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Long leggety beasties
We all are experts on education, aren’t we?! Well, we all went to school, didn’t we? And our strong opinions are banked, from age four onwards, to flame into oft bigoted fire as we get older...
But some of us get closer to the tangled intestinal tract that is the educational system than others. I was such an one: for thirty years, man and boy, I toiled down the Chalk Face, bringing up deposits, mainly mineral but occasionally gold – and, in this, at times gusset-splittingly funny ( though I say it myself) fictional account of the joys and foibles of the teaching profession, I give you my bizarre version of the truth: an exaggerated, nay surreal, version, granted, but anyone who has ever set foot in a classroom in order to perpetrate an act of teaching, will recognise much of what I say!
I deal, in this novel, with types, even archetypes, rather than actual people I have known. You will, I am quite sure, have met your full quota of dinner ladies, eccentric members of staff, naughty children and so forth. Here they all are, spread out in a moving – in both senses! – Advent calendar for you, in these pre-Christmas days : open a metaphorical door each day, and see what lies behind! Go on. I dare you!!!
But some of us get closer to the tangled intestinal tract that is the educational system than others. I was such an one: for thirty years, man and boy, I toiled down the Chalk Face, bringing up deposits, mainly mineral but occasionally gold – and, in this, at times gusset-splittingly funny ( though I say it myself) fictional account of the joys and foibles of the teaching profession, I give you my bizarre version of the truth: an exaggerated, nay surreal, version, granted, but anyone who has ever set foot in a classroom in order to perpetrate an act of teaching, will recognise much of what I say!
I deal, in this novel, with types, even archetypes, rather than actual people I have known. You will, I am quite sure, have met your full quota of dinner ladies, eccentric members of staff, naughty children and so forth. Here they all are, spread out in a moving – in both senses! – Advent calendar for you, in these pre-Christmas days : open a metaphorical door each day, and see what lies behind! Go on. I dare you!!!
358 pages, Kindle Edition
First published November 1, 2012
2 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews
January 14, 2015
Ali chat REVIEW --DRAFT--
(first ‘interview’ & ‘previews’ take place tween the 15th & 30th December, 2014):
I'm reading "Long leggety beasties” by Alienora Taylor, and I’m only on CH 20-something of 52, and I’m laughing so hard, I hafta take it in short reads, just so I don't pass out from lack of oxygen!!
She has me rolling on the floor, I am laughing so hard! 'The Second Coming'; the raising of the drawbridge; the Head’s green pen; Tom's mouse and so many more! Omg!
I read before I go to sleep at night by headlamp, and the other night, I laughed so abruptly, so loudly- that I woke the entire family and was let known that if I don’t shut-up, I’d have a 'Ryatt' on my hands! Moreover, her use of vocabulary is absolutely stunning and fantasmagorical! It has really made the book 200% enjoyable as she stretched my mind and fed my word-fetish! Not once had I ever thought the word 'redundant' about her writing, as I do with so many other writers- Bravissimo!
Then, when I had only 8 chapters left on her book, I started to panic! Seriously, I wish the Archers and Tom were real, cuz it would ROCK! to meet this extraordinary group of fine fellows!
The following is an excerpt from my FB Chat with the author:
Violet: Ali, It has been the most fun I have had in ages reading your book- Can I ASSuME you were English teacher in real life?
Ali: “For thirty years, man and boy!!! Did my bloody head in eventually!”
Violet: So I find it hard to believe that all of the stories in "Long leggety beasties” is fiction?!?! Some of the stories are so twisted- they could only have happened in real life!
Ali: “It is exaggerated, but there is an element of truth there too!”
Violet: I knew it! My life is so full of 'crazy'- I know Real Life when I read it- rotflmao!
There is only one other writer that has ever made me laugh almost as much and that is Susan McCorkingdale's book, ‘Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl’.
You're book's a hoot- gonna start (over again) from the beginning, as soon as I’m done, and '(rinse &) repeat' until I get your next on my Kindle (Keyboard)!
Btw- Ali... Thank you for the early, after-Christmas present! You’re a love! I almost hate to tell you of my plans to stage a one-woman picket line in front of your flat, protesting the end of the Long Leggety Beasties, where I will of course remain, until you show me your draft copy of book #2 in a series of Gerri's misadventures.... I just haven't figured out how to get my demands printed on a small piece of cardboard and still be legible, yet....
- - -
Violet: Not happy that I ran outta pages with words on them... nope. Not happy about it, at all. No sir.
- - -
Violet: I didn't give it 10 stars outta 5, becuz when I turned the page, it said "The End"…. So I only gave you 9…
- - -
Violet: I haven't done any of my important things today for having not enough self-control to put the book down!
I see your next & third book being no less than an absolute thrill -whatever the topic- and a hopeless new addiction for myself.
It's a burden I'm willing to bare....
*'bare' was intentional!*
Forever~
Your Wild Island Violet
- - -
Violet: The level of my enthusiasm & support was THOROUGHLY earned by yourself & your YEARS of writing…. 6000 miles away and you thrill me inside out with your work! Your humor has recharged my long-lost Giggle! I can only hope that whatever paltry words I put together for my personal task of humble book reviewer can do your masterpieces justice by bringing the unknowing into your circle of laughter!
…this painfully short romp thru Ali’s Beliefs, Amazonian vocabulary & limitless imagination!
Next –O Dear!- that Girl can turn a phrase on a dime without hesitation or taking a breath! The only vocabulary word that I ever saw her write more than once, was the word ‘the’, so the word ‘redundant’ could NEVER be used in the same sentence as her name! And her sense of humor- she makes me laugh, even as she’s trying to make a serious point!
Biased? Of course, I'm biased! I first met Ali when I was learning the ropes of blogging, where I started ‘following’ her blog, because her writing style, (vocabulary!!) and topics spoke to my Soul! She is an excellent writer in my meager opinion, and has become a role model for me while she entertains me, and enlightens me. I don’t consider my fervor about her two newly published books as being so much biased, as it is the same kind of ‘sharing’ we all do on facebook, when we find something really Groovi we want to show the rest of our Friends.
- - -
Get your peek inside the wild mind of this literary fearsome woman!
- - -
This is one of the many reasons why Kindle is better than the olde-fashioned book, of which I too was once a lover of, but the fact remains that I can get this awesome writing on my Kindle.... and, well, sorry, but you'll be waiting a long time for this masterpiece to be uploaded onto your book of paper. I'm just sayin'....
- - -
PS—ebook doubters & poo-pooers: You DON’T NEED a Kindle to get these downloads and/or to try out what this ebook craze is without buying one first- Amazon has a FREE desktop app for your PC and android-type thingys, as well as Kindle Cloud so you don’t even hafta waste precious space on your hard drive, to test drive what ebook reading is like, or, to enjoy many more of these free & affordable offers! Please, give these two items a ‘looky-loo’, and by all means, get your download of "Long leggety beasties” by my dear Friend & incredible lifelong writer but recently published, Alienora Taylor! Clock is ticking…
(first ‘interview’ & ‘previews’ take place tween the 15th & 30th December, 2014):
I'm reading "Long leggety beasties” by Alienora Taylor, and I’m only on CH 20-something of 52, and I’m laughing so hard, I hafta take it in short reads, just so I don't pass out from lack of oxygen!!
She has me rolling on the floor, I am laughing so hard! 'The Second Coming'; the raising of the drawbridge; the Head’s green pen; Tom's mouse and so many more! Omg!
I read before I go to sleep at night by headlamp, and the other night, I laughed so abruptly, so loudly- that I woke the entire family and was let known that if I don’t shut-up, I’d have a 'Ryatt' on my hands! Moreover, her use of vocabulary is absolutely stunning and fantasmagorical! It has really made the book 200% enjoyable as she stretched my mind and fed my word-fetish! Not once had I ever thought the word 'redundant' about her writing, as I do with so many other writers- Bravissimo!
Then, when I had only 8 chapters left on her book, I started to panic! Seriously, I wish the Archers and Tom were real, cuz it would ROCK! to meet this extraordinary group of fine fellows!
The following is an excerpt from my FB Chat with the author:
Violet: Ali, It has been the most fun I have had in ages reading your book- Can I ASSuME you were English teacher in real life?
Ali: “For thirty years, man and boy!!! Did my bloody head in eventually!”
Violet: So I find it hard to believe that all of the stories in "Long leggety beasties” is fiction?!?! Some of the stories are so twisted- they could only have happened in real life!
Ali: “It is exaggerated, but there is an element of truth there too!”
Violet: I knew it! My life is so full of 'crazy'- I know Real Life when I read it- rotflmao!
There is only one other writer that has ever made me laugh almost as much and that is Susan McCorkingdale's book, ‘Confessions of a Counterfeit Farm Girl’.
You're book's a hoot- gonna start (over again) from the beginning, as soon as I’m done, and '(rinse &) repeat' until I get your next on my Kindle (Keyboard)!
Btw- Ali... Thank you for the early, after-Christmas present! You’re a love! I almost hate to tell you of my plans to stage a one-woman picket line in front of your flat, protesting the end of the Long Leggety Beasties, where I will of course remain, until you show me your draft copy of book #2 in a series of Gerri's misadventures.... I just haven't figured out how to get my demands printed on a small piece of cardboard and still be legible, yet....
- - -
Violet: Not happy that I ran outta pages with words on them... nope. Not happy about it, at all. No sir.
- - -
Violet: I didn't give it 10 stars outta 5, becuz when I turned the page, it said "The End"…. So I only gave you 9…
- - -
Violet: I haven't done any of my important things today for having not enough self-control to put the book down!
I see your next & third book being no less than an absolute thrill -whatever the topic- and a hopeless new addiction for myself.
It's a burden I'm willing to bare....
*'bare' was intentional!*
Forever~
Your Wild Island Violet
- - -
Violet: The level of my enthusiasm & support was THOROUGHLY earned by yourself & your YEARS of writing…. 6000 miles away and you thrill me inside out with your work! Your humor has recharged my long-lost Giggle! I can only hope that whatever paltry words I put together for my personal task of humble book reviewer can do your masterpieces justice by bringing the unknowing into your circle of laughter!
…this painfully short romp thru Ali’s Beliefs, Amazonian vocabulary & limitless imagination!
Next –O Dear!- that Girl can turn a phrase on a dime without hesitation or taking a breath! The only vocabulary word that I ever saw her write more than once, was the word ‘the’, so the word ‘redundant’ could NEVER be used in the same sentence as her name! And her sense of humor- she makes me laugh, even as she’s trying to make a serious point!
Biased? Of course, I'm biased! I first met Ali when I was learning the ropes of blogging, where I started ‘following’ her blog, because her writing style, (vocabulary!!) and topics spoke to my Soul! She is an excellent writer in my meager opinion, and has become a role model for me while she entertains me, and enlightens me. I don’t consider my fervor about her two newly published books as being so much biased, as it is the same kind of ‘sharing’ we all do on facebook, when we find something really Groovi we want to show the rest of our Friends.
- - -
Get your peek inside the wild mind of this literary fearsome woman!
- - -
This is one of the many reasons why Kindle is better than the olde-fashioned book, of which I too was once a lover of, but the fact remains that I can get this awesome writing on my Kindle.... and, well, sorry, but you'll be waiting a long time for this masterpiece to be uploaded onto your book of paper. I'm just sayin'....
- - -
PS—ebook doubters & poo-pooers: You DON’T NEED a Kindle to get these downloads and/or to try out what this ebook craze is without buying one first- Amazon has a FREE desktop app for your PC and android-type thingys, as well as Kindle Cloud so you don’t even hafta waste precious space on your hard drive, to test drive what ebook reading is like, or, to enjoy many more of these free & affordable offers! Please, give these two items a ‘looky-loo’, and by all means, get your download of "Long leggety beasties” by my dear Friend & incredible lifelong writer but recently published, Alienora Taylor! Clock is ticking…
April 16, 2014
Miss Geraldine Dolan is a probationary teacher in her first job. She's been accepted as an English teacher at St.Thelma's school in Cornwall. It's the 1980's, the school is in a castle near the village of Port Tossack, there are keeps and dungeons, a great hall and that's where any thoughts of a resemblance to Hogworts should leave you immediately.
This is adult British humour at it's driest, full of classic clichés, innuendos and mirth. There are a great many characters to love; The Archers, teachers who meet on the battlements with bow and arrows, Zoe, a plain teacher who looks in love and bets are taken as to who has captured her heart. Rogue is an Aussie supply teacher who brings an Antipodean artistic flair to the story and a set of dinner ladies to rival no other. Amongst the children there is Giblet and Nivek (Yes Kevin spelt backwards) and plenty of traditional Cornish surnames to liven things up.
The tale is written around a school year and involves riotous lessons, the use of the moat for fire drill, an Archery tournament, some builders with a reputation for being The Durex Boys and the crowning glory, a Pageant to end all Pageants if not the school.
If you love such British classics as St. Trinian's, Faulty Towers, Carry on Films, Open All Hours and Only Fools and Horses, then the humour and bawdy jokes of this book should appeal to you.
This is adult British humour at it's driest, full of classic clichés, innuendos and mirth. There are a great many characters to love; The Archers, teachers who meet on the battlements with bow and arrows, Zoe, a plain teacher who looks in love and bets are taken as to who has captured her heart. Rogue is an Aussie supply teacher who brings an Antipodean artistic flair to the story and a set of dinner ladies to rival no other. Amongst the children there is Giblet and Nivek (Yes Kevin spelt backwards) and plenty of traditional Cornish surnames to liven things up.
The tale is written around a school year and involves riotous lessons, the use of the moat for fire drill, an Archery tournament, some builders with a reputation for being The Durex Boys and the crowning glory, a Pageant to end all Pageants if not the school.
If you love such British classics as St. Trinian's, Faulty Towers, Carry on Films, Open All Hours and Only Fools and Horses, then the humour and bawdy jokes of this book should appeal to you.
December 6, 2016
I recently interviewed author Alienora Taylor and was interested to read one of her books, Long-Leggety Beasties, which I discovered focuses on a young teacher’s experiences in the classroom. As Alienora taught for many years, I came to the swift conclusion that many of the events described might possibly or even probably be based on fact. I’m one of life’s realists, and ‘faction’ is right up my street!
Alienora writes with that dry British humour that I love. There were children in my own school which were just like the long-leggety beasties that the author describes, and all I can say is that anybody who tries to teach that kind of wayward child is very brave indeed!
The protagonist, Geraldine, is young and naïve, and is just waiting to be taken for a ride by her fifth formers. However, the reader giggles quite a lot as the pages are turned and the children discover just how soft their new teacher really is.
Ms Taylor writes with a grasp of vocabulary and wit which reminds me of Noel Coward in his prime. I take off my hat to somebody who survived in this job for so long! I give this book 5 stars. Recommended for fans of faction and dry wit.
Alienora writes with that dry British humour that I love. There were children in my own school which were just like the long-leggety beasties that the author describes, and all I can say is that anybody who tries to teach that kind of wayward child is very brave indeed!
The protagonist, Geraldine, is young and naïve, and is just waiting to be taken for a ride by her fifth formers. However, the reader giggles quite a lot as the pages are turned and the children discover just how soft their new teacher really is.
Ms Taylor writes with a grasp of vocabulary and wit which reminds me of Noel Coward in his prime. I take off my hat to somebody who survived in this job for so long! I give this book 5 stars. Recommended for fans of faction and dry wit.
Displaying 1 - 3 of 3 reviews