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Solve Your Child's Sleep Problems
The completely revised and updated edition of the all-time bestselling book on children’s sleep problems, with important new insights and solutions from Dr. Richard Ferber, the nation’s leading authority on children’s sleep problems.
Does your child have difficulty falling asleep? Wake in the middle of the night? Suffer sleep terrors, sleepwalking, or nighttime fears? Have difficulty waking for school or staying awake in class? Snore, wet the bed, or head bang?
In the first major revision of his bestselling, groundbreaking classic since it was published, Dr. Richard Ferber, the nation’s foremost authority on children’s sleep problems, delivers safe, sound ideas for helping your child fall and stay asleep at night and perform well during the day.
Incorporating new research, Dr. Ferber provides important basic information that all parents should know regarding the nature of sleep and the development of normal sleep and body rhythms throughout childhood. He discusses the causes of most sleep problems from birth to adolescence and recommends an array of proven solutions for each so that parents can choose the strategy that works best for them. Topics covered in detail Bedtime difficulties and nighttime wakings, effective strategies for naps, sleep schedule abnormalities, a balanced look at co-sleeping, new insights into the nature of sleep terrors and sleepwalking, problems in setting limits, and sleep apnea, narcolepsy, bed-wetting, and head banging.
Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems offers priceless advice and concrete help for a whole new generation of anxious, frustrated, and overtired parents.
Does your child have difficulty falling asleep? Wake in the middle of the night? Suffer sleep terrors, sleepwalking, or nighttime fears? Have difficulty waking for school or staying awake in class? Snore, wet the bed, or head bang?
In the first major revision of his bestselling, groundbreaking classic since it was published, Dr. Richard Ferber, the nation’s foremost authority on children’s sleep problems, delivers safe, sound ideas for helping your child fall and stay asleep at night and perform well during the day.
Incorporating new research, Dr. Ferber provides important basic information that all parents should know regarding the nature of sleep and the development of normal sleep and body rhythms throughout childhood. He discusses the causes of most sleep problems from birth to adolescence and recommends an array of proven solutions for each so that parents can choose the strategy that works best for them. Topics covered in detail Bedtime difficulties and nighttime wakings, effective strategies for naps, sleep schedule abnormalities, a balanced look at co-sleeping, new insights into the nature of sleep terrors and sleepwalking, problems in setting limits, and sleep apnea, narcolepsy, bed-wetting, and head banging.
Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems offers priceless advice and concrete help for a whole new generation of anxious, frustrated, and overtired parents.
464 pages, Paperback
First published January 1, 1985
1484 people are currently reading
1571 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 466 reviews
May 7, 2008
Dang it if it doesn't work! We put this book off as a last resort to get our 6-month-old to sleep through the night. She was waking up every hour. We tried all kinds of "no cry" solutions for 2 months with little to no change; but Ferber had her sleeping through the night in a week and a half (it would have been quicker than that but I was too chicken to follow the rules completely--I wish I had).
Definitely read it at least. I was completely misled by all the myths out there and found it to be far, far more humane than people lead you to believe. Besides, the progressive waiting technique ("crying it out" as it is inaccurately named), is only ONE thing he talks about. Ferber addresses every possible sleep problem and ways to correct them.
Personal note: The longest stretch of crying our daughter endured was 1 1/2 hours on the first night, but even that was on and off, and her crying lessened continually from start to finish. That was followed by 1/2 hour on the second night, 20 minutes on the third, etc. Seriously though, I know it was worse for me than it was for her... in retrospect.
*Also, my daughter loves me just as much now as she did before.
Definitely read it at least. I was completely misled by all the myths out there and found it to be far, far more humane than people lead you to believe. Besides, the progressive waiting technique ("crying it out" as it is inaccurately named), is only ONE thing he talks about. Ferber addresses every possible sleep problem and ways to correct them.
Personal note: The longest stretch of crying our daughter endured was 1 1/2 hours on the first night, but even that was on and off, and her crying lessened continually from start to finish. That was followed by 1/2 hour on the second night, 20 minutes on the third, etc. Seriously though, I know it was worse for me than it was for her... in retrospect.
*Also, my daughter loves me just as much now as she did before.
October 23, 2012
I read this when Zeke was a baby and someone recommended it. I found it to be concise, scientific and not nearly as bad as some had made it out to be. Hence my first baby was "ferberized".
However...
I have since learned that his science is faulty and not based on the traditional cycles of "normal" infant sleep at all. When I was doing this with my first son, I would watch the clock in pain until I was allowed to go in and comfort him. He slept
"through the night" at six weeks (5 hour stretches) and then for at least 8 hours at four months. ***This is NOT normal, safe baby behavior*** He developed nightmares and night terrors at a very young age-totally within the normal limits put forth by Ferber so I wasn't at all concerned until they continued for months on end.
Then I had my next baby. I thought she would be my last and I didn't want to miss any of her babyhood. By following my instincts she ended up sleepsharing with me. Wouldn't you know, no night wakings (we *did* have night feedings, but no wakings for either one of us), and no nightmares. I felt so bad keeping #1 out of the bedroom when #2 was so cozy there and so he joined us in a separate bed in our room. Guess what? the night terrors and nightmares stopped.
I have done it this way for two more children and won't ever go back to Ferber. His charts and ideas about *normal* sleep are based on infant and toddler sleep away from their parents. Which has never been acceptable until just a few hundred years ago, and even then, only for the rich. Most slept with their children until about 100 years ago.
It is not biologically appropriate for a baby to sleep through the night (without feeding) before one year. We are mammalian primates and no other primate can do this. Our milk is designed to be well and completely digested in a very small amount of time. Once I learned what real "normal" sleep patterns were for babies, it was easier to gauge how we were doing and adjust my expectations. If you want to leatrn the real science check out Dr. McKenna's book Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide.b
However...
I have since learned that his science is faulty and not based on the traditional cycles of "normal" infant sleep at all. When I was doing this with my first son, I would watch the clock in pain until I was allowed to go in and comfort him. He slept
"through the night" at six weeks (5 hour stretches) and then for at least 8 hours at four months. ***This is NOT normal, safe baby behavior*** He developed nightmares and night terrors at a very young age-totally within the normal limits put forth by Ferber so I wasn't at all concerned until they continued for months on end.
Then I had my next baby. I thought she would be my last and I didn't want to miss any of her babyhood. By following my instincts she ended up sleepsharing with me. Wouldn't you know, no night wakings (we *did* have night feedings, but no wakings for either one of us), and no nightmares. I felt so bad keeping #1 out of the bedroom when #2 was so cozy there and so he joined us in a separate bed in our room. Guess what? the night terrors and nightmares stopped.
I have done it this way for two more children and won't ever go back to Ferber. His charts and ideas about *normal* sleep are based on infant and toddler sleep away from their parents. Which has never been acceptable until just a few hundred years ago, and even then, only for the rich. Most slept with their children until about 100 years ago.
It is not biologically appropriate for a baby to sleep through the night (without feeding) before one year. We are mammalian primates and no other primate can do this. Our milk is designed to be well and completely digested in a very small amount of time. Once I learned what real "normal" sleep patterns were for babies, it was easier to gauge how we were doing and adjust my expectations. If you want to leatrn the real science check out Dr. McKenna's book Sleeping with Your Baby: A Parent's Guide.b
November 18, 2008
This is one that I consult every day in my work as a therapist. On page 19 is a chart that gives the recommended hours of sleep for each age of your child. I find that almost all of the children who are brought to me for therapy are chronically sleep deprived, some by three hours or more. If your child is having difficulty concentrating in school, has behavior problems, is irritable, defiant, etc., I would recommend looking first at mundane things like adequate rest, exercise, and a healthy diet, as well as increasing the consistency and stability of their home environment, before turning to meds for answers.
A lot of the parents of these sleep-deprived tots tell me though that they have a lot of problems getting their child to sleep. Often it is a discipline problem, with parents not using effective means of setting up a new schedule or giving in too easily when kids throw up resistance. Other times I find that the parent has allowed TV watching and video game playing to form part of the "winding down" routine at bedtime, which does not help calm them at all (newsflash: TV/video games in the bedroom increase rates of insomnia in children!). One parent recently told me he had a nightlight with brightly colore flashing lights in his daughters' bedroom--no wonder they were having trouble sleeping! Although some children object to total darkness and quiet, you have fewer sleep problems when your child sleeps without dependence on supposedly soothing devices.
This book teaches parents how to examine the sleep associations they have allowed their child to develop, break their sleep associations if they are interfering with regular sleep, and what to do about specific problems. Although it is designed primarily for parents of small children, the solid behavioral principles apply to adults as well.
My wife and I first encountered this book back in 2001 when Adelaide was sleeping with us, Cathan had just been born, and we needed to move her to her own bed. Although it was difficult making the new sleep pattern, and it took a lot of prayer and perseverence, we have benefited greatly from the advice Ferber gave, tempered with our approach to attachment parenting (I would recommend that you soften the advice with increases in daytime nurturing and snuggles, so that the child who is being put out of its parents' bed doesn't develop a feeling of rejection).
We're glad we found this at our libray, and have used it ever since for our subsequent children.
A lot of the parents of these sleep-deprived tots tell me though that they have a lot of problems getting their child to sleep. Often it is a discipline problem, with parents not using effective means of setting up a new schedule or giving in too easily when kids throw up resistance. Other times I find that the parent has allowed TV watching and video game playing to form part of the "winding down" routine at bedtime, which does not help calm them at all (newsflash: TV/video games in the bedroom increase rates of insomnia in children!). One parent recently told me he had a nightlight with brightly colore flashing lights in his daughters' bedroom--no wonder they were having trouble sleeping! Although some children object to total darkness and quiet, you have fewer sleep problems when your child sleeps without dependence on supposedly soothing devices.
This book teaches parents how to examine the sleep associations they have allowed their child to develop, break their sleep associations if they are interfering with regular sleep, and what to do about specific problems. Although it is designed primarily for parents of small children, the solid behavioral principles apply to adults as well.
My wife and I first encountered this book back in 2001 when Adelaide was sleeping with us, Cathan had just been born, and we needed to move her to her own bed. Although it was difficult making the new sleep pattern, and it took a lot of prayer and perseverence, we have benefited greatly from the advice Ferber gave, tempered with our approach to attachment parenting (I would recommend that you soften the advice with increases in daytime nurturing and snuggles, so that the child who is being put out of its parents' bed doesn't develop a feeling of rejection).
We're glad we found this at our libray, and have used it ever since for our subsequent children.
May 14, 2016
I'm sleeping. Baby's sleeping. Best. Book. Ever.
December 17, 2007
In my opinion, Ferber gets a bad rap in the media. This book isn't about making your child cry for hours on end, but rather about deciphering what is interfering with your child's sleep, and helping you create a plan to address it. There is lots of research/data about sleep in here that is good to read even if you're not looking to implement any of his plans for addressing sleep issues. We used his plan with my 26 month old when she was a baby and now my 5 month old and it really works. I feel like I've given my children a big gift - the ability to sleep for long, rejuvenating periods of time. Good for their brain development, mood, energy levels, and good for the whole family! I go back to this book over and over again, and it always helps me get grounded about how to tackle whatever issue is currently happening. Perhaps you are blessed with a child who sleeps for 8 hours w/o waking all by her/himself. If so - you are lucky!! If not, this book is a must-read.
December 14, 2012
Dr. Ferber must not be happy about the demonization of his name to make it synonymous with "locking your kid in a room all night to cry himself to sleep." In no part of this book does he ever suggest this, and he is actually much more compassionate than how he is portrayed in Parental Circles. His central point is that babies may have inappropriate associations with falling asleep, and if those associations are not altered, they may turn into long term sleeping problems.
The Ferber method worked for my family, however one thing that should be noted is that this method did not have much to say about what to do in outlier cases - say, when your child is sick or teething or learning to stand up. I have a hard time believing anyone would advocate letting a snotty baby cry it out so that he/she can't breathe. However even if you disagree with the method, the explanation of baby sleep cycles and appropriate amounts of sleep is still helpful.
The Ferber method worked for my family, however one thing that should be noted is that this method did not have much to say about what to do in outlier cases - say, when your child is sick or teething or learning to stand up. I have a hard time believing anyone would advocate letting a snotty baby cry it out so that he/she can't breathe. However even if you disagree with the method, the explanation of baby sleep cycles and appropriate amounts of sleep is still helpful.
October 14, 2008
UPDATE
Love him or hate him, Ferber's method actually works! I wasn't sure if we would try it or not because my son's a pretty good sleeper anyway, but one night he decided that there was nothing we could do to help him fall asleep, so we tried it that night. He cried for only 40 minutes the first night before falling asleep and slept for 8 hours straight. He's continued to sleep through the night most nights for 9-10 hours without waking. Best of all, no fighting at bedtime and naptime. We just lay him down in his crib awake and he's asleep within minutes, any crying being rare. I'm so glad that we allowed my son to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep on his own.
Out of all the books on sleep I've read, I wish that I would have read this one first because it's been the best so far.
This book not only covers the basics of sleep for children and adults but it also addresses every possible sleep problem (from infant to adolescent) you may face and how to solve it. It includes general info on sleep phases, the circadian system, the biological clock, sleep schedules, sleep shifts, and naps. The unmissable chapters for parents of an infant are sleep associations and feedings during the night.
This book is definitely not for you if you're against crying-it-out (CIO) in any shape or form. Dr. Ferber has gotten a bad rap, however. Contrary to popular opinion, he does not endorse extinction CIO. Rather he is the original advocate of the controlled-crying method, which allows you to check/console your child by increasing intervals each night until they have learned to fall asleep on their own. I skipped all the chapters that haven't applied or are yet to apply to my five-month-old son (sleep fears, colic, bedwetting, nightmares, snoring, etc.) but am extremely glad that I own this book so that I can refer to it in the future as needed.
Love him or hate him, Ferber's method actually works! I wasn't sure if we would try it or not because my son's a pretty good sleeper anyway, but one night he decided that there was nothing we could do to help him fall asleep, so we tried it that night. He cried for only 40 minutes the first night before falling asleep and slept for 8 hours straight. He's continued to sleep through the night most nights for 9-10 hours without waking. Best of all, no fighting at bedtime and naptime. We just lay him down in his crib awake and he's asleep within minutes, any crying being rare. I'm so glad that we allowed my son to learn to self-soothe and fall asleep on his own.
Out of all the books on sleep I've read, I wish that I would have read this one first because it's been the best so far.
This book not only covers the basics of sleep for children and adults but it also addresses every possible sleep problem (from infant to adolescent) you may face and how to solve it. It includes general info on sleep phases, the circadian system, the biological clock, sleep schedules, sleep shifts, and naps. The unmissable chapters for parents of an infant are sleep associations and feedings during the night.
This book is definitely not for you if you're against crying-it-out (CIO) in any shape or form. Dr. Ferber has gotten a bad rap, however. Contrary to popular opinion, he does not endorse extinction CIO. Rather he is the original advocate of the controlled-crying method, which allows you to check/console your child by increasing intervals each night until they have learned to fall asleep on their own. I skipped all the chapters that haven't applied or are yet to apply to my five-month-old son (sleep fears, colic, bedwetting, nightmares, snoring, etc.) but am extremely glad that I own this book so that I can refer to it in the future as needed.
December 22, 2019
This book had some interesting info on children’s sleep and how it differs from adults’. It also had very detailed advice about how to solve a variety of sleep problems. It’s hard for me to evaluate the advice, though, because my child doesn’t have any sleep problems.
You might be wondering, then, why did I read a book called “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems”? Well, as a new parent, I am pretty much obsessed with sleep. I decided in case my baby has a sleep regression in the future, I might prefer to already have some ideas about how to solve sleep problems. Figuring everything out from scratch while getting very little sleep myself due to a sleep regression sounds useful. As far as that goes, the book did give me a bit of peace of mind.
The most useful-seeming part was on “sleep training” (although this book doesn’t actually use that term). From other sources, I had the idea that if your child wakes up and cries, you should try letting them cry for increasingly longer intervals. According to this book, that’s sort of right but not specific enough. Sleep training should be used to remove unwanted “sleep associations” - conditions the child relies on to fall asleep. For example, a child might have learned to associate being rocked with falling asleep and be unable to fall asleep lying in the crib. In this case, the only solution is to make sure the child gets practice falling asleep without being rocked, which presumably will require letting them cry a bit. Ferber recommends waiting increasing amounts of time before comforting the child, but crucially, comforting means something like rubbing their back and then leaving while they are still awake. If you let them cry increasing amounts of time, but in the end each time you rock them to sleep, they are not getting any practice falling sleep under the correct conditions, so you are not making progress. If Ferber is right, this is an extremely useful mental model to have.
You might be wondering, then, why did I read a book called “Solve Your Child’s Sleep Problems”? Well, as a new parent, I am pretty much obsessed with sleep. I decided in case my baby has a sleep regression in the future, I might prefer to already have some ideas about how to solve sleep problems. Figuring everything out from scratch while getting very little sleep myself due to a sleep regression sounds useful. As far as that goes, the book did give me a bit of peace of mind.
The most useful-seeming part was on “sleep training” (although this book doesn’t actually use that term). From other sources, I had the idea that if your child wakes up and cries, you should try letting them cry for increasingly longer intervals. According to this book, that’s sort of right but not specific enough. Sleep training should be used to remove unwanted “sleep associations” - conditions the child relies on to fall asleep. For example, a child might have learned to associate being rocked with falling asleep and be unable to fall asleep lying in the crib. In this case, the only solution is to make sure the child gets practice falling asleep without being rocked, which presumably will require letting them cry a bit. Ferber recommends waiting increasing amounts of time before comforting the child, but crucially, comforting means something like rubbing their back and then leaving while they are still awake. If you let them cry increasing amounts of time, but in the end each time you rock them to sleep, they are not getting any practice falling sleep under the correct conditions, so you are not making progress. If Ferber is right, this is an extremely useful mental model to have.
February 22, 2009
It's just my opinion, but I don't think any child should be made to cry themselves to sleep. There are ways to teach them to sleep on their own without using "The Ferber Method". It was recommended to me and I was against it. Ok, so sure Joey came to my bed many a night but he's six now and sleeps on his own. Those early years are precious. I had a friend babysit one night, someone I trusted and she tried to "Ferberize"Joey after knowing how strongly I felt against it-he was 11months. She let him cry for three hours. Not right. I guess it is up to the parent, but I personally couldn't do it and now that Joey is six I can say, he sleeps everynight on his own at 7. As soon as he see's the clock hit a certain time he knows to go grab a book, gets a story and curls up and sleeps. Kids need a routine-this book kind of says that but I time flies too fast. Revel in the time your lil one wants to snuggle w/ you.
February 14, 2023
Spoiler Alert? I’m sleeping, baby’s sleeping. It works. Now onto reading for pleasure again 👏🏼
August 17, 2022
This was an extremely informative book. It gave me all around information needed to understand a child's sleep at different stages of development and taking into consideration all kinds of circumstances.
While my partner and I didn't exactly end up following the sleep training routine recommended by Ferber, we used the provided information to build the framework that helped us improve the problems we were facing with our child who had sleep problems right from the beginning.
I skipped some parts concerning problems related to older children as we don't need those chapters yet, but I have them saved to read in the future, should such a need arise.
I wasted too much time reading all kind of web articles and forum posts, trying to find solutions to the problems we were facing and found a lot of contradictory information. I wish I would have reached for this book right away instead. Should we have sleep problems again with the possible second child, I'll definitely turn straight back to this book.
While my partner and I didn't exactly end up following the sleep training routine recommended by Ferber, we used the provided information to build the framework that helped us improve the problems we were facing with our child who had sleep problems right from the beginning.
I skipped some parts concerning problems related to older children as we don't need those chapters yet, but I have them saved to read in the future, should such a need arise.
I wasted too much time reading all kind of web articles and forum posts, trying to find solutions to the problems we were facing and found a lot of contradictory information. I wish I would have reached for this book right away instead. Should we have sleep problems again with the possible second child, I'll definitely turn straight back to this book.
March 29, 2015
First, if you don't want to be pee-in-your pants scared, then don't read the section on sleep walking at night by yourself. It is the stuff nightmares are made of.
Second, judging by the comment I left myself, I was one of those parents who erroneously thought of Ferber as the "cry it out" guy. Nope. He does not advocate complete extinction (ie: put your child to bed, close the door and don't go in until the morning).
My first child was a relatively good sleeper... excepting a few nights here and there and a definite sleep association with the pacifier, he "slept through the night" or was able to get himself back to sleep on his own at a fairly young age.
My second? Not so much. I have lost so much effing sleep that I am having a hard time commuting to work, staying well, being present for my toddler, and just existing in general. In particular, things have been horrid since he hit 4 months... shots, illness, crib transition, still eating in the night (this we are okay with), etc. It's thrown us all out of whack. He is now 5.5 months and we all have dark circles under our eyes. My support system is my husband, so I do not have family around that can give us "a break" every now and then.
I tried to read "no-cry" books but I quickly realized that we have already attempted all of these methods. I picked this one up at work, read the first page and burst into tears because it was so relevant. Nobody wants to hear their child cry, but science shows how important sleep is to children and I needed to read this to take the giant leap into the progressive-waiting approach.
The longest period he's cried so far has been 10 minutes thank goodness, but for us the biggest changes we made were giving him his own room (we were really wanting to have him share with our older son, but that will have to wait), not sleeping in the same room with him, making a consistent bed time routine (we've been working his around our older son's routine and that's been disastrous), and not responding right away during night wakings (following the progressive-waiting approach).
We will have to tackle night feedings later, but I make small kids no matter how much they eat so I'm okay with them getting some nutrition in the middle of the night. I'm just happy he can fall asleep on his own for now and figure out how to get back to sleep on his own at night and that I can go and comfort him if I feel like it's lasting too long for me.
Feel free to judge me as a parent (people seriously demonize this book), but I am a better mom with a little more sleep. And judging by my much happier baby, he's doing well to be able to soothe himself at night too.
Second, judging by the comment I left myself, I was one of those parents who erroneously thought of Ferber as the "cry it out" guy. Nope. He does not advocate complete extinction (ie: put your child to bed, close the door and don't go in until the morning).
My first child was a relatively good sleeper... excepting a few nights here and there and a definite sleep association with the pacifier, he "slept through the night" or was able to get himself back to sleep on his own at a fairly young age.
My second? Not so much. I have lost so much effing sleep that I am having a hard time commuting to work, staying well, being present for my toddler, and just existing in general. In particular, things have been horrid since he hit 4 months... shots, illness, crib transition, still eating in the night (this we are okay with), etc. It's thrown us all out of whack. He is now 5.5 months and we all have dark circles under our eyes. My support system is my husband, so I do not have family around that can give us "a break" every now and then.
I tried to read "no-cry" books but I quickly realized that we have already attempted all of these methods. I picked this one up at work, read the first page and burst into tears because it was so relevant. Nobody wants to hear their child cry, but science shows how important sleep is to children and I needed to read this to take the giant leap into the progressive-waiting approach.
The longest period he's cried so far has been 10 minutes thank goodness, but for us the biggest changes we made were giving him his own room (we were really wanting to have him share with our older son, but that will have to wait), not sleeping in the same room with him, making a consistent bed time routine (we've been working his around our older son's routine and that's been disastrous), and not responding right away during night wakings (following the progressive-waiting approach).
We will have to tackle night feedings later, but I make small kids no matter how much they eat so I'm okay with them getting some nutrition in the middle of the night. I'm just happy he can fall asleep on his own for now and figure out how to get back to sleep on his own at night and that I can go and comfort him if I feel like it's lasting too long for me.
Feel free to judge me as a parent (people seriously demonize this book), but I am a better mom with a little more sleep. And judging by my much happier baby, he's doing well to be able to soothe himself at night too.
August 11, 2008
Okay, I was skeptical. I'd read Happiest Baby on the Block (which I liked) and lots of other semi-okay baby sleep books, but I was terrified of Ferber. Every mom who has heard the term "Ferberized" has shuddered at the thought of leaving her baby alone to cry it out. But after weeks of working with my daughter (she was only a year then) I decided to check this book out from the library - God forbid I'd actually buy it! What a pleasant surprise this book was - straightforward, smart, and a plethora of amazing information on sleep! I learned about what constitutes healthy sleep and discovered a lot about my own sleep habits - if it didn't work, then just that information alone would have been worth the cost of the book (if I'd actually bought it). But guess what? It does work! And no, it is NOT the cry it out for hours method I had heard about; it's a gradual approach that requires discipline and good notebook to keep track of time. If you're willing to put in the hours (hey, you're not sleeping anyway) then this is the best book of it's kind out there. I still recommend it to new (and old) moms.
June 19, 2018
This is the book that worked for us.
We met with a sleep physiologist for our 3.5 year old because we just couldn’t take it anymore. Bedtime was awful, nighttime wakings were awful, and mornings were awful. She suggested this book and everything clicked as we read it. It covers so many scenarios, unlike the books that say, “just do this, it works for every child.” NOTHING works for every child.
I never would have picked up this book to read on my own because I knew Dr. Ferber as the “cry-it-out” doctor and that’s not a method I’m comfortable with. The people that call him that are doing him such a disservice. This book is not about crying it out, it’s about setting limits.
Two weeks after starting this book, bedtime was cut in half and overnight wake ups were completely gone. Now, five weeks later, even the occasional change in routine (like having Grandma do bedtime) doesn’t wreck anything like it used to. This book honestly changed our lives and I’m so upset that I didn’t read it sooner.
We met with a sleep physiologist for our 3.5 year old because we just couldn’t take it anymore. Bedtime was awful, nighttime wakings were awful, and mornings were awful. She suggested this book and everything clicked as we read it. It covers so many scenarios, unlike the books that say, “just do this, it works for every child.” NOTHING works for every child.
I never would have picked up this book to read on my own because I knew Dr. Ferber as the “cry-it-out” doctor and that’s not a method I’m comfortable with. The people that call him that are doing him such a disservice. This book is not about crying it out, it’s about setting limits.
Two weeks after starting this book, bedtime was cut in half and overnight wake ups were completely gone. Now, five weeks later, even the occasional change in routine (like having Grandma do bedtime) doesn’t wreck anything like it used to. This book honestly changed our lives and I’m so upset that I didn’t read it sooner.
April 28, 2013
I do not give 5 stars lightly. Perhaps I just read this book at the right time. I read a slew of sleep/baby books while I was pregnant (Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child; The Baby Whisperer; a book about Dr. Sears' view on co-sleeping; etc.). I read this book when my son was 6-months-old and it was perfect timing. We had been attempting to keep a fairly regular yet still flexible schedule since about three months, so we had a good nap/bedtime routine, but our son needed a pacifier to fall asleep. By 6 months, we knew it was time to teach him to fall asleep without the pacifier because it was waking him and us up multiple times a night and preventing him from getting good naps during the day. I wasn't concerned about him sleeping better for our sake, necessarily; I was more interested in him sleeping well for HIS sake.
We first tried Weissbluth's straight extinction method where you simply do not go in at all and let your baby cry. It's supposed to be less confusing for the baby and they're supposed to adjust quicker. I was ok with some crying, if it meant my son would learn to fall asleep on his own, but after a couple weeks, the crying wasn't any better, and neither was his sleep. We had previously tried some of the no-cry techniques and found them all to be crap (too stimulating rather than calming, for our son at least).
Based on a friend's recommendation, I got Ferber's book and started his routine of checking after increasing intervals of time. My son really seemed to respond well to our very short but still reassuring visits (every time I went in, I sang the same super short song that I sing when I lay him down to sleep, and I would put my hand on his chest). In less than a week, he has greatly reduced the amount of crying he does before naps and bedtime--and we don't use the pacifier at all. If we have the timing right (about half of the time), he doesn't cry at all. Sometimes he just talks before falling asleep.
Ferber's book helped me better understand the overall composition of night vs. day sleep, and I don't stress anymore when he takes relatively short naps (30-45 minutes), if he slept a ton the night before. I then also know I should just put him to sleep a little earlier after a day of short naps. On the other hand, if he wakes up early for some reason, I know to expect longer naps during the day, and that's what I get. I shift nap times and bed times usually 30 minutes earlier or later depending on when he wakes up and the length of his naps.
Also, it seems minor, but I think it really helped that Ferber specifically says to do the going-to-sleep routine in the room where the baby actually sleeps. We have a 1-bedroom apartment and spend most of our time in the living room, so we were doing the whole routine there and then just taking him into the bedroom to sleep. He has responded better now that we read his story in the bedroom (Ferber explains the baby/child should have positive memories in the room where they sleep so that they can continue to think about them as they fall asleep).
I do think the averages Ferber provides on the total hours of sleep children need at different ages is on the low side for infants, but I've heard it's more accurate for 2/3-years-old and up. I think Weissbluth's book is very helpful for many sleep-related things, but Ferber's book was easier to implement. However, like I said, I really think our timing was right. I think 6-months is the perfect time to really clamp down on sleep routines. Parents shouldn't stress at 3 months if it doesn't work with their baby--it's just too early. Also, I still happily feed my son once a night (he's breastfed exclusively and he is a rather small baby).
Bottom line: basically the mothers I know who are decently well rested and have babies 6-months old or older who are also decently well rested have used the Ferber method (or something very similar). His methods are WAY less harsh than they're made out to be. Read the book before you pass judgement.
We first tried Weissbluth's straight extinction method where you simply do not go in at all and let your baby cry. It's supposed to be less confusing for the baby and they're supposed to adjust quicker. I was ok with some crying, if it meant my son would learn to fall asleep on his own, but after a couple weeks, the crying wasn't any better, and neither was his sleep. We had previously tried some of the no-cry techniques and found them all to be crap (too stimulating rather than calming, for our son at least).
Based on a friend's recommendation, I got Ferber's book and started his routine of checking after increasing intervals of time. My son really seemed to respond well to our very short but still reassuring visits (every time I went in, I sang the same super short song that I sing when I lay him down to sleep, and I would put my hand on his chest). In less than a week, he has greatly reduced the amount of crying he does before naps and bedtime--and we don't use the pacifier at all. If we have the timing right (about half of the time), he doesn't cry at all. Sometimes he just talks before falling asleep.
Ferber's book helped me better understand the overall composition of night vs. day sleep, and I don't stress anymore when he takes relatively short naps (30-45 minutes), if he slept a ton the night before. I then also know I should just put him to sleep a little earlier after a day of short naps. On the other hand, if he wakes up early for some reason, I know to expect longer naps during the day, and that's what I get. I shift nap times and bed times usually 30 minutes earlier or later depending on when he wakes up and the length of his naps.
Also, it seems minor, but I think it really helped that Ferber specifically says to do the going-to-sleep routine in the room where the baby actually sleeps. We have a 1-bedroom apartment and spend most of our time in the living room, so we were doing the whole routine there and then just taking him into the bedroom to sleep. He has responded better now that we read his story in the bedroom (Ferber explains the baby/child should have positive memories in the room where they sleep so that they can continue to think about them as they fall asleep).
I do think the averages Ferber provides on the total hours of sleep children need at different ages is on the low side for infants, but I've heard it's more accurate for 2/3-years-old and up. I think Weissbluth's book is very helpful for many sleep-related things, but Ferber's book was easier to implement. However, like I said, I really think our timing was right. I think 6-months is the perfect time to really clamp down on sleep routines. Parents shouldn't stress at 3 months if it doesn't work with their baby--it's just too early. Also, I still happily feed my son once a night (he's breastfed exclusively and he is a rather small baby).
Bottom line: basically the mothers I know who are decently well rested and have babies 6-months old or older who are also decently well rested have used the Ferber method (or something very similar). His methods are WAY less harsh than they're made out to be. Read the book before you pass judgement.
November 14, 2011
So, I read what I needed to at this stage in the game (4 months into parenting), and I will go back as needed, as The Bean's habits change.
Ferber often gets a bad rap, and most people who know of him think he's all/just about letting your kid cry it out. The book is actually more nuanced and compassionate than that, and I found his discussion of sleep cycles pretty illuminating and helpful. My baby can fall asleep without nursing, which is great, since it not only means Daddy can be The Bedtime Master, but also that my baby knows how to go to bed on his own, self-soothing and all that--this is a skill he will need for life! (I should say that I figured out he could fall asleep without nursing pretty much by accident; he just fell asleep one day, on his own, and it was clear he didn't need my boob as much as I'd assumed.)
Ferber helped us realize that Dixon doesn't need to eat at 10 pm, 3 hours after he's fallen asleep. It's more likely that he's entering a new sleep cycle, and that he can figure out how to get back to bed on his own. On the first night after reading this book, he cried at 10:15, and my husband and I waited, breathless, on the couch, to see what would happen if we didn't run to his rescue. 20 seconds later, he was fast asleep and didn't wake up again until 1:30! He hasn't woken at 10-ish since. Now we're trying to figure out which night-time feeding is truly necessary--for his belly, for his soul--and which one(s) can be eliminated. It's a bit touch and go, but we're learning. I'm trying to balance some of Ferber's ideas with my own instincts. I'm hoping Ferber can next help me get some more naps into my kid! When baby sleeps more during the day, the nights are far more peaceful.
This is an informative read for anyone with young children who is struggling to figure out nap schedules, bedtime routines, night feedings, and so on. Don't be afraid to Ferberize! (God, that word--it's scary, right?)
And, sometimes it's okay if a baby cries. My mom said I used to cry for 2-3 minutes every night before bed, and then slept 12 hours straight. I needed that little cry, to expend some energy before my nightly coma. Don't knock it! Also, don't let your kid cry for hours while you surf the internet. Jesus.
Ferber often gets a bad rap, and most people who know of him think he's all/just about letting your kid cry it out. The book is actually more nuanced and compassionate than that, and I found his discussion of sleep cycles pretty illuminating and helpful. My baby can fall asleep without nursing, which is great, since it not only means Daddy can be The Bedtime Master, but also that my baby knows how to go to bed on his own, self-soothing and all that--this is a skill he will need for life! (I should say that I figured out he could fall asleep without nursing pretty much by accident; he just fell asleep one day, on his own, and it was clear he didn't need my boob as much as I'd assumed.)
Ferber helped us realize that Dixon doesn't need to eat at 10 pm, 3 hours after he's fallen asleep. It's more likely that he's entering a new sleep cycle, and that he can figure out how to get back to bed on his own. On the first night after reading this book, he cried at 10:15, and my husband and I waited, breathless, on the couch, to see what would happen if we didn't run to his rescue. 20 seconds later, he was fast asleep and didn't wake up again until 1:30! He hasn't woken at 10-ish since. Now we're trying to figure out which night-time feeding is truly necessary--for his belly, for his soul--and which one(s) can be eliminated. It's a bit touch and go, but we're learning. I'm trying to balance some of Ferber's ideas with my own instincts. I'm hoping Ferber can next help me get some more naps into my kid! When baby sleeps more during the day, the nights are far more peaceful.
This is an informative read for anyone with young children who is struggling to figure out nap schedules, bedtime routines, night feedings, and so on. Don't be afraid to Ferberize! (God, that word--it's scary, right?)
And, sometimes it's okay if a baby cries. My mom said I used to cry for 2-3 minutes every night before bed, and then slept 12 hours straight. I needed that little cry, to expend some energy before my nightly coma. Don't knock it! Also, don't let your kid cry for hours while you surf the internet. Jesus.
January 30, 2015
From skimming this tome, I learned that my kid basically does not have sleep problems and I should calm the hell down. :) I can see it being useful, and I'm basically a cry-it-outer-as-long-as-it's-not-ramping-up-to-freak-out-territory-unless-i've-really-had-it-and-it's-better-for-me-to-stay-away, so if I had a trickier baby, it might be really really useful. I do think there needs to be a major asterisk -- start this when you're ready and your baby is ready. If that's 3 months, fine, if that's 8 months (for me, that's basically when I gave in to routine/felt like the baby was ready for it) cool, if that's 18 months, okay! Also, seriously, I think babies can really need to night-nurse, and if they need that, I think it is not super to try to trick them out of it -- I've heard too many friends whose doctor's are like -- you know, your 4 month old should really be sleeping all night ... discerning b/w hunger and sleep issues is important, but night hunger can be so real! And night nursing (for us at least) is so satisfyingly efficient! Ummm yeah. Apparently I had more opinions about this than I thought! Regardless, worth a skim. For most people the internet exec summaries of it will probably suffice.
February 24, 2014
1/27/14: Back to this book at 18 months. Glad I kept it.
12/15/12: I made it through probably close to half of this book and found it to be a really good resource, and one that didn't leave me feeling like a crap-ass parent. Ferber has a lot of good tips and techniques beyond the "cry it out" method everyone always accuses him of promoting, and I got a lot out of reading this. More importantly, Dr. Ferber, backed by the power of science, asserts that letting your child cry a little bit, or even a lot, will not screw your kid up for life. Being sympathetic to the attachment parenting camp and having let my child cry (and not even a lot), I found the power of science to be very reassuring on this point. However, Dr. Ferber discusses the sleep problems of children of all ages in this book, and several chapters, while interesting, just weren't applicable to my six-month-old's sleep, so I haven't finished the book. I hope I never need to read it again, but just in case, I'm never getting rid of it.
12/15/12: I made it through probably close to half of this book and found it to be a really good resource, and one that didn't leave me feeling like a crap-ass parent. Ferber has a lot of good tips and techniques beyond the "cry it out" method everyone always accuses him of promoting, and I got a lot out of reading this. More importantly, Dr. Ferber, backed by the power of science, asserts that letting your child cry a little bit, or even a lot, will not screw your kid up for life. Being sympathetic to the attachment parenting camp and having let my child cry (and not even a lot), I found the power of science to be very reassuring on this point. However, Dr. Ferber discusses the sleep problems of children of all ages in this book, and several chapters, while interesting, just weren't applicable to my six-month-old's sleep, so I haven't finished the book. I hope I never need to read it again, but just in case, I'm never getting rid of it.
October 7, 2014
Overall, we are on the attachment parenting side of the spectrum. But nothing, nothing, nothing in the "gentle" sleep techniques lauded by attachment experts was saving us from having a near-toddler who wanted to have me sitting in the chair rocking him all night, and would wake, scream and vomit if I tried to put him down. (No, cosleeping, once he was old enough for it to be safe, didn't work, either. He hated it. None of us slept.) I was demented with months of sleep deprivation.
This didn't cure all our sleep problems. But it helped us understand them, and it helped us learn that it's actually more compassionate for our little boy to know that he's going down and we will be nearby and checking on him regularly than to have him anxiously watching out for any sign of being put down to sleep and unable to relax.
We still get rough patches in which he needs extra cuddling, which despite the way this book is misrepresented, are perfectly "allowed". but more often, when I put him down he smiles, snuggles down, and goes securely to sleep. It's a miracle.
This didn't cure all our sleep problems. But it helped us understand them, and it helped us learn that it's actually more compassionate for our little boy to know that he's going down and we will be nearby and checking on him regularly than to have him anxiously watching out for any sign of being put down to sleep and unable to relax.
We still get rough patches in which he needs extra cuddling, which despite the way this book is misrepresented, are perfectly "allowed". but more often, when I put him down he smiles, snuggles down, and goes securely to sleep. It's a miracle.
Read
December 30, 2008Can understand why people don't want to try it, but when you have a child that cried all of the time anyway and nothing else worked it was worth a shot. We got lucky and it worked within 1 day! He cried less than 10 minutes for each nap/night sleep on the first day and then barely fussed at all on all of the days thereafter. He is now 3 years old and sleeps well (although an early riser!) He was probably the type of kid that the more we fussed with him, the more he fussed for us and really just needed time alone to work it out. I know I was that way as a child and still am that way as an adult. Will probably try again in a few months for my younger son if things don't change with his current (non)-sleep habits! Hopefully we will get lucky again...I don't think I could've handled more than 10 minutes of crying without going in.
July 24, 2008
It worked! When I read it, I had three children under 3 and the whole family was sleeping in one small room. This book was a miracle. Within a week I was able to get all three children to sleep, one at a time, in 30 minutes. The method described is a gentle compromise between crying it out and a more compassionate bedtime approach. The kids learned that bedtime rules are serious without ever feeling abandoned. And I learned how to be firm about enforcing bedtime without feeling like I was cruel. The information about circadian rhythms was extremely helpful, too.
July 10, 2009
I LOVE THIS BOOK! It's so much better than "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child." I would highly recommend this book to ANYONE with ANY sort of problem with their kids sleeping. It's to the point, easy to understand, and I don't feel like I'm "reading around in circles" like I did with "Healthy Sleep Habits."
May 29, 2021
If you want a simple read on how to get your newborn to fall asleep, skip this book (or buy it and read the first quarter- Precious Little Sleep or Babywise would be a better option). But if you want an in-depth review on all things parents may encounter in their little one’s sleep, including bedwetting, head-banging, and narcolepsy, Ferber is your dude.
December 23, 2014
SUPER helpful! It worked - it actually worked! Hopefully I won't need this book again, but I'm so happy he's sleeping!
October 21, 2019
My kid was an awesome sleeper from the jump - slept 9 hours by 9 weeks. So I thought I had side-stepped the CIO controversy. Then she got her first cold, and shots, and hit a regression all in the same week at 6 months. After a week of her waking up 4 times a night we got on board.
Caveat: I knew she could sleep 12 hours straight, because she'd been doing it for months. So I wasn't as nervous as other parents might be about whether it was too soon or she was developmentally ready.
Rating: TAKE MY MONEY. Took 3 days, only had to check on her once on day 2 and three. Down for the count. Now through teething, other colds, etc, we have a plan for getting her back on track when she goes off the rails. Also, and this was a complete bonus -- she used to take terrible 35 minute daytime naps, but after she learned how to put herself back down she started stringing together 1.5-2 hour daytime naps and we could get on a reasonable schedule. Everything's not for everybody and I understand people who don't want to listen to their baby cry, even for 3 minutes, but this book gets my stamp of approval.
Caveat: I knew she could sleep 12 hours straight, because she'd been doing it for months. So I wasn't as nervous as other parents might be about whether it was too soon or she was developmentally ready.
Rating: TAKE MY MONEY. Took 3 days, only had to check on her once on day 2 and three. Down for the count. Now through teething, other colds, etc, we have a plan for getting her back on track when she goes off the rails. Also, and this was a complete bonus -- she used to take terrible 35 minute daytime naps, but after she learned how to put herself back down she started stringing together 1.5-2 hour daytime naps and we could get on a reasonable schedule. Everything's not for everybody and I understand people who don't want to listen to their baby cry, even for 3 minutes, but this book gets my stamp of approval.
April 5, 2018
Disclaimer: All children and families are different and what works for one will not work for another. That said, holy sh*t this totally worked for me and my daughter. My advice if you want to try it, do it sooner rather than later. My kid is 4.5 months and I'm so glad we did it before she developed any of the bad sleep habits mentioned in the book. (So far) Also, give your child some credit and believe that they can do it. This method isn't about leaving them alone to cry all night, it's helping them learn on their own to put themselves to sleep. Since they are so dependent on us, it's hard to imagine them doing anything for themselves, but after the 1st time she slept through the night I was so proud and amazed and she just looked at me and was like, "Of course I can do this, why are you so surprised?" After 1 night of training and a few maintenance sessions, she sleeps 8-10 hours, naps better, and eats better (she used to fuss). Read the book, consult your doctor, talk with your family and go for it. You and your baby can do it!
June 26, 2023
Skimmed this one #allthesleepbooks. The OG sleep schedule method that forms the basis for most other modern schedule approaches. Appreciate the helpful charts and basis in sleep science. Great resource of approaches to common sleep issues that arise. Appreciate the anecdotes though would love to see more data.
March 22, 2021
Excellent book that I will go to for reference. I am beginning the Sleep Lady Shuffle soon but incorporating some of Ferber's ideas. Very thoughtful and kind tone and seems to work well for many people.
January 1, 2019
Saved my sanity. God bless you, Dr. Ferber.
July 7, 2020
First off; I had a pretty good sleeper to start with. We basically did a modified Ferber to help us through the 4mo sleep regressions and help my husband and I get on the same page.
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