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The Pagan Book of Living and Dying: Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and Meditations on Crossing Over
RITUALS AND RESOURCES FOR HONOURING DEATH IN THE CIRCLE OF LIFE
Birth,growth,death,and rebirth are a cycle that forms the underlying order of the universe. This is the core of Pagan belief – and the heart of this unique resource guide to de
386 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 29, 1997
160 people are currently reading
2320 people want to read
About the author
Starhawk
61 books1,023 followersStarhawk is an author, activist, permaculture designer and teacher, and a prominent voice in modern Goddess religion and earth-based spirituality. She is the author or coauthor of thirteen books, including the classics The Spiral Dance and The Fifth Sacred Thing. Her latest is the newly published fiction novel City of Refuge, the long-awaited sequel to The Fifth Sacred Thing.
Starhawk directs Earth Activist Training, (www.earthactivisttraining.org), teaching permaculture design grounded in spirit and with a focus on organizing and activism. “Social permaculture”—the conscious design of regenerative human systems, is a particular focus of hers.
She lives on Golden Rabbit Ranch in Western Sonoma County, CA, where she is developing a model of carbon-sequestering land use incorporating food forests and savannahs, planned grazing, and regenerative forestry.
She travels internationally, lecturing and teaching on earth-based spirituality, permaculture, and the skills of activism. Her web site is www.starhawk.org.
Starhawk directs Earth Activist Training, (www.earthactivisttraining.org), teaching permaculture design grounded in spirit and with a focus on organizing and activism. “Social permaculture”—the conscious design of regenerative human systems, is a particular focus of hers.
She lives on Golden Rabbit Ranch in Western Sonoma County, CA, where she is developing a model of carbon-sequestering land use incorporating food forests and savannahs, planned grazing, and regenerative forestry.
She travels internationally, lecturing and teaching on earth-based spirituality, permaculture, and the skills of activism. Her web site is www.starhawk.org.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews
October 9, 2016
My older sister, Heather, started practicing Wicca while she was in high school. One of the books I always remember seeing on her shelf with Pagan books was the Pagan Book of Living and Dying. It looked thick and meaty. Heather's copy was well read with dog eared pages, highlights, and notes in the margin. Heather also lived with the idea of death in a much different way than most of us do. She had a disease called FOP, Fibrodysplasia Ossificans Progressiva, which is a genetic mutation which causes muscles and ligaments to turn to bone. There was very little research or support when she was first diagnosed. It was a lot to handle growing up for her, I think.
I finally read Starhawk's The Pagan Book of Living and Dying as my sister lay in Hospice Care. I wanted to honor my sister's wishes for death, and I knew that this book had had a huge impact on her desires. What surprised me while reading this book was how useful it was. Not only did I discover why my sister wanted the things she did for her death, but thought about the things I wanted. I discovered a whole world of legal issues surrounding how our culture and country handles dead bodies, burial rights, and the care for those dying. It was eye opening.
Beyond what was useful and insightful about the book was the enchantment. I found myself delighted by the music, real sheet music for chants during rituals. There were ritual ideas to help those transition to death and majestic rites for those still grieving. All of these ideas and aids were presented by not just Starhawk but by other voices in the Reclaiming Collective who could share stories of other deaths and other griefs. It would be impossible to cover every situation that might be presented around those dying and those grieving. However, so many heartfelt stories were shared by these authors, that one felt as if the whole picture of this process was presented all while giving voice to the silence and mystery of death that we do not yet understand.
I think that this is a book that everyone should read, hopefully before they find themselves confronting death. It is also a book that I think deserves to be on every Pagan's bookshelf. For I have yet to find another book that presents as much practical, spiritual, or beauty for working with and around death from a Pagan viewpoint as this book. I hope it inspires our community to take these gifts out into the world and bring a more balance viewpoint around the culture we have with death.
I finally read Starhawk's The Pagan Book of Living and Dying as my sister lay in Hospice Care. I wanted to honor my sister's wishes for death, and I knew that this book had had a huge impact on her desires. What surprised me while reading this book was how useful it was. Not only did I discover why my sister wanted the things she did for her death, but thought about the things I wanted. I discovered a whole world of legal issues surrounding how our culture and country handles dead bodies, burial rights, and the care for those dying. It was eye opening.
Beyond what was useful and insightful about the book was the enchantment. I found myself delighted by the music, real sheet music for chants during rituals. There were ritual ideas to help those transition to death and majestic rites for those still grieving. All of these ideas and aids were presented by not just Starhawk but by other voices in the Reclaiming Collective who could share stories of other deaths and other griefs. It would be impossible to cover every situation that might be presented around those dying and those grieving. However, so many heartfelt stories were shared by these authors, that one felt as if the whole picture of this process was presented all while giving voice to the silence and mystery of death that we do not yet understand.
I think that this is a book that everyone should read, hopefully before they find themselves confronting death. It is also a book that I think deserves to be on every Pagan's bookshelf. For I have yet to find another book that presents as much practical, spiritual, or beauty for working with and around death from a Pagan viewpoint as this book. I hope it inspires our community to take these gifts out into the world and bring a more balance viewpoint around the culture we have with death.
December 14, 2019
Notes upon rereading, May 2013: What I said before holds true. The practical aspects seem even more useful this time (and make me feel very lazy about my own planning!). And while I still disagree with some of the metaphysical aspects, this time they, too, seem much more useful in terms of dealing with dying Pagans and/or their survivors in these transitional times.
Notes from first reading, January 2007: The pragmatic aspects I find incredibly useful. The theology (despite the fact that I myself practice Reclaiming-tradition Paganism, Starhawk's own tradition) and "history" drove me bonkers. Ignore those, and you'll be fine.
Notes from first reading, January 2007: The pragmatic aspects I find incredibly useful. The theology (despite the fact that I myself practice Reclaiming-tradition Paganism, Starhawk's own tradition) and "history" drove me bonkers. Ignore those, and you'll be fine.
July 3, 2009
First of all, I think this book fills a void. As Grieving: A Beginner's Guide points out, our culture is really anti-death to the point where even talking about death or dealing with the grieving is really unexplored territory. And I enjoyed this book and found it comforting, but at the same time ended up feeling like paganism is "warm" when it comes to my personal spirituality, but I'm not quite there. But I don't think any "off-the-shelf" religion is going to do it for me, and it really is an excellent book.
February 21, 2010
I'm grateful to Starhawk for including chapters on suicide and other sudden, violent deaths. That she also has a lot to say about how to care for someone who is dying is also important. So often, this part of life is ignored, and people are uncomfortable in dealing with the needs of the person passing away on a physical or spiritual level. Starhawk's view is a compassionate, unflinching one, and is a ray of hope in a world full of dull tomes on the subject.
As I am currently dealing with the deaths of two people who were instrumental in helping me get my life together when I most needed inspiration, this book has been doubly important as a comfort and a resource.
As I am currently dealing with the deaths of two people who were instrumental in helping me get my life together when I most needed inspiration, this book has been doubly important as a comfort and a resource.
October 8, 2022
This was my second time picking up this book. I bought it in 2019 when my mother in law passed unexpectedly and hoped to find information to help in that process. At the time, this book was honestly a waste of paper. It had nothing to actually help with anything. I left it unread after the first hundred or so pages and flipping through for anything of use.
It lived on my bookshelf for the next few years until yesterday when I found out someone in the family passed that previous night. It was as close of a death to me but regardless, I wanted a book to help with the death and figured this was a good time to pick up this book without the intensity of grief I’d experienced with other deaths. And much to my dismay, this still isn’t helpful.
There is very little for the grieving person. This is mostly a story of their tradition, their losses, their activism, and a handful of songs or prayers.
The book is so heavy handed that you *must* wash the body yourself, promotes home funerals, and even had an in-depth description for a home cremation. While this is interesting, it isn’t practical for everyone. Personally, I don’t want to ever wash my dead loved ones bodies or keep them on ice in the living room of my home. Some do and that’s great but there was such a distaste for those of us who don’t want the dead literally next to us that most of the book was irrelevant. I’ve gotten more helpful information for death laws (which have likely changed since this was published) from Ask A Mortician. I trust someone like Caitlin to explain the legal options and the realities of death than this book.
While this book covers certain topics that were more taboo in the past, it isn’t helpful for the majority. It heavily dates itself with the focus on AIDS related deaths (though they do still happen, it isn’t as often or as taboo). There are topics that may be helpful to some such as mourning a miscarriage or abortion. The child death section may be somewhat helpful if hearing other people’s stories gives you comfort.
For myself, each death I’ve experienced has absolutely nothing to do with this book. It seems like this book is really written for people wanting to be a death priestess. If that’s your calling, great. I’m grieving. I don’t have the energy for it. I was hoping for a variety of resources as a Pagan and as someone who is grieving. There isn’t much in this book. And if it is, it’s so crowded with personal stories and shoving their tradition and beliefs at you, it’s lost.
The handful of rituals are heavily based on their afterlife views—not helpful if your loved one didn’t believe in that or any afterlife. Let alone if you don’t believe in their version of an afterlife, there’s very little discussion on other Pagan beliefs and practical approaches to handle it. The rituals are for the dead, not the grieving.
There is a huge emphasis in this book on confronting your own death. Perhaps if it’s the first time you’ve considered the reality, this may be helpful. However, not many people want to dive into their own mortality while actively grieving the loss of a loved one.
Overall, this simply isn’t the book I hoped it would be. This is a book for their tradition, death priestessing, and confronting the concept of death. It isn’t a book full of various rituals to help you, the griever, to cope and handle the death as a Pagan. Unless your method of coping is to do several meditations on the reality that you too will die.
It lived on my bookshelf for the next few years until yesterday when I found out someone in the family passed that previous night. It was as close of a death to me but regardless, I wanted a book to help with the death and figured this was a good time to pick up this book without the intensity of grief I’d experienced with other deaths. And much to my dismay, this still isn’t helpful.
There is very little for the grieving person. This is mostly a story of their tradition, their losses, their activism, and a handful of songs or prayers.
The book is so heavy handed that you *must* wash the body yourself, promotes home funerals, and even had an in-depth description for a home cremation. While this is interesting, it isn’t practical for everyone. Personally, I don’t want to ever wash my dead loved ones bodies or keep them on ice in the living room of my home. Some do and that’s great but there was such a distaste for those of us who don’t want the dead literally next to us that most of the book was irrelevant. I’ve gotten more helpful information for death laws (which have likely changed since this was published) from Ask A Mortician. I trust someone like Caitlin to explain the legal options and the realities of death than this book.
While this book covers certain topics that were more taboo in the past, it isn’t helpful for the majority. It heavily dates itself with the focus on AIDS related deaths (though they do still happen, it isn’t as often or as taboo). There are topics that may be helpful to some such as mourning a miscarriage or abortion. The child death section may be somewhat helpful if hearing other people’s stories gives you comfort.
For myself, each death I’ve experienced has absolutely nothing to do with this book. It seems like this book is really written for people wanting to be a death priestess. If that’s your calling, great. I’m grieving. I don’t have the energy for it. I was hoping for a variety of resources as a Pagan and as someone who is grieving. There isn’t much in this book. And if it is, it’s so crowded with personal stories and shoving their tradition and beliefs at you, it’s lost.
The handful of rituals are heavily based on their afterlife views—not helpful if your loved one didn’t believe in that or any afterlife. Let alone if you don’t believe in their version of an afterlife, there’s very little discussion on other Pagan beliefs and practical approaches to handle it. The rituals are for the dead, not the grieving.
There is a huge emphasis in this book on confronting your own death. Perhaps if it’s the first time you’ve considered the reality, this may be helpful. However, not many people want to dive into their own mortality while actively grieving the loss of a loved one.
Overall, this simply isn’t the book I hoped it would be. This is a book for their tradition, death priestessing, and confronting the concept of death. It isn’t a book full of various rituals to help you, the griever, to cope and handle the death as a Pagan. Unless your method of coping is to do several meditations on the reality that you too will die.
August 3, 2014
Too often we neglect the end of life in our desire to celebrate its joys. This book is probably the best Pagan resource I have seen for dealing with death and grief with a Pagan spiritual perspective. If you are going to initiate past the first degree or teach others in the Craft, sooner or later you will be called upon to council someone in pain and grief. This is a wonderful guide on how to do that. Even if you don't choose to use the rituals provided because your tradition differs, this will give you a place to start.
August 22, 2024
a super accessible intro to paganism and earth based ritual around death. this felt like a really good place to start (not only bc it’s on the UU minister readings list) bc it discusses some of the goddess traditions’ answers to the big questions of life and thealogy.
December 9, 2022
Truly beautiful book; especially the introduction.
March 26, 2015
This was an interesting book from a Pagan perspective on the care of the dying and deceased. I especially liked the Practical Work section that tells how to prepare ourselves for our eventual death and to prepare and get things in order to help those we leave behind. The poetry was dark and beautiful, as were the Pagan ceremonies. I especially liked the idea of green burials and planting a tree in memory of one's deceased. This book is helpful because it is not anti-death, like so much of our culture. It reflects on what will inevitably happen. I also really liked the fact that it included sections on miscarriages, abortions, AIDS victims, and suicides, without passing judgment on those who have suffered.
March 27, 2016
By no means and exhaustive exploration into death and dying, this book is an appreciative step in the right direction. It was helpful to me now, particularly in light of so many suicide bombings and the senselessness of the deaths these create. This book, at times, took an authoritative stance that I could not consciously support--that is, I struggle to hear authoritative lenses from a religious perspective that was essentially self-perpetuated in the 1960s and which purports to place the emphases of its spiritual tenets on the process of revelation for individuals (and thus *not* on the authority of any one or "other" source than the self). Still, a good read (and expected from Starhawk, to be sure).
January 1, 2008
This is one of the only books I've ever been, able to find that covers these various topics. This book has come in very handy for me over the years.
April 18, 2008
Great resource of rituals, songs, and thoughts to support both living and dying in a Pagan cultural context.
August 7, 2008
What a healthy way to think about this totally normal and natural part of the life cycle, and what a wonderful way to work through it all...
Read
February 1, 2009I read many books on living and dying. At times. A reference book along with the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying.
Read
October 22, 2009The Pagan Book of Living and Dying: Practical Rituals, Prayers, Blessings, and Meditations on Crossing Over by Starhawk (1997)
January 28, 2015
Beautiful book full of ideas on how to honor the life of someone you care about. I found it both soothing and uplifting.
February 28, 2015
Extremely well-done, practical, useful, thought-provoking, serious. Excellent resource.
July 8, 2015
helped me immensely in preparing for and processing my mother's death
April 22, 2018
Essential and powerful reading. One I read decades ago, and recently re-discovered. A classic, and there's nothing else quite like it on the subject of death. dying, and bereavement within Paganism.
December 15, 2018
This was an awesome book!
With an increasing number of institutions (hospitals, prisons, etc...) giving the Pagan path the recognition it deserves, books like this one become imperative reading.
Starhawk has written MANY popular books (The Spiral Dance and Dreaming The Dark are two of my faves!) but I found this one to be the most informative. The Pagan concept of dying and, how we regard death, is vastly different than traditional, Abrahamic belief systems. I learned so much from this well written and engaging text! I particularly love the way Starhawk explains the crossing over process and how we, as Pagans, have the unique opportunity to help ease and alleviate any associated fears.
A useful addition to the magickal library of Pagan clergy and us "lay-witches" alike ;-)
With an increasing number of institutions (hospitals, prisons, etc...) giving the Pagan path the recognition it deserves, books like this one become imperative reading.
Starhawk has written MANY popular books (The Spiral Dance and Dreaming The Dark are two of my faves!) but I found this one to be the most informative. The Pagan concept of dying and, how we regard death, is vastly different than traditional, Abrahamic belief systems. I learned so much from this well written and engaging text! I particularly love the way Starhawk explains the crossing over process and how we, as Pagans, have the unique opportunity to help ease and alleviate any associated fears.
A useful addition to the magickal library of Pagan clergy and us "lay-witches" alike ;-)
April 8, 2024
3/5
This wasn't what I was expecting, but I wasn't sure what I truly was expecting from this anyway.
This was a chore for me. There is a lot in this book, it's dense and heavy. There are many essays written by different people, some I didn't fully understand, some I completely disliked, and some I enjoyed. The more I read the less relevant it all felt to me.
At the end it does cover a lot of things, but I was already skimming by then. There is something for everyone in here, but the "something" might only be one single thing buried in mountains of essays, exercises, songs, and poems that they might find unhelpful, useless, or meaningless for them and their situation.
I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. I barely liked it. It was okay.
This wasn't what I was expecting, but I wasn't sure what I truly was expecting from this anyway.
This was a chore for me. There is a lot in this book, it's dense and heavy. There are many essays written by different people, some I didn't fully understand, some I completely disliked, and some I enjoyed. The more I read the less relevant it all felt to me.
At the end it does cover a lot of things, but I was already skimming by then. There is something for everyone in here, but the "something" might only be one single thing buried in mountains of essays, exercises, songs, and poems that they might find unhelpful, useless, or meaningless for them and their situation.
I didn't hate it, but I didn't love it. I barely liked it. It was okay.
May 9, 2018
My expectations were a lot of different. While reading I realised how really different are worlds of ethnical pagans bases in Europe and pagans in America. I believe this book can help to some people when they're (or their family/friends) standing face to face to death, but unfortunately there are so many ideas I can not understand or agree with. Simply too much eclectic for me...
May 31, 2018
I'm not Pagan (yet?), and I definitely do not follow Reclamation or Wicca, but I enjoyed this book. It definitely added more insights on death and dying than my Christian upbringing has. This book explains ways to give comfort to the dying and their friends and family, and makes death less scary. I would definitely recommend this to non-Pagans, assuming they are open-minded.
February 20, 2025
4.5
Easy to read and chock full of great information and lovely stories. Definitely a book to keep on hand for planning or for when the time comes for yourself or a loved one.
I appreciated the variety of songs and rituals. A wealth to draw from. a very generous offering.
Easy to read and chock full of great information and lovely stories. Definitely a book to keep on hand for planning or for when the time comes for yourself or a loved one.
I appreciated the variety of songs and rituals. A wealth to draw from. a very generous offering.
November 22, 2019
definitely a book for re-reading.
January 19, 2020
This is a resource and reference book which I return to when required. I have found this a useful resource.
November 10, 2020
Beautiful meditations and some useful practical guides. My only criticism is that I wish it were longer, and that there were more room for history of practices or the "why" of certain rituals.
June 26, 2021
Fascinating
September 6, 2021
Beautifully written... The way we honor the souls on both sides of the veil is incredible and very heart-warming.
June 14, 2025
During my search through different spiritual paths and organised religions (and this was one of the stepping stones in that search), this neo-pagan view, interpreted through Starhawk’s eyes, ended up resonating with me.
From the same author, I also read Spiral Dance and Earth Path, and, along with The Pagan Book of Living and Dying, all 3 gave me hope in constructing a coherent view of self, world, life and death. I also understood for the first time the real meaning of magic in a neo-pagan view.
I didn’t follow its steps in any formal way, but the truth is that it left a trace in me - I would define it as a poetic and philosophical influence.
It’s very well written and highly recommended for neo-pagans, those curious about the theme, or just searching for answers to the great themes of life.
From the same author, I also read Spiral Dance and Earth Path, and, along with The Pagan Book of Living and Dying, all 3 gave me hope in constructing a coherent view of self, world, life and death. I also understood for the first time the real meaning of magic in a neo-pagan view.
I didn’t follow its steps in any formal way, but the truth is that it left a trace in me - I would define it as a poetic and philosophical influence.
It’s very well written and highly recommended for neo-pagans, those curious about the theme, or just searching for answers to the great themes of life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 35 reviews