Shame On You

by Clara Salaman

Caroline Stern is just like any London teenager. Except that she lives in a religious sect.As a child of 'The Organization' her every move - from what she eats to when she talks and whom she'll marry - is dictated by her elders. But as Caroline's free-thinking ways bring her into conflict with terrifying Miss Fowler and brutal punishments push her to breaking point, she acts on a terrible impulse and exacts a horrifying revenge. Twenty years later Caroline is living with her lover, Joe. He knows her as Lorrie and is unaware of the troubled childhood she's left behind. Until an old friend reappears and Caroline discovers that the past isn't so easily buried ...

Genres: Fiction

324 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 1, 2009

About the author

Clara Salaman is a novelist, screenwriter and actress. She is best known for her role as DS Clare Stanton in The Bill, for which she was nominated for Best Actress at the National Television Awards.

She was born in North London and raised in a cult.

Reviews

[Daphne Dresselaers · Rating 4 out of 5]

So, this book turned out to be a lot better than I thought it'd be.
When I bought it 2 years ago I was immediately interested. Girl grows up in a really religious cult, some messed up stuff happened and now the past is catching up to her. Even better that there were switching POV's from her childhood and her adult life.
I love these kind of books, I really do. What made it even better was that 1. I found it really realistic and believable and 2. It turned out that Caroline was quite a bit of an unreliable narrator (AND THOSE ARE MY FAVORITE KIND OF BOOKS)

It got kind of confusing towards the ending when we start to realize she's getting a bit messed up mentally and you don't know what's real anymore but I was glad the explanation followed soon.
The only thing that kept me from giving it 5 stars is that I expected some things to be a bit more extreme. I guess that's also something that Caroline realizes towards the ending. The book begins with her having a nightmare about a suicide dinner so I was all like 'okay yeah this is going to be interesting' , but the extremely religious cult turned out to be just that. Really religious and strict, but not to the point where it became terrifying. Yeah, some messed up stuff happened to Caroline and when they declare you as the personification of the devil that won't exactly give you a happy childhood, but I was glad to see that even Caroline realized towards the ending that she was one of the only girls that suffered quite that much. She was shocked to hear that her friends would sent their children there (and I was shocked as well) but it turned out that, well things had definitely gotten better and less strict, but also that the Organization hadn't been so traumatizing for any of her friends. Yeah there was the girl who killed herself because she forced into marriage and all but the general idea of the school definitely wasn't as shocking as what I was expecting and it took me a while to realize that Caroline was actually just a bit biased and we only got her point of view. She made it sound like the things in her past were horrible and that her school was some kind of horror place but really, it was just a very strict school with weird religious beliefs and Caroline happened to get into a lot of trouble because she was hated by her principle. I don't think any of those other girls would describe their past as traumatic or 'bad stuff happened'.

So yeah, I love books with unreliable narrators so I made a good choice 2 years ago

[Tasha · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book is very special to me.
I bought this book when I went to an Oxfam in Sheffield.
Seeing the struggles and hurt and difficulties that Carline faced was a great journey.
I really hoped the author would give us an ending to this but then again, since it's an open ending, it allows us to give it an ending that we hope for. Love this book, true love never dies.

I've seen comments saying that the timeline is messy and hard to follow but isn't that the life that Caroline is living? Confusion and more confusion. I believe everyone have flashbacks all the time and I am sure those flashbacks just comes back to you because something triggered it. IT DOES NOT HAVE A PATTERN!

I didn't know about this author until I realised I didn't put this book into my read list and came to goodreads to put it. The author had similar experience as I see, so this just add another layer to this book. The depth of confusion and struggles is shown in her work. I hope she is fine now and living happily with the life she choose.

[Jo · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book had EVERYTHING! Let's just say I found it emotionally and thrillingly real. Clara Salaman do write some more, please? Just brilliant and impossible to put down. A bit confronting at times. Loved the Greek mythology references and the shades of Macbeth. Perfect!

[Lee Osborne · Rating 3 out of 5]

One of those books discovered totally at random. I was always a big fan of The Bill, and I was watching a repeat of one of Clara Salaman's big dramatic storylines recently - out of idle curiosity I Googled her to see what she'd been up to since the series ended. I came across a newspaper interview about her upbringing in a new religious organisation, and how she'd written a novel based on her experience...so I gave it a go.

The main character is 38 years old, and gradually through a series of flashbacks she tells the story of her traumatic days at school, where a rather sadistic and bullying headteacher makes her life a misery. Eventually, she gets revenge, runs away, and cuts off all contact with members of the group, rebuilding her life with a new identity. Running into an old schoolfriend, she has to explain her past to her boyfriend, and confront some of the things that happened.

I found the book quite a gripping read, especially the accounts of what happened in the school, but both the quality of the writing and aspects of the plot were bit of a mixed bag. I thought it jumped around chronologically too much, some elements of the plot were a bit predictable, and some of the characters weren't hugely convincing. Also, I'm not convinced that you can get through 25 years of modern life without a birth certificate and passport, using someone else's name. Given the amount of ID checks we face for just about everything, I'm not buying that. Not convinced too much by the ending either, but there was quite a lot to enjoy in this, especially that experiences aren't universally shared - I felt my own schooldays were very damaging and as a result my opinion of my school is extremely negative, but there were plenty of people who loved the place, hard as that might be to understand.

Not the greatest novel in the world but certainly worth reading if you come across it.

[Ina · Rating 3 out of 5]

Clara Salaman heeft zelf ook in een soort sekte gezeten en dat was de aanleiding om dit boek te schrijven. Het verhaal van Caroline Stern wordt afwisselend in het heden en het verleden vertelt.Het einde vond ik wel ineens afgebroken. Dan stelde ik mij wel de vraag van: Awel? Degenen die het boek gelezen hebben zullen wel begrijpen wat ik bedoel met mijn awel.

[Emma Curtis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I came to Shame On You after reading the brilliant Too Close, a novel by the same author under a different name. This was written a decade before but is equally good. It tells the story of a woman negotiating her relationship as an adult after spending her childhood in a cult. It's very well told, very moving and utterly unputdownable. Highly recommend. The author writes the child's chapters as well as she writes the adult's.

[Willeke · Rating 5 out of 5]

Prachtig boek!!!! ik kon niet meer stoppen met lezen. Sandra dankjewel dat ik dit boek van je mag lenen!

[Sasha Wolf · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is her first book and, although billed as a novel, is a semi-autobiographical account of growing up in an abusive spiritual organisation. She does not name the organisation either in the book or in interviews she has given about its basis in reality, citing legal reasons, and for that reason I am not identifying it in my tags. It is not difficult to find out which one it is (and indeed I gather it is immediately obvious if you have connections with the organisation or knew the relevant part of London well in the late 1970s), but it is not necessary to know in order to appreciate the book. The organisation seems to be based on an unholy blend of half-understood Hinduism and Western esotericism, but Salaman's story is strikingly similar to first-person accounts I've read of the worst of pre-Vatican II Catholic education. What I think it does better than most similar accounts I've read is to show the long-lasting effects of such a childhood in adult life.

[Johan D'Haenen · Rating 4 out of 5]

"... living proof that everything ultimately collapses under too much pressure."
Ik ben tot dit werk gekomen door het zien van de serie "Too Close" van Natalie Daniels aka Carla Salaman.
Voor mij is dit een indrukwekkende psychologische roman over wat een kind kan aangedaan worden door een totaal onverantwoorde tirannieke opvoeding binnen een religieuze sekte die geleid wordt door een zogenaamd almachtige guru. En het blijft niet bij de kinderjaren, neen, de gevolgen zijn uiteraard ook merkbaar voor het ganse leven van de betrokken persoon.
Wat mij betreft, had Carla Salaman het verhaal nog mogen uitdiepen, ook al zou dat het werk langer gemaakt hebben. Nu blijven er hier en daar wat "loose ends" die gerust mochten uitgewerkt worden.
Maar dit doet zeker niets af aan de waarde van het werk zoals het nu is.

[Tara Duly · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this read. I wish the chapters would have been shorter, but enjoyed flipping between the past and the present.

I liked following the journey of the main character in dealing with her past and the consequences of her decisions. It showed that trauma follows you and you can't just "get over" the past.

I love books that feature cults and this one is no exception. Found out that the author went through something similar, which made it even more interesting. Overall good and enjoyable read.

[~Emmy~ REYN · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowzers. So many parallel lines in Mental Health and Psychology.
Thought Processes and "Black Hole Wisdom".
The irony of being so lost you may aswell be broken - and being so okay and happy and content its refreshing to experience personal pain and mental suffering from the perspective of others.

What are helpful self help strategies. Like learning in trial and error - what works and what doesnt - This book offers advice as if from a friend guiding you to a solid path. A stable path.
Definitely a heavy read. Sad. Eye Opening. Rewarding. Gratifying.

[ᵇᵉᶰ♪⋆*｡ · Rating 4 out of 5]

truly enjoyed it, a little messed up, but it's in theme with the madness that Caroline's upbringing is. though the book wasn't long, the characters had depth and were quite balanced.
i love Lorrie's resolution to stick to her boundaries and only keep interacting with the people she felt safe with. it was nice to see Joe in the end, but god, that man truly deserves better...
fùck Mr. Steinberg, damn creep.

[Fränze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Ein absolut schockierendes Buch über das Leben einer jungen Frau, die ihre gesamte Kindheit in einer tiefreligiösen "Organisation" verbrachte und bis heute unter den Folgen zu leiden hat.
Sehr empfehlenswert.

[Emma McDonnell · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing read

Brilliant I could not out this down hope there is a follow up book? Such a good read I was fixed from the first chapter

[Lynette · Rating 4 out of 5]

Unusual, but enjoyable. Don't like endings that are up in the air though!!!

[Belle · Rating 4 out of 5]

Worthwhile debut novel based on the author's real life experiences of living in a religious sect. The protagonist, Caroline, grows up in a sinister London cult known as "The Organisation" (heavily based on a real cult - most interviews with the author state that Salaman cannot name it for legal reasons, but some sites selling the book online have been careless.) Caroline contends with her loveless home life and the bullying she endures from the fearsome headmistress of her school, finally being driven to a shocking revenge which forces Caroline to run away from home. The novel intersects between her memories of the past, and the present as her days in The Organisation begin to catch up with her. On the whole I find Caroline unlikeable; her swagger and loose morals would be equally suited to a "chick lit" tome, but she is shaped by her unorthodox childhood as well as her own choices, and the "voice" the author gives her was endearing enough to keep me reading through the book. I did however get the distinct impression that the moral of the story is supposed to be "the past can't be escaped from, don't try," which I strongly disagree with and it somehow soured the book for me.

[ReaderSP · Rating 4 out of 5]

This story follows the life of Caroline through her school and adult years. Caroline attends a very strict `cult' school in London, where music, laughter, fun, denim, cutting your hair and flowers are banned (among other things). Caroline is victimised and bullied at school by her Headmistress. This story shows her as an adult trying to deal with her childhood. She changed her name and never spoke about what happened at school, until she bumps into an old friend...
This is a very emotional read and at times it is very hard to read. The cruel treatment of Caroline is very real and heartfelt. It is really interesting to think how Caroline's childhood had depicted the person she has turned out to be. I felt that the middle of the book lost pace a bit but soon picked up again. Overall, a really interesting but horrifying story

[Fadenchaos · Rating 5 out of 5]

Das Cover des Buches hat mich neugierig gemacht. Welches Schicksal ist mit dem Kind auf dem Cover verbunden? Die Autorin ist selbst in solch einer strengen Londoner Glaubensgemeinschaft aufgewachsen und versucht mit diesem Roman ihre eigene Vergangenheit aufzuarbeiten.

Von der ersten Seite an ist man schockiert welche grausame Macht die Erwachsenen über die Kinder ausüben, indem es kaum ein entrinnen gibt und alles unter dem Deckmantel des Glaubens. Durch das erzählerische Wechselspiel der Gegenwart und der Vergangenheit, wird dem Leser aufgezeigt welche weitreichende Konsequenzen solch eine Erziehung bis ins Erwachsenenalter hat.

Mich hat dieses Buch sehr berührt und auch nach der letzten Seite hat man noch ein beklemmendes Gefühl und kann sich den Gedanken darüber nicht entziehen.

[Kim · Rating 4 out of 5]

I absolutely loved this book. I was gripped by the first part and only a bit less so when she met the cult members again in Cornwall. I read it avidly. It seems that the books that affect us often do so because they resonate with our past experiences. It reminded me of being at boarding school. I loved the part where she visits her mother and sees the cult leader again. I recalled being so shocked when I'd met my tormentor, the school's headmistress, 8 years later and she hadn't remembered me. It was a relief in one way, but in another I was amazed that I meant nothing to someone who had so dominated my life .

[Imke Stevens · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really love this book. One time I had to wait for my train at 's Hertogenbosch central station and I went into the bookstore. I grabbed this book and read a bit. I had to go and never found this book again until I came across it during a bookfair in Eindhoven.
I bought it and put it away until I was ready to read it.
It sounds weird but there are books which you know you can't just read take it up and read it, you have to be ready to take it in. Now I was and I loved it.
I have only just finished reading it and it's still sort of floating around in my head. It's not going to leave me easily, but then it wasn't supposed to. It is a really good book, but not for everyone.

[Huda Fel · Rating 1 out of 5]

Caroline, attended a school, a special school where everything was related to a “religion”. Not one religion! but A FULL MIXED UP religion.
She was really having a hard time
something happened and she decided to run away....
Now after 20 years or so, her current life was based on a big lie that she could not stand living with.

Honestly, this book was picked in a blink!
I knew nothing about the author, read nothing about the book.
I was attracted by the title and was in a NEED to read!
I don't think I would recommend it to any1, yet I wont mind giving it away.

[Juliajuliah · Rating 4 out of 5]

“Shame On You” by Clara Salaman looks at being on the inside. This story is about Caroline Stern, a teenager living in London. Like many teenagers, Caroline argues with her parents, hates school and longs to fit in. Unlike most teenagers, Caroline lives in a sect. Her parents are part of the sect and her school is run by the sect. Caroline’s struggles and her yearning to be “normal” eventually lead her away, but the sect catches up with her in adulthood.

[Cleopatra Pullen · Rating 2 out of 5]

I had high hopes for this book after reading reviews on amazon but ultimately the book did not live up to them from my perspective.

I didn't really care about the main character as she, like the others in the book was two-dimensional and often cliched.

As the book went on the inconcistancies multiplied which meant when I finished I had to return to the site to check it really was based on reality.

[Tracey]

So far this is really good. Easy to read and unputdownable - keeping me up late at night. Finished and enjoyed.

[Lee · Rating 1 out of 5]

Absolute rubbish. Not sure why I bothered. Have tossed the book into the recycling bin.

[Rachel · Rating 2 out of 5]

Bit of a mess really. Nothing good to say.

[Trina Hollis · Rating 2 out of 5]

This was a good idea but told very messily was a bit disappointed.

[Jules · Rating 3 out of 5]

This was quite a good read.

[Alex Field · Rating 2 out of 5]

http://sophiawhitfield.blogspot.com/2...

[Sandra de koning-vd pol · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dit boek heb ik in Deventer op de kop getikt en in één ruk uitgelezen. Het is hartverscheurend, indrukwekkend en bijzonder goed geschreven. Het neemt je mee naar alles. Blij mee!