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Why Can't We Talk? Christian Wisdom on Dialogue as a Habit of the Heart
This highly readable and timely guide to engaging dialogue as a habit of the heart prepares you to approach your adversaries with curiosity, civility and compassion.
“In an accessible style with plenty of examples ... this practical book will be very useful for study groups, church retreats and Christians of all kinds who want to be peacemakers in their personal, work and political relationships.”
—Robert R. Stains, Jr., senior vice president, Public Conversations Project
“Offers a persuasive apologetic for cultivating the soul-force necessary for dialogue. Discover a deeper connection to God and other in exploring the differences in your life—the world needs your willingness to risk learning from ‘opponents.’”
—The Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori, presiding bishop of The Episcopal Church; author, Gathering at God’s Table: The Meaning of Mission in the Feast of Faith
“A refreshingly personal and engaging view of dialogue.... By sharing his journey, he encourages readers to consider their own.”
—Cassandra Dahnke, co-founder, The Institute for Civility in Government, co-author, Reclaiming Civility in the Public Square—10 Rules That Work
“In a culture that seems more starkly divided by the day, [this book] helps us stop, take a deep spiritual breath and regain our bearings with God. Engaging wisdom and enlightening practices ... show us the way forward together.”
—The Rev. Peter Wallace, host of Day1; author, The Passionate Jesus: What We Can Learn from Jesus about Love, Fear, Grief, Joy and Living Authentically
“A breath of fresh air. This book has the power to change the way we relate to others, from personal relationships to global politics. I look forward to using it in parish settings, couples counseling and adult education. Humble, self-reflective, challenging—a great text!”
—Carolyne Call, author, Spiritually Healthy Divorce: Navigating Disruption with Insight and Hope
“In a time when we are losing the ability to speak and listen to each other, this book gives us a deeper understanding of the process of dialogue along with the tools to use it. Backman’s theological sensibility provides a strong foundation for moving us out of the imprisonment of polarization.”
—Pastor Donald Mackenzie, coauthor, Getting to the Heart of Interfaith: The Eye-Opening, Hope-Filled Friendship of a Pastor, a Rabbi and an Imam and Religion Gone Astray: What We Found at the Heart of Interfaith
“In an accessible style with plenty of examples ... this practical book will be very useful for study groups, church retreats and Christians of all kinds who want to be peacemakers in their personal, work and political relationships.”
—Robert R. Stains, Jr., senior vice president, Public Conversations Project
“Offers a persuasive apologetic for cultivating the soul-force necessary for dialogue. Discover a deeper connection to God and other in exploring the differences in your life—the world needs your willingness to risk learning from ‘opponents.’”
—The Most Rev. Katharine Jefferts Schori, presiding bishop of The Episcopal Church; author, Gathering at God’s Table: The Meaning of Mission in the Feast of Faith
“A refreshingly personal and engaging view of dialogue.... By sharing his journey, he encourages readers to consider their own.”
—Cassandra Dahnke, co-founder, The Institute for Civility in Government, co-author, Reclaiming Civility in the Public Square—10 Rules That Work
“In a culture that seems more starkly divided by the day, [this book] helps us stop, take a deep spiritual breath and regain our bearings with God. Engaging wisdom and enlightening practices ... show us the way forward together.”
—The Rev. Peter Wallace, host of Day1; author, The Passionate Jesus: What We Can Learn from Jesus about Love, Fear, Grief, Joy and Living Authentically
“A breath of fresh air. This book has the power to change the way we relate to others, from personal relationships to global politics. I look forward to using it in parish settings, couples counseling and adult education. Humble, self-reflective, challenging—a great text!”
—Carolyne Call, author, Spiritually Healthy Divorce: Navigating Disruption with Insight and Hope
“In a time when we are losing the ability to speak and listen to each other, this book gives us a deeper understanding of the process of dialogue along with the tools to use it. Backman’s theological sensibility provides a strong foundation for moving us out of the imprisonment of polarization.”
—Pastor Donald Mackenzie, coauthor, Getting to the Heart of Interfaith: The Eye-Opening, Hope-Filled Friendship of a Pastor, a Rabbi and an Imam and Religion Gone Astray: What We Found at the Heart of Interfaith
- GenresNonfictionChristian
176 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 12, 2012
3 people are currently reading
32 people want to read
About the author
John Backman
1 book2 followersA spiritual director, contributor to Huffington Post Religion, and associate of an Episcopal monastery, John Backman writes and speaks about contemplative spirituality and its surprising relevance for today’s deepest issues. He authored
Why Can’t We Talk? Christian Wisdom on Dialogue as a Habit of the Heart
(SkyLight Paths) and his articles have appeared in numerous faith-based publications. He has presented at a range of conferences, including the Parliament of the World’s Religions.
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Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews
August 19, 2013
It’s a book that changes the way we engage with one another – particularly in the places where we vehemently disagree.
Instead of approaching dialogue as a means to an end (agreement on an issue, a changed viewpoint, or even common ground), John explores it as a spiritual practice. Dialogue becomes a way to love and value one another. A way to do the long, hard work of peacemaking that Jesus calls us into.
Rather than focusing on techniques for “productive” dialogue, John focuses on our hearts. He reminds us that we are not defined by our opinions or perspectives, but rather by our “identity as image bearers of God.” And that when we remember this about ourselves, it’s easier to see that it’s true of others – even those who most frustrate and confound us.
In his book, John advocates for being careful with our language, for persisting with people we find difficult, for choosing to suspend judgment and instead ask questions like “what if?” He redefines humility and honors the statement, “I don’t know.”
And it gave me hope, reading this book. We can choose not to give up on each other. We can choose love over anger, and we can keep talking, keep working it out. These schisms that we’ve created don’t have to be the last word on the subject. Love can be the last word.
Because, really, when it comes down to it, Christianity is not really about knowing all the right things. It’s not about winning a debate. It’s not up to us to convince anyone of anything. Our real work is to come again and again to the Love of God. To let that love flow through us into this broken world.
Instead of approaching dialogue as a means to an end (agreement on an issue, a changed viewpoint, or even common ground), John explores it as a spiritual practice. Dialogue becomes a way to love and value one another. A way to do the long, hard work of peacemaking that Jesus calls us into.
Rather than focusing on techniques for “productive” dialogue, John focuses on our hearts. He reminds us that we are not defined by our opinions or perspectives, but rather by our “identity as image bearers of God.” And that when we remember this about ourselves, it’s easier to see that it’s true of others – even those who most frustrate and confound us.
In his book, John advocates for being careful with our language, for persisting with people we find difficult, for choosing to suspend judgment and instead ask questions like “what if?” He redefines humility and honors the statement, “I don’t know.”
And it gave me hope, reading this book. We can choose not to give up on each other. We can choose love over anger, and we can keep talking, keep working it out. These schisms that we’ve created don’t have to be the last word on the subject. Love can be the last word.
Because, really, when it comes down to it, Christianity is not really about knowing all the right things. It’s not about winning a debate. It’s not up to us to convince anyone of anything. Our real work is to come again and again to the Love of God. To let that love flow through us into this broken world.
June 27, 2019
It’s pretty boring in my personal opinion. There are better books written on this topic.
March 22, 2013
This is a very accessible book about the importance of engaging in true dialogue. The author, who I got to meet on a book tour in Taunton, provides useful tips for ending the poisonous debate and entrenchment that has gripped our political and social conversations. I was inspired to look at my own speech and make a better effort to understand others rather than insist that they understand me.
February 20, 2015
Great insights on how to engage more graciously, lovingly, and openly with others, especially when you disagree with them.
June 28, 2018
Strong exposition of the value of dialogue and how to cultivate it. Informative. Insightful. Inspiring.
Displaying 1 - 5 of 5 reviews