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Old Jews Telling Jokes: 5,000 Years of Funny Bits and Not-So-Kosher Laughs
A grasshopper walked into a bar and ordered a drink.The bartender looked at him and said, “You know we have a drink named after you?”The grasshopper replied, “You have a drink named Stanley?” Schtick happens. For five thousand years, God’s chosen people have cornered the market on knee-slappers, zingers, and knock-knock jokes. Now Old Jews Telling Jokes mines mothers, fathers, bubbies, and zaydes for comic gelt. What we get are jokes that are funnier than a pie in the Abie and Becky jokes; hilarious rabbi, doctor, and mohel tales; and those bits just for Mom ( What’s the difference between a Jewish mother and a Rottweiler? Eventually a Rottweiler will let go!). Some are just naughty and some are downright bawdy—but either way you’ll laugh till you plotz. With Borscht Belt gags from Brooklyn to Bel Air to Boca, Old Jews Telling Jokes is like chicken soup for your funny bone. I mean, would it kill you to laugh a little?
337 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 1, 2010
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 42 reviews
April 24, 2018
Very funny. A fair number of "dirty" jokes. Definitely not safe for work or for children.
January 19, 2026
there was some really funny jokes but just not laugh out loud which is what i like in a joke book.
March 13, 2019
Listening to this made a recent road trip fly by. Alhough I'm not Jewish, I grew up on this kind of humor, and even the truly groan-worthy jokes made me laugh pretty hard. That was good because Old Jews Telling Jokes also made me miss my dad, who has been dead for nearly 30 years, and never got to be old himself. He loved a good joke, though, and a bad one too, and I'm glad he passed that love on to me.
January 15, 2016
Lots of laugh-out-loud moments. If you grew up with a Jewish dad like mine, who never met a one-liner he didn't love to tell, you might get the same combo I did, of nostalgia and laughter.
This won an Audie Award for Humor in 2011
---- you gotta listen to this on audiobook. The timing is everything.
This won an Audie Award for Humor in 2011
---- you gotta listen to this on audiobook. The timing is everything.
Read
December 18, 2018I read The World's Best Yiddish Dirty Jokes and Old Jews Telling Jokes to find jokes for a Chanukka gathering. The books are filled with Jewish jokes that are no more than a page long and mostly about half a page. Of course not all the jokes are winners and I certainly needed to filter out for misogyny but now, with my "best of" compilation, I have an arsenal of witty, occasionally wicked, a few philosophical, and mostly irreverent Jewish themed jokes. They went over great and certainly shift the energy of a group to be more lighthearted and silly. It was also intriguing to discover the a few of the same jokes in both books. I was struck with the power of jokes to be a persistent method of oral tradition and an oral tradition that is fun to practice because it can make others laugh!
February 23, 2022
Although I did get a few laughs out of this book, for the most part, it wasn't that funny. There were a number of problems. Most of the jokes were very funny the first time I heard them but they're so old now, that they are boring, and many are very dated. It also bothered me that a lot of the jokes had nothing to do with being Jewish.
February 6, 2025
This book delivered what was expected. Not Jewish myself, but friends say I could pass. The humor of the people is my vibe though. Sure, a bunch of jokes known for a century or more, but some I had not heard.
If easily offended, don't read it. There is schupping, and kvetching, and a schmeckel or two mentioned. But it is in good fun.
If easily offended, don't read it. There is schupping, and kvetching, and a schmeckel or two mentioned. But it is in good fun.
Read
September 5, 2020From a goyish perspective:
I got the jokes. I thought some were funny and some weren't. Some were tasteless, in my opinion, though I imagine they might be funny to the joke teller's peers. My uncle referred to himself as an alte kacker a few months ago -- those would be the peers.
I got the jokes. I thought some were funny and some weren't. Some were tasteless, in my opinion, though I imagine they might be funny to the joke teller's peers. My uncle referred to himself as an alte kacker a few months ago -- those would be the peers.
January 4, 2017
Old Jews Telling Jokes
Very very funny book. I have not laughed so hard in a long time. This book is worth it's weight in gold.
Very very funny book. I have not laughed so hard in a long time. This book is worth it's weight in gold.
October 24, 2017
This book was fun in audio to hear them tell the jokes. Some had me deep belly laughing and some not so much. Disclaimer: not safe for work.
March 25, 2018
Good:
* Funny.
Bad:
* It's hard to understand a few jokes because they require some knowledge about Jewish culture.
* Some jokes aren't new.
* Funny.
Bad:
* It's hard to understand a few jokes because they require some knowledge about Jewish culture.
* Some jokes aren't new.
April 25, 2018
Too much talking, not enough jokes. There were a few good ones from my youth. Wish there'd been more.
March 4, 2019
Not nearly as hilarious as it purports to be. It was cute, but only laughed out loud about once every dozen jokes or so. Its okay.
August 30, 2019
Meh. A lot of the jokes I've heard before.
November 25, 2020
This was great! Some were groaners, some I've heard, but all were fun. I even laughed out loud a few times. Seemed short, so I took off a star for that. I want more!!!!
January 14, 2021
Get the audiobook! This MUST be heard, not read.
This book has me laughing out loud. Very easy to pick up and put down. Not kid friendly
This book has me laughing out loud. Very easy to pick up and put down. Not kid friendly
April 25, 2021
A fun quick read/listen to the telling of some old, good jokes. Definitely do this as an audio book .
March 3, 2022
A guilty pleasure, and a lot of fun.
July 13, 2022
Some of these were fun, but there were way too many that were "dirty jokes" that I didn't appreciate.
March 19, 2023
Pretty bad
May 12, 2023
Funny jokes, but when you're my age, you've heard most of them. A lot Abe and Becky jokes . . .
May 2, 2024
Hilarious, but so much more than a joke book
September 19, 2024
Some laugh-out-loud ones
Interesting references to Jewish American life
Interesting references to Jewish American life
August 31, 2025
Funny as hell!! I kept my wife awake every night reading the good ones aloud to her.
Definite great purchase.
Definite great purchase.
April 24, 2025
Most of the jokes made me chuckle :)
I appreciated the bios and pictures for most of the joke-tellers.
I appreciated the bios and pictures for most of the joke-tellers.
July 12, 2014
When she was a little girl, my grandmother Esther Ruth emigrated from Russia, escaping pogroms with her family, and settling in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania. She learned English anyway she could, even picking up gum wrappers off the street to read them.
In her late eighties, she moved into a house on her son’s property, and I had the privilege of living with her for two years. We went to synagogue together (sometimes), read the Psalms together (a lot), and ate her potato pancakes together (too often).
Esther taught me a Jewish sensibility and sense of humor by the way she talked to me. One day, when we were eating potato pancakes, she looked up on the wall where she had hung portraits of the composers Mozart, Beethoven, and Wagner.
Don’t ask why Wagner’s portrait hung there since he was no fan of the Jews. But anyway, Grandma pointed to the pictures on the wall and said, “Joey, why can’t you be like one of them?” The best I could say was “I’ll do my best.” But what I should have said was, “You want me to be like Wagner?!”
Her comment was typical of Jewish grandmothers and mothers. On another day, we had just finished a potato pancake breakfast, and I was late for church (where I worked on the staff, helping with the music). For some reason, we got into a heated argument, and I stormed out of the house, slamming the door of her thin-walled motor home on the way out.
When I reached my car, I was overcome with guilt, and I went back to apologize to my grandmother. When I opened the door, I saw her standing there, slightly hunched over in her dark pink bathrobe, and holding a clock that had fallen off the wall.
The clock must have gone crackers because the second hand was spinning and whizzing around and around really fast. I swallowed my pride and spoke, “Grandma, I’m really sorry.” She looked me in the eye, held up the crazy clock and said, “Joey, you’re such a good Christian.”
On yet another day, the table was set for a big feast with the whole family. Esther sat down before everyone else and waited. After waiting and waiting and twiddling her thumbs, she finally looked at her empty plate and said, “Look what they give me!” Maybe she wanted some potato pancakes.
This “look what they give me” line is now a standard joke in our family, whenever we remember the life of our dear Esther or whenever something doesn’t live up to our expectations. Understanding such expectations and the kind of pressure (and guilt trips) that Jewish mothers put on their children and grandchildren will help readers appreciate the book “Old Jews Telling Jokes.”
But you don’t need to be Jewish or have a Jewish sense of humor to laugh at the jokes in this book. I bought the ebook and the audio book versions. And I’m sure some people laughed at me as I laughed out loud while jogging with the audio version. And as I retold some of the jokes from the ebook (and from memory), my Japanese friends and family laughed with me (or at me).
So yes, this book promises many good laughs, some of them clean, but be forewarned; it also carries many offenses. There are many ribald and risqué jokes in this book (maybe too many). And you might not want your mother to hear you laugh and look over your shoulder and say, “Son, why can’t you enjoy good, clean jokes like all the other people in the world?”
In her late eighties, she moved into a house on her son’s property, and I had the privilege of living with her for two years. We went to synagogue together (sometimes), read the Psalms together (a lot), and ate her potato pancakes together (too often).
Esther taught me a Jewish sensibility and sense of humor by the way she talked to me. One day, when we were eating potato pancakes, she looked up on the wall where she had hung portraits of the composers Mozart, Beethoven, and Wagner.
Don’t ask why Wagner’s portrait hung there since he was no fan of the Jews. But anyway, Grandma pointed to the pictures on the wall and said, “Joey, why can’t you be like one of them?” The best I could say was “I’ll do my best.” But what I should have said was, “You want me to be like Wagner?!”
Her comment was typical of Jewish grandmothers and mothers. On another day, we had just finished a potato pancake breakfast, and I was late for church (where I worked on the staff, helping with the music). For some reason, we got into a heated argument, and I stormed out of the house, slamming the door of her thin-walled motor home on the way out.
When I reached my car, I was overcome with guilt, and I went back to apologize to my grandmother. When I opened the door, I saw her standing there, slightly hunched over in her dark pink bathrobe, and holding a clock that had fallen off the wall.
The clock must have gone crackers because the second hand was spinning and whizzing around and around really fast. I swallowed my pride and spoke, “Grandma, I’m really sorry.” She looked me in the eye, held up the crazy clock and said, “Joey, you’re such a good Christian.”
On yet another day, the table was set for a big feast with the whole family. Esther sat down before everyone else and waited. After waiting and waiting and twiddling her thumbs, she finally looked at her empty plate and said, “Look what they give me!” Maybe she wanted some potato pancakes.
This “look what they give me” line is now a standard joke in our family, whenever we remember the life of our dear Esther or whenever something doesn’t live up to our expectations. Understanding such expectations and the kind of pressure (and guilt trips) that Jewish mothers put on their children and grandchildren will help readers appreciate the book “Old Jews Telling Jokes.”
But you don’t need to be Jewish or have a Jewish sense of humor to laugh at the jokes in this book. I bought the ebook and the audio book versions. And I’m sure some people laughed at me as I laughed out loud while jogging with the audio version. And as I retold some of the jokes from the ebook (and from memory), my Japanese friends and family laughed with me (or at me).
So yes, this book promises many good laughs, some of them clean, but be forewarned; it also carries many offenses. There are many ribald and risqué jokes in this book (maybe too many). And you might not want your mother to hear you laugh and look over your shoulder and say, “Son, why can’t you enjoy good, clean jokes like all the other people in the world?”
December 30, 2013
The first book of/about humor that made me laugh aloud several times. Many of the jokes require knowledge of Jewish culture, and many more are off-color. Still...a fine collection. A few examples:
p. 15: A Jewish mother gives her son two ties on the first night of Hanukkah. The following morning, when he comes down to breakfast, he is wearing one of them. The mom says: "What's the matter--you didn't like the other one?"
p. 189: A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says to the secretary, "I need to see the psychiatrist immediately." The secretary says, "What seems to be the problem?" He says, "Well, I think I'm invisible." So the secretary knocks on the door of the psychiatrist's office, walks in, and says, "Dr. Smith, there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him."
p. 211: 85-year-old Hymie is driving down the highway when his cellphone rings. It's his wife in a panic, shouting, "Hymie! Be careful! I just heard on the radio there's a crazy person driving the wrong way down the highway!" Hymie says, "What do you mean one crazy person? There are hundreds!"
p. 221: The priest just finished this rousing sermon...when he wheels around and says to one of his congregants: "And you, sir, what would you like to hear them say as they walk past your casket?" He says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a hard worker; that I was a good provider; that I took care of my family." "Thank you," says the priest, as he points to another congregant. "And you, sir, what would you like to hear them say as they walk past your casket?" He says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a good father, a good husband, a good brother, and that I contributed to the church." "Thank you," says the priest, as he points to another congregant. "And you, sir, what would you like to hear them say as they walk past your casket?" He says, "I think I'd like them to say, 'Hey! I think he's moving!' "
The best one is on p. 129, but it is too long and off-color to put here.
Well worth reading!
p. 15: A Jewish mother gives her son two ties on the first night of Hanukkah. The following morning, when he comes down to breakfast, he is wearing one of them. The mom says: "What's the matter--you didn't like the other one?"
p. 189: A guy walks into a psychiatrist's office and says to the secretary, "I need to see the psychiatrist immediately." The secretary says, "What seems to be the problem?" He says, "Well, I think I'm invisible." So the secretary knocks on the door of the psychiatrist's office, walks in, and says, "Dr. Smith, there's a man in the waiting room who claims to be invisible." The doctor says, "Tell him I can't see him."
p. 211: 85-year-old Hymie is driving down the highway when his cellphone rings. It's his wife in a panic, shouting, "Hymie! Be careful! I just heard on the radio there's a crazy person driving the wrong way down the highway!" Hymie says, "What do you mean one crazy person? There are hundreds!"
p. 221: The priest just finished this rousing sermon...when he wheels around and says to one of his congregants: "And you, sir, what would you like to hear them say as they walk past your casket?" He says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a hard worker; that I was a good provider; that I took care of my family." "Thank you," says the priest, as he points to another congregant. "And you, sir, what would you like to hear them say as they walk past your casket?" He says, "I'd like to hear them say that I was a good father, a good husband, a good brother, and that I contributed to the church." "Thank you," says the priest, as he points to another congregant. "And you, sir, what would you like to hear them say as they walk past your casket?" He says, "I think I'd like them to say, 'Hey! I think he's moving!' "
The best one is on p. 129, but it is too long and off-color to put here.
Well worth reading!
August 9, 2013
In the Big Book of Jewish Humor, there is a saying:
"They say that when you tell a joke to a peasant, he laughs three times. Once, when you tell the joke, again when you explain it, and yet again when he understands it for peasants love to laugh.
When you tell a joke to a landowner, he laughs twice - once when you tell him the joke, and again when you explain it, for he never really understands it.
When you tell a joke to an army officer, he laughs only once - when you tell it. He never lets you explain it and it goes without saying that he is unable to understand it.
But when you tell a joke to a Jew - even before you've had a chance to finish it he's already interrupting you. First, he's heard it before. Second, why are you telling it wrong? So he decides to tell you the joke - but in a much better version than yours."
I felt that way with Old Jews Telling Jokes. Most of the jokes were funny, but I had heard most all of them before, and told in better ways. Yes, there were some oldies but goodies, and even a few new gems that I hadn't heard before. But I wound up turning into the man who was seen on a train going from Kiev to Odessa. The man would start to chuckle, then hold up his hand and wave a bit and mumble something.
After a while, one of the other passengers asked him what he was doing. The man replied "to pass the time, I started to tell myself various jokes." Why then, he was asked, did he wave his hand and then stop chuckling. He answered "That was me telling myself I had heard that joke before."
Most of the pages that I read, were like that.
"They say that when you tell a joke to a peasant, he laughs three times. Once, when you tell the joke, again when you explain it, and yet again when he understands it for peasants love to laugh.
When you tell a joke to a landowner, he laughs twice - once when you tell him the joke, and again when you explain it, for he never really understands it.
When you tell a joke to an army officer, he laughs only once - when you tell it. He never lets you explain it and it goes without saying that he is unable to understand it.
But when you tell a joke to a Jew - even before you've had a chance to finish it he's already interrupting you. First, he's heard it before. Second, why are you telling it wrong? So he decides to tell you the joke - but in a much better version than yours."
I felt that way with Old Jews Telling Jokes. Most of the jokes were funny, but I had heard most all of them before, and told in better ways. Yes, there were some oldies but goodies, and even a few new gems that I hadn't heard before. But I wound up turning into the man who was seen on a train going from Kiev to Odessa. The man would start to chuckle, then hold up his hand and wave a bit and mumble something.
After a while, one of the other passengers asked him what he was doing. The man replied "to pass the time, I started to tell myself various jokes." Why then, he was asked, did he wave his hand and then stop chuckling. He answered "That was me telling myself I had heard that joke before."
Most of the pages that I read, were like that.
Read
May 9, 2016I listened to the audiobook of this which keeps the rhythm of the joke tellers. Unfortunately, these are not professionals, so while the delivery may be occasionally charming, they also sometimes hurt the joke.
The jokes range from groan inducing to more groan inducing. Amusing. Old Jews work blue, btw, so don't listen with kids around unless you want to spend some time explaining dirty jokes.
The jokes range from groan inducing to more groan inducing. Amusing. Old Jews work blue, btw, so don't listen with kids around unless you want to spend some time explaining dirty jokes.
April 26, 2015
I listened to this on CDs more than once. That should tell you something! Jokes range from corny to classic, lots of laughter guaranteed. Nicely grouped by categories of jokes that resonate with this old Jew who couldn't tell a joke to save her life!
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