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The Diary of a Submissive #1
The Diary of a Submissive
Sophie Morgan is an independent woman in her thirties with a successful journalism career. Intelligent, witty and sarcastic, she could be the girl next door. Except that Sophie is a submissive; in the bedroom she likes to relinquish her power and personal freedom to a dominant man for their mutual pleasure.
In the wake of Fifty Shades of Grey, here is a memoir that offers the real story of what it means to be a submissive. From the endorphin rush of her first encounter right through to punishments the likes of which she couldn't begin to imagine, she explains in frank and explicit fashion the road she travels. But it isn't until she meets James that her boundaries are really pushed. As her relationship with him travels into darker and darker places the question becomes: where will it end? Can she reconcile her sexuality with the rest of her life and is it possible for the perfect man to also be perfectly cruel?
Racy, controversial, but always warm, fun and astoundingly honest this is a fascinating and thought provoking look at a seemingly paradoxical side to human nature and sexuality that no man or woman will be able to put down.
324 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2012
309 people are currently reading
4228 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 402 reviews
August 20, 2018
Update Couldn't sleep at 4 this morning so wrote to the ex-bf and let him know our relationship status is null and void permanently. I didn't do it that succinctly though. I went on and on about his sins. I'd had enough of being bullied and put down. Also the boat smelled like a men's public urinal because he would only squirt a bit of Fabuloso down the head rather than flush it with water to save him having to pump it out (easy just connect a hose and pay $5).
Sent to *ex-bf. Didn't work. He failed to understand that Dominant/submissive is sexual fun and Domineering (like he is) is bullying IRL. *Will have to let him know that our relationship status, "on a hiatus" is actually now a permanent state. I'm going to look for someone else to go sailing with and give new meaning to the Stranglers, "tied to the mast".
Sent to *ex-bf. Didn't work. He failed to understand that Dominant/submissive is sexual fun and Domineering (like he is) is bullying IRL. *Will have to let him know that our relationship status, "on a hiatus" is actually now a permanent state. I'm going to look for someone else to go sailing with and give new meaning to the Stranglers, "tied to the mast".
September 23, 2012
I decided to read this book because after finishing Fifty Shades of Grey I got curious about the topic of BDSM in literature and ended up reading quite a collection of similarly themed stories. I thoroughly enjoyed Cherise Sinclair’s works and wanted to get a deeper understanding of why a person, a woman in this case, would willingly choose to become a submissive. I had somewhat grasped by now the concept of relinquishing all control and handing it over to another person for the purpose of focusing solely on pleasure, but I was interested in other reasons behind this need. This book appeared to be perfect in that regard and I hoped that it would answer some of my questions. But you know what they say, be careful what you wish for.
Reading this book has proven to be quite a task for me. 20 pages into it and I found myself reading it frozen in place, barely moving to flip the pages, tense and totally uncomfortable with what was being described. I decided then and there that reviewing this book was not going to be an easy task, but more importantly, I felt the need to stop reading it regularly and somehow purge the uneasiness that was taking over my entire body. So I decided to make it sort of a reading journal - I needed to put my thoughts down as they were happening rather than wait until the end.
27% read: I am intrigued by the sincerity of this book. I am surprised to find out that the main character, Sophie, did not choose submission as a coping mechanism for some horrible trauma in her past or an unfortunate childhood as I had expected. She came from a perfectly normal family, loving parents and a very average upbringing. I cannot understand her need to feel pain in order to feel pleasure; I cannot understand her willingness to bite back tears in order to achieve sexual gratification. I am going to continue reading this but I am starting to feel really uneasy about what this book is about.
34% read: I am questioning my sanity at the moment - it's like watching a car crash and not being able to look away. We have met Thomas now, Sophie’s second D/s partner and I do not like the guy. At all. He is described as a natural Dominant but I suspect that all he really is is a natural a-hole. He goes against everything that I have read so far about Dominants and what they seem to enjoy. Thomas is a genuine sadist so I was inclined to dislike him from the get-go but my biggest objection about him is his lack of empathy towards Sophie. All he seems to want to do is break her even further, push her over her limits over and over again. He humiliates her, degrades her, debases her, hurts her both physically as well as psychologically and she just takes it. I am now even further from understanding Sophie and why her mind works the way it works.
47% read: I have a constant knot in my stomach and it is making me cranky. The “relationship” between Sophie and Tom is becoming more and more troubling to me. He is putting her through things that I can only summarise as torture. He shows no emotions towards her, not even those of a friend. Their interactions are lacking care to such a degree that I sometimes wonder whether Sophie is lacking a self-preservation switch in her head. She is constantly commenting that she is a strong independent woman who chooses to live this lifestyle, justifying her submissive side as only “one facet of her personality”. At the very beginning she even says:
“I consider myself a feminist. I’m certainly independent. Capable. In control. To some that might seem incongruous with the choices I make sexually, the things that get me off. For a while it seemed jarring to me. In fact, sometimes it still does, but I’ve come to the conclusion that there are more important things to worry about. I’m a grown woman of usually sound mind. If I want to relinquish my personal control to someone I trust so that they can lead us somewhere which proves thrilling and hot for both of us, then as long as I’m not doing it somewhere where I’m frightening small children or animals I think that’s my right. I take responsibility for my actions and choices.”
Now, while I more than agree with a person being master of their own body (perhaps not the most appropriate expression in this case…) and anything occurring between two consenting adults being their own business, I struggle to reconcile Sophie’s initial statement about herself with what she is allowing Thomas to put her through.
“I obey in spite of every fibre of my being saying I don’t need to do this, for the small voice which whispers that I do.”
I don’t understand this ‘urge’ that Sophie feels to be dominated, humiliated and made to feel insignificant in order to "get off". She is constantly saying that this is what she needs and wants but then she cries through it and feels terrible. I can’t understand how she seems to be able to ‘divorce’ what she feels while she is in Thomas’ hands from her everyday life. One moment she is crying from the physical pain and mental humiliation, and the next she is going on with her life like nothing happened, each time drawn to this world of masochistic submission like a moth to a flame. I am at a point in this book where all I want to do is take a cane in my hand and kick Thomas’ sadistic butt with it six ways from Sunday. I hate that he calls Sophie the s-word. I hate that he knows how much she hates it and he still does it. I am starting to question Sophie’s sanity at this point. But even more, I am starting to question my own sanity for continuing to read this book.
83% read: We are introduced to Charlotte, Thomas' new love interest and sub? Not really sure what the dynamic of their relationship really is but I dislike her straight away. The whole leg-humping scene made me want to jump out of my own skin. I am getting progressively more confused about Sophie’s choices and I am starting to believe that she is a walking talking contradiction. She says, “In my mind my submission is a gift, something to be earned …”, and then she gives it to Charlotte, someone she has just met. That whole scene made me want to smash my Kindle! I was happy and somewhat relieved when Sophie finally moved away from Thomas and Charlotte and started entertaining the idea of actually meeting someone with whom she could start a relationship that would involve feelings.
“I knew I was fussy, but frankly I wasn’t planning on settling for anyone who didn’t tick a few of my boxes, not least being loving, thoughtful, clever, funny, holding down a job he cared about (…), liking children and animals, and not minding the smell of Marmite-y breath. Oh and had to have a penchant for hurting, controlling and humiliating me in as many imaginative, degrading ways as he could come up with, while not being an actual honest-to-goodness psychopath.”
So she meets James, a stockbroker. They are initially both unsure about each other’s D/s tendencies but, to Sophie’s delight, James proves to be a partner in crime. At this point what they do is similar to what she had with Thomas but at least James wines and dines her as well and he is showing some actual emotions around her. He is a true Dom in the bedroom unafraid of inflicting pain but at least he does not seem to be enjoying it as much as Thomas did and he offers her comfort after a particularly painful scene when she sobs uncontrollably. He does not “punish” her for the sake of hurting her, their dynamic appears to be slightly more similar to what I have read in the past, where a Dom’s main concern is satisfying his/her sub by providing something that they clearly or secretly need. James tries to understand Sophie before their D/s relationship even starts:
“You like being pushed to do things you find difficult because you enjoy overcoming them. It’s the challenge of it, the game for you.”
100% read: Needless to say, this is not an easy book to review. If you were looking for a romanticised insight into the mind of a submissive, like I was when I naïvely picked up this book, this is not the right book for you. This is really an honest and raw account of what it means to be a true submissive. Nothing is sugar-coated and there are no filters on what is being said or described. Sophie (the author) is genuinely stripping her soul bare to the reader in order to make us understand how her body and mind work.
I can’t say that I liked this book, mainly because I need ‘pretty’ in my reads and this book bears no such thing, but I respect the premise of it and the honesty with which it was delivered. Having said that, it was difficult for me to feel much for Sophie (the character) as I just could not connect with her. Even after 300 pages of reading her thoughts, she is still as alien to me as any random person on the street. I am now intimately acquainted with what Sophie likes, does, needs, but I am still at a loss to understand the WHY of it all. I really struggled throughout this book with Sophie’s correlation between pleasure and pain. It made me uncomfortable and it made me sad for her. It made me sad that she not only enjoyed pain but she also believed that those who hurt her were in reality being kind to her that way - “Hurting someone who wants to be hurt is not only not a bad thing, it’s practically a cathartic kindness.” I just felt like saying, “Oh, Sophie…”
I guess she did get her happy ending but it is truly HER version of a happy ending. We might not agree on it but ultimately we don’t need to.
~ ♥ N
See this review on my blog! | Follow me on Facebook!
Reading this book has proven to be quite a task for me. 20 pages into it and I found myself reading it frozen in place, barely moving to flip the pages, tense and totally uncomfortable with what was being described. I decided then and there that reviewing this book was not going to be an easy task, but more importantly, I felt the need to stop reading it regularly and somehow purge the uneasiness that was taking over my entire body. So I decided to make it sort of a reading journal - I needed to put my thoughts down as they were happening rather than wait until the end.
27% read: I am intrigued by the sincerity of this book. I am surprised to find out that the main character, Sophie, did not choose submission as a coping mechanism for some horrible trauma in her past or an unfortunate childhood as I had expected. She came from a perfectly normal family, loving parents and a very average upbringing. I cannot understand her need to feel pain in order to feel pleasure; I cannot understand her willingness to bite back tears in order to achieve sexual gratification. I am going to continue reading this but I am starting to feel really uneasy about what this book is about.
34% read: I am questioning my sanity at the moment - it's like watching a car crash and not being able to look away. We have met Thomas now, Sophie’s second D/s partner and I do not like the guy. At all. He is described as a natural Dominant but I suspect that all he really is is a natural a-hole. He goes against everything that I have read so far about Dominants and what they seem to enjoy. Thomas is a genuine sadist so I was inclined to dislike him from the get-go but my biggest objection about him is his lack of empathy towards Sophie. All he seems to want to do is break her even further, push her over her limits over and over again. He humiliates her, degrades her, debases her, hurts her both physically as well as psychologically and she just takes it. I am now even further from understanding Sophie and why her mind works the way it works.
47% read: I have a constant knot in my stomach and it is making me cranky. The “relationship” between Sophie and Tom is becoming more and more troubling to me. He is putting her through things that I can only summarise as torture. He shows no emotions towards her, not even those of a friend. Their interactions are lacking care to such a degree that I sometimes wonder whether Sophie is lacking a self-preservation switch in her head. She is constantly commenting that she is a strong independent woman who chooses to live this lifestyle, justifying her submissive side as only “one facet of her personality”. At the very beginning she even says:
“I consider myself a feminist. I’m certainly independent. Capable. In control. To some that might seem incongruous with the choices I make sexually, the things that get me off. For a while it seemed jarring to me. In fact, sometimes it still does, but I’ve come to the conclusion that there are more important things to worry about. I’m a grown woman of usually sound mind. If I want to relinquish my personal control to someone I trust so that they can lead us somewhere which proves thrilling and hot for both of us, then as long as I’m not doing it somewhere where I’m frightening small children or animals I think that’s my right. I take responsibility for my actions and choices.”
Now, while I more than agree with a person being master of their own body (perhaps not the most appropriate expression in this case…) and anything occurring between two consenting adults being their own business, I struggle to reconcile Sophie’s initial statement about herself with what she is allowing Thomas to put her through.
“I obey in spite of every fibre of my being saying I don’t need to do this, for the small voice which whispers that I do.”
I don’t understand this ‘urge’ that Sophie feels to be dominated, humiliated and made to feel insignificant in order to "get off". She is constantly saying that this is what she needs and wants but then she cries through it and feels terrible. I can’t understand how she seems to be able to ‘divorce’ what she feels while she is in Thomas’ hands from her everyday life. One moment she is crying from the physical pain and mental humiliation, and the next she is going on with her life like nothing happened, each time drawn to this world of masochistic submission like a moth to a flame. I am at a point in this book where all I want to do is take a cane in my hand and kick Thomas’ sadistic butt with it six ways from Sunday. I hate that he calls Sophie the s-word. I hate that he knows how much she hates it and he still does it. I am starting to question Sophie’s sanity at this point. But even more, I am starting to question my own sanity for continuing to read this book.
83% read: We are introduced to Charlotte, Thomas' new love interest and sub? Not really sure what the dynamic of their relationship really is but I dislike her straight away. The whole leg-humping scene made me want to jump out of my own skin. I am getting progressively more confused about Sophie’s choices and I am starting to believe that she is a walking talking contradiction. She says, “In my mind my submission is a gift, something to be earned …”, and then she gives it to Charlotte, someone she has just met. That whole scene made me want to smash my Kindle! I was happy and somewhat relieved when Sophie finally moved away from Thomas and Charlotte and started entertaining the idea of actually meeting someone with whom she could start a relationship that would involve feelings.
“I knew I was fussy, but frankly I wasn’t planning on settling for anyone who didn’t tick a few of my boxes, not least being loving, thoughtful, clever, funny, holding down a job he cared about (…), liking children and animals, and not minding the smell of Marmite-y breath. Oh and had to have a penchant for hurting, controlling and humiliating me in as many imaginative, degrading ways as he could come up with, while not being an actual honest-to-goodness psychopath.”
So she meets James, a stockbroker. They are initially both unsure about each other’s D/s tendencies but, to Sophie’s delight, James proves to be a partner in crime. At this point what they do is similar to what she had with Thomas but at least James wines and dines her as well and he is showing some actual emotions around her. He is a true Dom in the bedroom unafraid of inflicting pain but at least he does not seem to be enjoying it as much as Thomas did and he offers her comfort after a particularly painful scene when she sobs uncontrollably. He does not “punish” her for the sake of hurting her, their dynamic appears to be slightly more similar to what I have read in the past, where a Dom’s main concern is satisfying his/her sub by providing something that they clearly or secretly need. James tries to understand Sophie before their D/s relationship even starts:
“You like being pushed to do things you find difficult because you enjoy overcoming them. It’s the challenge of it, the game for you.”
100% read: Needless to say, this is not an easy book to review. If you were looking for a romanticised insight into the mind of a submissive, like I was when I naïvely picked up this book, this is not the right book for you. This is really an honest and raw account of what it means to be a true submissive. Nothing is sugar-coated and there are no filters on what is being said or described. Sophie (the author) is genuinely stripping her soul bare to the reader in order to make us understand how her body and mind work.
I can’t say that I liked this book, mainly because I need ‘pretty’ in my reads and this book bears no such thing, but I respect the premise of it and the honesty with which it was delivered. Having said that, it was difficult for me to feel much for Sophie (the character) as I just could not connect with her. Even after 300 pages of reading her thoughts, she is still as alien to me as any random person on the street. I am now intimately acquainted with what Sophie likes, does, needs, but I am still at a loss to understand the WHY of it all. I really struggled throughout this book with Sophie’s correlation between pleasure and pain. It made me uncomfortable and it made me sad for her. It made me sad that she not only enjoyed pain but she also believed that those who hurt her were in reality being kind to her that way - “Hurting someone who wants to be hurt is not only not a bad thing, it’s practically a cathartic kindness.” I just felt like saying, “Oh, Sophie…”
I guess she did get her happy ending but it is truly HER version of a happy ending. We might not agree on it but ultimately we don’t need to.
~ ♥ N
See this review on my blog! | Follow me on Facebook!
October 1, 2012
HAHAHAHAHAHHA OK so ignore the cover pictured, the cover you want to look at is this one:
which is what I encountered when I stepped into work today. I mean, just look at it! It's LITERALLY a cover of Twilight crossed with 50 Shades of Grey.
The blurb said something like, 'A Real Life Christian Grey' - which had me choking back fits of laughter.
So I flicked through it and discovered that it is actually Subtext: A Modern Day Tale of Female Submission, but with morepages / stories encounters added, and a bit more finality with the conclusion regarding who Kate 'Sophie' ends up with. And guy #3 'Josh', is now 'James'. Yeah she switched the pseudonyms around.
SHE SOLD OUT. SHE TOTALLY SOLD OUT TO THE FAD.
She's even added stupid shit like 'oh my' and 'blushes' - FAR OUT.
I guess at the end of the day, this book is still better than 50 because the relationship is actually consensual and it isn't abusive.
And at least there is someone out there who is making money from the 50 Shades bandwagon for something that is of decent quality writing, and someone who isn't just writing about some stupid fantasy that she has no experience in.
***Giving this 5 stars out of principle just so I can go back and give 50 Shades one.***
OMG guy #3 has two kittens. Too cute! HAHAHA!
So after reading (or rather, trying to finish reading and failing) 50 Shades and being like, 'DA FUQ?!?!' [*cough* bad writing, bad characterisation, felt like it was written by a 12 year old], I thought, hell, I need some enlightenment. And this book showed up on the left side of goodreads (advertised or something) and I checked out the reviews and it actually looks good.
So I got it for like $8 because I figured, that's still cheaper than a movie ticket!
Also, after a friend who works in a bookshop sent me this email she got:
'HARPERCOLLINS AUSTRALIA BUYS WORLD RIGHTS TO THREE EROTIC NOVELS
FOR A SIX-FIGURE SUM
DESTINED TO PLAY BY INDIGO BLOOME'
I was like 'wtf maybe I should write kinky romance novels too since I'd get 6 figures - I could quit uni, pay off all my HECS debt, retire early...' but then I realised I am too cynical to do so.
Started reading it and wow, it is intriguing and insightful. It's kind of an autobiography/memoir/coming-of-age, and it's well-written. Despite the author here and also frakking Ana from 50 Shades both being uni students, unlike Ana, you can tell the author is not a stupid b***h. She's intelligent, actually independent (rather than the description given by the author attempting to convey that the female 'protagonist' is strong *cough* 50 Shades and Twilight, *cough*), and strong-willed.
You have to be open-minded when you read this, otherwise you get the same 'WTF' feel from 50 Shades, except the writing here is amusing, humorous and not shite.
P.S. It's a quick read, friends, feel free to borrow. There's a couple of wet marks on it and that's because I spilt green tea on it and dripped apple juice on the pages whilst eating an apple and reading at the same time. Nothing dodgy. I promise.
which is what I encountered when I stepped into work today. I mean, just look at it! It's LITERALLY a cover of Twilight crossed with 50 Shades of Grey.
The blurb said something like, 'A Real Life Christian Grey' - which had me choking back fits of laughter.
So I flicked through it and discovered that it is actually Subtext: A Modern Day Tale of Female Submission, but with more
SHE SOLD OUT. SHE TOTALLY SOLD OUT TO THE FAD.
She's even added stupid shit like 'oh my' and 'blushes' - FAR OUT.
I guess at the end of the day, this book is still better than 50 because the relationship is actually consensual and it isn't abusive.
And at least there is someone out there who is making money from the 50 Shades bandwagon for something that is of decent quality writing, and someone who isn't just writing about some stupid fantasy that she has no experience in.
***Giving this 5 stars out of principle just so I can go back and give 50 Shades one.***
OMG guy #3 has two kittens. Too cute! HAHAHA!
So after reading (or rather, trying to finish reading and failing) 50 Shades and being like, 'DA FUQ?!?!' [*cough* bad writing, bad characterisation, felt like it was written by a 12 year old], I thought, hell, I need some enlightenment. And this book showed up on the left side of goodreads (advertised or something) and I checked out the reviews and it actually looks good.
So I got it for like $8 because I figured, that's still cheaper than a movie ticket!
Also, after a friend who works in a bookshop sent me this email she got:
'HARPERCOLLINS AUSTRALIA BUYS WORLD RIGHTS TO THREE EROTIC NOVELS
FOR A SIX-FIGURE SUM
DESTINED TO PLAY BY INDIGO BLOOME'
I was like 'wtf maybe I should write kinky romance novels too since I'd get 6 figures - I could quit uni, pay off all my HECS debt, retire early...' but then I realised I am too cynical to do so.
Started reading it and wow, it is intriguing and insightful. It's kind of an autobiography/memoir/coming-of-age, and it's well-written. Despite the author here and also frakking Ana from 50 Shades both being uni students, unlike Ana, you can tell the author is not a stupid b***h. She's intelligent, actually independent (rather than the description given by the author attempting to convey that the female 'protagonist' is strong *cough* 50 Shades and Twilight, *cough*), and strong-willed.
You have to be open-minded when you read this, otherwise you get the same 'WTF' feel from 50 Shades, except the writing here is amusing, humorous and not shite.
P.S. It's a quick read, friends, feel free to borrow. There's a couple of wet marks on it and that's because I spilt green tea on it and dripped apple juice on the pages whilst eating an apple and reading at the same time. Nothing dodgy. I promise.
September 3, 2012
Sophie Morgan is an independent woman in her thirties with a successful journalism career. Intelligent, witty and sarcastic, she could be the girl next door. Except that Sophie is a submissive; in the bedroom she likes to relinquish her power and personal freedom to a dominant man for their mutual pleasure.
This is most definitely not a starry-eyed, rose-tinted BDSM romance novel and it is certainly nothing like Fifty Shades but in the wake of that book, it’s a realistic glimpse of a BDSM lifestyle. This is a brutally honest look at one’s woman’s journey to sexual submission right from her first stirrings while watching Maid Marian chained up and awaiting rescue by Robin Hood (ironically, she was always rooting for Guy of Gisbourne) right through to the sadist dom she is currently with.
We see her progression from allowing a fellow student to spank her with a hairbrush right through to some pretty harsh scenes which make for some fairly uncomfortable reading. It takes a lot of trust to submit to some of things that Sophie does – but all this really does it for her. She is choosing to give up control – it’s what she wants.
Sophie is only submissive in the bedroom – she’s well educated and holds down a responsible and hectic job. She’s well-adjusted and suffers from the same angsts and mood swings as the rest of us. She had a very normal middle class upbringing with no deep, dark past, no major traumas, sexual or otherwise and I think this is the most important point in the novel. So often, in fiction, someone involved in D/s is shown to have major ‘issues’ which is causing them to either take or relinquish control in sexual situations and I think this is a fairly popular misconception that if you like BDSM, there’s something a little bit deviant about you. Sophie crushes that myth and shows us that people holding down very normal jobs, living an apparently conventional lifestyle can actually get down and really dirty and enjoy some major kinky f*ckery, to coin a phrase. I find that notion really quite liberating.
So, I very much enjoyed reading this. There is absolutely no point in comparing it to the plethora of BDSM romances out there – this is a realistic account of one woman’s submissive evolution and it reads that way too. It does exactly what it says on the tin.
4 stars
Arc courtesy of Penguin UK via NetGalley
For more of my reviews, please visit my Sinfully Sexy Book Blog
This is most definitely not a starry-eyed, rose-tinted BDSM romance novel and it is certainly nothing like Fifty Shades but in the wake of that book, it’s a realistic glimpse of a BDSM lifestyle. This is a brutally honest look at one’s woman’s journey to sexual submission right from her first stirrings while watching Maid Marian chained up and awaiting rescue by Robin Hood (ironically, she was always rooting for Guy of Gisbourne) right through to the sadist dom she is currently with.
We see her progression from allowing a fellow student to spank her with a hairbrush right through to some pretty harsh scenes which make for some fairly uncomfortable reading. It takes a lot of trust to submit to some of things that Sophie does – but all this really does it for her. She is choosing to give up control – it’s what she wants.
Sophie is only submissive in the bedroom – she’s well educated and holds down a responsible and hectic job. She’s well-adjusted and suffers from the same angsts and mood swings as the rest of us. She had a very normal middle class upbringing with no deep, dark past, no major traumas, sexual or otherwise and I think this is the most important point in the novel. So often, in fiction, someone involved in D/s is shown to have major ‘issues’ which is causing them to either take or relinquish control in sexual situations and I think this is a fairly popular misconception that if you like BDSM, there’s something a little bit deviant about you. Sophie crushes that myth and shows us that people holding down very normal jobs, living an apparently conventional lifestyle can actually get down and really dirty and enjoy some major kinky f*ckery, to coin a phrase. I find that notion really quite liberating.
So, I very much enjoyed reading this. There is absolutely no point in comparing it to the plethora of BDSM romances out there – this is a realistic account of one woman’s submissive evolution and it reads that way too. It does exactly what it says on the tin.
4 stars
Arc courtesy of Penguin UK via NetGalley
For more of my reviews, please visit my Sinfully Sexy Book Blog
September 1, 2012
I really liked the book. It was wonderful to know that other submissives also share the same doubts, questions,.dilemmas about themselves; that the search of a Dom is tough, but it can be real if one keeps one's feet on the ground.
The book was real to the Ds lifestyle. The subtle references to Fifty Shades (eye rolling) were irksome, but then most Dominants out there do have that rule in place :-)
The paragraphs seemed to be mixed up in some places. The writing style does take some effort but then its how I tend to think in my sub self too, so I enjoyed the similarities.
Overall a nice book after the disaster of Fifty Shades.
The book was real to the Ds lifestyle. The subtle references to Fifty Shades (eye rolling) were irksome, but then most Dominants out there do have that rule in place :-)
The paragraphs seemed to be mixed up in some places. The writing style does take some effort but then its how I tend to think in my sub self too, so I enjoyed the similarities.
Overall a nice book after the disaster of Fifty Shades.
August 5, 2014
Let me say this first - if you want to read this book only because you liked Fifty Shades of Grey, then do yourself a favor and think twice. Those books are very very different. Fifty Shades of Grey is mostly a romance book. Its about love, emotions, romance. Yes, there is BDSM there, but its for spice. Its not the main theme. People that are not into BDSM can relate to this book and like it.
Now the "Diary of a Submissive" can only be enjoyed by people who are truly into BDSM. It is much closer to "The Story of O" than to FSoG. No joking hardcore stuff that makes you cringe. Seriously. I am not new to BDSM in literature, but this book was a little too much for me at times. I felt bad for Sophie.
If Fifty Shades makes you want to try out BDSM, I think "Diary of a Submissive" makes you pause and rethink that decision.
I am also pretty sure its not a real memoir, but a work of fiction.
For those who read it, did you notice that in the Epilogue, the man she is with, is most likely not James? His name is not mentioned.
Now the "Diary of a Submissive" can only be enjoyed by people who are truly into BDSM. It is much closer to "The Story of O" than to FSoG. No joking hardcore stuff that makes you cringe. Seriously. I am not new to BDSM in literature, but this book was a little too much for me at times. I felt bad for Sophie.
If Fifty Shades makes you want to try out BDSM, I think "Diary of a Submissive" makes you pause and rethink that decision.
I am also pretty sure its not a real memoir, but a work of fiction.
For those who read it, did you notice that in the Epilogue, the man she is with, is most likely not James? His name is not mentioned.
August 8, 2025
English journalist Sophie Morgan recounts her journey into the world of BDSM (Bondage, Discipline, Sadism, Masochism), beginning with an American boyfriend at university to her friend-with-benefits, Thomas, and later James, a more serious partner who in the end couldn't reconcile his tender side with her needs (more on that later). She describes her childhood, seeking to assure readers that she had a happy one, a very ordinary one even, as well as the gradual build-up of thoughts and desires that led her to explore the kind of relationship that she feels she needs.
This work is marketed as a memoir, but having read it, I am unconvinced. From very early on in the book, I started reading it as pure fiction. Perhaps the author did base it on certain experiences she had, but she hasn't written it as a convincing memoir, certainly not as a "diary". In fact, due to the tone it's written in, her attitude, and the way the story plays out, it reads more like kinky chick-lit than erotica, and as such, it was extremely unsatisfying, very disappointing, and often annoying.
I've had this on my shelf since it came out in 2012, and finally got around to reading it recently because I wanted a comparison in mind when I read another so-called erotic memoir, The Secret Life of a Submissive by Sarah K. Both are British, both are written in a breezy, sometimes humorous style that is so reminiscent of British chick-lit, but the latter was rather more believable in terms of realism, and a more satisfying story. But let's talk about The Diary of a Submissive.
The first thing that I noticed that ruined the realism was the simple fact that one minutes Sophie has a brother, the next it's suddenly a sister (page 15 of my edition). Later, the sister reverts back to a brother and remains one for the rest of the book. This is a minor character - in fact, we never "meet" any members of her family - but it was a glaring error in the early sections when she's describing her family and her relationship to them. And no, she doesn't have a brother and a sister, just one sibling. If you were writing your memoir, would you have trouble remembering whether your sibling was male or female? No I didn't think so. (In other editions of this book the names of the men are different - Russell instead of Thomas, Josh instead of James, and of course it's to be expected that she would change people's names. But changing your brother to a sister and then deciding no, it worked better as a brother but forgetting to fix all the edits? That's not the same thing. That's just making it up and being sloppy.)
The other elements that just made the whole thing rather laughable was a) the ease and convenience of Sophie's experiences (it all just seemed to fall into place for her, she had no real negative experiences); and b) her own disconnect with her preferences. Regarding the first point, I know I'm not alone in finding her introduction into BDSM a mix of lame cliché and neat coincidence. Sure those things happen in real life - again, it's not really the veracity of her account that I'm questioning but the way she's written it, which is entirely up for critique. It's her sex-only relationship with Thomas that gave me my first pause. It begins so conveniently:
Well that worked out neatly! So lovely that her first real Dom/sub relationship was with a man she already knew, trusted and was having sex with. Though you wouldn't have much of a story if she never met a man who was into playing Dominant. And speaking of Thomas, it was her relationship to him that really made me realise that I couldn't relate to Sophie. The friends-with-benefits thing, his irritating smugness, the way they don't even seem to click together - no chemistry, I don't even remember her expressing much sexual attraction to him - none of it appeals to me and she never gave me the insight I needed to understand her and what she was doing. Which is telling, because I don't think she knew either.
Her relationship with James was even more weird, albeit in a different way. He seems a complete contradiction, coming across as an arse at first, then a lovely, sweet man who would be shocked by the thoughts in her head, then he turns into a demanding Dom who constantly drives her to higher and higher, um, heights, and then he very abruptly, with no warning whatsoever, has a crisis of conscience and decides that he likes her too much to hurt her. WTF? While this development did point out the often overlooked side of BDSM - the Dom who must be at ease with their needs as much as the sub does - it just wasn't written well. As a character, he was all over the place. It's not that Sophie was completely unobservant and missed the signs (though she doesn't strike me as someone who's very observant), it's that, according to the way she describes things, there weren't any. I just didn't find it believable, regardless of whether this is fiction or a real memoir.
And then there is Sophie herself. No matter how many times she tells us that this is what she wants and needs and desires, she never actually comes to terms with it herself. She doesn't think very deeply about why this appeals to her, or what she gets out of it, and she doesn't own it. This is evidenced by the fact that she's constantly justifying it, or defending it - often weakly, without conviction - and despite the proud last lines, she failed to really show us that she embraces her nature and isn't ashamed of it. More than that, her behaviour while "playing" was at odds with her desires as she lists them. I couldn't count how many times she would glare at her Dom, all angry and reluctant and stubborn. She's one of those cliched characters from romance and chick-lit who is so stubborn she stunts relationships before they have a chance to go anywhere. In this incarnation, her self-proclaimed stubbornness makes her BDSM play a kind of joke, or something she does against her will.
I couldn't understand her really. So many times the things that she was submitting to made her really angry, and for her, being submissive involved not acting on her anger. That's fine - but what is her real desire, the things being done to her or submitting to a man? I couldn't really tell, and I don't think she knows either. She doesn't like anything she's made to do or is done to her, but she loves it? Actually, that contradiction I can understand (though it's poorly expressed), it was more that the way she describes things, complete with her attitude, made it all seem so ... silly. As the writer of The Secret Life of a Submissive points out (or her Dom does), the rules of BDSM are only as affective as the players make them. The more you buy into it all and go along with it, at a deeper level, the more you'll experience and get out of it. Treat it like a joke and it all suddenly becomes ludicrous.
It wasn't always like that, but Sophie generally managed to ruin the atmosphere of pretty much every "scene" she took part of. She was more reflective and insightful outside of a scene, and points out some key elements to the lifestyle, like the simple fact that "only submitting to the fun stuff isn't submission" at all, which is why she does things that she's ordered to do but which she really, really doesn't want to do. But she doesn't really delve deep into the psychology of it all, and she's so resistant that I kept wondering why she was into it at all, aside from the fact that she seems to be constantly horny. And I baulk at the idea that to be a strong woman, you have to be difficult and stubborn (and angry). That's bullshit. Sophie spent a lot of time asserting that she was no victim or doormat, but her inability to really submit showed that she wasn't fully comfortable in her own skin, that she doesn't really understand it all, and that while she may be a strong woman underneath the surface, she's actually inhibiting it, her true self, by behaving like a petulant child half the time. You just can't get close enough to her to really know her or get the sense that this is real.
That and her lack of self-reflection made it a very light erotic read. She does reflect on the "lifestyle" at times, and offers some interesting personal insights, but it's the times when she's most vulnerable and open, in the throes of a scene, that she shies away from really thinking about, as well as trying to understand the other half of the equation, the Dom. In not really delving into her own nature, all of it just seemed vacuous and unrealistic.
That is, quite neatly, the crux of submission in the sense of BDSM as I've come to understand it from all the other, better books I've read: The giving up of control (in a controlled environment) and handing yourself over to another person in every sense of the word, so you can stop thinking for once and simply feel and experience and to take you farther than you realised you can go. To free you. I rather think it takes a lot of courage to go there and do that. It also speaks, obliquely, to the importance of having a Dominant you can absolutely trust - and that's where it blurs into fantasy-land. Too often the men (or women) described in erotic fiction are just so super-duper at observing the submissive women (or men) in their care and they all have their heads screwed on right, that they know exactly what you need and what's okay and so on.
I had hoped that a book touted as a memoir called The Diary of a Submissive would show the practical, day-to-day life of a submissive, which to me is the part that doesn't seem doable. The sexual demands are one thing, but what about the other side of it: having someone else decide what you wear (and what you don't, like knickers and bra), what you're going to eat at a restaurant and so on. Does the super-duper Dom realise you need to use the loo? What about when you have an upset tummy, or your period and you're crabby and hormonal? How does that dynamic play out? What is it like being with a Dom when you're not engaged in a scene but going about the ordinary things in life? To be fair, there is a sequel out now called No Ordinary Love Story that does, apparently, explore all these questions as Sophie moves in with her boyfriend/Dominant, Adam, but unfortunately hers is not a story that I feel much interest in continuing to read about.
Everyone who enjoys this lifestyle (I'm using that word because that's how I've seen it described and I don't have a better one) enjoys it in their own personal way, and to different extents. But we don't learn about Sophie's personal life in the way you would expect. Just what are her aims in writing this? If it's to introduce new readers to the world of BDSM I would call it absolutely the wrong book to read first. If she was seeking to explain and justify and share BDSM ("real" BDSM) with people who were curious after reading EL James' Fifty Shades books, then I would say she's failed miserably. For me, after all the erotic-romance and erotica novels and short stories I've read over the last several years, this one just didn't add anything new to the genre.
This work is marketed as a memoir, but having read it, I am unconvinced. From very early on in the book, I started reading it as pure fiction. Perhaps the author did base it on certain experiences she had, but she hasn't written it as a convincing memoir, certainly not as a "diary". In fact, due to the tone it's written in, her attitude, and the way the story plays out, it reads more like kinky chick-lit than erotica, and as such, it was extremely unsatisfying, very disappointing, and often annoying.
I've had this on my shelf since it came out in 2012, and finally got around to reading it recently because I wanted a comparison in mind when I read another so-called erotic memoir, The Secret Life of a Submissive by Sarah K. Both are British, both are written in a breezy, sometimes humorous style that is so reminiscent of British chick-lit, but the latter was rather more believable in terms of realism, and a more satisfying story. But let's talk about The Diary of a Submissive.
The first thing that I noticed that ruined the realism was the simple fact that one minutes Sophie has a brother, the next it's suddenly a sister (page 15 of my edition). Later, the sister reverts back to a brother and remains one for the rest of the book. This is a minor character - in fact, we never "meet" any members of her family - but it was a glaring error in the early sections when she's describing her family and her relationship to them. And no, she doesn't have a brother and a sister, just one sibling. If you were writing your memoir, would you have trouble remembering whether your sibling was male or female? No I didn't think so. (In other editions of this book the names of the men are different - Russell instead of Thomas, Josh instead of James, and of course it's to be expected that she would change people's names. But changing your brother to a sister and then deciding no, it worked better as a brother but forgetting to fix all the edits? That's not the same thing. That's just making it up and being sloppy.)
The other elements that just made the whole thing rather laughable was a) the ease and convenience of Sophie's experiences (it all just seemed to fall into place for her, she had no real negative experiences); and b) her own disconnect with her preferences. Regarding the first point, I know I'm not alone in finding her introduction into BDSM a mix of lame cliché and neat coincidence. Sure those things happen in real life - again, it's not really the veracity of her account that I'm questioning but the way she's written it, which is entirely up for critique. It's her sex-only relationship with Thomas that gave me my first pause. It begins so conveniently:
We'd been fuck buddies for a while by that point, so it was inevitable we would end up having a conversation about long-term unfulfilled fantasies. But as I knocked back a glass of red, told him a vague summation of what had happened with Ryan an my foray into internet smut before shyly admitting I fancied unleashing - or should that be leashing? - my submissive side properly with some experimentation into BDSM, I really didn't see him as the guy who would take me there. And I wasn't even expecting him to become that guy - as far as I was concerned we were having a bit of horny chat as a prelude to a perfect end-of-week pick-me-up fuck. I'd come to appreciate his intelligence and his deliciously dirty mind, but little did I know I had crossed paths with someone who it would turn out was ying to my submissive yang. [pp.63-4]
Well that worked out neatly! So lovely that her first real Dom/sub relationship was with a man she already knew, trusted and was having sex with. Though you wouldn't have much of a story if she never met a man who was into playing Dominant. And speaking of Thomas, it was her relationship to him that really made me realise that I couldn't relate to Sophie. The friends-with-benefits thing, his irritating smugness, the way they don't even seem to click together - no chemistry, I don't even remember her expressing much sexual attraction to him - none of it appeals to me and she never gave me the insight I needed to understand her and what she was doing. Which is telling, because I don't think she knew either.
Her relationship with James was even more weird, albeit in a different way. He seems a complete contradiction, coming across as an arse at first, then a lovely, sweet man who would be shocked by the thoughts in her head, then he turns into a demanding Dom who constantly drives her to higher and higher, um, heights, and then he very abruptly, with no warning whatsoever, has a crisis of conscience and decides that he likes her too much to hurt her. WTF? While this development did point out the often overlooked side of BDSM - the Dom who must be at ease with their needs as much as the sub does - it just wasn't written well. As a character, he was all over the place. It's not that Sophie was completely unobservant and missed the signs (though she doesn't strike me as someone who's very observant), it's that, according to the way she describes things, there weren't any. I just didn't find it believable, regardless of whether this is fiction or a real memoir.
And then there is Sophie herself. No matter how many times she tells us that this is what she wants and needs and desires, she never actually comes to terms with it herself. She doesn't think very deeply about why this appeals to her, or what she gets out of it, and she doesn't own it. This is evidenced by the fact that she's constantly justifying it, or defending it - often weakly, without conviction - and despite the proud last lines, she failed to really show us that she embraces her nature and isn't ashamed of it. More than that, her behaviour while "playing" was at odds with her desires as she lists them. I couldn't count how many times she would glare at her Dom, all angry and reluctant and stubborn. She's one of those cliched characters from romance and chick-lit who is so stubborn she stunts relationships before they have a chance to go anywhere. In this incarnation, her self-proclaimed stubbornness makes her BDSM play a kind of joke, or something she does against her will.
I couldn't understand her really. So many times the things that she was submitting to made her really angry, and for her, being submissive involved not acting on her anger. That's fine - but what is her real desire, the things being done to her or submitting to a man? I couldn't really tell, and I don't think she knows either. She doesn't like anything she's made to do or is done to her, but she loves it? Actually, that contradiction I can understand (though it's poorly expressed), it was more that the way she describes things, complete with her attitude, made it all seem so ... silly. As the writer of The Secret Life of a Submissive points out (or her Dom does), the rules of BDSM are only as affective as the players make them. The more you buy into it all and go along with it, at a deeper level, the more you'll experience and get out of it. Treat it like a joke and it all suddenly becomes ludicrous.
It wasn't always like that, but Sophie generally managed to ruin the atmosphere of pretty much every "scene" she took part of. She was more reflective and insightful outside of a scene, and points out some key elements to the lifestyle, like the simple fact that "only submitting to the fun stuff isn't submission" at all, which is why she does things that she's ordered to do but which she really, really doesn't want to do. But she doesn't really delve deep into the psychology of it all, and she's so resistant that I kept wondering why she was into it at all, aside from the fact that she seems to be constantly horny. And I baulk at the idea that to be a strong woman, you have to be difficult and stubborn (and angry). That's bullshit. Sophie spent a lot of time asserting that she was no victim or doormat, but her inability to really submit showed that she wasn't fully comfortable in her own skin, that she doesn't really understand it all, and that while she may be a strong woman underneath the surface, she's actually inhibiting it, her true self, by behaving like a petulant child half the time. You just can't get close enough to her to really know her or get the sense that this is real.
That and her lack of self-reflection made it a very light erotic read. She does reflect on the "lifestyle" at times, and offers some interesting personal insights, but it's the times when she's most vulnerable and open, in the throes of a scene, that she shies away from really thinking about, as well as trying to understand the other half of the equation, the Dom. In not really delving into her own nature, all of it just seemed vacuous and unrealistic.
One of the things I find particularly interesting about the D/s dynamic is that it pushes you to do things that otherwise you might not do. Not because you don't want to do them - so often you really, really do want to - but because they're things that you think might be hot/fun/interesting/unusual but that a small part of your mind baulks at, for some reason - whether that's because you feel it's 'dirty', or it's too embarrassing, or you're worried your arse'll look like a small country or whatever. I love that I can be pushed past the small part of my mind that feels that to experience these amazing new things is wrong. And, no, that's not being pushed into doing something I don't want to do, coerced or whatever - my body simply reacts before my mind has a chance to catch up; my body betrays the fact that it's something I'm into even if my eyes or words might for a time not make that obvious, and even if I can't exactly explain why or how it's making me wet. It's more about someone knowing how far I'd like to go and helping me find the courage to go for it. [p.129]
That is, quite neatly, the crux of submission in the sense of BDSM as I've come to understand it from all the other, better books I've read: The giving up of control (in a controlled environment) and handing yourself over to another person in every sense of the word, so you can stop thinking for once and simply feel and experience and to take you farther than you realised you can go. To free you. I rather think it takes a lot of courage to go there and do that. It also speaks, obliquely, to the importance of having a Dominant you can absolutely trust - and that's where it blurs into fantasy-land. Too often the men (or women) described in erotic fiction are just so super-duper at observing the submissive women (or men) in their care and they all have their heads screwed on right, that they know exactly what you need and what's okay and so on.
I had hoped that a book touted as a memoir called The Diary of a Submissive would show the practical, day-to-day life of a submissive, which to me is the part that doesn't seem doable. The sexual demands are one thing, but what about the other side of it: having someone else decide what you wear (and what you don't, like knickers and bra), what you're going to eat at a restaurant and so on. Does the super-duper Dom realise you need to use the loo? What about when you have an upset tummy, or your period and you're crabby and hormonal? How does that dynamic play out? What is it like being with a Dom when you're not engaged in a scene but going about the ordinary things in life? To be fair, there is a sequel out now called No Ordinary Love Story that does, apparently, explore all these questions as Sophie moves in with her boyfriend/Dominant, Adam, but unfortunately hers is not a story that I feel much interest in continuing to read about.
Everyone who enjoys this lifestyle (I'm using that word because that's how I've seen it described and I don't have a better one) enjoys it in their own personal way, and to different extents. But we don't learn about Sophie's personal life in the way you would expect. Just what are her aims in writing this? If it's to introduce new readers to the world of BDSM I would call it absolutely the wrong book to read first. If she was seeking to explain and justify and share BDSM ("real" BDSM) with people who were curious after reading EL James' Fifty Shades books, then I would say she's failed miserably. For me, after all the erotic-romance and erotica novels and short stories I've read over the last several years, this one just didn't add anything new to the genre.
July 21, 2012
I received an ARC of Diary of a Submissive: A Modern True Tale of Sexual Awakening by Sophie Morgan.
First and foremost, I feel the need to open this review with a warning: If you have been a victim of emotional or physical abuse in a relationship or have experienced sexual assault, this book may trigger potential flashbacks of your experience. (And, a side note, I am very sorry for your experiences, if this is the case)
The book starts out with the author assuming that the reader would see her and her partner in an alley, consider intervening on what could look like an abusive situation, but then they will become so captivating that the good citizen would do nothing but watch the man and the woman, intrigued by their sexiness. (Me, not so much.)
She goes to great lengths to emphasize that she had a normal childhood with a normal family with normal parents in a normal town. It comes across as being a bit defensive.
She also starts out by claiming she is a strong, independent woman - a feminist actually.
As the book moves forward, she discusses her first sexual relationship, which catapults her into the SMBD world. To her surprise, the friend she has been hanging out with for quite a while is into it, too! It seems contrived.
While the author claims to really enjoy this lifestyle, the writing makes me have my doubts. She talks about needing to wait out the pain an awful lot, in many places she seems more filled with the anticipation brought on my fear and not the anticipation brought on by pleasure, and in other places she is downright terrified.
There are regional terms used that most readers are not going to understand and cultural references that those not familiar with England will just not get.
The erotic moments read much like a guy at a bar talking about his latest conquest sounds. They aren't created into scenes, as would be the case with erotica, and aren't even all that well-written. She overuses the c word (referring to both male and female body parts) endlessly, and if I have to read the word frigging one more time, I may scream. Also, she talks about blushing. A lot. All the time. Not described in different ways, just "makes me blush, I was blushing, I said blushingly". Not great writing. (To be honest, at times, I did wonder if this book was written by a man saying he was a woman.)
If you want to be entertained or really want to learn more about the lifestyle, whether it is something you are considering your self or you want to know what the big deal is, given the success of 50 Shades of Grey, reading a blog online would probably tell you much more than this book.
If I hadn't received an ARC of the book and planned on reviewing it, I wouldn't have finished it. Not because of the subject matter, but because the writing lacks a lot, which is quite disappointing, given the occupation of the author is that of a journalist.
I think this is a book being rushed to publication because of the success of 50 Shades of Grey and had the author or the publisher spent time editing and rewriting the book, it could have been a much better read.
First and foremost, I feel the need to open this review with a warning: If you have been a victim of emotional or physical abuse in a relationship or have experienced sexual assault, this book may trigger potential flashbacks of your experience. (And, a side note, I am very sorry for your experiences, if this is the case)
The book starts out with the author assuming that the reader would see her and her partner in an alley, consider intervening on what could look like an abusive situation, but then they will become so captivating that the good citizen would do nothing but watch the man and the woman, intrigued by their sexiness. (Me, not so much.)
She goes to great lengths to emphasize that she had a normal childhood with a normal family with normal parents in a normal town. It comes across as being a bit defensive.
She also starts out by claiming she is a strong, independent woman - a feminist actually.
As the book moves forward, she discusses her first sexual relationship, which catapults her into the SMBD world. To her surprise, the friend she has been hanging out with for quite a while is into it, too! It seems contrived.
While the author claims to really enjoy this lifestyle, the writing makes me have my doubts. She talks about needing to wait out the pain an awful lot, in many places she seems more filled with the anticipation brought on my fear and not the anticipation brought on by pleasure, and in other places she is downright terrified.
There are regional terms used that most readers are not going to understand and cultural references that those not familiar with England will just not get.
The erotic moments read much like a guy at a bar talking about his latest conquest sounds. They aren't created into scenes, as would be the case with erotica, and aren't even all that well-written. She overuses the c word (referring to both male and female body parts) endlessly, and if I have to read the word frigging one more time, I may scream. Also, she talks about blushing. A lot. All the time. Not described in different ways, just "makes me blush, I was blushing, I said blushingly". Not great writing. (To be honest, at times, I did wonder if this book was written by a man saying he was a woman.)
If you want to be entertained or really want to learn more about the lifestyle, whether it is something you are considering your self or you want to know what the big deal is, given the success of 50 Shades of Grey, reading a blog online would probably tell you much more than this book.
If I hadn't received an ARC of the book and planned on reviewing it, I wouldn't have finished it. Not because of the subject matter, but because the writing lacks a lot, which is quite disappointing, given the occupation of the author is that of a journalist.
I think this is a book being rushed to publication because of the success of 50 Shades of Grey and had the author or the publisher spent time editing and rewriting the book, it could have been a much better read.
September 25, 2012
I went to WH Smith's in Manchester the other day to buy a Kobo e-book reader, and I saw that the entrance to the shop was pretty much stuffed with erotica. Sophie Morgan's Diary of a Submissive caught my eye and I began to flip through it. The rather sweet blonde girl who was selling me the Kobo offered to let me have The Diary of a Submissive for £3.00 or so, and on impulse I let her load it onto my new toy.
Sophie Morgan's book is advertised as the words of a genuine submissive, but I have my doubts about that. In fact, I have my doubts that the writer is even a woman, and for two reasons:
Firstly, she fills the book with references to her "arse" and her "slit." Those are very masculine nouns and women tend to avoid using such vulgarities. It is not proof positive that the writer is a man, but as I read through the book, the heavy emphasis on vulgar euphemisms made me suspect that it might be.
Secondly, women are good at describing emotions, and men shine when it comes to descriptions of actions. This book is excellent in the descriptive category, but lacks an awful lot of the emotion that women just excel at writing. Speaking as a writer of erotica myself, I could have written this book, but there is no way on earth that I could ever have turned out Fifty Shades of Grey. It is the difference between a female writing style and a male.
Being of a curious bent, I began to investigate this authoress and her work further. It turns out that the book was first issued by Xcite Books in 2010 as Subtext: A Modern Day Tale Of Female Submission, by Kate Marley. By all accounts the earlier version was marketed as a new Story of O, with no claims being made that it was a memoir.
Aside from the change of title and name of the authoress, there are some other changes to the two versions. The main dominant in Subtext is called Josh and for some reason he becomes James in the Diary of a Submissive. He also becomes very rich and Sophie Morgan starts to blush a lot as well as roll her eyes, thus earning more discipline. A cynic would argue that Penguin bought the rights to this work of fiction and the writer added those Fifty Shades of Grey details, before the whole thing was then punted out as a memoir, rather than a novel.
It could very well be that my fears are groundless and what we have here is a genuine submissive who writes like a man, chose to change her pen name and add some details to her manuscript that seem to have been lifted from Fifty Shades.
On the other hand this book could be a novel...
Sophie Morgan's book is advertised as the words of a genuine submissive, but I have my doubts about that. In fact, I have my doubts that the writer is even a woman, and for two reasons:
Firstly, she fills the book with references to her "arse" and her "slit." Those are very masculine nouns and women tend to avoid using such vulgarities. It is not proof positive that the writer is a man, but as I read through the book, the heavy emphasis on vulgar euphemisms made me suspect that it might be.
Secondly, women are good at describing emotions, and men shine when it comes to descriptions of actions. This book is excellent in the descriptive category, but lacks an awful lot of the emotion that women just excel at writing. Speaking as a writer of erotica myself, I could have written this book, but there is no way on earth that I could ever have turned out Fifty Shades of Grey. It is the difference between a female writing style and a male.
Being of a curious bent, I began to investigate this authoress and her work further. It turns out that the book was first issued by Xcite Books in 2010 as Subtext: A Modern Day Tale Of Female Submission, by Kate Marley. By all accounts the earlier version was marketed as a new Story of O, with no claims being made that it was a memoir.
Aside from the change of title and name of the authoress, there are some other changes to the two versions. The main dominant in Subtext is called Josh and for some reason he becomes James in the Diary of a Submissive. He also becomes very rich and Sophie Morgan starts to blush a lot as well as roll her eyes, thus earning more discipline. A cynic would argue that Penguin bought the rights to this work of fiction and the writer added those Fifty Shades of Grey details, before the whole thing was then punted out as a memoir, rather than a novel.
It could very well be that my fears are groundless and what we have here is a genuine submissive who writes like a man, chose to change her pen name and add some details to her manuscript that seem to have been lifted from Fifty Shades.
On the other hand this book could be a novel...
July 30, 2024
DALLA PARTE DELLE SOTTOMESSE.
La chiave dell´umiliazione sessuale non è costringere qualcuno a fare qualcosa che non vuole, ma portarlo a fare cose che segretamente sogna di fare.
Quando dai a lui in mano la tua vita, ed è come se gli dessi in mano un martello o una frusta con cui potenzialmente potrebbe ucciderti ma sai che non lo farà, e con quella frusta ti darà piacere.
Ma la domanda che il lettore / rice potrebbe porsi è: dopo avere esperito certe pratiche e soprattutto dopo che queste pratiche sono piaciute come è possibile tornare e rivestire i panni di una relazione sessualmente tradizionale, rientrando nei binari della normalità?
E ancora, l'amore (anche non previsto) in una relazione basata su un rapporto di "sottomissione non costretta ma desiderata" vi aggiunge o vi toglie qualcosa?
La chiave dell´umiliazione sessuale non è costringere qualcuno a fare qualcosa che non vuole, ma portarlo a fare cose che segretamente sogna di fare.
Quando dai a lui in mano la tua vita, ed è come se gli dessi in mano un martello o una frusta con cui potenzialmente potrebbe ucciderti ma sai che non lo farà, e con quella frusta ti darà piacere.
Ma la domanda che il lettore / rice potrebbe porsi è: dopo avere esperito certe pratiche e soprattutto dopo che queste pratiche sono piaciute come è possibile tornare e rivestire i panni di una relazione sessualmente tradizionale, rientrando nei binari della normalità?
E ancora, l'amore (anche non previsto) in una relazione basata su un rapporto di "sottomissione non costretta ma desiderata" vi aggiunge o vi toglie qualcosa?
July 20, 2014
Surprised and a little flushed...
I had just finished reading the Fifty Shades books (twice) and had read a short interview by the author with her take on the trilogy. I decided to give this book a shot. My typical book interests are not romance or erotic and for the most part I stay clear of the non-fiction sections all together, but after enjoying Fifty so much I thought this memoir would be the perfect next book to read.
I was a bit shocked at parts; not because of the context so much but by the fact that someone actually enjoyed what was taking place. It was insightful and written in a way that allowed you to easily read through. I actually read in it over a period of about 4 hours. It was a good point of reference for a fan of the Fifty Shades as to how far off the trilogy was to the actual lifestyle depicted in this book. I did enjoy the book and will be passing it along to my friends.
That being said, this lifestyle is not for everyone. I did not walk away thinking that something was wrong with her or that she was being abused - she is an adult that has a different sense of desire than most and is being completely honest with herself. I don't understand it - and cringed a few times at some of the punishments but it was a good book. For the most part when you are given examples of this type of lifestyle it is typically a woman clad in leather with a whip or some woman who has had a rough upbringing and is loaded with esteem issues and other sexual issues altogether. This was not the case for Sophie. Her story is that of a woman who found out that the normal did not offer as much excitement and pleasure; rather than live with a dark secret she explored her feelings.
If your initial take on the BDSM world is that it an abusive and oppressing life choice then don't even bother. I don't quite understand why so much pain can be pleasurable, a bit of play can be exciting but welts not so much. The book was eyeopening in the fact that it showed a person with a good head on her shoulders enjoying something that is typically referenced by someone who has a history of dysfunction and sexual assault. Here was a normal girl with a good healthy home life and work life who was honest with herself about her own limits and desires; something most of us can't say for ourselves. You don't have to agree with her choices but it does create a realistic view of why and how some enjoy this.
Just understand this is not a romantic tale; although her last encounter was a bit of a Christian and Ana scenario. If you want to open your mind or explore your own feelings read this book. If you are under the impression that something is mentally wrong with a person who gets their kicks by whips and canes then stick to the fictional tales.
I had just finished reading the Fifty Shades books (twice) and had read a short interview by the author with her take on the trilogy. I decided to give this book a shot. My typical book interests are not romance or erotic and for the most part I stay clear of the non-fiction sections all together, but after enjoying Fifty so much I thought this memoir would be the perfect next book to read.
I was a bit shocked at parts; not because of the context so much but by the fact that someone actually enjoyed what was taking place. It was insightful and written in a way that allowed you to easily read through. I actually read in it over a period of about 4 hours. It was a good point of reference for a fan of the Fifty Shades as to how far off the trilogy was to the actual lifestyle depicted in this book. I did enjoy the book and will be passing it along to my friends.
That being said, this lifestyle is not for everyone. I did not walk away thinking that something was wrong with her or that she was being abused - she is an adult that has a different sense of desire than most and is being completely honest with herself. I don't understand it - and cringed a few times at some of the punishments but it was a good book. For the most part when you are given examples of this type of lifestyle it is typically a woman clad in leather with a whip or some woman who has had a rough upbringing and is loaded with esteem issues and other sexual issues altogether. This was not the case for Sophie. Her story is that of a woman who found out that the normal did not offer as much excitement and pleasure; rather than live with a dark secret she explored her feelings.
If your initial take on the BDSM world is that it an abusive and oppressing life choice then don't even bother. I don't quite understand why so much pain can be pleasurable, a bit of play can be exciting but welts not so much. The book was eyeopening in the fact that it showed a person with a good head on her shoulders enjoying something that is typically referenced by someone who has a history of dysfunction and sexual assault. Here was a normal girl with a good healthy home life and work life who was honest with herself about her own limits and desires; something most of us can't say for ourselves. You don't have to agree with her choices but it does create a realistic view of why and how some enjoy this.
Just understand this is not a romantic tale; although her last encounter was a bit of a Christian and Ana scenario. If you want to open your mind or explore your own feelings read this book. If you are under the impression that something is mentally wrong with a person who gets their kicks by whips and canes then stick to the fictional tales.
September 6, 2012
Okay, I'll admit that I feel bad for giving a book such a low rating, but I don't do it unless I really don't like the book, and this was one of these books. I'm not a prudish person, I'm quite open and taboo subjects don't put me off, they interest and intrigue me. However, something about this book didn't feel right to me.
I went into this book with an open mind - in fact, I was excited to read it and to see what it was like. After the roaring success of Fifty Shades of Grey, I am sure that a lot of people will want to see what the BDSM lifestyle is really like. Sophie Morgan gives us a look into her life in this memoir, describing her life as a submissive.
The book opens with a very vivid description of the author and her partner on a street, with someone watching them. The scene is obviously meant to look very abusive, and it's successful in that way - it did seem abusive and to be honest, it did make me feel a little disgusted, there was certainly nothing appealing about the situation to me, anyway. I understand that this was probably the point, but after reading that small section, I already wanted to put the book down. A lot of people do simply see this lifestyle as abusive and if you do, I really don't think this is a book that will change your mind. I do not find the thought of BDSM abusive, but I have to say that I did feel that at points in this book, Morgan was in a somewhat abusive situation.
Some people will enjoy this book and the insight that it gives you into BDSM relationships and lifestyles, but to be honest, I didn't learn anything new from this book. It's not to say I know a lot about BDSM, just the things that most people know. I was hoping to really get behind some of the thoughts and emotions, some of the issues behind this somewhat taboo subject and I was glad to see that Morgan was recognising some of the emotional issues related to acting as a submissive and acknowledging them, but I still would've liked to explore this further. Of course, to please those who are simply reading it for the sex scenes, there are lots of those - similar situations with a few different men.
One of my main problems was that I simply couldn't bring myself to care much about Sophie. She is very defensive and full of contradictions which really infuriated me. Her insistence on labelling herself a feminist and grammar fascist were grinding - especially when on the next page the wrong your was used! I certainly didn't hate her, but the problem was that I didn't like her either - I couldn't connect with her in any way as I felt she was always trying to make herself appear to be above others, living some elitist lifestyle, which ironically she is making appear quite common.
Despite Morgan being a journalist, I wasn't impressed with the writing in this book and some of the language that she used in this book was anything but sexy - instead quite crude. As you may be able to tell, this isn't a book that I enjoyed nor was it one that I would particularly recommend. I don't regret reading this book, but it's not a book that will stay with me for any of the right reasons.
I went into this book with an open mind - in fact, I was excited to read it and to see what it was like. After the roaring success of Fifty Shades of Grey, I am sure that a lot of people will want to see what the BDSM lifestyle is really like. Sophie Morgan gives us a look into her life in this memoir, describing her life as a submissive.
The book opens with a very vivid description of the author and her partner on a street, with someone watching them. The scene is obviously meant to look very abusive, and it's successful in that way - it did seem abusive and to be honest, it did make me feel a little disgusted, there was certainly nothing appealing about the situation to me, anyway. I understand that this was probably the point, but after reading that small section, I already wanted to put the book down. A lot of people do simply see this lifestyle as abusive and if you do, I really don't think this is a book that will change your mind. I do not find the thought of BDSM abusive, but I have to say that I did feel that at points in this book, Morgan was in a somewhat abusive situation.
Some people will enjoy this book and the insight that it gives you into BDSM relationships and lifestyles, but to be honest, I didn't learn anything new from this book. It's not to say I know a lot about BDSM, just the things that most people know. I was hoping to really get behind some of the thoughts and emotions, some of the issues behind this somewhat taboo subject and I was glad to see that Morgan was recognising some of the emotional issues related to acting as a submissive and acknowledging them, but I still would've liked to explore this further. Of course, to please those who are simply reading it for the sex scenes, there are lots of those - similar situations with a few different men.
One of my main problems was that I simply couldn't bring myself to care much about Sophie. She is very defensive and full of contradictions which really infuriated me. Her insistence on labelling herself a feminist and grammar fascist were grinding - especially when on the next page the wrong your was used! I certainly didn't hate her, but the problem was that I didn't like her either - I couldn't connect with her in any way as I felt she was always trying to make herself appear to be above others, living some elitist lifestyle, which ironically she is making appear quite common.
Despite Morgan being a journalist, I wasn't impressed with the writing in this book and some of the language that she used in this book was anything but sexy - instead quite crude. As you may be able to tell, this isn't a book that I enjoyed nor was it one that I would particularly recommend. I don't regret reading this book, but it's not a book that will stay with me for any of the right reasons.
April 24, 2022
Me lo leí porque me lo recomendó una amiga (gracias, Petals, tkm) y me ha encantado. Está narrado de una forma realista, sin exageraciones, que describe tanto las sensaciones buenas como las dudosas y hace que te puedas sentir identificada fácilmente.
Las parejas sexuales de Sophie me han gustado mucho. De Ryan no sabemos mucho, pero me cayó bien durante el corto tiempo que lo conocimos. Thomas como dominante y como amigo es un 10/10 (a pesar de que no utilizaba palabras de seguridad, por ejemplo) y Charlotte es también un encanto. Y de James me ha enamorado su lado dulce y considerado (aunque muchas cosas de su relación con Sophie me agobiaron un poco).
Creo que es una muy buena representación de lo que es (y debe ser) el BDSM, y que además tiene reflexiones importantes.
En fin, lo adoro.
Las parejas sexuales de Sophie me han gustado mucho. De Ryan no sabemos mucho, pero me cayó bien durante el corto tiempo que lo conocimos. Thomas como dominante y como amigo es un 10/10 (a pesar de que no utilizaba palabras de seguridad, por ejemplo) y Charlotte es también un encanto. Y de James me ha enamorado su lado dulce y considerado (aunque muchas cosas de su relación con Sophie me agobiaron un poco).
Creo que es una muy buena representación de lo que es (y debe ser) el BDSM, y que además tiene reflexiones importantes.
En fin, lo adoro.
April 21, 2013
This book was completely awful I couldn't manage to pass over 55% of it. It's just so gross, so... I have no words to explain myself.
I really can't understand why an intelligent, strong, independant woman would go through such things. Why humillating you that much? Why letting yourself be humillated in such awful ways? I kept reading and reading, trying to find the answer. But all I've got was the huge question mark of the main character, her sexual need and the shame and ire she felt. Then, I repeat, why going through all of that torture? Because, for Jesus freaking sake, that is torture.
I can't judge anyone because, seriously, if you find arousing being spanked or something, then go for it. But this was, uh, too much. At least for me, I just couldn't take it anymore. And she was, in part, glad of doing so! Come on, being treated like a whore is arousing? Being treated like an object, like an animal with no feelings is arousing? Well, let me answer. NO. JUST NO.
This book is utterly disturbing from my point of view. Too descriptive, too *insert here anything that can disturb your mind* So, if you're not into this type of things, I think you should avoid placing your eyes in this book as I, stupidly, did. You'll get a non-free trauma if doing so, I swear.
December 24, 2012
No, no e ancora no. Volgare e crudo e orrendo e senza il minimo tatto. Cos'era questa? Un'autobiografia su come è riuscita a farsi scrivere insulti di ogni genere su ogni parte del corpo, oppure un manuale su come riuscire a farlo?
No, no e ancora no. Non sono pronta per questo genere di cose. Se è un rapporto consenziente mi sta bene, ma che venga descritto in questo modo.. mai più.
No, no e ancora no. Non sono pronta per questo genere di cose. Se è un rapporto consenziente mi sta bene, ma che venga descritto in questo modo.. mai più.
September 20, 2012
{Disclaimer: I have not read Fifty Shades of Grey, so I’m not sure how or if this affects the overall outcome of this review.}
Diary of a Submissive is Sophie Morgan’s (a journalist) account of her life and how she became a submissive. The first chapter/s delve into her early life, letting you form a picture of Sophie’s roots and how she grew up.
As the story progresses, we are given a detailed account of her sexual experiences and just how she got into the BDSM world. In the beginning, her encounters were brief or fleeting, and it wasn’t until she meets up with Thomas (a fellow university student) that she immerses in the culture. But it is a somewhat hollow relationship as there are no emotional ties between them. Though they remain friends, they go their separate ways, when Sophie realizes she wants more than just sex.
Sophie graduates and becomes a journalist, and then meets James – a successful stockbroker, who slowly makes his way into her heart. Can Sophie have the best of both worlds: a committed relationship and a BDSM lifestyle? Or is James not ready for the world she craves?
_________________________
What I liked about Diary of a Submissive:
1. Grammar Fetish. I found it funny, but appropriate (since she was a journalist), that Sophie wouldn’t consider ‘playing’ with anyone if they had atrocious grammar skills when she was trolling the internet BDSM chat rooms. LOL
2. Work It. I liked how Sophie fought her partners for dominance in the beginning of their relationships. She didn’t just hand over her submission, they had to work for it a little. Smile
3. I want more. I love that Sophie didn’t settle for what Thomas dished out, and she went in search of what she wanted. When she finds her HEA, I did a *happy dance* as I just couldn’t get on board with Thomas since their relationship didn’t have any emotional ties. Plus, when Thomas brings another girl into the equation (Charlotte), I was out! LOL I was so glad Sophie took her time in finding what truly made her happy. Go Sophie!
4. Sex! Sex! Sex! Lots of sex that will keep you turning page after page! Smile
___________________________________
What I disliked about Diary of a Submissive:
1. Format. There is some dialogue and some scenes are written out, but for the most part, it is written in a format where you are told what happened/happens.
It is – in spots – written in present verb tense (which I can’t get into), but the past tense verbs also come into play, and they intermingle throughout.
Also, it is set in England – so it features several words and phrases from that country. It’s not overwhelming, but it does warrant a mention. :)
_____________________
Warnings: Please read all the tags given for this book. If one of them isn’t your cup of tea, you’re not going to enjoy reading. I created a new tag: Spanking because Sophie enjoys being spanked – A LOT *fans self*.
Besides hand spanking, there is spanking with:
brush
cane
crop
belt
wooden spoon
paddle
If you are into this element, Diary of a Submissive is the perfect book for you!
http://readourlipsblog.blogspot.com/2...
Diary of a Submissive is Sophie Morgan’s (a journalist) account of her life and how she became a submissive. The first chapter/s delve into her early life, letting you form a picture of Sophie’s roots and how she grew up.
As the story progresses, we are given a detailed account of her sexual experiences and just how she got into the BDSM world. In the beginning, her encounters were brief or fleeting, and it wasn’t until she meets up with Thomas (a fellow university student) that she immerses in the culture. But it is a somewhat hollow relationship as there are no emotional ties between them. Though they remain friends, they go their separate ways, when Sophie realizes she wants more than just sex.
Sophie graduates and becomes a journalist, and then meets James – a successful stockbroker, who slowly makes his way into her heart. Can Sophie have the best of both worlds: a committed relationship and a BDSM lifestyle? Or is James not ready for the world she craves?
_________________________
What I liked about Diary of a Submissive:
1. Grammar Fetish. I found it funny, but appropriate (since she was a journalist), that Sophie wouldn’t consider ‘playing’ with anyone if they had atrocious grammar skills when she was trolling the internet BDSM chat rooms. LOL
2. Work It. I liked how Sophie fought her partners for dominance in the beginning of their relationships. She didn’t just hand over her submission, they had to work for it a little. Smile
3. I want more. I love that Sophie didn’t settle for what Thomas dished out, and she went in search of what she wanted. When she finds her HEA, I did a *happy dance* as I just couldn’t get on board with Thomas since their relationship didn’t have any emotional ties. Plus, when Thomas brings another girl into the equation (Charlotte), I was out! LOL I was so glad Sophie took her time in finding what truly made her happy. Go Sophie!
4. Sex! Sex! Sex! Lots of sex that will keep you turning page after page! Smile
___________________________________
What I disliked about Diary of a Submissive:
1. Format. There is some dialogue and some scenes are written out, but for the most part, it is written in a format where you are told what happened/happens.
It is – in spots – written in present verb tense (which I can’t get into), but the past tense verbs also come into play, and they intermingle throughout.
Also, it is set in England – so it features several words and phrases from that country. It’s not overwhelming, but it does warrant a mention. :)
_____________________
Warnings: Please read all the tags given for this book. If one of them isn’t your cup of tea, you’re not going to enjoy reading. I created a new tag: Spanking because Sophie enjoys being spanked – A LOT *fans self*.
Besides hand spanking, there is spanking with:
brush
cane
crop
belt
wooden spoon
paddle
If you are into this element, Diary of a Submissive is the perfect book for you!
http://readourlipsblog.blogspot.com/2...
February 15, 2013
I was going to give this a thorough review, mostly because of my feelings whilst reading this book. However, after looking at the reviews briefly, I feel this has been more than done with the 2.8k+ reviews already submitted. In particular, I want to mention Natasha's review 'Natasha is a book junkie' which I thought was brilliantly done and described almost everything that I wanted to say anyway.
The difference between her 2 star rating and my 5 star is that I did not want to mark the book down because it was a little too over the top for me. I have been interested in this genre for a long time, before the Fifty Shades of Grey fiasco anyway - and was thrilled with Fifty hit the shelves, leading to a sudden saturation in the market. I have read a few other trilogies too, some pretty mediocre, so, when I picked up this one, it did shock me a little.
I too have to wonder how much of a submissive she is compared to an actual masochist and although I know the two go hand in hand, the balance, in my opinion, seems to be tipped a little too much to the latter. I didn't 'feel the love' as I did with the other books I have read and yes, Thomas scared me too, but I am not sure if that is simply because the author didn't dwell on the touch feely side of him because she was so focused on the 'punishments' or if there just wasn't any of that coming from him.
James restored a little of my faith in men. Either Sophie wanted to make him a little less sadistic and more human, or he just was, we will never know, but regardless, it was all a little too violent for my taste.
That however, does not make this a bad book. It is just the other spectrum of the BDSM lifestyle that I am sure people do practice.
I do have to wonder about Sophie's outlook in life, her kink and like Natasha, I actually do feel sorry for her need to be treated this way. There is a very fine line I believe, between keeping a D/s relationship a loving and caring one, to simply a physical one. This book, I felt missed out on the loving/caring side of the D/s dynamic.
But, to each their own I guess. For readers that enjoyed Fifty Shades, but who are not active in the lifestyle I would NEVER recommend this book. It does leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. For those however who truly are interested in a D/s lifestyle and want to read an 'honest and frank - all holds bared' side of it, I would recommend it. There is nothing black and white about D/s, there is no absolute rules, this is just one side of it that some people could perhaps enjoy.
I did say I wasn't going to write a review, and there I go doing just that. The reason for my 5 stars was because the author kept me riveted, even if she did make me queasy and in some scenes, quite upset and disturbed, (which is a good result for any writer to get from their readers in my opinion). I found no fault with her writing and have walked away thinking that I understand even more about the D/s dynamic, even if it wasn't pretty.
The difference between her 2 star rating and my 5 star is that I did not want to mark the book down because it was a little too over the top for me. I have been interested in this genre for a long time, before the Fifty Shades of Grey fiasco anyway - and was thrilled with Fifty hit the shelves, leading to a sudden saturation in the market. I have read a few other trilogies too, some pretty mediocre, so, when I picked up this one, it did shock me a little.
I too have to wonder how much of a submissive she is compared to an actual masochist and although I know the two go hand in hand, the balance, in my opinion, seems to be tipped a little too much to the latter. I didn't 'feel the love' as I did with the other books I have read and yes, Thomas scared me too, but I am not sure if that is simply because the author didn't dwell on the touch feely side of him because she was so focused on the 'punishments' or if there just wasn't any of that coming from him.
James restored a little of my faith in men. Either Sophie wanted to make him a little less sadistic and more human, or he just was, we will never know, but regardless, it was all a little too violent for my taste.
That however, does not make this a bad book. It is just the other spectrum of the BDSM lifestyle that I am sure people do practice.
I do have to wonder about Sophie's outlook in life, her kink and like Natasha, I actually do feel sorry for her need to be treated this way. There is a very fine line I believe, between keeping a D/s relationship a loving and caring one, to simply a physical one. This book, I felt missed out on the loving/caring side of the D/s dynamic.
But, to each their own I guess. For readers that enjoyed Fifty Shades, but who are not active in the lifestyle I would NEVER recommend this book. It does leave you with a bitter taste in your mouth. For those however who truly are interested in a D/s lifestyle and want to read an 'honest and frank - all holds bared' side of it, I would recommend it. There is nothing black and white about D/s, there is no absolute rules, this is just one side of it that some people could perhaps enjoy.
I did say I wasn't going to write a review, and there I go doing just that. The reason for my 5 stars was because the author kept me riveted, even if she did make me queasy and in some scenes, quite upset and disturbed, (which is a good result for any writer to get from their readers in my opinion). I found no fault with her writing and have walked away thinking that I understand even more about the D/s dynamic, even if it wasn't pretty.
February 27, 2013
Em
Diário Secreto de Uma Mulher
Sophie Morgan conta-nos como descobriu e explorou o lado da sua personalidade que clamava pela submissão sexual, apesar da vertente violenta e humilhante que invariavelmente a acompanha.
Desde bem cedo, Sophie percebeu que o desafio e as ondas de adrenalina provocadas pela dor e pela provocação verbal despertavam a sua líbido. Confusa e envergonhada com os seus sentimentos, ela própria teve dificuldade em entender e aceitar esta faceta da sua personalidade que, não sendo a única, é ainda assim muito importante na sua vida.
Claro que Diário Secreto de Uma Mulher só nos chegou às mãos graças ao fenómeno As Cinquenta Sombras de Grey mas a honestidade com que Sophie aborda a questão e exprime os seus sentimentos tem, na minha opinião, bastante valor neste caso específico. A linguagem é directa e objectiva, não fosse a autora jornalista de profissão, mas é também por vezes crua e rude, aumentando ainda mais a intensidade das cenas eróticas.
Sophie partilha alguns pontos-chave nesta questão como o facto de a submissão selectiva, isto é, submeter-se apenas pelas partes que uma pessoa prefere não faz sentido nenhum no mundo BDSM. Agradou-me que não tenham havido tentativas de romantizar as suas experiências nem conferir-lhes uma falsa delicadeza e apreciei os debates internos de Sophie, abordados de forma descomplexada.
Não recomendo abertamente esta leitura uma vez que penso que se destinará a pessoas que nutrem curiosidade pela dinâmica de uma relação D/s e com disposição a manter uma mente aberta face às descrições íntimas bastante gráficas e/ou violentas até porque não é fácil ultrapassar os momentos de humilhação/degradação e aceitar certos pontos de vista que a autora tenta transmitir ao leitor… resta-nos confiar nas suas palavras advindas da experiência e ficar com a ideia de que magoar alguém que quer ser magoado não é algo mau mas sim uma delicadeza catártica…
Desde bem cedo, Sophie percebeu que o desafio e as ondas de adrenalina provocadas pela dor e pela provocação verbal despertavam a sua líbido. Confusa e envergonhada com os seus sentimentos, ela própria teve dificuldade em entender e aceitar esta faceta da sua personalidade que, não sendo a única, é ainda assim muito importante na sua vida.
Claro que Diário Secreto de Uma Mulher só nos chegou às mãos graças ao fenómeno As Cinquenta Sombras de Grey mas a honestidade com que Sophie aborda a questão e exprime os seus sentimentos tem, na minha opinião, bastante valor neste caso específico. A linguagem é directa e objectiva, não fosse a autora jornalista de profissão, mas é também por vezes crua e rude, aumentando ainda mais a intensidade das cenas eróticas.
Sophie partilha alguns pontos-chave nesta questão como o facto de a submissão selectiva, isto é, submeter-se apenas pelas partes que uma pessoa prefere não faz sentido nenhum no mundo BDSM. Agradou-me que não tenham havido tentativas de romantizar as suas experiências nem conferir-lhes uma falsa delicadeza e apreciei os debates internos de Sophie, abordados de forma descomplexada.
Não recomendo abertamente esta leitura uma vez que penso que se destinará a pessoas que nutrem curiosidade pela dinâmica de uma relação D/s e com disposição a manter uma mente aberta face às descrições íntimas bastante gráficas e/ou violentas até porque não é fácil ultrapassar os momentos de humilhação/degradação e aceitar certos pontos de vista que a autora tenta transmitir ao leitor… resta-nos confiar nas suas palavras advindas da experiência e ficar com a ideia de que magoar alguém que quer ser magoado não é algo mau mas sim uma delicadeza catártica…
November 3, 2012
I read this book because many fan fictions purport to be BDSM stories and I was curious as to how much was from the imaginations of authors and how much was what really happens out there. I was also seeking answers to the "why?" of the pain and humiliation aspects of this lifestyle.
I found the book interesting and was surprised (and disturbed) at how much more pain and humiliation was involved than has ever been suggested in any story I have read.
I still really don't have all the answers nor do I really understand - but I am more educated on the topic than I was before.
I found the book interesting and was surprised (and disturbed) at how much more pain and humiliation was involved than has ever been suggested in any story I have read.
I still really don't have all the answers nor do I really understand - but I am more educated on the topic than I was before.
August 4, 2012
Why on earth did I start reading this? No offense to the author.
February 23, 2023
Un libro sumamente intenso.
Comencé a leerlo con muchas ganas de conocer esta historia (un relato real de una sumisa escrito por ella misma) para descubrir sobre el mundo del BDSM desde el punto de vista de alguien que lo haya experimentado.
Acostumbro a leer novelas/relatos/fanficción bastantes explícitos pero sin duda jamás había leído escenas TAN crueles. Escenas sexuales entre dominante/sumiso en las que se me cerraba la garganta del miedo e inmediatamente me daba ganas de dejar de leer.
¿Me esperaba tal masoquismo? Probablemente debía. Esperaba que me afectara de esa forma?
Definitivamente no.
Me escandalicé en la mitad de la novela, en donde la protagonista recibía tanto dolor que realmente pensar en que alguien quisiera pasar por una situación similar, me dejó absolutamente descolocada. Me costó terminarlo. Incluso llegué a considerar el hecho de dejarlo hasta ahí, supongo que se me quitó toda esa curiosidad.
En resumidas cuentas: es un excelente libro para tomarle el peso a lo que puede llegar a ser una dinámica real de bdsm si estás interesado en practicarlo. Tanto así que incluso puede llegar a quitarte las ganas si te llamaba la atención.
Comencé a leerlo con muchas ganas de conocer esta historia (un relato real de una sumisa escrito por ella misma) para descubrir sobre el mundo del BDSM desde el punto de vista de alguien que lo haya experimentado.
Acostumbro a leer novelas/relatos/fanficción bastantes explícitos pero sin duda jamás había leído escenas TAN crueles. Escenas sexuales entre dominante/sumiso en las que se me cerraba la garganta del miedo e inmediatamente me daba ganas de dejar de leer.
¿Me esperaba tal masoquismo? Probablemente debía. Esperaba que me afectara de esa forma?
Definitivamente no.
Me escandalicé en la mitad de la novela, en donde la protagonista recibía tanto dolor que realmente pensar en que alguien quisiera pasar por una situación similar, me dejó absolutamente descolocada. Me costó terminarlo. Incluso llegué a considerar el hecho de dejarlo hasta ahí, supongo que se me quitó toda esa curiosidad.
En resumidas cuentas: es un excelente libro para tomarle el peso a lo que puede llegar a ser una dinámica real de bdsm si estás interesado en practicarlo. Tanto así que incluso puede llegar a quitarte las ganas si te llamaba la atención.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 22, 2020
An inside look - as the author claims - into the world of masochistic delights, far from the exaggerations and clichés of most relevant books. It doesn't do any particularly in-depth analysis but it certainly shows us an interesting point of view of the reasons why a modern woman may seek to submit to satisfy her sexual needs and this is accompanied by some very intense erotic scenes. For this ideal combination the book is worthy of the attention of the specific audience it is targeting,
Μία εκ των έσω ματιά - όπως ισχυρίζεται η συγγραφέας - στον κόσμο των μαζοχιστικών απολαύσεων, μακριά από τις υπερβολές και τα κλισέ των περισσότερων σχετικών βιβλίων. Δεν κάνει κάποια ιδιαίτερα βαθιά ανάλυση αλλά σίγουρα μας δείχνει μία ενδιαφέρουσα οπτική γωνία για τους λόγους που μία σύγχρονη γυναίκα μπορεί να ζητήσει να υποταχθεί για να ικανοποιήσει τις σεξουαλικές της ανάγκες και αυτό συνοδεύεται από μερικές πολύ έντονες ερωτικές σκηνές. Για αυτό τον ιδανικό συνδυασμό το βιβλίο είναι άξιο της προσοχής του ειδικού κοινού στο οποίο απευθύνεται,
Μία εκ των έσω ματιά - όπως ισχυρίζεται η συγγραφέας - στον κόσμο των μαζοχιστικών απολαύσεων, μακριά από τις υπερβολές και τα κλισέ των περισσότερων σχετικών βιβλίων. Δεν κάνει κάποια ιδιαίτερα βαθιά ανάλυση αλλά σίγουρα μας δείχνει μία ενδιαφέρουσα οπτική γωνία για τους λόγους που μία σύγχρονη γυναίκα μπορεί να ζητήσει να υποταχθεί για να ικανοποιήσει τις σεξουαλικές της ανάγκες και αυτό συνοδεύεται από μερικές πολύ έντονες ερωτικές σκηνές. Για αυτό τον ιδανικό συνδυασμό το βιβλίο είναι άξιο της προσοχής του ειδικού κοινού στο οποίο απευθύνεται,
July 26, 2018
This book was pretty much what I expected it to be. Honestly, it wasn't all that bad and there were some interesting points of view in terms of the reasons the main character did the things she did. It wasn't harmful, which was a nice change.
There's just a lot of sex. A lot. Like think of how much sex you think might be in a book like this and forget it, because the whole book is basically sex. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it would have been a little more interesting to explore more of the thought processes and after care side of things rather than just the, er, moment of.
Ah well, it was an okay read and, like I said, it wasn't harmful like Fifty Shades so it gets a fairly positive meh from me.
There's just a lot of sex. A lot. Like think of how much sex you think might be in a book like this and forget it, because the whole book is basically sex. I'm not saying that's a bad thing, but it would have been a little more interesting to explore more of the thought processes and after care side of things rather than just the, er, moment of.
Ah well, it was an okay read and, like I said, it wasn't harmful like Fifty Shades so it gets a fairly positive meh from me.
October 6, 2019
vi um monte de gente marcando esse livro na semana passada e fiquei curiosa em ler, rsrsrs
Baseado em fatos reais, aborda vida de uma mulher submissa apenas na cama, e seu prazer em ser desafiada (castigada) e o orgulho que sente em executar tarefas e aceitar as punições.
O livro mostra algumas situações degradantes em que ela se encontra em busca do prazer, mas os personagens não têm nada de draminhas e passados obscuros como vemos em alguns outros livros de ficção envolvendo bdsm e para mim foi um ponto super a favor.
Ah, e não é livro romântico, gostei também por esse motivo. Ela gosta de sentir dor, de algo mais pesado e encontra parceiros que gostam de dominar. Mesmo quando ela quer desistir ela vai até o final para ter seus orgasmos de recompensa.
Baseado em fatos reais, aborda vida de uma mulher submissa apenas na cama, e seu prazer em ser desafiada (castigada) e o orgulho que sente em executar tarefas e aceitar as punições.
O livro mostra algumas situações degradantes em que ela se encontra em busca do prazer, mas os personagens não têm nada de draminhas e passados obscuros como vemos em alguns outros livros de ficção envolvendo bdsm e para mim foi um ponto super a favor.
Ah, e não é livro romântico, gostei também por esse motivo. Ela gosta de sentir dor, de algo mais pesado e encontra parceiros que gostam de dominar. Mesmo quando ela quer desistir ela vai até o final para ter seus orgasmos de recompensa.
did-not-finish
October 28, 2018Ja, har nu tagit mig ett halvår att komma halvvägs och nu ger jag upp. Boken är en blinkning till ”Twilight” (se svenskt bokomslag) samt ”50 nyanser av honom” men till och med dessa två böcker kan ses som litterära mästerverk i jämförelse med detta...
December 9, 2021
Honestly I really don't know what rating I should give this book. Throughout the story I switched between 2 to 4 and back to 2 stars so I ended up giving it 3. I find it interesting to understand the mindset of people that enjoy BDSM. However, the fact that Sophie cried almost everytime just gave me double feelings. It was certainly an informative book
September 3, 2012
I recently read the new book, Diary of a Submissive, which I was pleased to compare to the now infamous 50 Shades of Grey.
Sophie has written an autobiographical account of her exploration of her personal submissive nature, the blossoming of this inside her, her struggle to some kind of acceptance and her experiences along the way.
A true story, this book is both shocking in parts and heart warming in others. I did learn something important; no matter how I feel sometimes sexually, I am not submissive! Sophie’s journey, especially with the evil Tom and female sidekick Charlotte, did make me cringe in places – but if you love extreme female submission it will make you melt, I am sure.
Also, who doesn’t like being called a slut! But that’s what makes us all different I suppose!
The book takes some time to get to the main, juicy plot area but this is understandable as it is, like I say, an autobiographical account of Sophie’s submission. With her admittedly normal, happy upbringing, her loving parents who were supportive and yes, normal – Sophie reassures all kink and BDSM fans out there that no, you do not have to be in some way fucked up, disturbed, deranged or have a hidden dark past in order to have a leaning towards the Fetish scene or whichever orientation you find yourself disposed to in life.
I like that this point was made particularly clearly.
Sophie also is extremely honest and gives raw details about how she feels as she goes through her personal journey to acceptance of her own submissive nature. It’s not always clean cut, easy, or glamorous, It can be hard, torturous, messy. It hurts.
I feel that The Diary of a Submissive is only the surface of Sophie’s past, but it is the relevant details and all the ‘juicy’ scenes are included. From the somewhat tame Ryan at the start with such innocent explorations of hairbrush spankings, to the sadism, excitement and pure filth of Tom and Charlotte, onwards to the building of a relationship with James, Sophie shows us an unashamedly honest and detailed view into her world.
I think it is a mistake to compare this (or any other kink themed) book to 50 Shades of Grey – although I can see why in terms of marketing, it makes sense to cling on to the coat tails of the runaway sales success of EL James’ work. This book is not 50 Shades of Grey and should be read as a stand alone work, to give credit to the author, her work and not just that, but her actual life. Like I say this is not fiction it is someone’s personal journey. James (whom Sophie meets in the second half of the book) is not a real life Christian Grey, I would not insult him like that!
The Diary of a Submissive is a personal account. It is not a flight of pure fancy, nor is it page after page of the most shocking and disturbing BDSM you will ever read. It is, however, real. If you want to read about the realities of submission and how it can be for one person finding their way in an alternative sexuality, you need to give this book a whirl.
Sophie has written an autobiographical account of her exploration of her personal submissive nature, the blossoming of this inside her, her struggle to some kind of acceptance and her experiences along the way.
A true story, this book is both shocking in parts and heart warming in others. I did learn something important; no matter how I feel sometimes sexually, I am not submissive! Sophie’s journey, especially with the evil Tom and female sidekick Charlotte, did make me cringe in places – but if you love extreme female submission it will make you melt, I am sure.
Also, who doesn’t like being called a slut! But that’s what makes us all different I suppose!
The book takes some time to get to the main, juicy plot area but this is understandable as it is, like I say, an autobiographical account of Sophie’s submission. With her admittedly normal, happy upbringing, her loving parents who were supportive and yes, normal – Sophie reassures all kink and BDSM fans out there that no, you do not have to be in some way fucked up, disturbed, deranged or have a hidden dark past in order to have a leaning towards the Fetish scene or whichever orientation you find yourself disposed to in life.
I like that this point was made particularly clearly.
Sophie also is extremely honest and gives raw details about how she feels as she goes through her personal journey to acceptance of her own submissive nature. It’s not always clean cut, easy, or glamorous, It can be hard, torturous, messy. It hurts.
I feel that The Diary of a Submissive is only the surface of Sophie’s past, but it is the relevant details and all the ‘juicy’ scenes are included. From the somewhat tame Ryan at the start with such innocent explorations of hairbrush spankings, to the sadism, excitement and pure filth of Tom and Charlotte, onwards to the building of a relationship with James, Sophie shows us an unashamedly honest and detailed view into her world.
I think it is a mistake to compare this (or any other kink themed) book to 50 Shades of Grey – although I can see why in terms of marketing, it makes sense to cling on to the coat tails of the runaway sales success of EL James’ work. This book is not 50 Shades of Grey and should be read as a stand alone work, to give credit to the author, her work and not just that, but her actual life. Like I say this is not fiction it is someone’s personal journey. James (whom Sophie meets in the second half of the book) is not a real life Christian Grey, I would not insult him like that!
The Diary of a Submissive is a personal account. It is not a flight of pure fancy, nor is it page after page of the most shocking and disturbing BDSM you will ever read. It is, however, real. If you want to read about the realities of submission and how it can be for one person finding their way in an alternative sexuality, you need to give this book a whirl.
October 19, 2012
My full review can be found at Diary of A Submissive: A Review. This is an excerpt:
This is the tip of the iceberg for Sophie, whose memoir explores her submissive nature in sometimes shockingly explicit and frankly erotic terms. Did I wince a few times reading Sophie's relentless search for the combination of pain and pleasure that fulfills her? Hell, yes, I did. But I also wept, applauded, and laughed, and yes, was occasionally turned on, because Sophie Morgan isn't a pervert or a freak, she's a journalist with friends and boring, normal family. She's a woman looking for an emotional connection, a love-story, just like the rest of us.
This is the tip of the iceberg for Sophie, whose memoir explores her submissive nature in sometimes shockingly explicit and frankly erotic terms. Did I wince a few times reading Sophie's relentless search for the combination of pain and pleasure that fulfills her? Hell, yes, I did. But I also wept, applauded, and laughed, and yes, was occasionally turned on, because Sophie Morgan isn't a pervert or a freak, she's a journalist with friends and boring, normal family. She's a woman looking for an emotional connection, a love-story, just like the rest of us.
Read
June 11, 2016ehhhhhhh. i read lots of v enthusiastic praise for the book, but my overall impression was "meh".
the characters were meh, the style, the plot, the sex.
i mean, the style was not necessarily bad, but i spotted quite some unnecessary word repetitions & also all those phrases even the tiniest budding fanfiction smut writer should recognize as ridiculous: tongues invading mouths, the heroine getting impaled on a penis, and even duelling mouths!
honestly.
also: i do strongly believe that it is somehow possible to convey arousal via style / sentence length/rhytm and stuff and that just describing everything is just not the sexiest way to go about. like, if you want to make me believe in your arousal you have to do more than to again and again emphasize how wet the heroine is. this just makes me think of the line "du bist so feucht, in dir traniert ein schwimmverein" by german rap group KIZ, and this is just ... not hot.
i think all the praise i read mainly stems from the fact that this is better than 50SoG. which it is. but well, the hurdle is pretty low here.
the characters were meh, the style, the plot, the sex.
i mean, the style was not necessarily bad, but i spotted quite some unnecessary word repetitions & also all those phrases even the tiniest budding fanfiction smut writer should recognize as ridiculous: tongues invading mouths, the heroine getting impaled on a penis, and even duelling mouths!
honestly.
also: i do strongly believe that it is somehow possible to convey arousal via style / sentence length/rhytm and stuff and that just describing everything is just not the sexiest way to go about. like, if you want to make me believe in your arousal you have to do more than to again and again emphasize how wet the heroine is. this just makes me think of the line "du bist so feucht, in dir traniert ein schwimmverein" by german rap group KIZ, and this is just ... not hot.
i think all the praise i read mainly stems from the fact that this is better than 50SoG. which it is. but well, the hurdle is pretty low here.
June 25, 2022
“Ik was toe aan een fatsoenlijke onfatsoenlijke vriend.”
Geloofwaardigheidsvraag 1: is Sophie Morgan geloofwaardig een vrouw? Na wat googlen ben ik overtuigd dat Morgan weliswaar een pseudoniem is, maar inderdaad van een vrouw. Ze zou werken als journaliste. Dat stelt gerust, want als ik ergens allergisch voor ben, is het voor mannen die zich uitgeven voor een vrouw om vervolgens erotiek vanuit mannelijk perspectief te schrijven - een soort valsheid in geschrifte vind ik dat, en potentieel gevaarlijk.
Geloofwaardigheidsvraag 2: is het boek met als titel ‘diary’ geloofwaardig als autobiografisch? Inderdaad vinden we een artikel van Morgan uit 2012 in The Observer: “I like submissive sex but Fifty Shades is not about fun: it’s about abuse.” In het artikel beschrijft Morgan dat zij van ‘submissive sex’ houdt maar dat de voorstelling van zaken in Fifty Shades onrealistisch is. “Being submissive is only one facet of who I am - and not even the most important.” In het artikel verzet ze zich tegen het verhaal van E.L. James met als kernthema abusive sex in ruil voor welvaart en luxe van het soort ‘helicopter, dure juwelen, appartementen en designer kleding’ - meer kapitalisme en patriarchaat dan liefdevolle erotiek. En dat schiet Morgan, een zelfverklaard feministe, in het verkeerde keelgat.
So far so good. Nu het boek.
Roze wolk
Het boek begint nogal als een roze wolk. Morgan zet zichzelf neer als een perfect plaatje met een perfecte jeugd vol liefdevolle gezinsleden en huisdieren. Morgan beschrijft zichzelf als een teruggetrokken, rustige jongere, niet eens rebels als puber; gemiddeld intelligent en aantrekkelijk, een lezer en dromer. Zeker geen thrill seeker of getraumatiseerde vrouw. Het personage Sophie Morgan in dit boek begint nogal vlak. Wat nuancering en realisme had de setting geloofwaardiger gemaakt.
Slet
In de loop van het verhaal wordt het personage steeds meer een mens van vlees en bloed. Bijvoorbeeld als ze vertelt over haar eerste verkenningen van bdsm op het internet en hoe timide en voorzichtig ze was, bang om er vooral idioten tegen te komen, wat ook zo lijkt te zijn. Later, als ze in een rij voor de bioscoop met een vriendin een nogal lompe man tegenkomt die meer en meer een vriend wordt en nog later haar eerste D/s-minnaar. Ze vertelt over genot én over afkeer. Bijvoorbeeld als haar minnaar haar aanspreekt met ‘slet’. Vind ik ook echt geen kwalificatie om naar je minnares te gebruiken. Morgan maakt eerst duidelijk dat de context de betekenis bepaalt: dus slet in een alledaagse setting is afkeurenswaardig maar in een D/s-relatie kan het onderdeel van het spel zijn. En toch keert haar autonome en zelfstandige zelf zich tegen die kwalificatie. Waarom zijn vrouwen die plezier beleven aan seks sletten? Ik ben het hartgrondig met haar eens; het is een woord dat we niet meer moeten gebruiken, helemaal niet meer.
Spannend en saai
Aanvankelijk lezen de seksuele escapades van Morgan wel als spannend, maar op een gegeven moment wordt het ook wel saai. Zoveel creativiteit is er nou ook weer niet aan de hand bij seks waardoor de handelingen en het spel steeds meer op elkaar gaan lijken. De Dom vindt dat de sub straf verdient (aanleiding en reden zijn irrelevant), de sub krijgt eerst een spanking waar ze zelf opgewonden van wordt, daarna mag ze de Dom oraal bevredigen en dan bevredigend hij haar oraal; de laatste twee stappen kunnen ook andersom. Tja… waarschijnlijk is het fijn om te beleven, maar ik vraag me wel af hoe je dit spel met elkaar kunt volhouden zonder dat het gaat voelen als ‘normale seks’ met een soort toneelstukje?
Grenzen
Zelfs Morgan, iemand die meer dan gemiddeld geïnteresseerd is in seks, ontdekt haar grenzen. “Ik kwam er al snel achter dat ik geen type ben voor orgasmeonthouding.” Ook trio’s zijn niet voor haar: “Seks is toch een spel voor twee spelers (…).” En seks zonder emotie: “Door mijn tijd met Thomas wist ik nu dat er naast geweldige seks ook een emotionele band moest zijn (…).” Morgan wil ook niet een relatie waarin de dagelijkse gang van zaken doorspekt is van D/s; het moet spel blijven voor haar.
Geloofwaardigheidsvraag nummer 3
In de loop van dit boek bekruipt mij wel geloofwaardigheidsvraag nummer 3: is het verhaal zelf geloofwaardig? Ik begin te twijfelen als Morgan vertelt hoe ze als junior journaliste een interview krijgt met effectenmakelaar James in de City in London. Alleen de naam al. Het speelt allemaal in de UK, dus in theorie kan het, maar wel toevallig de achternaam van haar rivale E.L. James. Maakt Anastasia Steele niet op dezelfde manier kennis met Christian Grey, ook een rijke zakenman, via een interview voor een studentenblad?
Moed
Wat vind ik, het hele verhaal overziend, van het thema; of de lifestyle? Hmm a mixed bag, to be honest. Ik heb bewondering voor de eerlijkheid van de betrokken personen/ personages, naar elkaar en vooral naar zichzelf. Het getuigt van moed om je zo kwetsbaar open te stellen als zij doen. Ik vind de beschreven handelingen niet aantrekkelijk. Daarnaast komt het D/s-rollenspel op mij over als een toneelstukje, als niet echt; ik voel het niet. De seksuele lading van sommige van de passages komt wel over. Ik ben vooral getroffen door de eerlijkheid en openheid voor vernieuwing van de personages en door hun moed. Ik kan me voorstellen dat deze interesse, als zij door de partners wordt gedeeld, kan leiden tot verdieping van de relatie. Alleen lezen we daar niet over omdat alle experimenten plaatsvinden in de eerste fase van een relatie. Zou dit vol te houden zijn in een huwelijk, met ups en downs, met sleur, hypotheek, dementerende ouders, geldzorgen en puberkinderen? Als iemand mij zou voorstellen om mee te doen, dan bedank ik vriendelijk en sla even over (excusez de woordgrap).
Geloofwaardigheidsvraag 1: is Sophie Morgan geloofwaardig een vrouw? Na wat googlen ben ik overtuigd dat Morgan weliswaar een pseudoniem is, maar inderdaad van een vrouw. Ze zou werken als journaliste. Dat stelt gerust, want als ik ergens allergisch voor ben, is het voor mannen die zich uitgeven voor een vrouw om vervolgens erotiek vanuit mannelijk perspectief te schrijven - een soort valsheid in geschrifte vind ik dat, en potentieel gevaarlijk.
Geloofwaardigheidsvraag 2: is het boek met als titel ‘diary’ geloofwaardig als autobiografisch? Inderdaad vinden we een artikel van Morgan uit 2012 in The Observer: “I like submissive sex but Fifty Shades is not about fun: it’s about abuse.” In het artikel beschrijft Morgan dat zij van ‘submissive sex’ houdt maar dat de voorstelling van zaken in Fifty Shades onrealistisch is. “Being submissive is only one facet of who I am - and not even the most important.” In het artikel verzet ze zich tegen het verhaal van E.L. James met als kernthema abusive sex in ruil voor welvaart en luxe van het soort ‘helicopter, dure juwelen, appartementen en designer kleding’ - meer kapitalisme en patriarchaat dan liefdevolle erotiek. En dat schiet Morgan, een zelfverklaard feministe, in het verkeerde keelgat.
So far so good. Nu het boek.
Roze wolk
Het boek begint nogal als een roze wolk. Morgan zet zichzelf neer als een perfect plaatje met een perfecte jeugd vol liefdevolle gezinsleden en huisdieren. Morgan beschrijft zichzelf als een teruggetrokken, rustige jongere, niet eens rebels als puber; gemiddeld intelligent en aantrekkelijk, een lezer en dromer. Zeker geen thrill seeker of getraumatiseerde vrouw. Het personage Sophie Morgan in dit boek begint nogal vlak. Wat nuancering en realisme had de setting geloofwaardiger gemaakt.
Slet
In de loop van het verhaal wordt het personage steeds meer een mens van vlees en bloed. Bijvoorbeeld als ze vertelt over haar eerste verkenningen van bdsm op het internet en hoe timide en voorzichtig ze was, bang om er vooral idioten tegen te komen, wat ook zo lijkt te zijn. Later, als ze in een rij voor de bioscoop met een vriendin een nogal lompe man tegenkomt die meer en meer een vriend wordt en nog later haar eerste D/s-minnaar. Ze vertelt over genot én over afkeer. Bijvoorbeeld als haar minnaar haar aanspreekt met ‘slet’. Vind ik ook echt geen kwalificatie om naar je minnares te gebruiken. Morgan maakt eerst duidelijk dat de context de betekenis bepaalt: dus slet in een alledaagse setting is afkeurenswaardig maar in een D/s-relatie kan het onderdeel van het spel zijn. En toch keert haar autonome en zelfstandige zelf zich tegen die kwalificatie. Waarom zijn vrouwen die plezier beleven aan seks sletten? Ik ben het hartgrondig met haar eens; het is een woord dat we niet meer moeten gebruiken, helemaal niet meer.
Spannend en saai
Aanvankelijk lezen de seksuele escapades van Morgan wel als spannend, maar op een gegeven moment wordt het ook wel saai. Zoveel creativiteit is er nou ook weer niet aan de hand bij seks waardoor de handelingen en het spel steeds meer op elkaar gaan lijken. De Dom vindt dat de sub straf verdient (aanleiding en reden zijn irrelevant), de sub krijgt eerst een spanking waar ze zelf opgewonden van wordt, daarna mag ze de Dom oraal bevredigen en dan bevredigend hij haar oraal; de laatste twee stappen kunnen ook andersom. Tja… waarschijnlijk is het fijn om te beleven, maar ik vraag me wel af hoe je dit spel met elkaar kunt volhouden zonder dat het gaat voelen als ‘normale seks’ met een soort toneelstukje?
Grenzen
Zelfs Morgan, iemand die meer dan gemiddeld geïnteresseerd is in seks, ontdekt haar grenzen. “Ik kwam er al snel achter dat ik geen type ben voor orgasmeonthouding.” Ook trio’s zijn niet voor haar: “Seks is toch een spel voor twee spelers (…).” En seks zonder emotie: “Door mijn tijd met Thomas wist ik nu dat er naast geweldige seks ook een emotionele band moest zijn (…).” Morgan wil ook niet een relatie waarin de dagelijkse gang van zaken doorspekt is van D/s; het moet spel blijven voor haar.
Geloofwaardigheidsvraag nummer 3
In de loop van dit boek bekruipt mij wel geloofwaardigheidsvraag nummer 3: is het verhaal zelf geloofwaardig? Ik begin te twijfelen als Morgan vertelt hoe ze als junior journaliste een interview krijgt met effectenmakelaar James in de City in London. Alleen de naam al. Het speelt allemaal in de UK, dus in theorie kan het, maar wel toevallig de achternaam van haar rivale E.L. James. Maakt Anastasia Steele niet op dezelfde manier kennis met Christian Grey, ook een rijke zakenman, via een interview voor een studentenblad?
Moed
Wat vind ik, het hele verhaal overziend, van het thema; of de lifestyle? Hmm a mixed bag, to be honest. Ik heb bewondering voor de eerlijkheid van de betrokken personen/ personages, naar elkaar en vooral naar zichzelf. Het getuigt van moed om je zo kwetsbaar open te stellen als zij doen. Ik vind de beschreven handelingen niet aantrekkelijk. Daarnaast komt het D/s-rollenspel op mij over als een toneelstukje, als niet echt; ik voel het niet. De seksuele lading van sommige van de passages komt wel over. Ik ben vooral getroffen door de eerlijkheid en openheid voor vernieuwing van de personages en door hun moed. Ik kan me voorstellen dat deze interesse, als zij door de partners wordt gedeeld, kan leiden tot verdieping van de relatie. Alleen lezen we daar niet over omdat alle experimenten plaatsvinden in de eerste fase van een relatie. Zou dit vol te houden zijn in een huwelijk, met ups en downs, met sleur, hypotheek, dementerende ouders, geldzorgen en puberkinderen? Als iemand mij zou voorstellen om mee te doen, dan bedank ik vriendelijk en sla even over (excusez de woordgrap).
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