The Breakup Bible: The Smart Woman's Guide to Healing from a Breakup or Divorce

by Rachel A. Sussman

Breakups are an unfortunate but inevitable part of every woman’s life, and there’s no denying that the heartache experienced after the ending of a serious relationship can be excruciating. But it doesn’t have to feel insurmountable, and there is always hope to be found.  In The Breakup Bible, psychotherapist and breakup expert Rachel Sussman reveals the secrets every woman needs to get her life back on track. Drawing on hundreds of counseling sessions she’s conducted with women at all stages of recovery, Sussman developed a proven 3-phase process for healing from a breakup. The Breakup Bible takes women through Healing, Understanding, and Transformation, with new perspectives and advice from real, healed women at each step. Sussman’s plan for getting over the end of a relationship is revolutionary and sound, complete with steps for creating a personalized Love Map, a vital and groundbreaking tool for moving on after a breakup.   The Breakup Bible proves that it is possible to not only survive a breakup, but to emerge from one as an even stronger, empowered woman.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction, Relationships, Divorce, Love, Audiobook, Psychology

354 pages, Kindle Edition

Published December 27, 2011

Reviews

[Danielle · Rating 2 out of 5]

I initially borrowed this book from the library hoping it would help me cope with the recent breakup of my 14 year relationship. I found the book was very informative and helpful if you're the one who was dumped or cheated on but in my case I'm the one who left the relationship. I didn't find the book was of much use to me. I still feel the same emotions as someone who was dumped/abandoned/cheated on but there wasn't anything in this book to help the women who leave good men who didn't do anything wrong. I guess we're a small portion of the population. Nonetheless it was a great book and I'd recommend it to anyone going through a breakup or divorce.

[Sarah · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very handy guide. Sometimes the enthusiasm and "You can do it!" spirit of it feels a bit contrived, and it would be an stretch to say that the book's guidelines can be molded to every situation and cultural context.

But I really, really like the organic transition the author makes to discussing the ex and the breakup to focusing on you and rebuilding your life. She also talks about the complexities of dealing with exes you have children with and the evasiveness of closure. One of the most useful parts was getting the reader to make their "personal love maps," or reflect on how she might have been expecting her relationship to meet any unmet needs she had while growing up. (I know, I'm no fan of blaming family or reliving the past either, but I now think that it can be helpful to do such an exercise.) I also especially liked how she dispels common fears about dying alone, so that it's hard not to end the book on with a positive outlook.

Highly recommended, even to women who aren't necessarily in the midst post-breakup healing, but are confused about their love lives and why their past relationships haven't worked out.

[Dylan Mickanen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very helpful. I may never log on this app again but I read this.

[Ivy Zhang · Rating 3 out of 5]

the only reason i read the book is i am helping fellowship group people in their relationship. i am not sure how much useful the method in the book can be applied. when there ia relationship broken down , people experience mental and physical pains , then accept the pains, transform in the end. the process is more or less is like what the book discusses. what i found going through the process varies from a person to person. one important thing during the process is aweareness. awaring the pain is there and awaring the pain has its benefits. when people are really going this process, i am not sure how much help the book can provide.

[Racheal · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book told me a lot of what I already knew about self-healing but is also very inspirational as far as what women can do to help themselves after breakups or divorces. The part of the book that I favored the most was regarding the section about your "personal love map". I thought it was interesting and eye opening to see how childhood and past events can affect the way each person loves (and shows/gives their love) in each love relationship. That particular section gave me a lot of insight into my own past relationships as well as myself in how I show and give love the way I do. Overall it was a very interesting read.

[Lorianne · Rating 4 out of 5]

I found this at my local library and decided to read it. It helped out a lot. I found some great insight on my last relationship. I actually did most of the projects (most were fairly simple) and they actually helped me with myself and my life. I think this is a great book to read no matter how early or late it was from a breakup. This helped me heal and help me put things into perspective.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Although the book has very good points, and is efficient in its purpose, a little dose of comedy would go a long way and there just wasn't enough. However, I would recommend it to anyone who is grieving over an ended marriage or just moving on in general.

[Gina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Game changer. Sussman is encouraging and reaffirming and unwavering in her determination to help women in need. Covers the initial period following a breakup to our transformation into self-assured, successful, happy women!

[Lori · Rating 4 out of 5]

Reading this book will go a long way in helping with any woman recovering from a breakup or divorce. Rachel gives you homework to do on yourself, your history and that of your ex. This book is just full of information and I think any woman going through this process should read it.

[Georgina · Rating 3 out of 5]

As many people know, I have recently been involved in quite a disastrous break up. For a while, the pain felt insurmountable and never-ending and there was only so much talking I could do. As supportive and amazing my friends and family are, they have their own lives, and I could only moan, whine and complain so much before becoming disrespectful to their own problems. My relationship ended suddenly due to infidelity and numerous issues coming to a head, and I struggled to comprehend why I had allowed myself to deal with these issues for so long. This book helped me come to terms that there were deeper issues involved, such as feeling like I was walking on eggshells and being afraid to raise an issue for fear of an argument. Rachel Sussman narrated like an experienced friend, validating my emotions whilst also providing me the tools to help solve my own problems. Drawing from her own experience as a psychotherapist and using the anecdotes of countless other women, Rachel helped me feel a little less alone and a bit more positive that I would come out the other side, stronger and more optimistic about the future.
I would advise though; this book is steered towards people that are on the receiving end of the breakup (especially if it was not amicable). This book took me through several coping mechanisms and helped me receive closure and explanations that were not given to me when my relationship ended (over text!). Providing invaluable advice that I deserve so much better than what was given to me, and that there was something I could do to ensure not to fall into the same traps. This book gave me the blunt, honest truths and helped me to take accountability for my part of the relationship failure. I worked my way through the 3 sections of the book, each section based on different stages of post-breakup. I especially love that this book does not use faith and mindfulness as much as other self-help books, as I felt that I could have a hand in my own recovery.
I strongly recommend this book if you are in a difficult place and are ready for some home truths whilst receiving a supporting hand of comfort. This book was so beautifully written and hit so many points on the head. However, I felt that I knew most of the contents, I just needed to read it and give myself a good kick up the arse. In some areas, the book can feel a little contrived and I felt longing for some sections to end. The sections that felt irrelevant to me, may be life changing for another reader, so please take my criticisms with a pinch of salt. Overall, a very useful guide and provides a good pick-me-up for a rainy day.

[Phelecia Odima · Rating 4 out of 5]

Rachel Sussman, LCSW writes with poignant clarity but with warmth and kindness. The whole book felt like multiple therapy sessions with a kind and gentle therapist who is also very factual and straight to the point. I appreciated the excercises in the book and the women's testimonies in each chapter. By the end of the book I felt relieved, encouraged and ready to live my best life individually first. A big chunk of the book focuses on self-improvement and confidence/happiness boosting practices. She delivers great advice for every stage of a breakup and I especially love that she does not use religion as much as most other self-help books tend to do. Although her tips were awesome, I wish the book had been more scientific, quoting and citing actual studies in the text. But I didn't mind this too much because she is an expert who's words and advice come from her own knowledge and hands-on experience, so I took them as such. So overall I highly recommend this book to anyone in need of a pick-me-up, especially but not only after a break-up.

[Paige · Rating 3 out of 5]

While I wouldn't wish heartbreak on even my worst enemies, this book gave me some good information to help me sort through the overwhelming amount of emotions I have been dealing with over the last 3 months.

While I would not say this book is the holy grail of self-help breakup books, it did help me and that's what matters! Everyone will have different thoughts or get different insights from this book based on their relationship situation and where they are at in the healing process. It is definitely more catered to women who have been left and not women who did the leaving.

[JTGlow · Rating 4 out of 5]

4.5
Fast read, conversational tone throughout with plenty of encouragement. This might land differently depending on how far into the divorce process you are, but the advice is solid.

Not five stars because it still promotes the idea that you have to be coupled to be happy/fulfilled and that's part of what got me into the mess that I had to get out of. It created some critical distance for me to hear about the happy relationships at the end of the rainbow blah blah. Other than that? Worth the time.

Pet peeve: at least 3 typos.

[Madeline]

Okay, earnest review incoming.
I loved this book. It really helped me in a time of crisis. I had hit rockbottom and was sitting the an airport after my whole life / relationship had crumbled around me when I found this book. It really acted as a guide as I began to rebuild my life. It was the thing that kept me afloat and having to read a few pages every night, the book turned into my bible. If you're struggling and need someone to take the reigns to help you move forward, this is the book for you.

[Aimee · Rating 4 out of 5]

I picked up this book after the recent end of my LTR. I thought that the focus on moving through the three stages of healing, understanding, and transformation was helpful. I skimmed the book the first time through to get a possible road map and list of activities, and then I got a journal and started working through the book again in more detail. I'm using this but also working on the 5 steps of the Conscious Uncoupling process as well.

[Laura Hughes · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is not the kind of book you can just read through. You need to read this book one chapter at a time. I picked this book from the library and had to renew it more than once.

For someone who is going through a breakup from an engagement, a divorce, or a serious relationship, there is great advice to take hold of. I am in the middle of reading this book and trying to digest what I need to do while I'm in the middle of a breakup.

Great read!

[Wisty · Rating 3 out of 5]

I saw another review that said this book is definitely more geared towards someone who was broken up with, rather than does the breaking up. I totally agree. Still, there was a lot of interesting psychology in this, and some cool suggestions. I mostly appreciated the chapter where the author shared her own story, and the chapter about dating again. She's a smart cookie, probably a great friend/therapist to have.

[Bridgette · Rating 3 out of 5]

Bargaining, obsessing, normal stage of healing, validation and closure is a myth, avoider defender interesting to understand in terms of how they do or don’t take responsibility, what has been going on in everyone’s life that led to outcome, factors of midlife crisis- constraint, career, emotional vacation from stressors, attachment styles

[Harmonie Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

I chose the audiobook and it's brilliant. I am divorced. This book offers strategies for recovery: Healing. Understanding. Restoration. I highly recommend anyone who has had a breakup or who is considering a breakup to read this book. You'll analyze yourself and understand yourself better and at the end you'll feel empowered, encouraged, and excited about what's next.

[ellen · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a gem of bibliotherapy and one of the most in-depth explorations of attachment theory that I’ve read. I’d recommend this to people even if they aren’t in the aftermath of a relationship split - as it sets a good framework for examining yourself and your life.

[Lex📖🌶️🤠 · Rating 5 out of 5]

The perfect book for people that think with their head not their hearts. It helped me, someone who just needs to understand “why”. Breakups with no reason make it harder to move on, so this book helped me figure out the reason.

[Julie Liming · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book may have saved my life. If not my life, at least my sanity.

[Leentje · Rating 4 out of 5]

Heel boeiend zelfhulpboek bij een relatiebreuk.

[Peculiar · Rating 4 out of 5]

Valuable Advice .

[Maria · Rating 5 out of 5]

I listened to this book and then bought it. Fantastic - really practical advice and a good plan.

[Book Worm · Rating 1 out of 5]

Extremely generalised....not a big help and usually assumes that the couple is married rather than dating and living apart

[kata · Rating 1 out of 5]

This is not a breakup Bible. If you're like me and you're looking for a book that will actually help you after a break up, try: "It's called brekup because it's broken".

[Tanya G · Rating 5 out of 5]

Helpful and informative. Taught me about lots of important psychological concepts. Listened as an audiobook.

[Traci · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really liked this book. It was easy to connect with the message the author was sending and really helped me make it through a rough break up.

[Maria Zaky · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good and loyal companion in your harsh breakup phase! Recommended if you are in such a phase.