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The P45 Diaries

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MEET JAY:

"My name is Jay Golden and the reason I've started a diary is so that researchers will be able to piece together my early life when I'm a famous celebrity. It will help them get their facts straight and stop them having to rely on potentially corrupting sources such as Big Al from Big Al's Golden Delicious Doner Kebabs and dad who thinks I'm a prat. Following the triumph of my novel (“It Purred. Golden is a genius.”) I will give one interview to Melvyn Bragg at Quaglinos over seafood marinere and caramelised squid then disappear into obscurity to become a hermit like JD Salinger."


Jay is 18 and keeps a diary better than he keeps any job. His countless sackings and relentless taunting of his father’s BBC celebrity friends mix with the emotions of a family adjusting to loss. Desperate for literary fame, and unable to accept that a man with as many UCCA points as he has, must now show “hustle” in the lobby area of Chesham McDonalds, Jay dreams of running away to Africa to dig water wells, of becoming a freedom-fighter in Syria and of making it so big in the lawnmower business he owns a kidney-bean shaped swimming pool full of bunny girls. But first he has to get off his arse and stop watching Countdown in his pyjamas. In short he has to grow up. As poignant as it is funny, stand back to hear Jay’s unique insights on life, love and the correct amount of lettuce to apply to a McChicken sandwich.

. This book was previously published as The Lawnmower Celebrity.



295 pages, Kindle Edition

First published November 27, 2013

20 people are currently reading
149 people want to read

About the author

Ben Hatch

11 books52 followers
Ben Hatch's latest novel is called THE P45 DIARIES: How To Get Sacked From Every Job in Britain. Currently being developed as a BBC sitcom, and a former BBC Radio 4 Book of The Year, it was previously titled The Lawnmower Celebrity and is based loosely on Ben's woeful experiences of his teens and 20s when his dad thought he was an oaf.
Ben was born in London and grew up there, in Manchester and also in Buckinghamshire, where he lived in a windmill that meant he was called Windy Miller at school for years, though he's not been scarred by this experience at all. He now lives in Brighton with his tiny wife Dinah, and two children, in a normal house. He likes cheese and is balding although he disguises this fact by spiking his hair to a great height to distract people he wishes to impress.
Ben (who is actually writing this and pretending to be someone else)has written for The Guardian, The Times, The Daily Telegraph, The Daily Mail and The Daily Express among other newspapers. Previously he wrote ROAD TO ROUEN: A 10,000 Mile Journey In A Cheese-filled Passat that was a Number One bestseller and ARE WE NEARLY THERE YET? 8,000 Miles Round Britain In A Vauxhall Astra, a BBC Radio 2 Book of the Year, and also a Number One bestseller. It is also under developed as a film by Island Pictures.
Ben is the tallest Hatch who ever lived (5ft 9in) and is the son of Sir David Hatch, the radio performer and producer whose shadow Ben doesn't at all feel under. He also maintains that he knows the cure for the common cold (tweet him at @BenHatch to find this out) and that one of his relatives was John Couch-Adams who discovered the planet Neptune. Apparently, his aunty told him.

Many years ago his novel the International Gooseberry was published by Orion. It was about a hapless backpacker with a huge ungovernable toenail. It was described as "hysterical and surprisingly sad" by the Daily Express. Ben Hatch was on the long-list of Granta's 2003 list of the most promising 20 young authors in the UK, but missed out on final inclusion possibly because of the toenail stuff. In association with his wife Dinah, he has also written three guidebooks for Frommer's.

You can visit Ben Hatch at https://www.facebook.com/BenHatchAuthor although his page is a bit rubbish.

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Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews
Profile Image for P. Christopher Colter.
86 reviews4 followers
September 2, 2016
The P45 Diaries by Ben Hatch is a revised version of his novel The Lawnmower Celebrity, originally released some years ago. A P45 is an unemployment form in Britain I am told, and Jay, Hatch's protagonist, has plenty of experience with joblessness. 18 years old, having just lost his mother to cancer and utterly lacking in direction, Jay's current situation is a series of false starts and disappointments. He struggles to get some traction in his life, but just seems able to do so. One job after another is won and then soon lost, often as the result of Jay's humorous but ultimately self-destructive behavior. His perspective that everything seems so phony is very reminiscent of Holden Caulfield's in Catcher in the Rye, which Hatch makes no attempt to hide. Jay's gruff but loving father employs the "tough love" approach, but Jay rebels against it. His girlfriend Gemma nudges Jay more gently, but has to watch out for her own well-being at the same time, causing friction in their relationship. His other friends and family are also dealing with struggles of their own, and are unable to adequately give Jay the support he needs. Jay's one guiding star is that he wants to write for a living, but jumping on the moving train that is a writing career is predictably difficult. In the end, Jay needs to steel himself and take a big risk to actually start moving forward in his life.

As other reviewers have undoubtedly remarked, The P45 Diaries alternates between hysterical and tearjerking. While Jay's character is endearing and his actions are undoubtedly funny, there are many times the reader just wants to reach into the pages and shake some sense into him. Anyone who has been trying to follow a dream in the face of internal struggles and a world seemingly arrayed against him or her will be able to relate to Jay.

Ben Hatch hasn't really broken onto the American literary scene yet, which is a shame. If you are unfamiliar with him, you really should get to know his work. In addition to The P45 Diaries, he has also published two nonfiction works: Are We Nearly There Yet? and Road to Rouen, which chronicle travels with his young family throughout Britain and France, respectively. He also has a highly engaging Twitter account. Ben never fails to make me both laugh and think. He is definitely one to watch.
Profile Image for Debbie Young.
Author 44 books274 followers
November 30, 2013
Peppered with the laugh-out-loud, slightly anti-establishment humour and characterised by the easy prose that will be familiar to those who have read Ben Hatch's memoirs of travels with his wife and children, this novel is not as different from those books as might be expected. As I noted in my reviews of "Road to Rouen" and "Are We Nearly There Yet?", those books also have at their heart important themes of family relationships, love and loss, lurking beneath observational humour and banter.

"The P45 Diaries" (a much better title, incidentally, than that of the earlier edition of this book, "The Lawnmower Celebrity") starts out in Adrian-Mole or Mr Pooter tradition as the diary of Jay, an 18 year old middle-class son of an important BBC TV executive. It's soon clear that this is not going to be pure comedy when it's revealed that his lovely mum has recently died relatively young of cancer. Despite her careful preparation of the rest of the family for coping with out her, e.g. lessons in how to use the microwave, neither Jay, his dad, or his siblings are coping well.

Being an 18 year old with no clear idea of where he's heading is hard enough without a crisis of that kind, and the reader slowly realises that Jay is going into meltdown, risking serious rifts with his family and friends, and jeopardising his dad's high-powered career that pays for Jay's own failure to hold down even the most menial job. As Jay's irritating habits and irresponsible behaviour get beyond a joke, wearing down the reader as well as the characters in the novel, it becomes clear that his apparently selfish attitude to his future is really an expression of the unresolved grief that affects not only him but all the family.(Being closer in age to his father myself, I often felt more sympathy for father than for son.)

There are some incredibly moving moments, such as when the three siblings ceremoniously take a saved lock of their mother's hair out of its hiding place and allow themselves each one nostalgic, Proustian sniff - with an extra one for the youngest because he's about to be packed off to boarding school in hope of curing the many tics that he's developed since his mother's death. The remembered details of his mother's terminal illness are also very well done and rang true for me, having experienced something similar with my own relatives.

Knowing that the author's father in real life was the late BBC TV executive David Hatch, I did wonder at the wisdom of giving Jay's fictional father more or less the same career, but I was happy to live with that for the sake of one of the running jokes throughout the book: Jay's rebellious hobby of pinching his dad's contact book and making prank phone calls to celebrities - not malicious ones, which I'd find unfunny and cruel, but just silly ones with the sole of aim of extending his list of famous people who have told him to f*** off. Not sure whether the named celebrities would agree though! It made me wonder whether the author had ever done this himself in real life, or at least wanted to!

I turned the pages of the last few chapters with increasing speed, wondering how this could possibly not end in utter disaster and tragedy. I don't want to spoil the plot, but the final resolution was for me in equal measure touching, logical and satisfying.

I was interested to see that this is the first book that the author has published himself. I'd have read it earlier if it had been available as an e-book before, though I must admit its previous branding had created completely different expectations. I'd have expected the hero of "The Lawnmower Celebrity" to be a middle-aged, pullover-wearing lawnmower pusher - or maybe someone with a ride-on lawnmower reflecting his wealth. (The author's very funny foreword for the book's new incarnation makes it clear that he was also uncomfortable with the old one's presentation.) The new title makes the theme and format much clearer, and the cover illustration of french fries suggesting a certain fast-food restaurant associated with young people makes much more sense, so creating more appropriate expectations in the reader.

So, what's next, Mr Hatch? More please!
Profile Image for Gin Oliver.
11 reviews4 followers
April 12, 2014
For any fans of Adrian Mole, Bridget Jones or even if you’re just the type who likes peeking in someone’s diary . . . here’s one for you.

Jay Golden is 18 years old and too insightful for the world around him. Perceptive and intelligent he’s stuck in a flump, resisting adulthood and waiting for the rest of the world to catch up with his thinking that all mundane jobs should be done by robots. Unfortunately in Jay’s case, this means most jobs.

A side tickler of a read, The P45 Diaries follows Jay for a year as he bounces from one dead-end employment to another. Butting heads with his big-cheese-at-the-BBC father and golden girl sister Sarah, only his little brother offers some sort of family redemption, but now he’s being threatened with boarding school.

Moving from grey, dark offices of recruitment agencies to the fat slicked walls of the dreaded McJob with a score of other dismal failures in between, Hatch perfectly captures the teenage outlook on a world where you could easily feel short changed.

Bored in the face of adversity, while patiently waiting for higher creativity to strike, Jay’s life is peppered by random outbursts from his sexually confused best friend Sean and first love fumbles with girlfriend Gemma, who shares his passion for having celebrities tell him to ‘fuck off’.

Woven into this very funny and beautifully honest story of Jay’s reluctant launch into maturity, lies a touching and heart-aching account of family life that will leave a lump in your throat.

I’d hoped to have broken the teary bone when it came to books, but Hatch’s account of the Golden’s family recovery after losing it’s matriarch was so well crafted, even thinking about it now is making the bottom lip protrude again.

Deserving all the accolade it’s received as BBC Radio 4’s Book of the Year The P45 Diaries is one of the those books that – if you haven’t read it already – go and treat yourself now.

The BBC sitcom’s in development, but I don’t think anything will beat hearing it from Hatch first.
Profile Image for Mikayla.
543 reviews34 followers
April 13, 2015
I believe this book is listed under the wrong genre and don't believe it should be listed as a comedy. I don't understand how an eighteen year old boy, struggling with the death of his mother is funny. As a result a relationship with his dad and several others is on a downward spiral and he thinks he has nobody to talk to. He ultimately goes through a long list of jobs and I can not help but feel pity towards him instead of laughing at him.

I'm neither impressed or disappointed by this book, though the diary layout is a definite good point. It does get rather sad and sometimes depressing with the death of his mother, but for a 99p novel it was reasonable.

I feel like this book could have been better in some ways, and unfortunately will not be reading any more of the authors work. I unfortunately can not recommend this novel as I did not enjoy this novel as much as others, but I expect those who have previously read the authors work to enjoy this novel.
Profile Image for Maddie Grigg.
Author 3 books9 followers
December 31, 2013
I enjoyed this book, especially the central character's relationship with his 50s throwback father and little brother. There was some laugh-out-loud humour - I loved the idea of Jay stealing his father's contacts book and ringing up celebrities - and very poignant moments surrounding Jay and his mother. It ended rather too quickly for me and it did feel in parts like a book that had been updated from a previous version. I'd recommend it to anyone looking for a funny, poignant read. And it's going to make a great comedy drama for television.
Profile Image for Jess Reid.
5 reviews
September 17, 2014
Gave up - characters didn't feel real and I didn't laugh at all... Snore
Profile Image for Dean R Garnham.
10 reviews
April 8, 2019
Took me a while to complete and felt a little self absorbed, but not a bad read.
Profile Image for Heather.
570 reviews147 followers
May 5, 2014
Everywhere I went on Amazon this book seemed to follow me, any book I bought it seemed to appear stealthily below working its way on to my wish list then before I knew it, it had had downloaded itself on to my Kindle. It was sneaky I had actually intended to buy Road to Rouen instead!

As usual I do the bulk of my reading at night, whilst reading this I found myself bursting in to laughter in the wee small hours only to be shouted at by my grumpy husband who does not appreciate a fine funny book.

Anyway I am rambling as usual lets get to the book!

Jay Golden is 18, words can not describe this adorable hardworking I give up, this young man! He is still lives at home with his younger brother Charlie and his dad who is a BBC big wig and also very short, their favourite meal is chicken curry. He also has an older sister Sarah who is getting married but the main woman in his life, his mum is no longer with them, a hard working woman who battled against but unfortunately lost her life to cancer.

Jay is typical of teenagers these day (God I am showing my age, I'll be saying it wasn't like that in my day next) in expecting the world on a silver platter but his dad has other plans, he needs to work. But Jay doesn't want to bother with such trivialities as working, no he wants to be a writer and nothing will stand in his way.

But his dad is a man on a mission, he works all the hours that God sends and Jay must work, he works his way through an employment agency, McDonalds, selling lawnmowers, kebab shop and a few more plus some visits to the Job Centre, each job he treats with no respect at all and to be honest how he didn't get sacked earlier is beyond me!

He is ably supported in his loafing by his girlfriend, he dreams of going to Africa to become an aid worker showing everyone he can do it but alas no, he just goes from one disaster to the next including a leaky van the annoys the hell out of his girlfriends dad.

Other notable things about Jay are that he is a selfish hypochondriac with a penchant for phoning BBC celebrities from a stolen phone book, these phone calls make for some of the funniest bits of the book.

This book reminded me of a modern day Adrian Mole, written in diary form it is a joy to read, it's both exceedingly funny but also tear-jerkingly sad when he flashes back to his mother's last days, Jay was truly the apple of his mother's eye and he misses her, understandably, a lot.

Jay is helped out by brilliant supporting characters, his family and co-workers along with some celebrities add to this books charm. I actually hope like the aforementioned Mr Mole we maybe find out about Jay as he hopefully matures!

This book offers so much to the reader and I hope you enjoyed my review and then press the buy button below to stick it on your Kindle! I might actually get around to buying Road to Rouen now since this book has stopped stalking me!

The P45 Diaries I award 5 out of 5
Profile Image for Andrew Garvey.
666 reviews10 followers
May 15, 2016
One of the most surprising novels I've read since I started tracking and reviewing my books on Goodreads, Ben Hatch's sharply observed comic tale of a wildly irritating 18-year-old waster who's convinced himself and is desperately trying to convince everyone around him that he's destined to be a great writer is both great fun and at times, deeply sad.

Jay Golden's sheer misplaced self-belief, his genuine conviction his own brilliance and his complete inability to hold down a succession of dead-end jobs provide the laughs (and there some genuine 'LOLing on public transport' moments) but it's the trauma behind his delusions, his essential, buried sadness and his awful relationship with his successful father that's most impressive.

The whole story is told through Jay's diary entries and, as his present day life spirals out of any semblance of order we get more and more older entries, detailing his mother's losing battle with cancer. These are so well written, so incredibly sad and just feel so much more 'real' than anything else in Jay's story that they, and the sheer emotional weight of them, crush the rest of the story.

Plenty of books claim to be able to make a reader laugh and cry. This one does the former almost effortlessly and although it doesn't (at first) even hint at the latter it most likely will.
Profile Image for Linda Guest.
45 reviews4 followers
May 9, 2014
I really loved this book. It's a bitter sweet tale, you spend half your time loving Jay and the other half wanting to tell him to get his act together. Ben Hatch has managed to harness his 'inner teenager' and has written an account of the trials of being 18 in an emotive and very real way. Jay (the 18 year old) has to deal with losing his Mum to cancer right at the time when he is leaving school and joining the 'grown up' world. To say he finds it difficult is an understatement. His hilarious accounts of working in a variety of low paid jobs and reasons he gets sacked from each one is something all teenagers should read. I really want to know what happens to Jay next :)
Profile Image for Laura Besley.
Author 10 books59 followers
April 25, 2014
This is the second book I've read by Ben Hatch and it didn't disappoint. He seems to very easily be able to combine hilarity with sadness. The main character, Jay Golden, is simultaneously frustrating, yet utterly endearing as he struggles to make his way in the world after a massive loss. The small details which make up Jay's relationships is what makes him so genuine and likable. I would highly recommend this, and have tissues at the ready for tears of sadness and laughter!
11 reviews
January 10, 2014
I enjoyed the diary format of the book. It was peppered with laugh out loud moments, and tinged with sadness as the main character, Jay, recounts losing his mother to cancer. Not as funny as Ben Hatch's other books but still good.
Profile Image for Bagginsmum.
12 reviews
January 28, 2014
Make sure you have a box of tissues. This masquerades as a funny book but it really is a poignant and tear jerking read with some laughs on between. Stumbled across this by chance but is pleased I did
Profile Image for Glynis.
558 reviews16 followers
February 16, 2014
A slow start and felt more like I was reading about a 14yr old rather than a 18yr old but it gained on me and did have me an emotional wreck by the end. It brought back so many memories of losing my father.
Profile Image for Rebecca Hemshall.
262 reviews1 follower
June 15, 2014
This book had me feeling at times frustrated with, and sympathetic towards the main character. It's a simple story, well written such that it evoked emotions in the reader and a very easy read. I did not find it "un- put down-able" but I enjoyed it.
Profile Image for Karen.
17 reviews1 follower
August 7, 2014
Fab fab fab!

This book was funny and moved along at a cracking pace. However, there is a real pathos and genuine sadness in places. So I laughed and cried. Any book that can make you do that is well worth reading!
Profile Image for Lisa.
56 reviews
January 26, 2014
An enjoyable read with some laugh out loud moments and sadness too. Quite enjoyed the diary format. First Kindle read from Amazon lending library - an interesting debut.
Profile Image for Angela Gascoigne.
Author 10 books154 followers
March 8, 2014
I really loved this book which had me laughing and crying in equal measures. I found the very close bond between Jay and Charlie very touching. Such great, memorable characters.
Profile Image for Alex Scroxton.
40 reviews1 follower
March 21, 2015
A light, easy-going, funny, non-taxing read with some sweet moments. Owes a lot to Adrian Mole. Special? No, but well-written and enjoyable.
Profile Image for Angie.
8 reviews2 followers
April 26, 2014
A brilliant book, beautifully crafted with charming characters, laughter and tears. And Ninja Turtles.
3 reviews
May 11, 2014
This book made me laugh out loud (slightly embarrassing on the bus) and cry (I didn't read those bits on the bus). Want to read more from Ben Hatch.
Profile Image for Nadia.
114 reviews
March 6, 2016
Kindle read. Probably read it over a period of 2 years...
Profile Image for Simon.
65 reviews
September 23, 2014
Amusing, heartfelt and, regarding workplace attitudes, very accurate.
Profile Image for Jody Nicholson.
240 reviews2 followers
May 29, 2014
Not great, not terrible. I liked the addition of old diary extracts explaining his mum's illness.
Displaying 1 - 26 of 26 reviews

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