Hello, this is the other me, the therapist.
And this is a case, not a book I’m writing about.
The case of a domestic abuse.
The heroine is a young model that after the death of her parents has always taken care of her younger brother. He’s her only family and he’s a teenager with the issues of every teenager.
She meets a shallow playboy older than her and she marries him after being his mistress for some time.
The man is an abusive manipulator, a narcissist incapable of empathy and love. He expect her to care for nobody but him.
He’s jealous of her brother, of her job, of everything that keeps her from him.
This is typical of narcissists, that have a low self esteem and constantly need the other’s attention to feel safe. A narcissist is only seemingly a self confident person, deep inside he suffers from lack of self esteem.
So he and the heroine constantly fight because he is not the center of her universe and dare love another person, her brother.
After one of their rows he threatens her to go with another woman if she goes to her brother, who was having issues at school.
The heroine leaves then comes back and goes to the party where they both had been invited.
Yes, the big thing he was angry about was a shallow party of who knows who’s-friend of the hero.
And there she sees him making out with one of his former mistresses.
She leaves him.
She receives also a message from said woman who informs her that she had sex with hero and was not the first time.
The heroine was pregnant and lost her child
One year later the heroine asks him for a divorce and he blackmails her with her brother’s welfare: she will come back to him or he will send her teenage brother to jail.
Then he proceeds to demean her, debase her, manipulate her and eventually he will force her to have sex, blatantly tells her he had ow during their separation and basically tells her she’s guilty of everything happened.
He never apologizes.
He didn’t sleep with ow, so apparently she’s guilty for not believing him, even after seeing him making out with ow and seeing their pictures in the newspapers.
He’s a master of manipulation and emotional blackmail.
He uses emotional blackmail to keep her and since she’s a dependent trait of personality, which means she has low self esteem and would go to any lengths to keep her partner, she admits she’s guilty of all, she even admits it was her who pushed him in ow’s arms.
I hated this man with all my soul.
Unfortunately this kind of men exist in real life.
There are different types of abusive partner.
There’s the physical abusive partner, who is a coward, and who succeeds in keeping his victim because she’s afraid to leave.
There’s the emotional and psychological abusive partner who belittle and demeans his victim and this is a sadist and more dangerous than the physical abusive one, because it is based on the loss of self esteem and self confidence of his victim.
It’s easier to get free from a physically abusive man because the victim eventually hates him, and even if she may think she deserves to be treated badly, she eventually can’t stand the physical pain any longer and asks for help.
But a mentally and emotionally abused woman soon loses her self, and is unable to function and becomes dependent on her partner in a dysfunctional and destructive way. She thinks she deserves her abuses and she ends to believe that she is a worthless person.
When she - if she- asks for help, there’s not much of her left, and it’s very difficult to help her restore her self respect, confidence and esteem.
I hated how the writer wants to persuade the readers that actually it’s her fault for what happened and that a man making out with ow is all right.
Of course he cheated.
Of course it was him who was wrong.
He’s an awful person.
A real monster.
The boogeyman of our worst nightmares.
He sucks all the good that is in her, and leaves her with nothing.
When did he ever give her something?
When did he ever care about her suffering?
Did he ever wonder if she was hurt seeing him making out with ow??
No to everything.
He was the more experienced one, he should have cared for her and understood her and to helped her, not emotionally blackmail her.
And if he was not satisfied with their marriage he should have told her and should have asked - eventually- a separation.
He doesn’t love her because a man like this is unable to love anyone.
He only uses blackmail, threatening and forced seduction as a means to keep his wife with him.
Of course he will use this way again.
The saddest thing is that she had his son.
Another tool he will surely use in the future to blackmail her if something in their marriage will not satisfy him.
And please, save me the racist thing that he’s Portuguese, as if it’s a justification for his abject behavior.
I hope nobody consider this book as an example of a couple solving their issues because it’s not.