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A Woman in Your Own Right: Assertiveness and You
Anne Dickson defines assertiveness as the art of clear, honest and direct communication. An assertive approach builds self-esteem and strengthens our ability to make our own choices in life, by helping us to manage the anxiety and stress of communicating in difficult situations. Instead of being governed by the need to either please or blame others, assertiveness teaches us to take responsibility for our own feelings and behaviour. A Woman in Your Own Right has become the core assertiveness training handbook, recommended in confidence building and personal development courses, coaching and mentoring programmes as well as counselling and therapeutic contexts throughout the UK and, with subsequent translations, in many parts of the world. Most importantly, Anne Dickson's work has helped millions of women who have been inspired and empowered by this book. Revised and reissued to celebrate its 30th year.
274 pages, Kindle Edition
First published March 1, 1983
85 people are currently reading
537 people want to read
About the author
Anne Dickson
42 books12 followers I am a psychologist by profession and have for over three decades been working as a trainer and educator. To those who already know of my work through reading one of my books or attending a workshop or lecture, a warm welcome too.
My commitment and passion have always been to equality, honesty and nonaggression: through both the facilitation of classes, workshops and ongoing courses in an extraordinarily diverse range of contexts and cultures and also through my books, I have attempted to teach and encourage others who are similarly interested in upholding these same values.
The key to what I do - and what I have always done - is authentic communication as the basis of sincere relationship whether that is with our nearest and dearest, with colleagues, with friends or with those we hardly know. Taking responsibility for what we want (or don't want) and for how we express ourselves requires sensitivity to the requirements of love for oneself and others. How do we balance these needs? How do we learn to set limits and say 'no' in unclear relationships? Are we happy with the quality of our relationships? Which people do we really want around us? How can we handle conflict and tension in ways that respect different viewpoints and needs instead of solely aiming for a win/lose outcome? How do we break out of old habits of fear and conditioning and learn to find our real inner voice?
My personal and professional commitment though goes far beyond the limits of self-development for the sake of self-development. Equality, honesty and nonaggression stand in stark contrast to prevailing cultural norms of individualism, competition, dishonesty and aggression. Setting up this website is an attempt to reach out and establish contact with others who also find it hard to maintain these values in today's world: who are keen to promote equality and compassion and an alternative to those models of power we see all around us which continue to do untold harm at every level of existence.
My commitment and passion have always been to equality, honesty and nonaggression: through both the facilitation of classes, workshops and ongoing courses in an extraordinarily diverse range of contexts and cultures and also through my books, I have attempted to teach and encourage others who are similarly interested in upholding these same values.
The key to what I do - and what I have always done - is authentic communication as the basis of sincere relationship whether that is with our nearest and dearest, with colleagues, with friends or with those we hardly know. Taking responsibility for what we want (or don't want) and for how we express ourselves requires sensitivity to the requirements of love for oneself and others. How do we balance these needs? How do we learn to set limits and say 'no' in unclear relationships? Are we happy with the quality of our relationships? Which people do we really want around us? How can we handle conflict and tension in ways that respect different viewpoints and needs instead of solely aiming for a win/lose outcome? How do we break out of old habits of fear and conditioning and learn to find our real inner voice?
My personal and professional commitment though goes far beyond the limits of self-development for the sake of self-development. Equality, honesty and nonaggression stand in stark contrast to prevailing cultural norms of individualism, competition, dishonesty and aggression. Setting up this website is an attempt to reach out and establish contact with others who also find it hard to maintain these values in today's world: who are keen to promote equality and compassion and an alternative to those models of power we see all around us which continue to do untold harm at every level of existence.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
April 7, 2012
I bought this book out of curiosity mainly.
Currently i am going through the transition from male to female, and i thought it would be a good idea to get inside the mind of a woman.
Its strange but i could relate to most aspects of this book, and have seen with my own eyes for years how women are treated as mere slaves of men and their children, often making the women feel worthless and just work horses, being the glue which selflessly holds the family together.
The advice within is great, relevant, and easy to understand, very to the point also.
But more than anything this book confirmed for me that my body does not match my physiological self, and also gave me some extra strength to continue with my journey.
I have now passed this book onto my mum, if it helps her half as much as it helped me then thats only a good thing.
Currently i am going through the transition from male to female, and i thought it would be a good idea to get inside the mind of a woman.
Its strange but i could relate to most aspects of this book, and have seen with my own eyes for years how women are treated as mere slaves of men and their children, often making the women feel worthless and just work horses, being the glue which selflessly holds the family together.
The advice within is great, relevant, and easy to understand, very to the point also.
But more than anything this book confirmed for me that my body does not match my physiological self, and also gave me some extra strength to continue with my journey.
I have now passed this book onto my mum, if it helps her half as much as it helped me then thats only a good thing.
November 10, 2022
the first half was good but then it kind of veered off into weird gender essentialism theory lol but anyways I took what was helpful and ignored the rest 🫶🏼
December 30, 2020
Helder. Goede tips en oefeningen.
April 4, 2016
I'm glad I read this. I don't think I realised when I bought it but this is a self help book centred around assertiveness training, something that was apparently very popular in the late 70s and early 80s but has fallen out of fashion, in spite of the fact that so many people struggle with assertive communication and find themselves suffering from social anxiety.
Honestly? In most situations I'm not really one of those people. I have my bad days like anyone else but mostly I do ok. So the book isn't really aimed at me. I read it knowing this and thinking it would help me to be more effective when communicating with people who might struggle with assertiveness. If nothing else, I thought it would be an interesting read to see that perspective. Then came the section on how to accept a compliment and that one was personally helpful. The section on how to ask your boss for a pay rise was fascinating. The section on loving your own body and accepting yourself was astonishingly uplifting.
The book is mostly aimed at women but as Dickson herself notes it is appropriate for anyone who wants to communicate more assertively. I'd recommend it to anyone who sometimes feels socially anxious, even if that feeling is rare.
A note: My edition is the Revised 30th Anniversary Edition and the text has been updated to reflect that, with more modern challenges considered. However, the text does seem to have a lot of errors, things like typos or repeated or missing words. If this were fiction it would be infuriating because it would jolt you out of the story but even with non-fiction I found it very annoying because once I'd spotted a couple I couldn't stop myself from scrutinising every other sentence. It's no reflection on the content of the book or on the author but I'd generally expect better.
Honestly? In most situations I'm not really one of those people. I have my bad days like anyone else but mostly I do ok. So the book isn't really aimed at me. I read it knowing this and thinking it would help me to be more effective when communicating with people who might struggle with assertiveness. If nothing else, I thought it would be an interesting read to see that perspective. Then came the section on how to accept a compliment and that one was personally helpful. The section on how to ask your boss for a pay rise was fascinating. The section on loving your own body and accepting yourself was astonishingly uplifting.
The book is mostly aimed at women but as Dickson herself notes it is appropriate for anyone who wants to communicate more assertively. I'd recommend it to anyone who sometimes feels socially anxious, even if that feeling is rare.
A note: My edition is the Revised 30th Anniversary Edition and the text has been updated to reflect that, with more modern challenges considered. However, the text does seem to have a lot of errors, things like typos or repeated or missing words. If this were fiction it would be infuriating because it would jolt you out of the story but even with non-fiction I found it very annoying because once I'd spotted a couple I couldn't stop myself from scrutinising every other sentence. It's no reflection on the content of the book or on the author but I'd generally expect better.
April 11, 2021
I used to pick this book up in bookshops and libraries in the early to mid-'80s when it had a mirror cover and feel really guilty about reading it and excluded because I was gender-incongruent and felt I was intruding on female territory to read it. Eventually I did an assertiveness course where it was recommended reading and read it, and it was good, but I then found I always made excuses not to be assertive because it seemed like a positive thing for cis women to do and it would be an abuse of male privilege to do so myself. I have now partly transitioned but still can't bring myself to be assertive. So I've read it, it's good, but you need to have certain other things sorted in your life before you can apply it.
April 25, 2022
In many ways this is a classic book of feminism - the original of this book came out in 1982, so this is its fourthieth anniversary reissue. The author has completely revised the contents to adjust for a new century and a new world view in many respects, because “Despite advances in gender equality in education, the workplace and the home, in practice many women and girls still find it a challenge to speak up and be heard”. This book is subtitled “The art of assertive, clear and honest communication”, and looks at how different methods of expressing oneself in a multitude of situations can change outcomes and our reactions to everyday situations. Ranging from asking for help at home to dealing with tricky situations in the workplace, this book looks at the possible scenarios that women encounter and can struggle with, perceiving a failure to put across their point of view. The author has continued to teach assertiveness training over the years since, but points out how training for women in this respect has been overtaken by a general move towards the individual. Certainly there are techniques in this book that would transcend gender limitations; while many of the situations here would seem to reflect women’s difficulties with family expectations for childcare, contact with older relatives, household tasks etc, it would be wrong to assume that hesitancy to communicate effectively is limited to those who identify as women. It is nonetheless a classic given an impressive update for a new century, managing to be reassuring, inspiring and much more in one volume. I was very pleased to have the opportunity to read and review this “Pioneering Handbook”
It is also possibly less specific regarding the methods of communication that have come to the fore during the last few decades, such as social media and email, whatsapp and text. It does acknowledge that such means of contact do limit the nuances that can be expressed face to face, but perhaps is limited in passing on ideas for when this is not possible. This is not a criticism in that it is clear that this book is aimed at recommending strategies for everyday interactions, and it does an excellent job of reassuring the reader that they can get over their point of view. It looks at three hypothetical women who each demonstrate the extremes of ways of dealing with situations, ranging from angry aggression to tired acceptance and submission. A fourth woman shows examples of the reasonable and successful ways that would probably succeed in the same situation, balancing compromise, assertion and a definite specific outcome. A lot of the mini scripts that Dickson uses come down to being specific; rather than asking for a wholesale change, asking for a specific thing such as a timely meeting with a certain person, or a plan to cover household tasks on a more equal basis. It suggests the benefits of role playing various scenarios with a trusted friend, to enable thought and preparation of what will succeed, to practise the actual words that will have the most effect. This book is impressive in its coverage, including some of the situations experienced by older people as well as those in the workplace.
The dedication of this book is so impressive I immediately tried to send a photo to my daughter. It acknowledges the women who fight every day for “gender equality and justice”, the basic rights to access education, and so much more that are still live issues in this and so many countries in our world. There is a list of books for Further Reading, and a comprehensive index for those who like me read it straight through but wish to refer back to specific issues such as “saying no” and “body language”. This is undoubtedly a useful and inspiring book which should be widely available and read by all those who wish to make a difference in how they communicate with others to reflect their own feelings and needs. Comprehensive and thoughtful, it provides a valuable and fascinating insight into how to cope with everyday challenges.
It is also possibly less specific regarding the methods of communication that have come to the fore during the last few decades, such as social media and email, whatsapp and text. It does acknowledge that such means of contact do limit the nuances that can be expressed face to face, but perhaps is limited in passing on ideas for when this is not possible. This is not a criticism in that it is clear that this book is aimed at recommending strategies for everyday interactions, and it does an excellent job of reassuring the reader that they can get over their point of view. It looks at three hypothetical women who each demonstrate the extremes of ways of dealing with situations, ranging from angry aggression to tired acceptance and submission. A fourth woman shows examples of the reasonable and successful ways that would probably succeed in the same situation, balancing compromise, assertion and a definite specific outcome. A lot of the mini scripts that Dickson uses come down to being specific; rather than asking for a wholesale change, asking for a specific thing such as a timely meeting with a certain person, or a plan to cover household tasks on a more equal basis. It suggests the benefits of role playing various scenarios with a trusted friend, to enable thought and preparation of what will succeed, to practise the actual words that will have the most effect. This book is impressive in its coverage, including some of the situations experienced by older people as well as those in the workplace.
The dedication of this book is so impressive I immediately tried to send a photo to my daughter. It acknowledges the women who fight every day for “gender equality and justice”, the basic rights to access education, and so much more that are still live issues in this and so many countries in our world. There is a list of books for Further Reading, and a comprehensive index for those who like me read it straight through but wish to refer back to specific issues such as “saying no” and “body language”. This is undoubtedly a useful and inspiring book which should be widely available and read by all those who wish to make a difference in how they communicate with others to reflect their own feelings and needs. Comprehensive and thoughtful, it provides a valuable and fascinating insight into how to cope with everyday challenges.
August 2, 2018
Hvis man ser bort fra titlen og enkelte små-politiske udfald, der hver især forekommer let anstrengende, så er dette en pokkers god og praktisk anvendelig bog. Ikke nødvendigvis kun for kvinder, tænker jeg - omend jeg desværre tror, at det især er mine medsøstre, der kan have glæde af at tage ansvar for egne behov og følelser ved at kommunikere dem konkret, direkte og i perfekt øjenhøjde med modtageren. Jeg er i hvert fald selv blevet klogere - og forsøger at gøre det bedre fremadrettet.
November 12, 2022
This just might be the book that revolutionises my adulthood.
I'm so glad I've found it at 21. And I can't wait to keep reading it every year until I can truly say I'm assertive.
I would recommend it for every woman: EVERY WOMAN. This book is as relevant now as it was when it was first written and rewritten.
It's also much better read slowly so you practise everything in the book as required.
A masterpiece!❤
I'm so glad I've found it at 21. And I can't wait to keep reading it every year until I can truly say I'm assertive.
I would recommend it for every woman: EVERY WOMAN. This book is as relevant now as it was when it was first written and rewritten.
It's also much better read slowly so you practise everything in the book as required.
A masterpiece!❤
August 19, 2025
An incredible book that helps women to be assertive in a compassionate way.
This book gives challenging scenes and scenarios, to help you. It also highlights the changes over the last four decades and how the world has moved on. And how women still battle with self-image.
I've listened to this book twice and it'll be one I'll refer back to.
This book gives challenging scenes and scenarios, to help you. It also highlights the changes over the last four decades and how the world has moved on. And how women still battle with self-image.
I've listened to this book twice and it'll be one I'll refer back to.
August 14, 2019
the psychoeducation group that i've been referred to has been letting us borrow books to understand things outside of sessions. this one resonated with me in a lot of ways, from inappropriate smiling to compassion traps to what-have-you. it's a lovely foundation to take growing steps from.
February 10, 2021
Really useful tips and techniques, some out-dated models used but actually given it was written in 1983, it fits very well within today’s society. A potentially (hopefully) life-changing read, looking forward to putting the skills into practice.
July 15, 2018
Re-read this small little book again and found it useful again. Written in a nice easy style.
April 22, 2019
Anne Dickson gives me lots of food for thought and I am already making changes that feel liberating :-)
February 1, 2020
Couldn’t get into it at all. Felt too preachy from the start
May 25, 2020
Recommended for assertiveness skills improvement - personally would read again to skim through the core chapters.
December 24, 2021
Read this for a friend. Good solid advice.
June 1, 2013
Excellent self-help book from a person who actually has experience working in this field. Gives useful tips on how to understand what is assertiveness (not being passive, not being aggressive, just saying what we need... politely). It was inspiring.
There was another author who was a researcher in Hawaii if I remember correctly, working on the same types of issues (more specifically on women abuse) and i can't retrieve his name... i am hoping that the 'recommendation' lists here will help me find him again. I am writing a short paper on the topic of domestic violence for an expat website. If anybody knows who I am talking about please throw me his name. Thanks!
There was another author who was a researcher in Hawaii if I remember correctly, working on the same types of issues (more specifically on women abuse) and i can't retrieve his name... i am hoping that the 'recommendation' lists here will help me find him again. I am writing a short paper on the topic of domestic violence for an expat website. If anybody knows who I am talking about please throw me his name. Thanks!
August 6, 2011
This was a re-reading rather than a first reading, but the first one was over 25 years ago and i needed a refresher. The 80s illustrations look dated now (perhaps a newer edition has new ones?) but the book is still full of excellent advice and exercises for being a more assertive woman - not about getting your way, but about stating your case. Watch out world, I'm coming!
June 17, 2014
I really hoped I would like this book more than I did, especially after meeting the author at an event held at my university. I have never been the most assertive or confident person, so I had hoped this book might prove insightful. Alas, I found it rather boring and in the end, I was glad to be done with it.
December 25, 2011
Interesting reading
July 7, 2012
really good book
March 22, 2014
Incredibly interesting book. Great tips for women.
June 24, 2014
Originally published in 1982, still incredibly useful and relevant now.
July 16, 2015
(Revised 30th anniversary edition)
July 27, 2015
This is a good way to start the journey of self-realization. A step-by-step guide to getting to be more assertive, authentic and real. This really should be compulsory reading in our high schools!
November 6, 2016
An accessible read and still as relevant as the time it was written in
January 25, 2016
I can't really get into this book so I'm not going to finish it. What I've read seems good but I've read similar books already and feel I won't benefit further from reading this one.
Want to read
June 21, 2016TRUE
April 20, 2017
This was good with a lot of helpful insight...but very dated! I kind-off enjoyed the dated-ness of it, though. And I liked what it was trying to acheive. Not mind-blowing though.
Read
March 10, 2019This is a very useful book which looks at how we can communicate our thoughts and feelings and needs more effectively. Too many men and women hold back their feelings and needs for fear of upsetting others, something we learn as we grow up from those around us. This book as its title suggests is written for women but I think a lot of what Anne Dickinson has to say would be equally as poignant for men. She uses four examples of women and their behavior and clearly explains how their personal journey has led them to react so differently to difficult situations. There are useful examples of workshop experiences and comments from those who have benefited from her courses and exercises to do at the end of each chapter, and a further reading list. I found this book very inspiring and found the chapters on feelings, human rights and techniques an easy informative read. This book has given me more self respect and self worth and certainly more self awareness and the confidence to speak out loud my thoughts.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews