Emotional Chaos to Clarity: Move from the Chaos of the Reactive Mind to the Clarity of the Responsive Mind

by Phillip Moffitt

“Emotional Chaos to Clarity is a masterwork. Be inspired by the possibilities it opens.” —Jack Kornfield, Ph.D., author of The Wise Heart
Despite our best-laid plans, life is difficult, and we sometimes experience anger, anxiety, frustration, and doubt. This emotional chaos can negatively affect the way we live our lives. Yet, Phillip Moffitt shows us that by cultivating a responsive mind rather than a reactive one, we can achieve a state of emotional clarity that allows us to act with a calm mind and a loving heart.

Drawing on both Western psychology and Buddhist philosophy, Moffitt’s step-by-step exercises help us to:

·        Know and act from our core values at all times

·        Gain wisdom from both pleasant and unpleasant experiences

·        Free ourselves from the past

        ·        Achieve a peaceful inner life, even if our outer life is filled with challenges

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Spirituality, Buddhism, Psychology, Philosophy, Meditation

299 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2012

About the author

At the peak of his career, former CEO and Editor-in-chief of Esquire magazine, Phillip Moffitt, traded in his worldly success to explore the inner life.

He subsequently founded the Life Balance Institute, a non-profit organization devoted to the study and practice of spiritual values in daily life.

Phillip is a co-guiding teacher at Spirit Rock Meditation Center. He teaches vipassana meditation at Spirit Rock and at retreat centers around the United States and Canada, and he teaches a weekly meditation class in Marin County, California.

Phillip is the author of Dancing with Life: Buddhist Insights for Finding Meaning and Joy in the Face of Suffering and the co-author of The Power To Heal and Medicine’s Great Journey: One Hundred Years of Healing. He has written numerous magazine articles about Buddhism and yoga for Yoga Journal, Shambhala Sun, and Body and Soul. His writings have been selected for publication in Best Buddhist Writing 2004 and 2009.

He is currently writing a book on skillful living.

Reviews

[Janet · Rating 3 out of 5]

I was really psyched to read this. I absolutely loved Moffitt's Dancing with Life: Buddhist Insights for Finding Meaning and Joy in the Face of Suffering and hoped this would pack the same punch. I guess we're each at different points in our lives now, and this book just did not seem to carry the weight of the last. This seemed much more about him and less about concepts. I found it distracting to keep reading about his clients and meditation students. I still give it 3 stars, as I treasure his suggestion of "starting over" and his discussions about intention.

[Rich Yavorsky · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found Phillip Moffitt's 'Dancing with Life' exceptional, so I sprung for this audiobook, his second title. Where 'Dancing' is the theoretical framework, 'Chaos' is the practical application of this framework in a wide variety of contexts. Moffitt walks through different manners in which the reader can be deceived by their own ego, and various means in which the reader can learn and grow with a Buddhist-based mindset. Numerous critical thinking exercises and questionnaires for the reader are throughout, all of high quality.

Unlike 'Dancing', 'Chaos' talks very little about Buddhism proper. I found 'Chaos' to be engaging, sincere and helpful in my own journey of understanding myself and others. This book is worth a second read, and is easily worth the credit. My chicken-scratch notes below (tl;dr) for future reference.

___

- Who are you? You are neither your emotions, nor your responsibilities nor your achievements. Your core values are who you are.
- Core values temper how you see and react to what you see.
- Goals are important, they are the summits to which we all climb. But core values are what ensure you enjoy every step, and are not disappointed if the summit is covered in fog.
- 'Just Start Over' attitude. Forgive the failures of yourself and others.
- The 'And' Method: 'I am upset, -and- I am going to [positive action]'
- Expectations are trapped in the past and future. Potential exists only in the now. Everyone has expectations; anyone who says they do not is most likely fooling themselves with their own hidden agendas. Find your own hidden agendas, and work to remove them.
- Staying mindful of your core values allow you to be proactively responsive, versus reactive
- Priorities: What are your top three internal? Top three external? Keep the list simple. Be honest with yourself, then prune the activities of your life accordingly. Do not allow for disconnects.
- Focus on actions and intentions, not results.
- Identify stories about yourself, and recognize they are just stories. Understand the difference between experience and interpreting your experience.
- Do not demand a different/better past.
- Focus on gratitude on what is working in your life. Understand that gratitude is not conditional on circumstance.
- Do not identify with being right or being wrong. This leads to agendas and martyrdom.
- Big changes should not be done on impulse. 'With increased awareness comes increased responsibility.' - Carl Jung
- 'You must have a self before you can go beyond yourself.'
- Time constraints, being busy and stress are forms of self-violence.
- Renounce self-righteousness. God is not whispering in your ear.
- Renounce measuring your life by success.
- Renounce being the star of your own movie.
- Moments of time are weightless. It is only delusion that gives them weight.
- Compulsions stem from unmet needs, that are independent of your core values. Meet compulsions with compassionate curiosity.
- Living with the difficult: understand that pain is a part of life, but it does not define you.

[Amy Broman · Rating 5 out of 5]

For anyone going through troubled times (and who isn't right now), this book will help you sort through your emotions and thoughts, and find a different way of dealing with them. It's been years since I've read it, but I still remember it as one of the most influential non-fiction self-help-ish books I've ever read. It's not really traditional self-help, but a Buddhist-influenced book of psychology that leaves you feeling you're not just at the mercy of your emotions or thoughts. Highly readable, although I recall reading it slowly because there were so many pearls of wisdom to linger over. If I could find my copy of it, I'd read it again; in fact, perhaps I'll order another copy!

[Heidi · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book was really helpful for me at this particular point in my life. It's funny how certain things like that coincide. My main criticism is just that I wish he spent a little more time on the concepts and less time on the stories of his clients. I did not find those anecdotes to be all that helpful or provide insight. Overall, a good introduction.

[Mary Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

Definitely worth reading again and again. Might eventually rate it a 5 after another read. The author gives "homework" at the end of each chapter. These are practical applications to use in a journey to more awareness and as he would say, clarity. I was pleased to find parallels to practices my long time spiritual director, Father Chester Michael gave me over the years.

[Beatrice Gormley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Actually I read most of this book, and I found his advice generally sensible. This is a practical guide to applying meditation and other Buddhism-derived techniques to make your life more serene and satisfying. That is, if you can ignore Moffitt's specific examples. He seems to associate exclusively with high-powered professionals undergoing midlife crises--the First-World problems of the .01%.

[Andrea Hewitt · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is practical, amazing and life-changing. I plan to read it again and again until it sinks into my bones.

[Andi · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is definitely one to go back on the "want to read" pile. Such an easy and well-worded look at the way that our minds trick us. By using the Theravada Buddhist principles in the background fo the text, it makes for an excellent way to get some basic understanding of the most ancient Buddhist tradition and help heal the mind of chaos.

[Florian · Rating 5 out of 5]

The book is founded on Buddhism but you don't need to be spiritual to benefit from it.

Contains three parts, on achieving clarity, developing behaviours and remove sources of chaos. I think I benefitted from all of them but especially liked part two with chapters to e.g. use the time after waking up to start the day with clarity and on practicing gratitude.

[Matthew Miller · Rating 2 out of 5]

I do not need a guru. I don't need or want to speak a specific type of self help, psychological language in order to find emotional clarity. The overall message was good(with some hidden gems), his focus on utility and action in terms of life, thoughts, emotions and happiness.

[Aaron Maurer · Rating 4 out of 5]

A perfect book to read in a moment when my mind was spinning and not working the way I wanted. I read all of part 1. Took lots of notes.

Part 2 and 3 were great, but I read the sections that applied to me. This is a book I will come back to from time to time based on my needs at the moment.

[Emma · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful comprehensive look on changes and transitions, the inner life and their outer manifestations. Actionable advice to know one’s values and guide towards an authentic, abundant, beautiful life.

[Matthew Allegretti · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've read close to 500 self help books and this is in the top 1 percent. One of the few books that I can honestly say is life changing especially if you do the exercises and put his ideas into practice. Truly the only book I need for this topic.

[Justin · Rating 3 out of 5]

I didn't find this too interesting

[Pam · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book is filled with practical steps for taking control of your life by focusing on what you have control over, yourself.

[LemontreeLime · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was a struggle for me to finish. It mostly struck me as 'zen for business people'.

[Joe Campbell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Comprehensive and Illuminating. Surely a book to read over and over.

[Kassidy Coburn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing book that has changed my life. I recommend to EVERYONE. I intend on buying the book to own and lend to friends and so I can read once again.

[Ellie Book Worm · Rating 4 out of 5]

We slowly connect with this mystery through living from the clarity of our deepest intention

[Deb · Rating 5 out of 5]

**We who giveth our own suffering can also taketh it away**

The bad news is that we create much of our own emotional suffering. The good news is that we create much of our own emotional suffering. (That is, we can both giveth and taketh it away!)

Phillip Moffitt’s _Emotional Clarity to Chaos_ provides a compelling look at how we really do control how much we suffer—or don’t. In a nutshell: needless suffering arises from our desire for things to be other than they are; peace of mind results when we can learn to accept things as they are. Describing this shift from emotional chaos to clarity, the author explains that:
“This craving to hold on to what you like and to get rid of what you find difficult is both the source of suffering in life and the origin of violence against oneself. By practicing living with things as they are, you will discover that while life may not be less painful, your experience of it is immeasurably better. Also, fully accepting what is true in the moment is the only firm place to begin to make changes in your life.” (pp. 198-199)

Similarly (and perhaps counter-intuitively), inner harmony is much more likely when we stop trying to wrestle with our uncomfortable states of mind:
“Feelings of inadequacy, vulnerability, longing, or not having enough are an inevitable part of the human experience. You cannot stop them from arising, but you can stop such feelings from controlling your life by changing how you perceive them. If you refuse to identify with these feelings, disown them as being neither you nor yours, thus seeing them simply as emotional states of mind that come and go, you will discover that there is the possibility for some inner harmony even under difficult circumstances.” (p. 195)

Easier said than done, of course. But, this book really does provide a doable approach to learning how to “live with the difficult.” Key steps include: detangling yourself from the belief that in order to be happy, things have to be a certain way; staying with your experience and not your (mis)-interpretation of it; basing your actions on your intentions and priorities (and not getting derailed by intense emotions and misguided thinking); and allowing yourself to feel loss and pain in order to fully embrace life. The book shows how making the shift from emotional chaos to clarity begins in the mind and ultimately extends to the heart.

_Emotional Clarity to Chaos_ serves as a strong testament to the insight that we who giveth our own suffering can also taketh it away! (Praise be to that.)

[Betsy Ng · Rating 4 out of 5]

Like the way this book was written. It is easy to read while on a travel. However, this book is useful for those who tend to have emotional chaos and conflicting self or inner conflicts. What I like most is the way the author summarises the overcome of emotional chaos in 3 words - mindfulness, intention and compassion. To some, this may be a self-help book. But it does bring up some key psychological constructs such as patience and persistence. Would like to share an excerpt of what the author wrote: ... patience is the capacity of energetic endurance - the ability to abide with things being the way they are. Patience is willingness to bear failure, disappointment, defeat, unpleasantness, and confusion without collapsing. When you fail to live up your intentions, patience allows you to forgive yourself, to not fixate on your mistake, and to just start over. Developing patience naturally leads to having a less reactive mind and to being patient with others.
In contrast, persistence is the capacity of energetic resolve - the determination to hold steady to your intentions. It manifests as knowing where you are going and being willing to act right now. Persistence is starting over. Whereas patience is tolerant and receptive what is, persistence is movement toward actualising your intention. Persistence gives purpose to patience. If you lack persistence, then what seems patience is just dillydallying. Patience without persistence never goes anywhere; you're stuck. Without persistence, you never apply the effort needed to develop the capacity for starting over. Persistence without patience creates imbalance because it drains your energy and can lead to frustration or pushiness, which can be intimidating or alienating to others and can lead to giving up or burning yourself out. A balance of patience and persistence yields sustainability, which brings about long-term change.
In short, the abovementioned excerpt relates to patience - persistence - purpose. It is a useful book for those who hope to understand self-awareness and reconcile self towards well-being.

[Amanda · Rating 5 out of 5]

Phillip Moffitt takes readers on a spiritual journey in Emotional Chaos to Clarity No stone is left unturned as he skillfully introduces nearly ever cause of emotional turmoil imaginable. The chapters progress in a logical way and invite the full participation of the reader, which isn't something all self-help books do well. Presenting Christian parables alongside Buddhist teachings, Moffitt drives home his point: responding is more skillful than reacting and leads to increased happiness in all areas of life.

Beginning with an exploration of mindfulness and identity and ending by reflecting on forgiveness and the benefits it offers would-be victims, the author covers a lot of ground, but builds upon what has come before in such a way that the whole is cohesive and effective in challenging deeply-rooted beliefs about self and community.

For Moffitt, exploring the self is indispensable, but living a life that only tries to gratify the ego is reprehensible. We are more than our emotions, histories, roles, difficulties. We should define ourselves by the values we hold and live lives of intention that put those values into practice. Goals are good and give life structure, but we shouldn't feel too distraught if we don't accomplish them.

Many of the metaphors Moffitt uses are spot on. You don't get drenched by a downpour and define yourself by the rain. Why would you endure some struggle and assume that you are little more than the adversity you're battling? Good things happen to us. Bad things happen to us too. By identifying with our values and ceasing to be defined by the strong emotions and situations that take their toll, our minds are freed of self-imposed burdens. A free mind is better able to respond. The prison that is the reactive mind state can be unlearned.

An altogether good read for anyone dealing with just about any life challenge, whether it be going through a divorce, navigating work politics, or trying to come to terms with past failure.

[Jason · Rating 4 out of 5]

What I learned:

My essence, or who I truly am, is permanent. Therefore, who I truly am is not anything which is temporary.

Therefore: I am not my actions or what I do. I am not my profession. I am not my struggles or my accomplishments. I am not my history. I am not the persona I show to the world. I am not the persona I hide from the world. I am not my emotions. I am not my passing thoughts. I am not my recurring thoughts, nor defined by them.

When I hold on to temporary things, I feel less authentic.

I want to find that which is permanent.

[Alicia Grega · Rating 4 out of 5]

Moffitt can seem a little long-winded sometimes but every word is valuable. Can you ask for more than a book to change your life for the better? I have no doubt this book has helped me overcome some of my personal struggling. Look for the author's blog posts, teased almost daily on Facebook, for a glimpse of what you're going to get here if you have any doubts.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book will be one I'll read over and over. I love how the author phrases things and the examples he gives from his therapy practice (well, he calls it Life Balance but to me it sounds like therapy) are easy to relate to.

[Susan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have meaning to read Moffitt for quite a long time. One of my goals is to live life with clarity; to see what's really happening (not what my mind is making out of it); to respond skillfully rather to react blindly...etc. I found it helpful.

[Carol Dix · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is the kind of book that you can start reading over again as soon as you finish - am marking it finished, but it will still be in my reading pile - a little wisdom/reminder just before sleep, works for me.

[Cmarie]

I was part of a study that followed this idea; Yay being at a science geared University. So I find it rather fascinating, however others might think it utterly dry.

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

Phillip Moffitt does a wonderful job applying Buddhist principles to every day life. I will read this book again and again, hi-liting many passages.

[Lisa · Rating 4 out of 5]

Light, intended for people who have not read much about Buddhism. But an excellent application of basic principles complete with reflections and exercises to apply the concepts.