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Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife
A gripping first-hand story of personal triumph and recovery by a wealthy American housewife who appeared to have it all but who was, in reality, losing life's most important moments in an alcohol-induced haze.Brenda Wilhelmson was like a lot of women in her neighborhood. She had a husband and two children. She was educated and made a good living as a writer. She had a vibrant social life with a tight circle of friends. She could party until dawn and take her children to school the next day. From the outside, she appeared to have it all together. But, in truth, alcohol was slowly taking over, turning her world on its side. Waking up to another hangover, growing tired of embarrassing herself in front of friends and family, and feeling important moments slip away, Brenda made the most critical decision of her to get sober. She kept a diary of her first year (and beyond) in recovery, chronicling the struggles of finding a meeting she could look forward to, relating to her fellow alcoholics, and finding a sponsor with whom she connected. Along the way, she discovered the challenges and pleasures of living each day without alcohol, navigating a social circle where booze is a centerpiece, and dealing with her alcoholic father's terminal illness and denial. Brenda Wilhelmson's Diary of an Alcoholic Housewife offers insight, wisdom, and relevance for readers in recovery, as well as their loved ones, no matter how long they've been sober.
398 pages, Kindle Edition
First published February 14, 2011
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298 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews
September 23, 2020
Confuses endless grumbling for insight
This book was frustrating.
First off: I'm surprised a journalist wrote this- the choice to structure it as a diary could have worked, but here it reads like a series of unrelated lists detailing the life of an extremely privileged woman, with a real lack of an arching story.
There's very little exploration of the alcoholism which is supposedly the reason for this book, other than sentences like 'I want a vodka bad' tacked onto the end of descriptions of vacations and lunches. We don't learn much about why or how this woman drank, or how it affected her relationships.
These relationships, and the way in which they are portrayed, are arguably the worst part of this book. In brief: the author complains about everyone in her life, a lot. No-one is spared. She comes across as spoiled, judgemental, classist and fatphobic, as well as horribly hypocritical (she bashes her friend's parenting, describing that friend's child as a 'little shit' as a result of a lack of boundaries, and yet describes multiple occasions on which her own son complains about their car not being the 'right kind', not thanking her for an expensive present, and whining about a spectacular trip to the Grand Canyon; she complains about her parents ability to parent, and yet freely admits to verbally abusing her son when he experienced bed-wetting; she criticizes her friends when they are not supportive, yet cuts them off or talks about them behind their backs when they slight her in some way... And the list goes on, and on, as nauseum. I haven't even touched on the husband whom she seems openly contemptuous of). At first I thought that this was a device to reveal his unlikable those in the grip of addiction can be: I appreciate authors who will cast themselves in an unfavorable light in order to reflect the reality of how addiction affects people and their relationships. Sadly, however, this was just not the case. By the end it was laughable to read the author's gushing appreciation of nature-clearly included to represent her spiritual progress- while she simultaneously criticised her husband for wearing the wrong hiking boots and her child for complaining. The lack of insight was staggering. In short: nothing is ever this author's fault at the start of the book and nothing appears to have changed by the end. The utter lack of compassion she shows her 'friends' is revolting- she expects them to understand her journey, but cannot ever appreciate their behaviors might be informed by their own, equally important problems- and she remains condescending toward her fellow addicts right to the end, including lingering descriptions of how far some of them fell but making sure to point out that those things could never happen to her.
Finally- she repeatedly spells Mary Karr' s name incorrectly. It was annoying that so little care was given to editing.
Don't bother with this. Please read the infinitely better memoirs about drinking by Caroline Knapp, Leslie Jamieson and- of course- Mary Karr.
This book was frustrating.
First off: I'm surprised a journalist wrote this- the choice to structure it as a diary could have worked, but here it reads like a series of unrelated lists detailing the life of an extremely privileged woman, with a real lack of an arching story.
There's very little exploration of the alcoholism which is supposedly the reason for this book, other than sentences like 'I want a vodka bad' tacked onto the end of descriptions of vacations and lunches. We don't learn much about why or how this woman drank, or how it affected her relationships.
These relationships, and the way in which they are portrayed, are arguably the worst part of this book. In brief: the author complains about everyone in her life, a lot. No-one is spared. She comes across as spoiled, judgemental, classist and fatphobic, as well as horribly hypocritical (she bashes her friend's parenting, describing that friend's child as a 'little shit' as a result of a lack of boundaries, and yet describes multiple occasions on which her own son complains about their car not being the 'right kind', not thanking her for an expensive present, and whining about a spectacular trip to the Grand Canyon; she complains about her parents ability to parent, and yet freely admits to verbally abusing her son when he experienced bed-wetting; she criticizes her friends when they are not supportive, yet cuts them off or talks about them behind their backs when they slight her in some way... And the list goes on, and on, as nauseum. I haven't even touched on the husband whom she seems openly contemptuous of). At first I thought that this was a device to reveal his unlikable those in the grip of addiction can be: I appreciate authors who will cast themselves in an unfavorable light in order to reflect the reality of how addiction affects people and their relationships. Sadly, however, this was just not the case. By the end it was laughable to read the author's gushing appreciation of nature-clearly included to represent her spiritual progress- while she simultaneously criticised her husband for wearing the wrong hiking boots and her child for complaining. The lack of insight was staggering. In short: nothing is ever this author's fault at the start of the book and nothing appears to have changed by the end. The utter lack of compassion she shows her 'friends' is revolting- she expects them to understand her journey, but cannot ever appreciate their behaviors might be informed by their own, equally important problems- and she remains condescending toward her fellow addicts right to the end, including lingering descriptions of how far some of them fell but making sure to point out that those things could never happen to her.
Finally- she repeatedly spells Mary Karr' s name incorrectly. It was annoying that so little care was given to editing.
Don't bother with this. Please read the infinitely better memoirs about drinking by Caroline Knapp, Leslie Jamieson and- of course- Mary Karr.
May 19, 2011
Brenda is my cousin and I'm so proud of her courage and completely honest approach in writing this book. She brings her authentic self to the table, for better and for worse. I loved the format of short journal entries and her concise, at times blunt, style. There were times I laughed, cringed, and cried. Even though it was hard for me to identify with her addiction struggles, she has inspired me to explore a new level of honesty with myself.
July 31, 2018
I tend to love recovery memoirs, but I have to say this book was a struggle to finish. This woman’s life and approach to life made me want to scream and pull my hair out. I never saw much growth in her, so it was annoying. Her writing was bad at best- she jumped around and it was confusing at points- but I just wanted to finish. I am going to assume the “recovery meetings” she went to were AA, and I have never heard or seen a meeting run like the ones she described. I am surprised anyone gets sober in Illinois.
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October 26, 2025Was finding this okay quit lit but them there was some racist stuff so — the end goodbye.
July 25, 2011
Aside from the details regarding the use of illegal drugs (which was really difficult to read because the author admitted doing coke while her older son was just 2 years old) I thought this was really eye-opening. It amazes me that alcohol can have such a powerful grip over some people and I was happy to read the author's courageous battle; one that she won in more ways than one. While it's obvious that the book wouldn't be a cheerful read, I did find a lot of the moments to be really depressing while other instances had me thinking, "does this really happen in suburban America?" . It was sad, funny, and interesting, but most surprising of all, I felt like she and I could relate as mothers and friends.
January 28, 2020
This book was entertaining enough to get me through drives and dog walks. I saw very little, if any, growth in the main character and found her outlook on life and people to be very negative. She is cruel to her friends and family and did not really seem to grasp the “things you don’t like in others are reflections of oneself” concept. She didn’t have anything nice to say about practically anyone in her life.
I was hoping as the book went on to see a change in outlook, but I suppose that’s life and this is a good reminder that sobriety doesn’t necessarily make you a better person.
I was hoping as the book went on to see a change in outlook, but I suppose that’s life and this is a good reminder that sobriety doesn’t necessarily make you a better person.
April 18, 2017
I can see why this woman used to drink to excess - the tedium of her daily life is boring me as I read about it. Play dates, lunches, catty neighbours, imagined slights. The parts where she was still an addict were more interesting. I am glad she successfully gave up alcohol, as she is a real-life person, and not just a fiction author, but dang, lady - I see why you added some variety to your life with martinis.
May 16, 2024
Starts out well and quickly goes downhill. The thing that really turned me off was all the ridiculous drama between the women who were so called “friends” in addition to the fact that pretty much every female was disgustingly passive aggressive and gave a bad look to all of us. It got to the point that I had to set it down and couldn’t finish due to those unfortunate issues.
However, since this is a memoir, I appreciate the candidness, courage and strength of the author.
However, since this is a memoir, I appreciate the candidness, courage and strength of the author.
August 20, 2023
I don’t know what I was expecting here. Maybe an inspirational story of introspection and redemption? That wasn’t the reality. This story is so depressing, even despite her accomplishments. The author is brutal. She’s critical and judgmental of everyone. No one is good enough for her. There isn’t a single likeable person in this book. Maybe the 10 year old.
April 5, 2020
I have read many books regarding an addict's journey from addiction to recovery. I found this memoir to be very matter of factly, blunt and to the point. I never felt that Ms. Wilhelmson really got down to the deep reasons why she drank. The book is written like her journal entries..."Today I went to a meeting..." "I really wanted a drink today." "I am really worry about my birthday party."
She does take her readers though her year of recovery and it's not until the end that I really felt that I gained a deeper understanding of where she was in her recovery. Before that, it just seemed like she was grateful for not waking up with a hangover.
She does take her readers though her year of recovery and it's not until the end that I really felt that I gained a deeper understanding of where she was in her recovery. Before that, it just seemed like she was grateful for not waking up with a hangover.
February 25, 2013
"I felt depressed and went to a meeting. The guy who spoke said he drank because he didn't want to grow up. I can completely relate. Drinking allowed me to cut loose, feel free, forget my responsibilities. I still fondly remember feeling that way. I have to make myself remember the hangovers, the memory loss, the dangerous driving, the responsibilities staring me in the face when I sobered up. It's funny how easily I remember the good times and have to work at conjuring up the bad. I can love sobriety one day, then think about drinking the next." pg. 347
"I went to a meeting tonight and the woman who gave the lead said, 'Someone who's not an alcoholic changes his behavior to meet his goals. An alcoholic changes his goals to meet his behavior.'" pg. 263
"Another friend just sent me an email quote that said, 'What I do today is important because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it.'" pg. 157
"That's the paradox. If people know you're in a recovery program, you're sick, but as long as you're still partying, you're okay." pg. 112
I woke up at dawn, grabbed my yoga mat, and hiked to Havasu Falls. I began a series of sun salutations facing the cascading water, its pounding vibrations reverberating through me. I started crying and lay down on my mat and wept. I miss my father. I’m petrified I might die just like him. And like my dad, I want to grab life by the mane and ride it hard—except sober. I used to think alcohol and other drugs were the way to living large. Using them made me fearless, allowed me to throw up my arms and scream “Whee!” until they turned me dull and stupid. I was drinking to escape things that pissed me off, bond with friends, celebrate good news. My anesthetized life was a pathetic shadow of what it is now.” pg. 380
"I went to a meeting tonight and the woman who gave the lead said, 'Someone who's not an alcoholic changes his behavior to meet his goals. An alcoholic changes his goals to meet his behavior.'" pg. 263
"Another friend just sent me an email quote that said, 'What I do today is important because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it.'" pg. 157
"That's the paradox. If people know you're in a recovery program, you're sick, but as long as you're still partying, you're okay." pg. 112
I woke up at dawn, grabbed my yoga mat, and hiked to Havasu Falls. I began a series of sun salutations facing the cascading water, its pounding vibrations reverberating through me. I started crying and lay down on my mat and wept. I miss my father. I’m petrified I might die just like him. And like my dad, I want to grab life by the mane and ride it hard—except sober. I used to think alcohol and other drugs were the way to living large. Using them made me fearless, allowed me to throw up my arms and scream “Whee!” until they turned me dull and stupid. I was drinking to escape things that pissed me off, bond with friends, celebrate good news. My anesthetized life was a pathetic shadow of what it is now.” pg. 380
October 13, 2011
I saw this book in a bookstore and it interested me. I hadn't seen a book written about a first hand account of someone trying to get sober. With shows like "Intervention" and "Celebrity Rehab" and the like, the whole subject of addiction and getting sober is fascinating. Wilhelmson explains the reason she wrote the book was because no other book she saw could answer her question, "Am I an Alcoholic?" Though she never really came out and said it, I think you get the sense that she understood that she was. This book is not an instructional book and if you are looking for information on the 12 steps, or the program of AA itself, you'll have to look elsewhere. What this book does do, is take an honest and unrelenting look at one person's journey of recovery.
Wilhelmson states in the beginning that people she knows may not like what she writes about them. I can see why. Wilhelmson pulls no punches. She is honest, brutally at times. Although I admired her desire to admit her addiction and do what she can to get clean, I never once found myself empathizing with her. In fact, more often than not, I wanted to come to the defense of her family and friends. I'm not saying that I have not had frustrating thoughts about my loved ones from time to time, but I found myself wondering if she ever had positive feelings about some of the people in her life at all.
Overall, I liked the book for its different approach on a subject we hear a lot about. I just had a hard time relating to the feelings and frustrations of the author.
Wilhelmson states in the beginning that people she knows may not like what she writes about them. I can see why. Wilhelmson pulls no punches. She is honest, brutally at times. Although I admired her desire to admit her addiction and do what she can to get clean, I never once found myself empathizing with her. In fact, more often than not, I wanted to come to the defense of her family and friends. I'm not saying that I have not had frustrating thoughts about my loved ones from time to time, but I found myself wondering if she ever had positive feelings about some of the people in her life at all.
Overall, I liked the book for its different approach on a subject we hear a lot about. I just had a hard time relating to the feelings and frustrations of the author.
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July 1, 2020I encountered this book while going through a period of reading recovery memoirs. What stuck out, to me, about this one was how cranky and negative it was towards the other people in the author's life. (Holy crap, would I hate to have been one of the friends she talks about here.) This strikes me as likely being realistic for the mindset of still-drinking or recently sober alcoholics, and that sense I can well believe that Wilhelmson drew most of the book from journals kept while she was drinking, or in early sobriety. I wonder if she is less irritable and judgmental now, with some additional years. In any case I would have liked to see less about Wilhelmson's annoying friends and family and more about her. She seemed potentially very interesting and probably nicer than she comes across in the book-- for instance it sounds like she really adores her kids, and she steps outside of her comfort zone to help struggling addicts. But I didn't see enough of that side.
I did find the book interesting, and unusual, in the way it showed the "alcomom" social world of the suburban malls and high-end chain restaurants. It's one of those subcultures that makes heavy drinking seem normal while you are immersed in it.
I did find the book interesting, and unusual, in the way it showed the "alcomom" social world of the suburban malls and high-end chain restaurants. It's one of those subcultures that makes heavy drinking seem normal while you are immersed in it.
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March 7, 2012Fave lines
Resentments are like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.
What I do today is important because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it.
I miss that warm happy feeling of not giving a shit and getting crazy.
The flaws that annoy you in others are flaws you have yourself.
I want to know who I am.
Resentments are like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die.
What I do today is important because I'm exchanging a day of my life for it.
I miss that warm happy feeling of not giving a shit and getting crazy.
The flaws that annoy you in others are flaws you have yourself.
I want to know who I am.
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December 29, 2011did not like the book at all did not read it all.
January 5, 2013
not really my reading choice. Read for book club. It was ok. Kind of depressing.
August 30, 2016
I found this book to be shallow and somewhat boring. It seemed as if she spent most of the time talking about her friends and their dramas instead of really going deep into herself and her story.
April 27, 2022
A couple of things:
1. It's very much a diary, not a traditional narrative with a beginning-middle-end. It's a record of the every day and the mundane and the small and big moments. Its a diary. It's a diary for sure, and can feel long or dreary or repetitive.
2. It's the diary of (more or less) an alcoholics first year in sobriety. As a sober alcoholic I 1000% understand this book. If you're not an alcoholic, I can see how you might find the prose whiny, annoying, (see bad reviews) etc. If you're someone who is interested in the mindset/thought process of an alcoholic, I'd recommend this read. No she's not a likable narrator, yes she's annoying and selfish, yes she repeats on and on and on about how all she wants to do is drink - this. is. accurate. All the author has done us put it to a page.
3. It is the diary of a year of sobriety of a alcoholic middle class American suburban mother and housewife. She talks about her book Club and her cocktail friends and driving here and there and throwing parties and yoga and when she encounters anything outside of her world she comes across judgey and rude and ignorant and superficial. She writes about her actual life, her actual day to day, and what she actually cares about, which is her own family, her own social calender and her own sense of self. This is not a book about a journey to enlightenment and becoming the most caring, selfless, giving or even world-aware person. This is a book about a housewife, a middle class American housewife, who was a slave to an addiction and now isn't. She doesn't eventually see the light that there are bigger issues, that she's incredibly privileged or that she should devote her life to helping others. That is not this story. This is simply the diary of an alcoholic housewife.
Now listen... this isn't some incredible work of literature. I've read better books, I've even read better books on this subject matter, but for what it is - literally a "diary of an alcoholic housewife" - it was good.
1. It's very much a diary, not a traditional narrative with a beginning-middle-end. It's a record of the every day and the mundane and the small and big moments. Its a diary. It's a diary for sure, and can feel long or dreary or repetitive.
2. It's the diary of (more or less) an alcoholics first year in sobriety. As a sober alcoholic I 1000% understand this book. If you're not an alcoholic, I can see how you might find the prose whiny, annoying, (see bad reviews) etc. If you're someone who is interested in the mindset/thought process of an alcoholic, I'd recommend this read. No she's not a likable narrator, yes she's annoying and selfish, yes she repeats on and on and on about how all she wants to do is drink - this. is. accurate. All the author has done us put it to a page.
3. It is the diary of a year of sobriety of a alcoholic middle class American suburban mother and housewife. She talks about her book Club and her cocktail friends and driving here and there and throwing parties and yoga and when she encounters anything outside of her world she comes across judgey and rude and ignorant and superficial. She writes about her actual life, her actual day to day, and what she actually cares about, which is her own family, her own social calender and her own sense of self. This is not a book about a journey to enlightenment and becoming the most caring, selfless, giving or even world-aware person. This is a book about a housewife, a middle class American housewife, who was a slave to an addiction and now isn't. She doesn't eventually see the light that there are bigger issues, that she's incredibly privileged or that she should devote her life to helping others. That is not this story. This is simply the diary of an alcoholic housewife.
Now listen... this isn't some incredible work of literature. I've read better books, I've even read better books on this subject matter, but for what it is - literally a "diary of an alcoholic housewife" - it was good.
November 28, 2023
Interesting perspective of a recovering alcoholic. For those looking for the drag-down, blackout, rock-bottom escapades of an alcoholic, you will not find any in this book. Crafted in a journal fashion, the book focuses mainly of the recovery process and details Wilhelmson's efforts to navigate life without a bottle. There is no explanation of how the narrator got to the state of becoming an alcoholic (it's hinted at), although that would have been helpful in understanding what led her to that point.
Some readers have complained this book reeks of middle class, bored, nasty people who have little to drink about, but find a lot to wine (pun intended) over. While none of the "characters" in this book are that likable, that's not really the point of the book. It rather shows that over time an alcohol-free life can get easier for some people, while others continue spiraling down. It's an interesting examination on understanding that you never knows what goes on in people's private lives.
Some readers have complained this book reeks of middle class, bored, nasty people who have little to drink about, but find a lot to wine (pun intended) over. While none of the "characters" in this book are that likable, that's not really the point of the book. It rather shows that over time an alcohol-free life can get easier for some people, while others continue spiraling down. It's an interesting examination on understanding that you never knows what goes on in people's private lives.
December 26, 2019
I liked this book. It was relatable and had a good pace. I really enjoy reading about people’s journey into,sobriety, but this lady sounds like she needs to do a deep dive into some self reflection until she is living a completely sober life.
July 27, 2022
My go to recovery book.
I like the journal like format. It gives the sense of being there along side her on this journey seeking peace from within.
Her honest journey helps me through on days I struggle.
I would recommend to anyone who would like to go alcohol free!
I like the journal like format. It gives the sense of being there along side her on this journey seeking peace from within.
Her honest journey helps me through on days I struggle.
I would recommend to anyone who would like to go alcohol free!
November 11, 2017
Interesting light hearted read. Would be good for someone in early stages of sobriety and/or AA
January 18, 2018
I absolutely love following this journey it was beautiful and hard and I felt like I was truly there with her along her journey! So amazing and raw and inspiring!
April 13, 2019
A decent story. Whining at times-why keep socializing with negative friends? Quite the active social life with 2 kids! Entertaining at times. Sad father daughter story.
December 14, 2019
La primera mitad es más o menos interesante, pero se hace imposible de soportar lo aburrida que es la vida de la autora y lo difícil que es empatizar con ella.
April 2, 2022
The author seemed like a very unkind person. We would not be friends irl.
September 2, 2023
Pretty boring, unfortunately.
September 9, 2011
This is not a diary. If you are gonna write a fake diary (permissible) you at least have to remember to write without foresight into the future. Also I'd say Brenda is only 50% alcoholic so if you are looking to read about someone's absolute mess rock bottom, this isn't going to satisfy your craving. My other issue is that Brenda is about 2 smidges more self righteous than she paints herself...but that's ok, I have friends who are worse. All of these bad points aside, this book was still readable because Brenda seems like someone I'd like to be friends with.
June 27, 2014
This is a courageous book, and serves as a reminder that things are not always what they seem...I especially loved the descriptions Brenda gave to her Chicago suburb. these women in her life seem to have it all: wealth, material goods, and lavish lifestyles...but it's all a facade. Behind closed doors, her "friends" treat Brenda poorly and are horribly judgmental. Not only that, but they're wasted half the time, and in the end most of their marriages fail. It made me think about the woman and friend that I want to be, and how to be truthful and courageous in my own life.
July 12, 2011
This autobio is the story of how any person with alcoholic tendencies who is involved with a drinking social group courts danger. It reminded me of many people who walk a fine line between social drinker and alcoholic. The social pressures alcoholics face in many situations go unnoticed by non-alcoholics and the book made me aware of just how tenuous a position alcoholics maintain on a regular basis. Kudos to the author and continued success in sobriety.
Displaying 1 - 30 of 50 reviews