What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most

by Elizabeth Benedict

In What My Mother Gave Me, women look at the relationships between mothers and daughters through a new a daughter’s story of a gift from her mother that has touched her to the bone and served as a model, a metaphor, or a touchstone in her own life. The contributors of these thirty-one original pieces include Pulitzer Prize winners, perennial bestselling novelists, and celebrated broadcast journalists.

Whether a gift was meant to keep a daughter warm, put a roof over her head, instruct her in the ways of womanhood, encourage her talents, or just remind her of a mother’s love, each story gets to the heart of a relationship. Rita Dove remembers the box of nail polish that inspired her to paint her nails in the wild stripes and polka dots she wears to this day. Lisa See writes about the gift of writing from her mother, Carolyn See. Cecilia Muñoz remembers both the wok her mother gave her and a lifetime of home-cooked family meals. Judith Hillman Paterson revisits the year of sobriety her mother bequeathed to her when Paterson was nine, the year before her mother died of alcoholism. Abigail Pogrebin writes about her middle-aged bat mitzvah, for which her mother provided flowers after a lifetime of guilt for skipping her daughter’s religious education. Margo Jefferson writes about her mother’s gold dress from the posh department store where they could finally shop as black women. Collectively, the pieces have a force that feels as elemental as the outpourings of lightness and darkness; joy and grief; mother love and daughter love; mother love and daughter rage. In these stirring words we find that every gift, ?no matter how modest, tells the story of a powerful bond. As Elizabeth Benedict points out in her introduction, “whether we are mothers, daughters, aunts, sisters, or cherished friends, we may not know for quite some time which presents will matter the most."

Genres: Nonfiction, Essays, Memoir, Book Club, Short Stories, Womens, Adult

306 pages, Kindle Edition

First published April 2, 2013

About the author

Me: Lots of books, zillions of essays and articles. This season: REWRITING ILLNESS: A VIEW OF MY OWN. A very serious and kinda funny take on how my lifelong fear of illness collided with actual illness in 2017. I survived. I had time to think about doctor-speak, patient-speak, death, health insurance, CANCER, my husband, my friends, did I mention CANCER? I love this blurb: "As though Nora Ephron had written a book called 'I Feel Bad About My Tumor.'" --Thomas Beller.

I'm the author of the novels ALMOST and SLOW DANCING, and of THE JOY OF WRITING SEX: A GUIDE FOR FICTION WRITERS, and editor of three anthologies: ME, MY HAIR AND I: 27 WOMEN UNTANGLE AN OBSESSION, the NYTIMES bestseller, WHAT MY MOTHER GAVE ME: 31 WOMEN ON THE GIFTS THAT MATTERED MOST and MENTORS, MUSES & MONSTERS: 30 WRITERS ON THE PEOPLE WHO CHANGED THEIR LIVES.

I coach kids applying to college and grad school with their application essays at www.DontSweatTheEssay.com. Maureen Corrigan, on "Fresh Air" raved about ALMOST days after 9/11, and Anne Tyler reviewed THE BEGINNER'S BOOK OF DREAMS, saying, "The marvel is that such a sad book could be such a joy to read."

Reviews

[Kate · Rating 5 out of 5]

There are few, if any, relationships more charged than that of a mother and daughter, and yet the essays in this wonderful anthology paint that complex picture by focussing on a single gift, experience, or habit of mind passed on from mother to daughter. There are both close and distant bonds portrayed in these essays, but all of them are moving and thought-provoking: an exercise in appraising our own relationships.

[Vanessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

"What My Mother Gave Me" is a collection of 31 essays written by different women.

Each one of them shares a precious memory about a special gift they got from their mothers. Some of them focus on the material side, while others prefer to address the lessons and advices they received during their lives. They all show how small things can change our lives forever and be great reminders of who we truly are.

The book is very emotional. In many moments, I felt like I should just stop reading and go hug my mom and thank her for everything. After finishing it, I think many people will also feel like they should write their own chapters.

Even though some essays moved me more than others, I think this book deserves 5 stars for everything it represents.

[Karen · Rating 4 out of 5]

I went to the library not knowing what book I was looking for and happened to see this one on the newly circulating shelf. It was approaching Mother's Day so I thought it would make for good intermittent reading. You know, those few minutes you have between drop off and the soccer game, or that bit of time between walking from the parking lot to work. Anyway, once I got started on these mother-daughter stories, I really began to enjoy the diverse perspectives that the authors brought to the table. After all, motherhood does mean many things and there are all types of mothers out there. Even the not so perfect moms teach lessons and sometimes where a dog pisses on the ground, she somehow fertilizes the soil in a way that allows a beautiful flower to grow. That is what some of these stories reminded me-just because I don't do it perfectly doesn't mean that it will turn out all wrong.
I'm grateful to have been raised by a loving mom who made our home feel clean and safe. I'm glad she was warm and liked to play and would help with homework. We weren't friends exactly, but we liked each other's company most of the time. I've always loved her.
I hope my kids will know how much I love them, how much I want to see them have both roots and wings, I want them to know that the Father has a plan for them and they are created for His purpose. I want them to know I'll love them no matter the circumstances of their lives.

[Erin · Rating 4 out of 5]

31 authors share a story about a gift they have received from their mother. All of the contributors are female, and the varying depictions of mother-daughter relationships are sometimes sweet, sometimes sad, but always deeply personal and meaningful. I really enjoyed reading this book in snatches here and there, and reflecting on my relationship with my own mother as well as my role as a mother (what would I want my son to write about me?). And of course the book causes you to reflect on what you would choose to write about it, if you could only share one gift that you mother had given you.

This would be an excellent gift to any mothers in your life, especially if you inscribed it with a note about what they have given to you (or their children, in the case of a spouse/sibling/etc), and it comes out just in time for Mother's Day.

**I received a free copy of this book for review via NetGalley. The opinions are my own.

[Jeffe Kennedy · Rating 5 out of 5]

A really excellent, very solid collection of essays - and not at all what I expected. Each one focuses on something the woman writer received from her mother, but not all in sentimental ways. The relationships span the spectrum from close and loving to horribly dysfunctional. Some gifts are material, others not. Some gifts were intended, others not so much. The writers speak from a variety of ethnic, religious and social backgrounds. In the end, however, as all the best essay collections do - an overall message emerges about the universality of the mother-daughter relationship, regardless of the specifics. Very well done. Highly recommend.

And many thanks to my stepsister, Hope, for gifting it to me. :-)

[Christa Baker · Rating 5 out of 5]

I heard about this book from one of the lecturers at NYU Publishing Institute, and I immediately knew it'd be a great book to give as a gift to my mother. And I was very right. Before I gave it to her, I read almost the entire thing and many of the stories made me cry. It is full of wonderful stories about mother-child relationships, so my mom liked it just as much.

[Meg - A Bookish Affair · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book just in time for Mother's Day and I actually passed on my copy of "What My Mother Gave Me" to my mom. This book is a collection of stories of what each author's mother gave her. Some gifts are tangible. Some are not. They vary from author to author. Some of the stories are happy and some of them are sad but I think that's sort of a normal reflection of the relationships that women have with their mothers. Whether happy or sad, the gifts that you get from your mother are incredibly important. They truly are things that you carry with you for your entire life, which is exactly the point that the book makes.

I really, really enjoyed this book. This is a book that you will want to share with the women in your life. It would make a great gift book for just about any occasion (but do you really need an occasion to share a book??? No way; books are for anytime!!!) So many of the stories really tugged on my heart. A couple of them made me smile. A couple of them made me tear up.

I suggest reading this book story by story. It's hard to stop in the middle of each story as I think you kind of lose momentum that way so make sure that you have time to sit down and read the whole story all the way through. I could see this being a great book to read one story at night or something like that. I feel that some of the stories in this book are definitely meant to be savored a little bit.

Overall, this is a great book!

[Nancy · Rating 4 out of 5]

Okay, Mother's Day gift this year? This book, accompanied by a letter telling your mom about a treasured something she gave you.

I'm not signing off on this collection of essays in its entirety, mind. No. Some of the essays are markedly weak, and one(about the author's clerical assistant stealing her mother's jewelry) was so weird, I had to stop reading the book for a while. But overall, the stories are interesting, heartfelt, and thought-provoking. I thought about what I had given my daughters, and wondered what maternal gift I would choose to write about. (The dollhouse, y'all. My mother made me a dollhouse out of orange crates and hand towels and wrapping paper when I was eight. And let me tell you, it was awesome, and the worst thing I ever did was pass it on to my destructive cousins.)

Mostly, though, what the essays made me think about was the absolutely mythic power of our images of Mother, and how we hold onto that image for a lifetime, shaping our mothers accordingly, no matter how much they try to resist being shaped. To see these often brilliant, insightful women take up neglectful, even toxic mothers, and drape them in layers of Motherly Love, was pretty awe-inspiring. Also, to read about some truly amazing mothers was pure pleasure.

Thanks to the LibraryThing Early Reader Program for my ARC of this book!

[Debby · Rating 5 out of 5]

I know this must sound motbid, but I'd been thiking about the eventuality of my Mom's death, as she has Alzhiemer's and other health problem, and what I waned to remember about her and what I'd like to say at her funeral....whenever that may be. So, when I came across the title of this book somewhere, I knew I had to read it. I am SO glad I did.

This compilation of 31 essays written by noteworthy women (well-known authors and others) is very moving, as well as humorous, thought-provoking and well, challenging. Reading each of them left some imprint on me and made me think, how would I like to be remembered by my daughter (and son). What imprint have for good or not so good, be left to them or in them, when I'm gone.

This book gave me a format for much thought on living in the moment with my Mom in her final years....while she still knows who I am and she glows when given a big hug and hears "
I love you Mom"!

I highly recommend reading this book. I'll be reading it again. Thanks Elizabeth Benedict!

[Linda · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you had to sum up one special gift given to you by your mother, something that mattered most and made a difference in your life, what would it be?

Author Elizabeth Benedict asked the question of thirty-one women who happen to be celebrated novelists, broadcast journalists, Pulitzer Prize recipients. Their essays in the telling are as varied and unique as the gifts received, as the relationships described.

Certainly at the back of my mind as the stories unfolded was the question, what gift did my mother leave me and … what gift will my daughters remember as having received from their mother.

A good read.

[Iva · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of these mostly short essays feel dashed off, as if the author were finishing a dreaded assignment. Others, like Sheila Kohler, wrote prose as tight and interesting as her best fiction. Some took the topic literally, writing about a piece of furniture, jewellery or clothing. (Joyce Carol Oates wrote about knitted item she called a quilt that didn't reveal anything about her mother.) Others saw the opportunity to reflect on examples of how to behave, live or work. A mixed bag with some memorable pieces.

[Kathleen Brunnett · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very cool idea to tap into noted female writers on what their mothers gave them. For some, it was a physical object, but for others it was an emotion or attitude or opportunity. I wish the background of these 31 writers was shared either before their entry or directly after it. Instead the information was listed at the back of the book in alphabetical order. Knowing their background up front would have made me appreciate or understand their story even more.

[Jennifer Estep · Rating 5 out of 5]

These stories are told in each author's unique voice with a touching point about gifts their mothers gave them. But the stories as a whole are cohesive and flow seamlessly from one to the next. I think this would be a fantastic gift for all mothers, especially on Mother's Day.

[Elizabeth Evans · Rating 5 out of 5]

I didn't review the whole book, but I talked about one of the writers, Lillian Daniel, on my blog. I knew her mother and wrote about my memories of her -- at http://kazakhstanii.blogspot.com

[Mckinley · Rating 3 out of 5]

Essays from women writers about their mothers.

[Mari Carroll · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a sweet book of short stories written by 31 various authors focused on their relationships with their mothers and meaningful gifts from them…whether tangible, or a skill, or an adventure…

The book was especially poignant as my sister gifted me this for Mother’s Day…and she and I were primary caregivers for our mother from May to July of 2009 until our mom passed. We each had our unique relationship with our mom and I know we took away some gifts that were the same (independence, the ability to make homemade pasta, a love for music, compassion and kindness and the desire to bring people together and entertain). I’m sure we have some that are special to ourselves uniquely as well.

I love short stories because you can pick the book up when you have time and I also love finding new authors based on their writing styles. I’m already adding many books to my “To Read” list on Goodreads…like I need more 🤣

Thanks Sue!

[Incognito · Rating 5 out of 5]

What My Mother Gave Me completely blew off all my windows and doors. It's not just that it made me think about the many things, tangible and intangible, that my mother (who has been gone now for 4+ years) gave me, although it did do that. It's that the voices of the writers who contributed to its pages made me think about the many and varied ways there are to be a woman. All of these writers, and certainly their many mothers, have lived rich and fascinating lives. Whether I felt kinship with them over the things their mothers gave them that mattered most or not, it was a privilege to get each woman's take on this most pivotal relationship and to catch glimpses of so many different kinds of women's lives.

I finished reading What My Mother Gave Me in a fancy hotel room with a balcony overlooking the sea. My urge to come back to this east coast beach town--a place my family and I went to for the first and last time a little over three years ago to mark the first anniversary of my mother's death--grew and grew as I read. So, when the opportunity presented itself to dash off here for a couple of days, I jumped at the chance. My mother was never in this town or at this hotel that I know of, but we scattered my father's, my brother's, and, finally, her own ashes in the sea as each of them died because that way, by her reckoning, "whenever you're near the water, you're close to the person who died." That idea was foreign to me when she first proposed it when my father died many years ago, and, as a lifelong lover of cemeteries (So peaceful! So quiet! So sad!), I wasn't sure I agreed. As with so many other things, though, she was right. My mother gave me lots of things and ideas that matter more than I ever would have guessed they would at the times she gave them, but that one may be the one that matters most. That, and knowing to always go to a fancy hotel by the sea when you want to, even if you can't really afford it and common wisdom would say that you shouldn't. "You deserve it," was one of my mother's favorite refrains, and also, "Je ne regrette rien." Thanks, Mom!

[Changerous · Rating 5 out of 5]

What My Mother Gave Me, edited by Elizabeth Benedict, is a collection of essays by 31 women writers on “the gifts that mattered most.” Although this may seem well-traveled ground, each piece in this beautiful collection is unique and well written.

The gifts are wide-ranging in scope, from the most prosaic (nail polish) to the exceptional (the gift of writing). Their impact is deep and lovely, often unexpected for the receiver, and for the reader.

This is not a sentimental read: not all of these women like their mothers; many have unresolved disagreements and differences. Yet all have taken something positive and lasting from their gifts and experiences, and many of the stories reveal legacies of fortitude and love.

These stories naturally made me think about the gifts my mother has given me over the years, and what I will be passing along to my children in turn, as gifts and as life lessons. One thing my mother shared was an enduring love of reading, and the strong message (by example) that it’s OK to put almost anything in life on hold if you’re caught up in a good story.

I’m still contemplating what my most meaningful gift to my children might be—although I’m not sure we can determine that ourselves; the meaning may lie more in what our children take from what we offer than in what we intend to convey. Either way, I’m savoring the process.

Meanwhile, I’ll be sending many mothers in my life this book for Mother’s Day. It will be a gift they can enjoy now and in the future, that celebrates the value and influence of their daily lives and actions, intended or otherwise.

Brilliant Memoir of life-changing moments from a range of authors.

Full disclosure: I received this book free from @AlgonquinPublishers as part of the @LibraryThings Early reviewers program.

[Pamela Barrett · Rating 5 out of 5]

I spent a week weeping my way through Elizabeth Benedict’s compilation of stories aptly named What My Mother Gave Me. It was a good, cleansing weeping as the stories brought back memories of my own mother who passed away a few years ago; and just like in these stories some memories were sweet and some not so much.

The stories are told by 31 women writers who share the gifts their mothers’ gave them: ones that meant the most to them. These are not all physical gifts—all though some are—these are the life affirming, wake-up, smell-the-roses moments and lessons that we may not recognize at the time, but years later we realize how precious they were and how they shaped us. I’ve told so many women about this wonderful book and how it touched me. I loved reading it. Definite 5 stars to all the writers. Thank you to Librarything E.R.

[Literary Mama]

In her book’s introduction, Benedict writes about the panic she felt when she lost the scarf her mother had given to her: “If this one gift meant so much to me, if it unlocked the door to so much history and such complicated feelings, might other women have such a gift themselves?” That question inspired What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most, which features 31 short essays by an accomplished list of female writers, including Roxana Robinson, Ann Hood, Lisa See, Margo Jefferson, Katha Pollitt, Mary Gordon, Rita Dove, Susan Stamberg, Joyce Carol Oates, and Marge Piercy.

Read Literary Mama's full review here: http://www.literarymama.com/reviews/a...

[Andrea · Rating 5 out of 5]

Karen Karbo's, White Gloves and Party Manners is one of my favorite chapters. Also, Elizabeth Benedict's story about her flowered scarf and Charlotte Silver's story about her mother the restauranteur. There is even a recipe at the end of that chapter. The collection of stories, all written by accomplished writers and authors is a great book for mothers and daughters everywhere and a great way to identify talented female writers. The editor Elizabeth Benedict has inspired daughters to see gifts from their mothers in a new light. I recommend reading it, gifting it and thinking about your own mothers' gifts to you.

[Vikki · Rating 5 out of 5]

I now have read What My Mother Gave Me, edited by Elizabeth Benedict, for a second time. I first read it seven years ago. It was perfect to read it again during the pandemic. I loved this book just as much the second time. Again it gave me so many ideas for other reads. Loved this book! I think it is a book I need to read every seven years!

[Cassandra · Rating 4 out of 5]

I'm really close with my mom, so when I saw this book, I was immediately intrigued. Some of the stories were really moving, and some were less so. It was interesting to see what these women considered gifts and how the relationships between women differed.

[Juanita · Rating 3 out of 5]

Some of the stories are quite moving. I teach a course for mother's of adult daughters. I think samplings from this book would be very enlightening to use in my class for discussion purposes.

[Jamie · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a good read. These writers are writing from a secular world view. While I do not agree with all of their views, I appreciated their stories.

[Torieqwq · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful series of essays. I promptly shared my copy with my mother and my daughter.

[Toby · Rating 4 out of 5]

A nice collection of essays, some more poignant than others. It was kind of interesting (but sad) to see how many people had difficult relationships with their mothers.

[Geeta Ramani · Rating 5 out of 5]

Prompt: Features a magician:

What My Mother Gave Me: Thirty-one Women on the Gifts That Mattered Most
By Elizabeth Benedict (Editor)

What do women remember about their mother? What is that one unforgettable gift they received from their mother? The answers were a mixed bag, from objects to observations, and yet each memory was remarkable, each gift, thought provoking. Women express their feelings variously, about their mother's gift; there is love and joy, thankfulness and gratefulness, grief and sadness. There is sympathy and empathy, understanding and support. As I read story after story -a lump would form in my throat and I needed to pause again and again - I was overwhelmed, and many times moved to tears.

But I have also learnt more about myself as a mother and how my thoughts, words and actions have had a profound impact on my daughters. Some stories, reminded me of my quirky habits as a mother. In each and every story, I found a little of myself. But It's wonderful to note that all mothers are the same, yet every mother is different. And this unique legacy of motherhood, no less than magic, continues to be the most powerful gift women inherit.

[Carol Bakker · Rating 2 out of 5]

The cover of the book seduced me. And writing about my mom is one of the things I do, so I was eager to read 31 essays, compare notes, pick up some pointers. I must not move in the same circles as the editor, because I only recognized four names in the lineup: Susan Stamberg, Joyce Carol Oates, Eleanor Clift, and Lisa See.

Moms are a difficult subject. So easy to veer into the ditch of sentimentality and syrupy idealism. But I was taken aback by the high percentage of essays written by daughters who disparaged their moms. My mom had seven kids who never once doubted her love. And because this is such a personal, closely-held precious thing—my mom's love and her early death—most of this book's essays were tuneless to me.

The editor writes, When I looked around at my closest women friends, almost every one had a tragic mother story, one more heartbreaking and unbelievable than the next. I knew I was comfortable with women who'd had damaged mothers, mothers who had never been quite all there for them.

My three favorites: Eleanor Clift writing about her mom who grew up on Föhr (look it up), a tiny island with its own language, to marry a man who transplanted her to New York city; Lisa See writing about her mom's best advice. "Write a thousand words a day and one charming note." And Emma Straub who writes But when I think of her, I don't think of objects. I think of walking somewhere with her, arm in arm, our laughs always the loudest in any room, or her clapping along with whatever music is playing, always having more fun than anyone else.

Reading the made me consider what my mom gave me. Sticking to material gifts, I can think of two things and they both make me snicker! She made my Halloween costumes. One year I was a witch with a conical witch's hat. ☺ And one Christmas she sewed at night without a pattern, making a varied wardrobe for my Barbie doll. Can you imagine the detail work, sewing snaps, etc? The child-me played with them incessantly. The adult-me doesn't even approve of Barbies! I have no idea what happened to the dolls/clothes/accessories. But if I had them now, I'd give them to my granddaughters and tell them about the wonderful woman who made them.

[Jenni V. · Rating 3 out of 5]

http://readingatrandom.blogspot.com/2...

I would like to thank NetGalley and Algonquin Books for the opportunity to read an advance copy of this book. The expected publication date for this book is April 2, 2013.

First, a little backstory. I've spent the past week packing up my childhood home (thankfully, this transition was due to downsizing and not death), giving my mom and I many opportunities to talk about the items she saved and the stories behind them. These conversations in turn inspired me to come home and share stories and long-forgotten treasures with my kids.

Needless to say, when I saw this book on NetGalley, I felt as if it had been written for me. It would be impossible not to read a book like this without considering the legacy your mother left you, or the legacy you are leaving your children, so I settled in to read this book and feel the feelings I anticipated would soon follow.

Then...nothing happened. As with all books that have more than one contributor, there will be some hits and misses. In this case, the majority of the stories were average, one or two truly shone, and none were complete misses. Some may say my expectations were too high, but I disagree. The state of mind I was in while reading this book could not have placed me more squarely in the target audience - I was primed to be inspired and possibly shed a tear, and I just wasn't moved.

I'm neutral about my recommendation. I certainly wouldn't discourage someone from reading it, but I'm not going out of my way to recommend it either.