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Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back
You Can Win Her Back
Few challenges in life are as difficult as regaining a wife’s trust—and few are as ultimately worthwhile. Trust can be rebuilt in your marriage! With patient, loving, self-sacrificing effort, it’s possible that one day your wife will risk her heart with you again. And she may even have more respect and love for you than before.
In Worthy of Her Trust, Jason Martinkus relates how he repaired his own marriage after revelations of sexual addiction. Along with Stephen Arterburn, Jason offers exercises and tools rooted in counseling principles to help your marriage begin again. This comprehensive guide
· How to be truly and effectively transparent
· Combating the “he must not love me” myth and other untruths
· What to do about the Internet, office temptations, and travel
· Encouragement for wives who wonder if trust can ever be restored
· The “five-minute phone call” and other daily trust-building strategies
· What meaningful forgiveness and restitution look like
· The Amends Matrix—a concrete exercise to admit past wrongs and cast a vision for a faithful future
Including insights from Jason’s wife, Shelley, Worthy of Her Trust guides you through the process of rebuilding your relationship so it is stronger than ever.
Few challenges in life are as difficult as regaining a wife’s trust—and few are as ultimately worthwhile. Trust can be rebuilt in your marriage! With patient, loving, self-sacrificing effort, it’s possible that one day your wife will risk her heart with you again. And she may even have more respect and love for you than before.
In Worthy of Her Trust, Jason Martinkus relates how he repaired his own marriage after revelations of sexual addiction. Along with Stephen Arterburn, Jason offers exercises and tools rooted in counseling principles to help your marriage begin again. This comprehensive guide
· How to be truly and effectively transparent
· Combating the “he must not love me” myth and other untruths
· What to do about the Internet, office temptations, and travel
· Encouragement for wives who wonder if trust can ever be restored
· The “five-minute phone call” and other daily trust-building strategies
· What meaningful forgiveness and restitution look like
· The Amends Matrix—a concrete exercise to admit past wrongs and cast a vision for a faithful future
Including insights from Jason’s wife, Shelley, Worthy of Her Trust guides you through the process of rebuilding your relationship so it is stronger than ever.
224 pages, Paperback
Published August 19, 2014
172 people are currently reading
373 people want to read
About the author
Stephen F. Arterburn
257 books154 followersStephen Arterburn is the founder and chairman of New Life Ministries—the nation's largest faith-based broadcast, counseling, and treatment ministry—and is the host of the nationally syndicated New Life Live! daily radio program aired on over 180 radio stations nationwide, Sirius XM radio, and on television. Steve is also the founder of the Women of Faith conferences, attended by over 4 million women, and of HisMatchforMe.com.
Steve is a nationally known public speaker and has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, the New York Times, USA Today, and US News & World Report.
In August 2000, Steve was inducted into the National Speakers Association's Hall of Fame. A bestselling author, Steve has written more than one hundred books, including the popular Every Man's series and his most recent book, Healing Is a Choice. He is a Gold Medallion–winning author and has been nominated for numerous other writing awards.
Steve has degrees from Baylor University and the University of North Texas as well as two honorary doctorate degrees. Steve is a teaching pastor at Northview Church in suburban Indianapolis and resides with his family in Indiana.
Steve is a nationally known public speaker and has been featured in national media venues such as Oprah, Inside Edition, Good Morning America, CNN Live, the New York Times, USA Today, and US News & World Report.
In August 2000, Steve was inducted into the National Speakers Association's Hall of Fame. A bestselling author, Steve has written more than one hundred books, including the popular Every Man's series and his most recent book, Healing Is a Choice. He is a Gold Medallion–winning author and has been nominated for numerous other writing awards.
Steve has degrees from Baylor University and the University of North Texas as well as two honorary doctorate degrees. Steve is a teaching pastor at Northview Church in suburban Indianapolis and resides with his family in Indiana.
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Displaying 1 - 29 of 29 reviews
June 28, 2016
Reading this one to learn more about counseling those that have wrecked there marriage with sexual deviancy & unfaithfulness. Seems to be good stuff thus far I love the emphasis on squashing guilt but taking responsibility for your actions this is helpful dealing with all sin problems not just sexual. Overall a good book but lacked in some areas. First it's not enough Stephen Arteburn I bought the book thinking he was the author but he writes very little in the book truthfully. The writing style was not my cup of tea and it makes for good practical counseling and advice but lacked much on the spiritual side of things in my opinion. Worth the read but could be better.
March 14, 2017
Another great book by the author! This moved me to tears many times because of the simple truth and honesty with which Jason tells his story and the road back for him and others like him. He doesn't pull any punches tho so be warned! This is for the truly broken in spirit. I really appreciated the way he communicated exactly how a women feels through out the book. Also how he broke things down in restoring a marriage in practical ways and not just vague ones. So glad I bought this one!
November 25, 2018
Great information
I read this book as a women whose husband broke my trust with sex addiction and lies upon lies. As I was reading this book I felt validated. The things the author talks about ate exactly what I need from my husband to start the process of rebuilding trust. Thank you so much for writing this book and helping so many marriages. Now if my husband would just read it.
I read this book as a women whose husband broke my trust with sex addiction and lies upon lies. As I was reading this book I felt validated. The things the author talks about ate exactly what I need from my husband to start the process of rebuilding trust. Thank you so much for writing this book and helping so many marriages. Now if my husband would just read it.
April 13, 2016
Finally a book that can put true words to women's feeling of sexual betrayal. every word I read spoke to my heart like Jason knew my own story. I finally feel like there is a good Christian book that doesn't make excuses for men's sexual behavior but gives them opportunity to take full ownership of what happened. this is a must read
June 10, 2023
Some really good thoughts on earning and keeping a wife's trust. Below are some of my favorite thoughts:
Once you have lost your wife’s trust, you can gain it back, but it will be difficult and you must be open and accountable.
There is no specific structure for building trust back with your wife, but it can’t happen as you consistently and methodically work at it.
Myths that many people use and believe about rebuilding trust:
1. Time heals all wounds and heals trust.
Time does not remove the memory and/or fade the heart.
Time alone is not the answer.
2. Not acting out again will build the trust.
Not repeating bad behavior will help you and your spouse, but by itself will not build the trust.
Stopping the bad behavior is not enough, you have to replace it with good behavior.
Ephesians 4:28
3. Trust will be restored when your wife discontinues being a control freak.
This is just shifting the blame instead of dealing with your own issues.
Where there is a wife deeply controlling, there is usually insecurity and fear on their behalf.
If you feel like your wife is trying to control you, you need to do 2 things:
Not be controlling yourself — It’s amazing that we don’t want someone else to control us so we become controlling.
Don’t use the “I am the head of this house” card, because you relinquished that when you were not acting like the man you should be.
Focus on security, or providing your wife security.
4. He wouldn’t do this if he really loved me.
Until someone admits that they are done living a life of sin, nothing will change and their behavior will continue the same.
You can blame it on your wife, your background or society, but they are not the problem.
It is too easier to say you have fallen out of love instead of admitting your own wicked sin.
5. Having more or different sex will fix it.
Transforming your wife to an object for your sexual gratification is a slap both in her face and God’s.
If you have been unfaithful or addicted to porn, you are only damaging your relationship and mind by having your wife play out old thoughts.
If we are immoral, we are wrong no matter how much excuse we think we might have — the wife did not initiate or have enough sex. There is no excuse!
You you have to surrender every day to God, both your will and the rights you believe you have. Submitting yourself to God is the only way to get over things.
6. Prayer alone or only prayer will rebuild the trust.
Prayer is very important, but prayer without a plan will not rebuild the trust.
You cannot pray yourself out of something that you behaved yourself into; prayer without action will not get you anywhere.
7. Trust will be restored when she decides to forgive.
Forgiveness is important, but it does not rebuild trust. Your wife’s forgiveness is for her, not you.
Be forgivable — put yourself in her shoes; ask yourself if you would forgive you if you were in her shoes.
8. God will miraculously deliver you from the sexual trouble and your marriage will be saved.
Recovery is not about a body but about sanctification.
Temptation is not a sin rather what we do with the temptation. God may not remove all the temptations, because maybe He is making us better and stronger in those temptations.
Do not use spirituality as a smokescreen to make your wife trust you.
If your wife does not trust you but trust God, something is not good or right.
If you will actively pursue the heart of God, you can know that you will be right with your wife in the area of sexual purity. You cannot walk with God as well as in sinful, sexual sins.
Are you trying to change yourself for your wife or for God – one is temporary and one is permanent. If you change for God, other things will fall into place.
Where are you and your relationship with God? Is He just the Creator of the universe God or your personal Heavenly Father God? Your relationship with God will determine almost everything.
Commit to passionately deepening your relationship with God.
There’s nothing greater for a wife as when her husband is passionately in love and dedicated to God.
You must learn to be transparent and accountable in every area if you are going to gain back your wife’s trust.
If you feel like your wife is nagging you with questions, it is very likely because she realizes that she is not getting the whole truth from you.
If you have lacked sexual integrity with your wife, you must understand that sharing details with your wife is not determined by you but by her. In her mind, the lack of details might make her assume the worst.
It is recommended that you have 2-3 accountability partners and you meet weekly. If you only have one accountability partner, he might not be able to meet for some reason because of family, sickness, etc. Having multiple people will be helpful.
Your accountability partners should have lives that you want to emulate. If they as well have problems with addictions and sexual integrity, they should not be considered to be an accountability partner. Find people who are at least as spiritually mature as you, if not more mature. It is better that they are not family members of either you or your wife. Remember that it is not their responsibility to keep you accountable, it is your responsibility to be accountable to them.
If you are afraid of your wife calling and asking your accountability partners how you’re doing, you probably need to have a self examination.
Your wife should have access to absolutely everything in your life – this means email accounts, checking accounts, safes, lockers, gym bags, office space, wallets, iPads, phones, computers, etc. Allowing nothing to be private from your wife is crucial in building trust with you.
Why do you need privacy from your wife? What are you hiding? What is so important that she cannot see it?
Remember that secrets equal setbacks when you’re trying to build trust.
Do not erase any history (emails, texts, purchases, etc.). Covering your tracks is not smart, it is childish when it comes to building trust.
Have intentional time. Free time is a downfall many times because there’s nothing to do. If there has been trust issues in your life, then free time maybe considered dangerous and risky to your spouse.
Drop your social media accounts if your wife feels it is needed. It would be better to change your wife’s trust than care about other people who follow you on social media.
You must take your wife’s sense of security very seriously.
Keep your distance from other people and make sure there is no physical touch with someone of the opposite sex. Outside of a handshake, you should not be touching or feeling anyone else.
Don’t stay late at work alone with another woman, don’t carry on a long conversation alone with a woman and avoid any situation that could give you or anyone else the wrong idea.
It is best not to travel alone, but if you travel alone here are some things that can help your spouse continue trusting you:
1. Call and tell her what hotel or place you’re staying at.
2. Call her when you arrive and throughout the time you are away.
3. Tell her the activities you are doing, especially with your downtime.
4. Commit to staying away from sketchy movies or TV.
Restitution requires that you will be authentic with your spouse and give up any freedoms you might think you deserve (freedoms of making your own judgment call, talking to who you want, going where you want, being out past a certain time, etc.)
The past does not heal itself, you must mend it. And when it comes to lack of sexual integrity in your past, you must be willing to go into surgery, get cut, lie still and let it be stitched up.
You can win your wife’s trust back, but you have to lean into the challenge and be willing to work at it. Give your wife freedom to ask you anything at anytime.
Once you have lost your wife’s trust, you can gain it back, but it will be difficult and you must be open and accountable.
There is no specific structure for building trust back with your wife, but it can’t happen as you consistently and methodically work at it.
Myths that many people use and believe about rebuilding trust:
1. Time heals all wounds and heals trust.
Time does not remove the memory and/or fade the heart.
Time alone is not the answer.
2. Not acting out again will build the trust.
Not repeating bad behavior will help you and your spouse, but by itself will not build the trust.
Stopping the bad behavior is not enough, you have to replace it with good behavior.
Ephesians 4:28
3. Trust will be restored when your wife discontinues being a control freak.
This is just shifting the blame instead of dealing with your own issues.
Where there is a wife deeply controlling, there is usually insecurity and fear on their behalf.
If you feel like your wife is trying to control you, you need to do 2 things:
Not be controlling yourself — It’s amazing that we don’t want someone else to control us so we become controlling.
Don’t use the “I am the head of this house” card, because you relinquished that when you were not acting like the man you should be.
Focus on security, or providing your wife security.
4. He wouldn’t do this if he really loved me.
Until someone admits that they are done living a life of sin, nothing will change and their behavior will continue the same.
You can blame it on your wife, your background or society, but they are not the problem.
It is too easier to say you have fallen out of love instead of admitting your own wicked sin.
5. Having more or different sex will fix it.
Transforming your wife to an object for your sexual gratification is a slap both in her face and God’s.
If you have been unfaithful or addicted to porn, you are only damaging your relationship and mind by having your wife play out old thoughts.
If we are immoral, we are wrong no matter how much excuse we think we might have — the wife did not initiate or have enough sex. There is no excuse!
You you have to surrender every day to God, both your will and the rights you believe you have. Submitting yourself to God is the only way to get over things.
6. Prayer alone or only prayer will rebuild the trust.
Prayer is very important, but prayer without a plan will not rebuild the trust.
You cannot pray yourself out of something that you behaved yourself into; prayer without action will not get you anywhere.
7. Trust will be restored when she decides to forgive.
Forgiveness is important, but it does not rebuild trust. Your wife’s forgiveness is for her, not you.
Be forgivable — put yourself in her shoes; ask yourself if you would forgive you if you were in her shoes.
8. God will miraculously deliver you from the sexual trouble and your marriage will be saved.
Recovery is not about a body but about sanctification.
Temptation is not a sin rather what we do with the temptation. God may not remove all the temptations, because maybe He is making us better and stronger in those temptations.
Do not use spirituality as a smokescreen to make your wife trust you.
If your wife does not trust you but trust God, something is not good or right.
If you will actively pursue the heart of God, you can know that you will be right with your wife in the area of sexual purity. You cannot walk with God as well as in sinful, sexual sins.
Are you trying to change yourself for your wife or for God – one is temporary and one is permanent. If you change for God, other things will fall into place.
Where are you and your relationship with God? Is He just the Creator of the universe God or your personal Heavenly Father God? Your relationship with God will determine almost everything.
Commit to passionately deepening your relationship with God.
There’s nothing greater for a wife as when her husband is passionately in love and dedicated to God.
You must learn to be transparent and accountable in every area if you are going to gain back your wife’s trust.
If you feel like your wife is nagging you with questions, it is very likely because she realizes that she is not getting the whole truth from you.
If you have lacked sexual integrity with your wife, you must understand that sharing details with your wife is not determined by you but by her. In her mind, the lack of details might make her assume the worst.
It is recommended that you have 2-3 accountability partners and you meet weekly. If you only have one accountability partner, he might not be able to meet for some reason because of family, sickness, etc. Having multiple people will be helpful.
Your accountability partners should have lives that you want to emulate. If they as well have problems with addictions and sexual integrity, they should not be considered to be an accountability partner. Find people who are at least as spiritually mature as you, if not more mature. It is better that they are not family members of either you or your wife. Remember that it is not their responsibility to keep you accountable, it is your responsibility to be accountable to them.
If you are afraid of your wife calling and asking your accountability partners how you’re doing, you probably need to have a self examination.
Your wife should have access to absolutely everything in your life – this means email accounts, checking accounts, safes, lockers, gym bags, office space, wallets, iPads, phones, computers, etc. Allowing nothing to be private from your wife is crucial in building trust with you.
Why do you need privacy from your wife? What are you hiding? What is so important that she cannot see it?
Remember that secrets equal setbacks when you’re trying to build trust.
Do not erase any history (emails, texts, purchases, etc.). Covering your tracks is not smart, it is childish when it comes to building trust.
Have intentional time. Free time is a downfall many times because there’s nothing to do. If there has been trust issues in your life, then free time maybe considered dangerous and risky to your spouse.
Drop your social media accounts if your wife feels it is needed. It would be better to change your wife’s trust than care about other people who follow you on social media.
You must take your wife’s sense of security very seriously.
Keep your distance from other people and make sure there is no physical touch with someone of the opposite sex. Outside of a handshake, you should not be touching or feeling anyone else.
Don’t stay late at work alone with another woman, don’t carry on a long conversation alone with a woman and avoid any situation that could give you or anyone else the wrong idea.
It is best not to travel alone, but if you travel alone here are some things that can help your spouse continue trusting you:
1. Call and tell her what hotel or place you’re staying at.
2. Call her when you arrive and throughout the time you are away.
3. Tell her the activities you are doing, especially with your downtime.
4. Commit to staying away from sketchy movies or TV.
Restitution requires that you will be authentic with your spouse and give up any freedoms you might think you deserve (freedoms of making your own judgment call, talking to who you want, going where you want, being out past a certain time, etc.)
The past does not heal itself, you must mend it. And when it comes to lack of sexual integrity in your past, you must be willing to go into surgery, get cut, lie still and let it be stitched up.
You can win your wife’s trust back, but you have to lean into the challenge and be willing to work at it. Give your wife freedom to ask you anything at anytime.
October 17, 2017
I've been using this book in a pastoral counseling setting for about 6 or 7 sessions. It has been helpful for the couple and I will use it again.
Some of Martinkus' examples are very specific and possibly more dramatic than what an average couple will experience. However I think the extreme examples Martinkus uses are helpful for husbands to see how far into sexual sin they can fall if not held in check by the grace of Jesus Christ.
Several of Martinkus' illustrations (legos, Amends Matrix, etc.) will make there way into future counseling sessions.
Some of Martinkus' examples are very specific and possibly more dramatic than what an average couple will experience. However I think the extreme examples Martinkus uses are helpful for husbands to see how far into sexual sin they can fall if not held in check by the grace of Jesus Christ.
Several of Martinkus' illustrations (legos, Amends Matrix, etc.) will make there way into future counseling sessions.
February 14, 2017
Great book. Read it in one day. Many things in the book I have personally thought, said or experienced. This book hits the nail on th head for rebuilding trust.
June 7, 2017
Great resource for those working towards rebuilding sexual integrity in their marriages. I am excited to add this to my own professional library of resources.
November 6, 2023
THE MOST NONSENSICAL BOOK EVER
"Worthy of Her Trust: Rebuilding Intimacy After Infidelity" by Author Jason B. Martinkus offers a heartfelt guide, "Worthy of Her Trust," drawing from his own experiences with addiction and infidelity, to help couples navigate the challenging journey of rebuilding trust. The book is a testament to the arduous process of healing and redemption after breaking the trust of a partner. Through his personal story, Martinkus highlights the complexities of regaining trust, providing a roadmap for those seeking to mend relationships scarred by infidelity.
Martinkus dispels eight common myths associated with rebuilding trust, emphasizing the importance of actively engaging in healthy behaviors and fostering true intimacy. He stresses the significance of spiritual commitment, honesty, and accountability, emphasizing the need for transparency in all facets of one's life. Moreover, he acknowledges the need for restitution and the value of keeping promises, providing a comprehensive framework for individuals seeking to earn back their partner's trust. The author also introduces seven steps to aid the process of healing, encouraging readers to confront past pain and acknowledge the emotions of their partners. These steps serve as a guide to fostering deeper intimacy and communication, offering a path towards a renewed sense of trust and emotional connection.
"Worthy of Her Trust" is not only a memoir but a comprehensive guide to rebuilding trust, offering invaluable insights and practical advice for those seeking to mend their relationships after experiencing the devastation of infidelity. Through his narrative and guidance, Martinkus offers hope and encouragement, illustrating that with commitment and effort, it is possible to rebuild trust and foster a renewed sense of intimacy and connection.
-
This book could be perceived as the most nonsensical book ever due to several reasons:
1. Lack of Comprehensive Solutions: Critics might argue that the book fails to offer concrete and comprehensive solutions for rebuilding trust. Some may find the suggested steps and advice vague and impractical, lacking the depth and specificity needed to address the complex issues of infidelity.
2. Overemphasis on Personal Experience: The book heavily relies on the author's personal experience, which may limit its applicability to a broader audience. Critics might argue that the subjective nature of the narrative diminishes the book's credibility as a comprehensive guide, potentially making it irrelevant for readers facing different relationship challenges.
3. Questionable Validity of Advice: Some readers might find the advice presented in the book to be questionable and overly simplistic. Critics could argue that the strategies and recommendations provided by Martinkus lack empirical evidence and fail to draw from established psychological or therapeutic practices, potentially undermining their effectiveness in real-life situations.
4. Overgeneralization of Complex Issues: The book might be criticized for oversimplifying the complexities of trust-building and relationship repair. Critics could argue that the generalizations made in the book fail to address the unique dynamics and intricacies that accompany each individual relationship, potentially leading to unrealistic expectations and outcomes for readers.
5. Limited Perspective: Critics might find fault with the limited perspective offered in the book, as it predominantly focuses on the experiences of a single individual. The lack of diverse viewpoints and insights from other relationship experts or therapists could lead some readers to perceive the book as myopic and insufficient in addressing the multifaceted challenges of rebuilding trust after infidelity.
"Worthy of Her Trust: Rebuilding Intimacy After Infidelity" by Author Jason B. Martinkus offers a heartfelt guide, "Worthy of Her Trust," drawing from his own experiences with addiction and infidelity, to help couples navigate the challenging journey of rebuilding trust. The book is a testament to the arduous process of healing and redemption after breaking the trust of a partner. Through his personal story, Martinkus highlights the complexities of regaining trust, providing a roadmap for those seeking to mend relationships scarred by infidelity.
Martinkus dispels eight common myths associated with rebuilding trust, emphasizing the importance of actively engaging in healthy behaviors and fostering true intimacy. He stresses the significance of spiritual commitment, honesty, and accountability, emphasizing the need for transparency in all facets of one's life. Moreover, he acknowledges the need for restitution and the value of keeping promises, providing a comprehensive framework for individuals seeking to earn back their partner's trust. The author also introduces seven steps to aid the process of healing, encouraging readers to confront past pain and acknowledge the emotions of their partners. These steps serve as a guide to fostering deeper intimacy and communication, offering a path towards a renewed sense of trust and emotional connection.
"Worthy of Her Trust" is not only a memoir but a comprehensive guide to rebuilding trust, offering invaluable insights and practical advice for those seeking to mend their relationships after experiencing the devastation of infidelity. Through his narrative and guidance, Martinkus offers hope and encouragement, illustrating that with commitment and effort, it is possible to rebuild trust and foster a renewed sense of intimacy and connection.
-
This book could be perceived as the most nonsensical book ever due to several reasons:
1. Lack of Comprehensive Solutions: Critics might argue that the book fails to offer concrete and comprehensive solutions for rebuilding trust. Some may find the suggested steps and advice vague and impractical, lacking the depth and specificity needed to address the complex issues of infidelity.
2. Overemphasis on Personal Experience: The book heavily relies on the author's personal experience, which may limit its applicability to a broader audience. Critics might argue that the subjective nature of the narrative diminishes the book's credibility as a comprehensive guide, potentially making it irrelevant for readers facing different relationship challenges.
3. Questionable Validity of Advice: Some readers might find the advice presented in the book to be questionable and overly simplistic. Critics could argue that the strategies and recommendations provided by Martinkus lack empirical evidence and fail to draw from established psychological or therapeutic practices, potentially undermining their effectiveness in real-life situations.
4. Overgeneralization of Complex Issues: The book might be criticized for oversimplifying the complexities of trust-building and relationship repair. Critics could argue that the generalizations made in the book fail to address the unique dynamics and intricacies that accompany each individual relationship, potentially leading to unrealistic expectations and outcomes for readers.
5. Limited Perspective: Critics might find fault with the limited perspective offered in the book, as it predominantly focuses on the experiences of a single individual. The lack of diverse viewpoints and insights from other relationship experts or therapists could lead some readers to perceive the book as myopic and insufficient in addressing the multifaceted challenges of rebuilding trust after infidelity.
April 25, 2018
“Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back” is an excellent resource for men attempting to regain their brides’ trust after admitting to sexual integrity issues (e.g., pornography, affair, etc.). Jason Martinkus has first-hand experience with this topic, and he relates his story throughout the book. He also invited his bride to provide her insights along with advice from founder and chairman of New Life Ministries, Stephen Arterburn.
The book starts by breaking down some myths relating to betrayal and recovery, recommends some “nonnegotiables of trust building”, and provides some practical tips and tools couples can use. The recovery process is not something men can do alone, and to be honest, it isn’t something that is likely to happen without a spiritual commitment to Jesus Christ. Forgiveness for sexual betrayal is extremely difficult for a wife, but thanks be to God that Jesus Christ provides the ultimate example of forgiveness. If you are not willing to invite Christ into your life, your marriage, and your recovery, I do not recommend this book.
I particularly liked the Lego metaphor of building something new one block at a time. Sexual betrayal takes a baseball bat to the “sculpture” a husband and wife built, but there is hope of building something new and better if both are willing to put in some hard work. The recovery process is not going to happen overnight, but it can happen if couples can use the tools in this book to build up trust block-by-block.
The book starts by breaking down some myths relating to betrayal and recovery, recommends some “nonnegotiables of trust building”, and provides some practical tips and tools couples can use. The recovery process is not something men can do alone, and to be honest, it isn’t something that is likely to happen without a spiritual commitment to Jesus Christ. Forgiveness for sexual betrayal is extremely difficult for a wife, but thanks be to God that Jesus Christ provides the ultimate example of forgiveness. If you are not willing to invite Christ into your life, your marriage, and your recovery, I do not recommend this book.
I particularly liked the Lego metaphor of building something new one block at a time. Sexual betrayal takes a baseball bat to the “sculpture” a husband and wife built, but there is hope of building something new and better if both are willing to put in some hard work. The recovery process is not going to happen overnight, but it can happen if couples can use the tools in this book to build up trust block-by-block.
July 17, 2024
4 ⭐ (extremely good)
I was reading a finance book not to long ago. A good one. And I took something out of that book that I figured I should apply throughout my life. It said if you want to be good at finances, you want to pay attention. Pay attention to the stock market. To your bank account. Open it every day. Read books. Because if you pay attention to it, you are more likely going to be good at it.
So here I am applying that to my marriage. I will be applying it elses too, but this one is all about marriage.
This was a pretty heavy book. Dealing with a man who was a sex addict that constantly cheated on his wife and worked his way back into her trust. It's a powerful story with some very powerful advice.
You don't have to be a chronic cheater to read this book. There is so much good information and things thrown at you to work on in here that it's totally worth reading no matter what.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this one, but it was free and available on audible and I'm so happy I picked it up. Very helpful at the end of the day.
I was reading a finance book not to long ago. A good one. And I took something out of that book that I figured I should apply throughout my life. It said if you want to be good at finances, you want to pay attention. Pay attention to the stock market. To your bank account. Open it every day. Read books. Because if you pay attention to it, you are more likely going to be good at it.
So here I am applying that to my marriage. I will be applying it elses too, but this one is all about marriage.
This was a pretty heavy book. Dealing with a man who was a sex addict that constantly cheated on his wife and worked his way back into her trust. It's a powerful story with some very powerful advice.
You don't have to be a chronic cheater to read this book. There is so much good information and things thrown at you to work on in here that it's totally worth reading no matter what.
I wasn't sure what to expect when I started this one, but it was free and available on audible and I'm so happy I picked it up. Very helpful at the end of the day.
August 27, 2024
Absolutely not finishing this. This guy helped write every man’s battle and the opening starts of in this book completely ignoring toxic men and abuse from either party in the marriage.
Reminding myself NOT to keep going with toxic Christianity book and for when the someone I trust who recommended this brings it up again. Or maybe I wanted to see if they have improved their views but no, it’s clear from just the opening pages they have not. At this time I have no interest in reading to help point out the fails and logical fallacies. Maybe in time but I already know the lingo and thought patterns of these kind of men so if they say they read this and/or loved it….i run.
Reminding myself NOT to keep going with toxic Christianity book and for when the someone I trust who recommended this brings it up again. Or maybe I wanted to see if they have improved their views but no, it’s clear from just the opening pages they have not. At this time I have no interest in reading to help point out the fails and logical fallacies. Maybe in time but I already know the lingo and thought patterns of these kind of men so if they say they read this and/or loved it….i run.
October 15, 2020
Though I have not dealt with this specific problem in our marriage, I found this book to be greatly helpful as a wife in a difficult marriage. Great affirmation for me. Also, it's a wonderful book for husbands who need the truth spoken in love to them about making necessary changes after trust has been broken. A must-read for hurting husbands and wives after infidelity or other serious problems have happened in your marriage.
June 23, 2025
While not everything in this applies to everyone, there’s some great help in here, without some of the toxic messages of other books that suggest women just don’t understand men or need to be more. The straight to the point voice of this book is appealing to read giving it an authority to respect and women can trust their husbands are getting wise advice (even if they’ve already told their husbands the same thing… maybe they’ll listen to the book!)
May 25, 2020
This is a great book that helped me to understand some of the strategies that I can utilize to increase my trustworthiness after loosing it. I look forward to implementing many of those strategies and feel they will be very helpful as the author used these to rebuild trust in his marriage and has since counseled many other men to follow the same steps with success.
December 14, 2021
In your face truth
This book and author do not sugar coat anything, which is needed in this situation. I thank God that my wife found me this book it will help me build trust with my wife. Praise God for a simple but hard guide to follow with true experience by the author. Thanks again Jason.
This book and author do not sugar coat anything, which is needed in this situation. I thank God that my wife found me this book it will help me build trust with my wife. Praise God for a simple but hard guide to follow with true experience by the author. Thanks again Jason.
August 2, 2018
A straight shooter
I appreciate a man who shares truth in love and doesn’t beat around the bush. I also like the separate sections for the co-author and author’s wife’s thoughts on each chapter. It’s always helpful to see application of the writers thoughts.
I appreciate a man who shares truth in love and doesn’t beat around the bush. I also like the separate sections for the co-author and author’s wife’s thoughts on each chapter. It’s always helpful to see application of the writers thoughts.
December 16, 2022
Very good book for those that have broken that trust. I am one of the men that has repeatedly broken the trust my wife had in me. This book has helped me to understand why it has hurt so much this last time. It has also helped me to let go of the frustrations of rebuilding trust.
March 18, 2024
This was really good. As a woman who hasn't faced this, it was good to hear from a man's perspective of how dangerous this can be and steps to take to gain trust back. It truly requires work from both people.
May 3, 2018
Eye opening
This is a wonderful book. It is filled with information that will help and heal if the work is done. God bless this couple for their testimonies.
This is a wonderful book. It is filled with information that will help and heal if the work is done. God bless this couple for their testimonies.
November 27, 2018
Hits where I needed to be by
While I didn’t agree with every part of the book most was insightful and impactful to help me on my journey.
While I didn’t agree with every part of the book most was insightful and impactful to help me on my journey.
February 14, 2019
Lots of practical stuff.
February 19, 2019
Good book!
May 20, 2022
Being Worthy is worth the Effort
This book changed my attitude about what I did and what I needed to do to save my marriage. If you don’t care about either, ignore this book, but if you, your wife/partner and your relationship mean anything to you, read this now and be prepared to get to work rebuilding what you crushed through your bad actions.
Great book and wonderful thoughts around a mountain that appears insurmountable. Thank you!
This book changed my attitude about what I did and what I needed to do to save my marriage. If you don’t care about either, ignore this book, but if you, your wife/partner and your relationship mean anything to you, read this now and be prepared to get to work rebuilding what you crushed through your bad actions.
Great book and wonderful thoughts around a mountain that appears insurmountable. Thank you!
August 12, 2023
I’m not Christian do some of the focus on the Bible did not relate but the book does present a great way to rebuild trust
May 26, 2024
I would recommend this book to anyone who has been hurt by their spouse. It is validating and also speaks hard truths to men with very applicable tips.
June 17, 2020
Without going into too much detail, let's just say that this book and the information in it helped to save my marriage back in 2015.
It is insightful, easy to understand, simple to put into use and it provided a perspective I never would have understood without it. I recommend it to anyone struggling with trust issues in their marriage or relationship.
It is insightful, easy to understand, simple to put into use and it provided a perspective I never would have understood without it. I recommend it to anyone struggling with trust issues in their marriage or relationship.
May 28, 2020
I need to start off with the fact that "Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back" is written to men, and not women. Now women you can absolutely read it (I did!) especially if you husband isn't a reader but he really does want to rebuild your trust. While the authors are Christians, if your husband isn't a believer but he is open to rebuilding trust, this book has many useful tools that are a-religious. Fair warning though, the authors are tough. They take a nonsense approach and speak fairly plainly, man to man. But as a wife, I can honestly say that this book has helped me to better understand the battle that our husbands face with moral purity too. I just wanted to give you a heads up.
Arterburn and Martinkus do a really good job of laying out what it means to break trust and then how to go about building it back up. They make it clear that it won't be quick or easy. They also inform the reader that what works for one family won't work for another. I absolutely LOVE the section in the book that talks about active honest (meaning tell the truth in EVERYTHING, no little white lies). I think this is something that every Christian marriage should practice regardless of pornography struggles or not.
This book is broken down into four different parts: Exchanging Myths for Reality, The Nonnegotiable of Trust Building, Mending Wounds, and Trust Building Tactics. I found that each section builds on the last. This isn't the kind of book that you hop around in. Instead, I would go through it methodically.
Overall, I would give "Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back" an A+ and then some. If I had a higher rating I would use that. This book is an excellent tool that should be in every Christian family's toolbox.
Arterburn and Martinkus do a really good job of laying out what it means to break trust and then how to go about building it back up. They make it clear that it won't be quick or easy. They also inform the reader that what works for one family won't work for another. I absolutely LOVE the section in the book that talks about active honest (meaning tell the truth in EVERYTHING, no little white lies). I think this is something that every Christian marriage should practice regardless of pornography struggles or not.
This book is broken down into four different parts: Exchanging Myths for Reality, The Nonnegotiable of Trust Building, Mending Wounds, and Trust Building Tactics. I found that each section builds on the last. This isn't the kind of book that you hop around in. Instead, I would go through it methodically.
Overall, I would give "Worthy of Her Trust: What You Need to Do to Rebuild Sexual Integrity and Win Her Back" an A+ and then some. If I had a higher rating I would use that. This book is an excellent tool that should be in every Christian family's toolbox.
October 6, 2014
The book gives keen insights and transparent, thought-provoking examples of the difficult choices that must be made for recovery to work and a marriage to be saved. Some will find the level of accountability recommended to be too stringent. Stephen Arterburn's name is listed first as the author, even though his contribution is limited to a few pages.
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