Nice Guy FAIL

by Phil Torcivia

“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” – Mark TwainI’m at a New Year’s party with a bunch of friends, most married. Midnight is approaching, and I’m holding the tallest Bombay Sapphire and tonic I can find, because I haven’t found Miss Next. A married friend remarks.“Dude, who are you going to kiss at midnight?”“No idea.”“Why don’t you mingle and find someone?”“Maybe I don’t see anyone I’d like to kiss.”“Hey, beggars can’t be choosers.”“Neither can married men.”“But...”“Careful, lad. You don’t want to confess infidelity to a writer.”“I’m not. I’m just saying, if I wanted to kiss another woman, I could.”“Right, and you might be caught and forced to pay the consequences, which would be more significant than mine.”“So, you like being alone because it’s safer.”“Single. I like being single, because it offers nearly limitless opportunities.”“What about the sex?”“Really? You want to go there? How long have you been married?”“Never mind. Enjoy your drink, nice guy.”I am nice—to a fault. Then, after being poked enough times, I stray into naughty land. Although I know it’s what many women prefer, I can’t seem to transform myself into a bad boy.I witness bad boys treating women badly. Often, these women complain to me about it. Then, I watch them walk away from me, and swoon back into the beast’s arms.Insanity, if you ask me.This is what makes me fall from niceness. Women constantly saying they want one thing, while selecting the other. Women don’t want to fuck nice guys. Women want bad boys to fuck them. There’s only one way to describe Guy FAIL.

239 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 17, 2013

About the author

Torcivia is a divorced man who transplanted himself from Pennsylvania into the treacherous dating pool in Southern California. His feline companions, Syd and Symon, share his home in San Diego and an occasional dish of leftover tuna. Torcivia loves nothing better than bellying up to the bar with his favorite social lubrication (wine) and watching the bizarre mating rituals of the locals, which he translates into humorous essays. He has been single long enough to be involved in a few train wrecks of his own, admitting that he's "one relationship disaster away from a third cat."

Reviews

[Leslie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Just like with his previous book What a Nice Guy, Nice Guy FAIL made me laugh out loud. He manages to get his point, whether you agree with them or not, across with his caustic humor and sarcasm. At certain points, you may even find yourself agreeing with him even though some part of yourself tells you it's not right to agree with him.

Now I don't know if it's me, but I kinda felt that he was a little more angrier in this book than his last. He doesn't hide how he feels regarding children, those children's mothers, those people you are forced to work with before being dismally fired, etc. As much as your eyebrow(s) may raise at the tone, you can't help just laughing and seeing the humor put into it.

If you're looking for deep, meaningful insights into what makes the world go 'round, get another book. If you're bored with nothing to do and looking for something to kill time then get the book. You may or may not learn something, but at the very least you will laugh and be mildly entertained.

[Beth Wheeler · Rating 4 out of 5]

Cackle-funny. Great sense of humor, this writer. (Actually, this book is like reading thousands of accumulated well-written tweets.) A few chapters were a little flat, but overall this was an entertaining read.

[Jessica · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book was a fun read.

[Teri Temme · Rating 4 out of 5]

Some seriously LOL moments. I started reading it on my iPhone in a crowded room - sort of embarrassing when I burst out laughing. Oh well. . .

[Margarita Bastar · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book made me LOL a lot, which is hard to do literarily.