Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys

by Stephen James, David Thomas

Playing off the themes in the Caldecott Medal-winning children's book Where the Wild Things Are, this informative, practical, and encouraging guide will help parents guide boys down the path to healthy and authentic manhood. Wild Things addresses the physical, emotional, and spiritual parts of a boy, written by two therapists who are currently engaged in clinical work with boys and their parents and who are also fathers raising five sons. Contains chapters such as “Sit Still! Pay Attention!” “Deficits and Disappointments,” and “Rituals, Ceremonies, and Rites of Passage.”

Genres: Parenting, Nonfiction, Christian, Family, Audiobook, Self Help, Childrens

349 pages, Kindle Edition

First published January 23, 2009

About the author

Librarian Note: There is more than one author in the Goodreads database with this name.


Stephen James, LPC, MHSP, NCC is a private practice psychotherapist in Nashville, TN where he provides individual, couples, and group therapy as well as organizational and leadership consulting.

He received his MA in Counseling from The Seattle School of Theology and Psychology and his BA in English from Belmont University. He has published numerous articles and is the coauthor of five books including the bestselling Wild Things: The Art of Nurturing Boys. Stephen has appeared in interviews on ESPN, Sports Illustrated as well various other media outlets. Stephen speaks and consults often in the areas of servant leadership, parenting, and family.

You can find out more about his clinical practice at www.sagehillcounseling.com.

Reviews

[Catherine · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book scared me a bit. Okay, a lot. According to the authors, I (and my boys) have so far survived the Explorer phase and they're currently in the Lover stage...but I still have the Individual, Wanderer, and Warrior to get through. Having worked with adolescent boys, I know how...um...interesting those years can be. Luckily, this book does give a lot of good ideas for making those years tolerable.

I wasn't crazy about the religious bent of the book, but I was able to skim through most of the blah-blah-blah. The authors make some valid points about raising happy, mature men, but some of their language was a little overly dramatic for my taste.

What I take away from this book: I need to keep loving my boys even when they seem unlovable, force them to spend time with me (and my husband), especially time in nature (which is a big thing for our family already), and maintain my slightly crazy sense of humor both as a way of interacting with them and as a method for coping with their hormone-induced insanity.

[Jesscia · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is my FAVORITE book about boys. It comes at the subject from several angles including light neuroscience, social issues and the practical how-to handle issues. Since I read Wild Things the first time I have used what I learned there every day with my own two boys. For example, I know that my * year old is deep in the Lover stage of his development and is very difficult to manage AND very delicate. This book has helped me be gentle with him and we're both better off for it. It's a must-read for anyone working with kids. I'm reading this book for a 2nd time. I loved it the first time a few years ago and recommended it to my friend Emma. She couldn't get through the first 10 pages because she was annoyed by a Christian (DON"T STOP READING! THERE"S MORE!) theme I did not detect. I saw the authors addressing the physical, emotional, social and spiritual aspects of a boy as necessary to their message about how to create a whole boy.

[Janna Ryan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I have been reading "Wild Things" and being the mother of 3 boys myself I am very impressed by what I have read so far. The book is broken down into different age groups of boys and I have Stephen in The Lovers group (5-8 years) and Philip in The Individual group (9-12). They nailed Stephen to a tee and Philip is pretty close (he is also not your typical boy). Each age group is then broken into:
1) The Way of a Boy
2) The Mind of a Boy
3) The Heart of a Boy
And then there is a Hot Topics section toward the back and I don't agree with everything in the Hot Topics section, but that would be why they are Hot Topics, right? The only thing I have personally disagreed with so far is that "Love and Logic" is recommended by the authors and I don't agree with Love and Logic methods. So like most parenting stuff out there, you have to take some of it with a grain of salt. But overall these guys got it right, especially when it comes to helping you understand your sons by breaking them down into age groups and heart, mind and behavior. I would recommend this book - I'm actually considering putting together a mom's book study on it because I think it is so beneficial.

[Ashley · Rating 1 out of 5]

I don't know guys. I just did not like this book. I wanted to.

I truly know there are differences between boys and girls because I have one (or more) of each. But something about this book came across as SO sexist to me. So I had a hard time really enjoying it.

There are some interesting facts and truth in this book, but overall it didn't help me feel less stressed about raising boys. It actually left me feeling more anxious.

[Erika · Rating 2 out of 5]

I think this book made some good observarions about boys, but I really don't feel comfortable relying on books that make sweeping generalizations about genders.
Being female and reading this book was insulting. It is not good to raise our kids based on a 'normal', better to raise our kid based on the specific kid.

[Ashley Arnold · Rating 2 out of 5]

Some good tips for little boys and talking to older boys, but so much of it was outdated, and I completely disagreed with the idea that potential rites of passage for boys could include smoking pot and sleeping with a girl. No thank you - that’s not the type of man I’m hoping/trying to raise.

[Abby · Rating 3 out of 5]

Sage counsel from two Christian dads (counselors and pastors) about the various stages of boyhood and how mothers and fathers can guide their boys well. By virtue of the subject, it seems hard to avoid stereotyping boys as a broad category, but I often found myself a little irritated by some of the authors’ broad generalizations about boys (being the mother of a very sensitive boy and the wife of a very emotionally literate man). They quote John Eldredge a little too much for my taste, in other words. But still, there is a lot of wisdom here to ponder. I found myself particularly intrigued by the concept of designing a rite of passage/initiation for our boys around the age of 13, as we come from a tradition that no longer has such a ceremony. It seems valuable, in a culture that fails to teach boys much about becoming a man.

[Andrew Brooks · Rating 5 out of 5]

MUST READ FOR ANYONE INVOLVED WITH BOYS.

I will read and refer to this book again and again. Stephen James and David Thomas go into great detail about each stage of a boy's life. Looking back on my childhood and now having 2 boys of my own there were times I felt like they were describing me and my boys to a T.

This isn't a "How To" book, which I appreciate. They explain the stages a boy goes through, offer insight, but leave the parenting and leadership up to the reader.

So good!! This has become my favorite non-fiction book.

[Kassidy Lundgren · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was good, gave some good suggestions. For sure made me nervous about what’s to come…I will probably need to read it again as my boys grow 😂 I didn’t love everything they suggested and the layout of the book seemed all over the place but I probably will reference this book again.

[Emma Wright · Rating 1 out of 5]

An all around loss- after page 18 I skimmed through so I could come give a scathing review. Listen, I believe that biological sex differences lead to different boy and girl tendencies, experiences, and therefore parenting needs. I don’t deny this. What I do wholeheartedly deny is the poorly interpreted science, conservative myths, and sexism that occupy 95% of this book. I’m begging you, with all my “I’m also a counselor” credentials, please do not wholeheartedly trust their “scientific statements”, they make fundamental mistakes in their understanding of the brain and its plasticity.

About 5% of this was decent overall parenting advice on allowing independence, natural consequences, and fostering free play (all equally important to both genders oops)- it gets one star for that I guess.

[Carrie Rogers · Rating 1 out of 5]

“Don’t coddle him. Coddling hurts his masculine journey.”

Dangerously dated in a way that contradicts the American Pediatric Association research in many areas. Would love to read again when it’s updated with current medical and biological research findings.

[Susy C. *MotherLambReads* · Rating 5 out of 5]

Basically a handbook for raising boys that covers all the things in a Christian and scientific perspective. Glad it was recommended to us. Need to read this every year!

[Ada Tarcau · Rating 4 out of 5]

A very good and detailed guide of wholistic approach on raising boys.
I truly enjoyed the first part that goes through all the stages in a boy’s life - it was quite new for me all this unfolding, stage by stage and it really got me thinking - not only on the shortness of each stage and how I must soak it all in while I can (mine are in the explorer and lover stage now, quite delicious, come to think of what’s ahead), but also on how I must learn to adapt and grow alongside them.

I also enjoyed the bits of neuroscience - made me more understanding of the impulsiveness - hyperactivity - aggression that they are prone to.
There were other bits and pieces that have enlarged my heart towards my boys and have given me a bigger perspective. Also some of the suggestions of “turning the principles into practice” that end each chapter were quite notable and lovely. Not all, though (some felt as theoretical as restating the principle under slightly different details).

The hot topics were kind of skimmed (but who can ask for more, after all this is quite a thick book as it is) - after the first part, the book felt a little bit like a downhill ride, finishing with these little chapters that gave answers you can easily find with a google-search.

But! This really is a worthwhile book if you are raising a boy! (Do not be put off by the 4 stars. I have just read The Master and Margerita and simply cannot give 5 stars so easy anymore😅).

[Leslie Anne Marbach · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a great book for boy moms! I also think it’s great for women in general and for fathers to read as well. The authors do a wonderful job of explaining the nuances of the male brain and emotional system from a scientific, psychological, and emotional standpoint. I loved how the life of the boy is broken up into age groups throughout the book. It helped me identify the phase my children are currently in, and I’m looking forward to pulling out and re reading sections as they age. I’m not normally a big parental advice person, but I discovered some pearls in this book.

[Claire Johnson · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved this. Feeling completely clueless on how to love my boys most days, this gave me so much insight. Maybe I’ve just been living under a rock? But I’m so glad I own this book so I can come back to it to reference how to nurture my boys & not squash them. There are practical steps at the end of each chapter that we can take - which I really appreciated. I have to admit that I skipped the few chapters that didn’t relate to where my boys are yet. I’ll cross that bridge when we get to it!

[Kelsey Mangeni (kman.reads) · Rating 4 out of 5]

This book was so so good, with lots of brain science but also tons of practical tips for parents-which is imperative for a great parenting book.

I would recommend this to evvvvveryone with a growing boy in their life!

[Alli · Rating 4 out of 5]

I was skeptical of this book at first — it feels like some of this info (especially the first bit) could be contributed to all kids, and not just boys. But as I read on, I found some insightful thoughts about the “way” of boys. Mine is a sensitive one, which made it hard to relate with the book at first, but I was able to spot him in the pages soon enough.

If anything, this book sparked my interest to learn more about the boys (and men) in my life, and how they specifically display God’s image.

[Deetz · Rating 3 out of 5]

I felt the authors painted boys with a pretty broad brush, ie all boys are impulsive, active, loud, etc and I have taught long enough to know that isn't always the case. However since I am reading this because I do have a boy who is impulsive, active, wild, and loud the information was helpful for me.

[Ashlee · Rating 2 out of 5]

Religious and sexist. Any facts in the book are called into question.

[Vanessa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The quick version:

I really wanted to like this book, but I simply didn’t.

Pros:
—Some helpful ideas
—Some generally true information
—Christian perspective
—Counselor perspective and many stories shared from boys/men counseled

Cons:
—Quite a bit of outdated information.
—Written from a strongly American cultural interpretation of what manhood/masculinity means
—A lot of John Eldridge and Richard Rohr references (iykyk)
—It was so repetitive on some ideas. The book could’ve been significantly shorter.

The longer version:

As much as they talked about making space for boys having different interests (such as music, art, theater) the authors at the same time defined boyhood in a very narrow way.

In the same way it felt as though they were trying to encourage developing emotional health in boys while simultaneously making excuses for why boys can’t/won’t act appropriately and how too much is being asked of them (for example the mentions of how traditional schooling isn’t designed with boys in mind).

Overall I felt like way this book described boys in the different phases was nothing like what I experienced with my brother (who loves theater and art) growing up. Additionally, my husband also didn’t seem to resonate with a lot of it as I chatted with him.

I felt like this book was describing a certain type of boy and was less helpful than I hoped. As others mentioned, it left me feeling more anxious and less prepared than I hoped.

[Natalie Smith · Rating 5 out of 5]

Excellent book and I highly recommend it. This also comes with some tough topics as well. Something that stood out to me was the creative discipline techniques. For instance keep trash bags and disposable gloves in your trunk and when you are driving and you find there needs to be immediate discipline for something you literally pull over and have him start picking up trash. A little community service to fit the crime. But also as other books constantly affirm the idea of being present with your son is so important. A boy will also need a strong male presence in his life which typically includes his father and other male mentors. There is also a quick reference guide in the back that is really helpful.

[Emilian Dascălu · Rating 5 out of 5]

"Through his sons, a father reconnects with his own experience of being a boy (and a son himself). When looking at his son, a dad often sees himself (sometimes missing his son altogether)."

"As a father, a man has the tremendous power to bless or curse his son. The quality of relationship a boy has with his dad will directly affect the rest of his life-from how he relates to God, to how he will relate to his future wife, to how he will one day parent his own sons. A son's connection to his father is one of the most defining experiences in a boy's life, but being a father to a boy is not an easy relationship to establish, grow, or maintain."

"Boys need the strong hand of love and the tender hand of discipline. The best discipline combines both tenderness and strength. For a boy to become a man of courage and sensitivity, he must be disciplined with love and respect. If he is shamed, punitively demeaned, frightened, or raged at, he will learn to distrust authority, deny his sensitive nature, rest in passivity, or dissent."

[Madison Hinton · Rating 5 out of 5]

It took me a LONG time to finish this. Basically I read it for awhile and then put it down and finally picked it back up again. I think this is going to be very helpful to me as I continue raising my son. Since it covers really all of adolescence, it doesn’t all apply to me now. I think re reading this every few years or at least going back and reading the age appropriate chapters and sections will be a wonderful resource.

[Huskwa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Mothers of boys!you must read this book!!!
I understand that we(women) are different than men but I thought that raising a boy is same as raising a girl…it’s just so different!
In this book you will find tools to help you navigate their world and to give you a direction on how to help them transition from boys to men.

[Ruthie Turpin · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book has proven to be a helpful resource when we find ourselves in a head-scratching situation parenting our one and only boy (read: regularly). I also believe David Thomas should get a cut of the trampoline purchase we made after reading the chapter on “the space”.

[Marina · Rating 5 out of 5]

Super helpful to this boy mom! Lots to laugh about, think about and prepare for. Ordered a hard copy because I will definitely be referencing various sections, frequently. Would highly recommend.

[Becca · Rating 5 out of 5]

So good. Cannot recommend enough for caregivers of boys. Will be referring back to this as my boys grow!

[Jackie · Rating 4 out of 5]

Excited to reread this throughout the years!

[Megan Scholle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Generally very helpful! I also appreciated the way the book was organized and thought it was well written.

[Shannon Evanko · Rating 5 out of 5]

I can’t think of a more influential parenting book that I’ve read, thus far. If you have a boy— read this book! If you’re an influence in a boy’s life— read this book! Incredible.