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The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness; The Complete Guide to Passive Aggression Book 5
It’s only recently that the real impact of passive-aggressive behavior on a relationship has been identified in all of its destructive impacts. Women like you could be subjected to weeks of isolation and neglect, while some people would consider this situation as “normal” for any marriage. Now we know It causes women to develop a progressive feeling of isolation, of being left emotionally dry and bereft precisely in the most intimate of relationships. Whatever the degree of emotional detachment they experience, the impact on their self-esteem is very profound and long lasting. In this new, revised edition, this book actually describes the frustration of your emotional needs caused by the silent marriage, followed by mental confusion, imprecise guilt feelings, the impression of walking on eggshells to avoid being rejected, together with extreme loneliness and depression. This is an important book because it focuses on this toxic behavior, going to describe the whole passive-aggressive marriage and its impact on your self-esteem and well being. Even when you don’t consider his withholding of connection a kind of abuse in the marriage, the fact that spouses are emotionally dependent on each other for love and support makes you chronically starved for his love and attention. You can even wonder if this is his way to control and reduce the degree of joy and happiness you could experience? If this is the case, resentment creeps in and destroys any remaining trust. This book provides you with learning strategies and alternatives to counter his passive-aggressive communication style, without resorting to violence, begging, or other tricks. It will also give you a map that could actually help your partner to see through his behavior and understand what is he doing to sabotage the marriage. Overall this expanded and revised 2015 edition is full of practical tips and strategies to protect yourself and motivate you to be happier with or without him. It will help you to move your relationship from the current standstill to a place where you can enjoy a better experience with more love and respect.
- GenresRelationships
85 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 12, 2012
133 people are currently reading
93 people want to read
About the author
Nora Femenia
15 books11 followers Since I learned to read, books have been my refuge and my door to any semblance of normal world. I learned to understand behaviors very early, observing how the "little women" went along their daily routines, with introspection and endurance. That was the first book I bought with my saved pennies being 7 years old, lots of other books followed. I still remember my joy discovering a library near my home, and how fast I read all what they had for children and began reading whatever they would loan to me. I was all of 11 years when somebody realized that I was returning The Naked and the Dead and asking for more from the same shelf...
Books showed me how humans go through pain and joy, through love and resentment, and why passion is the real mankind engine of all times. I became a student at Syracuse U., flying from Buenos Aires with very few clothes and some chosen books that are still with me...added to the many others that now surround me. I'm a teacher, a scholar that loves to share insights with her students, and also a lover of a good story. In fact, it would be impossible for me to teach conflict resolution without stories...and I use all the ones coming from the books I've read, plus the ones coming from my own experiences.
Now I also love to share stories with my grandchildren, across languages and age brackets, to build a shared pool of human experience in which we all can see ourselves. Regardless my little time to read fiction I do enjoy a good novel...so will gratefully accept recommendations here! Thanks for reading...
Books showed me how humans go through pain and joy, through love and resentment, and why passion is the real mankind engine of all times. I became a student at Syracuse U., flying from Buenos Aires with very few clothes and some chosen books that are still with me...added to the many others that now surround me. I'm a teacher, a scholar that loves to share insights with her students, and also a lover of a good story. In fact, it would be impossible for me to teach conflict resolution without stories...and I use all the ones coming from the books I've read, plus the ones coming from my own experiences.
Now I also love to share stories with my grandchildren, across languages and age brackets, to build a shared pool of human experience in which we all can see ourselves. Regardless my little time to read fiction I do enjoy a good novel...so will gratefully accept recommendations here! Thanks for reading...
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Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews
September 28, 2013
Well-written in a strongly emotive style, this short book (64 pages) has much to offer women who feel they have suffered from passive-aggressive husbands. The language and easily accessible style cuts right into the heart of the frustrations and anger of women whose husbands express emotions and aggression in a passive, indirect way.
However, there was some imbalance in the presentation of the subject. While the plight of these women was handled with deep understanding and solid support was offered, there was little attempt to understand the wounds of these men who have endured a double whammy: as young, sensitive boys the symbolic castration of their masculine essence by their emotionally domineering mothers and sisters, and a waning patriarchal society which has emotionally disempowered men as much as it has financially and otherwise disempowered women.
While the book does state that it's not an attempt to "fight fire with fire", there was an undertow of feminine passive-aggression in the pages. Take the example of the forum administrator's response to a male poster (Kindle location 456) - it was a masterpiece of passive-aggression, full of put downs, blame and attack. Here, and at other places in the text, I couldn't help but think of the words of "Do you hear the people sing" from Les Miserables. (Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry [wo]men? It is the music of a people Who will not be slaves again! ...Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? ...)
Instead of a rallying cry that whips up emotions, I suggest that a healthier resolution to the painful experience of a "silent marriage" could be found if more emphasis had been placed on exploring both sides of a passive-aggressive marriage to achieve a win-win result, rather than jostling for the superior position in a win-lose situation. It takes real inner strength to take responsibility for one’s own happiness by acknowledging one’s own wounds rather than becoming a "re-born victim" and placing all the blame for one’s unhappiness on the perceived “oppressor.”
While reading, I got the sense that, for a self-help book, there was a lack of professional distance and objectivity in the presentation. Thus, despite the validity of many of the issues raised throughout this book and some good advice offered, one should read this book with a conscious awareness that it appeals mainly to the emotions in a one-sided and (dare I say it?) passive-aggressive way.
Wounded women, seething with genuine resentment and pain, “[won’t want to] wait a minute longer for things to just get better” [Kindle location 800-936]. Having been called to join the crusade of angry women, they will no doubt rush to take advantage of the resources offered to help them escape their passive aggressive husbands – by buying one of the books on offer, such as “Recovering from Passive Aggression” (at the discounted price of only $47) or by taking advantage of the (first) free coaching session.
Ultimately, I finished the book feeling less lonely in my thoughts about the differences in communication styles between men and women, but also sad that there is so much unresolved anger and pain in relationships which are, after all, the arena in life where we learn our greatest soul lessons.
However, there was some imbalance in the presentation of the subject. While the plight of these women was handled with deep understanding and solid support was offered, there was little attempt to understand the wounds of these men who have endured a double whammy: as young, sensitive boys the symbolic castration of their masculine essence by their emotionally domineering mothers and sisters, and a waning patriarchal society which has emotionally disempowered men as much as it has financially and otherwise disempowered women.
While the book does state that it's not an attempt to "fight fire with fire", there was an undertow of feminine passive-aggression in the pages. Take the example of the forum administrator's response to a male poster (Kindle location 456) - it was a masterpiece of passive-aggression, full of put downs, blame and attack. Here, and at other places in the text, I couldn't help but think of the words of "Do you hear the people sing" from Les Miserables. (Do you hear the people sing? Singing a song of angry [wo]men? It is the music of a people Who will not be slaves again! ...Will you join in our crusade? Who will be strong and stand with me? ...)
Instead of a rallying cry that whips up emotions, I suggest that a healthier resolution to the painful experience of a "silent marriage" could be found if more emphasis had been placed on exploring both sides of a passive-aggressive marriage to achieve a win-win result, rather than jostling for the superior position in a win-lose situation. It takes real inner strength to take responsibility for one’s own happiness by acknowledging one’s own wounds rather than becoming a "re-born victim" and placing all the blame for one’s unhappiness on the perceived “oppressor.”
While reading, I got the sense that, for a self-help book, there was a lack of professional distance and objectivity in the presentation. Thus, despite the validity of many of the issues raised throughout this book and some good advice offered, one should read this book with a conscious awareness that it appeals mainly to the emotions in a one-sided and (dare I say it?) passive-aggressive way.
Wounded women, seething with genuine resentment and pain, “[won’t want to] wait a minute longer for things to just get better” [Kindle location 800-936]. Having been called to join the crusade of angry women, they will no doubt rush to take advantage of the resources offered to help them escape their passive aggressive husbands – by buying one of the books on offer, such as “Recovering from Passive Aggression” (at the discounted price of only $47) or by taking advantage of the (first) free coaching session.
Ultimately, I finished the book feeling less lonely in my thoughts about the differences in communication styles between men and women, but also sad that there is so much unresolved anger and pain in relationships which are, after all, the arena in life where we learn our greatest soul lessons.
February 17, 2018
This short book is full of grammar mistakes and editing oversights. Once I realized this in the first chapter, I sped up my reading so I could "hear" the words of the author in a more conversational style. The information in this book is not deep, nor is it balanced. It assumes the reader is the wife and the passive-aggressive (PA) is the husband. There's no explanation of how you, the wife, have gotten into your mess, but be assured it isn't your fault. Nor is the PA behavior the fault of the husband. We have his mother to blame for it. No information exists in the book on how to overcome the emotional divide between wife and husband, except that if the wife decides to stay, then she'll need to discover her own value as a person without looking to her husband for approval. I appreciate the handful of validating statements in the book. I'm sure now that PA behavior is what I'm dealing with. No way would I jump to the author's website to sign up for coaching sessions or to buy additional books, since what I'm looking for is in-depth information on how to heal this painful experience.
April 14, 2015
The Silent Marriage: How Passive Aggression Steals Your Happiness is a short e-book directed at helping women in emotionally abusive marriages understand that they are not to blame for their husbands' behavior. The basic information about passive-aggression in the book is based on insecure attachment of the passive-aggressive man to his parents, particularly his mother, when he was a child. This insecure attachment created an avoidant personality wherein the passive-aggressive man seeks love from a spouse while simultaneously emotionally abusing her by pushing her away.
While the book is not perfect, it is a great place for a woman in a marriage with a passive-aggressive partner to start evaluating what is going on and how she wants to handle it. It’s resource I can see recommending to clients because it is so short and because it is written on a very accessible level for the general population.
My main critique of the book relates to its portrayal of the non-passive-aggressive person in the relationship (usually the wife in this text) as a victim of her husband’s mental disorder. Occasionally it is acknowledged that the wife has a role in all of this, but the emphasis is on the wife not blaming herself for her husband’s behavior. I felt like the book really could have done a better job of helping the wife in this situation work on her part of the dysfunction beyond teaching her that she is not responsible for her husband’s emotionally abusive behavior. The mother blame which dominates the authors’ theories is also problematic as it takes away the personal responsibility that the passive-aggressive man has for his behavior.
While the book is not perfect, it is a great place for a woman in a marriage with a passive-aggressive partner to start evaluating what is going on and how she wants to handle it. It’s resource I can see recommending to clients because it is so short and because it is written on a very accessible level for the general population.
My main critique of the book relates to its portrayal of the non-passive-aggressive person in the relationship (usually the wife in this text) as a victim of her husband’s mental disorder. Occasionally it is acknowledged that the wife has a role in all of this, but the emphasis is on the wife not blaming herself for her husband’s behavior. I felt like the book really could have done a better job of helping the wife in this situation work on her part of the dysfunction beyond teaching her that she is not responsible for her husband’s emotionally abusive behavior. The mother blame which dominates the authors’ theories is also problematic as it takes away the personal responsibility that the passive-aggressive man has for his behavior.
March 30, 2016
This book was exactly what I needed. My only wish, that I had found it forty years ago.I stopped feeling as though I was crazy. I was beginning to see myself as a bitch and I am a fairly easy going person, yet I was angry so often over my spouses forgetfulness, stubbornness, helplessness, excuses, and the worst, a complete lack of intimacy. Forty years without an "I Love YOU." This book was right on, and after forty years probably too late to make much of a change. At the very least, I have some ideas on how to not allow his behavior to make me angry. I recognize that I will always need to carry 95% of the stress, but my gosh, it helps to know why I am doing so. It has caused a bit of friction in our relationship because I no longer put up with his behavior. Sometimes I must, because it will affect my life. For example, I recently was out of town and needed to stay one more week so I asked him to send more of my medication, I needed 8 of this one, 8 of this one and 16 of this one. I received 6,5 and 24. This is SOP in our lives but I stay calm and show him this example of his constant sabotage. He knows, I know and seems to be pulling even farther away, if possible. Oh well, I now know that I am not crazy nor a bitch and I can go on with that. We have three beautiful, responsible, grown daughters and I have lot of joy outside of the marriage. I have read this book three times, and I may read it again to better grasp this impossible life and to remind myself that it will be okay, just don't rely on him for anything and find love elsewhere.
June 23, 2014
An excellent short ebook concisely describing life with a passive aggressive husband - I resonated with everything in this book, the author has accurately described how it looks, how it makes a wife feel and how it destroys a marriage. Get this book if you even suspect your husband or partner is PA. It could save your marriage, if nothing else it will validate that you are not just making things up in your head but that it's a real thing, destructive and damaging. Brilliant resource.
July 13, 2015
It was ok
There is always something to learn in a book. This one had a few good ideas, but I was more bothered that the author assumed the male was the passive aggressive spouse. There were also a number of editing mistakes, which made it more difficult to read. I could have used a few less references to the authors website and more information on how to recognize passive aggressive behavior.
There is always something to learn in a book. This one had a few good ideas, but I was more bothered that the author assumed the male was the passive aggressive spouse. There were also a number of editing mistakes, which made it more difficult to read. I could have used a few less references to the authors website and more information on how to recognize passive aggressive behavior.
August 4, 2015
Needed information, my husband forced my daughter and me to move out, our marriage has been a struggle for me. Now I have to refine myself, he destroyed that.
September 26, 2019
In tears
For years I thought I was the problem. Thank you Dr. Nora for letting me see that it’s not me. Loved this book so much I’m going to read it again.
For years I thought I was the problem. Thank you Dr. Nora for letting me see that it’s not me. Loved this book so much I’m going to read it again.
Displaying 1 - 8 of 8 reviews