Honey, Do You Need a Ride? Confessions of a Fat Runner

by Jennifer Graham

This laugh-out-loud comedic memoir of life as an overweight runner moves along at a five-minute-per-mile pace. Jennifer Graham doesn’t run to lose weight – she runs for the joy of endorphins. But life’s not always easy when the blubber hits the road. She must endure not only her self-made exhaustion and lactic acid, but the bemused stares of neighbors, offers of car rides from strangers, and the disdain of the dominant strain of runner – those long, lean “shirtless wonders.”

The challenges of being a fat runner, however, disappear faster than a pint of whisky-pecan ice cream when Graham’s marriage implodes and she finds herself a single mom with four children, two donkeys, and a really bad attitude. To cope, she registers for a half-marathon she ran 10 years ago, to see if she’s made any progress, or if she’s just been running in place. She is rejected by the big-name coaches she contacts, but finds grudging assistance in the spirit of the late Steve Prefontaine. “Yeah, I know he’s been dead 35 years; it’s a minor metaphysical challenge.”

Graham’s irreverent, hilarious, and brutally honest story will appeal to runners and non-runners alike, fat or thin. It’s fast-twitch meets slow witch, with an outcome that’s out of this world.

--- Praise for “Honey, Do You Need a Ride?” ---

“Jennifer writes like an old friend speaks, in a voice you know and love. Her descriptions of running heavy, whether with added weight or added burdens, make her experience universal to runners and non-runners alike. Her overcoming spirit makes you want to cheer for her, run with her, or eat a pint of ice cream with her! Ultimately, it’s not the size of the body but the size of the heart that counts. And this runner’s heart is huge.”
—Kristin Armstrong, mother of three, Contributing Editor for Runner’s World, and author of Mile Markers: The 26.2 Most Important Reasons Why Women Run

“Here’s to the mid-pack runners, the back-of-the-pack shufflers, the start-slowly-and-taper-off champions. Just remember: there’s a lot more of us than there are of them (those tall skinny Shirtless Wonders). And Jennifer Graham tells our story beautifully, with unflinching honesty and laugh-out-loud humor.”
—John “the Penguin” Bingham, author of The Courage to Start, No Need for Speed, and An Accidental Athlete

“Jennifer Graham might be surprised when the sinewy running tribe she longs to conform to becomes readers of her book, because you don’t have to be a ‘fat runner’ to enjoy this moving memoir. If you’ve ever fallen in love with running; if running is a constant companion; if running has been a lifeline through bad times, then you’ll identify with Graham’s story. Okay, maybe not the donkeys or the paranormal coaching, but when you’re done reading you’ll wish you could join Graham on a run, just so you can hear more.”
—Kara Douglass Thom, author of Becoming an Ironman and Hot (Sweaty) Mamas: Five Secrets to Life as a Fit Mom

“Jennifer Graham is the hilarious, pee-your-pants running partner you wish you had. She’ll make you want to move to Boston just to pound out a few miles alongside her and slam down a ginormous hot-fudge sundae with her post-run. If you love running, laughing, eating, and reading in equal measure, you’ll love this book.”
—Eileen Button, author of The Waiting Place: Learning to Appreciate Life’s Little Delays

“Jennifer Graham may think she’s different from the skinny Shirtless Wonders she sees trotting at a faster pace, but she’s not.

Genres: Nonfiction, Fitness, Health, Memoir, Biography Memoir

272 pages, Kindle Edition

First published September 5, 2012

About the author

Jennifer Nicholson Graham writes and runs in the suburbs of Boston. A single mother of four, she believes in God, sweat and Starbucks, not necessarily in that order. She also has two donkeys. She is not sure why.

Reviews

[Langley · Rating 1 out of 5]

The author managed to offend me early on by stating being agnostic is worse than being sedentary. I thought she was trying to make a joke, but she sealed the deal by adding she's proud not to be agnostic. Then the next page contained some tidbits about prayer. Even though I'm not agnostic, I found it offensive. This pretty much irreparably colored my view of her for the rest of the book. I'm not sure how you're supposed to be inspirational when you've decided to look down on others for their religious choices. And she's not even a fat runner any more.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

Part of me was on the fence about reading this book, again , based on some of the reviews. One person wrote that the author isn't "fat enough" to be fat. Ummmm. Ok. One person even wrote that she is not a runner, as one part said she ran 10 miles a week.
Well, maybe she doesn't look "fat" to you, but clearly she feels like she is. Now we are judging because she's not fat enough?? At what mileage per week do we consider her a runner?? I sometimes run 30 miles a week, but others maybe only 5? Am I not a runner on those lower mileage weeks?
I really enjoyed this book. So much of what she wrote really spoke to me, like she was writing to me, or even about me! Yes, I have even sewn a pair of pants to salvage them for one more race! As a bigger runner, I appreciated so much of this. I laughed!! I cried. And I came to appreciate myself a bit more. Yes, I am a runner!

[Beth · Rating 5 out of 5]

I laughed! I cried! (Literally, I was bawling on the subway at points, particularly the "I Believe" chapter.) I absolutely related to and loved this book!!

A teammate for the relay I'm running tomorrow and I were sharing the book with another running club friend, and we both said "Finally, a running-themed book by and about a member of our tribe!!" (our tribe in this specific case being women runners who don't look like the typical image people have of runners and generally could qualify for the Athena division in races that have such)

For me, this wonderful book ranks up with John Bingham's books - and honestly slightly above! :) Straight to the top of my "faves" list!!

[Susan · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some parts of this book were a little slow, and some I found a little far-fetched, but with that being said, I identified a lot with what Jennifer Graham was saying and feeling. I loved the humor in her writing and her outlook on life in general. I found much of the book to be very insightful and very much in-touch with everyday struggles of women.

[Kris Lodwig · Rating 3 out of 5]

Another book that has been on my Want To Read list for nearly a decade. Glad I read it to remove it from the list, but as far as a good read it was just average. The author calls herself fat hundreds of times, and I found that kind of sad. I’m inspired by her commitment to run although she is slow, and hasn’t lost weight. She knows that running has benefits that go beyond winning and being skinny.

[Mark Matthews · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is fun, smart, witty, and incredible. If you like to read about running, you will love this book. Being a dude runner, I was not in the primary demographic, but loved it nonetheless. I got to believe every runner has something about themselves that separates them from the `real runners' and they will relate.


As the title would suggest, there is plenty of self-deprecation in this book, not only on weight, but on the foibles and neuroses that make the author incredibly human and seemingly immediately available next to you. And as for being fat, you will read the stats of the author and say "wait, is that really fat?" upon which a section will appear magically at the end of the book directly addressed to you.

She may be a middle of the pack runner, but has a passion for running history and running legends. You'll gain perspective on George Sheehan, and most of all, Steve Prefontaine who actually coaches the author. Well, she imagines he has coached her, but I'm convinced it happened, even if it isn't true.

As any runner who has trained hard knows, running weaves in and out of your personal issues. Running becomes the arena in which your internal battles take place and where you look for clarity. And this is what I loved about the book. With wit and emotion and a blunt vulnerability about her divorce and other issues, the running and narrative ran side by side.

I smiled often while reading. I highlighted passages on my kindle every chapter. I looked forward to reading it, and I wanted to listen to the author's inner dialogue, all of this a testimony to a great running book.

[Liz · Rating 4 out of 5]

Attended an author book signing this morning, partly because I know the photographer who created the front cover of this book; partly because the reviews of the book intrigued me. I actually picked it up as a gift for a friend but had to sneak a peek myself first.

Despite the title of this book including "confessions of a FAT runner", this book isn't really all about running or being fat at all; it's about achieving goals, dealing with what life throws you, finding something that makes you happy. Throughout there are some really inspiring quotes that have nothing to do with being heavy or with running. "No one need cheer. The sense of accomplishment is always within." "Maybe a plateau is progress. Maybe sometimes not going backward is going forward enough."
"To make something easy, make it harder." Some things to think about and how it applies to your own life, no matter what is happening in your life.

The author definitely imposes lots of humor in this quick read as she tells her story of divorce, single parenthood and training for a half marathon. Once you pick it up, it is hard to put down until you reach the end.

[Angela(Angie) · Rating 3 out of 5]

I am an athlete, but I do not really look like one, so I had hoped that this book would be an inspirational read for me. Sadly, the author spends a lot of time just making fun of herself. Great. I can do that on my own just fine.
When I broke my collar bone in a bike accident, I went in for a checkup and told my doctor that I was feeling really depressed about having to take a break from dragonboating. Instead of offering advice on alternate exercises, or suggesting I see a counselor, my doc just rolled her eyes and said, "Get over it. Look at you--its not like you are an Olympic athlete." The author has similar tales of woe, and I wish she could have advised how to deal with jerks like that. But she didn't really say anything about that, other than it made her sad.
One area where the author shines is when she describes her love of running. The details she gives about observing nature as she runs, and getting lost in the meditative act of the sport are fantastic. I had just been looking for a little more advice or empowerment from her.

[Stephanie · Rating 3 out of 5]

I won a copy of this on a blog giveaway, and when the book arrived in the mail, my husband said "running and weight...those are two things right up your alley."

Graham is not the stereotypical runner. Instead of long and lean, she's got chub rub. But that doesn't stop her from putting in the miles and using running as a sort of therapy.

While I wouldn't consider myself a "fat runner", I certainly know I don't come by it naturally. Runners who don't look a thing like the elite will probably find something to relate to here.

One point, though. Graham writes a lot about wanting to lose weight, wanting to look better, etc. At times she seems content with her lot, but others there's a lot of self-loathing. It all made me think about the messages I send myself, and the things that others might (or might not) think when they see me run on by. That was not at all what the author intended, but it was something I couldn't ignore.

[Adrienne · Rating 4 out of 5]

My friend Kathy began reading this book and liked it so much that she had a copy a shipped to me. We are both runners and could relate to a lot of what Ms. Graham experienced. Neither of us has had people offer to give us a ride, though. That's a new one. Props to Ms. G for continuing to run after that one.

I recommend this book for anyone who has too many responsibilities and not quite enough time to get everything done. (Yeah, it's all of us.) Running can be the good thing you do for yourself for time alone, peace, and not to mention the health benefits. And reading this book can help you, as Ms. Graham says, connect to your tribe.

[Serena Bolliger · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wanted to identify with this author, but on realising, about 50 pages in, that she calls herself a runner at 10 miles a week, I got suspicious and checked photos, and she is neither a runner, nor overweight. I was so disappointed. This person has no idea what it's like to drag weight for 15 miles at a time. I felt like she was using her dysmorphic view of herself to garner empathy from a group of people she didn't belong to or understand. It made me doubt her credibility and resent her for not really being a fat runner, which I recognise is childish, but my inner child is kind of a jerk. And she's a fat kid.

[Stephanie]

Finally, I am done.

This book was really difficult for me to get through. I don't think it followed the running theme well. Though this was a problem in the later parts of the book. The book was also oddly ordered. Chapters would end with a tease into a new topic, but the next chapter was not about that. Nor did the author ever even cover some of the issues she raise, e.g. her intellectual affair with another runner. Her obsession with her ex-husband permeated the second half of the book. It was hard to read about.

[Amy L. · Rating 1 out of 5]

Within the first several pages there were way too many christian references for my taste. I didn't realize it would be such a religious book. It's just not what I like to read.

I did not finish reading this book. I believe that if you don't like a book, you shouldn't finish it just because you started it.

[Sandy · Rating 1 out of 5]

Author repeatedly whines about her divorce and that she's fat. She claims there's nothing she can do about her weight. But then she talks about eating a large order of fries at McDonald's after running a race, and then complains that scales showed that she gained 2 pounds. Duh! A few humorous spots, but mostly whining. Not recommended.

[Tonya · Rating 1 out of 5]

I wasn't impressed. Never laughed out loud and barely had any quiet to myself single chuckles. Not one I would recommend to anyone let alone an actual fat runner.

[Rene · Rating 3 out of 5]

Really wanted to like this book--and I did in parts. Others, not so much. Uneven storytelling, though seemed to finish strong. And like others I question whether 139-150 pounds really qualifies as fat.

[Heather · Rating 4 out of 5]

This gal made so many good points about running. and had the exact idea I did: get a high-end running coach to coach an average, middle-of-the-pack runner. what a great idea, right? quite an enjoyable read!

[Brandy Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

Was a good read. Finished in 2 days. The author spends a LOT of time telling us why her weight at 143 DOES qualify her as a fat runner. :) Hmmmm what does that make me at 230 lol.

[Lunabee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked it, the most because it's a honest memoir of a non-professional runner.

[Sylvie O'rourke · Rating 2 out of 5]

Self-deprecating account of an atypical athlete. A little humor goes a long way during physical distancing days. Glad I had this in my home collection.

[Lyz · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bitter, much?

Let me preface this by saying that I run. Like Jennifer Graham, I am not a fast runner. I am 50 years old and I run an 11:15 mile on a really good day and a 12:30 mile on a crap day. I get what Jennifer Graham is saying...I do...and I oh so disagree. With about everything.

She's divorced. Yes, very sad. And who isn't? Over 50% of all marriages end in divorce. Every member of my family has been divorced so we are at 100%. She was unhappy when she was married and she's unhappy divorced. There's a common denominator there....and she's it. You know, no one hands us happiness on a china plate. We have to make our own happiness. But making your own happy is hard work, and like changing your eating habits, sometimes it's just easier to be unhappy.

But is it? Is it really easier to be unhappy? I don't think so. She is spending an awful lot of time and energy being unhappy. And that brings me to weight. Jennifer Graham really hates her weight. She moans and groans about it. She clings to her feelings of inadequacy. She grasps on to every childhood slight. Yet apparently she doesn't hate it enough to change it. Yes, Jennifer Graham, I get it. I was a size 16. Now I am a size 4. I didn't become this way after a week of resisting ice cream and cookies. I didn't get this way by just running. I got this way by completely overhauling my eating habits and doing the math...calories in vs calories out. But the math can be overwhelming. It's hard. Losing weight is horrendously hard, which is why people give up. And she's one of them. Okay. Then quit complaining. Either do it or don't. But realize that you can't have both results and excuses.

Which brings me to hard...running is hard. Running sucks. I hate running. But I love the accomplishment of running. I love knowing I can do what's hard. Jennifer Graham isn't pleased with her running. She and her 10:42 min/mile are "mediocre". She's unhappy being a middle of the packer. She feels as if she accomplishes nothing b/c she's not faster or first. Gah. Is she ever happy?? Every time I finish a run I feel accomplished. Even the crap runs give me a feeling of accomplishment b/c I didn't quit. Not quitting IS an accomplishment. Oh, and she doesn't post the 13.1 magnet on her car b/c that's the equivalent of announcing that she can't run 26.2. Right. Because running 13.1 means nothing. Seriously? She resents not running faster and therefore what she does do isn't good enough, yet she's full of excuses for not being faster....4 C-sections anyone??? Heaven forbid you should be a self-assured Shirtless Wonder.

Perhaps the Shirtless Wonders don't high-five her or acknowledge her when they run past b/c they are concentrating. Or perhaps they too are steeped in their own misery. Or thinking about their jobs or problems at home or just daydreaming. Why does she expect their focus to be on her??? Self absorbed much? Perhaps if she quit running alone and joined a running club she could get to know some undead Shirtless Runners. There are SERIOUS Shirtless Wonders in my running group...yes and they too run Boston...and they are super supportive to the back of the packers like me.

Jennifer Graham is bitter. Bitter about her marriage. Bitter about her divorce. Bitter about her weight. Bitter about her pace. Bitter about the confident. I kept waiting for "funny"...but it's not. There isn't much funny about bitterness. Perhaps she should take the Wellbutrin that's consistently offered her. She needs it.

[Katie · Rating 2 out of 5]

Just-OK memoir from a fat runner, all about running, her love of running, and her constantly feeling out-of-place amongst her running brethren, whom she deems the "shirtless wonders"--i.e., your typical lithe runner.

The author seemed to think she was funnier than she is. I mean, the book was amusing, but not really laugh-out-loud funny. She talks all about her love of running, which she has done for a really long time, and all kinds of scrapes and funny situations she has gotten into. The title refers to people's tendencies to stop and offer her a ride because they think that surely a fat person would not be running down the street by choice.

She goes into a lot of thought-detours involving religion, and her silent conversations with dead famous runners who serve as her mental running coaches. These parts I found kind of tedious. But I enjoyed a lot of the musings on running in general.

[Christen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I just couldn't finish it. It was funny and relatable at first, but the stories seemed to repeat themselves and she got very annoying about 3/4 of the way in. I found myself groaning at the thought of picking it back up. If you are an "overweight runner" as I feel I am at 220lbs, I think it's important to get a sense of what overweight means to you before picking this book up. The author, while probably out of shape, and maybe not having as much physical stamina as many runners, is at a weight that is considered average. Her stories of her ex-husband felt like they droned on, and after awhile I just wanted to say "get over it". Great premise, great start, but not a book that needed 25 or so chapters. I really wanted to like this book!

[Jessica · Rating 3 out of 5]

I've got an entire review here (http://wp.me/p3OQQ4-19S) but in short, this is a quick read with a mix of humor and heartbreak in a series of essays. This made me think a lot about identity and about how we see ourselves as fat, slow, not a runner, etc versus how others may see us. As someone who has had significant weight issues and still struggles with some body image issues, I'll confess that the way she talks about herself as "fat" in a self-deprecating bordering on disparaging way made me uncomfortable, but it also made me think a lot about how I see myself and how running changes how I see myself. I definitely identified with a lot of the "not a typical runner" thoughts and experiences she describes and laughed out loud at the episode with the donkeys.

[Marta Veenhof · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a nice light-hearted and quick read about the story of a woman's battle with being a self-proclaimed fat runner and the seemingly oxymoronic implication of that phrase. She has some funny and sad stories about her life as a fat runner that allow you to see the sport from the perspective of a person that does not fit a typical postcard model body runner stereotype.

Personally there are too many religious references for me in this book and some points where agnosticism and atheism are shot down, but every author is entitled to write from their perspective and that is the beauty of reading another writers work: you get to see a taste of their mind and thinking because you chose to pick up the book they wrote.

[Melanie Springer Mock · Rating 4 out of 5]

More about Graham's life, her divorce, etc., then running per se. Hard-core runners will probably be disappointed. While some other reviewers seem stuck on Graham calling herself "fat" when she may not be by US standards, she does a good job of contending with that critique within the book itself, and in the process she expresses the often unnamed problem that in running communities, extreme skinniness is prized, so much so that women over 145 pounds have their own racing divisions called "Clydesdales" because of their size. Talk about disordered body images! At any rate, a good summer read: not too heavy, easy and accessible style.

[Susan · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book felt more focused on being a dieter who happened to run than a runner who also wanted to lose weight. I realize this is her story and her view of herself, but I expect confessions of a fat runner to discuss problems finding clothes that fit (because they aren't made large enough, not because she didn't like them) and bras, etc not to be focused on depression over her divorce. Considering myself to have been (and still kind of be) a fat runner, I had expected to be able to relate to the author. I didn't. I feel like I was mislead by the title and description of the book. So perhaps the book wouldn't be 2 stars if it had a different title?

[Jacqui Schischka · Rating 4 out of 5]

Largely enjoyable. This was an entertaining and humorous tale of a "fat" runner - unfortunately her weight and height was listed at end and she was bordering on a healthy BMI which disappointed me as I felt I knew her intimately and shared her journey and then felt like perhaps she was just largely complaining and her difficulties were not that insurmountable - running wise - love-life wise she definitely had a hard time and I felt for her here.

But, it is a light read and runners will laugh along to many parts of it :)

Also, the cover is very cute and this enticed me to read this book :)

[RebL · Rating 2 out of 5]

I wanted to like this way more than I actually did. Several of the chapters I really enjoyed, because they worked well as independent essays. But overall I just found the whole package kind of meh. She talks more about her divorce than about running, enough so that I feel it should have been mentioned in the title (Confessions of a Fat Divorced Runner). Also she gets kind of churchy at times, which I was not expecting since the book was supposed to be about running. Not sorry I read it, but will not be re-reading.

[Tiffany · Rating 3 out of 5]

Okay, I laughed, a few times I cried, but I also became frustrated. Stupid little things frustrated me as it made me wonder about whether the narrative is linear in progression or if the book actually jumps around. I blame it on the donkeys. I also struggle with the idea of fat. She was a fat runner, but isn't any longer. I do acknowledge that Jennifer refers to it as a self perceived description at the end of the memoir. I enjoyed this in the end and commend the author for her honesty.