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Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman's Heart
Christian women don't have to choose between being sexual and spiritual. They have legitimate longings that the Church has been afraid to talk about, and books like Fifty Shades of Grey exploit. Whether you are single or married, sexually dead or just looking to revive your sex life, Pulling Back the Shades will address your desire to be both sexual AND spiritual. With solid Biblical teaching and transparent stories, trusted authors Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery, offer an unflinching look at the most personal questions women ask. The book offers practical advice for women to address five core longings:
to be cherished by a man
to be protected by a strong man
to rescue a man
to be sexually alive
to escape reality
God designed women with these longings and has a plan to satisfy them. It's time for women to identify their intimate longings and God-honoring ways to fulfill them.
to be cherished by a man
to be protected by a strong man
to rescue a man
to be sexually alive
to escape reality
God designed women with these longings and has a plan to satisfy them. It's time for women to identify their intimate longings and God-honoring ways to fulfill them.
176 pages, Paperback
First published March 1, 2014
59 people are currently reading
793 people want to read
About the author
Dannah Gresh
95 books188 followersDannah Gresh, a mother/daughter communication coach, has sold well over three quarters of a million copies of her books—including And the Bride Wore White and 2008's best-selling CBA youth book, Lies Young Women Believe (coauthored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss)—making her one of the most successful Christian authors targeting teens and preteens. With the belief that today's culture has been seeking to rob little girls of their innocence, Dannah has been fighting on the front lines to protect them. Her fun line of Secret Keeper Girl mom/preteen daughter connecting resources and live events that tour the country provide moms with just the right tools to fight back. She has long been at the forefront of the movement to encourage both tweens and teens to pursue purity and is often called upon to defend the conservative position of abstinence in national news media like USA Today, Time, Chicago Tribune, and Women's Wear Daily. She is also a frequent contributor to FamilyLife Today, Midday Connection, and Focus on the Family. Dannah lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Bob, and their children, Robby, Lexi, and Autumn, whom the family adopted from China in 2007. She and her husband founded Grace Prep, a new model in Christian high school education, which Bob administrates. She is shamelessly in love with her labradoodle, Stormie. (DannahGresh.com)
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March 12, 2014
I admit, I did not read the Fifty Shades Series. I do not struggle with the pull of erotica. In most ways, this book really does not even apply to me. (The exception is that I'm a biblical counseling student and this book is an excellent resource for future reference.) Of all people, why would I be reviewing this book? Put simply, I believe in it's cause. This book is not just for married women. It is written to all women. We all have longings and this book addresses what some of us do with those longings and the dangers of those actions. This book also addresses the lies that our culture has led us to believe.
"This book is not ultimately about the Fifty Shades series or even about erotica. This book is about the spiritual battle for the hearts and souls of women." - Pulling Back the Shades (p. 146)
Those two sentences there hit the nail on the head for me as I read through Pulling Back the Shades.
In preparation for writing this response, Juli, with much covering of prayer read Fifty Shades and this is what she had to say about it:
"As mentioned earlier, I read all three of the books in the Fifty Shades series. The explicit scenes bothered me, but what haunted me even more was the seemingly intentional agenda to drag God and His holiness into the sewer. Most people who read these books seem to be so mesmerized by the sexuality that they appear to walk right past what I perceive as an even greater danger and offense: spiritual darkness. (p. 46)"
Although the book itself is a quick read, it is very deep and well-addresses from a biblical standpoint, sexuality and spirituality - you don't have to choose between them. You were made for both. I found even with such a sensitive topic the book was easy to read, written in a "friends-talk-over-coffee" manner.
I believe that there is a greater attack on marriage and intimacy today than ever before. This truly is a spiritual battle and Pulling Back the Shades is waging war on the Enemy who is doing all he can to break down and distort the image that is a portrayal of the Bride and Christ.
This book is for those who struggle and for those who want to understand the struggle, and for those who want to help those who struggle.
Rise up, women! It is time to take back the true image of marriage, intimacy, and purity that our generation has been robbed of.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things." Philippians 4:8 NIV
"This book is not ultimately about the Fifty Shades series or even about erotica. This book is about the spiritual battle for the hearts and souls of women." - Pulling Back the Shades (p. 146)
Those two sentences there hit the nail on the head for me as I read through Pulling Back the Shades.
In preparation for writing this response, Juli, with much covering of prayer read Fifty Shades and this is what she had to say about it:
"As mentioned earlier, I read all three of the books in the Fifty Shades series. The explicit scenes bothered me, but what haunted me even more was the seemingly intentional agenda to drag God and His holiness into the sewer. Most people who read these books seem to be so mesmerized by the sexuality that they appear to walk right past what I perceive as an even greater danger and offense: spiritual darkness. (p. 46)"
Although the book itself is a quick read, it is very deep and well-addresses from a biblical standpoint, sexuality and spirituality - you don't have to choose between them. You were made for both. I found even with such a sensitive topic the book was easy to read, written in a "friends-talk-over-coffee" manner.
I believe that there is a greater attack on marriage and intimacy today than ever before. This truly is a spiritual battle and Pulling Back the Shades is waging war on the Enemy who is doing all he can to break down and distort the image that is a portrayal of the Bride and Christ.
This book is for those who struggle and for those who want to understand the struggle, and for those who want to help those who struggle.
Rise up, women! It is time to take back the true image of marriage, intimacy, and purity that our generation has been robbed of.
"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable -- if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-- think about such things." Philippians 4:8 NIV
July 19, 2016
The authors indicate that this book is for single and married women alike. As I am single, I decided to read it and really wanted to like it. The book is informative, and I felt the authors adequately made a case for why women shouldn't read erotica, view porn, etc.
However, I felt the book was lacking in a practical conclusion. As a Christian, I'm already fully aware of things I shouldn't be doing - what I want are practical, biblical examples of what I should do. Throughout the book, the authors state that women can be sexy and spiritual. They express their frustration with Christian singles being told that they have to repress their sexuality, and state that this mindset often follows a person into marriage, negatively affecting their sex life. I understand all of that, and agree to an extent.
However, the "practical" content consists of one (very short) appendix titled, "What Do I Do with My Struggle?". One suggestion for singles is "If... the longing for physical touch is a trigger, schedule a regular massage." This is the closest they get to addressing the sexual longings of single women. And frankly, as a single woman myself, I don't believe getting a massage regularly is going to somehow help me overcome temptations to sin sexually. The other suggestions have nothing to do with sex, and include hosting dinner parties and learning new things, like tennis or oil painting. Really? I got the distinct impression that married women can be sexy and spiritual, but single women can only be spiritual, as all the "outlets" that truly involved being sexy were for married women. So then how could a single truly avoid sexual temptation without repressing their sexuality, at least to an extent? Ultimately, God created sex for the confines of marriage, and so if a person isn't married, that leaves sex out of the equation.
I did give it two stars because as I indicated earlier, I thought their argument on why not to read erotica was well-stated.
Edit 10/16/14 - This article offers a great Christian perspective on sex and singleness: www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/se...
Edit 2/10/16 - Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must Be Reinvented in Today's Church is a much better book for singles and does a better job of explaining how it's possible to embrace your sexuality without committing sexual acts.
I received this book free through Goodreads First Reads.
However, I felt the book was lacking in a practical conclusion. As a Christian, I'm already fully aware of things I shouldn't be doing - what I want are practical, biblical examples of what I should do. Throughout the book, the authors state that women can be sexy and spiritual. They express their frustration with Christian singles being told that they have to repress their sexuality, and state that this mindset often follows a person into marriage, negatively affecting their sex life. I understand all of that, and agree to an extent.
However, the "practical" content consists of one (very short) appendix titled, "What Do I Do with My Struggle?". One suggestion for singles is "If... the longing for physical touch is a trigger, schedule a regular massage." This is the closest they get to addressing the sexual longings of single women. And frankly, as a single woman myself, I don't believe getting a massage regularly is going to somehow help me overcome temptations to sin sexually. The other suggestions have nothing to do with sex, and include hosting dinner parties and learning new things, like tennis or oil painting. Really? I got the distinct impression that married women can be sexy and spiritual, but single women can only be spiritual, as all the "outlets" that truly involved being sexy were for married women. So then how could a single truly avoid sexual temptation without repressing their sexuality, at least to an extent? Ultimately, God created sex for the confines of marriage, and so if a person isn't married, that leaves sex out of the equation.
I did give it two stars because as I indicated earlier, I thought their argument on why not to read erotica was well-stated.
Edit 10/16/14 - This article offers a great Christian perspective on sex and singleness: www.thegospelcoalition.org/article/se...
Edit 2/10/16 - Singled Out: Why Celibacy Must Be Reinvented in Today's Church is a much better book for singles and does a better job of explaining how it's possible to embrace your sexuality without committing sexual acts.
I received this book free through Goodreads First Reads.
March 1, 2014
Dannah and Juli have put together a book that addresses 'mommy porn' head on. It's not surprising that they have spoken out against this genre. But what is surprising is the way in which they go about it. Instead of shaming women by telling them they are terrible for reading these types of books they go to the root of why we as women are interested in these books.
They have broken our needs as a fulfilled woman into five different areas and then speak to each area. Through the use of a dialogue style filled with personal stories they 'pull back the shades' and reveal the deeper threat to ourselves and our marriages.
The beautiful thing about this book is that it is filled with hope. We don't have to decide if we want to be spiritual or sexual. In fact we were created to be both. (Ever read Song of Solomon?!!) If you want to experience a rejuvenation in your intimate life, pick this book up. It will provide you with tools to use to revamp how you think about sexual intimacy.
I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review.
They have broken our needs as a fulfilled woman into five different areas and then speak to each area. Through the use of a dialogue style filled with personal stories they 'pull back the shades' and reveal the deeper threat to ourselves and our marriages.
The beautiful thing about this book is that it is filled with hope. We don't have to decide if we want to be spiritual or sexual. In fact we were created to be both. (Ever read Song of Solomon?!!) If you want to experience a rejuvenation in your intimate life, pick this book up. It will provide you with tools to use to revamp how you think about sexual intimacy.
I received a copy of this book to facilitate my review.
July 24, 2014
In 2011, E.L. James’ Fifty Shades of Grey made quite a stir. It’s not as if “mommy porn” and deviant sexual practices are anything new. It’s that much of the public would rather keep them out of sight and pretend they don’t exist. However, James’ book pushed this somewhat underground form of erotica out into mainstream, forcing us to take notice. With the publication of two sequels and the long-awaited movie release scheduled for 2015, the timing seemed right for a Christian voice in this growing discussion about women’s sexuality. Moody Publishers – experienced, well-known, and well-respected – took the challenge, and Pure Freedom’s Dannah Gresh and Authentic Intimacy’s Juli Slattery came out with Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy, and the Longings of a Woman's Heart (2014). I purchased the book with great anticipation and finished reading it a bit disappointed.
What Christians want to believe is that, under God, things really are “black and white” (meaning that there is a clear “right” and a clear “wrong”) and not in “shades of grey” (situational ethics). Few want to go as far as Bill Gothard, applying it to your choice in carpet color, but a decided majority will try to apply it to sexual activity – pornography, erotica, oral sex, French kissing, or what have you. It would be nice to get some detailed feedback on exactly how God expects us to behave in the bedroom, but we have general principles, not specifics.
I appreciated Gresh and Slattery’s efforts to try to clear up some of the “fuzziness.” It’s necessary so that Christian women can feel guilt-free about their God-given sexuality. While a few times they resort to the “slippery-slope” fallacy, the authors are generally honest about how much personal preference and other factors come into play, which would cause many readers to rest easy. They even admit to disagreeing with each other about some practices (e.g., masturbation). But they are adamantly against erotica like Fifty Shades, and seek out to build a case that matches their guilty verdict. They hit a brick wall a number of times, but I’d like to point out some obvious problems.
Much of their argument lays on the assumption that there’s a problem with reading about (or observing, in the case of pornography) other people’s sexual activities. This is backed up scripturally with a discussion about keeping sex between a married man and woman, anything else being adultery, fornication, etc. The problem is that the book then sends mixed messages about the appropriateness of erotic literature. Okay, we’ll assume it’s damaging to read, and get excited over, descriptions of others having sex. So why tell us about all of the “steamy scenes” found in the Song of Solomon? (Worse yet, why then is that book even in the Bible?) And why share your own experiences? I really don’t want to read about the authors’ sexual escapades with their respective husbands, no matter how sanitized they are. At least fiction isn’t exploiting the real experiences of real people for the reader’s own pleasure!
There’s also a problem area revolving around “submission.” The authors go to great lengths to lend support to this cause. However, they’re so wrapped up in defending it, that they never clearly define how their view differs from the so-called “counterfeits” found in books like Fifty Shades. And more importantly, they never explain how this biblical concept would translate into bedroom activity, if at all. The implication is that, if you have a “manly” man who takes charge in the relationship, you won’t need erotica for sexual fulfillment. I’m still trying to follow that logic.
To sum it up, I’d be hard-pressed to recommend Pulling Back the Shades. The awkward tag-team approach and lack of solid content, betray it as a rush-to-publication project. The authors come across as naïve – Oh, my! Christian women are reading erotica??!!! – and devoid of empathy - We never read this stuff, so we can’t relate to your problem! Gresh flat out refused to read Fifty Shades, and Slattery only under duress. While some readers might admire the authors’ concerns to protect their own purity and marital relationships, I thought they came across as condescending, caring more about maintaining spotless reputations than actually being of help to their readers. I would’ve preferred to hear from someone drawing from her personal struggles than someone who feels it necessary to remind me that she’s unstained by erotica. While I’m grateful that Gresh and Slattery took the time to address these important issues, I can’t help but think that the book assignment could’ve been passed on to better hands.
What Christians want to believe is that, under God, things really are “black and white” (meaning that there is a clear “right” and a clear “wrong”) and not in “shades of grey” (situational ethics). Few want to go as far as Bill Gothard, applying it to your choice in carpet color, but a decided majority will try to apply it to sexual activity – pornography, erotica, oral sex, French kissing, or what have you. It would be nice to get some detailed feedback on exactly how God expects us to behave in the bedroom, but we have general principles, not specifics.
I appreciated Gresh and Slattery’s efforts to try to clear up some of the “fuzziness.” It’s necessary so that Christian women can feel guilt-free about their God-given sexuality. While a few times they resort to the “slippery-slope” fallacy, the authors are generally honest about how much personal preference and other factors come into play, which would cause many readers to rest easy. They even admit to disagreeing with each other about some practices (e.g., masturbation). But they are adamantly against erotica like Fifty Shades, and seek out to build a case that matches their guilty verdict. They hit a brick wall a number of times, but I’d like to point out some obvious problems.
Much of their argument lays on the assumption that there’s a problem with reading about (or observing, in the case of pornography) other people’s sexual activities. This is backed up scripturally with a discussion about keeping sex between a married man and woman, anything else being adultery, fornication, etc. The problem is that the book then sends mixed messages about the appropriateness of erotic literature. Okay, we’ll assume it’s damaging to read, and get excited over, descriptions of others having sex. So why tell us about all of the “steamy scenes” found in the Song of Solomon? (Worse yet, why then is that book even in the Bible?) And why share your own experiences? I really don’t want to read about the authors’ sexual escapades with their respective husbands, no matter how sanitized they are. At least fiction isn’t exploiting the real experiences of real people for the reader’s own pleasure!
There’s also a problem area revolving around “submission.” The authors go to great lengths to lend support to this cause. However, they’re so wrapped up in defending it, that they never clearly define how their view differs from the so-called “counterfeits” found in books like Fifty Shades. And more importantly, they never explain how this biblical concept would translate into bedroom activity, if at all. The implication is that, if you have a “manly” man who takes charge in the relationship, you won’t need erotica for sexual fulfillment. I’m still trying to follow that logic.
To sum it up, I’d be hard-pressed to recommend Pulling Back the Shades. The awkward tag-team approach and lack of solid content, betray it as a rush-to-publication project. The authors come across as naïve – Oh, my! Christian women are reading erotica??!!! – and devoid of empathy - We never read this stuff, so we can’t relate to your problem! Gresh flat out refused to read Fifty Shades, and Slattery only under duress. While some readers might admire the authors’ concerns to protect their own purity and marital relationships, I thought they came across as condescending, caring more about maintaining spotless reputations than actually being of help to their readers. I would’ve preferred to hear from someone drawing from her personal struggles than someone who feels it necessary to remind me that she’s unstained by erotica. While I’m grateful that Gresh and Slattery took the time to address these important issues, I can’t help but think that the book assignment could’ve been passed on to better hands.
April 16, 2014
I started this book review purely altruistically—to write a review that might help others who really need to read the book. I mean, after all, I have my own set of temptations and struggles, but erotica isn’t one of them. And my marriage of 11 years isn’t perfect by any means, but I’ve also read most of the relationship books recommended by Focus on the Family. What new, life changing information could this book have to offer?
Through the second chapter, my expectations were confirmed. But by the time I got to chapter 7, “The Spiritually Satisfied Woman”, I was convicted, challenged, inspired and refreshed.
Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah Gresh collaborate seamlessly in their new book, Pulling Back the Shades. Instead of blending their voices, they alternate, often switching authors in the middle of a chapter. Different fonts designate who is speaking. Neither woman dominates the book; both write from their expertise. Even though they admit they differ on a few issues and come from vastly different backgrounds, Dr. Slattery and Gresh present a powerful, united front on a sensitive subject that provokes many disagreements among believers, if we even have the courage to discuss it.
The first half of the book is devoted to explaining erotica. This includes the chemical effect that it has on the brain, the addictive nature, the conflicts about it within the church, a discussion of the ‘grey’ areas and a staunch stance against it based on the Word of God. Dr. Slattery and Gresh write graphically, borrowing short segments from the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, to make their points.
The authors’ opinion is uncompromising. To sum it up in a simple statement, without re-writing the book: God’s ideal for sex is unabashed, exciting, varied, exquisite intimacy within the bonds of marriage.
I mentioned that my heart began to resonate with the book beginning in chapter 7. This is where Dr. Slattery and Gresh delve into the incredible and unique intimacy that God wants to have with each of us.
Here, they debunk the myth that God promises every woman a “happily ever after”, fulfilling, intimate relationship with a man—even after marriage.
“I bet you’ve never heard a sermon on what God does not promise. This is unfortunate because it is quite dangerous to place your trust in things you falsely assume God has promised. Jesus said that He came that you may have life and have it abundantly. His promises are great and He is trustworthy in fulfilling each one. But His ways are not our ways, and He has not promised some of the things you may have assumed or hoped He has.”
I am in one of those marriage that doesn’t quite live up to all my expectations. It is easy to cry out, ��God, this isn’t what you intended for marriage! It’s not fair.” This leads to dissatisfaction and bitterness in the one relationship that should most closely mirror my relationship with Jesus.
But wait…if I have this relationship with Jesus, can I live without the “perfect” marriage?
The authors mention a quote by Dr. Larry Crabb, “God is all I need, but I don’t know Him well enough for Him to be all I have.”
This brought a twinge of conviction and a huge sigh of relief. I do not need to fret over whether my husband ever changes and becomes more affectionate, more intimate, more interested in sex. I must know God well enough that He is not only all I need, but all I have.
The book closes with numerous Scripture references and gentle guidance to help readers begin deepening their intimate relationship with Jesus. It even includes discussion questions, practical resources (other books and websites) as well as enumerated suggestions for practical application.
This book is applicable to all women in all relationships—even those who are single—and even those who don’t think they have a problem with erotica. The book covers all aspects of a woman’s relational needs and explains where fulfillment is found.
Through the second chapter, my expectations were confirmed. But by the time I got to chapter 7, “The Spiritually Satisfied Woman”, I was convicted, challenged, inspired and refreshed.
Dr. Juli Slattery and Dannah Gresh collaborate seamlessly in their new book, Pulling Back the Shades. Instead of blending their voices, they alternate, often switching authors in the middle of a chapter. Different fonts designate who is speaking. Neither woman dominates the book; both write from their expertise. Even though they admit they differ on a few issues and come from vastly different backgrounds, Dr. Slattery and Gresh present a powerful, united front on a sensitive subject that provokes many disagreements among believers, if we even have the courage to discuss it.
The first half of the book is devoted to explaining erotica. This includes the chemical effect that it has on the brain, the addictive nature, the conflicts about it within the church, a discussion of the ‘grey’ areas and a staunch stance against it based on the Word of God. Dr. Slattery and Gresh write graphically, borrowing short segments from the book, Fifty Shades of Grey, to make their points.
The authors’ opinion is uncompromising. To sum it up in a simple statement, without re-writing the book: God’s ideal for sex is unabashed, exciting, varied, exquisite intimacy within the bonds of marriage.
I mentioned that my heart began to resonate with the book beginning in chapter 7. This is where Dr. Slattery and Gresh delve into the incredible and unique intimacy that God wants to have with each of us.
Here, they debunk the myth that God promises every woman a “happily ever after”, fulfilling, intimate relationship with a man—even after marriage.
“I bet you’ve never heard a sermon on what God does not promise. This is unfortunate because it is quite dangerous to place your trust in things you falsely assume God has promised. Jesus said that He came that you may have life and have it abundantly. His promises are great and He is trustworthy in fulfilling each one. But His ways are not our ways, and He has not promised some of the things you may have assumed or hoped He has.”
I am in one of those marriage that doesn’t quite live up to all my expectations. It is easy to cry out, ��God, this isn’t what you intended for marriage! It’s not fair.” This leads to dissatisfaction and bitterness in the one relationship that should most closely mirror my relationship with Jesus.
But wait…if I have this relationship with Jesus, can I live without the “perfect” marriage?
The authors mention a quote by Dr. Larry Crabb, “God is all I need, but I don’t know Him well enough for Him to be all I have.”
This brought a twinge of conviction and a huge sigh of relief. I do not need to fret over whether my husband ever changes and becomes more affectionate, more intimate, more interested in sex. I must know God well enough that He is not only all I need, but all I have.
The book closes with numerous Scripture references and gentle guidance to help readers begin deepening their intimate relationship with Jesus. It even includes discussion questions, practical resources (other books and websites) as well as enumerated suggestions for practical application.
This book is applicable to all women in all relationships—even those who are single—and even those who don’t think they have a problem with erotica. The book covers all aspects of a woman’s relational needs and explains where fulfillment is found.
April 12, 2014
I begin this review with the preface that I have not read the Fifty Shades of Grey books. I prefer my fiction clean; without gutter language and explicit bedroom scenes. Therefore Pulling Back the Shades is a book I never thought I would be reading! The reason I agreed to review a non-fiction book addressing such a controversial issue was my deep respect, both personally and professionally, for Dr Juli Slattery. Despite this it was not without a small amount of unease that I delved in to see how these two well-respected, Godly women would approach the topic of erotica and intimacy from a Biblical perspective. From the very first pages I was put at ease and I knew this book would indeed be the ‘game changer’ both authors desired it to be.
Throughout Pulling Back the Shades, the authors share with authenticity and sincerity their burden for women, particularly Christian women, pulled into the lure of erotica and the deception that it is harmless. Infused with stories from real women Gresh and Slattery reveal the very real damage to women’s lives and marriages caused by dabbling in erotica. They describe the inbuilt longings of women and how erotica feeds into them so completely. They openly discuss the deception and spiritual battle involved and the way Satan uses erotica to “kill and destroy” people of faith.
The book begins by acknowledging and describing the emotional and sexual needs of women and how the Fifty Shades style of erotica appears to fulfil those needs. What I found refreshing in the early chapters of this book is that these authors do not shy away from God’s Truth and dare to risk ‘political incorrectness’ to name that which God defines as sin. Gresh and Slattery do not leave the reader in that confronting, perhaps condemning place, but move forward to share a Godly, Biblically-centred view on women’s sexuality and practical suggestions for being both spiritually and sexually satisfied.
What comes through the pages of this book very clearly is the burden and deep concern these two authors carry for the hearts of women who are being deceived and destroyed by the world of erotica deemed harmless, perhaps even helpful, by health care professionals across our nations. These two women, who dare to speak God’s truth in love, bring words that not only identify damaging sin, but words of healing and restoration.
If you are someone who wonders why the Fifty Shades books should be left in the bookstore, or if you experience difficulty with intimacy as a result of erotica I would urge you to entrust yourself into the loving, wise care of these two authors. Their advice will give you hope that restoration is possible and remind you of the God whose knows you intimately and who wants you to appreciate the woman He created you to be. Even if these are things you're not questioning or struggling with, even if you enjoy a positive, intimate marriage Pulling Back the Shades will offer you insight and wisdom into the beauty of married intimacy.
With thanks to Moody Publishers for providing my review copy.
My review is completely independent and not coerced in any way.
Throughout Pulling Back the Shades, the authors share with authenticity and sincerity their burden for women, particularly Christian women, pulled into the lure of erotica and the deception that it is harmless. Infused with stories from real women Gresh and Slattery reveal the very real damage to women’s lives and marriages caused by dabbling in erotica. They describe the inbuilt longings of women and how erotica feeds into them so completely. They openly discuss the deception and spiritual battle involved and the way Satan uses erotica to “kill and destroy” people of faith.
The book begins by acknowledging and describing the emotional and sexual needs of women and how the Fifty Shades style of erotica appears to fulfil those needs. What I found refreshing in the early chapters of this book is that these authors do not shy away from God’s Truth and dare to risk ‘political incorrectness’ to name that which God defines as sin. Gresh and Slattery do not leave the reader in that confronting, perhaps condemning place, but move forward to share a Godly, Biblically-centred view on women’s sexuality and practical suggestions for being both spiritually and sexually satisfied.
What comes through the pages of this book very clearly is the burden and deep concern these two authors carry for the hearts of women who are being deceived and destroyed by the world of erotica deemed harmless, perhaps even helpful, by health care professionals across our nations. These two women, who dare to speak God’s truth in love, bring words that not only identify damaging sin, but words of healing and restoration.
If you are someone who wonders why the Fifty Shades books should be left in the bookstore, or if you experience difficulty with intimacy as a result of erotica I would urge you to entrust yourself into the loving, wise care of these two authors. Their advice will give you hope that restoration is possible and remind you of the God whose knows you intimately and who wants you to appreciate the woman He created you to be. Even if these are things you're not questioning or struggling with, even if you enjoy a positive, intimate marriage Pulling Back the Shades will offer you insight and wisdom into the beauty of married intimacy.
With thanks to Moody Publishers for providing my review copy.
My review is completely independent and not coerced in any way.
February 25, 2014
They broke the rules!
The subject matter...raunchy. The writing...real, blunt, and taboo, at least within the church. Dannah Gresh, a best-selling author and the founder of Pure Freedom, an organization defending abstinence, and Dr. Juli Slattery, a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker and broadcast media professional, boldly go where few have ventured, specifically within the Christian realm of women’s issues. In a rebuttal to the Fifty Shades of Grey series, Gresh and Slattery address erotica amongst churchgoing women - in your face and without apologies.
Erotica, always a man’s problem, right? Not any longer. Gresh and Slattery “pull back the shades” on the real problem - “spiritual women struggle with sexual issues” and shame. The lie: BDSM promises sexual fulfillment and revival. The truth: Women long for intimacy, passion, and adventure.
Struggling? You are not alone. Christian women secretly yearn for a strong, confident man to provide, protect, and lead them. This is where erotica comes in, luring you into an unreal reality that whisks you into a world “far, far away.” It promises a pulse racing adventure, yet abandons you in the end leaving you empty and devoid.
Whether single or married, Pulling Back the Shades is here to rescue your heart and bring you to the Living Water of true reality. Searching for your lost pulse? Gresh and Slattery have the answers that lead to authentic intimacy that is heart pumping and pulse racing, with a happy ending - no imagination needed.
The subject matter...raunchy. The writing...real, blunt, and taboo, at least within the church. Dannah Gresh, a best-selling author and the founder of Pure Freedom, an organization defending abstinence, and Dr. Juli Slattery, a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker and broadcast media professional, boldly go where few have ventured, specifically within the Christian realm of women’s issues. In a rebuttal to the Fifty Shades of Grey series, Gresh and Slattery address erotica amongst churchgoing women - in your face and without apologies.
Erotica, always a man’s problem, right? Not any longer. Gresh and Slattery “pull back the shades” on the real problem - “spiritual women struggle with sexual issues” and shame. The lie: BDSM promises sexual fulfillment and revival. The truth: Women long for intimacy, passion, and adventure.
Struggling? You are not alone. Christian women secretly yearn for a strong, confident man to provide, protect, and lead them. This is where erotica comes in, luring you into an unreal reality that whisks you into a world “far, far away.” It promises a pulse racing adventure, yet abandons you in the end leaving you empty and devoid.
Whether single or married, Pulling Back the Shades is here to rescue your heart and bring you to the Living Water of true reality. Searching for your lost pulse? Gresh and Slattery have the answers that lead to authentic intimacy that is heart pumping and pulse racing, with a happy ending - no imagination needed.
August 8, 2024
I wanted to like this book. I thought it would have insight into the phenomenon of single Christian women using romance novels to escape the reality of their lives and to indulge fantasy. I thought it would have Biblical wisdom to share on false assumptions we can make about what true intimacy and love is.
However, what I discovered were pages describing fulfilling intimacy for the married woman, but when it comes to the single woman--who they acknowledge has the same desires/longings that married women do--they compare her yearning to shopping and late-night snacking.
The book is seriously lacking on practical and Biblical wisdom on this matter. The one practical solution section for singles is relegated to a few paragraphs in the appendix. It tells women to schedule a massage and host dinner parties. These may be part of the answer but the authors fail to acknowledge the gravity of grieving a future that may never come because it was never promised.
The authors want us to think that purity is not God's "no" to all our deepest longings, only "just wait a while." And in the same breath tell us that women who are longing for marriage are putting their hope in something God has never promised. There should have been more discussion of how, in our faith, we can hold both truths: we can have true intimacy and love with our Heavenly Father and also grieve the possibility that marriage may not happen. It should ultimately be about coming into agreement with God about what is good and not defining any part of our lives, worth, or success by the world’s standards.
I will say the part I enjoyed most was about Jesus speaking to the woman at the well in John 4. I hadn’t considered that God was responding to her thirst for intimacy which was on display because she had many husbands. Jesus’ message to her is that he can satisfy her unmet longings so completely that she will not need to return to counterfeit versions anymore or seek a substitute ever again. That is a powerful teaching for the single woman struggling with sexual sin.
However, what I discovered were pages describing fulfilling intimacy for the married woman, but when it comes to the single woman--who they acknowledge has the same desires/longings that married women do--they compare her yearning to shopping and late-night snacking.
The book is seriously lacking on practical and Biblical wisdom on this matter. The one practical solution section for singles is relegated to a few paragraphs in the appendix. It tells women to schedule a massage and host dinner parties. These may be part of the answer but the authors fail to acknowledge the gravity of grieving a future that may never come because it was never promised.
The authors want us to think that purity is not God's "no" to all our deepest longings, only "just wait a while." And in the same breath tell us that women who are longing for marriage are putting their hope in something God has never promised. There should have been more discussion of how, in our faith, we can hold both truths: we can have true intimacy and love with our Heavenly Father and also grieve the possibility that marriage may not happen. It should ultimately be about coming into agreement with God about what is good and not defining any part of our lives, worth, or success by the world’s standards.
I will say the part I enjoyed most was about Jesus speaking to the woman at the well in John 4. I hadn’t considered that God was responding to her thirst for intimacy which was on display because she had many husbands. Jesus’ message to her is that he can satisfy her unmet longings so completely that she will not need to return to counterfeit versions anymore or seek a substitute ever again. That is a powerful teaching for the single woman struggling with sexual sin.
June 19, 2023
I thought this book was ok but not great. I think Juli Slattery’s other books and podcast are much better written and more practical. Juli does a good job communicating with clarity and compassion, but this book didn’t feel that way at all (I think since it was co-authored it felt really choppy). I would not recommend this book - I think there are much better resources out there!
March 14, 2015
In an effort to inform and help women, Pulling Back the Shades reveals the dangers of how erotica pulls women into discontentment and unrealistic relationships. My own reading preference, I have not read the books. I have read some of the reviews and that was enough for me. When I was younger, I read what was considered then a little daring. However, I do not intentionally read too many romances just because it does mess with my mind and ultimately my relationship with my husband.
Is this book for all women? I would hope that all women would embrace this book, however, some do not see or feel that this is hurtful to them or their partners. Whatever you may think about the dangers, I think the issues were dealt with care, love and clarity. What it comes down to is what is important to you. If this is not important to you, this book will be of no use to you and an affront to you as well. If you are a Christian, your relationship with the Lord should be important and what you think about sex is also important. Sex is a holy expression and if you think 50 Shades of Grey is harmless, think on these things. The name of the character, the use of the word holy in the book, and that sex is used as a way to control and manipulate in an abusive way. In Erotica, moral and spiritual laws can be harmful and there is no happy ever after.
What makes women attracted to erotica? Is erotica a lie that women believe?
The book discusses the 5 longings that women embrace and ultimately look for in their relationships. How erotica in a deceitful way, fills those longs for women.
The strength of this book is the spiritual side of sex and how when partners realize and embrace the spiritual, how fulfilling sex can be. Just look at the Song of Solomon as an example. The English language does not do it justice unfortunately. The bible has its own erotica.
Sex is a God-given gift to give us intimacy, pleasure and joy. I think this book reveals why.
Is this book for all women? I would hope that all women would embrace this book, however, some do not see or feel that this is hurtful to them or their partners. Whatever you may think about the dangers, I think the issues were dealt with care, love and clarity. What it comes down to is what is important to you. If this is not important to you, this book will be of no use to you and an affront to you as well. If you are a Christian, your relationship with the Lord should be important and what you think about sex is also important. Sex is a holy expression and if you think 50 Shades of Grey is harmless, think on these things. The name of the character, the use of the word holy in the book, and that sex is used as a way to control and manipulate in an abusive way. In Erotica, moral and spiritual laws can be harmful and there is no happy ever after.
What makes women attracted to erotica? Is erotica a lie that women believe?
The book discusses the 5 longings that women embrace and ultimately look for in their relationships. How erotica in a deceitful way, fills those longs for women.
The strength of this book is the spiritual side of sex and how when partners realize and embrace the spiritual, how fulfilling sex can be. Just look at the Song of Solomon as an example. The English language does not do it justice unfortunately. The bible has its own erotica.
Sex is a God-given gift to give us intimacy, pleasure and joy. I think this book reveals why.
January 14, 2018
disclaimer: I have not read Fifty Shades of Grey or watched the movies. I have heard enough about it from others to not want to read it or watch it. it doesn't mean I haven't struggled with sexual sin, which I have.
Although the series was basically the catalyst for the writing of this book, "This book is about the spiritual battle for the hearts and souls of women". Dannah sums it up perfectly at the end of the book.
Pulling Back the Shades took me back to the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers in many ways because both books are fighting to show you the truth about sexual sin. Juli states that, "Evil's primary attack on sexuality is to simplify it --- to separate the physical act of sex from human love and divine design". I couldn't have said it any better and this fact is shown in the storyline of Redeeming Love.
I recommend this book to all Christian women whether they deal with erotica or not, because this book does apply to all women. God made each one of us as sexual beings and at one point or another we are going to struggle with something sexually whether as single or married women.
"Your sexuality was never meant to be separate from your deepest spiritual and relational longings but to be an expression of them".
Although the series was basically the catalyst for the writing of this book, "This book is about the spiritual battle for the hearts and souls of women". Dannah sums it up perfectly at the end of the book.
Pulling Back the Shades took me back to the book Redeeming Love by Francine Rivers in many ways because both books are fighting to show you the truth about sexual sin. Juli states that, "Evil's primary attack on sexuality is to simplify it --- to separate the physical act of sex from human love and divine design". I couldn't have said it any better and this fact is shown in the storyline of Redeeming Love.
I recommend this book to all Christian women whether they deal with erotica or not, because this book does apply to all women. God made each one of us as sexual beings and at one point or another we are going to struggle with something sexually whether as single or married women.
"Your sexuality was never meant to be separate from your deepest spiritual and relational longings but to be an expression of them".
April 18, 2025
A very helpful resource. The authors clearly and unapologetically call sin sin— sexually explicit books are pornography, and should never be consumed by women who call themselves Christians— while also dealing with the more subtle wisdom issues that women might not initially consider— is the perfect, polished boyfriend in the romance novel causing unrealistic expectations and discontentment with your real life husband and sex life? Does the book celebrate or glorify sin— adultery, fornication, or other sexual immorality? Is it the best use of your time? Does it cause you to think about what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent, or praiseworthy (Philippians 4:8)?
While the authors clearly confront sin, the book was also very hope-filled and encouraging, always pointing the reader to God’s glorious design for marriage and sexuality (which is certainly not frigid), and the ultimate fulfillment to every longing that is found in Christ.
While the authors clearly confront sin, the book was also very hope-filled and encouraging, always pointing the reader to God’s glorious design for marriage and sexuality (which is certainly not frigid), and the ultimate fulfillment to every longing that is found in Christ.
December 21, 2023
This is my 3rd or 4th read through this book. I love it, I think it’s fantastic and everyone should read it for a good look through it for a look at how sexual sin and brutality is being sold and shown as desirable. The only reason I gave this book 4 stars is that I wish there were more scripture references in it and more of a perspective for single women!
April 11, 2014
If you’ve read erotica, been tempted to read it, or know someone who has read it, you NEED to read Pulling Back the Shades: Erotica, Intimacy and the Longings of a Woman’s Heart. In the book, authors Dannah Gresh and Dr. Juli Slattery shine the light on how erotic books like Fifty Shades of Grey, also known as “mommy porn,” actually destroy relationships and marriages.
Straight away, Gresh and Slattery identify five unmet longings in women’s hearts and the characteristics of successful erotica, exposing how guidelines given to authors in the industry exploit what women secretly long for. Throughout the book, the authors use examples from Fifty Shades of Grey and the Bible to show how Satan has used erotica to draw women away from God’s design for sex and marriage. They say, “The fantasy of erotica inspires one thing—the longing for more. Instead of satisfying your longings, it will awaken, manipulate, and deepen them.” They go on to say that reading erotica, a form of pornography, affects the brain creating an addiction, and it also leads women to disillusionment, dissatisfaction, ungratefulness in reality, and the inability to experience authentic relationships.
But Gresh and Slattery don’t stop there.; they offer help for hope and healing from the Bible. They also include two very practical appendices. The first is a list of resources for online accountability as well as books and studies for sexual healing. Appendix 2 is perhaps, to me, the most practical and helpful part of the entire book. Titled “What Do I Do with My Struggle? Practical Ideas for Victory,” this appendix provides very practical and helpful steps for women to take toward experiencing sexual healing and recovery. They are simple and doable steps any woman can take to find victory in Christ.
Having not read the Fifty Shades of Grey series myself, I was shocked to read that Slattery found in the series such a blatant attack on Christianity. Slattery says, “They are very spiritual books with an aggressive spiritual agenda.” She cites countless references to Christianity, to Christian symbols, and to Christian song lyrics in the Fifty Shades series which basically spit in the face of the Bible and Jesus followers. Additionally, she notes at least 100 uses of the word “holy” (which means consecrated unto God and set apart) combined with less than holy terms. Slattery says, “I am absolutely convinced that Satan, through these books, intended to mock and desecrate things set apart to worship God.”
I applaud Gresh and Slattery for broaching a sensitive topic that has been ignored and overlooked in Christian circles for far too long. With both compassion and tact, they help women look biblically at what is truly black, white and gray. The authors help women realize that sexuality and spirituality were never meant to be separated and that God created sexuality for enjoyment within a biblical, covenant marriage.
Pulling Back the Shades is a relatively short book, it’s small in size, and can be easily read in one sitting. Yet, I highly recommend that readers take the time to read slowly, carefully, and prayerfully, and then take seriously the questions at the end of each chapter and in the group discussion guide at the end of the book.
This would be a great book for a group of women to read and discuss together in a small group situation. Additionally, I think it would be a great lead-in to another new book, Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are You Making? by one of the authors, Dr. July Slattery and Linda Dillow. The small group Bible study about sex is designed to help women reclaim God’s design for sex and to revive their marriages.
DANNAH GRESH is a bestselling author and co-founder of Pure Freedom. Dannah's books include And the Bride Wore White , What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex, and Lies Young Women Believe (co-authored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss), in addition to the Secret Keeper series. She is also a frequent guest for national radio, TV and print mediums. Dannah lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Bob, and their three children.
DR. JULI SLATTERY is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional. Her commitment to biblical principles, relatable style, and quick wit have made her a highly sought after speaker to women's groups. Juli's books include Finding the Hero in Your Husband, No More Headaches, and Guilt Free Motherhood. She and her husband Mark have been married for 18 years and have three children.
*Note: I received a copy of the book from Moody Publishers for this review. However, the opinions expressed in the review are my own.
Straight away, Gresh and Slattery identify five unmet longings in women’s hearts and the characteristics of successful erotica, exposing how guidelines given to authors in the industry exploit what women secretly long for. Throughout the book, the authors use examples from Fifty Shades of Grey and the Bible to show how Satan has used erotica to draw women away from God’s design for sex and marriage. They say, “The fantasy of erotica inspires one thing—the longing for more. Instead of satisfying your longings, it will awaken, manipulate, and deepen them.” They go on to say that reading erotica, a form of pornography, affects the brain creating an addiction, and it also leads women to disillusionment, dissatisfaction, ungratefulness in reality, and the inability to experience authentic relationships.
But Gresh and Slattery don’t stop there.; they offer help for hope and healing from the Bible. They also include two very practical appendices. The first is a list of resources for online accountability as well as books and studies for sexual healing. Appendix 2 is perhaps, to me, the most practical and helpful part of the entire book. Titled “What Do I Do with My Struggle? Practical Ideas for Victory,” this appendix provides very practical and helpful steps for women to take toward experiencing sexual healing and recovery. They are simple and doable steps any woman can take to find victory in Christ.
Having not read the Fifty Shades of Grey series myself, I was shocked to read that Slattery found in the series such a blatant attack on Christianity. Slattery says, “They are very spiritual books with an aggressive spiritual agenda.” She cites countless references to Christianity, to Christian symbols, and to Christian song lyrics in the Fifty Shades series which basically spit in the face of the Bible and Jesus followers. Additionally, she notes at least 100 uses of the word “holy” (which means consecrated unto God and set apart) combined with less than holy terms. Slattery says, “I am absolutely convinced that Satan, through these books, intended to mock and desecrate things set apart to worship God.”
I applaud Gresh and Slattery for broaching a sensitive topic that has been ignored and overlooked in Christian circles for far too long. With both compassion and tact, they help women look biblically at what is truly black, white and gray. The authors help women realize that sexuality and spirituality were never meant to be separated and that God created sexuality for enjoyment within a biblical, covenant marriage.
Pulling Back the Shades is a relatively short book, it’s small in size, and can be easily read in one sitting. Yet, I highly recommend that readers take the time to read slowly, carefully, and prayerfully, and then take seriously the questions at the end of each chapter and in the group discussion guide at the end of the book.
This would be a great book for a group of women to read and discuss together in a small group situation. Additionally, I think it would be a great lead-in to another new book, Passion Pursuit: What Kind of Love are You Making? by one of the authors, Dr. July Slattery and Linda Dillow. The small group Bible study about sex is designed to help women reclaim God’s design for sex and to revive their marriages.
DANNAH GRESH is a bestselling author and co-founder of Pure Freedom. Dannah's books include And the Bride Wore White , What Are You Waiting For: The One Thing No One Ever Tells You About Sex, and Lies Young Women Believe (co-authored with Nancy Leigh DeMoss), in addition to the Secret Keeper series. She is also a frequent guest for national radio, TV and print mediums. Dannah lives in State College, Pennsylvania, with her husband, Bob, and their three children.
DR. JULI SLATTERY is a widely known clinical psychologist, author, speaker, and broadcast media professional. Her commitment to biblical principles, relatable style, and quick wit have made her a highly sought after speaker to women's groups. Juli's books include Finding the Hero in Your Husband, No More Headaches, and Guilt Free Motherhood. She and her husband Mark have been married for 18 years and have three children.
*Note: I received a copy of the book from Moody Publishers for this review. However, the opinions expressed in the review are my own.
April 16, 2014
I wasn’t sure what to expect from this book. After years around Protestant Christian churches, I had noticed that men’s sexual sin is not infrequently discussed in church but women’s very rarely is. I have heard the evils of pornography discussed but I have never heard women’s preferred form of pornography – erotica – discussed. I thought maybe the authoresses would try to excuse women’s sexual sin, but they did not! Instead they lovingly, in the name of Christ, but very firmly, call erotica what it is: women’s pornography.
The book, though I have one minor quibble that I’ll explain in a moment, is excellent. I highly recommend it.
First, let me say that I have never been into reading erotica. I don’t say this with any spiritual pride; it simply has never interested me, so I’ve not had a spiritual battle in this area (other areas, of course, I have – like anyone, I have my temptations). Therefore, I didn’t realize that erotica addiction, like pornography addiction, was running rampant among Christian women − and not only women, but girls as young as 12. I have never read the Fifty Shades of Grey series which is addressed in Dr. Slattery and Mrs. Gresh’s book, but according to their research, one in every five American adults who read Fifty Shades of Grey is a Christian (p. 134).
Not having read the FSOG series, I was unaware of this direct usage of Christian imagery described in Chapter 3, “Why Mommy Porn Is Spiritual” but I certainly agree with Slattery and Gresh’s conclusion: erotica, like pornography, is a spiritual battle with the enemy of God.
In Chapters 7 and 8, Slattery and Gresh then give the reader some ideas about how to become a sexually-satisfied and spiritually-satisfied woman. My one quibble here is in Chapter 8, on being sexually satisfied. After having discussed the neurochemical basis for arousal, and how novelty in sex can become addictive, the authoresses encourage women to be sexually adventurous with their husbands (page 105). The problem I have with this is that being adventurous – seeking out continued novelty – teaches husbands and wives to crave that neurochemical “high” from novel sexual stimulation. I don’t think this is particularly healthy; rather, we should be teaching husbands and wives to give sex freely and generously to one another with the understanding that its purpose is to be pleasurable, procreative, and unitive, not novel and “intense”. I don’t mean that sex should be ho-hum, but the end result of always having to increase the thrill factor is that you end up having to seek out more and more novelty and more and more intense sexual stimulation when the entire focus of the marital bed is on producing that sexual high.
However, other than this disagreement, I can wholeheartedly recommend Pulling Back the Shades. In the back are small group discussion and personal journaling questions, and at 165 pages, it’s a quick and easy read, which makes it ideal for women’s small groups. Given the testimony the authoresses cite from so many women who are struggling with compulsive erotica use, it is obvious that this is an issue that the church needs to take seriously.
The book, though I have one minor quibble that I’ll explain in a moment, is excellent. I highly recommend it.
First, let me say that I have never been into reading erotica. I don’t say this with any spiritual pride; it simply has never interested me, so I’ve not had a spiritual battle in this area (other areas, of course, I have – like anyone, I have my temptations). Therefore, I didn’t realize that erotica addiction, like pornography addiction, was running rampant among Christian women − and not only women, but girls as young as 12. I have never read the Fifty Shades of Grey series which is addressed in Dr. Slattery and Mrs. Gresh’s book, but according to their research, one in every five American adults who read Fifty Shades of Grey is a Christian (p. 134).
Not having read the FSOG series, I was unaware of this direct usage of Christian imagery described in Chapter 3, “Why Mommy Porn Is Spiritual” but I certainly agree with Slattery and Gresh’s conclusion: erotica, like pornography, is a spiritual battle with the enemy of God.
In Chapters 7 and 8, Slattery and Gresh then give the reader some ideas about how to become a sexually-satisfied and spiritually-satisfied woman. My one quibble here is in Chapter 8, on being sexually satisfied. After having discussed the neurochemical basis for arousal, and how novelty in sex can become addictive, the authoresses encourage women to be sexually adventurous with their husbands (page 105). The problem I have with this is that being adventurous – seeking out continued novelty – teaches husbands and wives to crave that neurochemical “high” from novel sexual stimulation. I don’t think this is particularly healthy; rather, we should be teaching husbands and wives to give sex freely and generously to one another with the understanding that its purpose is to be pleasurable, procreative, and unitive, not novel and “intense”. I don’t mean that sex should be ho-hum, but the end result of always having to increase the thrill factor is that you end up having to seek out more and more novelty and more and more intense sexual stimulation when the entire focus of the marital bed is on producing that sexual high.
However, other than this disagreement, I can wholeheartedly recommend Pulling Back the Shades. In the back are small group discussion and personal journaling questions, and at 165 pages, it’s a quick and easy read, which makes it ideal for women’s small groups. Given the testimony the authoresses cite from so many women who are struggling with compulsive erotica use, it is obvious that this is an issue that the church needs to take seriously.
April 14, 2014
I'm a Christian woman and I've been lead astray by erotica. I didn't think that it was a bad thing until I became more curious about my faith. It's funny because I was born into my religion, but yet I had really no idea what that entailed until recently. Once I realized that my reading erotica might not be so harmless, I tried to keep myself from reading the many books I'd got off of Amazon for free. I found myself going back to them sometimes, until I finally just decided to delete them from my account all together and ignore the ads when they popped up. Now, I don't feel that kind of temptation anymore. After reading this book, I feel even more empowered and able to leave erotica behind. I learned a great deal from Dannah and Juli. They used the Bible to teach me what was considered appropriate and holy by God between husband and wife. I feel more confident in my faith and in my life after reading this book. I used to feel ashamed for thinking that I would have a husband someday and be able to have sex with him because I always thought that sex was a lesser-evil and that it was just to be used to procreate. Now I know that God created us as sexual beings and it isn't wrong between a husband and wife to share these feelings together and it's not something shameful.. it's beautiful. This book isn't just for married people either, it's also for single women. This book tells you about what God promises and doesn't promise for you. This book will definitely not lead you astray or have you dreaming up your fairy tale husband and then become disappointed because there is no such thing as a fairy tale husband in real life. This is not about fantasy, this book is about truth. I recommend this book to any woman who feels ashamed of being sexual and spiritual and who wants to learn more about God and His plan for you as a spiritual and sexual being.
June 30, 2014
As a Christian, I have always wondered if you can be a Christian and read erotica. Actually, I have a lot of questions about sex and Christianity. Finally there's a book that steps up to the plate and answers all the hard questions. The authors also use scripture to back up their answers with proof. If you want that answer, I'm not going to give it to you. You'll have to read the book.
In the church, sexuality has always been a taboo topic. It's just one of those things that you don't talk about. Pulling Back the Shades teaches you how to use your sexuality in a way that still glorifies God. Erotica is not the only thing talked about in this book. Sex toys, BDSM, and online relationships are just a few things that the book covers. I think that when I was reading this book, I highlighted a quarter of it. I truly believe that it helped me grow closer in my walk with God.
There is only one problem I had with the book. I received an ARC from NetGalley. It might be because I had an ARC, but the formatting was horrible. The book would cut off in the middle of a sentence quite a few times. I was upset. I feel like I might have missed out on some valuable lesson that really would have helped me.
Other than the formatting issues, I loved Pulling Back the Shades. I highly recommend it to Christian women everywhere. I also recommend the book to anyone who has ever been curious about the bible's stance on sex.
In the church, sexuality has always been a taboo topic. It's just one of those things that you don't talk about. Pulling Back the Shades teaches you how to use your sexuality in a way that still glorifies God. Erotica is not the only thing talked about in this book. Sex toys, BDSM, and online relationships are just a few things that the book covers. I think that when I was reading this book, I highlighted a quarter of it. I truly believe that it helped me grow closer in my walk with God.
There is only one problem I had with the book. I received an ARC from NetGalley. It might be because I had an ARC, but the formatting was horrible. The book would cut off in the middle of a sentence quite a few times. I was upset. I feel like I might have missed out on some valuable lesson that really would have helped me.
Other than the formatting issues, I loved Pulling Back the Shades. I highly recommend it to Christian women everywhere. I also recommend the book to anyone who has ever been curious about the bible's stance on sex.
February 15, 2017
It was very interesting to read a Christian response to 50 Shades of Grey. I already knew some of Dannah's other books and I liked them even though I don't agree with everything she has to say. She has written this one with Juli Slattery, whom I didn't know before.
Overall, I found their explanations and theories about erotica and fantasizing convincing. I also liked the questions for self-reflection at the end of each chapter. And I would have given it four or five stars if there hadn't been two major things that I didn't like.
The first thing is that 1/3 of the book is actually used to advertise other books (about 60 pages). There are two rather long excerpts from Passion Pursuit (by Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow) and Undefiled (by Harry Schaumburg). Passion Pursuit is also mentioned multiple times in the book and then, after the excerpt, there's yet another page recommending the book. Because of the excerpts, the real book is only about 120 pages long.
And the second thing is that at times, it felt like the book was written rather quickly to profit from the attention that 50 Shades received. And to advertise the authors' other books. I would have preferred it if they had elaborated a little more on certain issues.
A minor issue is also the fact that there are questions at the end of each chapter, but there's also a study guide in the end (after all the other excerpts, I would have almost missed it). It would have been better to combine the two.
Overall, I found their explanations and theories about erotica and fantasizing convincing. I also liked the questions for self-reflection at the end of each chapter. And I would have given it four or five stars if there hadn't been two major things that I didn't like.
The first thing is that 1/3 of the book is actually used to advertise other books (about 60 pages). There are two rather long excerpts from Passion Pursuit (by Juli Slattery and Linda Dillow) and Undefiled (by Harry Schaumburg). Passion Pursuit is also mentioned multiple times in the book and then, after the excerpt, there's yet another page recommending the book. Because of the excerpts, the real book is only about 120 pages long.
And the second thing is that at times, it felt like the book was written rather quickly to profit from the attention that 50 Shades received. And to advertise the authors' other books. I would have preferred it if they had elaborated a little more on certain issues.
A minor issue is also the fact that there are questions at the end of each chapter, but there's also a study guide in the end (after all the other excerpts, I would have almost missed it). It would have been better to combine the two.
April 3, 2015
Whilst this books starts off talking about the book 50 Shades of Grey, it goes into so much more. It looks at erotica/mommy porn and discusses why people are drawn to it & what it is promising whilst then going on to explain the dangers and risks. It is refreshing to have a book that looks specifically at erotica, whilst still discussing porn, and thus shows how damaging and dangerous erotica is, which is often seen as much more mild/ok compared to porn. The writers come across as biblical women whom are also psychologists and have spent a lot of time working with and studying intimacy. I though it was well written, easy to read and had practical help everyone, regardless of where you are at and what your struggles are. It is nice to hear Christian women who are trying to reclaim sex.
June 29, 2016
Pulling Back the Shades is about so much more than Fifty Shades of Grey and erotica. It's a book about spiritual and personal growth, learning to know God, and freeing ourselves from our sins.
The authors deliver the hard truth about what is right or wrong and about what God promises or doesn't promise...
A truly inspiring read with an important message for Christian women, both single and married.
The authors deliver the hard truth about what is right or wrong and about what God promises or doesn't promise...
A truly inspiring read with an important message for Christian women, both single and married.
April 29, 2014
This book speaks to the destructive forces of porn and erotica on marriage, and spirituality. I'm so glad I'm in the minority of women who have not read 50 Shades.
November 7, 2014
Loved this book. a great read that i believe every Christian woman who reads erotica or etc..or even generally should read. non-christians should read this as well! so inspiring and well written!
April 4, 2019
Written in response to the phenomenon of Fifty Shades of Grey as "mommy porn" that became a top-selling book for women, Christian or not, this helpful and refreshing, concise, transparent, and immediately applicable little book addresses real life issues of women's, and even and especially Christian women's, attraction to erotica and porn, in an attempt to replace, supplement, or stimulate their sex lives. I highly recommend all women read it.
I appreciated that the format preserved both authors' distinct voices, one having read the book, and one not, and included many quotes from Christian women whose lives and families had been nearly ruined because of their foray into erotica. Thought-provoking questions at the end of each chapter and the book lead the reader into considering how our sexuality is inseparable from our spirituality.
After reading this book, I am very interested in reading more of Juli Slattery's blogs and books and following her teaching and podcasts at authenticintimacy.com to further clarify and correct my view of my sexuality, which has been shaped far more by the world than by godly input.
January 31, 2022
I have often found myself struggling to talk to my friends (married and single) about this issue - not for lack of honesty or desire, but for lack of knowledge and wisdom on what would actually be helpful. So I was excited when I saw this book at the library and decided to grab it.
While this book seems to be about 50 Shades of Gray, it really is about women and sexuality. Much of the book didn't apply to me for many reasons, but even if you aren't married or don't struggle with erotica in general or the themes of BDSM, it still is a good read. The authors split the book with different fonts, which I actually enjoyed, and their differing perspectives were appreciated.
The previous review I read was negative because the girl said she didn't feel like there was enough help for single women - it absolutely isn't comprehensive when it comes to single women and sexuality, but it is encouraging and helpful.
While this book seems to be about 50 Shades of Gray, it really is about women and sexuality. Much of the book didn't apply to me for many reasons, but even if you aren't married or don't struggle with erotica in general or the themes of BDSM, it still is a good read. The authors split the book with different fonts, which I actually enjoyed, and their differing perspectives were appreciated.
The previous review I read was negative because the girl said she didn't feel like there was enough help for single women - it absolutely isn't comprehensive when it comes to single women and sexuality, but it is encouraging and helpful.
May 30, 2019
I have never been a fan of or interested in erotica. When 50 Shades came out, I'll be honest, I was very judgmental of the Christian women I knew who so openly read it and fawned over it (but got mad if I said the word "crap" in conversation, can we say WTF?!?). It all felt very hypocritical. I'm a prude so I was uncomfortable reading this, but my interest was piqued after watching Jada Pinkett Smith's Red Table Talk about women and porn. Not a topic readily discussed, especially in the Church. After reading some articles online, I was recommended this to read. There were some things that I fundamentally disagreed with, but otherwise, it provided great insight into why women, especially Christian women, are pulled so easily into the world of lust, etc., whether it be through books, tv, or movies. It was interesting to see that women who do seek these types of books, specifically, are trying to fill some need or void. And the guilt and shame that is tied to this.
November 5, 2017
Apart from the book being a response to the incredibly successful following of "50 shades" this didn't seem much different than other women's Christian marriage/sexuality books. The authors mentioned needing to get this book written in just a couple of months, and it felt a little rushed. A quick read- the first half focused more on the books and the second was a little more general. I do think there is some helpful information here, and it was somewhat eye-opening and motivating. The subject matter is absolutely relevant to women in the church today. Not bad but not the best book ever.
June 5, 2023
Pulling Back the Shades is a great book that identifies 5 characteristics of a woman’s most intimate longings and how Satan uses those God given longings against us. God designed women, and men, to be sexual within His holy boundaries.
The book highlights two aspects of a satisfied woman: sexually satisfied and spiritually satisfied. These two satisfactions correlate and intertwine as neither can be exclusive and both require an understanding of holiness.
Great book for women who do and don’t struggle with explicit sexual sin but also may be longing for satisfaction in God.
The book highlights two aspects of a satisfied woman: sexually satisfied and spiritually satisfied. These two satisfactions correlate and intertwine as neither can be exclusive and both require an understanding of holiness.
Great book for women who do and don’t struggle with explicit sexual sin but also may be longing for satisfaction in God.
March 6, 2023
This is a great book! I am happy to hear Christian women talking about sex, desire and intimacy. For too long these topics have been taboo among Christian women- it’s time we change the narrative on sex in the church. Married sex is hot and a beautiful gift from God- it’s to be celebrated and enjoyed not avoided or be ashamed of!! Two thumbs up for women who are brave enough to go there and do so in a God-honoring way!
February 23, 2020
As a therapist I’m always looking for resources for clients. This is a timely book that sheds light on the danger of erotica for women spirituality and relationally. Well thought out and filled with compassion rather than judgement in helping women understand and accept their deep longings and needs and helping them find healthy ways to satisfy their desire for intimacy
August 13, 2022
I would highly recommend this book to any Christian women who had ever considered reading or has read erotica. It’s highly comprehensive and discusses the issue from multiple prospectives. I’ve read books by both Dannah and Juli before and this is definitely my favorite. It’s culturally relevant, doesn’t shy away from the reality of the issue, and speaks God’s truth unflinchingly.
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