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Counterfeit Dreams
Scientology presents a glittering public façade, with smiling celebrities, polished videos, slick TV ads and impressive buildings. It is an image that Jefferson Hawkins helped to craft in his 35 years as a top marketing executive for the Church of Scientology. Yet behind that façade is a hidden world of physical and mental abuse, sleep deprivation, labor camps, family disconnection and human rights abuses. It is a nightmare world that is carefully hidden from public view. Counterfeit Dreams is a must-read for anyone who wants to know the truth about today’s most controversial cult.
270 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2010
78 people are currently reading
944 people want to read
About the author
Jefferson Hawkins
4 books9 followersJefferson Hawkins spent 36 years inside the Church of Scientology, becoming one of its top marketing executives. He helped craft Scientology's polished public façade, which he now reveals as hiding a merciless world of physical and mental abuse, harassment, sleep deprivation, labor camps, family disconnection, and human rights violations.
Now an outspoken critic and whistleblower, Hawkins exposed the shocking abuses that go on at Scientology's highest levels in his 2010 memoir, Counterfeit Dreams: One Man's Journey Into and Out of the World of Scientology.
He has written two additional nonfiction books exposing Scientology's system of mind control: Leaving Scientology: A Practical Guide to Escape and Recovery, and Closing Minds: How Scientology's "Ethics Technology" is Used to Control Their Members.
Hawkins has appeared on the Emmy-winning A&E series, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, and was featured in Louis Theroux's My Scientology Movie. He was interviewed by the St. Petersburg Times for their groundbreaking series unveiling Scientology's abuses, and appeared on Anderson Cooper 360 for CNN's three-part exposé, "Scientology: A History of Violence."
Today, Hawkins works as a graphic designer in Portland, Oregon. He continues to assist individuals and families who have been victims of Scientology abuse.
Now an outspoken critic and whistleblower, Hawkins exposed the shocking abuses that go on at Scientology's highest levels in his 2010 memoir, Counterfeit Dreams: One Man's Journey Into and Out of the World of Scientology.
He has written two additional nonfiction books exposing Scientology's system of mind control: Leaving Scientology: A Practical Guide to Escape and Recovery, and Closing Minds: How Scientology's "Ethics Technology" is Used to Control Their Members.
Hawkins has appeared on the Emmy-winning A&E series, Leah Remini: Scientology and the Aftermath, and was featured in Louis Theroux's My Scientology Movie. He was interviewed by the St. Petersburg Times for their groundbreaking series unveiling Scientology's abuses, and appeared on Anderson Cooper 360 for CNN's three-part exposé, "Scientology: A History of Violence."
Today, Hawkins works as a graphic designer in Portland, Oregon. He continues to assist individuals and families who have been victims of Scientology abuse.
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Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews
July 26, 2020
For the most part, I liked this book and found Jefferson Hawkins' story to be an insightful journey through his 35 years in, and eventual departure from, Scientology. He's intelligent and well-spoken, with a great memory for details, considering how many years his story spanned, and he covers his experiences more than adequately. It's the second book I've read from someone who left it - the other being Beyond Belief: My Secret Life Inside Scientology and My Harrowing Escape by Jenna Miscavige Hill - and I found it to be equally troubling. For an organization fraught with secrecy, it's fascinating to get a window in on this mysterious world from ex-members now free to remove the veil.
Now, in no way am I saying I felt less sympathetic to Mr. Hawkins' experience - I suspect there's no narrative of someone leaving Scientology that I wouldn't be horrified by in some way - it's just that it was easier for me to feel the pain of Ms. Miscavige Hill's experience than it was for me to feel his in this book. Perhaps it was easier because she's the niece of Scientology's current leader, David Miscavige, and was brought up in the "religion" (no disrespect intended, but I seriously can't say that without quotes), and didn't exactly choose it for herself, as opposed to Mr. Hawkins zealously and idealistically pursuing it, beginning as a young adult. Also, whether it's due to him spending decades in an oppressive and abusive organization that frowns on healthy emotional expression, it's just his personality, or it's a weakness on my part in seeing the story from a male point of view - it was still harder to really connect with his feelings, despite all his efforts to communicate them.
I guess because he spends so much of the narrative talking about the various jobs he did for Scientology, it can read a bit more like a very long resumé enhanced with notes about the terrible behavior of co-workers and management while in those positions. There's nothing wrong with that, as each job had its own insights into both the good and truly awful encounters he had within Scientology - it's just that it rarely leaves the workplace, and unless you would want to hear anyone regale you with decades of their negative work experiences - you might find it a little exhausting in its repetitiveness. Ironically, it was this endlessly driven, hostile work environment that largely ushered him out the door of the organization. Trust me - you don't know how good you have it at work until you read this book. Listening to his workplace anecdotes of next-level, amped-up, occasionally psychotic encounters with co-workers and leadership made me want to go into work tomorrow and hug all my co-workers and thank my boss for being so cool.
On a positive note, no matter how misled one might find the people who practice Scientology, Mr. Hawkins certainly illustrates how many kind, thoughtful people he encountered and befriended during his long journey, many of whom he still considers friends, whether they also left or remain in it. He does a great job of reminding readers that individuals' behavior while in the organization was often the result of the toxic atmosphere of fear and negativity, largely cultivated and bred in others by their megalomaniacal leader, David Miscavige, and not usually reflective of who they were once they left. It may not have been his primary intention in writing it, but his book certainly serves as a somber warning as to how the culture we're immersed in can disfigure our personalities and motivations. That has much broader applications than just targeting people who follow Scientology.
Anyways, overall a good book - quite a few proofreading errors aside - and worth a read.
★★★ Stars
Now, in no way am I saying I felt less sympathetic to Mr. Hawkins' experience - I suspect there's no narrative of someone leaving Scientology that I wouldn't be horrified by in some way - it's just that it was easier for me to feel the pain of Ms. Miscavige Hill's experience than it was for me to feel his in this book. Perhaps it was easier because she's the niece of Scientology's current leader, David Miscavige, and was brought up in the "religion" (no disrespect intended, but I seriously can't say that without quotes), and didn't exactly choose it for herself, as opposed to Mr. Hawkins zealously and idealistically pursuing it, beginning as a young adult. Also, whether it's due to him spending decades in an oppressive and abusive organization that frowns on healthy emotional expression, it's just his personality, or it's a weakness on my part in seeing the story from a male point of view - it was still harder to really connect with his feelings, despite all his efforts to communicate them.
I guess because he spends so much of the narrative talking about the various jobs he did for Scientology, it can read a bit more like a very long resumé enhanced with notes about the terrible behavior of co-workers and management while in those positions. There's nothing wrong with that, as each job had its own insights into both the good and truly awful encounters he had within Scientology - it's just that it rarely leaves the workplace, and unless you would want to hear anyone regale you with decades of their negative work experiences - you might find it a little exhausting in its repetitiveness. Ironically, it was this endlessly driven, hostile work environment that largely ushered him out the door of the organization. Trust me - you don't know how good you have it at work until you read this book. Listening to his workplace anecdotes of next-level, amped-up, occasionally psychotic encounters with co-workers and leadership made me want to go into work tomorrow and hug all my co-workers and thank my boss for being so cool.
On a positive note, no matter how misled one might find the people who practice Scientology, Mr. Hawkins certainly illustrates how many kind, thoughtful people he encountered and befriended during his long journey, many of whom he still considers friends, whether they also left or remain in it. He does a great job of reminding readers that individuals' behavior while in the organization was often the result of the toxic atmosphere of fear and negativity, largely cultivated and bred in others by their megalomaniacal leader, David Miscavige, and not usually reflective of who they were once they left. It may not have been his primary intention in writing it, but his book certainly serves as a somber warning as to how the culture we're immersed in can disfigure our personalities and motivations. That has much broader applications than just targeting people who follow Scientology.
Anyways, overall a good book - quite a few proofreading errors aside - and worth a read.
★★★ Stars
February 10, 2017
For a long time I've been fascinated by Scientology, as a totally novel religion founded by a mediocre sci-fi author, that despite clearly being total nonsense, seems to be quite enduring. Mixing business and religion as L Ron Hubbard did was possibly brilliant, possibly crazy, definitely evil. But who wouldn't want to go out like L Ron, on a giant yatch surrounded by nubile young members of your "Sea Org"
Counterfeit Dreams
is one man's effort to explain his experience in Scientology, and to bring its practices to public awareness.
Jeff stays away from the theological side of the cult, instead focusing on its management practices, which are to but it bluntly, Stalinistic. Scientologists work 14 hours days, with a day off every other week. Management is done by fiat, screaming, and if all else fails, assignment to re-education centers where failures can ponder their errors while working in a sweatshop.
Scientology is a classic cult, using a private language of acronyms, abbreviations, and neologisms, and abusive group criticism to separate people from "wog reality". But what I want to know is why is Scientology evil?
Is Scientology evil because it is a system of language and nonsense designed to separate people from reality and prevent them from critically examining their lives?
Is Scientology evil because it an authoritarian system run by madmen?
Is Scientology evil because at its ideological core is broken and twisted, even beyond the style and leadership of the cult?
It's hard to say, and harder to answer definitively.
Jeff stays away from the theological side of the cult, instead focusing on its management practices, which are to but it bluntly, Stalinistic. Scientologists work 14 hours days, with a day off every other week. Management is done by fiat, screaming, and if all else fails, assignment to re-education centers where failures can ponder their errors while working in a sweatshop.
Scientology is a classic cult, using a private language of acronyms, abbreviations, and neologisms, and abusive group criticism to separate people from "wog reality". But what I want to know is why is Scientology evil?
Is Scientology evil because it is a system of language and nonsense designed to separate people from reality and prevent them from critically examining their lives?
Is Scientology evil because it an authoritarian system run by madmen?
Is Scientology evil because at its ideological core is broken and twisted, even beyond the style and leadership of the cult?
It's hard to say, and harder to answer definitively.
August 21, 2023
I remember seeing him on Leah Remini's show, and I absolutely believe everything he said and wrote about.
I'm not surprised about what Hawkins wrote about, and I'm glad that he was able to get out as easily as he was. I loved reading that he was able to get back on track after being in Scientology, since I know that there are people who do not.
I'll continue to read about Scientology, and really hope that someone brings down David Miscavage.
I'm not surprised about what Hawkins wrote about, and I'm glad that he was able to get out as easily as he was. I loved reading that he was able to get back on track after being in Scientology, since I know that there are people who do not.
I'll continue to read about Scientology, and really hope that someone brings down David Miscavage.
September 29, 2019
An excellent memoir by a man whose skills and dedication were often overlooked by the people and organization he believed in. From his earliest days of being "misassigned" to jobs outside of his impressive skill set by those who claimed to know better, to the purposeful demotions by those afraid of diminishing their own power, Hawkins powered through. He did whatever was asked of him because he was a true believer in the mission of his church. Even when things turned abusive, he remained. It isn't until he leaves that he realizes how misguided he's been and how much he relishes his personal freedom.
August 27, 2018
Chronicles one man's journey into and out of Scientology. The account is well written, but slow at times as Jeff provides lots of details. Still an interesting read for those who wish to gain more knowledge of what it was like for members.
July 11, 2017
Good book
Easy read. Very interesting! Gives insight into Scientology, a window into the world little is known about. Would recommend the book.
Easy read. Very interesting! Gives insight into Scientology, a window into the world little is known about. Would recommend the book.
October 9, 2017
"I do not look back with regret. I look back, I hope, with greater wisdom, greater tolerance, and greater compassion."
October 10, 2017
Informative
An interesting and informative detailing of the authors years in Scientology and his eventual break from it. A good read.
An interesting and informative detailing of the authors years in Scientology and his eventual break from it. A good read.
September 21, 2023
One of the best books on Scientology thus far
Jefferson Hawkins worked tirelessly for 30 years. He devoted his faith, brilliance, and life to this cult. He entered the cult happily, young, energetic and fully prepared to be a part of the movement to clear the planet and save humankind.
The level of abuse suffered by this man over these decades is horrific. Nothing short of horrific; it would be hard to believe if there weren’t dozens of other survivors telling their stories as well. The details vary widely and are essentially the same, because scientology never changes.
He was married three times in the cult, divorced three times in the cult. This is common in the cult. Finally, in 2005, Hawkins was “offloaded” from the INT base in Gilman Hot Springs. He was forced to sign a number of “Agreements” and “Confessions” then handed $500 and cut loose.
This is where the book gets really good. Hawkins takes us through the early days of freedom, where he has all the freedom that had been denied for so long, but doesn’t know what to do with it or how to do it. Slowly over time he figures it out, gets a place to live and a job, begins to reconnect with some of his loved ones, and learns how to really live. It is beautifully told, this opening up like a flower and learning after so long how to really live a life. This healing was painful, arduous, time consuming, but there is actual triumph, a happy ending, and I am very happy for Jefferson Hawkins and thank him for writing this book. It has undoubtedly helped many others to escape the cult and learn that life out here in the “wog” world can be truly beautiful, purposeful, and joyful.
Jefferson Hawkins worked tirelessly for 30 years. He devoted his faith, brilliance, and life to this cult. He entered the cult happily, young, energetic and fully prepared to be a part of the movement to clear the planet and save humankind.
The level of abuse suffered by this man over these decades is horrific. Nothing short of horrific; it would be hard to believe if there weren’t dozens of other survivors telling their stories as well. The details vary widely and are essentially the same, because scientology never changes.
He was married three times in the cult, divorced three times in the cult. This is common in the cult. Finally, in 2005, Hawkins was “offloaded” from the INT base in Gilman Hot Springs. He was forced to sign a number of “Agreements” and “Confessions” then handed $500 and cut loose.
This is where the book gets really good. Hawkins takes us through the early days of freedom, where he has all the freedom that had been denied for so long, but doesn’t know what to do with it or how to do it. Slowly over time he figures it out, gets a place to live and a job, begins to reconnect with some of his loved ones, and learns how to really live. It is beautifully told, this opening up like a flower and learning after so long how to really live a life. This healing was painful, arduous, time consuming, but there is actual triumph, a happy ending, and I am very happy for Jefferson Hawkins and thank him for writing this book. It has undoubtedly helped many others to escape the cult and learn that life out here in the “wog” world can be truly beautiful, purposeful, and joyful.
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February 7, 2022I've read so many Scientology memoirs I've become kind of numb to the personal horrors endured by those who survived the Sea Organization—"numb" probably isn't the right word, but I can kind of anticipate the story beats of each new Sea Org narrative and it's awful. Very much like watching a horror movie protagonist descend into the murder basement, I just want to scream at them to turn back. There's a lot of "no, no, don't do it!" in this book, especially in the first half. What really sets Counterfeit Dreams apart is the fascinating details about how Hawkins and his team created the most successful marketing campaigns in Scientology history and then had their successes and all their resources and positions within the Sea Org dismantled.
It's harrowing, what Hawkins lived through. Juxtaposing the personal suffering with the unconscionable destruction of the impressive marketing machine he'd helped build is definitely a unique, fascinating, and depressing insight into the dysfunctions of Scientology.
It's harrowing, what Hawkins lived through. Juxtaposing the personal suffering with the unconscionable destruction of the impressive marketing machine he'd helped build is definitely a unique, fascinating, and depressing insight into the dysfunctions of Scientology.
April 18, 2022
True Life "Odd"yssey
As a clinical social worker of over 43 years, I have often been drawn to first-person stories of people drawn into various religious, political, or other thought-form systems, such as Hubbard's science fiction religion. Psychology is apparently considered an anethema to the Scientology world. And of course that belief would be considered true in that world created by delusion. In psychology we have a phrase for that: folie a plusieurs, delusions of many. It is fascinating how hypnotising (Mesmerising) some ideas can become, leading people in a Pied Piper fashion off into a way of life. Even in high school when I read the Illiead and Oddessey, there were stories of sailors turned into pigs for years, lulled or drawn by Siren's songs. Jeff was drawn into a way of being that many are still caught up in, apparently ruled by the same Big Lies that draw others to rob banks, or invade the Capitol. Same stuff, different day. I'm glad Jeff still has had some years for his family, his art, and himself.
As a clinical social worker of over 43 years, I have often been drawn to first-person stories of people drawn into various religious, political, or other thought-form systems, such as Hubbard's science fiction religion. Psychology is apparently considered an anethema to the Scientology world. And of course that belief would be considered true in that world created by delusion. In psychology we have a phrase for that: folie a plusieurs, delusions of many. It is fascinating how hypnotising (Mesmerising) some ideas can become, leading people in a Pied Piper fashion off into a way of life. Even in high school when I read the Illiead and Oddessey, there were stories of sailors turned into pigs for years, lulled or drawn by Siren's songs. Jeff was drawn into a way of being that many are still caught up in, apparently ruled by the same Big Lies that draw others to rob banks, or invade the Capitol. Same stuff, different day. I'm glad Jeff still has had some years for his family, his art, and himself.
November 10, 2019
Heartbreaking yet inspiring
What causes a talented artistic man to work under the most oppressive evenlo Gulag like conditions. The characters in the Wizard of Oz discovered after a similar arduous journey, that there was no Wizard, just a man behind the screen. And the man behind the screen in Jeff Hawkins journey through Scientology was L. Ron Hubbard and it was hi self help turned religion that made Jeff follow down the rode of abuse. Finally after 35 years, he broke away. Congratulations Jeff!
What causes a talented artistic man to work under the most oppressive evenlo Gulag like conditions. The characters in the Wizard of Oz discovered after a similar arduous journey, that there was no Wizard, just a man behind the screen. And the man behind the screen in Jeff Hawkins journey through Scientology was L. Ron Hubbard and it was hi self help turned religion that made Jeff follow down the rode of abuse. Finally after 35 years, he broke away. Congratulations Jeff!
May 4, 2023
Lesson Apply To One’s Life Is “Think For Self” Instead Being Subject Control Manipulation Per A Delusional Ideology! Sociopath Narcissistic Leaders Are Typical Of Cults! People Whom “Break The Spell” Are Free! Best Aspect Is “Break The Spell” Prior Falling Under A Cults Brainwashing! Quality Book Of An Insider Who “Broke The Spell”, And Forewarning To “Others”! Insightful Book!
November 27, 2019
Couldn’t put it down. It was upsetting that people are bullied when they strive to help others. So many barriers put up to stop them. It was extreme degrading going on from miscavage. What a sawed off dork.
October 12, 2021
Amazing Story, well told!
Jefferson Hawkins is, for some reason, the most relatable of all the ex Scientology authors.
He is the remarkable brain behind one of the most successful book marketing programs in history, and for that alone is worth the read.
Jefferson Hawkins is, for some reason, the most relatable of all the ex Scientology authors.
He is the remarkable brain behind one of the most successful book marketing programs in history, and for that alone is worth the read.
November 29, 2025
Jefferson tells all about how he got into Scientology and how he got out.
Very well-written. Couldn't stop eating.
Very well-written. Couldn't stop eating.
March 30, 2016
Excellent book about a real nightmare
Jeff Hawkins story is similar to so many but also unique. He was a dedicated member of Scientology for years and years and put up with more abuse then most people could handle. Now he is free from that control and I'm very happy for him and his family.
Jeff Hawkins story is similar to so many but also unique. He was a dedicated member of Scientology for years and years and put up with more abuse then most people could handle. Now he is free from that control and I'm very happy for him and his family.
December 11, 2025
An engaging read and kept me interested, but it didn’t fully surprise me or blow me away. The story was entertaining, and the characters had some depth, but I felt like it could have gone a bit further in developing the plot and tension.
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June 10, 2018Awesome book
This is my second reading and really appreciated it even more this time round. The first time I read it I was cramming in Scientology books and so a lot of it was lost in that. I really highly recommend this book to any recovering ex-scientologist. Jeff - you're awesome!
This is my second reading and really appreciated it even more this time round. The first time I read it I was cramming in Scientology books and so a lot of it was lost in that. I really highly recommend this book to any recovering ex-scientologist. Jeff - you're awesome!
Displaying 1 - 19 of 19 reviews