“To Whom It May Concern,
I obey, I work, I appreciate. I scrub, I vacuum, I mop. I want you so bad I’ll do whatever you ask.
I can kill, I can steal, I can take the blame for anything you need. I can dance, I can sing, I can be your exotic queen. I can carry, I can build, I can drive you from building to building. I can be the star of your football team. I can fight all your wars for a tiny, shiny coin. Two coins and I will probably work in your rotten hospitals, universities, tech companies. I can live in your apartments and take care of your babies. For free. It would be an honor to live under the same roof as you, your creepy, husband, and your newborn baby. I can be your cheap prostitute, right here, right now, I can take it all in. If the earth collapses in on you, one day, take this oath, I will be your human shield.
Will you let me stay, let me stay, let me stay”.
Layla, is a Turkish immigrant living in Berlin who ends up cleaning and scrubbing toilets at a hostel. At night she spends time clubbing — [drinking, snorting Ketamine, and hooking up with a guy from Sweden].
“Last night’s show left me feeling even further away from the bold writer I thought I’d become by now” …
So… in ‘dear diary style’….we learn about her struggles.
With a failed thesis, Layla takes her university to court for the injustice. (with an expired visa—good luck!).
“The court could decide that my thesis was good enough to pass, and I could become a master of arts overnight. Then, I would have eighteen months to find a real job, which should be more than enough, even though I don’t know what I mean by a real job since I don’t ever want to work in an office again. Is this why I am so eager to call myself a cleaner? Do I think that being a cleaner might make me part of the city in a way neither being a student, nor an artist could?”
“A poor immigrant who wants to create art is irrelevant. A poor, immigrant looking for a job is an annoyance. A poor, immigrant looking for any job to survive has the potential to be profitable. But to turn a profit, one needs to get rid of all the inconveniences, like self regard, hopes, and dreams”.
“Two days ago, the court sent both me and the university copies of the same letter, advising us to meet and discuss the case one last time before they set a hearing. Yesterday, the University sent me an invitation email to meet the director in his office at the end of January. The court wants us to solve the issue among ourselves since I’m on legal aid and if a hearing takes place and I lose, the government will have to cover the expenses”.
As a debut….Nazli Koca does a fine job giving us the experience of a twenty something year old, struggling…..
….immigrant, or not.
Personally….
I have no connection with being drunk…so…
I found myself agreeing with the protagonist when she said things like:
“The drunker I got, the more put together, everyone else seem to me, against myself”.
Made perfect sense to me!
Was I suppose to feel sorry for Layla?
I didn’t love or or hate this debut.
The darkness was murky and the lightness was cynical …..
Overall …I was neutral to this novel.