Worrying Is Optional: Break the Cycle of Anxiety and Rumination That Keeps You Stuck

by Ben Eckstein, Lisa W. Coyne (Foreword)

Worry happens. Worrying is optional.

We live in an increasingly uncertain world, and if you struggle with worry, you aren’t alone. You should also know that there’s nothing wrong with worry. Worry happens to all of us—and it can even be helpful at times. But excessive worrying—the kind that keeps us up at night, interferes with our thinking during the day, and hijacks our ability to make decisions—is a big, big problem. The good news is that, while worry is inevitable, worrying is completely optional. This book will show you how to break free from the unhelpful thinking habits that keep you stuck in a loop of rumination and anxiety.

With help from this upbeat guide, you’ll learn to build your own customizable, anti-worrying toolbox using skills and strategies from metacognitive therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). You’ll discover the science behind why you worry, and how to put the brakes on unhelpful rumination and anxious thoughts—before they kick your worry and anxiety into high gear.

With this go-to guide, you

Gain a better understanding of worry Learn why worry happens Know when to draw the line at disruptive worrying Challenge perfectionism and accept uncertainty   There’s no one-size-fits-all treatment for anxiety and worry, but by assembling an arsenal of tools, skills, and strategies, excessive worry can be managed effectively. This book will help you get started now.

Genres: Psychology, Self Help, Mental Health, Nonfiction, Audiobook

170 pages, Kindle Edition

Published November 1, 2023

Reviews

[Rachel Pollock · Rating 4 out of 5]

Recommended by my therapist, written by a mentor of hers. Super helpful.

[Cori · Rating 5 out of 5]

This little book surprised me. I call myself a worrier, so this was a perfect fit. Eckstein comes from a knowledgeable position and uses his past experiences to offer concrete strategies for living with worry. Eckstein's tone is simple, informal, and approachable. I think I may just need a physical copy of this one!

[Lauren Kemp · Rating 5 out of 5]

The best book of this genre I have read. It is clear from page 1 that the author knows this topic inside and out. I am yet to read a more informed, more realistic, and more helpful collection of writings surrounding anxious thought patterns. Highly recommend.

[joyce w. laudon · Rating 4 out of 5]

The author of this book wisely notes that we all worry at times. However, worrying as a chronic way of relating to the world and living a life can certainly takes its toll. Mr. Eckstein wants to offer readers a tool kit to cope with this often harrowing emotion.

Using knowledge from different therapeutic schools such as ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) and CBT (cognitive behavioral therapy), readers will develop strategies. As a result, this book will be most welcome for its audience.

The author writes in a clear and direct style. Read each of the four sections including Understanding Worry, Changing Your Relationship to Worry, Challenging Worry and Living Unbound From Worry and then, hopefully, feel more on top of things as understanding and new skills develop. As the author notes, worry and anxiety will not completely disappear butthe reader will likely be able to better co-exist with these feelings.

Many thanks to NetGalley and New Harbinger Publications. All opinions are my own.

[Karin H. · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Worrying Is Optional: Break the Cycle of Anxiety and Rumination That Keeps You Stuck" authored by Ben Eckstein and Lisa W. Coyne is a compelling guide that delves into the pervasive struggle with worry in an increasingly uncertain world. This comprehensive book not only acknowledges the universality of worry as a human experience but also provides invaluable insights into effectively managing it. The authors emphasize that while worry is a natural response, excessive and persistent worrying can have detrimental consequences, impacting our sleep, daily functioning, decision-making, and overall well-being.

The book commences by assuring readers that to some extent, worry is a normal response to life's uncertainties. However, it firmly distinguishes between occasional, functional worrying and the kind of worry that becomes overwhelming and counterproductive. The latter can lead to a relentless cycle of rumination and anxiety, hindering our ability to navigate life's challenges.

At its core, the book conveys an empowering message: worrying is a choice. The authors assert that individuals have the agency to decide whether or not to engage in excessive worry. This perspective forms the bedrock of their strategy for breaking free from the cycle of unhelpful rumination and anxiety.

To facilitate this transformation, the book introduces readers to a plethora of therapeutic approaches and techniques sourced from metacognitive therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). The authors stress the importance of tailoring these techniques to individual needs, encouraging readers to construct their own personalized toolkit for managing worry.

Readers embark on a comprehensive journey encompassing various facets of worry. This includes gaining insight into the underlying mechanisms of worry, identifying its triggers, and acquiring the skills to set boundaries to prevent it from spiraling out of control. The book also explores tackling perfectionism and embracing uncertainty—two common factors that contribute to excessive worry.

[Jennifer B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worrying Is Optional
By: Ben Eckstein; Lisa W. Coyne
Review Score: 4 Stars

Boogie’s Bulletpoints

-I learned so much more about how worry works inside our brains.

-There are some really great tips and tricks on how to “re-train” your brain in terms of worry.

-I love the idea of figuring out your values, and using that as a guide.

-Even if you are not a constant worrier, you will find something interesting in this book.

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Worrying Is Optional was kindly provided as an ARC by Netgalley and New Harbinger Publications. Thank you for allowing me to read this wonderful book!

Release Date: Out now!

I am definitely someone who worries. I tend to have a lot of anxiety, and I am constantly looking for ways to help myself (including medication. No shame there).

Worrying is Optional does a great job of breaking down our worries, and gives some really great tips and tricks on overcoming those worries. You have to put in the work, obviously, but I found myself constantly making notes on things to start trying for my own worries.

Even if you are not normally an anxious person, you will find some great tips and tricks that you can use on the chance you are feeling a bit of worry about something.

[Lucy · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was great for helping me consider my own anxieties, and process more than I realized I needed to.

This was well written and nicely structured, which made it easy enough to read.

I found it very helpful.

[Sarah Buron · Rating 3 out of 5]

3.5 stars! This was a very textbook-style read, packed with plenty of information and tools that could benefit pretty much anyone. Thanks to NetGalley for the advanced copy in exchange for my honest review!

[J Kromrie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thanks to the publisher and Netgalley for this eARC.

Worrying Is Optional: Break the Cycle of Anxiety and Rumination That Keeps You Stuck By Ben Eckstein; Foreword by Lisa W. Coyne

In a world that often feels like it’s spinning out of control, “Worrying Is Optional” emerges as a beacon of hope for those caught in the relentless storm of anxiety and rumination. Authors Ben Eckstein and Lisa W. Coyne have crafted a guide that is not just a book but a journey towards self-liberation from the shackles of worry.

The book is divided into four insightful sections: Understanding Worry, Changing Your Relationship to Worry, Challenging Worry, and Living Unbound From Worry. Each section builds upon the last, creating a comprehensive roadmap for readers who seek to understand their worry, not as an enemy, but as a misguided friend.

Eckstein’s prose is clear and direct, devoid of the jargon that often plagues self-help literature. His approach is grounded in the practical application of metacognitive therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT). The book doesn’t just preach; it equips readers with an arsenal of tools, skills, and strategies to manage excessive worry effectively.

One of the book’s strengths is its acknowledgment that worry is a natural part of the human experience. It’s not about eliminating worry entirely but learning to coexist with it. The strategies outlined are not one-size-fits-all but are presented as a customizable toolbox that readers can adapt to their unique situations.

The tone of the book is upbeat, yet it doesn’t shy away from the reality that the path to managing worry is a challenging one. It’s this balance of optimism and realism that makes “Worrying Is Optional” a standout in its genre.

In summary, “Worrying Is Optional” is a must-read for anyone who finds themselves in the throes of anxiety. It’s a book that doesn’t just offer temporary solace but strives to empower its readers with lasting change. Whether you’re a chronic worrier or someone who faces occasional bouts of anxiety, this book has something to offer you. It’s a reminder that while worry may be inevitable, staying stuck in it is certainly optional.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

In Worrying Optional, Ben Eckstein LCSW has written a brand-new book to assist with dealing with anxiety and worrying. He is a therapist who helps clients and he is witnessed a rise in people struggling with worrying. He explained how we have to learn to coexist with it and not all of it is bad. He described the difference between the noun and the verb: worry and worrying. He defined worry as, “initial thought, the doubt that arises in your mind, the awareness of uncertainty.” He explained how worrying needs to be considered active and we get to choose if we do so. He also looked at how anxiety becomes problematic when we respond to it in ways that leads us to amplify it. He explored the five stages of the anxiety cycle. He also looked at five reasons you can’t change and their rationales. He ends the book with ways to break the cycle of worrying and breaking habits.


One of my favorite chapters discussed values and sorting them into three categories. Theses included acceptance, bravery, commitment, courage, integrity, family, self-respect, just to name a few. He careful clarified how we must not wait on life and for our thoughts and feelings to change before we get to catching after the life that we want. He shared how we can move towards or away from our values.


I would recommend this helpful book to anyone who is consumed by fear, worrying, and anxiety. I liked how he went into detail about the difference between worrying and worry. I appreciated how he tried to help readers to get to the root of the anxiety and break the cycle of worry. I can tell he has seen a lot of clients who struggle with anxiety and this book provides a way for us to start living the life that we always wanted to.




"I received this book free from New Harbinger Publications for my honest review.”

[Emily Solow · Rating 5 out of 5]

I highly recommend this book for anyone who struggles with feelings of anxiety and worry (don’t we all from time to time?). This was an engaging read that kept my interest and provided me with specific skills to respond to worry in a more adaptive way.

Ben Eckstein, an esteemed therapist who specializes in the treatment of anxiety, OCD, and related conditions, pulls from evidence-based practices including Acceptance and Commitment Therapy, Exposure and Response Prevention (a specific branch of CBT), and Inference-Based Cognitive Behavioral Therapy to provide scientifically supported ways to help readers better cope with worry.

The pages are infused with ideas and strategies to help folks relate differently to the thoughts that perpetuate the anxiety cycle. The author does a fantastic job breaking down concepts to be digestible and easy to understand, and provides brief exercises to practice new skills. This allows readers to implement skills on their own (or with the help of a therapist for extra support). The author’s sense of humor and relatable stories make this an enjoyable read about the not-so-enjoyable experience of worry!

As both a psychotherapist and a self-identified worrier, I found this book to be immensely helpful both professionally and personally. I have already started applying the concepts to my own sticky worry thoughts and have been enthusiastic to share these skills and concepts with my therapy clients. If you want to gain your life back from worry, this book is a must read!

[Laura B · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was a thoughtful, compassionate and helpful book on managing anxiety or worrying. The most important thing to learn is that worries and worrying are different.

Worries are the thoughts or doubts that your mind sometimes produces. These are normal and ok. We can learn to observe them and simply accept them as thoughts. The worrying refers to the excessive, nagging, incessant fretting and dramatic all-or-nothing or catastrophizing or overgeneralisation that we might engage in. These are not helpful. This book helps us separate these and manage them.

I especially liked the idea of having a “coping script.” The final chapter on the characteristics of non-worriers was also very helpful. This book offered guidelines and steps that are immediately usable. The perspective offered changes the way I think when I “worry” and I feel hopeful that I can live in peace with the discomfort that worries exist and that that is fine. I’m very grateful. Highly recommended.

(I received a free review copy from NetGalley.)

[Farah G · Rating 4 out of 5]

While some amount of worry is a natural response to the uncertainties of life and the challenges we face, the fact is, excessive worrying can actually be very debilitating. Those who suffer from such anxiety are well aware of the consequences, and this book offers some tips and techniques on how to manage anxiety-related challenges more effectively.

Among other things, the book puts forward the idea that worrying is something we can control. At least to some degree. That idea is in itself quite empowering for many.

To help people to do get this issue under control, the book offers a range of techniques drawn from cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT). By implementing some of these measures, those who are prone to worrying can achieve a measure of relief from that particular hamster wheel.

All in all, this is a really useful resource for anyone looking for help with such challenges. Definitely worth checking out.

I received a free copy of this book from Netgalley in exchange for an honest review

[Leslie McKee · Rating 3 out of 5]

Many people don't consider worrying optional, so this could be helpful in putting things in perspective. Things are laid out in an easy-to-understand manner. Real-life examples are included which may resonate with readers. The authors point out that, to a degree, worrying is a normal response to life's trials. But they also layout the difference between functional worry and that which is counterproductive. They try to help the reader see that worry, in many cases, is a choice we make daily. This concept is behind breaking the cycle. Various therapeutic approaches are mentioned (such as Cognitive Behavioral Therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy).

TW: The pandemic is addressed, which will likely impact how some readers feel about this book. I know that, for me, it's still too soon, and it did affect my rating.

[Erik Nelson · Rating 4 out of 5]

The best part of Worrying is Optional was the chapter on the difference between values and goals. I liked how the author pointed out that kids often focus only on goals. So for example saying things like “I want to be a lawyer”—without considering the deeper values behind them, such as caring about justice.

I also liked the part on diffusion, I didn't know it was called that - the idea is to notice a thought—“I see that I’m thinking xyz”—rather than immediately believing or reacting to it. A simple technique is humor, like saying to yourself, “Good one, brain, you’re on a roll today.” This helps break the grip of negative thoughts.

[Nicole Duncan · Rating 5 out of 5]

As a client of the author, I’ve always joked that I wished I could carry around his wisdom in my back pocket to use when I needed it most. And now I get that opportunity! Ben takes an easy going approach to the inner workings of our brains and defines everything in laymen’s terms. He uses science and data with a dose of humor and a generous helping of compassion in his delivery. Highly recommend for anyone struggling with anxiety, OCD, and other anxiety disorders.

[Kelly Pramberger]

I come from a family of worriers. This title caught my attention because my worry doesn't feel optional. It's been part of me for so long. The book did help me to understand more of where it stems from and how to put anxious thoughts aside. I liked the structure of the book. I plan to share this tile with family like my mom and brother! Thanks to NetGalley for the ARC.

[Bailey Alexander · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really Great

This book explains worrying so well whether you’re new to the topic or like me already know all about it through lived experience with ocd. I love that it includes practical exercises to implement what you’re learning throughout. Organized well and written clearly and with occasional humor. I highly recommend if you struggle with anxiety or compulsions!

[Miso Kim · Rating 3 out of 5]

Overall not ground breaking but listened to the audiobook for bibliotherapy purposes with a client. The first couple of chapters breaking it down helped me to conceptualize my clients presentations but the rest of the book wasn’t new content. The narrator for the audiobook is also hella dry lol. But a good way to connect with my client in session to dig deeper into topics so that was great.

[Rose · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent resource to have on hand. The age old question of I worry too much only to find out it is normal and required to a certain degree. Hence the excellent resource to have on hand for the moments that worry gets out of hand!

[CS Kempf · Rating 5 out of 5]

Very easy to understand and apply

Very easy to understand and apply. Doesn't promise you will be worry Cree but how to be aware when you begin to go down that rabbit hole and turn your attention to something else.

[Martin · Rating 3 out of 5]

This didn't go as deep as I would have liked. I've read many books on CBT and ACT and this I thought, would really target worry head on - but I feel it didn't do that.

Maybe I need to give it another read.

[Jennifer · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a really great book. I found some really great suggestions to combat my worry.

[Keijo · Rating 2 out of 5]

Generic, shallow and unhelpful. Much like 99% of the self-help industry.

[Sam With Veggies · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really nice little book with some great information. Another great clinical tool.

[Jenna · Rating 4 out of 5]

A helpful adjunct to my talk therapy for anxiety, a good presentation of facts and therapeutic ideals followed by recommended activities to utilize techniques mentioned in the book

[Renee · Rating 4 out of 5]

3.5*

[Spencer Brown · Rating 4 out of 5]

Interesting self help book. Simple explanations to mitigate serious problems.

[Sarah · Rating 3 out of 5]

Listened to on Libby.

Nothing really exciting honestly.

[Hannah Norris · Rating 1 out of 5]

*audiobook* DNF around 30% - so so boring I just couldn’t get into it.