting the reader know just which sparkly, pale faced abomination has pissed him off the most. This was the first of my favourites.
Dogs of War is a commentary of the decline of the British teenager as they become glued to their games consoles and blow the crap out of each other night after night. It felt a bit like a modern day fable, but Spalding does it in style so you don't mind being preached at too much.
I, Zombie, this is without doubt the clincher for me. I had tears in my eyes from laughing so much. I actually had to put the book down and recover a little personal decorum before I could see straight enough to rad some more. Zombies from a whole new perspective. I loved it.
Spine Slaughter ... possibly the most bizarre story of the collection. 10/10 for originality, but not quite sure what to make of it. I won't spoil it for you by saying what happens, but I'm pretty sure you'll never read another story like it. Ever!
All in all a great collection of short stories, for next to nothing. It's a couple of hours read tops. Very funny, not that scary, and just a little bit gross in places. But avoid it if you don't like reading about blood and gore.
September 17, 2011
After reading the hilarious Spine Slaughter the next logical thing would be to read another Nick Spalding short. The fact that this one was free, and contained zombies was the perfect match.
I suppose I'm a bit biased when it comes to zombie fiction...I used to be a huge fan of this genre, and red as much of it as I could. Unfortunately the market has become saturated with the walking dead, and usually not for the better (The World Is Dead, Zombies: The Recent Dead) Thankfully there is this short little gem by Nick Spalding that proves the rotting world of zombies can still be fresh with a dash of humor and dark comedy.
I know this is far from typical zombie fare and that may turn some people away, but even I couldn't stop laughing while reading this. Like the previously mentioned "Spine Slaughter", "I, Zombie" is, in typical English fashion, drier than the salt flats, but it's truly funny. And not only that, it's so strange and written in such a good manner that in only 15 short minutes, the book is done.
This one wasn't quite as good as "Spine Slaughter" and it was ludicrously short, but sometimes a brief, comical break is exactly what you need.
I suppose I'm a bit biased when it comes to zombie fiction...I used to be a huge fan of this genre, and red as much of it as I could. Unfortunately the market has become saturated with the walking dead, and usually not for the better (The World Is Dead, Zombies: The Recent Dead) Thankfully there is this short little gem by Nick Spalding that proves the rotting world of zombies can still be fresh with a dash of humor and dark comedy.
I know this is far from typical zombie fare and that may turn some people away, but even I couldn't stop laughing while reading this. Like the previously mentioned "Spine Slaughter", "I, Zombie" is, in typical English fashion, drier than the salt flats, but it's truly funny. And not only that, it's so strange and written in such a good manner that in only 15 short minutes, the book is done.
This one wasn't quite as good as "Spine Slaughter" and it was ludicrously short, but sometimes a brief, comical break is exactly what you need.
April 4, 2012
Time taken to read - 9 days
Blurb From Goodreads
A story of the thinking dead...
"My name is Jim Monroe, and I am a zombie.
"My natural life on this planet has ceased and I've been re-animated to stalk the world as a pale, hollow imitation of my former self.
"I'm different from my undead brethren though... I'm a zombie with a brain.
"This is the short, shocking story of how I came to be this way."
My Review
Well it really was a short story (took me so long as I only read it on my phone at breaks!). Jim Monroe wakes up dead, takes stock and figures our he is a zombie. What follows is a very short account of what he does next, what he thinks and experiences.
It is what it is, free, short and a different spin on the zombie tale. I think it had so much potential to be so much more however as I said it is so short in length you only get a wee taster if you like. However if you like your zombies there is no harm in checking it out. Get it for free on amazon - it's worth checking out but nothing to write home about. I would love to see this as a novella and more done with Jim, 3/5 this time.
Blurb From Goodreads
A story of the thinking dead...
"My name is Jim Monroe, and I am a zombie.
"My natural life on this planet has ceased and I've been re-animated to stalk the world as a pale, hollow imitation of my former self.
"I'm different from my undead brethren though... I'm a zombie with a brain.
"This is the short, shocking story of how I came to be this way."
My Review
Well it really was a short story (took me so long as I only read it on my phone at breaks!). Jim Monroe wakes up dead, takes stock and figures our he is a zombie. What follows is a very short account of what he does next, what he thinks and experiences.
It is what it is, free, short and a different spin on the zombie tale. I think it had so much potential to be so much more however as I said it is so short in length you only get a wee taster if you like. However if you like your zombies there is no harm in checking it out. Get it for free on amazon - it's worth checking out but nothing to write home about. I would love to see this as a novella and more done with Jim, 3/5 this time.
September 20, 2011
Good fun for horror fans.
Nick Spalding brings us a humorous, short, horror story that you could read just before turning off your bedtime lamp (although if you have a fear of zombies like me, this may not be a good idea!)
Quite gory in places, the protagonist, Jim Monroe, wakes up in a morgue realising that he has joined the ranks of the walking dead. Unlike those around him, Jim still has use of his mental faculties and we share his horror as he makes his journey home.
...and that's about it. No real depth, but as I mentioned earlier, good fun all the same.
For a free read, 'I Zombie is a book I would recommend if you have a spare half hour and wish to sample some of Nick Spalding's obvious talent.
Nick Spalding brings us a humorous, short, horror story that you could read just before turning off your bedtime lamp (although if you have a fear of zombies like me, this may not be a good idea!)
Quite gory in places, the protagonist, Jim Monroe, wakes up in a morgue realising that he has joined the ranks of the walking dead. Unlike those around him, Jim still has use of his mental faculties and we share his horror as he makes his journey home.
...and that's about it. No real depth, but as I mentioned earlier, good fun all the same.
For a free read, 'I Zombie is a book I would recommend if you have a spare half hour and wish to sample some of Nick Spalding's obvious talent.
December 27, 2013
Well written short stories each with a good, basic idea at its heart; the vampire novelist who is visited by a real vampire, the boy who ends up inside a computer game, the man who wakes to find himself part of a Zombie world. For me, these would have been better entitled Spalding's Gory Stories, being not so much scary or creepy as full of blood and mayhem. Honestly, these would not have been my choice of reading if I had realised in advance but that is not to say that I would take anything away from the author for my misjudgement and the great reviews prove that there are plenty of people who love them.
August 19, 2011
Anyone who's ever cared enough to watch a zombie flick should appreciate this short story. Told through the POV of Jim Monroe, he recollects how he came to realize he had become one of the living dead and describes the events that led him to pen his experience.
Though graphic during certain situations, the mood remains light and entertaining as the author assigns humor to just about everything Jim encounters. Plus, at the price of free (from Amazon), this quick read will cost you nothing more than about five minutes of your life. It's more than worth it.
Though graphic during certain situations, the mood remains light and entertaining as the author assigns humor to just about everything Jim encounters. Plus, at the price of free (from Amazon), this quick read will cost you nothing more than about five minutes of your life. It's more than worth it.
September 1, 2011
A very short but amusing story of a thinking zombie. I pretty much like it except that it was too short. I wished to read a little more, wanted something funny or cynical happened at the end. (I still like it though.)
September 12, 2011
Four stars because it is truly a unique premise I don't recall seeing before. It was an entertaining story, if a bit short. The dark, unconventional ending should have been expected, but it still caught me off guard.
August 13, 2016
This book consists of 4 short 'horror' stories. A bit (lot) silly in places but very gory and graphic most of the time. I think I enjoyed the last 2 stories best but none of them were what I'd call amazing! Sorry, I just didn't enjoy this book all that much.
September 17, 2016
I was really disappointed in this book. While I find all of Spalding's other books hilarious, I thought this book was just stupid. The first two stories weren't that bad. They were actually good. Those last two stories were so horrible.
August 17, 2011
Very short, entertaining read about zombies from the zombie's perspective.
March 22, 2012
bizarre
August 28, 2011
Very entertaining and witty short story. Reminiscent of a funny Walking Dead.
September 3, 2011
this was pretty good for a short story, it was to the point and cleverly written. i enjoyed this.
November 6, 2011
I so wanted this to be longer! It was a fun and engaging read but I wanted a lot more detail and a longer story. It felt too abrupt to me as it stood.
April 29, 2012
I admit, I got sucked into the whole zombie craze. This short story is a great read- quick and enjoyable. I love how it is told from the zombie's POV.
July 6, 2012
the zombie one is good but the hedgehog one is from where Spalding wrote stories when he was young so it isnt as good. however I loved the book I zombie as its writen from a zombies point of view.
August 5, 2012
Liked this- puts a new twist on scary stories! Recommended read
November 1, 2013
funny and smart, this was the perfect way to celebrate Halloween
November 11, 2014
Nick Spalding's brand of horror - very entertaining.
February 11, 2015
Good Halloween read.
October 28, 2016
It was OK - but not quite what I was looking for
July 26, 2012
Collection of absurd and tasteless stories.
A sure No-No!
A sure No-No!
Displaying 1 - 28 of 28 reviews