Deliberate Motherhood: 12 Key Powers of Peace, Purpose, Order & Joy

by The Power of Moms

The outstanding authors of Deliberate Motherhood have let the trials and hardships of motherhood mold them into better people. Whether the change includes learning patience when the two-year-old “paints” your walls with the black permanent marker or forgiving a teenager who screams “I hate you,” or loving more when that naughty child doesn’t really deserve it, it’s a change that refines us—or as the dictionary describes it, “removes impurities, makes something more effective or become more elegant.” That is powerful! You may think that everything has been said about motherhood, but the delightful thing about Deliberate Motherhood is that every mother/author is one-of-a-kind. They each come from different backgrounds, have different parents, are married (or not) to different people, and certainly have “different” children. Each of the 12 “Powers” provided in this book is a crucial component to help you in your motherhood. And the best part is that you don’t need to do it all at once. You can focus on one “power” a month, and over the course of a year, you’ll see great changes in yourself and in your family. The mark of a great book is that it makes you think . . . and it helps you change . . . which in the case of this book, is an absolute guarantee!

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Family, Book Club, Self Help

276 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 25, 2012

Reviews

[Laney · Rating 3 out of 5]

Maybe 3.5 stars. This is a different parenting book from what I've read so far. No specific tips on discipline or how to parent a defiant child or whatever. It's more just how to appreciate parenting overall. How that next stage is never going to be better and you'll be happy then. Reminders to have fun and focus on your kids now and don't worry so much about getting your to do list done. It only felt a little bit guilt inducing, but mostly I really liked it and it made me think. Good reminders on how I want to mother. The audio reader's voice was super annoying, so I'd recommend an actual read and not listen.

[Torrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

For the first couple chapters, I got the sense that this would be a book I would definitely ENJOY, but that it wouldn't necessarily be all that memorable. Well, it might have just been that the right book found me in the right season, but this book ended up being EXACTLY what I needed to read at this stage of motherhood. There were so many times this book helped me turn around a bad day, take heart when things were especially rough, and consciously make choices that made ALL of us in the home happier. I liked that first and foremost, this book made me feel understood (because it didn't come from a place of perfection or from the idea that there is just one correct way to parent, and it shared MANY anecdotes that were highly relatable to my current situation), and then I liked that it showed me very do-able things that I could implement in my daily life to be happier in my role as a mom and to take more pleasure in it. Seriously, I want to give each of the women that wrote this book a big hug and tell them thank you for putting these thoughts together.

I ended up liking this so much I requested that my husband buy it for me for Christmas, so you know it was a winner (as I don't hardly buy books anymore)!

[Beth Given · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoy the Power of Moms blog (www.powerofmoms.com) and this book had a similar feel to the site: lots of optimistic-while-still-being-real content for moms who need a pick-me-up. There were a few chapters that I particularly enjoyed: April Perry's essay on optimism, Shawni Portier's essay on moments, Saydi Shumway's essay on love. I honestly feel like Allyson Reynolds's essay on acceptance helped me climb out of some minor baby blues I was experiencing; somehow it resonated with me so perfectly and helped me recommit to finding the joy in motherhood. I read some of it aloud to my husband, and he kept saying, "this is amazing. Why doesn't everyone know about this book? People need to know about this book." So I will tell you -- this is a great book!

Here are a few quotes:

"From the sleepless nights and physical stress of the infant and toddler years, to the sleepless nights and emotional stress of the teen years, motherhood demands a lot from us. That truth isn't going to change anytime soon, so we may as well own it. Acceptance is the point at which motherhood becomes easier -- accepting that it isn't getting any easier." -- Allyson Reynolds

"[Our children] don't see our cellulite, our deflated bank accounts, our cluttered closets, let alone our undeserved self-loathing. All they see is their mother; the woman who takes care of them, feeds them, hugs them, listens to them, loves them. When you inevitably feel unqualified for the task at hand (and we've all been there) remind yourself that motherhood is ultimately about your children, and they think you are wonderful!" -- Allyson Reynolds

"Why do we think we are weak because we struggle, when in fact it is in the struggling that we become strong? Yes, if I could go back in time, I would tell my sapling-self that it's not the type of tree you are that matters. What matters is how we build our root systems to stand up to the wind and how we use that wind to make ourselves stronger." -- Allyson Reynolds

"Motherhood is certainly not easy. Duty calls often, and it is all too easy to get caught up in the day-to-day responsibilities that demand our attention. Try looking at it a little differently though: Since our duties are demanding, we certainly aren't going to forget about them; so why don't we occasionally pause and have some fun? Nothing that is really important will get left undone just because we have stopped to enjoy a funny moment." -- Tiffany Sowby

[Lisa Brown · Rating 5 out of 5]

A collection of essays about different aspects of motherhood, and being at peace with who you are as a mother. Each chapter focuses on a different power of motherhood, and is written by a different mom. I really loved this book, and I took my time reading it, a chapter at a time. I loved how it made you feel at peace with not being a perfect mother, but helped inspire you to be the best mom you can be, in whatever stage of motherhood you are. How to find moments in all the crazy to be grateful for and enjoy life and your children. Very inspiring, and unlike many parenting books, it never made me feel guilty or like I wasn't doing enough. A wonderful book!

[JoMama · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I found myself thinking many times how the thoughts expressed have been thoughts of my heart but I didn't think anyone else felt that way. I loved the format of this book, with many different mothering voices represented with many different thoughts and ideas. I found this book refreshing because it did not eluminate mothering in a false or perfectionist light. It was very real, transparent and relatable. I am so impressed with The Power of Moms as a whole and am excited to be a trainer for POM retreats!

[Tracy · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a mother of three young kids, I found this book very relatable to my life. It has some nuggets of wisdom and lot of encouragement. It spoke to me at time when I needed it the most!

[Collette · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 - This was a book club selection for August and I finally got it done! I liked the idea of it, but after 15 or so pages in, I was groaning (internally and externally) about it. I thought it was going to be super cheesy, but thankfully I kept going. It was good. I took some great notes that I think, if I work with them and apply them, will help me to be a better person, mom and wife. It was nice to see how other people look at situations and see how the same and different we process things.

[Madison LibraryBookFamily · Rating 2 out of 5]

I enjoyed the overall message of stopping and enjoying the moments and parenting with a purpose. But I felt the book was repetitive and a little basic. I wanted actionable items, not the same story told 5 times. I also didn’t love the blatant advertising. “You can reach your goals and be happy if you play our bloom game. It will only cost you $35.” I understand that $35 will not break the bank. But it seemed a little underhand and self-promoting to keep bringing it up.

[Dorshan · Rating 3 out of 5]

Just reminders! It wasn't anything new/life changing (why I set rating at 3), but it was sincerely written and applicable to all situations pertaining to motherhood. If you are needing a "pick me up" and a reminder that you are enough - it was a humorous, quick, and easy read.

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked most of this book, some of it I loved. My children are grown. Yes, I'm still a mother, but not 'in the trenches' as it were. A lot of this was such great food for thought that I wish I had had 40 years ago. I try not to feel guilt and regret when I read this type of book, although that does happen, but I try to glean what still applies to me as a mother and grandmother. Change is hard, but I want to do and be better.

Each chapter is written by a different author. There are also numerous anecdotes from other writers, so you get a broad range of views. They are still all very similar.

I didn't mark anything, so, going from memory (which is faulty!), my favorite sections were 2 - Love, 3 - Patience, 7 - Balance, 8 - Priorities. A few of the chapters felt a little cliche, but overall every chapter had good to share.

I considered buying a copy for each of 'my' girls, but it's a little spendy.

[Kassi · Rating 3 out of 5]

It would have been fun to have found this book back in the hey day of The Power of Moms website, but as it is it's still a good reminder to cherish motherhood, to look for the good, to make a point to work on ourselves as well and to just live an overall better life as a mother and family.

[Angela · Rating 3 out of 5]

Probably a 3 1/2. There were a few essays that really resonated with me, but a lot of the book felt so slow.

[Naomi · Rating 5 out of 5]

My first opportunity to be published in a book 📚

[Robin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very good reminders for parents. Lots of relatable stories.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed reading this book. I feel better knowing that other mothers go through tough times, and I can relate to how they feel. Some days it feels like you can't even go on any longer, and knowing that there are others out there that can relate brings peace to my heart. Here are some quotes I enjoyed from the book:

"I am embracing the thought that maybe I can still be a good mom and raise good kids even when I occasionally do have a bad day" (Just because you're having a bad day doesn't mean you are a bad mother).

"Love is not a feeling. Love is an action, an activity...Genuine love implies commitment and the exercise of wisdom...Love is the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one's own or another's spiritual growth." These words ring true to me-real love takes effort, planning, wisdom, and commitment.

"Building a relationship in which your children feel loved above all else is key to raising smart, adjusted, and happy children."

"To be unexpectedly enveloped with love, even when you don't feel like you deserve it, is powerful."

"I have never met a person whose greatest need was anything other than real, unconditional love. You can find it in a simple act of kindness toward someone who needs help. There is no mistaking love. You feel it in your heart. It is the common fiber of life, the flame that heats our soul, energizes our spirit and supplies passion to our lives." ~Elizabeth Kubler-Ross

"Every way we love our children teaches them how to love others. Our love will one day pass through them and spill out into a whole new sphere."

"Love spreads, and through loving our children, we are weaving threads of love into the fabric of the world."

"Our lives are frittered away by detail...simplify, simplify." ~Henry David Thoreau

"Love happens in the present and is hidden in the moments."

"Love is the only thing that will exit out the other side. It will stand alone, vindicated. It will finally and clearly be seen for the dominant, unbeatable, infinite, glorified force it has always been, just obscured for millennia by layers of fallen clutter." ~Richard A. Swenson, M.D.

"Peace-It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble, or hard work. It means to be in the midst of these things and still be calm in your heart."

"When will I stop racing through life? There is too much here. Too much to feel...see...listen to...and love. Life is made of moments. And there will never be another now."

"The goal is not to simply go through motherhood. The goal is to grow through motherhood."

"The reality is that there's no one kind of 'perfect'."

"Motherhood is a big job, but perfection is not on t he list of motherhood job requirements. You are the best thing for your family. Just keep trying, and someday you'll see the masterpieces you helped create-and the masterpiece you have become." ~Meg Talbot

"Talking with them about how we choose what things to devote time to and why, helps them understand that what we give our time to reflects what we value most."

"We are the architects of our lives and our time."

"We give our time to who and what we love. Children yearn for the time of their parents. In a world where we are pulled in so many directions, finding the time to spend with our children is perhaps the greatest challenge facing parents today. That is why it is so important to know what matters most and what we really are about. The only way to say not to something is to have a deeper yes. We have to constantly assert that spending time with our children is a deeper yes. Otherwise, we will be accosted on a daily basis and carried away from our families by the seemingly urgent things. There are many urgent things in our lives each day, but the most important things are hardly ever urgent. That's why we need to identify them, give them priority, and place them at the center of our lives." ~Matthew Kelly

"So often we do things because we think we should, or for fear of being judged or left out if we don't, or because everyone else is doing them, or because our children want to sample every new activity they hear their friends talking about. But how good it feels to release ourselves from the 'should' and to tune in to a different rhythm. To do things just for the fun of it. To have a life that is rich but not rushed, happy but not hectic." ~Katrina Kenison

[Kathryn · Rating 3 out of 5]

After the first pages I knew I wasn't going to linger over this book. Some of it was pretty boring and seemed to go on longer than was necessary. That being said, I gleaned some good food-for-thought from most of the chapters. I read it with the hope I would find little nuggets I could use in my own parenting of six girls. I wasn't disappointed.

Most of the things I took away were one or two sentences from various parts of the book. There were two things I felt I had to quote directly from it to remember precisely. One of them was this: "Does this really matter? Do I WANT to do this? Does this really need to be done by me? Am I really the best person to do it? Does this really need to be done NOW? What will I NOT do so I can do this? Can I do this in a simpler way? Is it worth doing well or just barely worth doing?" This is perhaps the one part of the book I have thought about the most after finishing it. Prioritizing my time is a struggle for me. This quote has helped me with that.

I read this quickly and didn't feel like it was a waste of time. It even reminded me that I have the organization system used by The Power of Moms group on my hard drive. I really need to get that out. I renewed my email subscription to the blog. Overall, a win for both the authors and myself.

[Kalisha Grimsman · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was given to me by a friend at my baby shower. She told me to read it a few months after my babies were born. It took me over a year to read but I think that's okay because the book is comprised of independent chapters and stories. This is not a parenting "how to" book. I usually ended up picking it up when I needed a "parenting pick-me-up." If it had been a hard day or I was struggling to make sense of some needy issue I was working with my kids that day. I think it served its purpose well and I liked that it was something I could casually read when needed. It was so uplifting, motivating, and truly made me feel like I was much more capable as a mother than I thought I was. I liked the different "powers" it outlined that we had, and it made me feel like most of what I needed was already at my fingertips (my individuality) but also gave me a few ideas for improvement (organization, patience, etc.) I recommend this to anyone looking for an optimistic, motivating read, especially post-partum.

[Sharon Chance · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where was this book when I had little boys running around? I sure could have used the wonderful information and advice offered by this well-written, well-organized book!

I loved how this book was broken down into different segments with stories from different mothers about how they handled their unique situations. And I loved how the book encourages mothers to take the time to care for themselves as well as their families.

"Deliberate Motherhood" would be a great book to give to first-time mothers. It would also be a great book to recommend to moms who seem to be struggling with motherhood - this book would be like a lifeline with it's great advice and tales from the homefront. Written in an easy, understandable style, this is a book that will be referred back to time and time again.

[Rebecca Young · Rating 4 out of 5]

I only read about a third of the essays, but I really enjoyed them. Especially the one on Balancing Life. I loved these words...

"Wanting a more balanced life is a noble goal, but an elusive one, until we decide what balance is and what it is not. Balance is not simply th product of good time management or organizing strategies. Ultimately, balance must be earned. And re-earned again and again and again.

For me, balance is living an abundant life in thoughtful proportion. It means having relationships, responsibilities, interests, and goals, and striving to have the wisdom and discipline to put appropriate emphasis on, and boundaries around, each.

Above all, balance is a condition of the mind and heart and soul that comes from knowing what matters most in your life, then behaving in ways harmonious with that knowledge."

[Janey · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was sometimes a 3, sometimes a 4, and sometimes a 5, so I compromised in the middle and gave it a 4. It was basically a compilation of great motherhood advice all wrapped into one book. Advice I've already read in other books, blog posts, or articles and advice I've sought out from other mothers I admire, so some of it was a 3 for me because it felt repetitive with what I've already heard, but that's not the book's fault. Some of it was a 5 because I hadn't thought of it before or it was exactly what I needed to hear at the time (and I can't seem to get enough of Shawni, I love her). With social media literally surrounding us, I think these kinds of books can help ground us as mothers; if you need it.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Compiled by Power of Moms, an online gathering place for deliberate mothers, Deliberate Motherhood unlocks 12 powers of peace, purpose, order, and joy.


Motherhood is hard. And sometimes the mundane tasks not only seem unending, but also useless. Especially on those hard days.


It was refreshing to hear other mothers rehash their challenges and give some answers on how they work through it. This book is real...it felt like chatting with a friend. Even though I've been a mother for 10 years now I found some new ideas and thoughts in this book that will be helpful on my motherhood journey. I really think anyone from new mothers to those with teenagers will relate to and find this book helpful as well as encouraging.

[Tawny · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. I found it comforting and invigorating. It's good to know that so many mothers are experiencing the same roller coaster type feelings about being a mother. There are tough times and there are beautiful moments. The book also helped me see past the "dailyness" of my current life and to visualize the bigger picture. I love the 12 powers that were picked having to do with peace, purpose, order, and joy.

I highly recommend the Power of Moms website. I love listening to the podcasts while running, doing laundry, cooking, etc. Feels like talking to a friend about the issues that come up during motherhood.

[JoMama · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this book! I found myself thinking many times how the thoughts expressed have been thoughts of my heart but I didn't think anyone else felt that way. I loved the format of this book, with many different mothering voices represented with many different thoughts and ideas. I found this book refreshing because it did not eluminate mothering in a false or perfectionist light. It was very real, transparent and relatable. I am so impressed with The Power of Moms as a whole and look forward to starting my own learning circle.

[Holly · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book to all mothers. It is so motivational and inspiring. I found myself enjoying my children even more after reading from the book. Each chapter is written by a different mom and the book is compiled by The Power of Moms (powerofmoms.com). They explain that "Deliberate Motherhood" means that "you really care about your family and want the best for them...plus you use "the very experiences of motherhood to develop the person you are inside - and find the greater fulfillment and joy in the process." I definitely plan to revisit this book in the future!

[Danielle · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing...such a great book. I read it through, but plan to re read and take notes. There is a lot of insight and information packed into these chapters. I did like that it is organized by theme and goes through the different powers. Of course I am a bit biased as I got to be part of this- just a couple small essays written into the chapters. But overall it is really neat to see how so many women could voice their thoughts on motherhood in one place.

[Melanie · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a great book! I am passionate about being a deliberate mother and it was so inspiring for me to read insights from moms who feel the same as I do. I hope to make this my go-to book when I'm feeling in a mommy-rut. I love the emphasis on being a hands-on mom all the while developing yourself as a person with talents and education. I have followed the Power of Moms website for several years and I consider it a great source of strength as I raise my children.

[Heidi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book. It is in the same tone as the articles on the Power of Moms website. The topics of the 12 chapters are acceptance, love, patience, individuality, intention, progress, balance, priorities, organization, fun, optimism, and moments. I enjoyed the variety of perspectives and ideas in the book from so many authors. Each chapter has one primary author and then smaller sections by many other authors.

[Abby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so glad I read this book. I usually do not read books like these because I find them full of platitudes and unrealistic scenarios. This was not the case at all. I found each chapter so uplifting and full of good ideas for things to try in my daily life. I liked to read a chapter every few weeks so that I could ponder the messages. It reminded me to embrace who I am, share that with my children, and enjoy all the little moments. I had a wonderful time reading this book.

[Julia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is full of practical wisdom for how to enjoy our families more. How to love more, create more order, have more peace and enjoy family life. I felt inspired and want to re-read and remember the insights that each of the authors brought to their families. It inspired me to make some small but important changes in my own family.

[Jennifer · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book contained principles...but the applications sometimes left things to be desired. My one really big complaint is that none of the authors have really large families (i.e. more than 5 kids...although one had her 6th after she wrote her chapter). Is that because moms with lots of children in many age ranges just don't have time to write and share how they are successful? Hmmm.