Divorce and Remarriage in the Church: Biblical Solutions for Pastoral Realities

by David Instone-Brewer

Will God allow me to divorce my abusive husband? Would it be a sin if I remarried? Divorce and remarriage are major pastoral issues facing every church. Yet when we turn to Scripture for guidance, we often hear conflicting messages about its teachings. David Instone-Brewer shows how, when properly understood, the New Testament provides faithful, realistic and wise guidance of crucial importance and practical help for the church today.

Genres: Theology, Marriage, Christian, Counselling, Nonfiction, Christian Living, Relationships

208 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 2003

Reviews

[Brian Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Instone-Brewer brings truth and clarity to the complicated issues of divorce and remarriage. This is a popular-level, and probably more pastoral, version of his previous book, Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible. Clearly, Instone-Brewer has done historical research on Jewish and Roman understandings of divorce and remarriage, and he presents this information as a help to understanding the relevant biblical texts about these subjects. In short, he says that the Bible consistently allows divorce when a spouse has committed sexual immorality/adultery, when one spouse has abandoned another, and when a spouse consistently and unrepentantly refuses material support or physical affection. He doesn't say one must divorce in those cases, or that one should be quick to divorce. However, these events break marriage vows, and if the erring spouse is willing to repent, the wronged spouse is free to divorce and remarry.

While I might not agree with every minor point Instone-Brewer makes, any mention of little disagreements would be quibbling. On the whole, I believe he is right. He includes emails from, and answers to, people who are struggling with various issues of divorce and remarriage.

[Jonathan Roberts · Rating 1 out of 5]

Original view: Whoa…… this book drops a bomb on the way I have viewed divorce according to the Bible. It does not condone divorce or soften it but made it make sense. I never understood the differing allowable reasons for divorce from Jesus and Paul and the Old Testament. But the author is able to make them all make sense…. Wow and just in time as I teach Matthew 19 this week.

Now…well I have read some other commentators on this and some scholars too….and while the author, most likely, had good intentions, I think he over softens the exceptions for divorce. I am still not sure about the exception clauses but I am pretty sure he is too loose with them.

[Lindsay Hall · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was a welcomed challenge to my views on marriage, divorce, and remarriage. Instone-Brewer is clearly a scholar who knows so much more historically and theologically than I do. I wish he didn't utilize scholarly assumption so much as the basis for his arguments because I can't pretend to be able to corroborate his facts, but I do appreciate the facets of his arguments regarding what are biblical grounds for divorce and remarriage. I almost skipped the last chapter, which includes emails that have been sent to him, as well as his response. I am glad, however, that I didn't, because it helped me to see how Instone-Brewer himself uses his own research in his practical counsel to believers. He does so in a way that I appreciate. While I can't say that reading this book will necessarily change the way that I would counsel a woman considering divorce, it will certainly change the way I minister to those considering, going through, or having gone through a divorce. I do think every pastor, elder, and deacon should read this book.

[Dave Betts · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very helpful perspective that provides much food for thought. There seem to be a few assumptions in the author's reasoning -- or, at the very least, a lack of *cited* evidence to support his claims -- but there is a lot to appreciate in the book nonetheless.

[Jeff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Several years ago I did what I thought was a careful study of the biblical passages on divorce and came to a set of confident conclusions. Although I felt sympathetic to those who faced the possibility or reality of divorce, it seemed to me that Jesus' teaching made clear that divorce was only permissible in cases of adultery, and even then remarriage might still be disallowed. Paul, too, seemed to permit just one exception to prohibitions against divorce, that of abandonment by an unbelieving spouse. Of course this is a very common view in conservative churches.

Not long ago someone gave me an article that forcefully argued this view. The Bible permits no divorce, the article said. There is only one exception, that of adultery. Jesus made this very clear. (As I read the article, I nodded in grim agreement.) And then there is only one other exception, that of abandonment. Paul made this very clear. Now I nodded again, but I noticed something odd. How could Jesus say that divorce is impermissible in all but ONE circumstance, but Paul likewise allow only ONE circumstance, but Paul and Jesus name different ONE circumstances? Something was wrong with the article's understanding. And something was wrong with mine.

David Instone-Brewer not only resolves this problem, he offers a coherent, holistic understanding of biblical divorce and remarriage based on extensive scholarship into the relevant Scriptural passages and the Jewish and Roman doctrines and customs of the first century. He explains the common understanding of these matters at the time that Jesus and Paul were communicating and shows how their teaching fits into and must be understood in light of their cultural milieu. The result is a sensible, commonsense doctrine that exhibits consistency with both the rigor and grace of the rest of Jesus' and Paul's teachings. Instone-Brewer's view isn't "fuzzy", hand-waving, or by any means dismissive of Scripture—quite the contrary—and yet he shows that what the Scripture teaches is realistic, human, and oriented toward both love and holiness.

Instone-Brewer points out a fundamental passage that I had, in my own study, entirely overlooked. Exodus 21:10–11 has formed the basis of marriage and divorce laws not only in Judaism but in Gentile cultures from its writing until the present day, and yet I had never seen it emphasized in biblical teaching. His careful study of this passage along with the Jewish tradition of interpretation and first century controversies surrounding Hillelite "Any Cause" divorce cast a completely different—and clearly more accurate—light on Jesus' response to the Pharisees' questions on divorce in Matthew 5, 19, and elsewhere.

His analysis shows that Jesus and Paul agree with the Old Testament in permitting divorce in cases of abuse, neglect, or adultery. Although this doctrine must seem reasonable enough to a non-Christian, many Christians refute divorce for abuse or neglect. Instone-Brewer also shows that the Scripture in no place binds a person divorced on these legitimate grounds to perpetual celibacy: as Paul says in 1 Cor 7, "you are not enslaved." God himself is divorced. This does not make him a sinner, but a wise husband who knew when to cut ties with a wayward and adulterous wife. God hates divorce not because he hates the legal procedure but because he hates the behaviors within marriage—abuse, neglect, adultery—that break its holy bond and that invoke the legal procedure of divorce.

These are controversial and heartfelt issues, and if my summary is leaving you unconvinced I'd urge you to read the book. He makes a very strong case. There is also a "sister book", "Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible", also by Instone-Brewer, that makes the scholarly argument from the original languages and sources with exhaustive rigor.

For me, understanding the biblical teaching at last has brought a renewed sense of God's grace and provision. I have, I'm ashamed to say, been a legalist. God is not a legalist, and has provided rules, teaching, and guidance that hold us to a high standard for marriage while also dealing wisely with those sad cases in which marriages become broken and destructive. This book provides a sound guide to a more accurate understanding of what God teaches on divorce and remarriage through Scripture.

[Míriam · Rating 5 out of 5]

Eye-opening. I sincerely understand why many Christians, myself included, would face such review with skepticism, especially on a subject with so many practical consequences, in a society where disengagement is an absolute challenge. We are afraid to adapt the Bible to our needs, and we believe that the traditional view is the one that is most subject to the Bible. Although in many aspects it may be so, in many others a traditional vision may be nothing more than principles that some people applied in a certain way according to their understanding, with their own cultural and historical background. Therefore, as a Christian, I look for what God says in his Word, even when it directly confronts my understanding. This is not the first time I need to reconsider my beliefs under God's Word light. For a 21st-century Christian, that means relying on texts that were written at least 2,000 years ago, also for matters as determining as whom can I sleep with or whom can (or can't) I marry. Not an easy task!

I am not married and hope to never be divorced, but in my church we deal with divorce and remarriage cases, and I'm certain I will be around many more. I sincerely appreciate the author's honest investigation of the historical and cultural context in which Judaism and Jesus' words on divorce and remarriage were expressed. God cannot contradict himself, so it seems fair to me to go on careful and detailed studies when we feel there are vague teachings -specially if we are drawn to apply them. Would not like to go out of step with God when I have to deal with people in such difficult situations. The thesis that a marriage is based on your vows and that we must pay the utmost attention to it, also when considering a divorce, seems to me consistently justified.

[Raymond · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book deals helpfully with many of the questions raised by divorce. Dr. Instone-Brewer tackles this head on and demolishes many of the traditions that have grown up around this God-ordained institution. He takes the time to explore and explain the cultural context of Christ's statements in Matthew. He also shows that the law given by Moses is the law given by God. Jesus endorses the law of Moses and is in agreement with it. Even Christian marriages may break down often after a long period of discord, pain and emotional distress yet without a clear understanding of what the Holy Bible says on the subject. David Instone-Brewer's book may give hope and encouragement to many sad saints who find themselves in these circumstances. In particular, he provides reasoned arguments to equip elders and pastors to enable them to help those who may be suffering as a result of relationship breakdown.

[Jacob O'connor · Rating 5 out of 5]

For my own reasons I've put some thought to what the Bible says about marriage. I've often found people are way too liberal or too strict about it. There is a sweet spot that Instone just misses. I absolutely recommend the book, though. If you're liberal minded about marriage, Instone may pull you closer to that sweet spot. If you're overly conservative about marriage, he'll give you some things to think about.

[Shelby · Rating 5 out of 5]

Clearly, the author did his research on divorce and remarriage in Scripture and in extrabiblical sources. I am extremely impressed with the overall content and structure of this book. He breaks down the misconceptions the Church has on divorce and remarriage and gently corrects with a TON of evidence. My brain is still reeling over the new information I absorbed. My favorite part was the ending (lol, bear with me) where the author shares various emails he has received from real-life people asking questions about their situations. He gives such objective advice that is laced with pastoral care.

Genuinely one of the clearest, most reason based book I've read on a specific topic covered in Scripture (not that I've read a ton, to be fair haha). Still, I highly recommend this. It's also short and easily digestible!

[Sara Jonsson · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mycket intressant och viktig forskning.

Både bibelnördig, logisk och själavårdande.

"Syftet med den här boken är inte att föra in en ny tolkning utan att gå tillbaka till en gammal tolkning av Skriften, alltså till den tolkning som gjordes av det första århundradets åhörare och läsare av Jesus och Paulus undervisning."

[Rick Davis · Rating 4 out of 5]

I completely agree with the main premise of the book, and appreciate the hard work and research that David Instone-Brewer put into his thesis. I don't know how convincing it will be to people who strongly hold opposing opinions, however, as many of them will be suspicious of scholarship in general.

Above all, the book is highly practical and, though I don't agree with every nuance throughout, I would be happy to recommend it to anyone who has been or is going through a divorce. It would also be good for pastors and church leadership to read. Someday, I'd like to take the time to read Instone-Brewer's academic book on the same subject, as I was acutely feeling the lack of footnotes.

3 1/2 stars

[Shiya · Rating 5 out of 5]

As I understand it, this is the generally accessible overview of Instone-Brewer's scholarly work "Divorce and Remarriage in the Bible" where he lays out in greater detail the support for this assertions in this book.
I found this book to be a much needed challenge to the one-dimentional "traditional" take on divorce and remarriage within the Christian community. I especially appreciate how he show's God's association with and care for those who are victims/survivors of neglect or abuse in marriage. These are words of healing for many hurting people.

[Charles Blumberg · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great explanation of the cultural context and meaning behind various texts in the bible regarding divorce. A must read for anyone who wants to understand the biblical context.

[Seán Mchugh · Rating 4 out of 5]

A really well written practical book which unlike many books of its nature gets to the point and make it’s point very effectively.

The point not being that an appeal to the church to embrace the need for divorce in a range of situations is not based on some post modern liberal progressive agenda but actually based on an appeal to the original common sense that was already enshrined in the ancient Scriptures.

The Bible allows only the victim to initiate divorce – that is, it allows them to decide when enough is enough and, if their partner remains unrepentant, to decide that the marriage is over. Jesus’ main complaint was that the Jews had abandoned this principle. They allowed a man to divorce his wife even when she hadn’t broken her vows, ie when he had no grounds for divorce. Paul similarly condemned a Graeco-Roman groundless divorce.

p22

The old Testament recognises for grounds for divorce. The first three are neglect of food, clothing and conjugal love (by either husband or wife) and the fourth is committing adultery.

P31
It is ironic that the new Testament, which emphasises God’s grace and forgiveness, is usually regarded as much harsher with regard to victims of marital abuse. The traditional interpretation assumes that Jesus introduced a new and stricter policy which overturned the Old Testament principle that a victim has the right to bring their suffering to an end. But if we examine Jesus’ attitude to the Old Testament we find that he had a very high regard for it, so we would not expect him to overturn one of its important moral principles.

[Matt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Great Introductory

Instone-Brewer has reduced his scholarly book on the same subject to this more popular level entry, and the effect has been helpful, even if one sometimes feels that he shaved too much detail away. This book will walk pastors, ministers, and church members through an easily understood framework within which to attempt a biblical practice of divorce and remarriage. Admittedly, those steeped in traditional understandings of this issue will be hard pressed to change their convictions soon upon reading this book. In my view, Instone-Brewer's conclusions require far too much data from the ancient world and far too many "assumptions" from the biblical authors themselves (see especially his treatment of what Jesus had to have been assuming about OT divorce law in Matt 19 and what Paul had to have been assuming about Roman divorce law in 1 Corinthians 7). Basically, his position leaves the impression that hardly anyone could have ever known the biblical teaching on divorce and remarriage without a thorough knowledge of divorce law for both Jews and Romans. However, I fully recommend the book. In spite of the necessary assumptions, he may, in fact, be right.

[Nan · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ebook very helpful!! Sadly this was written in 2003 and things still have not changed much in churches!! Churches in the USA still rarely have trained people in trauma, abuse and so on giving advice and counseling.

I do not agree that a person cannot separate for a time. Do they need a plan to help both parties get healing and change so maybe they can keep their marriage? Yes, they absolutely need this plan and both partners need to do their own work. If one does not want to then yes, time to call the death of the marriage.

I love the research done and explained in easy ways to understand.

But it still does not make me want to bring my situation before any church especially a southern church. This book still gives the church the power to review our situations and pass judgement. Hard pass. Also, I firmly believe in allowing for no fault divorces. Dragging everything through the secular courts is not wise and frowned upon in the Bible. If you really are in a terrible situation the last thing you want to do is have all this proof to present to several judging parties when your heart is broken. It doesn’t do you, your children or the soon to be ex spouse any favors.

Overall, I recommend this book and the life saving divorce by Gretchen Baskerville.

[Alice Gent · Rating 4 out of 5]

You often hear that when you are trying to make up your mind on a controversial topic its great to read the best arguments on both sides. This book argues really well for the position of divorce being allowed if the conditions of marital support, physical affection or sexual faithfulness are not met. That forgiveness should always be the response and divorce is a last option, only to be initiated by the guilty party when the partner is unrepentant. I really enjoyed this book (as much as one can on such a horribly sad topic) as it was very interesting and I learnt a lot. It was very convincing in many areas. I don't agree with everything said, and some of his points were a lot weaker than others, but would highly recommend this book, especially the first half, as a well argued and interesting read on this topic. Certainly helping me make up my own mind and position on the topic.

[Laura S · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is the most clear and best researched of all I have read regarding divorce and remarriage in the Church. I wish everyone in the Christian faith would read it regardless of their relationship status.

After all, who among us can either say they do not know someone who has been divorced or has gone through it themselves? This affects us all.

Resting on tradition, opinion, and poorly researched information has resulted in terrible consequences for many. Far too often, these faulty assumptions have led to judgmental attitudes within the Church. Instead of the community of God being a place of healing, more shame has been heaped on people who have already gone through so much.

A deeper understanding of cultural context and the original language used in scriptures regarding divorce and remarriage clears up misunderstandings and truly reflects the heart of God. I think Brewer has done a great service by writing this book!

[Sydney Weaver · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book has definitely offered a lot of perspective that I have not seen typically offered within church institutions and other settings. The author examines the Bible at length against the cultural context of when certain parts were authored, and he offers insight into laws and certificates of divorce that may have informed some of the text of the time.

Though hard to summarize in a succinct review all the points made in the book, it's definitely worth a read, and it is very thorough. 4/5 stars just because each chapter's pacing does make me feel like I will need to do a second read-through to fully understand all points made.

[Jeremy Martens · Rating 5 out of 5]

For those struggling within their marriage, or watching another marriage collapse from the sidelines, here is a biblically grounded work on how to triage and treat the wounded, with respect to the following questions.

“Can I divorce?”
“Can I remarry?”

In this clear and concise book, the author sets out the context of several key verses that make up a doctrine of divorce and remarriage. He shows how it can work, and perhaps even how it should work.

The book includes discussion questions and several real-life interactions with people wrestling with the above questions.

[Joseph · Rating 3 out of 5]

I’m still thinking through his thesis and conclusion. While Instone-Brewer definitely encourages couples to save the marriage if at all possible; however, he lists four grounds for divorce, adultery, withholding of food (and all that entails depending on the role), withholding of clothing (and all that entails depending on the role), and withholding of conjugal love.

I only see two grounds for divorce in WCF Chapter 24, so at this point I don't agree with Instone-Brewer.

[Kari Joly' Estill · Rating 5 out of 5]

The historical context that is used in this book sheds a bright light on the normal day to day in Israel with relation to some of the trickier verses in Scripture concerning divorce and marriage. It gives the modern reader better tools with which to interpret those verses and break away from oppressive doctrines.

[Dominic Venuso · Rating 4 out of 5]

As with his academic work, Intone-Brewer's argument from the Jewish sources must be considered. If he is right about the context within which to read the biblical evidence, there is a strong case for divorce and remarriage on the grounds of unrepentant violation of the basic marriage vows. Remarkably clear prose (scholars should always hire this editor for their popular works).

[William Barrick · Rating 5 out of 5]

Anyone desiring a detailed study of biblical teaching on divorce will find this book exhaustive and carefully interpreted. Every major biblical text receives scholarly analysis. Instone-Brewer handles every question or problem arising in the biblical text. His pastoral tone keeps the scholarly nature of his work warm, compassionate, and practical.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was an extremely helpful and easy to read summary of the heavier scholarly works on the topic of divorce and remarriage. Opened up my eyes to things I had never seen before and was really practical! I am going to dive deeper into some of the references he mentioned and I highly recommend this book to all Christians wanting a more full biblical understanding of this topic.

[Shari · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book takes a look at the Scriptures on the subject of divorce and remarriage looking through the eyes of 1st Century Christians. The Scriptures takes on a whole new meaning when we look at them through the culture they were written to. Excellent resource!

[Afolake Arowolo · Rating 5 out of 5]

A liberating book


Indeed, when you know the truth, you will be set free. John 8:32

I hope and pray that the body of Christ could use the book coupled with the bible and guidance of the Holy Spirit to help God's children in destructive marriages.

[Jerry Mahn · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book! The author asks the important question, What did the original readers or hearers hear in Jesus' and Paul's teaching? And how does that apply to believers today? Very well researched, Instone-Brewer does very good theology in this important work.

[Ed Green · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent work dealing with the challenges of wrestling with divorce in the church. Very faithful to biblical teaching, especially with regard to the OT and then how Jesus and Paul handle it.

[En Yi WEI · Rating 4 out of 5]

Review found on Amazon