Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition

by Andrew Holecek

We all face death, but how many of us are actually ready for it? Whether our own death or that of a loved one comes first, how prepared are we, spiritually or practically? In Preparing to Die, Andrew Holecek presents a wide array of resources to help the reader address this unfinished business.

Part One shows how to prepare one’s mind and how to help others, before, during, and after death. The author explains how spiritual preparation for death can completely transform our relationship to the end of life, dissolving our fear and helping us to feel open and receptive to letting go in the dying process. Daily meditation practices, the stages of dying and how to work with them, and after-death experiences are all detailed in ways that will be particularly helpful for those with an interest in Tibetan Buddhism and in Tibetan approaches to conscious dying.

Part Two addresses the practical issues that surround death. Experts in grief, hospice, the funeral business, and the medical and legal issues of death contribute chapters to prepare the reader for every practical concern, including advance directives, green funerals, the signs of death, warnings about the funeral industry, the stages of grief, and practical care for the dying.

Part Three contains heart-advice from twenty of the best-known Tibetan Buddhist masters now teaching in the West. These brief interviews provide words of solace and wisdom to guide the dying and their caregivers during this challenging time. Preparing to Die is for anyone interested in learning how to prepare for death from a Buddhist perspective, both spiritually and practically. It is also for those who want to learn how to help someone else who is dying, both during the time of illness and death as well as after death.

Genres: Buddhism, Death, Spirituality, Nonfiction, Religion

433 pages, Kindle Edition

First published July 9, 2013

About the author

Andrew Holecek has completed the traditional three-year Buddhist meditation retreat and offers seminars internationally on meditation, dream yoga, and death.

His work has appeared in Parobla, Shambhala Sun, Tricycle, Utne Reader, and other periodicals. He is the author of The Power and the Pain: Transforming Spiritual Hardship into Joy; Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Perspective; Meditation in the iGeneration; How to Meditate in a World of Speed and Stress, and the audio learning course Dream Yoga: The Tibetan Path of Awakening Through Lucid Dreaming.

Andrew holds degrees in classical music, physics, and a doctorate in dental surgery. He lives in Lafayette, Colorado.

He is also the co-founder of Global Dental Relief, and travels each year to India and Nepal to provide free care to impoverished children. http://globaldentalrelief.org/

Reviews

[Mary Fahrenfort · Rating 5 out of 5]

For more than 30 years I have pursued books about death and dying with great interest - my shelf is full of them. This one is by far the best I have ever read, especially because it combines the deep insights Buddhism has to offer, with a lot of simple, practical and concise advice. This makes it almost a must-read and must-study for everyone - aren't we all going to die? Sögyal Rinpoche's world-famous bestseller is mainly about the Buddhist view - but this book is of use to everyone who has to look death in the face - whether their own, or of a loved one, and whatever their religion.

[Gijs Limonard · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid 4 stars; a modern take on the 'ars moriendi' tradition; the author succeeds in combining the philosophical aspects of dying with copious amounts of no-nonsense practical nuts-and-bolts pointers; recommended reading/listening (audible format is excellent); on the subject be sure to check out; How We Die: Reflections of Life's Final Chapter and the magisterial The Five Invitations: Discovering What Death Can Teach Us About Living Fully.

[Judith · Rating 3 out of 5]

Of several books I've read or read partly, so far, on how to prepare for dying -- mentally and spiritually, the final days and the final breath, not the paperwork --this is the most specific and spirit-oriented. However, it made me more afraid of the process of dying than ever. So much that I had to stop reading it. I bought it, so I'll probably try it again, but it is quite overwhelming.

I also don't know how authentic it is. I have read both the supposedly most-accurate translation as well as a for-Westerners translation of the Tibetan Book of the Dead, and I know a little about various Buddhist beliefs and traditions. It seems to be consistent yet way, way beyond that. A whole lot of detailed exercises or practices to adopt to be ready for the moment that death comes.

What it said has made me afraid of accepting any pain-killing medicines or relief for inability to breathe as I die, because the book emphasizes that it's imperative to be totally lucid at the moment of death and aware that you are dying, are now dead, because you have only a moment to glimpse true reality and affect what happens to your spirit or essence then and, if you're reincarnated, in what way, what as, to what kind of life. Isn't that enough to scare anybody?

So I'm now reading MIND BEYOND DEATH https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/5..., a related book that isn't so overwhelming and terrifying. But I'm not into the core of it yet, so that assessment might change.

If anyone who is Tibetan Buddhist and has read this book reads this review, I'd very much welcome your thoughts about the book as well as its accuracy about Tibetan Buddhist beliefs and practices related to dying and death.

[Grace B · Rating 5 out of 5]

The topic of death and dying shouldn't be taboo. Everybody's going to depart from this earthly plane sooner or later, no matter how hard we try to prevent or postpone it. Since we're not the keepers of time, it'd be slightly arrogant to think and behave like we have all the time in the world. Mend your relationships, take care of your earthly matters, and do your best to ease those who you'll leave behind.

The book gives guidance for all aspects related to death - how to prepare and deal with the afterlife (from the Buddhist point of view), what you can do to comfort a dying person, what you can do to ease your process or that of your loved ones, how to deal with grief and not lose hope. And many more.

None of these are easy topics, but we don't need to make them even harder by living in denial. Do your best, live in light, release the unnecessary. And since we don't know if death will come knocking on our door today, tomorrow, or after decades, we should keep up with that each and every day.

[B · Rating 2 out of 5]

Attended a course also of Andrew's. Some useful I guess but Andrew is not a mystic/ highly realized type, and so the approach and info is more that from a left brained american intellectual male. I was honestly turned off by the many references to his teachers/ 'Rinpoches' who are well known to have abused women and others terribly for decades (he has stated and joked that he does not understand why this is a problem). I saw this happen and most current authors/ teachers were there (and did nothing and usually enabled it), only a handful started speaking out in the past 3 years when it became cool/ acceptable to do so. So one has to ask if that is dharma? Who is a dharma teacher? It's a shame that so much of the death and dying courses and books at the moment coming from tibetan buddhism are coming from people directly or indirectly involved in these terrible crimes. Sad for the situation of american dharma, painful for women. Yet these men have held the knowledge. If you are a higher level/ more realized practitioner, please be aware that some info/ answers here might not be what you would be given if you approached a true Master yourself.. you could even be given the exact opposite advice. If you want to help/ save the dharma right now on this planet, support the amazing nuns.

[Carole · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very valuable reference book, but I found it difficult to read consistently. This may have been that I am very familiar with many of the topics and authors that are quoted in sections of the book, and perhaps because I have been recently saturated in death and dying material. For a Buddhist, this book offers both practical advice and spiritual advice, and deals nicely with issues that are often really not dealt with in other books. Andrew is an excellent writer and teacher and unbelievably knowledgeable. It is necessary to pick and choose what you take from this book, but the resource is fabulous.

[Trish Perdue · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5
A very odd mix of esoteric and extremely practical

[Chris Scott]

Very technical and esoteric, probably not of much interest to anyone not already steeped in Tibetan Buddhism. But still pretty interesting.

[Juan Rivera · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the issues that, although we are all going to live them, we never want to discuss is the issue of death.

I believe that one of the richest traditions regarding the subject of death is Tibetan Buddhism. The book “Preparing to Die: Practical Advice and Spiritual Wisdom from the Tibetan Buddhist Tradition” by Andrew Holecek talks about three fundamental themes:

What to do before death, how to prepare for it?
What to do during death?
What to do after death?

And all from two points of view: the one who is dying and the one who accompanies him.

The book covers not only these topics, but many practical topics for dealing with death in our day.

Maybe it is not a literary work but it is a book that changed my perspective of how to live from today and be better prepared for my death tomorrow.

[Simone · Rating 4 out of 5]

Great book that brings structure to a moment where we feel so unstructured, either when facing the own mortality or of someone we love.

The spiritual teachings are valuable, by their concept, even if mentioning rituals and traditions that are strongly tied to Buddhism or even tied to societal norms from old times.

The practical guides are practical and one will find them useful even when not living in the country where the author lives.

The practical guides contradict the entire detachment preached on the spiritual part. The excessive need of control on one’s possessions and who will inherit them is by itself a form of attachment.

[L L · Rating 5 out of 5]

Not the somber depressing book you’d think by its title. By accepting death, we can become most full of life. This shares a lot of those lessons and I’m really glad to have read it when I also inevitably have to support those I love through their own deaths. So much great info and spiritual perspective about moving out of the body and into the next phase.

[Jodell · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book because it explained to you that you do not have to do things they way your told. Since funerals are used as a way of extorting money from people who usually are not prepared afford it. The book explains how you don't have to buy a casket from a funeral home who doubles the price. You can even transport a body on your own and bury your loved one where you want.

I like that the book tells you what to say and not say to a loved one who is passing and also lets you know that you don't have to say anyting just be present.