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New Toddler Taming: A parents’ guide to the first four years
Many parents wonder how the sweet, chubby baby which gurgles happily at them for the first twelve months changes so suddenly into a bellowing, tantrum prone, heel drumming, carpet biting toddler. What's gone wrong? Whose fault is it? What can be done about it?
Dr Christopher Green's classic bestselling parenting guide has been revised and updated to answer these questions and others like them in a way that parents of the twenty-first century will instantly grasp. Dr Christopher Green quickly calms fear of 'abnormal' bad behaviour, points out the inevitable strains of bringing up children and offers invaluable practical advice on all fronts from sleep problems and tantrums to potty training. This new edition also includes updated information on childhood eating habits, sibling rivalry and discipline.
Light-hearted and authoritative, New Toddler Taming is a must for family sanity!
539 pages, Kindle Edition
First published January 15, 1984
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About the author
Christopher Green
158 books4 followersDr. Christopher Green has helped parents with his advice on babies, toddlers and young children. He is a paediatrician and honorary consultant to the Children's Hospital, Westmead, in Sydney.
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January 26, 2021TL: DR I was a child raised via the book Toddler Taming. Please do not use this as a guide.
I was the fourth of five children raised solely by my parents, with no outside family for support. The family GP recommended Toddler Taming to my parents, in order to deal with my toddler tantrums. Living in a remote area with no internet, my parents thought it was a godsend to have this advice from a professional.
The reasons for my tantrums were various:
• the lack of attention in a family of five
• the lack of sleep from having a newborn baby in the house
• the perceived injustices of siblings’ actions
• the fear of death, which was described to me as “just falling asleep and not waking up”
• the subsequent fear of falling asleep
All of these tantrums erupted with the desire for one thing:
The need for comfort.
If my parents had listened to me and allowed me to share my fears, then I wouldn’t have had to have a complete meltdown to get my point across. Instead I was ignored, smacked, and locked in a room alone.
Yes, this stopped the tantrums. Because I learned that my feelings weren’t valid, that I would be punished for showing them, and that no-one was going to help me. As a four-year old, I had to deal with the fear of death on my own, locked in a room, nursing the throb of a smacking.
I’m 27 now. After lifelong anxiety, fluctuating depression, and a three-year abusive relationship, I’ve now been in therapy for six months. As it turns out, you’re not meant to be scared to share your needs and emotions, fear abandonment from being less than perfect, and accept the barrages of an inner critic telling you that you’re not good enough.
Oh, what I know now.
So yes, this book broke the tantrum cycle of a hysterical four-year-old. And now every day I have to pick her up and put her back together again.
I was the fourth of five children raised solely by my parents, with no outside family for support. The family GP recommended Toddler Taming to my parents, in order to deal with my toddler tantrums. Living in a remote area with no internet, my parents thought it was a godsend to have this advice from a professional.
The reasons for my tantrums were various:
• the lack of attention in a family of five
• the lack of sleep from having a newborn baby in the house
• the perceived injustices of siblings’ actions
• the fear of death, which was described to me as “just falling asleep and not waking up”
• the subsequent fear of falling asleep
All of these tantrums erupted with the desire for one thing:
The need for comfort.
If my parents had listened to me and allowed me to share my fears, then I wouldn’t have had to have a complete meltdown to get my point across. Instead I was ignored, smacked, and locked in a room alone.
Yes, this stopped the tantrums. Because I learned that my feelings weren’t valid, that I would be punished for showing them, and that no-one was going to help me. As a four-year old, I had to deal with the fear of death on my own, locked in a room, nursing the throb of a smacking.
I’m 27 now. After lifelong anxiety, fluctuating depression, and a three-year abusive relationship, I’ve now been in therapy for six months. As it turns out, you’re not meant to be scared to share your needs and emotions, fear abandonment from being less than perfect, and accept the barrages of an inner critic telling you that you’re not good enough.
Oh, what I know now.
So yes, this book broke the tantrum cycle of a hysterical four-year-old. And now every day I have to pick her up and put her back together again.
November 3, 2014
Dr. Green's advice is often to give the child a smack. I don't know why so many pages were written if the answer is always to smack the kid around. There were a few other ridiculous tips in there. Unless this book has been drastically revised since its first printing, I recommend you throw the book in the paper recycling bin, which is where my second hand copy is going right now.
December 2, 2015
With all the wishy-washy New Age type books on child rearing fashionable these days, I was delighted to discover this 1990s Australian classic. I found Green's attitudes mostly very sensible and refreshing in their lack of complexes. Yes, it’s not the end of the world if once in a while you give your child a little smack (not that I want to do this, but I don’t want to go to pieces if this happens). You don’t need to worry too much about your child’s diet and parents deserve a life of their own too. Where he did disappoint me is in his approach to early learning. He thinks that wanting your child to be literate before school, whether it’s in reading or music, is stupid. Instead, Green seems to encourage mediocrity – raise a likeable, social child, he seems to advise. As if both literate and socially adept child is a unicorn.
June 29, 2019
Keep in mind that I've read the 2016 updated version so my review will be based on that one specifically not his previous editions.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and looking at life with a toddler in the way mostly described in this book. I've calmed down a lot as a mother since I started it, I no longer feel embarrassed when my child screams or refuses to go near someone, I don't feel the need to tell her off for touching things or ruining the organized clothes.
This book has helped me realise that we are in too much of a rush to make our children socially acceptable, we try to hard to make them eat & drink without mess, to play without us, to make friends and bonds, to use the toilet and so much more before they have even been alive for 3 years.
What we expect is ridiculous, we expect that after the 1st year are children should magically be capable of doing and responding to things like a 5 year old.
We do not respect their right to express theirself, to explore theirself, to explore their surroundings or to experiment.
This book has helped me understand the child I want to raise and how. I enjoy everyday with my toddler and I'm a lot less stressed now because I know my child is an average toddler, she screams, throws tantrums, sometimes throws toys, sometimes refuses to sleep, goes in cupboards, doesn't care for other kids much, also clings to her mother, loves cuddles, loves kisses, has a favourite teddy, does her best to communicate how she feels, runs to her daddy, asks to be read 100 times a day and more because she is an average toddler who doesn't understand what being socially acceptable is and frankly doesn't care... So why should you? :)
I thoroughly enjoyed reading this book and looking at life with a toddler in the way mostly described in this book. I've calmed down a lot as a mother since I started it, I no longer feel embarrassed when my child screams or refuses to go near someone, I don't feel the need to tell her off for touching things or ruining the organized clothes.
This book has helped me realise that we are in too much of a rush to make our children socially acceptable, we try to hard to make them eat & drink without mess, to play without us, to make friends and bonds, to use the toilet and so much more before they have even been alive for 3 years.
What we expect is ridiculous, we expect that after the 1st year are children should magically be capable of doing and responding to things like a 5 year old.
We do not respect their right to express theirself, to explore theirself, to explore their surroundings or to experiment.
This book has helped me understand the child I want to raise and how. I enjoy everyday with my toddler and I'm a lot less stressed now because I know my child is an average toddler, she screams, throws tantrums, sometimes throws toys, sometimes refuses to sleep, goes in cupboards, doesn't care for other kids much, also clings to her mother, loves cuddles, loves kisses, has a favourite teddy, does her best to communicate how she feels, runs to her daddy, asks to be read 100 times a day and more because she is an average toddler who doesn't understand what being socially acceptable is and frankly doesn't care... So why should you? :)
September 22, 2017
I remember this book being revolutionary in toddler rearing approach in the 80s. I downloaded a copy to my Kindle as soon as my first born showed signs of requiring 'taming'. I was shocked at how common senseish the advice was and mirrored the approach I was already taking. I think a lot has changed in the 30+ years since this book was written and that the amazing techniques within its pages are now the norm.
Still looking for a solution for my unruly children 😬
Still looking for a solution for my unruly children 😬
December 1, 2022
I read the new edition of this… there is lots I like in here And some I don’t. I think I agree with most of his premises- I’ve never been a big believer in the controlled crying- but I was interested to see him talk in here about only doing 30secs and building up/ And changing it up based on kid’s and never letting them cry uncontrollably so I can see how it would work- my first child is a sound deep sleeper so we can share a bed really happily. My second child is a wiggler who’d prefer to sleep on my face so I get every child is different- take what you like/works from parenting books but realise none them are a perfect book
May 8, 2017
I read this when I was pregnant, and found it mildly amusing. HOWEVER, I found it of little use when I had the baby. It is glib, and patronising, I thought.
As for the 'controlled crying' technique advocated here, I find it cruel and heartless. I couldn't listen to my baby cry for up to 10 or 15 minutes without offering comfort and presence. As for tying a door shut when a child has been sent to their room, again, I couldn't do it.
I would recommend T Berry Brazelton's 'Touchpoints' as a better book for parents of young children.
As for the 'controlled crying' technique advocated here, I find it cruel and heartless. I couldn't listen to my baby cry for up to 10 or 15 minutes without offering comfort and presence. As for tying a door shut when a child has been sent to their room, again, I couldn't do it.
I would recommend T Berry Brazelton's 'Touchpoints' as a better book for parents of young children.
April 8, 2012
My manual that I heartily recommend to all parents. I love the way that we are constantly reassured that our children are generally as normal as they come, and how their misdemeanours are easily explained by our own actions, which are easily corrected! Presto! A manual for how to get nice children!
I was recommended it by a mum who had already used, and can vouch for its methodology. It has worked for all four of my children, so get it, relax, and enjoy your children more! :-)
I was recommended it by a mum who had already used, and can vouch for its methodology. It has worked for all four of my children, so get it, relax, and enjoy your children more! :-)
December 20, 2012
The author seems to assume that every parent thinks that their toddler is out to get him or is bad which I found a bit upsetting. I was just looking for advice on ways to manage toddler behaviour and insight into why toddlers behave this way. I DID find those things but found the tone of the book somewhat patronising and really hated the thought that by reading the book I was putting across the idea that i thought my toddler was being willfully nasty to me :(
August 19, 2010
The thing I found to be most helpful about this book is his repeated emphasis that toddlers are impulsive and senseless. I did not agree with the discipline chapter, in which he often stated that the child should be isolated (in his room or time out) to ride out a tantrum. I know this would be quite counter-productive for my daughter.
January 13, 2020
Very dated and at times questionable information. If you are a fan of smacking, behaviour modification and controlled crying, then fill your boots. If you would prefer alternatives to locking your nocturnal creeper in their room with a "therapeutic wedge under the door" then best to give this one a miss!! 😲
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
September 12, 2024
I found Toddler Taming to be a really helpful guide to all the mental frustrations that come with having a 2yr old! I found the first couple of chapters gave me a “reality check” to remind me that I’m parenting a toddler - who has no sense! And also appreciated being reminded to just enjoy and cherish this time in their little lives. I really enjoyed the chapters on behaviour - some really helpful, realistic, gentle parenting techniques on how to manage yourself (and then the toddler!) to get you through those tough moments. I skim read through the sleeping, feeding, toilet training chapters as I felt like we have a good understanding of what he was discussing already. I didn’t read through the last few chapters as they aren’t relevant to my parenting at this time.
Should you read this book? Yes. It’s a very good introductory guide into living with and parenting a toddler. It’s very easy to understand and apply his techniques - and they do work. To deal with difficult behaviours - he only recommends gentle parenting. He DOES NOT support or promote physical discipline such as smacking or hitting a child.
Most of his book is just good old common sense and the basics to bringing up your little one in a happy and thriving home.
Should you read this book? Yes. It’s a very good introductory guide into living with and parenting a toddler. It’s very easy to understand and apply his techniques - and they do work. To deal with difficult behaviours - he only recommends gentle parenting. He DOES NOT support or promote physical discipline such as smacking or hitting a child.
Most of his book is just good old common sense and the basics to bringing up your little one in a happy and thriving home.
March 17, 2018
If you don't have a 'problem child', beware of reading this book - generally patrionising, sometimes just rude (on nutrition: if the parents are fat lazy slobs who never leave the couch, what hope is there for the children?) and full of comments that 'parents whose kids don't to xyz particularly difficult behaviour in a given area are living the dream, they have a golden child and have no right to complain, ever'. I think the intention of such comments are meant to encourage the parents of the difficult child that yes, you have it harder than average in this particular area. But if you're on the other side of the fence you are likely to come out of it feeling completely invalidated.
The conversational style makes the book quite readable but unnecessarily long; at 400 pages it would be better distilled to 200-250 pages (eliminating all the 'such parents are idiots' comments would get most of the way there!)
If you can look past all that, there is a solid, common sense approach to parenting underneath. For me this was simply a 'you're on the right track just keep going' book rather than providing any groundbreaking insights.
The conversational style makes the book quite readable but unnecessarily long; at 400 pages it would be better distilled to 200-250 pages (eliminating all the 'such parents are idiots' comments would get most of the way there!)
If you can look past all that, there is a solid, common sense approach to parenting underneath. For me this was simply a 'you're on the right track just keep going' book rather than providing any groundbreaking insights.
March 2, 2021
It's fine advice. It is put forward simply, multiple times so you really don't have to worry about forgetting it or not understanding at first glance. I've found this quite, quite QUITE common in parenting books. I thought the bits about children with disabilities were unhelpful; I think for behavioral help for children with exceptionalities parents are much better asking from specialists/people who know their individual child. I found the section on time out and potty training helpful. I was very reassured by the survey which revealed that ONE HUNDRED PERCENT of parents of 2 yr olds thought their child was "active, hardly ever still". A resounding yes from this household.
October 17, 2019
Amusingly authoritative; in each paragraph you feel like you are getting mildly told off! This chap's book is a little outdated now but there is plenty of timeless and indispensable common sense advice. I came away feeling the rules of parenting are quite straightforward; it's just the tons of energy and tenacity needed to meet the job head-on! Must get more sleep while the little darling is soundly snoozing...!
September 25, 2021
Finally finished reading this classic Australian authored book about toddlers. It wasn't groundbreaking and it wasn't a full on theoretic tomb, though nor does it claim to be. Mostly filled with general information about what is 'normal' and commonsense. Written in the early 80s, it was still on a whole still relevant.
August 26, 2017
Never exactly finished, but I'm keeping it handy to dip into when I need moral support! There is some very useful material in here, although the style grates a bit in places. (Possibly newer editions rectify this.)
July 6, 2018
This is an easy to read book that covers many different topics in toddler rearing. A lot of it is common sense I suppose but it is good to read about it and it is written in a way that is easy to understand and does contain lots of different ideas particularly on discipline.
August 11, 2021
I was already struggling with how long winded and patriarchal this book was… and then came the example of how a rugby playing dad would be disappointed and confused by a son who enjoyed picking flowers and just couldn’t continue. I’m actually amazed this is still published.
September 10, 2018
The chapter about sleeping is really great. Helps a lot. Will definitely be using it. Great resource so I'm sure I'll be coming back to it.
January 7, 2020
Looking for ideas on discipline
January 12, 2020
Perfectly narrated and useful for early parents struggling to tame their kids
February 9, 2020
Cuando dice domar, se refiere a domar. Muy estricto aunque para gustos los colores.
March 3, 2025
AMAZING book, I've read so many parenting books but this is the best!
October 30, 2025
Read this so many times and also bought too many copies to mention as giving to so many friends with children over the years.
March 12, 2017
An eye-opener that every parent should read. Insightful, down-to-earth, practical information on what makes toddlers tick and how best to deal with it. The alarm-trick was - and still is - a lifesaver for us. The sleeptraining 'program' actually works. Green is occasionally a bit too happy with himself for my taste, but that doesn't diminish the sheer amount of useful information collected in this book. It covers everything from temper tantrums, to sleeping, to eating. If you have a toddler, or will have one soon, go read it, it will make your lifes easier and your child happier.
August 15, 2013
A review in bits:
I'm on page 56 out of 283 (1995 edition)
Information is logical so far however as a distinction student in Animal Behaviour I'm mightily unimpressed with the line:
Mr Green seems unaware of the oxymoron he created when he wrote that, no animal that is provoked to breaking point is deserving of being branded savage and their owner told to rudely "get rid" of it.
The advice should have been; all animal and child interaction should be closely monitored, do not allow children to poke a dogs eyes or pull their tail or ears, ditto cats. Dog's usually try and walk away from what is bothering them so if you see any signs your dog has had enough seperate the dog into a quiet room away from the toddler before the situation escalates. Dogs if known to attack with no prior warning that they are getting fed up should be muzzled around small children at all times or kept separate.
I think it goes without saying that as a mother our kids are our worlds and if any dog did try and savage our kids unprovoked ofcourse we would put the boot in without so much as a second thought. However if you choose to have both children and pets you are responsible for both. It's not rocket science, just use a bit of common sense and put some simple measures in place to prevent these incidences altogether.
Other than that HUGE mistake the book so far is pretty sensible... but not anything particularly revelationary and I've heard the advice more or less before from my own mum; "ignore the tantrum and then when they realise they are only wasting their own time and could be doing something better instead they will stop."
So far I'd rate it as a 2 star.
Now on page 135.
I Suppose the advice is grand if you never heard it before, or are completely clueless. But again personally I've heard similar advice already from my own parents, now the grandparents. Re: controlled crying, I'm surprised at this one, giving in to attention seeking behaviour after only five mins seems very inconsistent with the rest of Mr Green's advice, which all boils down to ignore the bad behaviours, and if that fails smack 'em [wtf].(remember my version is from 1995).
I'd still only rate this a 2.
Finished.... not much else to say about this really, just some or rather most of the stuff I fealt was or rather should be common knowledge anyway, and some small bits were just plain flawed so if you want to read this I suggest doing so with a pinch of salt
I'm on page 56 out of 283 (1995 edition)
Information is logical so far however as a distinction student in Animal Behaviour I'm mightily unimpressed with the line:
"Pets and Toddlers generally mix well. but there is no place in the same house for a savage dog that bites when teased, however important his role as guard dog may seem. Such animals should be sent back to the jungle where they belong."
Mr Green seems unaware of the oxymoron he created when he wrote that, no animal that is provoked to breaking point is deserving of being branded savage and their owner told to rudely "get rid" of it.
The advice should have been; all animal and child interaction should be closely monitored, do not allow children to poke a dogs eyes or pull their tail or ears, ditto cats. Dog's usually try and walk away from what is bothering them so if you see any signs your dog has had enough seperate the dog into a quiet room away from the toddler before the situation escalates. Dogs if known to attack with no prior warning that they are getting fed up should be muzzled around small children at all times or kept separate.
I think it goes without saying that as a mother our kids are our worlds and if any dog did try and savage our kids unprovoked ofcourse we would put the boot in without so much as a second thought. However if you choose to have both children and pets you are responsible for both. It's not rocket science, just use a bit of common sense and put some simple measures in place to prevent these incidences altogether.
Other than that HUGE mistake the book so far is pretty sensible... but not anything particularly revelationary and I've heard the advice more or less before from my own mum; "ignore the tantrum and then when they realise they are only wasting their own time and could be doing something better instead they will stop."
So far I'd rate it as a 2 star.
Now on page 135.
I Suppose the advice is grand if you never heard it before, or are completely clueless. But again personally I've heard similar advice already from my own parents, now the grandparents. Re: controlled crying, I'm surprised at this one, giving in to attention seeking behaviour after only five mins seems very inconsistent with the rest of Mr Green's advice, which all boils down to ignore the bad behaviours, and if that fails smack 'em [wtf].(remember my version is from 1995).
I'd still only rate this a 2.
Finished.... not much else to say about this really, just some or rather most of the stuff I fealt was or rather should be common knowledge anyway, and some small bits were just plain flawed so if you want to read this I suggest doing so with a pinch of salt
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
August 10, 2016
The thing I liked best about Dr Christopher Green's 'Toddler Taming' was the constant reminders to be realistic about what to expect from toddlers and to enjoy this stage of our children, there is, after all, so much wonder and magic in even the most difficult toddler.
I definitely found the earlier chapters more useful than the later ones, maybe because when I started reading this I was facing some of the 'terrible twos' with my own toddler, but on reading the book I soon realised these were minimal compared to what some parents faced and in fact, they soon passed on their own. For this reason, the book wasn't as great for me as it may be for others simply, because I didn't have the problems that the book was offering support to remedy (touch wood I wont need to go back to it!). However, I can see the logic and sense in much of what Dr Green suggests. I also like the way he presents his advice in a very non-judgemental way. Other parenting books very much put the onus on the parent and can seem to blame the parent for children's behaviours - not Dr Green!
Some of the later chapters seem to do little more than pay lip-service to topics, such as lone-parenting, working-parents, ADHD, grandparents. I am not sure they really add much value to the book, but then again, perhaps that is because these are not areas of concern for me.
Overall, I did like this book and will consider reading his follow-up book for the next stage of my children's development.
I definitely found the earlier chapters more useful than the later ones, maybe because when I started reading this I was facing some of the 'terrible twos' with my own toddler, but on reading the book I soon realised these were minimal compared to what some parents faced and in fact, they soon passed on their own. For this reason, the book wasn't as great for me as it may be for others simply, because I didn't have the problems that the book was offering support to remedy (touch wood I wont need to go back to it!). However, I can see the logic and sense in much of what Dr Green suggests. I also like the way he presents his advice in a very non-judgemental way. Other parenting books very much put the onus on the parent and can seem to blame the parent for children's behaviours - not Dr Green!
Some of the later chapters seem to do little more than pay lip-service to topics, such as lone-parenting, working-parents, ADHD, grandparents. I am not sure they really add much value to the book, but then again, perhaps that is because these are not areas of concern for me.
Overall, I did like this book and will consider reading his follow-up book for the next stage of my children's development.
January 2, 2009
TTe first chapter includes a table of what proportion of toddlers engage in antisociable behaviour (not sleeping, tantrums, attacking siblings, hyyperactivity etc) at what ages and is great for reassuring you that your child is 100% normal and even in some ways you're ver lucky to have them (when you realise they are in the other 30% not engaging in disgusting behaviour).
It also makes you feel that whateveryou do as a parent is the best thing while at the same time giving possible solutions to common problems.
It's been invaluable to me and I recommend it to all toddler mother. Unlike many parenting books, it doesn't matter what type of parent you are, whether you are into strict routines or a do whateve type, the book will apply to you and your children.
It also makes you feel that whateveryou do as a parent is the best thing while at the same time giving possible solutions to common problems.
It's been invaluable to me and I recommend it to all toddler mother. Unlike many parenting books, it doesn't matter what type of parent you are, whether you are into strict routines or a do whateve type, the book will apply to you and your children.
January 28, 2020
I read a 1990s edition of this book and was quick to find out that all the "taming" techniques that were revolutionary back then are just the norm now (bar smacking and a dose of sedation). This doesn't mean that those techniques are not any good these days. It just means if you have tried a lot of things that you read about from an army of mommy bloggers and still are at your wit's end, you may not find any magic cure here. Nevertheless the book is a joy to read. The author spends a lot of time convincing readers that their toddlers are perfectly normal despite their bad and very bad behaviours. A bit of reverse psychology for parents I guess. Although the author's voice was very sarcastic and brutally honest, overall he suggested a lot of love and patience, not much else.
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