The Last Simple

by Ray Sullivan

Bradford knows he’s the lead in a third rate parody. However, his ambition is to be the lead in a Dan Brown story, but doesn’t know if he has to dumb up or down for the gig. In ‘The Last Simple’, Bradford, a professor of Simpology from Harvard, follows clues left by the illiterati, ignoranti and even the bingoranti as he tries to track down the kidnapper of Lord Bartholomew. Aided by Lord Bartholomew’s daughter, Lady Bartholomew, and her loathsome manservant Belsen, Bradford has to evade arrest by not one, but two Buffoons of a Copper while bouncing around the renowned cultural centres of Northern England, from Lincoln Cathedral to Blackpool Tower.Aided by Surly Teabing, the rudest man in England, while dodging Teabing’s servant Snivell, Bradford finds himself in a race against time, logic, bad jokes, ridiculous puns and awful gags as he searches for the Last Simple in an improbable if unbelievable storyline.This a laugh a minute book, assuming you’re a very fast reader.Includes the Christmas Special and at least one deleted chapter (the one that can still be read – the others were, er, deleted)Warning – contains flash photography (actually it doesn’t, I just wanted to say that as it sounds cool on the news)

160 pages, Paperback

First published December 24, 2011

Reviews

[Dave Appleby · Rating 4 out of 5]

This remarkable book lampoons novels, especially of the Da Vinci Code type. The characters are all aware that they are in a work of fiction and that what happens to them will have to conform to the requirements of the genre (including only being able to perform normal bodily functions if they happen not to be in the next chapter); being written out is tantamount to murder and they all hope to be in the sequel.

There is a plot of sorts and it is suitably ridiculous. Lord Bartholomew has been kidnapped by the evil Cardinal Ringaringaroses (whose henchman is Al Bino) in order to fulfil the Cardinal's plans for world domination which will inevitably involve a sixty second countdown towards the end. Bradford, a Professor of Simpology, is recruited to save the world.

But the joy of this book lies in the almost non-stop jokes. Every possible metaphor is taken literally. Every possible bit of word-play is wrung from the text. There must be at least one joke on every page.

It's quite exhausting for the reader to keep up. It is also fantastic. It's like Tristram Shandy has been crossed with Monty Python with help from Milton Jones, the result being hilarious, surreal and extraordinary.