Stop thinking start living by Richard Carlson. Originally published as You can feel good again, in 1993.
P 16. Unhappiness is the feeling that accompanies your negative thinking about your life in the absence of that thinking the unhappiness can't exist. There is nothing to hold your negative feelings in place other than your thinking.
Without thoughts there is no fuel to throw on the fire, there is nothing to foster the predisposition or physiological components into reality.
Some people simply don't experience unhappiness regardless of how serious their circumstances appear to be. They make the best out of the situation they are in. There are other people who have every reason to feel happiness and contentment , people who are often tormented by depression rather than appreciating what they have they focus on what they would rather have depression. rather than appreciating what they have they focus on what they would rather have.
P 18. Well a natural events such as an argument with a friend can last a minute or two your mind can recreate that very event, magnify it, and make it last three hours – or entire lifetime.
P 19 if you can begin to see that your thoughts are not the real thing – they are just thoughts and thosethoughts they can't hurt you– Your entire life will begin to change
P 21 being upset by your own thoughts similar to writing yourself a nasty letter , and then being offended by that letter.
P 22. You can frighten all depressed yourself with your own thinking in a matter of seconds if you don't realise that you're doing it. A thought may cross your mind, eg i've been depressed so long, or, my marriage is no good , you can dismiss those thoughts and others like them you can let them go. As long as you know that you are in charge that you are the one doing the thinking then you are protected. it's no different than dreaming.
P.23. Everyone has their share of negative and self-defeating thoughts. The question to ask yourself is, how seriously do I really have to take them? Your thoughts have no power other than that what you give them.
P 25.happy people understand that the name of the game is to enjoy life rather than to think about it. Happy people are so immersed in the process of life absorbed in what they are doing at the moment, but they really stop to analyse how they are doing. Observe a room full of preschool children. The reason they are having such a good time is because all of their energy is directed towards enjoyment. They are immersed in whatever they happen to be doing;they are not keeping score.
If you're constantly analysing or keeping score of your life, you will always be able to find fault whatever you are doing. After all, who could not improve? Many people even pride themselves on their ability to be on the lookout for what's wrong. But once again you will be at the mercy of your own thinking. One thought would lead to another.
P 26. True happiness occurs when you quiet down your analytical mind, when you give it to rest.
Once you realise that your thinking is what creates your experience of life, including your depression, analysing your life will lose its appeal. You will prefer simply to do the best that you possibly can in any given moment and pay attention to enjoying what you're doing, knowing that you can always do better.
P 27. There is a fundamental law at work here: Thoughts grow with attention. The more attention you gave to what you're thinking, the bigger the book becomes in your mind and the more important that thought will seem.
P 30. You cannot think your way out of depression. The reason is when your spirits are low you will generate negative thoughts. All you will see is negativity. You already know that your thoughts determine how you feel, but when you think in a depressed state of mind you will only make matters worse.
P 33. Your self-image and personality are a compilation of thoughts that you have about yourself, some of which may be negative. If you have never learned to take seriously negative thoughts about yourself, you would not experience the feelings that go along with them today. Your thoughts have no power to harm you other than the power you give them.
Unfortunately if you're not taught that the thoughts you have about yourself are just thoughts, you will start to believe that they describe the way you really are. The more you believe your own thinking, the more obscured your healthy functioning becomes.
P 46. It's surprising how little control you have over which thoughts enter your mind to begin with. It's as if thoughts just appear in your mind almost randomly. Your power or control over your own thinking begins after the formation of the thought. It is after you have a thought that you have the choice of continuing to think about it or let it drift away. Thoughts in and of themselves have no power to hurt you.
P 49. Once a person learns that the secret of mental health is the dismissal of negative thoughts, he is free to experience mental health regularly. The passage of time has no real relevance in helping us to get over something other than encouraging us to think about things besides whatever is bothering us.
P 57. Your past is now only a figment of your imagination, and so is your future. The only moment that is real is right now. As you recognise the powerful part that you're thinking plays in creating your experience you begin to realise that life is not responsible for your happiness or unhappiness, your thoughts are. This is a powerful insight because it suggests but you alone are capable of changing your own life.
The way you feel is determined by your thoughts. The more attention you put on anything that is negative, the worse you will feel.
P.66. It takes a very strong and wise person to distrust his own thinking.
P 67. The concept of ego is very closely related to that of a thought system. Both our thought-created. The truth is that human beings don't even have egos – there is no such thing. People only have egos because they think they do. Your ego is your idea or thoughts about who you are. The popular notion that people need an ego to live and succeed in life is untrue. As we let go of our thoughts of who we are, our insecurity begins to lift. It is then that we can begin to live outside our thought system or ego.
We begin to notice that we feel the happiest when we think about ourselves the least often.
P 68. If you drop the idea about yourself that you are shy person, you might find that you really do like to communicate with other people. A client of mine recently decided to do just that, and has just planned the first party they have ever hosted. If you begin to ignore thoughts you have about what you like and don't like, you might be willing to try new things. It all starts with the willingness to see yourself as more than what you have defined yourself to be.
Fred had never been told that his own thoughts were shaping his view of himself and his attitude towards life. His earlier therapy had convinced him that he was a victim of depression, which he would have to fight for the rest of his life. The more he thought about depression the worse he felt, which only convinced him and his therapist that the original diagnosis was correct. In our sessions together he learned how his thoughts shaped his perceptions and lead to his feelings. He came to the conclusion that he had been fighting an impossible battle. How could I ever feel better, he asked, while believing my thoughts about myself as a chronically depressed person? He realised that he had been trapped within the confines of his own thinking, that he was attempting to use that same thinking to get away from his depression. He realised that he had been using his own thinking against himself his entire lifetime and had rarely questioned his beliefs. He realised that he had unknowingly lived his life completely absorbed in the content of his own thoughts.
P 95. What makes understanding moods so difficult is that every time you are alone you will feel justified and certain that the way you are feeling is appropriate and necessary. You will feel a sense of urgency and self righteousness and you will want so badly to believe in what you are thinking. The only way out is to see the absolute absurdity of believing in what you are thinking and feeling when you are low, and then making a commitment to ignore your own thoughts whenever you find yourself in such a state. You must understand that your thoughts in the low feeling state are not worth paying attention to. They can only hurt you since they contain only gross distortions.
97. When you are in a low mood your thoughts are going to be negative, insecure and pessimistic. Your life and everything it will look bad. You will always be able to come up with many reasons why you feel so bad and theories to support and justify your misery. No matter what you come up with, regardless of how accurate you are, or how bad things look, it can only hurt you. Because the reasons themselves, the thinking about it, fuel the low mood. Without the reason , the mood would pass on its own.
100. I taught them to be compassionate towards themselves and not to take themselves seriously when they were trapped in low moods.
101. If you believe that your thinking is something that happens to you – instead of something that you are doing to create an experience of life – it is impossible for you to live in the present moment. If you feel that you must follow trains of thought as they enter your mind, you will be unable to remain in the present.
104. A genuinely happy person knows that life is nothing more than a constant series of present moments to be experienced. He sees the past for what it was able to teach him about how to live more in the now, and the future as more present moments to be experienced when they eventually arrive. Happy people strive to be fully with the person they are with, to be involved with whatever they are doing without thinking too much about the future or the past. They strive to experience each moment of their lives to its fullest. Many reports that they feel most immersed in the present moment when they arrive they are playing with the watch and children.
P115. Healthy functioning versus analytical mind.
Living moment to moment vs. living in the past or future.
Focus is on enjoyment, versus focus is on how life could be improved.
Mind is clear and free. Versus mind is full of worry and concern. Seeing the innocence versus seeing the evil Focusing on the beauty of life versus focusing on the ugliness Happy with what is, versus obsessed with what could be better.
Experiencing life versus organising life. Letting go, versus hanging on Focusing on what you can do versus focusing on what you cannot do Learning from mistakes going on, vs. dwelling on mistakes and repeating them.
Open and accepting versus closed and prejudiced.
120. You tend to believe whatever you think. True freedom comes when you begin to distrust your thought-created version of life.
126. Mental problems and unhappiness are the result of an individual becoming overly absorbed by the content of his own negative thinking, while at the same time being unaware that he is thinking. Each time this occurs, the individual will be at the mercy of the specific content of his own thinking. If his thinking is negative, so too will be the feelings he experiences. However because he's unaware that he is the producer of those feelings via his own thinking, he will place the blame for those feelings on external sources rather than on the negative thinking itself, which originates within himself.
134. It's always the thoughts you have about events, not events themselves that create the feelings you experience, your thoughts cannot hurt you as long as you remember that you are the thinker of your own thoughts and that your thoughts are creating the feelings you are experiencing. As long as you let these thoughts come and go, there effect on you will be minimal.
A feeling is a state of mind that comes about by keeping thoughts at the front of your mind. Any time you hold onto or dwell on a thought, be it positive or negative, you shift from a state of passing thoughts, which have no potential harm to you, to a state of mind or 'feeling state' which does have the potential to harm you.
If we let them simmer in our minds, thoughts will create the feelings we experience.
136. The good news is that because feeling states stem from your own thoughts, you can learn to have control over the feeling state you are in by learning to dismiss negative thoughts as they enter your mind.
When you aren't feeling emotionally well, your mind, in an attempt to explain its predicament, attaches itself to something tangible. So rather than just allowing yourself simply to feel bad , knowing that your negative feelings came from your own thoughts, your mind searches for a more sophisticated explanation. I feel bad because my life is no good, or I feel bad because I am sick, become the so-called reasons for our misery. Reasons we come up with seem to us , and to everyone else, to make complete sense. We think about the reasons frequently, we talk to others about the reasons, and so forth. We do this without realising that although we are searching for a solution to our problems, what we are really doing is making ourselves feel worse by finding explanations for our unhappiness. Once you know that the reasons you come up with Are not the cause of your misery – but that your mind's reaction to those reasons is – you can't help but feel better.
P137. The mind is very persistent in its efforts to explain why we feel bad. If the thought the reason I'm unhappy is that I have the wrong mate, does not help, the mind tries again, the reason I'm unhappy is that I had a terrible childhood. The mind will search and search, when in fact the right answer is always the same. It's your thoughts about events – not the events themselves – that make them seem painful.
If your painful thoughts can come and go, all events can be looked at with the same perspective and understanding.
No one likes pain and suffering and no one wants to feel bad. The difference between a person who can experience painful events in their life in a healthy way, meaning they get through painful events gracefully, and those who become immobilised by similar events has to do with their relationship to their own thoughts. The question is can you have thoughts, even negative ones, and let them pass? Or do you hold onto your thoughts, interfering with the natural flow and rhythm of your thoughts, to the point of letting your thoughts hurt your emotional life?
P142. Even a support group or therapist has intentions of purely good, they can potentially harm by encouraging one to think about and talk about one's thoughts, as if those thoughts had a life of their own.
P149. The quality of your life is determined solely by the relationship you have to your own thinking.
Don't make the mistake of attaching unlikely conditions to your happiness, such as, I can only be happy if my illness disappears. Happiness cannot occur when we place its source outside ourselves. If we assume that certain conditions must be met before we can feel contentment, we are too late to experience it.
P155. If there is one certainty in life it is this: when your spirits are low, your wisdom and common sense fly out of the window. You simply aren't at your best and you don't see you life clearly when you're feeling low. Since your feelings follow your thoughts, the more attention you put on a problem, the worse you will feel and the less wisdom you will have access to.
Einstein once said, "the solution to a problem will never come about from the same level of understanding that created the problem in the first place". In other words, dwelling on problems will not help us overcome them, because we will be unable to see the answer we need. Solutions are found, when we see things in a new and fresh way, when we allow the wisdom that comes from a quiet mind to take over. As ironic and simplistic as it may seem, you need to stop thinking about a problem in order to see a new solution. As your mind clears of your concerns, answers will occur to you that were covered up by your thoughts of the problem. Wisdom is nothing more than seeing the same old problems in a new and fresh way.
All thoughts grow with attention, and problems are no exception to this rule.
P159. This knowledge can shield you, to a large extent, from being devastated by the painful aspects you will face in your life. If you're grounded in the truth that life truly will look better soon, you can begin to move back to the original premise which is that your thinking is responsible for your own happiness. You may not always be able to change your circumstances, but you always have at least some control over your thinking.
P168. Circumstances don't make a person, they reveal him. Your life doesn't make you feel bad, you're thinking does.
Your attitude towards life and your beliefs about life originate within you. The way you look at life is not something that happens to you, it's something that you make up, moment by moment, as you move through life. At any moment in your life you can decide to change your attitude. Your attitude is made up of one thing only – your own thoughts. Change them, and your world will change.
P171. Things can go wrong and it's important to be prepared. It's impossible for anyone to feel good when they fill their head with negativity. One of the most important principles in this book is that you feel the way you do because of the thoughts you are having.
P172. When you find yourself saying something like 'I'll be happy someday' or 'I hope to be happy someday', what's your really saying is, some day I hope to be able to take my attention off my problems, concerns, negativity, and put it on a nice feeling, the feeling of love.
It's going to take practice. You are simply going to have to stop postponing what it takes to be happy. Sooner or later you will have to take that leap of faith and say to yourself, okay my life may not be perfect, but there is never going to be a better time for me to put my attention where it needs to be.
P174. Unhappy people don't see their thoughts as thoughts, they see them as reality, as important. They rarely ignore the thoughts that bring them down, but instead analyse or study them, thus giving them additional life, and making them seem even more formidable and important than they really are.
P177. As you have seen, the relationship you have with your own thinking is the most significant factor in determining the quality of your life. This is because your thinking directs the