Mum, Can You Lend Me Twenty Quid?: What drugs did to my family

by Elizabeth Burton-Phillips MBE

i newspaper 'What We're Reading This Week' December 2017'Elizabeth's courage in speaking out is moving, and her ability to move others is impressive. This is a story that needs to be told, and needs to be heard.' - Theresa May, Prime Minister'Elizabeth [is] someone who had the courage to tell her family's story and to challenge attitudes. Elizabeth has already made a difference and I am sure that all those who read this book will be both challenged and inspired.' - Chief Constable Sara Thornton, National Police Chiefs' Council'I cannot praise this book highly enough . . . Born out of personal pain and tragedy, this story will lead you to the birth of DrugFAM . . . It is truly inspiring and wonderful what has been and continues to be achieved through this story.' - Sir Anthony Seldon, Vice-Chancellor of the University of Buckingham'I would urge all parents, teachers and pupils to read this heart-rending book.' - FT Magazine'A book that is moving and ultimately, inspiring.' - Waterstones Books QuarterlyElizabeth Burton Phillips was a teacher, an ordinary mother who had always tried to do the best for her children; she never imagined that her identical twin sons, who had been doing so well at school, would become involved in drugs. She was shocked when they were suspended from school for smoking cannabis; but this was just the start of a terrible descent into personal and family heartbreak. The painful journey ended in the way Elizabeth had always dreaded - a knock on the door in the middle of the night by the police. They gave her the devastating news that her son Nick had killed himself in despair at his heroin addiction. Since his death, Elizabeth has campaigned tirelessly to make parents aware of the pain and suffering caused to families by drug addiction; and her surviving twin, Simon, now drug-free, has contributed his own thoughts to this inspiring and gut-wrenching story that will shake every reader to the core.This new edition brings Elizabeth's story up to date, sharing the inspiring achievements of the author - awarded an MBE in the Queen's 2017 Honours List - and her charity DrugFAM, giving hope to families impacted by addiction.

Genres: Nonfiction, Biography, Memoir, Drugs

319 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 17, 2007

Reviews

[Sadie · Rating 5 out of 5]

Gripping, could not put it down, wanted to read on and on. This was very true to emotions, thought and feelings and way of life that I as a parent have experienced to a point. Personally believe that everyone should have a go at reading this, not just those that have experienced life like it, but for others also, it gives a true understanding of addiction and that it can happen to any family. No one knows how life will be or how our children will live their life however much we guide and support them and want the best for them in life.

[Sara Leuckx · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heel confronterend hoe de moeder het drugsgebruik van haar kinderen niet doorheeft tot een bepaald moment

[Teresa Burlow · Rating 5 out of 5]

Heartbreaking, so sad

[Say · Rating 3 out of 5]

Factual account of the impact of 2 twins heroin addiction had on them and their family. Told predominantly from their mothers perspective in the hope it will enlighten other families.

[MRS C ARMSTRONG · Rating 5 out of 5]

I read this in one sitting, so powerful

Oh my goodness, recommended to me by a friend. I have lived through a similar situation for the last 15 years. This book helped me in ways I cannot describe. I cannot say that I feel a happy ending is possible but maybe I can deal with it now.

[Lucy Bygrave · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an utterly moving read, I cried my way through many a page.

My life has been impacted by 4 different people who were addicts, only 1 is still alive today and clean, I’ve cried through the funerals of the other 3.

The strength it must have taken for a grieving mother to be able to produce this books shows the determination to help others.

[Lucy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have had to take a day or two to write this review, to compose myself, to try and find the right words to express how this book made me feel. I have come to the conclusion, that there are not any kind of sentiments or statements that will ever do this book justice, and I am so elated that I have had the opportunity to read this.

Giving an insider's perspective from this harrowing world of drugs, Elizabeth explores a Mother's side of the story of addiction in such a powerful and remarkable way.

As the title and synopsis suggest, this a memoir by Elizabeth Burton-Phillips, MBE - the mother of two twins who were captured by the cruelty of heroin addiction, and how one of her sons, Nick, heartbreakingly lost his battle in 2004 after committing suicide.

This made me cry from the very beginning, to the very end. I sobbed with Elizabeth and Simon (Nick's brother) as they both recall this traumatic and painful time of their lives, spanning over a decade.

Some would say I am bias as this is a very relatable topic for me and one of my children, but I am so thankful for the courageousness that Elizabeth and her family were able to demonstrate by being incredibly frank and truthful about their lives during these times. I am able to acknowledge precisely the anguish, and the desolation that addiction brings to a whole family, even after death, however, Elizabeth and Simon's words were able to offer comfort and support through the ink on the pages.

From the demands of having to put boundaries in place, against a mother's maternal instincts, to the failed rehabilitation attempts, the effects this time had on her marriage, to the realisation that the bond between the brothers was actually one of the main factors of their re-occurring relapses, not wanting the other to suffer alone in their drug induced solitude, I was given a better understanding of circumstances that has been brought in my own life.

I can not write this review without mentioning the amazing work and the charity that Elizabeth set up in 2006, in the wake of Nick's death. DrugFAM offers help and support to everyone and anyone, with out judgement or retribution. The charity also offers educational and information programmes to help raise awareness of the dangers of addictions and to also display the sorrow it causes to these caught up in it (not just the addicts themselves!) There are no doubts why Elizabeth received her MBE for her contribution to Voluntary Services. An inspirational, strong and tenacious lady that I will be talking about for the foreseeable.

This story has also been made into a theatre production and is used in connection with educational workshops performing in prisons, schools and to families or anyone needing support and/or guidance. It is clear to see why this campaign and charity, has received such momentous support from Politicians, Police and Educational Patrons.

Nor can I leave out the fact that Simon's recovery is a such huge achievement. To overcome the pain of losing his twin brother, and remain clean ever since, is an everlasting testimony for anyone, that is struggling with addiction.

I have just three words to every reader, and every member of society out there - READ THIS BOOK!!!

[Mandy · Rating 2 out of 5]

Our Bookclub choice for October. Whilst it is a book with worthy intentions and has probably been appreciated by families in similar situations, it doesn’t do anything to address the issue of why certain people escalate into hard drugs whilst others don’t. Elizabeth seems to suggest that her decision to move to Bath and a more challenging job was the catalyst but I’m sure many families have followed this path or far more challenging situations without any family members succumbing to heroin addiction.
The fact that the boys hid their drug use and were good at lying is not surprising to any parent. Children are very adept at lying - maybe Elizabeth just didn’t have the ability to see through this deceit? Time and again she was blind to their lies and so easily hoodwinked.
I can understand a mother’s love for her child meaning she will go on trying to save them - it took her a long time to get to tough love! And her poor husband is dragged along - not even their dad - my admiration goes to him. And why is the sister pretty much invisible throughout the book - why?
Still not sure she addresses the issue - why them and not others? Being a twin certainly seems to exacerbate their addiction but I feel there must be something more or is it just a combination of factors which no one can really mitigate against?

[Jolien · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ik werk als leefgroepbegeleider in een therapeutische gemeenschap voor mensen met een verslavingsproblematiek. Het thema is me bekend, maar de manier hoe dit verhaal werd geschreven heeft me erg ontroerd. Het is eerlijk, menselijk, maar ook hard. Ik ken voornamelijk de kant van de persoon met de verslaving, dus het was interessant om deze keer de andere kant op de voorgrond te zien staan. Heftig, maar wel leerrijk. Ik ga voor 4 sterren i.p.v. 5 sterren, omdat ik het genezingsproces van Simon mis in het boek. Na het overlijden van Nick gaat het plots heel snel. Ik had graag willen weten hoe Simon erin geslaagd is om clean te worden na zo'n destructieve periode...

[Kirsty Kenny · Rating 5 out of 5]

Just finished this book. Coming from someone with ADHD and who struggles to stay focused, this book pulled me in from the start. Finished it in less than a week! I’ve never finished a book so quick. Elizabeth gives a detailed, raw and honest insight to what life is like for the individuals addicted to substances and those close to them and the strains it has on them. A powerful read, which should be shown to everyone in schools to hopefully deter them from the vicious cycle that is drug addiction. A sad story about nick, but it is a blessing that Simon managed to rebuild his life. A 5 star read.

[Jessica Jenkins · Rating 5 out of 5]

I saw this live in hmp Bronzefield I was an inmate at the time I'm and also a recovery worker helping women who have alcohol or drug addictions I was supposed to be there to support the other women but I must have been the only one who cried her eyes out when I saw this live in the prison Chapel I wish I could see it again one of the most emotional things I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Nancy Sykes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Srdceryvný příběh vypráví o životě dvojčat, kteří se stáli závislí na heroinu. Závislost na těžkých drogách je velmi zlá v tom, že zpravidla ničí nejen ty, kteří je berou, ale i nejbližší rodiny. Protože lidé závislí na heroinu, kteří potřebují peníze, jsou schopni okrást a obelhat i ty nejbližší. Kniha je psána především z pozice matky dvojčat. Smutná kniha, ale doporučuji.

[Renetta Neal · Rating 5 out of 5]

What an inspirational story, though a heartbreaking one that is full of fight and grief. I relate to some of this but not all of it, breaking through the stigma and providing support to others is a beautiful and brave legacy and I hope I get to do something similar in memory of my Son, create a legacy in his memory.

[Matt · Rating 4 out of 5]

Raw account of a families struggles with drug addiction. The author has twin sons, both of which were addicted to drugs - the plight of the author is plain to see in this no holds barred account filled with tragic events.

[Megan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a raw tale of two twin brothers and a mother. All struggling with drugs. Recently with what happened with my family, I decided to read it. What I got was a book with what I couldn't put down. It was so raw and nothing like I've read before.

[amanda wilson · Rating 5 out of 5]

excellent

What a brave lady to write this book, so glad she did though. Anybody who has loved ones in active addiction should read this. Really makes you understand you’re not alone in the terrible darkness of a loved ones addiction

[Simi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Very thought provoking and educational. Would absolutely suggest everyone read this, whether it be because you yourself are in the situation, know someone who is or has been in the situation or just to educated yourself on what addiction does to the person, but family and friends also.

[Izzie Tol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Completely candid and a real eye opener on the huge impact on a completely normal family. A must read, especially for teenagers.

[Rose McClelland · Rating 5 out of 5]

Brilliant! Totally engrossed the whole way through. Read this in one sitting.

[Lils Collingwood · Rating 5 out of 5]

Couldn’t put it down.

[Malene Rokkjær · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a heartbreaking story

[Craig Mccann · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to the audible drama version of this book which is retitled as Inseparable.

A well acted and scripted drama. Highly recommended.

[Kirstin · Rating 5 out of 5]

Such a tough read. I’ve never understood the desire to get into drugs and out of touch with reality.. this book shows how easy it is and the heartbreaking story of a mother trying to help her sons

[Martina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Drastic, so horrible, sad.

[Linda · Rating 3 out of 5]

A hard hitting account of a family's battle with heroin. A mum's honest account of her life trying to help her twin boys get free from addiction. A tough but good read.

[Sarah kitson · Rating 5 out of 5]

..

Absolutely amazing , brilliant read, the strength you showed as a person and family just shows within the after work you are doing 🙂

[Helen Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

A borrow from our library
A sad bit interesting read

[Mrs C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew the twins from school. The penny didn't drop until 3/4 through the book. Tragic story but brilliant writing.

[alice plant · Rating 5 out of 5]

Authentic to the last detail. I know this as I've been through the same thing. Now twenty four years ago, but still seems like yesterday. Life changing!

[Antony Simpson · Rating 5 out of 5]

From AntonySimpson.com:

Mum Can You Lend Me Twenty Quid? is the true story by Elizabeth Burton-Phillips of what drugs did to her family. The prologue described the knock at the door late one night, the police – one of her twin sons has died. Although this Prologue intended to encourage the reader to read on, I felt that it didn’t need it. I had already picked up the book because of the title and back cover.

The book starts off by describing the twins and their family. Average was the word that sprang to mind. Elizabeth describes the closeness of the twins and how they were lovely children. Elizabeth describes some of the warm, funny, close memories that she had of her young children and of family life at that time.

Then she tells the reader about her twins Nick and Simon’s adolescent years. Elizabeth discusses not knowing about their Cannabis use and Simon writes sections explaining what was really going on. He describes the early life style of his teenage years and how the little lies started to grow in to more elaborate complex lies.

Elizabeth describes how she felt as her sons became young adults, started to live independently and became involved in crime. Elizabeth still unaware of what exactually was going on, but knowing that something wasn’t right. The book continues with extracts from Simon explaining what was actually going on and how him and his twin brother progressed to become addicted to heroin.

Elizabeth then tells of how she coped with the addiction cycles. She explains the financial cost, the psychological pressure of trying to maintain her Teaching position with very few people knowing about her sons addition and most importantly the worry and anxiety she felt. She then tells the rest of the story with this addiction cycle coming some-what repetitive at points. Throughout the books she gains others perspectives by allowing them to write short sections. Contributers include Nick’s Drug Worker, his Probation Officer, Hostel Workers as well as Simon’s continued input.

Overall it is an emotional journey. It helps you to realise that addiction doesn’t just effect the person with the addiction but their families too. It helps you understand that because of the nature of addiction being a taboo subject it makes families feel isolated and alone, which is partly why she wrote the book.

The other reason she wrote the book is to make Nick’s life (the twin that tragically died) not be in vein. She describes that perhaps without the death of Nick, Simon would have never got drug free. They were too closely intertwined. The final few chapters of the book describe what the family have done since the death of Nick. The good work in setting up a charitable foundation, speaking at various conferences and even being a consultant for the UK government around UK drug policy.