Outing Yourself: How to Come Out to Your Family, Your Friends, and Your Coworkers

by Michelangelo Signorile, Betty Berzon (Introduction)

“Magnificent . . . interesting and clear . . . Signorile takes your hand and gently guides you through the entire self-outing process.”—Chaz Bono, The AdvocateFrom the author of Queer in America comes a complete, step-by-step guide to coming out of the closet—the first coming-out guide to the ’90s. Signorile’s pull-no-punches style gives this book a Susan Powter-ish Stop the Insanity! approach to a difficult and often mishandled experience.“Signorile’s book does a service simply by updating the crucial coming-out issue and analyzing, demstifying, and reframing it in a contemporary way appropriate to these complex times.”—Torie Osborn, The Los Angeles Times Book Review

Genres: LGBT, Queer, Nonfiction, Self Help

210 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 1, 1995

About the author

I'm a long-time journalist, author and activist and have worked for many publications. Currently, I host "The Michelangelo Signorile Show," on SiriusXM Progress 127, focusing on news, politics and culture. I am Editor at Large of Huffington Post Gay Voices, where I write on LGBT political and cultural issues.

Reviews

[7jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

(Used my Oscar Wilde bookmark reading this :) )

This book is a preparation guide for various ways of coming out, as lesbian, gay or other form of sexuality that's not heterosexual. It breaks the process into steps, though how long the whole thing (or even the steps) lasts can vary and one can go at one's preferred pace (most of the time).

A brief break on myself (put behind spoiler in case someone wants to just go on with the review):
Inner personal gender: genderqueer
Sexual preference:
Lesbian/lesboromantic (if looking at my outer gender; depending a little on my sex drive * lol *)
”I like women” (if it comes to looking at my inner gender)

Anyway… this book clearly shows its age (around 1995/6): The Internet is still new enough that personal computers aren't that common (the author has communicated with people more with letters), there's no online addresses – reliance mainly on books and phone addresses… also no doubt the books sections need to be updated, there's certainly more available now.

Also the author seems to think all closeted people are there out of fear and lack of knowledge/support sources, suffering and/or not feeling whole, being full of self-loathing. No doubt there are still many people who start like that, BUT not all closeted persons are like that. For myself, not being out has been more because of uncertainty of preference, lack of interest in sex (and sex drive coming in late) plus having other interests in the front of my life.

But moving on: the steps are dividable into two major groups – you and your friends, and family and workplace. There is plenty of real life example and stories throughout. More specific coming out steps are like this:
- Yourself (admitting it, getting rid of self-loathing, doing research)
- Other gay people (research places, making friends)
- Straight friends (preparing for reactions, timing)
- Family (parents preferably first, then others; right timing, checking your attitude, bringing home your partner and gay friends)
- Coworkers/workplace (assessing the attitude of the place, preparing if coming out is possible)
And finally a part on helpig others and keeping moving on.

Though one's not necessarily suffering before coming out, it's pretty certain that one will feel free-er and more like oneself after. Less hiding, more you. So whatever one's been, this will be helpful for becoming more. * nods* :)

[Eli · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was really informative. It was published in the 1990s, I believe. So I have to admit that some of it's credibility was compromised because times have changed a little. But it did provide a great system of how to come out to yourself, your friends, your family, and your coworkers. Signorile also supplied numerous helpful real-life stories from gay men and lesbians who have taken steps to come out.

Signorile really focused on the internalization of homophobia, citing it as the key reason why it is so hard for LGBTQ+ people to come out, even to ourselves. That's his underlying thesis for this entire book, and I think it's entirely plausible and I hate to admit that I had not considered that before in those terms.

Even though this book is a little outdated, it still does it's job. It offers book resources, group and parent resources, coming-out stories, and steps to take in your process because every process is different.

[Nessie · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5 stars,
I got this book for free from my universities counselling building. It has some valuable advice and thoughts to ponder, and really hit home at times. That said, a lot of it is outdated, I see why they were getting rid of it. It's also rather American centred.

[James · Rating 3 out of 5]

Several helpful ideas (including one, finding a coming out support group, that I am going to follow up on), but you have to get through the brainwashy bit at the beginning first. I read the 1995 edition, and I think it was a different time to come out than it is now. So I think it's safe to ignore the first few chapters that INSIST you must abandon all thoughts of your former life, learn every aspect of gay history and start marching in equality parades as outdated. It writes from a position of a substantially more embattled minority than exists today, although obviously it was through the efforts of unabashedly gay culture that got us where we are obviously.

Anyway, everything past the first couple chapters is really good and less pressure-filled, especially the parts on finding a coming out support group and how to come out to your family, which were hard to read for personal reasons.

Hopefully the updated version is better, but I still suspect there might be better coming out books out there.

[Holly Hobby]

this isn't for me... its for a friend

[Nick Robot · Rating 5 out of 5]

🤔 good to know…

[Allison Thurman]

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