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Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs...She Thinks I'm a Piano Player in a Whorehouse
'Great two-fisted writing from the far side of hell.' - John Birmingham, bestselling author of He Died with a Felafel in his Hand
'A unique look at a gritty game. Relentlessly funny and obsessively readable.' - Phillip Noyce, director of The Quiet American and Clear and Present Danger
Paul Carter has been shot at, hijacked and held hostage.
He's almost died of dysentery in Asia and toothache in Russia, watched a Texan lose his mind in the jungles of Asia, lost a lot of money backing a mouse against a scorpion in a fight to the death, and been served cocktails by an orang-utan on an ocean freighter. And that's just his day job.
Taking postings in some of the world's wildest and most remote regions, not to mention some of the roughest oil rigs on the planet, Paul has worked, gotten into trouble and been given serious talkings to in locations as far-flung as the North Sea, Middle East, Borneo and Tunisia, as exotic as Sumatera, Vietnam and Thailand, and as flat out dangerous as Columbia, Nigeria and Russia, with some of the maddest, baddest and strangest people you could ever hope not to meet.
Strap yourself in for an exhilarating, crazed, sometimes terrifying, usually bloody funny ride through one man's adventures in the oil trade.
When not getting into trouble on the rigs Paul lives a quiet life in Sydney.
'A unique look at a gritty game. Relentlessly funny and obsessively readable.' - Phillip Noyce, director of The Quiet American and Clear and Present Danger
Paul Carter has been shot at, hijacked and held hostage.
He's almost died of dysentery in Asia and toothache in Russia, watched a Texan lose his mind in the jungles of Asia, lost a lot of money backing a mouse against a scorpion in a fight to the death, and been served cocktails by an orang-utan on an ocean freighter. And that's just his day job.
Taking postings in some of the world's wildest and most remote regions, not to mention some of the roughest oil rigs on the planet, Paul has worked, gotten into trouble and been given serious talkings to in locations as far-flung as the North Sea, Middle East, Borneo and Tunisia, as exotic as Sumatera, Vietnam and Thailand, and as flat out dangerous as Columbia, Nigeria and Russia, with some of the maddest, baddest and strangest people you could ever hope not to meet.
Strap yourself in for an exhilarating, crazed, sometimes terrifying, usually bloody funny ride through one man's adventures in the oil trade.
When not getting into trouble on the rigs Paul lives a quiet life in Sydney.
225 pages, Kindle Edition
First published August 1, 2005
147 people are currently reading
2136 people want to read
About the author
Paul Carter
152 books90 followersPaul Carter was born in England in 1969. His father's military career had the family moving all over the world, re-locating every few years. Paul has lived, worked, gotten into trouble and been given a serious talking to in England, Scotland, Germany, France, Holland, Norway, Portugal, Tunisia, Australia, Nigeria, Russia, Singapore, Malaysia, Borneo, Columbia, Vietnam, Thailand, Papua New Guinea, Sumatra, the Philippines, Korea, Japan, China, USA and Saudi Arabia. Today he lives in Perth with his wife, baby daughter and two motorbikes.
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 466 reviews
January 23, 2009
David Sederis would kill for this material, thought he'd probably be killed getting it which would mean no book. That would be unfortunate if Sederis was writing it. Carter, meanwhile, demonstrates that great material does not great writing make. Which is too bad, because there is some truly great material in here.
August 21, 2013
First, know what you're getting here. Not an indictment of the oil industry or anything like that. A series of amusing tales related to working on oil rigs in some pretty wild locations.
It's compulsively readable. Sort of like I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell except you don't get that feeling that the author is trying to explain how awesome he is at any point. There are shit stories, more than one story about a monkey (although if we're going to get picky, one story is about an orangutan, which is a great ape as opposed to a monkey, a distinction that is as stupid as it is pointless and only serves to cause people who like to prove how smart they are to correct their friends on something that does not need to be corrected. After all, how important is the exact taxonomy of an animal when the story is about how it threw feces on the glass at the zoo?)
It's interesting to me that this kind of entertainment is often called "juvenile." If you tell a story about crapping your pants, that story falls into the juvenile category just by nature of the fact that it's about pants-crapping. Which really makes no sense.
What makes a story about crapping one's pants as an adult funny is the fact that the person is an adult. If you wrote a book about your infant crapping himself on an airplane, who would be amused by that? I could see more literary tension from a book about an infant that DID NOT crap itself on a transatlantic flight. First it's no big deal, then there's concern about what's building up in there, and by hour 5 things have escalated to sheer panic at 30,000 feet, waiting for the bomb. That's some Hitchcock stuff right there.
Frankly, I think that shit stories are for grown-ups. I really do. You know what's for kids?
I was sitting at a bar reading this very book, and I overheard what must have been a first date happening next to me.
"So, are you a religious person?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, not like going to church and stuff. This is going to sound really crazy, but I think the Native American religions are the ones that speak to me the most."
"That doesn't sound crazy at all, actually."
I don't actually know that this was a first date, but I have my suspicions because that's the only reason I can imagine tolerating someone saying that they are into "Native American religions." Not that those are total bullshit or anything, for all I know, but isn't that like saying, "Oh, I believe in Asian religions"? Doesn't "Native American religion" encompass a wide range of beliefs that would be difficult to condense into a single vision? Isn't there probably a bigger difference between most of them than there is between Catholics and Christians? THEY PROBABLY DON'T EVEN HAVE THE SAME GUYS RUNNING SHIT! Not to mention that she sounded bored with her own answer, and then the subject was quickly dropped. So this line of talk got them exactly nowhere.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that this is what passes for ADULT conversation, even though I can't imagine that either of them was really enjoying this exchange.
Now, it takes a special person, but if someone on a date told me their most heinous shit story, I could almost guarantee that I'd be more into her than someone who explained to me the wise ways of non-specific non-mainstream religions. That's boring. I can read about that if I want to, and as I approach 30 I've become closed-minded enough to believe that if I'm really interested in something, I WILL investigate it.
On the other hand, nobody can just read a book about the time when I was 7 and crapped myself at the Grand Canyon. And I guarantee I can talk about that with far more interest and verve than I could any sort of philosophy.
I want to be entertained by other adults. I don't mean it's a Dance Monkey, Dance! kind of situation. Just that when talking to someone...
When meeting adults, they ask "So, what do you do?"
WHO GIVES A SHIT! THAT TELLS ME NOTHING ABOUT YOU! Tell me about the time you fell into a ditch while attempting to see some fireworks. Tell me about the time you embarrassed yourself at a wedding by accidentally collapsing a folding table. Tell me about the last terribly awkward social situation you were in. That's fun. Even if I don't end up being friends with you long term, at least we killed that 5 minutes with fun instead of explaining what an accounting assistant does at Stucco Rite inc.
It's a weird argument, I know. But in all honesty, I think it's more grown up to tell a story about peeing your pants than it is to explain how you modernized the spreadsheet as we all know it.
It's compulsively readable. Sort of like I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell except you don't get that feeling that the author is trying to explain how awesome he is at any point. There are shit stories, more than one story about a monkey (although if we're going to get picky, one story is about an orangutan, which is a great ape as opposed to a monkey, a distinction that is as stupid as it is pointless and only serves to cause people who like to prove how smart they are to correct their friends on something that does not need to be corrected. After all, how important is the exact taxonomy of an animal when the story is about how it threw feces on the glass at the zoo?)
It's interesting to me that this kind of entertainment is often called "juvenile." If you tell a story about crapping your pants, that story falls into the juvenile category just by nature of the fact that it's about pants-crapping. Which really makes no sense.
What makes a story about crapping one's pants as an adult funny is the fact that the person is an adult. If you wrote a book about your infant crapping himself on an airplane, who would be amused by that? I could see more literary tension from a book about an infant that DID NOT crap itself on a transatlantic flight. First it's no big deal, then there's concern about what's building up in there, and by hour 5 things have escalated to sheer panic at 30,000 feet, waiting for the bomb. That's some Hitchcock stuff right there.
Frankly, I think that shit stories are for grown-ups. I really do. You know what's for kids?
I was sitting at a bar reading this very book, and I overheard what must have been a first date happening next to me.
"So, are you a religious person?"
"Well, yeah. I mean, not like going to church and stuff. This is going to sound really crazy, but I think the Native American religions are the ones that speak to me the most."
"That doesn't sound crazy at all, actually."
I don't actually know that this was a first date, but I have my suspicions because that's the only reason I can imagine tolerating someone saying that they are into "Native American religions." Not that those are total bullshit or anything, for all I know, but isn't that like saying, "Oh, I believe in Asian religions"? Doesn't "Native American religion" encompass a wide range of beliefs that would be difficult to condense into a single vision? Isn't there probably a bigger difference between most of them than there is between Catholics and Christians? THEY PROBABLY DON'T EVEN HAVE THE SAME GUYS RUNNING SHIT! Not to mention that she sounded bored with her own answer, and then the subject was quickly dropped. So this line of talk got them exactly nowhere.
Anyway, what I'm saying is that this is what passes for ADULT conversation, even though I can't imagine that either of them was really enjoying this exchange.
Now, it takes a special person, but if someone on a date told me their most heinous shit story, I could almost guarantee that I'd be more into her than someone who explained to me the wise ways of non-specific non-mainstream religions. That's boring. I can read about that if I want to, and as I approach 30 I've become closed-minded enough to believe that if I'm really interested in something, I WILL investigate it.
On the other hand, nobody can just read a book about the time when I was 7 and crapped myself at the Grand Canyon. And I guarantee I can talk about that with far more interest and verve than I could any sort of philosophy.
I want to be entertained by other adults. I don't mean it's a Dance Monkey, Dance! kind of situation. Just that when talking to someone...
When meeting adults, they ask "So, what do you do?"
WHO GIVES A SHIT! THAT TELLS ME NOTHING ABOUT YOU! Tell me about the time you fell into a ditch while attempting to see some fireworks. Tell me about the time you embarrassed yourself at a wedding by accidentally collapsing a folding table. Tell me about the last terribly awkward social situation you were in. That's fun. Even if I don't end up being friends with you long term, at least we killed that 5 minutes with fun instead of explaining what an accounting assistant does at Stucco Rite inc.
It's a weird argument, I know. But in all honesty, I think it's more grown up to tell a story about peeing your pants than it is to explain how you modernized the spreadsheet as we all know it.
May 19, 2019
This book was one hell of a lot of fun!
To put it simply it is the story, told in his own words, of a young man who started working on oil rigs when in his 20's and was/is still doing so in his thirties.
Now that sounds like it has the potential to be grim reading, it was the title that drew me to this book. Nothing with that title could lack humour surely?
In this (rare) case, judging a book by it's cover worked really well. The stories span rigs allover Asia, in Russia, Africa and the Middle East. The stories are often hilarious, occasionally scary and without exception fascinating.
The characters that Paul Carter has met around the world are vividly described and often as hilarious, scary and fascinating as the series of extraordinary adventures that this young man's life has consisted of.
Now, oil rigs right! I knew almost nothing about them before reading this - except for signing a lot of petitions to try and prevent more going up. I never gave much thought to the kind of people who worked on them, or how they operated. In the respect of the people working on them, this book was quite enlightening. While I can't honestly say I know all that much more about how the rigs work - there are diagrams if you feel you want them but the narrative does not really demand too much of you. The stories are more about the lifestyle than the job and really, that is ok by me. This book is great fun to read, it would be sad if the fun had been spoiled by the environmental reality around the rigs themselves. Though I did really appreciate the Epilogue in which the author gives us his perspective on the matter.
More than anything else this is a fun series of stories, told in matter of fact language (much like I imagine the author would tell them over a few beers, if you were lucky enough to go drinking with him), about travelling around the world. I love travel stories, and these are travel stories unlike any other ones I have ever read.
Lots of fun, I do recommend.
To put it simply it is the story, told in his own words, of a young man who started working on oil rigs when in his 20's and was/is still doing so in his thirties.
Now that sounds like it has the potential to be grim reading, it was the title that drew me to this book. Nothing with that title could lack humour surely?
In this (rare) case, judging a book by it's cover worked really well. The stories span rigs allover Asia, in Russia, Africa and the Middle East. The stories are often hilarious, occasionally scary and without exception fascinating.
The characters that Paul Carter has met around the world are vividly described and often as hilarious, scary and fascinating as the series of extraordinary adventures that this young man's life has consisted of.
Now, oil rigs right! I knew almost nothing about them before reading this - except for signing a lot of petitions to try and prevent more going up. I never gave much thought to the kind of people who worked on them, or how they operated. In the respect of the people working on them, this book was quite enlightening. While I can't honestly say I know all that much more about how the rigs work - there are diagrams if you feel you want them but the narrative does not really demand too much of you. The stories are more about the lifestyle than the job and really, that is ok by me. This book is great fun to read, it would be sad if the fun had been spoiled by the environmental reality around the rigs themselves. Though I did really appreciate the Epilogue in which the author gives us his perspective on the matter.
More than anything else this is a fun series of stories, told in matter of fact language (much like I imagine the author would tell them over a few beers, if you were lucky enough to go drinking with him), about travelling around the world. I love travel stories, and these are travel stories unlike any other ones I have ever read.
Lots of fun, I do recommend.
February 13, 2017
The author and narrator was irritating and just seemed to be about fighting and macho activities. If you like this you'll love the book. Despite that,towards the end I began to warm to him. Also he is a good storyteller. Hence 3 stars. Otherwise for irritation I would have given him 5 out of 5
July 3, 2011
My mother laughed uproariously throughout this book, then thrust it into my hands and said, ‘You must read this’. When she saw that I was planning to read it on the train, she was worried. ‘You might laugh too much’.
There are some hilarious points to this book, one of them involving a clever monkey and a key, others involving boyish hijinks on an oil rig. There are serious points too (such as what accidents can happen on a rig) but Carter makes this a light-hearted, fun read. Following the oil action around the world, he comes into contact with remote tribes, guns and what being stuck on a rig for a small period of time can do to you – such as becoming friends with spiders. He also experiences the traveller’s worst nightmare – dysentery at 30 000 feet. There are some serious points, such as the downside to relationships when you’re stuck in a remote area of the world and accidents in the Aussie Outback.
For those who are worried that the vagaries of oil rigging may be beyond their knowledge, Carter provides a helpful diagram and brief explanations – not that you need it, because the laughter is pouring out just like, dare I say it, an oil strike!
This is simple, fast read – perfect for standing out in a crowd because everyone will be wondering what on earth you’re laughing about.
There are some hilarious points to this book, one of them involving a clever monkey and a key, others involving boyish hijinks on an oil rig. There are serious points too (such as what accidents can happen on a rig) but Carter makes this a light-hearted, fun read. Following the oil action around the world, he comes into contact with remote tribes, guns and what being stuck on a rig for a small period of time can do to you – such as becoming friends with spiders. He also experiences the traveller’s worst nightmare – dysentery at 30 000 feet. There are some serious points, such as the downside to relationships when you’re stuck in a remote area of the world and accidents in the Aussie Outback.
For those who are worried that the vagaries of oil rigging may be beyond their knowledge, Carter provides a helpful diagram and brief explanations – not that you need it, because the laughter is pouring out just like, dare I say it, an oil strike!
This is simple, fast read – perfect for standing out in a crowd because everyone will be wondering what on earth you’re laughing about.
September 28, 2021
I wasn’t expecting a literary work of art and I am clearly not the market for this book - but I read it anyway - but still the book left a nasty taste. I know the hyperbole is meant to make it more humorous, but I didn’t laugh.
Casual violence to animals, fucking the environment, seriously bashing up people, watching young Thai girls being trained to perform sex acts for sick men, throwing little people against walls in a bar and exploiting workers from developing countries. Yet he talks about being a Freemason as an organisation to defend morals which are traded for anything. Would that be like, I don’t know, making a profit from fossil fuels and fucking the environment and killing animals for fun and all the above?
Casual violence to animals, fucking the environment, seriously bashing up people, watching young Thai girls being trained to perform sex acts for sick men, throwing little people against walls in a bar and exploiting workers from developing countries. Yet he talks about being a Freemason as an organisation to defend morals which are traded for anything. Would that be like, I don’t know, making a profit from fossil fuels and fucking the environment and killing animals for fun and all the above?
October 4, 2012
A hilarious collection of stories you'd want to hear told in the pub. In fact reading it felt more like that than getting immersed in a book. Genuinely laugh out loud funny, I finished it in an afternoon. It's not subtle, cleverly written or a literary masterpiece. What it is though, is funny as fuck. You truly couldn't make up the stories he has to tell. Outrageous.
May 13, 2019
Probably the funniest read I've had all year. Including memes which tickle me exactly right.
January 5, 2011
This book was totally hilarious!! Wonderful holiday reading, I used it as a reward whilst shifting house!! Ok, clean another room - you get to read a chapter, pack a few boxes you get two chapters.....
Paul Carter works in the oil industry, and the book is like a succession of boy's own adventures, or the plot of a Cohen movie where the real becomes the bizarre, and I kept thinking 'did that really happen!"
Just one little taster - this apparently occurred in the jungle in Borneo.
"Nothing in the jungle follows the rules as we understand them. Dogs don't chase cats, cats don't chase mice, Monkeys don't ask for bananas, they want cigarettes. Ambu,for example, arrived at the workshop in the village once with two dogs in tow. One was a big shaggy dopey looking thing with a small scruffy multicoloured guy who walked under the bigger dog. I asked if they were his dogs. Ambu pointed at the the big one and said, 'She's Kuching....she my dog...The other one is Kuchings's dog....His name is Arnap.'
'Your dog has a dog?' I asked.
Ambu nodded. 'she bring him home one day.'"
Brilliant.
Paul Carter works in the oil industry, and the book is like a succession of boy's own adventures, or the plot of a Cohen movie where the real becomes the bizarre, and I kept thinking 'did that really happen!"
Just one little taster - this apparently occurred in the jungle in Borneo.
"Nothing in the jungle follows the rules as we understand them. Dogs don't chase cats, cats don't chase mice, Monkeys don't ask for bananas, they want cigarettes. Ambu,for example, arrived at the workshop in the village once with two dogs in tow. One was a big shaggy dopey looking thing with a small scruffy multicoloured guy who walked under the bigger dog. I asked if they were his dogs. Ambu pointed at the the big one and said, 'She's Kuching....she my dog...The other one is Kuchings's dog....His name is Arnap.'
'Your dog has a dog?' I asked.
Ambu nodded. 'she bring him home one day.'"
Brilliant.
March 9, 2011
No, no, this is really, really bad. I got through Chapter 1, the writing was terrible, but I thought "Oh well, it's not a literary masterpiece but I can put up with it for the sake of the story". I was slightly worried when I got to the story of the friend, the rosebush, the Chinese food and the dope - mmmm slightly juvenile and very unfunny. I started Chapter 2, aha, he is a rigger, at last we can get going. No, I got to the frying apricots instead of eggs, contemplated whether it was supposed to be funny or interesting, decided it was neither and gave up. My husband tells me that the stories of life in remote mining locations is very interesting when you get to them, but I am not prepared to find out.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
March 28, 2017
I need a new face because after reading this book I laughed mine off... I loved every single story Pauli shared in this book and i really liked the authenticity he used to describe the oddest scenarios. Simple but extremely effective, my favorite way of reading.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
October 10, 2023
I was drawn in by the book’s title, which I think is great, the book itself wasn’t so good. I was expecting a memoir of life aboard an oil rig, with camaraderie and high jinx, with time to build up characters and a sense of family, but it’s a rather chaotic story.
It’s mostly a series of anecdotes, set as much on land as it is on the rigs, as the author regularly moves from place to place as jobs come up. It could still have been a great travel book, but everything is so quickly dealt with it’s hard to keep track of who, what & where. The storytelling often felt a bit basic and immature and it also ended rather suddenly. Add to that, I looked at other reviews for this title and some people say the author’s stories are well known tales from off the rigs, so many of the events probably never happened to them at all. Perhaps take what you read here with a pinch of salt. It’s ok, but it’s a book probably best enjoyed by young men in their early twenties who don’t read much. I think that’s the audience.
The physical book does have a couple of simplified maps, a diagram of a rig, and a selection of photos of the author while he was off working abroad. However, I listened to the audiobook, read by the author himself, which was well narrated. I’d happily listen to him read other non-fiction titles if he made a career out of it.
It’s mostly a series of anecdotes, set as much on land as it is on the rigs, as the author regularly moves from place to place as jobs come up. It could still have been a great travel book, but everything is so quickly dealt with it’s hard to keep track of who, what & where. The storytelling often felt a bit basic and immature and it also ended rather suddenly. Add to that, I looked at other reviews for this title and some people say the author’s stories are well known tales from off the rigs, so many of the events probably never happened to them at all. Perhaps take what you read here with a pinch of salt. It’s ok, but it’s a book probably best enjoyed by young men in their early twenties who don’t read much. I think that’s the audience.
The physical book does have a couple of simplified maps, a diagram of a rig, and a selection of photos of the author while he was off working abroad. However, I listened to the audiobook, read by the author himself, which was well narrated. I’d happily listen to him read other non-fiction titles if he made a career out of it.
January 21, 2018
I actually sampled the part that had to do with the author's experience working in Nigeria before deciding to read through the whole book, my reason for doing this was to be sure I was not wasting my time reading some twisted tales with no iota of truth in them and guess what? it was a smart decision I made.
I happen to work on the rigs in Nigeria and I can confirm based on my experience on rigs all over that
1) Not everyone has a gun in Nigeria; in fact you would need a valid license from the police to own a non-automatic piece e.g. shot guns.
2) No one builds houses in Nigeria using empty cartons and tins like the author insinuated, in the same Port-Harcourt where the author uses as the environment where he worked, the least house you can find there is still built using bricks so I don't get which dimension Paul must have been looking through to see such houses.
3) He also mentioned that during the strike on the rig, the workers took over strategic places like radio room , well control etc. Bruv, what the hell do you mean by well control??? There's no place termed well control on a rig, it's either you are referring to the Koomey Unit, Remote Control Panel or the Driller's Control Panel so I assume this bloke hasn't even been on a rig before but concocts some tasty-sounding bollocks to shove down the throat of the generally naive public.
4)Finally I wonder how Paul Carter disembarked from a flight in Lagos and gets driven down to Port-Hacourt which is like 6hrs by road yet he mentions it trivially like Port Harcourt was close to Lagos. I also wonder why he wasn't taken to the rig by flight from Lagos but rather by road which no company ever does around here (i smell a shit load of bollocks on this one too!).
Anyway I guess a man's gotta get paid and the way Monsieur Carter does get paid is to write lies and publish them as a novel. Not even that he knows how to write though...he actually sucks at it...go on back to school mate and get your education maybe you would be able to write better than a kindergartner.
Cheers y'all.
I happen to work on the rigs in Nigeria and I can confirm based on my experience on rigs all over that
1) Not everyone has a gun in Nigeria; in fact you would need a valid license from the police to own a non-automatic piece e.g. shot guns.
2) No one builds houses in Nigeria using empty cartons and tins like the author insinuated, in the same Port-Harcourt where the author uses as the environment where he worked, the least house you can find there is still built using bricks so I don't get which dimension Paul must have been looking through to see such houses.
3) He also mentioned that during the strike on the rig, the workers took over strategic places like radio room , well control etc. Bruv, what the hell do you mean by well control??? There's no place termed well control on a rig, it's either you are referring to the Koomey Unit, Remote Control Panel or the Driller's Control Panel so I assume this bloke hasn't even been on a rig before but concocts some tasty-sounding bollocks to shove down the throat of the generally naive public.
4)Finally I wonder how Paul Carter disembarked from a flight in Lagos and gets driven down to Port-Hacourt which is like 6hrs by road yet he mentions it trivially like Port Harcourt was close to Lagos. I also wonder why he wasn't taken to the rig by flight from Lagos but rather by road which no company ever does around here (i smell a shit load of bollocks on this one too!).
Anyway I guess a man's gotta get paid and the way Monsieur Carter does get paid is to write lies and publish them as a novel. Not even that he knows how to write though...he actually sucks at it...go on back to school mate and get your education maybe you would be able to write better than a kindergartner.
Cheers y'all.
August 23, 2010
I picked up this book simply because it obviously has an awesome title.
Anyway. Since I was little I read more books than any kid probably should (I would go through approximately 5 per week... hey, I do live in a country where it rains a lot you know) and I always found that reading was an excellent way to go places without, you know, actually going places. This book took me places I most definately would never want to actually go to, even if it's just because, you know, I would actually like to keep all of my limbs. The author describes insanely dangerous and dangerously insane situations, and laces a bemused kind of humour through them that found me laughing out loud several times. It's a fun read, of a life that will most likely have absolutely nothing in common with your own (and how enlightening that is!). I know jack shit about the oil trade, and this book is not designed to teach you about all its ins and outs, but it doesn't matter.
The only negative thing here is that the book didn't seem to have much of an ending. It just sort of... stopped, but didn't seem finished or rounded off. After an enjoyable time reading it, that left me feeling a little unsatisfied.
Anyway. Since I was little I read more books than any kid probably should (I would go through approximately 5 per week... hey, I do live in a country where it rains a lot you know) and I always found that reading was an excellent way to go places without, you know, actually going places. This book took me places I most definately would never want to actually go to, even if it's just because, you know, I would actually like to keep all of my limbs. The author describes insanely dangerous and dangerously insane situations, and laces a bemused kind of humour through them that found me laughing out loud several times. It's a fun read, of a life that will most likely have absolutely nothing in common with your own (and how enlightening that is!). I know jack shit about the oil trade, and this book is not designed to teach you about all its ins and outs, but it doesn't matter.
The only negative thing here is that the book didn't seem to have much of an ending. It just sort of... stopped, but didn't seem finished or rounded off. After an enjoyable time reading it, that left me feeling a little unsatisfied.
July 21, 2022
A series of anecdotes, compulsively readable, very funny at times. The reader is just happy to learn about these faraway places and bizarre happenings from the safety of a book. All in all, many LOLs, and never a dull moment. Recommended.
Other reviewers have remarked that 'the author has a lot of material but could've done more with it'. Well, yes and no. The point of the book is not to be a travelogue but rather a glimpse at the author's experiences in various places that most of us won't ever visit, either from lack of opportunity - Japan, let's say - or simply from plain common sense (Nigeria, anyone?) Also, by cutting to the chase and going from story to story, the audience remains involved and on its toes. Sure, some of the stories could have been stretched/padded, but maybe the result would have been a less engaging book.
Other reviewers have remarked that 'the author has a lot of material but could've done more with it'. Well, yes and no. The point of the book is not to be a travelogue but rather a glimpse at the author's experiences in various places that most of us won't ever visit, either from lack of opportunity - Japan, let's say - or simply from plain common sense (Nigeria, anyone?) Also, by cutting to the chase and going from story to story, the audience remains involved and on its toes. Sure, some of the stories could have been stretched/padded, but maybe the result would have been a less engaging book.
June 23, 2013
This book has been in my to read list for a while but i cant remember why i added it. I think I heard a radio interview with the author but maybe the title just caught my attention.
This book is an easy read and mildly amusing. I'd recommend it more to men who don't read very often. Lots of fart and poop jokes and stories of getting drunk and into bar fights. Probably not my usual thing. My favorite part was the monkey who smoked a pack a day.
This memoir shares a lot about oil rigs and the cultures that the infiltrate. The author has visited so many countries and experiences them in a way that few others can. It's an often unthought of part of the oil industry when it's something we depends on so strongly.
This book is an easy read and mildly amusing. I'd recommend it more to men who don't read very often. Lots of fart and poop jokes and stories of getting drunk and into bar fights. Probably not my usual thing. My favorite part was the monkey who smoked a pack a day.
This memoir shares a lot about oil rigs and the cultures that the infiltrate. The author has visited so many countries and experiences them in a way that few others can. It's an often unthought of part of the oil industry when it's something we depends on so strongly.
July 15, 2016
I don't think I've read a book that's ever made me laugh, consistently, like this one did. I picked it up right before a trip and it was a quick and light read that set a nice mood after a couple months of constant serious/horror novels. I recommend this book where I work to everyone. It doesn't matter if you're someone who always likes reading mostly erotica, the bible, or bible erotica, this book is fair paced and will even pick up and brighten a dank atmosphere you may be occupying. Cant wait to find and read more of his books!
February 10, 2013
A view from the other side: we're all trying to kick the oil habit, what about those who actually work in the industry? Slice of life tales, practically transcribed in a pub. (Not that that's a bad thing.)
January 17, 2012
It's been a while since I laughed so hard that I rolled on the floor -literally- and cried from reading a book.
The best part of being around the world, in my opinion, is that you meet like a lot of freaking awesome people to a total a**holes out there. In case you haven't realise it, ignorant fools existed in every society.
What I noticed about Pauli, like when he shared the 'mischiefs' of some Saturation divers did when they're bored during a job in Brunei -getting drunk, sneaking into the Mosque near the housing, exchanged the tape of the recorded Koran, sneaking out and changed all the padlocks with their own- he (Pauli not the divers) wasn't do it because he agrees with their conducts. He's simply telling that things like these happened.
With all respect to the muslim, I wonder what it would like to hear Johnny Cash's Burnin' Ring of Fire wailed from a mosque at 5 a.m. call to pray :D
****
Buku perjalanan/petualangan yang lucu. Membacanya cukup membuat tertawa terbahak-bahak walau di satu sisi sering juga merasa beberapa bagian sepertinya tidak perlu disertakan dalam buku ini.
Kritik terbesar Pauli ditujukan kepada ketamakan orang-orang 'besar' yang duduk di meja besar mereka, di ruangan berpendingin dan mewah, yang mungkin belum dan tidak pernah sama sekali berkunjung ke lokasi pengeboran, dan dengan seenaknya memutuskan logistik yang dibutuhkan para awak di lapangan.
The best part of being around the world, in my opinion, is that you meet like a lot of freaking awesome people to a total a**holes out there. In case you haven't realise it, ignorant fools existed in every society.
What I noticed about Pauli, like when he shared the 'mischiefs' of some Saturation divers did when they're bored during a job in Brunei -getting drunk, sneaking into the Mosque near the housing, exchanged the tape of the recorded Koran, sneaking out and changed all the padlocks with their own- he (Pauli not the divers) wasn't do it because he agrees with their conducts. He's simply telling that things like these happened.
With all respect to the muslim, I wonder what it would like to hear Johnny Cash's Burnin' Ring of Fire wailed from a mosque at 5 a.m. call to pray :D
****
Buku perjalanan/petualangan yang lucu. Membacanya cukup membuat tertawa terbahak-bahak walau di satu sisi sering juga merasa beberapa bagian sepertinya tidak perlu disertakan dalam buku ini.
Kritik terbesar Pauli ditujukan kepada ketamakan orang-orang 'besar' yang duduk di meja besar mereka, di ruangan berpendingin dan mewah, yang mungkin belum dan tidak pernah sama sekali berkunjung ke lokasi pengeboran, dan dengan seenaknya memutuskan logistik yang dibutuhkan para awak di lapangan.
November 26, 2012
Don’t Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs, She Thinks I’m a Piano Player in a Whorehouse (2006) by Paul Carter is a book that is like listening to someone who has some great stories at a bar. Carter’s experiences as an oil driller all over the world are really something.
The world of drilling is highly paid dangerous work that is carried out all over the world. The drillers live an intense life. Alcohol abuse is rampant. Relationships are destroyed by constantly being away from home.
The book is something most people would find funny. But the humour will offend some. There is quite a lot of interest in the tales as well. The number of oilmen who are Freemasons is surprising.
The book is a very quick read and will provide most people with a few entertaining hours.
The world of drilling is highly paid dangerous work that is carried out all over the world. The drillers live an intense life. Alcohol abuse is rampant. Relationships are destroyed by constantly being away from home.
The book is something most people would find funny. But the humour will offend some. There is quite a lot of interest in the tales as well. The number of oilmen who are Freemasons is surprising.
The book is a very quick read and will provide most people with a few entertaining hours.
This entire review has been hidden because of spoilers.
February 25, 2015
Ok, so here's the thing: I grew up in Aberdeen. My dad worked for BP. Many of my friends' dads also worked offshore. Many of those friends work offshore now. And I have heard some of these stories before. Quite a few of them are regularly repeated offshore versions of urban legends. So, either Paul Carter is some kind of mythical source for offshore legends, or he's a little prone to exaggeration. Don't Tell Mum I Work on the Rigs... is still an entertaining read and it will kill a few hours on an airplane (or a toilet). I definitely giggled at least twice. Just remember to take everything with a fairly large pinch of salt.
January 14, 2021
Entertaining stories about the oil industry from the perspective of a jackup rig worker, including Brunei, Nigeria, Russia, SEA, PNG and the North Sea. Quick read, and good explanation of day-rate freelancing and the centrality of Loyang Offshore Supply Base in Singapore to the start of oil contractors journey. His stints writing bad copy for an ad agency and studying marketing at UTS are reminiscent of Les Norton's efforts for Bowen Lager. Let down by a lack of self-reflection and needless cruelty to animals, particularly monkeys, chimps, etc. Will read the second regardless.
March 25, 2014
"Guns are as common a sight in Nigeria as mobile phones are in Los Angeles. In this respect the Nigerians put even the Americans to shame— but, no wait, guns don't kill people, people kill people right? Oscar de driva always had his mobile phone and his gun on him. I thought Nokia should develop a camera/gun, or a phone/gun, or even a gun/phone/camera. There would be massive sales in west Africa."
February 21, 2017
Rated three stars because there are some truly great stories in here. Despite those vivid and/or horrifying moments, was actually not that interesting. If Paul carter had written a book about the oil industry and the people who work there instead of an autobiography, I think this would have been killer. His life stories actually seemed to get in the way - except for that awful one about his friend Craig which I will never in my whole life forget. Was dry retching along the m4 listening to it.
March 10, 2020
Absolutely hilarious!
So many moments throughout that were truly scary, gruesome, funny, and sad.
I couldn't get enough of this book!!!
So many moments throughout that were truly scary, gruesome, funny, and sad.
I couldn't get enough of this book!!!
February 17, 2015
Got a solid laugh out of this one. Alcohol and danger-fuelled mayhem is one way to describe it.
July 1, 2021
Paul Carter’s book is a travelogue cum memoir of his days in the oil drilling industry … it might sound adventurous working in different parts of the world at the call of work but it does carry with it a lot if unknown and new challenges… every time a new workplace , new colleagues, new environment, the natives and their social norms ,even the new varieties of food… can be scary at times!!
The author has narrated many I-almost-lost -ma-life kind of incidents with such wit and humour that you are left wondering if it was supposed to be a true life situation.
A mouthful from Australia, Nigeria,Vietnam, China , Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia and many more… leaves you urging for more..
I enjoyed reading this unusual title …
The author has narrated many I-almost-lost -ma-life kind of incidents with such wit and humour that you are left wondering if it was supposed to be a true life situation.
A mouthful from Australia, Nigeria,Vietnam, China , Hong Kong, Saudi Arabia and many more… leaves you urging for more..
I enjoyed reading this unusual title …
February 2, 2021
This is a very funny, disturbing, riveting, thought provoking read. I thoroughly enjoy these sorts of autobiographies, where people live such extraordinary and mostly unbelievable lives. I found I did like Paul’s fast paced writing style as well, however did find he glossed over a lot of details that seemed to be more personal for him (i.e. anything to do with his relationship with his family). I was left with lots of questions, and did feel the gaps in the story did deter from my overall enjoyment.
⭐️⭐️⭐️/5; the juggernaut of Paul’s stories is real! I’d definitely recommend for those looking to go on a bit of an unbelievable thrill ride. Just don’t go into this book looking for too much depth. His stories seem mostly “tip of the iceberg”
⭐️⭐️⭐️/5; the juggernaut of Paul’s stories is real! I’d definitely recommend for those looking to go on a bit of an unbelievable thrill ride. Just don’t go into this book looking for too much depth. His stories seem mostly “tip of the iceberg”
November 24, 2017
An entertaining read - I laughed out loud in parts. Paul Carter tells a great story and he's had some crazy adventures ... so if that is your kind of read, go for it. I can only read material like this when I need a mental break or cheering up. Ninety per cent of the time I'm looking for a more challenging read. No offence to Paul.
A note on the Bolinda Audio Book version: Paul Carter is an excellent narrator of his own material and his accents are impressive. When he's finished working on oil rigs in exotic and dangerous locations, he could easily move on to a career in stand up comedy.
A note on the Bolinda Audio Book version: Paul Carter is an excellent narrator of his own material and his accents are impressive. When he's finished working on oil rigs in exotic and dangerous locations, he could easily move on to a career in stand up comedy.
March 22, 2020
An interesting biographical collection of yarns and wild stories from a very eventful life working on oil rigs. I just realised that I don't recall a story inside that actually links to the title of this book... there is a funny inscription inside this second hand copy that links to the title though!
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