Jump to ratings and reviews
Rate this book

The Feel The Fear Guide To... Lasting Love: How to create a superb relationship for life

Rate this book
"Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway" has sold a million copies round the world since 1987, and is still one of the top ten bestsellers in the category of personal development. In this book, Susan Jeffers takes the approach and practical strategies that made her first such a success and applies them to the subject that is closest to all our hearts: Love. The author explains that, although most people desire a wonderful relationship, too many of us don't really understand what love truly means. We say we love people in our lives yet, too often, we don't act very lovingly. Nor do we choose our partners wisely. This lack of understanding about love is reflected in the ever-increasing divorce rate and the huge number of people who ask with a deep yearning in their hearts: Why is love so hard?

"The Feel The Fear Guide To... Lasting Love" shows what real love actually looks like, how to learn the essentials for finding it - and how to make it last a lifetime. It also lays out solutions to common problems and explains the destructive power of fear. Full of Jeffers' own experiences, humour and down-to-earth techniques, as well as the wisdom of others, this book will show us all how to enjoy the delight, satisfaction, peace and caring that true love can bring us.

258 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 5, 2005

35 people are currently reading
247 people want to read

About the author

Susan Jeffers

29 books374 followers
Susan Jeffers, Ph.D. has helped millions of people throughout the world overcome their fears, heal their relationships, and move forward in life with confidence and love.

She is the author of many internationally renowned books including Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway, Feel the Fear. . .and Beyond, Feel the Fear Power Planner, End the Struggle and Dance With Life, Dare to Connect, Opening Our Hearts to Men, Losing a Love...Finding a Life, Thoughts Of Power and Love, The Little Book of Confidence, Embracing Uncertainty, Life is Huge! plus her "Fear-less Series" of affirmation books and tapes (Inner Talk for Peace of Mind, Inner Talk for a Confident Day, and Inner Talk For a Love That Works). Her latest book is The Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love, which was published in the UK in May 2005 and in the US and Canada by her own publishing company, Jeffers Press, in October 2005.

As well as being a best-selling author, Susan is a sought-after public speaker and has been a guest on many radio and television shows internationally. She lives with her husband, Mark Shelmerdine, in Los Angeles.

Ratings & Reviews

What do you think?
Rate this book

Friends & Following

Create a free account to discover what your friends think of this book!

Community Reviews

5 stars
80 (39%)
4 stars
61 (29%)
3 stars
45 (21%)
2 stars
16 (7%)
1 star
3 (1%)
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews
Profile Image for Tami.
Author 38 books85 followers
April 15, 2008
“Lasting, unconditional love is probably the one thing that we all really want and need in our lives yet it is probably the hardest thing to actually receive. Most of us look to others to prove their love for us. We test them and measure them against some Hollywood version of what true love should look like. When our love doesn't quite look like that fantasy, we immediately begin to blame our significant other.

Feel the Fear Guide to Lasting Love reminds the reader that healthy lasting love comes in many different forms. There is no one right relationship and no perfect romance. Lasting love takes commitment, communication, and effort. Moreover, in order to feel love, we need to take fear of rejection and finger pointing out of the equation entirely. A healthy relationship is based upon genuine respect for every aspect of your lover, even when you don't quite understand it.
Profile Image for Aj.
40 reviews1 follower
December 3, 2021
This is the one book that has been with me in a roller coaster of emotions throughout the year. I only ever read it when I felt a connection to someone and whenever the spark died, I dropped it with them. Only to pick it up when the spark was rekindled. The book is meant not just for people in relationships but to help one fall deeper in love with themselves, but I felt it right to read only when I could relate to a certain type of emotion that comes with caring deeply for someone else. That said, I cannot even trace when I first read it, beginning of the year, and well, here we are, finished it just in time.


It’s a lovely book. It has made me view love in a whole different perspective and quite frankly I enjoyed it more than I thought I would. The author provides insights on making lasting love a reality while giving her own love and marriage experiences. It teaches selflessness, laying off selfish expectations, the purpose of love and focusing on the good which is where we thrive.

The highlight for me on was learning that the essence of love is not to use the other to make ourselves happy but to serve and affirm the one we love. That the most important purpose of a relationship is to learn how to become a more loving person and each new challenge offers you an opportunity to practice that and to help them be the very best version of themselves. This in turn gets you to the best version of yourself. It is not a barter trade where you give and expect something in return.

She goes on to explain that this is mostly not usually attained as we hold back due to fear. The fear of loving that causes us to protect ourselves, close our hearts and put ourselves first. The fear that creates anger and discord between the sexes – spreading our free floating anger to all members of the opposite sex and blaming them for our unhappiness.

Overcoming this fear means becoming aware of these tendencies that do not support a belief in self, and requiring us to become safely vulnerable in the knowledge that we can handle whatever happens. And in that we love, wholly and truly. This is the only thing we can trust. Ourselves. The ability to love with the confidence that we will be able to handle whatever happens. If you knew you could handle anything that came your way, what would you possibly have to fear? Nothing.


I especially enjoyed the last chapter that details on gender bashing. The ‘all men are dogs’ and ‘All women are the same’ narrative, the roles that the society has taught us to play in our relationships, the misery in these confined roles and the challenges of old expectations getting mixed up with new freedoms. Susan notes that in these cases, it is usually our fear that keeps us locked in many of our beliefs, actions and expectations. There is no question that letting go of our expectations is a difficult thing to do, yet it is our expectations that keep us locked in unhappiness.

If you don’t love, respect and admire the opposite sex, you won’t, by definition, love, respect and admire your mate. This part hit very close to home. It’s something very many people need to learn. This one note plays an important part in ending the destructive war of genders and establishing the link to forming of healthy relationships. I was surprised to learn that this war between sexes began with the women’s movement in the 1960s. The sad thing is that some radical feminists are still preaching the same ugly message that ‘The only good man is a dead one’. In the 21st century! In an unconscious mode, we may not even notice that this war is causing such unhappiness. Often we are not aware of the damage we are doing to others, including our own mates. It eats away at our self esteem.

I am a feminist. And I hate how the meaning has been deluded overtime. The women’s movement is not about hating men. It’s about women becoming the best that they could be, and certainly women hating men is not the best they can be. Furthermore, liberalization is about letting our light shine through. It has nothing to do with men. One should be proud to be a woman who loves men. And vice versa. Extending grace and love as one would to another person of their gender. Being human. Constant bashing and ridicule becomes exhausting. There are no winners in a war of putting hate into the world and there is not one reason not to end the war. The big take-away being, learn the value of the word ‘some’.

The conclusion, commit to pushing through the fear and learning how to bring forward the loving and powerful energy of your Higher self. Whatever it takes to get you to the place where happiness lies, feel the fear and do it anyway.

Such beautiful lessons and I would definitely recommend it to anyone and everyone.
Profile Image for Jessica Power.
24 reviews
March 14, 2025
My friend lent me this book as I enjoyed ‘Feel the Fear and do it Anyway’, but I didn’t get much from it as I feel it was more tailored to those already in a relationship.
248 reviews4 followers
February 22, 2024
Sinfully Yours is the 4th in Kathleen Ayers series, The Five Deadly Sins. Malcolm, the focus of the story, has been absent from the family but he was referred repeatedly in the previous books. The Sinclair family consists of three brothers and two sisters who, after the death of their father were banished to a crumbling estate, to live abject poverty that led to death of their precious mother. This is important background knowledge and leads to a better comprehension as to why Malcolm is absent from his family without an updated knowledge of the state of their affairs in London. The story can be read as a standalone but there are references to the previous situation and comments made by the brothers and sisters that I feel are better understood if one has read the previous stories.
Malcolm Sinclair is a retired soldier turned mercenary who needs to fulfill a promise to his younger sister. He loves his family, and that love has driven his choices since he left the estate. He is a handsome man with a quick wit covering a gentle, loyal heart. His outer demeanor is terrifying with a presence that few would challenge. To return to England, he needs money, so he accepts a job from a distasteful Duke. He is sure that no one will recognize him behind his heavy beard, long hair and rough clothes! The consequences of his decision and the discoveries he makes in England will change his life in ways he couldn’t have imagined.
I enjoy the unexpected characteristics of Kathleen Ayers hero and heroines like Alyss Brooks. Alyss is a feisty, orphaned, spinster, living in her uncle’s home. She is hardheaded, opinionated woman who always must have the last word. She sees herself as in unspoken protector of her cousin who is younger, beautiful and an heiress! Alyss is so unyielding in her determination that she refuses to listen to council or think actions through. Her behavior and reactions made her an unsympathetic main character but as the book progresses, we can see through her eyes the world she has experienced and the reasonings of her mind. I thought this to be a striking twist to the usual Historical Romance heroine creating a more engaging read.
Sinfully Yours is a well written story of two “set in their ways” people who meet under the most stressful of circumstances. Malcolm and Alyss’ chemistry sizzles from their first meeting until it ignites into a fire of feelings and passions resulting in mistrust and mixed-up emotions. As readers know, nothing has been easy for the Five Deadly Sins and Malcolm’s story is no exception. I can’t wait to see what happens in the younger sister, Aurora book!
267 reviews4 followers
February 21, 2024
First,historical fiction is my favorite genre and this one did not disappoint. This is the first in a series of Scots and Scoundrels booksand I am already looking forward to the next in the series by Allison B. Hanson, an author I wasn’t familiar with. However I will actively be seeking her out now. The main character, Gia raises and trains prize race horses in a man’s world. Her father, an Earl, fakes an illness to get his daughter to accompany him to London to seek help from a city doctor as their country doctor had recommended. It was all a charade by her father to get his daughter to the London coming out season. Gia is adamant she never wants to marry and is perfectly content to live out her life in the country raising her horses. Her father doesn’t want that kind of life for his daughter. Her trunks and her maid will be at Lydia’s tomorrow in time for the first ball of the season. Lydia’s is the house they stopped at to meet the doctor. Gia fights going to the ball at every opportunity. Gia is very open with her remarks and not at all like the simpering average debutante. She smiles broadly and laughs aloud at the dance which is looked down upon by the ton. She is duly chastised by her house hostess, Lydia. Lydia definitely takes Gia under her wing to guide her through the rules of the ton, which Gia is a part of, since her father is an Earl. Gia dances with a Scot who also is adamant to not having a want to ever marry. He has the reputation for being a rogue. This sets up the story for their future tribulations. All in all it was extremely well done and a page turner for me, giving me the warm fuzzies. I highly recommend this book, if you enjoy this genre, even if you usually, don’t this is well worth the read. I want to give the following a special thanks for allowing me to read and review,. I have given my own honest opinion. Thanks to: #NetGalley, #DragonbladePublishing, #AllisonB.Hanson, #WinningHerDukeScotsandScoundrels,Book1.,Publication Date, February 19,2024. I hope I have inspired you to pick up your copy to read this weekend..
Profile Image for Bridget Love to read Lewis.
2,440 reviews30 followers
February 19, 2024
4.6
The heroine was so abrasive like she had to be right always no matter what!
She was exhausting and way too old for that at her age! She was no simpering debutant like for real! But I digress!
Malcolm is a mercenary and is stranded in France under difficult circumstances but has promised Aurora is little sister he will be there for her come out!
This conniving little snot Buckmore who has hired Malcolm for a little kidnapping job! If Malcolm had known about his family he would never had to accept! Enter Alyss the older cousin and spinster to her beautiful younger cousin who guards her zealously because she is an heiress!
These two are oil and vinegar until they are not! Malcolm gives as good as he gets but Alyss has way too much pride! Thank goodness for her cousin because things quickly go left!
Alyss had all the answers until she doesn’t! No humility at all! But Malcolm finds a way around her stubbornness before it’s too late! My guy he’s handsome a soldier and bold enough to take on this woman!
Now to be fair Alyss does not think highly of herself or men but with that tart tongue and attitude! Yes it’s a two way street!
I received an ARC copy for my honest opinion! Bravo I love this series! Get ready to laugh out loud as the two are definitely on the most unlikely to succeed list!
118 reviews3 followers
February 11, 2024
This is 4th in a series, and it is helpful but not essential to have read the others first. However! This is also the best of the series so far, focusing on Malcolm Sinclair, who has been both solider and then a mercenary in Venice. Crucially, he's been moving around a lot and a few very key pieces of post from his siblings have not caught up with him... I.e. he still believes them to be impoverished. We also meet him at the beginning of the book having just been robbed and in a sticky situation with the local authorities. A very shifty English lord offers him passage to England if he will help with a small task... kidnap this lord's apparently willing future wife, away from her disapproving family.

Alyss, the cousin of Elizabeth, the prospective kidnappee gets embroiled in this fiasco when Malcolm kidnaps her by accident.

I really enjoyed this book! Malcolm and his 'vicious little fairy' are an entertaining pair. And it's lovely to see Malcolm reunite w his family.

I recommend! 4.5 stars. Thanks Netgalley for the ARC.
Profile Image for Josee A.
218 reviews3 followers
February 12, 2024
What a great continuation of the Five Deadly Sins series. Although this book could be a stand alone, I feel like it would be best to read as part of the series as so much of the backstory occurs in the others. Malcolm Sinclair, one of the Five Deadly Sins siblings, doesn't realize how much life has changed for his siblings as he has been away fighting in the war. Alyss, is a spinster who is a tough woman who has experienced tremendous loss in her young life and chose to be a companion to avoid marriage. The story is funny, heart wrenching, and absolutely lovely. This story is fraught with trials and tribulations, laughter and love. I really enjoyed getting to know Malcolm and Alyss and I loved how no matter what fears Alyss had, Malcolm would take them on for both of them. Beautiful ending in the epilogue. I read an ARC of this book. All opinions are my own.
28 reviews1 follower
February 13, 2024
Let me start with saying I love Ayers. She is a go to historical romance author for me. This novel tells the story of Malcolm and Alyss. Malcolm is unaware of his family’s change in fortune and takes one last mercenary job to kidnap a prospective bride for her suitor, but accidentally abducts the bride’s disapproving cousin Alyss instead. So ensues a push and pull romance. Alyss was a bit much at times with her whole “I refuse to love and I know everything” but to Ayers credit-she fully acknowledges that Alyss can be a terrible know-it-all by having other characters call her out for it. And it is actually kind of adorable that Malcom loves her anyhow. He loves all of her. It reminds me of Arabella and Rowan from the “Wickeds” series. If you liked them then you will like this couple. Thank you NetGalley for this free ARC in exchange for my honest and unbiased review.
1,292 reviews11 followers
March 6, 2024
One more deadly sin vanquished. Malcolm a soldier is trying to return home only to be robbed of all his money. He undertakes one last assignment from villainous Lord Buckmore, kidnap a young lady in return for a trip home.

Except everything goes wrong. A long in the tooth, know it all cousin, Alyss, gets kidnapped instead and the only one to help will be Malcolm. Sparks fly, emotions are at stake, but one Ms. Right is ruined.

Malcolm's return home is full of surprises. His destitute family is very well off now and his siblings have all settled into marriages of ❤️.

Will he be able to convince stubborn Ms. Alyss to let her guard down and allow someone in to give her a hea?
Typical Ayers style (she's one of my favorites), lots of angst, turmoil, emotional depth.
396 reviews3 followers
February 13, 2024
Such a beautiful and lovely story. Most often, the story begins with enemies or friends or even sudden interested parties, but this story didn't begin that way. Instead it began as two people, Gia and Hale, met because of a horse. Throughout the horses continued to be a main focus and draw for the two. First they became friends and then more took place. Beautifully written to take a deep look into the lives of two people who find joy and happiness through friendship, common interests and laughter. A breathtaking approach woven into the regency time period adding color, depth, history and romance to a special time period.
Profile Image for Julie Ambrose.
229 reviews4 followers
February 11, 2024
Sinfully yours indeed , what an excellent story to add to this sinful collection by Kathleen Aryres .
This is a passionate and adventures story where a mistaken kidnapping ends up in a scandal leaving Alyss having to agree to marry a horrid man to save herself .
Malcom Sinclair down on his luck having been away fighting the wars and having been robbed agrees to the kidnapping for coin , only to get entangled with the feisty Alyss .
A well written and exciting story of full of angst ,sizzling passion and romance really enjoyable read .
Profile Image for Erin OBrien.
1,232 reviews5 followers
March 7, 2024
Family secrets is all Frannie has known. Secrets that she must continue keeping even after she meets Alec, the Duke of Lionwraith.
When it becomes clear that their problems will best be solved by working together, Frannie realizes that she doesn’t want her secrets to ruin their budding relationship.
I loved every minute of Frannie and Alec’s story. Despite his grouchiness, their chemistry was off the charts. I can’t wait for more from this trio of women who take their lives into their own hands.
5 stars!!
447 reviews3 followers
February 10, 2024
A hilarious twisted love story with a most unusual beginning! You know to expect the unusual from the Sinclair deadly sins. Malcolm Sinclair has been so out of touch with his siblings that he doesn’t know how much things have changed for them in recent months. This bizarre tale is carefully constructed piece by piece . . .I enjoyed it very much. Get ready for a crazy ride! I thank the author and NetGalley for an advance review copy. I am voluntarily leaving this honest review.
159 reviews6 followers
February 19, 2024
An enemies to lovers trope filled book. Mistaken identity sends Malcolm and Alyss into each others' arms literally. Malcolm kidnaps Alyss thinking she is her cousin in order to stop someone blackmailing him. Chaos ensues and both find themselves in a cottage during a storm and sparks immediately fly. Malcolm is quite the cinnamon roll hero and is a fantastic match to Alyss's fire. Looking forward to the next one in this series.
6,129 reviews28 followers
February 22, 2024
So, who's the villain?

I thought this was a clever premise and it delivered.
Frannie is fake married and successfully runs and empire.
Alec is out to avenge his wronged sister. Ok, I was prepared to very much not like him and at first, I did. But he wins me over. Ugh! And his sister, who I was also prepared to not like. But a deft hand makes them engaging and engrossing.
I really liked Frannie.
So. Complicated. Smart. A totally fresh premise.
Recommend.
Profile Image for Cindy Stone.
257 reviews5 followers
March 7, 2024
Wow, I loved this book! Malcolm and Alyss are a hoot! The Sinclairs have been wonderful to read about and this novel was no exception. From one abduction to another, the fun never stops. Elizabeth proves to be much smarter than she seemed at first and her beau, Mr. Rawlings is a far better choice than the detestable Buckmore! I hope that Aurora gets a book of her own as well and this is not the last we read about the Sinclair family! Although I received an ARC, my opinions are my own.
32 reviews2 followers
February 21, 2024
This was well worth the effort! So many twists and turns ! Great chemistry between strong, but not perfect characters. Problems were resolved credibly and forgiveness granted when needed. Personally, I love when strong women are portrayed in backward times. I also appreciate strong male characters who are not threatened by strong women. I’ll read this authors work again.!
Profile Image for Seher.
782 reviews31 followers
March 1, 2024
This is my second Kathleen Ayers book (the first was Enticing the Earl) and like the first I love it!

Sheer unadulterated fun and smut. Lovely, long drawn out interaction with the MC and the dude. Good smut, great tension. This is what regency romance should be.

Thank you NetGalley and Dragonblade Publishing for the chance to read and review this book!
Profile Image for Jessica Mcmillan.
71 reviews
March 28, 2024
First off I have loved this entire series and I want to say that for some reason I really liked Malcolm in particular. I am not the reviewer that gives away anything so I will not be doing that, but I will say do yourself a favor pick up the series, start from book one and work your way through the series. It gets better and better with each book. ☺️
Profile Image for Azeemah.
41 reviews
March 24, 2021
A highly recommended relationship self-help book. One of my favourite phrases would be, “You 'find' your Soul Mate over time in the process of living and loving together".

Profile Image for FaTmA.
86 reviews
March 21, 2025
This book is overly optimistic and cheesy to the point of being almost insufferable.
Profile Image for Anna F..
71 reviews2 followers
July 12, 2023
It was great to read this classic from the early 2000 and take home some very important and often forgotten lessons on how to make any relationship better, more loving and compassionate. A bit on the same line as Marianne Williamson. Very helpful exercises and clear explanations, although at times quite repetitive.
Profile Image for Rozana AlBanawi.
70 reviews15 followers
March 21, 2015
I think reading Feel the Fear & Do It Anyway should be a prerequisite for reading this book. It has great concepts of how to tackle a relationship.. I learned from the chapters, and when I applied some of the ideas that she presents, such as sending love messages during the day to your partner, it actually yielded positive outcomes!
Profile Image for Carol.
21 reviews1 follower
April 15, 2010
A real good book for anyone to read that is interested in learning how to develop and maintain a strong relationship.
Profile Image for Anna Claire.
49 reviews11 followers
August 6, 2011
Married or single gay or straight this is a great step to understanding the basics of a loving respectful partnership.
Profile Image for Kirby.
49 reviews3 followers
December 5, 2017
A beautiful way of which to live your life.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 30 reviews

Can't find what you're looking for?

Get help and learn more about the design.