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How to Get Over a Boy
Are you fed up with thinking about that guy every minute of every waking hour, when he doesn't even reply to your texts?
Are you reeling from the pain of a break-up, unsure of where to turn?
Are you single and looking to be happy with your choices in the face of society's constant questioning?
In How to Get Over a Boy, bestselling author Chidera Eggerue will show you, once and for all, how to reframe the stale goal of finding a man. She will equip you with tangible and applicable solutions for every part of your dating life, helping you recognize that men hold as much power in our romantic lives as we grant them.
In the past, dating books tend to lean more into the territory of 'how to make him find you hot!', 'how to make him jealous!', 'how to get him to propose!'. But these how-tos are placing men on a pedestal of being 'the prize'. Men are NEVER the prize. You are. Let The Slumflower show you why.
Are you reeling from the pain of a break-up, unsure of where to turn?
Are you single and looking to be happy with your choices in the face of society's constant questioning?
In How to Get Over a Boy, bestselling author Chidera Eggerue will show you, once and for all, how to reframe the stale goal of finding a man. She will equip you with tangible and applicable solutions for every part of your dating life, helping you recognize that men hold as much power in our romantic lives as we grant them.
In the past, dating books tend to lean more into the territory of 'how to make him find you hot!', 'how to make him jealous!', 'how to get him to propose!'. But these how-tos are placing men on a pedestal of being 'the prize'. Men are NEVER the prize. You are. Let The Slumflower show you why.
Audiobook
First published February 4, 2020
141 people are currently reading
3103 people want to read
About the author
Chidera Eggerue
8 books304 followersChidera is featured in Sunday Times’ 2019 Top 100 Influencers list, The Evening Standard Progress 1000 most influential 2019 and BBC’s 100 Women 2018. That same year, Chidera was also awarded Cosmopolitan’s ‘Changemaker of the Year’ award. March 2018 saw Chidera host a BBC Newsbeat documentary about hair loss in young people, which raised awareness of traction alopecia (from which she suffers) and in June of the same year Chidera gave her inaugural TEDx talk, exploring the fear of being alone.
2018 was also the year that Chidera created #SAGGYBOOBSMATTER movement which quickly became a trending hashtag and led to Chidera’s appearance on ITV’s This Morning driving a new conversation regarding the way we view women’s bodies.
Chidera recently starred in her own documentary “Bring Back the Bush” that TX-ed 27th January at 10pm on Channel 4, and debuted her first live show “Chidera Eggerue: How To Get Over a Boy Live” at Earth in Hackney. The one-woman, sell-out show was part motivational TED talk, part live book reading, part audience participation, part safe space. She will be launching her podcast ‘The Slumflower Hour’ in 2021.
2018 was also the year that Chidera created #SAGGYBOOBSMATTER movement which quickly became a trending hashtag and led to Chidera’s appearance on ITV’s This Morning driving a new conversation regarding the way we view women’s bodies.
Chidera recently starred in her own documentary “Bring Back the Bush” that TX-ed 27th January at 10pm on Channel 4, and debuted her first live show “Chidera Eggerue: How To Get Over a Boy Live” at Earth in Hackney. The one-woman, sell-out show was part motivational TED talk, part live book reading, part audience participation, part safe space. She will be launching her podcast ‘The Slumflower Hour’ in 2021.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 182 reviews
September 27, 2020
Oh how I hoped this book would be different. For the majority of it I deliberated rating it one star, feeling like I was too harsh to then setting on three. Two stars feels like a reasonable compromise.
Unfortunately, despite my willingness to like this book and learn from it, I did not like it. It did not help me or enlighten me with a worthwhile point of view. Here is why:
- I often felt the title of the book should have been "How to Get Over a System" rather than a boy. The author focused a lot of her ideas on how the system is built on favouring men over women. I could not relate to her ideas since she frequently used terms such as "all men" etc... It is difficult to find value in a book that is founded on generalised terminology and blanket ideas, as well as being open to everyone whilst simultaneously serving no one. (In my opinion☺️)
- What was striking to me was that unknowingly the book is another by-product and symptom of the modern/current ethic of morality: the ethic of the self, which is the corresponding ethic of soft capitalism that presently dominates our social systems - which, the author so often criticised as the root of the imbalance between men and women!!
- Eggerue's ideas lacked evidence, explanations and research. Once or twice I felt that she stumbled upon an interesting idea and how I wished that she covered it in more depth or explained it better! However, all her advice would be whittled down to short and catchy slogans that, for me, hold no substance.
- I disliked how in her effort to empower women, Eggerue be-littled men to the extent that I felt it was unhealthy. She often announced that women deserve love without having to lift a finger and that we should not jump through hoops to deserve love. I agree with this an extent that in my experience women often try to mould themselves to be more lovable. However, the author then went on the explain how men should jump through hoops to deserve the love of a woman. This goes against my own belief in equality and seems a toxic way to fight injustice we may experience. The man should not jump through hoops to deserve love and equally, neither should the woman.
- At one point she claims that "a lot of women are jealous of sex workers" with no explanation of why she makes such a statement. This was unsettling to read because I had no idea where she got the statement from. I have never come across it myself. This type of narrative made her philosophy weak and unfounded and the major reason why I did not enjoy the book.
- Lastly, the book was a quick read. Mostly due to wasteful pages used as "fillers" to bulk out the book covering pages and pages of superficial slogans that lacked true depth. It felt that the book was written as quickly as it can be read.
I do realise that other women, with different experiences, may find some comfort or help in this book. Unfortunately it was not the case for me.
Unfortunately, despite my willingness to like this book and learn from it, I did not like it. It did not help me or enlighten me with a worthwhile point of view. Here is why:
- I often felt the title of the book should have been "How to Get Over a System" rather than a boy. The author focused a lot of her ideas on how the system is built on favouring men over women. I could not relate to her ideas since she frequently used terms such as "all men" etc... It is difficult to find value in a book that is founded on generalised terminology and blanket ideas, as well as being open to everyone whilst simultaneously serving no one. (In my opinion☺️)
- What was striking to me was that unknowingly the book is another by-product and symptom of the modern/current ethic of morality: the ethic of the self, which is the corresponding ethic of soft capitalism that presently dominates our social systems - which, the author so often criticised as the root of the imbalance between men and women!!
- Eggerue's ideas lacked evidence, explanations and research. Once or twice I felt that she stumbled upon an interesting idea and how I wished that she covered it in more depth or explained it better! However, all her advice would be whittled down to short and catchy slogans that, for me, hold no substance.
- I disliked how in her effort to empower women, Eggerue be-littled men to the extent that I felt it was unhealthy. She often announced that women deserve love without having to lift a finger and that we should not jump through hoops to deserve love. I agree with this an extent that in my experience women often try to mould themselves to be more lovable. However, the author then went on the explain how men should jump through hoops to deserve the love of a woman. This goes against my own belief in equality and seems a toxic way to fight injustice we may experience. The man should not jump through hoops to deserve love and equally, neither should the woman.
- At one point she claims that "a lot of women are jealous of sex workers" with no explanation of why she makes such a statement. This was unsettling to read because I had no idea where she got the statement from. I have never come across it myself. This type of narrative made her philosophy weak and unfounded and the major reason why I did not enjoy the book.
- Lastly, the book was a quick read. Mostly due to wasteful pages used as "fillers" to bulk out the book covering pages and pages of superficial slogans that lacked true depth. It felt that the book was written as quickly as it can be read.
I do realise that other women, with different experiences, may find some comfort or help in this book. Unfortunately it was not the case for me.
June 11, 2020
this is where I’m currently at in life. judge your momma.
anywho, after unintentionally missing my therapy appointment the other day, I found myself in desperate need of SOMETHING. *enter this book glowing from the self-help shelf of B&N today*
Finished in one sitting at the park this evening and it’s precisely what I expected from a read of this topic. Essentially your best friend hyping you in your ear, reminding you that you’re still the shit.
2.5 star rating - there were some takeaways!
*Also, I would never admit on Instagram that I read this book, so Goodreads followers you’re getting an inside scoop into my personal life forreal forreal!
anywho, after unintentionally missing my therapy appointment the other day, I found myself in desperate need of SOMETHING. *enter this book glowing from the self-help shelf of B&N today*
Finished in one sitting at the park this evening and it’s precisely what I expected from a read of this topic. Essentially your best friend hyping you in your ear, reminding you that you’re still the shit.
2.5 star rating - there were some takeaways!
*Also, I would never admit on Instagram that I read this book, so Goodreads followers you’re getting an inside scoop into my personal life forreal forreal!
January 29, 2020
Chidera speaks to my soul! I can’t help but find examples and connections in my own life with pretty much everything she writes. As I read this book clear people and moments came to mind that where fitting examples of the damaging patters I continue to perpetuate. It is extraordinary how these somewhat simple ideas land so profoundly in the way that this book is written. I recommend this regardless of if your getting over a relationship because the principals are appropriate for all connections and also just some solid life guidance. God dam this really empowered me to start creating some boundaries and valuing myself. This constant need to be wanted and basing my own self value on the way I let others treat me (which is often degrading and never in my interests) just because I am afraid of being alone. The real reason I am afraid of being alone is because I don’t value or love myself enough to face my own vicious cycle of constant negative feedback. This negative feedback comes from the world around us but is also from with in. This book has helped me to really understand the only way to truly change this is to create standards for who we allow into our space and how we let ourselves be treated by others. This is that book you want everyone in your life to read. We all deserve to feel in control of how we are treated and what we deserve. Thank you for another awesome read!!
August 3, 2020
Not to be dramatic but this book came into my life at exactly the right time. I would like to give it to all my girlfriends and female family members because every woman deserves to truly know her worth and be brave enough to ask for it. Eggerue's no-no sense approach to issues all female-identifying people who date men have had to deal with at some point is refreshing and perfectly complement by her matter-of-fact tone and vocabulary. She doesn't use metaphors or figurative language. She deals only in facts.
Eggerue also does not shy away from the way a woman's race can affect the way she is treated by her partner, and while this particular issue does not affect me personally it is definitely something that should be discussed openly and regularly.
I recommend this book to women. All women. Every single one.
Eggerue also does not shy away from the way a woman's race can affect the way she is treated by her partner, and while this particular issue does not affect me personally it is definitely something that should be discussed openly and regularly.
I recommend this book to women. All women. Every single one.
April 15, 2021
I could see why some people would find this helpful. However, it doesn't have much nuance and, in my opinion, some of the advice just isn't great.
The points about feminism are very surface-level. The examples she gives feels like they were ripped straight from 2013 tumblr posts. If you are seeking something deeper, this isn't for you.
Some of the advice is just goofy (if you need to distance yourself from the expectations society has for your body, just remember everyone you admire poops!!) but what really sent me over the edge was the part where she talked about attachment styles.
When discussing her own attachment style (anxious-preoccupied), she does not address how it could negatively impact partners. When discussing the avoidant attachment styles she does address the negative impacts on partners and says things like "It can be absolutely draining and can deplete your self-esteem to be on the receiving end of this behavior" and that men like this "will suck years from your life if you hang around waiting for them to make their minds up," while in the same breath saying that these people deserve love too. It seems like she's really trying to say "people with avoidant attachment styles deserve love from SOMEONE... but that someone doesn't need to be you." Something about how she addresses avoidant attachment styles like they are lost cause and not worth your time, but does not address her own attachment style from a similar angle, smells fishy to me. People are complicated. Trauma that causes attachment style issues is complicated. It would be wonderful if everyone had a secure attachment style, but that just isn't the case. Expecting that you should strive to only date people with secure attachment styles who are totally cool with their pasts and have completely worked through their traumas feels unrealistic to me.
I am not currently "getting over a boy" but I had hoped that this would provide some interesting ideas for me to reflect on. Instead, it regurgitated pretty common break-up advice/feminist ideas that could be helpful if it's your first time being told that the patriarchy sucks and you should value your self-worth in a relationship and while you're on your own.
The points about feminism are very surface-level. The examples she gives feels like they were ripped straight from 2013 tumblr posts. If you are seeking something deeper, this isn't for you.
Some of the advice is just goofy (if you need to distance yourself from the expectations society has for your body, just remember everyone you admire poops!!) but what really sent me over the edge was the part where she talked about attachment styles.
When discussing her own attachment style (anxious-preoccupied), she does not address how it could negatively impact partners. When discussing the avoidant attachment styles she does address the negative impacts on partners and says things like "It can be absolutely draining and can deplete your self-esteem to be on the receiving end of this behavior" and that men like this "will suck years from your life if you hang around waiting for them to make their minds up," while in the same breath saying that these people deserve love too. It seems like she's really trying to say "people with avoidant attachment styles deserve love from SOMEONE... but that someone doesn't need to be you." Something about how she addresses avoidant attachment styles like they are lost cause and not worth your time, but does not address her own attachment style from a similar angle, smells fishy to me. People are complicated. Trauma that causes attachment style issues is complicated. It would be wonderful if everyone had a secure attachment style, but that just isn't the case. Expecting that you should strive to only date people with secure attachment styles who are totally cool with their pasts and have completely worked through their traumas feels unrealistic to me.
I am not currently "getting over a boy" but I had hoped that this would provide some interesting ideas for me to reflect on. Instead, it regurgitated pretty common break-up advice/feminist ideas that could be helpful if it's your first time being told that the patriarchy sucks and you should value your self-worth in a relationship and while you're on your own.
July 28, 2021
THIS BOOK IS AMAZING! Urging all women to read this at some point!
July 25, 2020
4.5/5
Weer zo'n mooi boek! Ditmaal over self love, body positivity en de liefde. Echt inspirerend.
Weer zo'n mooi boek! Ditmaal over self love, body positivity en de liefde. Echt inspirerend.
January 20, 2021
I really enjoyed listening to this book and was happy that the audiobook was read by Chidera herself. Chidera provides ideas and guidance surrounding beauty, love and boundaries that I could have actually used a few months ago. I found myself reflecting on her words and laughing at how applicable to the way I used to (and probably still do sometimes) see beauty, love and relationships.
While the ideas written in this book are not entirely new, Chidera provides a much-needed reminder of the systematic oppression women and specifically women of colour face and an honest, modern and sometimes funny perspective on navigating dating/marriage to men in a patriarchal society.
My favourite chapter was focused on creating boundaries. Here are some of my favourite quotes:
"Men who approach you with minimal respect do not deserve access to you."
"As boundless as love is, it does need boundaries in order to allow it to manifest in a way that is safe, respectful and healthy."
"The fear of losing a person that is bad for you is valid. But the risk of losing yourself is more important than this fear."
"Loving someone should never come at the sacrifice of my well-being."
"We have to be mindful of who we fall in love with when we are at our lowest [...] Would the relationship thrive if you were happy?"
“Our relationships and friendships often reflect where we are in life at the moment, and sometimes when you evolve sooner than you were prepared for, the only way to complete the process is to remove people from your life who only remind you of the version of yourself you have since outgrown...This is why I am strongly against helping to build men up in a world where they are averse to anything that reminds them of their struggle.”
While the ideas written in this book are not entirely new, Chidera provides a much-needed reminder of the systematic oppression women and specifically women of colour face and an honest, modern and sometimes funny perspective on navigating dating/marriage to men in a patriarchal society.
My favourite chapter was focused on creating boundaries. Here are some of my favourite quotes:
"Men who approach you with minimal respect do not deserve access to you."
"As boundless as love is, it does need boundaries in order to allow it to manifest in a way that is safe, respectful and healthy."
"The fear of losing a person that is bad for you is valid. But the risk of losing yourself is more important than this fear."
"Loving someone should never come at the sacrifice of my well-being."
"We have to be mindful of who we fall in love with when we are at our lowest [...] Would the relationship thrive if you were happy?"
“Our relationships and friendships often reflect where we are in life at the moment, and sometimes when you evolve sooner than you were prepared for, the only way to complete the process is to remove people from your life who only remind you of the version of yourself you have since outgrown...This is why I am strongly against helping to build men up in a world where they are averse to anything that reminds them of their struggle.”
May 24, 2024
A lot of the criticisms i see of this book is that it’s not mainly an advice book on how to get over someone but I kinda liked that it was mostly about patriarchal and societal views that slip into relationships and the type of relationship you want and so on. I don’t think it’s logical to write an entire book about how you can get over someone because that’s entirely personal and the author did in fact list some tips. I just enjoyed reading about her experiences because personally i always feel more understood and less alone when i realise other women go through the same things i do, especially when it comes to relationships with men. I thought there were some interesting insides in this book and i would recommend it to all my female friends because they deserve to know how amazing they are. Of course there were some aspects I didn’t really agree with, like the financial parts i found rather strange. Overall i think this is a quick read and also good if you don’t really read non-fiction/self help books very often like me, because it’s very approachable.
June 7, 2020
This is much better than Eggerue's debut, How to Be Alone, which was sparse. Eggerue no longer holds back; this book is radically and controversially feminist. The main takeaway is that men are dispensable and ought to prove their worth to women, who in turn should never settle for men who don't treat them like goddesses. Eggerue even argues that hypergamy (marrying for money) is the way forward because it evens the gender/wealth gap. Race and white privilege are covered too - Eggerue makes some hard-hitting points about how feminism hasn't served white and Black women equally. I don't necessarily agree with everything Eggerue says about dating for money, but I love that she is not afraid to say it. I even used this book in an undergraduate essay about feminism and wealth. This book has some bite!
December 11, 2023
I really, REALLY don't read self-help
like at all
this is my first self-help book
ever
and it actually wasn't all that bad??
i actually got some tips and good advice from this and I thought it was pretty good.
ill be following through on these, and hoping it'll help me move on :))
only down a star because i kind of disagree with the whole 'finding your pleasure' concept because it's just not my thing
i would definitely recommend though, it has some good tidbits :D
like at all
this is my first self-help book
ever
and it actually wasn't all that bad??
i actually got some tips and good advice from this and I thought it was pretty good.
ill be following through on these, and hoping it'll help me move on :))
only down a star because i kind of disagree with the whole 'finding your pleasure' concept because it's just not my thing
i would definitely recommend though, it has some good tidbits :D
January 8, 2023
The title of this book is not really relevant to the content.
Some interesting take-aways and controversial/thought provoking comments (notably on hypergamy) but overall it consists of lots of reminders about how we are goddesses and shouldn't accept anything less. (This I completely agree in but felt it didn't really dig deep).
Some interesting take-aways and controversial/thought provoking comments (notably on hypergamy) but overall it consists of lots of reminders about how we are goddesses and shouldn't accept anything less. (This I completely agree in but felt it didn't really dig deep).
February 27, 2021
THE BEST self help book I have ever read and personally benefited from. I don't agree with everything she mentioned but most things were so on point I've revamped my approach to relationships in general just based on the facts she shared. Women of color all over the world are going through similar issues, who knew?
July 22, 2020
Did it ultimately tell me how to get over a boy? No. Had some wise words though.
May 30, 2024
Solid 3.5 stars!
There are some pages which really gave me great insight on attachment styles and behavioural patterns in relationships, but because this book wasn’t necessarily catered to me (which I knew from the title lmao I’m very lgbtq+) some chapters were a little lost on me, just in terms of relating her words to personal experience.
Some points I felt were a bit underdeveloped and basic, but others very well articulated and backed by facts. Most of the things she brought up felt quite general, so would be better to just read books targeted at some of the specific points she brought up instead of this if looking for deeper knowledge.
Overall, exactly what I expected so I’m happy with this read!
There are some pages which really gave me great insight on attachment styles and behavioural patterns in relationships, but because this book wasn’t necessarily catered to me (which I knew from the title lmao I’m very lgbtq+) some chapters were a little lost on me, just in terms of relating her words to personal experience.
Some points I felt were a bit underdeveloped and basic, but others very well articulated and backed by facts. Most of the things she brought up felt quite general, so would be better to just read books targeted at some of the specific points she brought up instead of this if looking for deeper knowledge.
Overall, exactly what I expected so I’m happy with this read!
April 27, 2021
4.5
This is a book for straight/bi/pan women - any woman who dates men. Enjoyed the discussions of patriarchy and the tips for turning dating into a revolutionary act. Eggerue's introspection is amazing, definitely held space for/validated my own experiences. Filled with empowering reminders that I very much needed to hear rn <3
This is a book for straight/bi/pan women - any woman who dates men. Enjoyed the discussions of patriarchy and the tips for turning dating into a revolutionary act. Eggerue's introspection is amazing, definitely held space for/validated my own experiences. Filled with empowering reminders that I very much needed to hear rn <3
March 9, 2025
I finish this book in a day and I have been changed for the better. I have evolved and will never again belive that I am less then a man . That I should be greatful for a mans attentions . That I should grovel for the dregs of love they see fit to give me. I will only accept abundance as that is what “a godess deserves” . I honestly think every women, fem non-binary person should read this :)
January 9, 2021
This book is for straight people, so know that going in to it. I don’t think this book is meant to be read critically but rather in the moment as you need it (after a break up, duh!). I didn’t like all the money chat but hey, that’s personal preference.
November 24, 2020
"There's something mighty about standing tall in your entirety and being worthy. A great woman named Meggan Roxanne once said, 'These facial features of mine don't even belong to me; they belong to my ancestors so I must honour them.' Meggan is right. The next time you feel the temptation to say something hateful about your appearance, think about the stories of those who came before you - the fights they endured and the love they created at that perfectly aligned moment of your conception. You are a living story: an important combination of genes, bones and soul."
"The most important opinion you can have is the one you have of yourself."
"We owe ourselves compassion so that we can truly treat other women with understanding."
"As much as the most popular strand of feminism encourages woman to 'go halves', I personally do not subscribe to the idea of sharing my already limited resources with my oppressor."
"Their argument is that it's oppressive to be taken care of by men, but to me this is all wrapped in an understandable fear of not knowing how to negotiate unfamiliar territory, especially if you were raised working-class ...There is a difference between benefiting off a man and depending on a man - and that difference is financial literacy, which you can - and absolutely should - learn."
"Each and every woman deserves to find their own version of this joy, and respect every other woman for doing the same."
"The most important opinion you can have is the one you have of yourself."
"We owe ourselves compassion so that we can truly treat other women with understanding."
"As much as the most popular strand of feminism encourages woman to 'go halves', I personally do not subscribe to the idea of sharing my already limited resources with my oppressor."
"Their argument is that it's oppressive to be taken care of by men, but to me this is all wrapped in an understandable fear of not knowing how to negotiate unfamiliar territory, especially if you were raised working-class ...There is a difference between benefiting off a man and depending on a man - and that difference is financial literacy, which you can - and absolutely should - learn."
"Each and every woman deserves to find their own version of this joy, and respect every other woman for doing the same."
March 23, 2021
I’m really sad to say I didn’t enjoy How To Get Over A Boy nearly as much as I thought I would. Although a lot of the feminist ideas were interesting & I agreed with the majority of them, I found it lacked depth & sometimes felt empty.. which is a shame because I think with more explanation, the points made would’ve been brilliant! With these types of books, I understand not everyone will agree/relate to everything.. it would be nearly impossible, but I found some parts bit hard to engage with due to the points being quite brief & unexplored.
I did still find it empowering to read, as the idea of treating yourself like a goddess is mentioned throughout, as is the fact that no one is ever more important than yourself. Chidera even encouraged the reader to google a “love language test”, which was one of my favourite parts as it does help you understand yourself on another level.. I just found that the layout/graphics seemed to be prioritised over the content, yet the bold-coloured pages actually gave me a headache !!
Overall I think it definitely had potential to be great, it just felt a little underwhelming in places; I wanted more!
🌟🌟🌟
I did still find it empowering to read, as the idea of treating yourself like a goddess is mentioned throughout, as is the fact that no one is ever more important than yourself. Chidera even encouraged the reader to google a “love language test”, which was one of my favourite parts as it does help you understand yourself on another level.. I just found that the layout/graphics seemed to be prioritised over the content, yet the bold-coloured pages actually gave me a headache !!
Overall I think it definitely had potential to be great, it just felt a little underwhelming in places; I wanted more!
🌟🌟🌟
February 24, 2022
Though I'm not getting over a boy, this book was still very interesting as it talked about the ways that the patriarchy and capitalism still have things in place to oppress women, like the 'need' for beauty products. Capitalism creates a problem and then creates the solution in the form of a product (oh no body hair is now considered bad, though it never was before the 1900's... don't worry we invented razors so buy a razor.)
Also, though I hate to admit it, it made me realise that I do have some internalised misogyny i.e. women are told from a young age that sexuality for them is a bad thing (despite men being quite free in this area), so negativity and judgement around sex workers or women who are very sexually active is ingrained into me, and most women. This book also helps with how to stop internalised misogyny and seeing other women as competition... because what are you competing for??? Men are not a necessity, but instead an addition.
Even writing this review I'm thinking 'oh no, I just sound like an enraged feminist.' But could that also be internalised misogyny?
Anyway, I don't think this review has really done justice for just how interesting this book is...
Also, though I hate to admit it, it made me realise that I do have some internalised misogyny i.e. women are told from a young age that sexuality for them is a bad thing (despite men being quite free in this area), so negativity and judgement around sex workers or women who are very sexually active is ingrained into me, and most women. This book also helps with how to stop internalised misogyny and seeing other women as competition... because what are you competing for??? Men are not a necessity, but instead an addition.
Even writing this review I'm thinking 'oh no, I just sound like an enraged feminist.' But could that also be internalised misogyny?
Anyway, I don't think this review has really done justice for just how interesting this book is...
April 20, 2020
This book is phenomenal, Chidera Eggerue is a wise woman. I'd strongly recommend all friends to read this book, or listen to it on Audible. I wish I'd had this book by my side 13 years ago, I would have done many things differently and made much better choices for myself, putting myself at the centre of my life. But, better late than never.
As womxn we experience so much social conditioning that teaches us to serve, care, nurture and give to others selflessly, to find our purpose through supporting others, whether it's our children or our partners. I've witnessed so many women, myself included, spending years of our lives trying to support and build our partners relentlessly, whether it's their education, their careers, their emotional intelligence.. always with little to nothing in return. It's truly time that we redirect all that care and gentle compassion and attention to ourselves. We should not have to raise men, or love them unconditionally, we are not their mothers.
A big thank you to Chidera for writing this piece and sharing your wisdom and knowledge.
As womxn we experience so much social conditioning that teaches us to serve, care, nurture and give to others selflessly, to find our purpose through supporting others, whether it's our children or our partners. I've witnessed so many women, myself included, spending years of our lives trying to support and build our partners relentlessly, whether it's their education, their careers, their emotional intelligence.. always with little to nothing in return. It's truly time that we redirect all that care and gentle compassion and attention to ourselves. We should not have to raise men, or love them unconditionally, we are not their mothers.
A big thank you to Chidera for writing this piece and sharing your wisdom and knowledge.
May 6, 2023
Ooof. From former reviews I knew what I was getting myself into and knew that the book has little to do with actual breakups and so much more with the patriarchal system we live in. Still I cannot help but to feel fairly disappointed. Eggerues ideas lack any systematic structure or coherent timeline and (at least to me) seemed to be just randomly heaped on to another. As mentioned in other reviews, her stated concepts aren’t backed by any sort of evidence, explanations or research. Although she does mention a few interesting thoughts, they are never explored in further detail or depth. Instead her focus lies in short and catchy slogans that hold no substance but make wasteful filler pages to bulk out the book, which could also have been a 2 pages blog article.
February 5, 2025
This book was a quick, fun, and insightful read. I picked it up looking for something that would help me process some of my emotions, and I got so much more than that. The themes of this book explore self-love, therapy, attachment styles, recognizing your worth as a woman, and many others that made me feel more empowered by the time I finished reading. I went back through the book to take photos of some of the quotes scattered throughout that made me do a double-take; the visual interest with colors, fonts, and textures made reading this book so much fun, and Eggerue's tone made it feel like I was talking to a girl friend who only wants the best for me. I'd definitely recommend this book to anyone who's on a self-love journey, even if you're not going through a breakup!
August 23, 2021
About a month in to a healing journey I realised I was on a healing journey. I read 'what a time to be alone' and found that it gave me what I needed to hear. How to get over a boy is a little heftier than Chidera's last book, and is a bit more in depth. What I like about the way Chidera writes is that her love and care for you is always evident. I do not doubt that she loves me, and for a young woman reader, that faith created a powerful bond with the writer and therefore with her writing. I cherished her words of feminine love. Having my right to care articulated by 'bff' figure has emboldened my pursuit of contentment and radical self love.
May 30, 2022
This felt like a really good book in a really bad package, where the silly title and debatable editorial choice to include graphics cheapens the really good writing. Still worth reading in my opinion, but it’s a shame that the content of the book is watered down by all the distracting elements going on around the text.
The title is puzzling as the book isn’t really about how to get over a breakup, but rather about the modern structures of dating, how to build meaningful healthy relationships - not only with partners but with friends and family - and deconstructing beauty and social standards to find your worth, forming relationships without devaluing yourself.
The typographic graphics are unnecessary, distracting, and plain ugly. The most used one shows a quote interloped over itself in different colours, which makes it awkward to read and feel like you should be wearing 3D glasses. The walls of text with one sentence repeated over and over don’t add anything to the message either.
The book could have been half the pages if formatted properly, and would’t have felt so awkward to bring to the park to read. But if you look past the bizarre graphic choices, I really enjoyed it.
The title is puzzling as the book isn’t really about how to get over a breakup, but rather about the modern structures of dating, how to build meaningful healthy relationships - not only with partners but with friends and family - and deconstructing beauty and social standards to find your worth, forming relationships without devaluing yourself.
The typographic graphics are unnecessary, distracting, and plain ugly. The most used one shows a quote interloped over itself in different colours, which makes it awkward to read and feel like you should be wearing 3D glasses. The walls of text with one sentence repeated over and over don’t add anything to the message either.
The book could have been half the pages if formatted properly, and would’t have felt so awkward to bring to the park to read. But if you look past the bizarre graphic choices, I really enjoyed it.
August 6, 2020
Must read! Yes the main topic is how to let go men when you're in a relatioship with them but it's not only about love and/or sex relationship with them. It's also about friendship and other (unclear) relationship with men or toxic people (whatever their gender may be), even family member. The purpose of this book is to raise our self esteem and to learn how to please and love ourself. It's a journey about reclaiming our time and needs without judging us, without listening to the people who guilt us for making ourself a priority in our live. This reading is empowering!
January 23, 2022
Incredibly impressive book that made me think a lot. My only disappointment stemmed from the high level of heteronormativity. That being said, it is clear that the author writes largely from her own experience which explains why the book tended in the direction. Would recommend to any woman who wants to learn about recognizing her value.
August 3, 2025
The title I feel is slightly misleading - though a book about emotional regulation and navigation, as well as spiritual growth, it is a deeply political piece detailing the intricate ways that patriarchy, misogyny and racism interlock in the lives of young women. A definite coming of age book that all women should read!
August 31, 2020
3.5 stars
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