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Superman (2011)

Superman, Volume 2: Secrets and Lies

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Tucked away high in the Himalayas, a long dormant evil has made these snowy mountain tops its home.  Helspont, a decendant of the ancient alien race of Daemonites, has enlisted an army of robots to obtain all there is to know about the Kryptonian meanace standing between him and dominion over the people of Earth.  Can Helspont gain control over Superman and use him to execute his invasion plan?  Or will the Earth's alien protector cast Helspont back to the planet of Daemon?


Collects Superman #7-12, Superman Annual #1.

167 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 2, 2013

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About the author

Dan Jurgens

2,245 books285 followers
Dan Jurgens is an American comic book writer and artist. He is known for his work on the DC comic book storyline "The Death of Superman" and for creating characters such as Doomsday, Hank Henshaw, and Booster Gold. Jurgens had a lengthy run on the Superman comic books including The Adventures of Superman, Superman vol. 2 and Action Comics. At Marvel, Jurgens worked on series such as Captain America, The Sensational Spider-Man and was the writer on Thor for six years. He also had a brief run as writer and artist on Solar for Valiant Comics in 1995.

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5 stars
169 (16%)
4 stars
229 (22%)
3 stars
405 (39%)
2 stars
192 (18%)
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41 (3%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 106 reviews
Profile Image for Anne.
4,745 reviews71.3k followers
January 27, 2014
I just finished this a few hours ago, and I honestly can't remember what it was about.
That's how utterly forgettable this thing was.
Hmmm. Let me think.
There was a blue flamey looking alien...Helsprout?
And I remember a panel with Clark bungee jumping with Lois' obnoxious sister.
Oooh!
Wait! I got something!
Remember that frog kid from The Lost Boys movie? Corey Feldman?
Yeah, him!

I think the artist for the last issue in this volume used him as the model for Superman...
Wow. Sexy.

Don't waste your time.
Profile Image for Shannon.
3,111 reviews2,564 followers
April 21, 2017
I'm not really a Superman fan but I don't usually dislike him. He's just kind of "meh" for me. What's funny though, is whenever I seem to like a volume he's in the people that are actually fans don't. Not sure why that is! I enjoyed this volume, I think largely in part because there's not much "Clark at work" in any of the stories. We get a little bit of a side story concerning Lois and her sister Lucy, but it wasn't a huge part of any of the issues.

Although, I understand Clark can be a bit spacey (heh) but really I put him not showing up or forgetting something squarely on Lois's, Lucy's, and Jimmy's shoulders. Why would you ask someone in quick succession with other people to do various things without any confirmation? It's a lazy trope and one I hope doesn't show up in this series again.

Overall this was a pretty good volume though. Way better than the first.
Profile Image for Kyle.
936 reviews28 followers
July 4, 2014
I would like to just forget that the Superman Annual #1, ever happened. A) the artwork wasn't just bad, it was fugly-bad. B) Helspont is the least interesting villain so far in the New52, and I kinda hate that 30+ pages were dedicated to another story featuring him.

So, Helspont sucks. And Superman keeps giving him permission to talk and talk and talk. What's up with that? Clark!! Stop encouraging the flaming-blue-skull-thingy!!! Yeesh!

This whole volume was two, giant steps backward from the first volume, in my opinion. Sure the first volume was mostly exposition, but it was GOOD exposition. This volume is just boring, blah, uninteresting nothingness. Whatever was established in the first volume as far as characterization, theme, and tone, were quickly written out through this volume.

For example: Lois Lane. In Volume One, she was a very sharp, intelligent, some-what feminist, in-charge foil for Clark Kent. But all of that is thrown out the window by Jurgens. He writes Lois as if she needs a man to hold her hand through everything. She doesn't lead, she doesn't resist, she is nothing like the Lois from Volume One. Coupled with the several, flat-out sexist jokes that Jimmy makes in each issue, I really started to question the regression of the representation of women in this series.

The only part of this book I enjoyed was the Anguish storyline, even though her costume makes no sense and is as unexplainable as her superpowers or backstory. There was at least some interesting moments during those two issues, like when Superman's secret identity is "revealed", or how the battle with Anguish ends in an unexpected way. She is at least a compelling villain with some great lines, unlike Helspont.

Go away Helspont. Just stop talking and go away.
3/5

Profile Image for Donovan.
734 reviews108 followers
April 11, 2016


Hmm. Not Jurgens' best. This was entertaining but not nearly as fun or complete as Volume 1 by George Perez. The short of it: more aliens, plus a demon king and some Cold War buffoonery. Kind of a sprawling narrative, but the groundwork laid has potential and I'm hoping things pick up in Volume 3.

Okay. So what's the deal? Superman fights a helmeted monster who teleports him to the Himalayas. Enter Helspont, a Daemonite King who looks like Ghost Rider's long lost cousin. Helspont proposes they rule Earth together and Supes predictably refuses. So they fight. Shocker. Later we get Helspont's backstory, which thankfully gives him more depth. But the alien/demon/dimensional traveler who wants to rule Earth isn't exactly a new concept.

There's the Russian sub mystery. And Victor Barnes, a douchey reporter, who causes Superman's "identity" to get out. And then there's Anguish, a very stupid character who has a very stupid, well, I won't even call it an arc. That was definitely filler.

Martian Manhunter, Hawkman, and Starfire (flatteringly with mega boobs) make short cameos near the end, attacked by Daemonite warriors, so I'm hoping they show up in the next volume for a much needed change of cast. Here's hoping for more in Volume 3.
Profile Image for James DeSantis.
Author 17 books1,204 followers
July 20, 2017
So yeah, I asked myself while reading this WHY I'm reading this. It's coming to the point where I'm trying to see if I'm just hurting myself here. Like reading this to make myself hate myself. Like James, do you hate yourself? You know New52 Action comics was mostly trash. Why try to read Superman, which is considered even worse by 99% of people. I dunno...I guess I just hope I enjoy it. Did I? HELL F'ing NO.

What I liked: Uhhh nothing? I guess Superman has some funny lines and love him being Younger so he like "Hurry it the fuck up losers" but that's it.

What I didn't like: What kind of villains are these? So bland and boring. On top of that this art is UGLY. I especially hated the last issue. So bad. That hair. Ewwww. And this story just feels lifeless. No connection to any character. Talk about Alien. Ugh.

Yeah. I'm seriously done with this run. I'm not wasting my time ANYMORE. A 1/5.
Profile Image for Lost Planet Airman.
1,283 reviews90 followers
March 7, 2020
Not a lot of quality substance to this outing of the Big Blue Boy Scout. A lot of disjointed hounding of heroes by the minions of Helspont, and a lot of pounding on Supes without much effect on Supes of the bad guys. Served with a side of Lucy Lane Goes To Metropolis.
Author 3 books62 followers
July 8, 2013
Ok. So the first volume of the Superman reboot was total pants. How does this volume fare?

It's an improvement, but we're not there yet.

For starters, 65% (give or take) of the volume is super villains expositing. "I have you in my presence, Superman. Now allow me to tell you my life history in exacting detail before we engage in inevitable fisticuffs!" And you have to give it to Superman--the guy is a great listener. He just stands there looking stern whilst creatures with blazing skulls, permanent scowls and/or gnashing shark teeth deliver their biographies and manifestos. Somehow these forgettable villains get the drop on Superman--perhaps the soporific effect of their expositing lulls Superman into a state of acute boredom?--and Supes burst forth from under a road/pile of rubble/side of a building/random mountain to deliver one-liners like "I don't do DESPOT." So far, so terrible.

But there are improvements on the first volume. For starters, Clark finally decides to lighten up a bit. After the mopey first volume, this is welcome. Second, the art is quite solid, despite the fact that a half dozen artists are on duty here--it doesn't impact the continuity of the piece as the artists generally have complementary styles. Also, there are some attempts (and I stress, ATTEMPTS) at humour and character development. These are largely unsuccessful, but some hit the mark. As I stress, this is improvement on Volume 1, but these moments still can't help but feel like crumbs for the starving.

Yet again, the biggest problem DC has with their volumes is that none of the stories are really ABOUT Superman. They are about the villains. Their history, their wants, their needs, their goals and feelings. Superman as a character is not furthered at all. We do get some development of Clark, and for that I'm truly grateful. This volume exists as a spark of hope to the long suffering Superman fan. It's not much, but we take what we can.

Hopefully the rash of new Superman titles on their way to capitalise on the marketing Man of Steel has enjoyed (in order of release, these are: Superman Unchained, Batman/Superman, and the upcoming Superman/Wonder Woman) will succeed where the flagship title has been consistently failing. As always, we spend our money with crossed fingers, and as the man himself would wish it to be, we never give up hope.
Profile Image for Dimitris Papastergiou.
2,526 reviews85 followers
September 13, 2016
If you could read shit, this is what it would be like to read shit. Yeap.

There is an alien named Helstop? Helstomp? No idea because he's so forgettable. Simply because it's a stupid character with nothing to offer.

Well, anyway, that evil character is talking to himself to give us info about his whole background and why he's on earth and why he wants Superman and why why why a million other things. HE. IS. TALKING. TO. HIMSELF. Cheapest fucking way in comics to vomit all the shit you want the reader to know since the Golden Age.

The fact that Supes is talking to himself when something happens ALL. THE. FUCKING. TIME. is just annoying as fuck. It's like I'm back in the 40's.

The artwork is meh. Nothing exceptional. It's just there. To be honest I DID like some panels. Even though the villains suck. They suck so much, they forgot they got teeth.

No story. Nothing. Just Superman going against some dumb alien who thinks is superior. They fight it out. Supes wins. Yay. The end.
Oh oh, we also get some boring as fuck material with Lois and her sister or something. I completely forgot and I JUST read the thing.

I am NOT reading the next volume because I want to have fun when reading comics, so I'm gonna let it go and read it in the future. Also I read some reviews of my friends' here about Vol.3 He'l on Earth that you have to read a bunch of other series too to understand what's happening in this whole clusterfuck.. so no thanks.

Do NOT read this if you want to read a good Superman story.

Profile Image for Scott.
2,257 reviews268 followers
November 14, 2017
This seemed like a small improvement over Vol. 1, or at least I was more engaged in the stories this time around. (The 'Anguish' / Spence Becker 'wrong man' interwoven story-line of Secrets & Lies chapter, for example. While placing women and children characters in danger is an easy writing crutch it was actually kind of well-used regarding the need for a superhero's secret identity.) But then in the last segment Superman / Clark Kent is distractingly illustrated to resemble actor Corey Feldman - did the artist owe that guy money or something?
Profile Image for Tawfek.
3,804 reviews2,208 followers
October 3, 2018
This volume have two story lines that are intertwined in a pretty good way
First the daemonite story line which we haven't seen the end of , second the anguish and the soviet submarine storyline , And yeah you guessed it right the daemonite story line is the real deal its crossing over to many other comics which we really don't have to read ,So far its proving to be the best storyline about superman i have read with origins for the daemonites and i predict origins for the kryptonians run in with the daemonites as well since Helspont knows Jor-El superman's father.
I loved Anguish she might become A hero in the future who knows but she sure is not a villain.
I don't know the big idea about Portraying the Russians as evil always in American comics but we got used to it already , Lets just say we knows the big picture and it wont affect our view to the real world politics.
Oh almost forgot to speak about the aliens the Russians kidnapped he has a point doesn't he ?
And its the second time we see Superman having a conversation with a so called "villain" since i don't consider the alien a villain as well we kidnapped him and he stroke back against us its only fair
we have a saying in Egypt it goes like this " if you are going to summon a demon you have to be able to send him away" They summoned an alien who they cant control and they got whats coming for them.
Profile Image for David Dalton.
3,060 reviews
March 27, 2019
Not sure if the world was ready for the New 52 version of Superman. I think the stories are just so so. I can almost see what led to the Rebirth titles. It looks like DC was trying to give their 52 heroes a Marvel feel to them. Vol 2 was a little better with the introduction of Helspont, from the Wildstorm universe. This will be interesting. I read Superman Vol 1 and 2 and Vol 1 of the Superman:Action New 52, and I will check out Vol 2 later today.
Profile Image for Trevor.
220 reviews9 followers
February 3, 2014
A definite improvement over the first volume by George Perez. Jurgens still "gets" Superman, and even under the New 52 mandates ("make Superman hip, young and edgy!"), you can still a little bit of the old blu boy scout peeking through under his watch. That said, there's still something missing. The story, with Supes facing off against the old Wildcats villain Helspont, is OK and all, but is also sort of instantly forgettable. And as much as I like Jim Lee, I can't be the only who who thinks it's a little annoying how much the New 52 is trying to cram his Wildstorm characters into the main DCU. I mean, not only does Superman fight Helspont, but he also teams with Grifter in this volume. Grifter?? Does anyone actually think Grifter deserves to be in the second major story arc of the new, relaunched Superman title? What a weird decision. Anyway, this is probably the best solo Superman story I've read yet in the New 52, so take that for what it's worth (hint: not much).
Profile Image for Sean Kennedy.
Author 44 books1,014 followers
July 24, 2013
A disappointing volume. One story was quite good, but one was so shartingly boring I struggled to get through it. Strangely enough, the one bright spark in this collection was Lucy Lane, who jumps off the page much more vividly and interestingly than her more famous sister. I never thought I'd prefer Supes to get with Lucy Lane, but here we go.
Profile Image for John Yelverton.
4,436 reviews38 followers
June 1, 2013
More lackadaisical story telling as they just throw books out there and hope the Superman fans will just be quiet and buy it.
Profile Image for Kaitlyn.
64 reviews1 follower
September 8, 2025
EDIT: After a few days of thought, yeah, no, 3 stars is too generous. 2 stars.


Well. That happened. (Whatever that is.)

I was going to make it 3.5 stars but then that ending happened and yeah, no, this one’s definitely just 3 stars. And that’s generous.

Which is so unfortunate! I really enjoyed the first volume in this series but this second one was a bit of a disappointment. Lots and lots of random fight scenes and that ending confused me so much. (The art style change was rather abrupt.)

What I loved about the first volume was the Daily Planet cast going out in the field and seeing Lois actually be a reporter. I liked the conflict of the people and how they couldn’t decide if they trusted Superman or not.

This volume had none of that. We got a handful of pages of Lois but that was mostly just her talking with her incredibly annoying sister. We never saw Lois or Jimmy actually do their job. We had hardly any Clark, it was mainly Supes. Which would’ve been fine except him and his thoughts were just kinda goofy in this one and not in a cute way.

Nothing really interesting happened. It was just… a whole lotta aliens who found Earth and wanted to fight Superman.

Welp. I’ll still keep reading this series because while it’s a bit janky and weak at times, I still love Superman and reading comic books is fun.
Profile Image for Charles.
Author 76 books133 followers
August 11, 2013
First Reads Review - Superman Vol 2 Secrets and Lies by Various

Of all the DC comics franchises that I could have won books for, I will admit to being slightly disappointed that I got this one. Not really because the writing is lacking or the character isn't interesting, but because this specific title seems to have had a run of bad luck at the editorial level that has led to a deluge of writer turnover that makes this volume in particular a rather difficult collection of comics to make sense of. The first three issues come courtesy of Dan Jurgens and Keith Giffen, with Giffen leaving and Jurgens taking on solo duties for the next three issues. Which would have been fine. The run still would have read a little uneven, but then the last issue comes plotted and written by Scott Lobdell and Fabian Nicieza and completely screws things up.

I'll start at the beginning, though, with a rather confusing introduction to the character Helspont, who seems to want Superman to be his thrall. Which I assumed had something to do with actually mind controlling him, which was almost confirmed when Superman had a freaking Starro attached to his face (or at least something that was obviously supposed to look like that, with tentacles coming out from his mouth). But it turns out that Superman can't be controlled (which you'd figure someone like Helspont would know) and so they just call it a wash. Next up is a story about a woman that can't be touched and a case of mistaken identity and father issues. There wasn't anything particularly wrong with these issues, but I did feel a little talked down to.

The theme in these issues, building to the issues with the Predator knock-off, was questioning why someone not from Earth would choose to be its champion, when it's likely that they would ultimately thank him for trying. It's a bit of a loaded theme, because the strength is lost when it's so obvious that Superman always wins the day and is something of a golden boy, the favored son of both Krypton and Earth. People might not trust Superman but he's no Spiderman which the book seems to be making him more into. It just didn't work for me, because Superman has to be more transparent and open, because he, unlike Spiderman, can't just let people shoot him while he calmly explains himself. It just didn't sound right to me. But that's the theme, that Superman decides to subject himself to Earth laws, to Earth morality, and not be tarnished. It's fine, but boring.

The real thing that irked me was the unevenness. Especially with the last issue where Helspont returns but is completely different. Like really completely. He somehow gets entirely new powers and a completely different back story and the theme suddenly shifts to what does it matter that Superman is helping people if it's actually helping some greater evil. Which could be an interesting question, but has no place with the other issues it's collected with. It is a complete shift, and I just felt bewildered at the end, unsure why it was picked to be included. To transition into the next writer? To pique interest to pick up the next volume? Whatever the case it didn't work, and I can only end saying that while there were some moments in this, and that the art is fine and detailed throughout, there were some poor editorial decisions here that left me giving it two stars out of five.
Profile Image for Shannon Appelcline.
Author 30 books167 followers
April 21, 2014
Far, far better than the first volume, but still not great. The personal life of Clark Kent (and Jimmy and Lois and Lucy) continues to be the highlight of the story, but it also continues to get little attention. The huge morass of writers prefer to show us big fights. Sadly, many of the fights aren't interesting because we're continually showered with new bad guys who have little in the way of character and motivation. The main exception is Helspont who is kind of cool, but also pretty confusing, especially in the Annual at the end which is really all-over-the-place with gratuitous and pointless guest stars.

Overall, the best writing seemed to be by Dan Jurgens on his own, which was from issue 10-12, and that seems to be the team going forward, so fingers crossed for the next volume.
Profile Image for Koen.
897 reviews1 follower
February 7, 2017
Pfff, I'm sorry, I totally didn't get into this one.. For me it felt like it was all over the place... Of course you can't always have it all mysterious and mucho bad guys all the time, but these little puppies didn't quite cut the board for me..

I'll be holding my breath and dive into the next, hoping it'll deliver a much better, and deeper kick in the nads :p
Profile Image for Jesse A.
1,672 reviews100 followers
September 8, 2015
Not great. I did like the artwork in the last story outside of Superman's face. A bit disjointed but I think I'll keep with the series for now.
Profile Image for Torono.
228 reviews4 followers
September 17, 2024
If there's one thing the new 52 can't get right, it's Superman, I don't think I've been impressed at all by anything they've done with him. In fact, this might just be the worst collection revolving around the man of steel I've ever read. Embarrassing
Profile Image for Luke Smith.
89 reviews5 followers
November 11, 2019
A única coisa boa dessa porra é o Helspont absoluto homem perfeito vilão com possibilidades infinitas se alguém decente colocasse as mãos nele de resto triste de embromado e tedioso.

Continuo lendo essas coisa porque eu genuinamente gosto muito do Superman dos novos 52 enquanto conceito.
Profile Image for Sans.
858 reviews125 followers
January 2, 2019
Of all the graphic novels I own, I started with this one. Not sure why, but I had to start somewhere, right?

There were some amusing lines that did little to improve a pretty mediocre collection of stories. Superman is a hit or miss character with more misses than hits (for me at least). This is just the latest miss.
Profile Image for Ryan.
902 reviews
December 13, 2022
Volume 2 of New 52 Superman has the Man of Steel on a new adventure. The burden of being a superhero and being a news journalist is getting to Clark. But another alien being has him discover another individual who has been hiding in the Himalayas, someone who wants to recruit him. His name is Helspont and he is equally matched with Superman, even coming from a proud alien heritage, and he wants Superman with him to help reclaim not only his throne but also claim Earth as the dominant ruler. Of course Superman rejects his proposal and puts an end to him, but that will not be the last of Helspont. An in-between story has a blogger supposedly finding out Superman's secret identity. Only it's not who Superman thinks it is, and somehow the proposed identity is somehow connected to a new villain, one whom Superman can't do any physical damage to. Additionally, there's a human subplot where Clark gets introduced to Lois's sister, Lucy, and his first impressions leaves her little to see much in him.

While not as concise as the first volume, Secrets & Lies is still written well enough to read about Superman's story. One thing I liked was that Helspont wasn't someone who really fought head on. Most of the screen time of the villain was spent actually conversing with Superman, which is interesting since these comics tend to be more action-oriented. One could say Helspont is what Superman could've been like had he been raised on another alien world, so a good contrast of character here. Also, the subplot of Lucy trying to get Clark to enjoy life is good too. Even superheroes need some time off, which near the end, Clark realizes what she means after a battle with another alien from a different dimension. Seeing more of the human, ordinary side of Superman is also pretty cool, seeing as how he considers himself one among Earth's population. With the ending of Volume 2 leaving on a cliffhanger, I hope the next volume is on a bigger scale of a story.
Profile Image for Steve.
268 reviews
February 22, 2014
The first volume of Superman by George Perez was exactly the opposite of what DC was trying to do with the New 52. They were trying to reboot the characters, and instead gave us a very dated Superman story with even dated art.

This volume of Superman by Dan Jurgens is a vast improvement. Dabbling in three stories, it explores the concept of humanity trying to figure out if Superman has a secret identity.

In the first overall story (and the least interesting), a villain from another galaxy is trying to take back his rightful heritage to the throne by seeking genetic superiority for his bloodline. His name is Helspont, and he wants Superman to be his "soldier" of sorts when taking over Earth. They battle briefly, and Helspont retreats.

In the second and third stories, the story is vastly more exciting. A blogger thinks he knows who Superman is, and fingers a boring family man who happens to be in the wrong place at the wrong time. A small time metahuman thief decides to go after him, and it places an innocent man in danger. Superman debunks the blogger and everything goes back to normal.

The other story is about the Russians, and how they have kidnapped a being from another dimension in order to have their own version of Superman. It keeps escaping and killing all those in its path, and Superman travels the moral line in whether to let him escape or hold him on Earth to face judgment. Earth's laws do not apply to the creature, and the ending to that arc is very satisfying.

The volume ends on a cliffhanger, as we find out Helspont has one helluva spaceship and has been trying to recruit the aliens of Earth into joining his army.

Superman will have to bring out all his ingenuity and strength to defeat this new menace, in Volume 3.

A vast improvement over Volume 1, Superman needs to have cooler and newer villains we haven't seen before to keep things new and interesting. They can also explore other aspects we haven't before, such as Clark dating someone else other than Lois, or how lonely it can be in a world without his parents around.
Profile Image for Arturo.
327 reviews16 followers
April 2, 2015
Like the previous volume's exposition ..and art, it seemed like it was made for those who miss the 80's. Now this book seems like its for someone who misses the 90's. Because you have Jurgens writing and Wildcats villain Helspont start the 1st 2 issues. It tries a little harder with the action, starting with Supes taking on a bullheaded, long tailed, armored.. alien? Sent by Helspont? Idk. It falls apart, once both Supes and Helspont have a walk and a talk. Punches are thrown. Eh not good. Next Supes takes on Anguish, an intangible girl with issues. It's ok, not really. I found the story with Lucy Lane interesting, and even Jimmy. ... Or maybe that's cuz the main story was nothing to write home about.
Next is the Annual, written by Scott Lobdell which was good. Superman talked with a lil hint of immaturity, makes sense considering now he's younger, less experienced. And in the end Helspont made Superman feel.. less Super. It left him worried about future encounters. Another plus, I actually wanted to know Helspont's backstory. And while the Grifter, Deathblow cameo didn't add much. It did accomplish what it prolly set out to do, I will read Grifter sooner then later.
Overall I don't recommend the collection. But I think the Annual might be a good jumping on point. Lobdell is doing a good job on Superboy. And just by the Annual I feel things will start to pick up.
19 reviews1 follower
February 11, 2016
Volume 2 of the New 52 Superman run is a vast improvement on Volume 1, however still lacks the inclusion of a really interesting villain or story arc to keep you glued. The art, and in particular the role metropolis plays in the story, is a high point. Metropolis never seems to have the same importance in Superman as Gotham city does in Batman; this all changes here with the city environment being a stand out in the collection. Supermans "struggle to find his role in society" storyline is somewhat passé but this almost works in the comics favour by keeping it seeming more traditional.

The villains let the collection down, however. The main overarching villain Hellspont looks much more interesting than he is and the exposition involved in his story is nothing short of an information dump. Every other villain is of the monster of the week variety and holds no real importance.

All in all it was an enjoyable read but not of the quality of several other New 52 titles (the primary Batman line in particular).
Profile Image for Jamie.
979 reviews12 followers
August 25, 2013
Better than Morrisons run on Action comics, but that's not really saying much, is it? Great art, glad to see the return of Jurgens, but there's something with the New 52 Superman that I'm just not connecting with.
Profile Image for Scott.
Author 6 books7 followers
May 31, 2014
The stakes are pretty low and the writing leaves ALOT to be desired.
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