How To Be Dead

The 'How To Be Dead' Grim Reaper Comedy Horror Series #1

by Dave Turner

Alternate cover edition of ASIN B00H17V7OS


Dave Marwood is trapped in a soul crushing dead end job. He’s in love with his work colleague Melanie and his only friend Gary is a conspiracy theory nut.

His life is going nowhere until he has a Near Death Experience - though Death thinks of it as a Near Dave Experience. He discovers gifts he never knew he possessed and a world he never dreamed existed. A world where the Grim Reaper is a hard drinking, grumpy Billy Joel fan and the undead are bored, lonely and dangerous.

How To Be Dead is the first part in a three novella series that tells the story of Death and his office staff protecting humanity from ghosts, zombies, vampires and medium-sized apocalypses.

After a nice cup of tea and a biscuit.

Genres: Fantasy, Fiction, Humor, Horror, Comedy, Urban Fantasy, Paranormal

84 pages, ebook

First published December 1, 2013

About the author

Dave Turner is an award winning writer whose work has featured on the websites of BBC News, The Guardian, The Daily Telegraph, The Times, The Huffington Post and FHM.

In 2011 he won the Best Screenplay Award at London Screenwriters' Festival with his short film script 'Everything You Need'. After selling various screenplays which you will note you have not seen as films at your local multiplex, he created Aim For The Head books to publish his work. He has written two novellas, How To Be Dead and Paper Cuts, which are available from Amazon now.

Reviews

[Jaela Lynndon · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dave Turner immediately acquired the (somewhat dubious) honor of being one of maybe four authors whose books I’ve actually BOUGHT after reading one of their freebies. “How to be Dead (The ‘How to be Dead’ Grim Reaper Comedy Horror Series Book 1)” hooked me so I bought “Paper Cuts (The ‘How to be Dead’ Grim Reaper Comedy Horror Series Book 2).” It cost me all of $2.99, but I would’ve paid more. (Don’t tell Dave.)

It isn’t the genre so much as the attitude of these books that draws me. Dave (the main character now, not the author) nearly dies and meets the personification of Death – a crotchety fella who maintains an office in an upscale downtown building. While Dave is lying there nearly dying, he and Death have quite a conversation, which ends with Death offering to hire him. Dave starts off working with Death’s office manager, Anne. (of course Death has an office manager!)

I don’t want to tell you the story, though; I want to tell you why I liked the first book enough to buy the rest:
There are gorgeous lines here. Dave Turner has what many authors strive for – a way with words. Dave’s roommate, Gary, is digging through the refrigerator, looking for breakfast, and Dave asks what Gary thinks about death. Gary finds a likely repast, and as he pulls it out of the fridge he replies, “God is dead and I am an insignificant speck in an uncaring universe. But there’s cheesecake.”
I can bond with that kind of logic.

I've only read three so far, but I'm looking forward to the rest. (All by itself, Conquest's wedding is worth the price of the series.)

[Catherine · Rating 5 out of 5]

Short but very sweet, with shades of Douglas Adams. Likeable, funny characters, great world-building, and a good story with so much potential for the next book. Glad I wasn't reading this in public as it caused more than a few snorty guffaws (never a good look). Eagerly awaiting the next instalment!

[✟Roxanne✟(Death by Book Avalanche) ☠ · Rating 4 out of 5]

4 Stars ★★★★

'You know my motto,' said Gary. 'A stranger is just an arsehole I haven't yet met'.

I must say I'm on a bit of a roll with finding books that just strike my funny bone...and I love it!

Here we meet Dave, who is a loner and an old fashioned romantic. His job is crushing his whole being and he can't bring himself to tell his colleague that he's in love with her. In an attempt to impress and be her hero he ends up having a near Death experience. Now he's part of something big, something he never knew existed...and The Grim Reaper? Well, he's just a bit of a geezer really. A geezer with great worldly advice.

'Every time you tell a lie an angel punches a unicorn in the face with a kitten.'

Death truly focuses on what's important in the world...the real big questions...

'Even though he can backflip and lightsaber duel, Yoda claims he needs to use a walking stick. What's that all about? Apart from claiming disability allowance?'

No one ever appreciates Death's efforts, like Dave, he is overworked and underpaid...so how about working together? They could have the perfect partnership...or it could just end in tears.

Random, funny, odd and weird, this short story is a great read. It was just a bit too short and ended rather abruptly. I would love to read the next books in the series.

[Tony Duxbury · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this short comedy/horror. Dave isn't happy with his life, it's going nowhere. That is until he dies and meets Death. For some reason he is sent back to live again. The Grim Reaper takes a liking to Dave, they share a few words over a pint. Dave finds he has an ability that he never wanted, he can send restless souls onward. Death is overworked and underpaid, no one appreciates his efforts. He needs help and offers Dave a job. Death isn't the best boss in the world, but for the first time in his life Dave finds fulfillment. Lovely dead-pan humour. Odd, quirky, funny. I would recommend this for a pleasant and amusing read.

[Montzalee Wittmann · Rating 5 out of 5]

Truly Death is not what I have been told! 😆

How to be Dead by Dave Turner is a look at Death and death in a different way! The main character is just as different but equally likeable that really grows in this short book! Enjoyed it tremendously!

[Rabid Readers Reviews · Rating 5 out of 5]

Dave Marwood is a great character. For a lot of people doing nothing is the easiest way to live, but Dave works hard at his apathy. We see in the novel a character that is willing to think of others before himself even in the most extreme situations. He is a guy who is living and feeling despite his efforts to the contrary. Dave has seen ghosts since he was a small child, and he seems comfortable and at peace with them—they seem rather stubbornly married to their earthly existence contrary to what other popular fiction might tell us. Dave is ideally situated to fill the job that Death proposes to him.

Death is an interesting guy. The way that Turner layers this immortal character is fascinating. Death is petulant. The human body is simply a meat puppet for the soul. They are silly and useless and yet he seems to care about making Dave understand his point of view. He needs that contact. Death is horribly busy but lives in time as though the eras are rooms in a house so that his hectic pace never ends. Death has had to distance himself from his friends and their ill-advised choices (Famine once took a wife!) so that he is only about work and chocolate biscuits. He is not infallible. As Turner says early in the novel, “Some days you are Godzilla. Other days you are Tokyo” (Kindle Location 63).

Mostly in How To Be Dead I loved the layering of truths and interlacing of humor. The style of writing speaks to Turner’s writing experience in the smooth flow and easy spirit of the characters. The ghost that Dave meets on the subway is quite happy to continue riding the train. He says that it makes him feels as though he’s alive which gives this spirit a contentment that is unique to the genre. That Dave isn’t the guy to push a subject to suit himself leaves this reader eagerly anticipating where this series will go next.

[Mike · Rating 4 out of 5]

A funny fantasy that was actually fairly funny. True, it's set in the grey, hopeless, dystopian Britain of Tom Holt, but it manages to keep a sense of humour about it.

The author's main fault as a writer is that he tends to dangle his modifiers.

Almost amusing enough for me to want to read the sequel, but I think not quite. Perhaps if it had been a full-length novel rather than a novella, it might have built up sufficient depth to hook me fully. There was some promise of that, but in the compressed space of a novella it wasn't quite fulfilled.

[Anna · Rating 3 out of 5]

Would have been a fourstar despite the lack of original ideas if the story hadn't had such a loose end ending. It kind of just stops. Not on a cliffhanger but also with no end. As if the writer had run out of paper or computer juice before the final sentence. I've said it before and I'll say it again: if you write a series, people, make sure each book stands on its own two feet.

[Lyn · Rating 4 out of 5]

A page turner

I really enjoyed this novella, it was witty and well paced with more than a nod to Mssrs. Adams and Pratchett, it hit my funny bone(s) more than a few times.
I'd like to have got my teeth into something longer and for an avaricious reader such as myself, I seemed to devour it almost as soon as I started reading it, which is a good thing because the writing style flowed well enough that I didn't notice until I came to the rather abrupt (and slightly obvious) ending. I would have liked to have read a little more of an explanation about the whole Emily saga but maybe if you're ready to suspend your disbelief on one aspect, you just have to suspend it on the whole and take it as it is.
All in all I enjoyed it and would read another in his series.

[pauline marshall · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious!

This book was actually witty, funny and full of banter! I honestly couldn't put it down or get enough of it. All of the characters stood out to me with their eccentric personality and the way they go bout looks . And the banter between Death and the main character was just so funny and lovely I was at the edge of my seat! I'm shocked this was on my shelf for a long time l.mao

[Avidreader · Rating 5 out of 5]

I'm not usually a fan of ghosts or paranormal stuff, but this book had me laughing out loud. Dave Turner's use of language and turns of phrase is priceless. I've read all four in the series. Easy, fun reads.

[Jessica Petit · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a very cute little story, with pops of dark sarcastic humor. I highly enjoyed it and am excited to read the next in the series.

[Silas Kantor · Rating 2 out of 5]

I read the first four books and finished them because I hate not finishing books, but honestly, I really don’t see what the hype about this series is. The main character is the everyday self-insert cishet white man (even named the same as the author…) trying to woo a girl he works with who seems wholly uninterested in him, but he just HAS to have her, so he keeps at it until he finally wears her down and they go out to dinner, which he of course screws up, but it’s totally okay, because even Death itself is willing to give him a do-over so he can have this woman he’s been seeking after.

The entire book was laced pretty heavily with misogyny. Melanie is treated as a sidekick who is only marginally useful in the eventual battle with a department of their job that is composed mostly of vampires, and even has a moment where The Big Strong Men are talking and she cuts in to do an “In English, please!” Honestly, I almost ended it right there, because it was clear the author didn’t care much for the female love interest besides her being just that — a female love interest. Not a character, not a person, just a trope that quite honestly felt based on some girl the author is pining for in real life or pined for in highschool.

And that’s all before we get to the main plot, which felt like it had no idea where it wanted to go. First the “enemy” are the unresolved spirits of ghosts, then it’s this department full of vampires (with no explanation as to how they exist in the first place,and the reader is left to wonder if the only vampires existent are the ones in this department, with the amount of things they’re sensitive to), then it’s one of Death’s friends, and then it’s this random amalgam of depression called The Dark, which Dave somehow seems to know all about despite never even being told its name or what it has the power to do.

Honestly, it reads like a 12-year-old’s first fanfiction — the prose isn’t bad, but the plot is full of tropes and none of the characters actually feel like characters. Everyone feels like the poster child for their respective tropes. And while there were some parts that were genuinely funny, the author’s insistence on trying to emulate Terry Pratchett’s sense of humor read exactly that way — as if he was just lifting passages from a Terry Pratchett book.

With some work, Turner’s books could be readable… but as of right now, they’re little more than a pubescent boy’s fantasies in a legible format.

[Sharleen Wilson · Rating 4 out of 5]

What an entertaining little read. Punchy, funny and charming. I found myself liking the lead character immediately and Death is an interesting fellow. Well with a look as an entertaining filler between some more heavy reading.

[♥ Joy Joy ♥ · Rating 4 out of 5]

The story is a little slow on moving the plot along, but the comedy makes up for it. Short but hilarious.

[Zoe Dingwall · Rating 4 out of 5]

my only complaint is I wish it were longer!!

[Sammi · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved every page, indeed every sentence, and didn’t want it to end… thankfully I have 2 & 3 to read now!
The humour especially is right up my street, so, with that and the excellent story-telling, I’ve been smiling at every word

[Mel Hing · Rating 5 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this. It fairly romps along keeping you turning the pages. Its humorous, clever and light hearted (well, except for lots of people dying, but with Death himself as one of the major characters, what else would you expect?)
If you like Tom Holt and Robert Rankin, you'll like this!

[Hello · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious

[Hazel Spencer · Rating 4 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this story, funny and very English humour, I look forward to reading the others in the series :)

[Noah Sturdevant · Rating 5 out of 5]

I don't know how I never stumbled on this series before, but I'm glad I did. There's a lot crammed into such a small book and I'm looking forward to the next one.

[Sian Taylor · Rating 4 out of 5]

For fans of Ben Aaronovitch and Jodi Taylor, this is a brilliant little book.

Some have compared it to Terry Pratchett, but I don't see the similarities really. Death is personified, in the same way as TP's books, and that's about it.

Enjoyable, easy to read, with hints of what's to come in the later books - can't wait to read them.

[Parmy Violet · Rating 4 out of 5]

This is a very short book (less than a hundred pages) and is the first in what is currently a 5 book book long series.

The books protagonist is a man named Dave Marwood. Dave is a fairly predictable character, he works in an office in London, fancies his co-worker Melanie, and shares his apartment with a conspiracy theory obsessed, unemployed man named Gary. Nothing exciting or unusual seems to happen in his life, until Halloween night.

He goes out to celebrate Halloween with a friend when he runs into a drunk Melanie. He takes this opportunity to speak to her and hopefully work up the courage to ask her on a date. All is going well until Melanie drunkenly stumbles out in front of an oncoming vehicle. Dave pushes her out of the way to save her life, but he gets hit by the car and killed instead.

This is where we are introduced to the first of the Four Horsemen, Death. He loves tea and biscuits, believes that chocolate Hobnobs are humans best invention, and seems to be very very bad at his job. He grants Dave a second chance at life, and gives him his business card with the address of his office printed on it.

When Dave wakes up in hospital he tries to convince himself that it was all a dream, but as the days pass by it becomes increasingly obvious that was not the case.

I was originally expecting this to be a poor copy of Sir Terry Pratchett's work, but I was very wrong. This book may draw done influence from Discworld, but it definitely stands out on its own. I would highly recommend this book to anyone who wants to read something silly and quite humerus, this is the only book to have ever made me laugh out loud! This was the first book I have read by Dave Turner but I have already dived into the second book in the series and will definitely read more of his work in the future.

[Doomscribe · Rating 4 out of 5]

How To Be Dead by Dave Turner is a short and snappy humorous urban fantasy novella.

To start with, I’d like to say that I found this novella genuinely funny. Perhaps not quite laugh out loud, but I found myself internally chuckling a fair bit. The world building feels not too dissimilar from a Tom Holt book – pairing the supernatural with the mundane in an ironic fashion.

There are two protagonists: Dave, a prototypical down on his luck office schlub who just so happens to be able to see dead people; and Death, the Pratchettian personification of the grim reaper. It’s hard for me to fairly judge the character of Death, considering how impactful the Discworld novels were on my adolescence, and how iconic that version of Death is to me. I at least think Turner did an alright job of putting his own spin on the character, although I found the Death sections a little weaker.

Dave is dealing with a dead end job at a faceless and likely evil corporation, a near Death experience, and a badly timed attempt to date a co-worker. There’s not much else I can say about the plot without spoiling it – not that there’s much to spoil. There’s some mildly clever time shenanigans, and a moderately threatening ghost, but not all that much else. But it’s a short book, and the majority of the gags landed for me.

These kind of books live and die on the reader connecting with the humour within. For me, it stuck the landing, and if you’re looking for a quick humorous fantasy book with a urban fantasy setting, I’d recommend giving it a try.

Rating: 7.5/10

For reviews like this and more, visit my blog

[Charlene Goff · Rating 5 out of 5]

Deadly read

The title caught my attention and the reading was a romp in the comical insight of dearh. The character of Death is overwhelmed and adept at an occasional mistake. The reference to Keith Richards caused me to have a good belly laugh. I usually avoid reading books that are supposedly humorous. Dave Turner did an excellent job of maintaining his objective of a humorous reading adventure. Be prepared to LOL.

[MarioneTTe · Rating 4 out of 5]

A short and sweet story, How to be Dead is a great introduction to the main cast in the How to be Dead series. You'll probably blast through it in no time, but that's OK. You'll have a few decent chuckles and a good feel for the characters by the end of it. Think of it like a long prologue. One that politely reminds you to set the pot to boil and get out a few biscuits as you get your chair cushion juuuuuust right.

[Jayne Holmes · Rating 5 out of 5]

Hilarious

Loved the concept, the sense of humour and the style. Death's sarcasm is perfect. Only problem is they're too short! We need more!

[Richard Burke · Rating 4 out of 5]

Pretty well written but unfortunately it didn't tickle my funny bone ... and it's very short.

[Andrew Watts · Rating 5 out of 5]

Fantasic book and a great read

[Syber Beynon · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read all four of this series over three wonderful days.