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Tear Soup: A Recipe for Healing After Loss
If you are going to buy only one book on grief, this is the one to get! It will validate your grief experience, and you can share it with your children. You can leave it on the coffee table so others will pick it up, read it, and then better appreciate your grieving time. Grand's Cooking Tips section at the back of the book is rich with wisdom and concrete recommendations. Better than a casserole!
Hardbound; 56 full-color pages. Affirms the bereaved. Educates the un-bereaved. A building-block for children..... WINNER! of the 2001 Theologos Book Award, presented by the Association of Theological Booksellers.
Hardbound; 56 full-color pages. Affirms the bereaved. Educates the un-bereaved. A building-block for children..... WINNER! of the 2001 Theologos Book Award, presented by the Association of Theological Booksellers.
56 pages, Hardcover
First published January 1, 1999
13 people are currently reading
1332 people want to read
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 378 reviews
June 28, 2010
THE GOOD:
1. Illustrations were wonderful.
2. In the edition I have, there are 2 pages of resources for those grieving. Everything from a link to the compassionate friends (for those that have lost a child) to links for those who have miscarried or lost someone to violence. Providing the info for specific support... excellent.
3. Also at the end of the book are a few lists on how to grieve, specific to your own grief, if a friend is grieving, if you are a man and grieving, if you grieve as a couple... all the tips are relevant and helpful.
THE BAD:
I didn't think the story of Grandy and her loss was all that great, but I did appreciate what it was trying to say. My mom has terminal cancer. In anticipation of losing her, a family friend thought this book would be helpful to our son, who is 5. (and me as well, I suppose.) I skipped a lot of things when we read it. For example, illustrated in the book is a bookshelf, with all sorts of "cookbooks" for tear soup. Each cookbook is about a major traumatic event that involve loss of some sort. Murder, suicide, divorce, death of child, chronic illness, death of spouse, and so on. I did not want to explain suicide to my kid or get into child death. (He will learn about that at some point, but NOW is not the time. He cries when he sees a dead bird on the sidewalk.)
In one part of the book, Grandy is in church, even though she is mad at God, and does not understand how he could allow this loss to happen, she keeps the faith. Her religion is not specified, but this book may not be the right fit for an atheist or agnostic.
THE UGLY:
If you have to read this, or give it to someone, some great loss has occurred. And that just sucks.
:(
1. Illustrations were wonderful.
2. In the edition I have, there are 2 pages of resources for those grieving. Everything from a link to the compassionate friends (for those that have lost a child) to links for those who have miscarried or lost someone to violence. Providing the info for specific support... excellent.
3. Also at the end of the book are a few lists on how to grieve, specific to your own grief, if a friend is grieving, if you are a man and grieving, if you grieve as a couple... all the tips are relevant and helpful.
THE BAD:
I didn't think the story of Grandy and her loss was all that great, but I did appreciate what it was trying to say. My mom has terminal cancer. In anticipation of losing her, a family friend thought this book would be helpful to our son, who is 5. (and me as well, I suppose.) I skipped a lot of things when we read it. For example, illustrated in the book is a bookshelf, with all sorts of "cookbooks" for tear soup. Each cookbook is about a major traumatic event that involve loss of some sort. Murder, suicide, divorce, death of child, chronic illness, death of spouse, and so on. I did not want to explain suicide to my kid or get into child death. (He will learn about that at some point, but NOW is not the time. He cries when he sees a dead bird on the sidewalk.)
In one part of the book, Grandy is in church, even though she is mad at God, and does not understand how he could allow this loss to happen, she keeps the faith. Her religion is not specified, but this book may not be the right fit for an atheist or agnostic.
THE UGLY:
If you have to read this, or give it to someone, some great loss has occurred. And that just sucks.
:(
October 21, 2011
Unfortunately, I recently found myself needing this book due to a recent loss that has been "More than I can bear". I have re-read it several times already.
It may appear to be a children's book, but I think that adults will get the most out of it. I definately think that this is a book that adults should read WITH their children, one on one, to answer any questions that may come up.
I thought the book did a beautiful job of showing how people who are grieving are feeling, (or can expect to feel) and to show grieving people how they can get through it. (And help others along the way). I also appreciated how the book showed/told non-grievers how to help someone who is grieving.
I also liked how the book showed that you can grieve over many different things. Not just death. I think that it tells readers that it is okay to grieve over things that others may not consider "a big deal".
The pages in the back are excellent because they give very specific information about grief.
I think that this is one of those books that every home should have just in case. I would like to own a stack of these and give them out every time I think someone may be in need of them.
It may appear to be a children's book, but I think that adults will get the most out of it. I definately think that this is a book that adults should read WITH their children, one on one, to answer any questions that may come up.
I thought the book did a beautiful job of showing how people who are grieving are feeling, (or can expect to feel) and to show grieving people how they can get through it. (And help others along the way). I also appreciated how the book showed/told non-grievers how to help someone who is grieving.
I also liked how the book showed that you can grieve over many different things. Not just death. I think that it tells readers that it is okay to grieve over things that others may not consider "a big deal".
The pages in the back are excellent because they give very specific information about grief.
I think that this is one of those books that every home should have just in case. I would like to own a stack of these and give them out every time I think someone may be in need of them.
May 25, 2018
Illustrations were very nicely done. The story could have used more spices. ☺️
January 11, 2014
This book follows Grandy, an older woman, as she works through a great loss by making “tear soup”. The authors use the idea of tear soup as a metaphor for coping with grief of any kind. Cooks looking to make tear soup pick a pot that is large enough to contain their creation, which starts with a base of tears, and is augmented with ingredients like fond memories, the support of friends, and yet more tears. The difficulty of sharing grief with others is discussed. Beautiful full-page illustrations capture the pain that Grandy feels as she works through her grief, and the book ends on a positive note as she discusses different types of grief with her grandson. The book itself is not aimed at children in particular, but is written in a language that anyone can understand. 55 pages.
Resources: The book includes Grandy’s cooking tips, which deal with the uniqueness of grief to an individual. Also included are tips applicable to different “cooks”: the reader, the reader’s friend, children, men, and couples. There is small section about grief and time, a directory of where to find help, and additional resources available from the publisher.
Resources: The book includes Grandy’s cooking tips, which deal with the uniqueness of grief to an individual. Also included are tips applicable to different “cooks”: the reader, the reader’s friend, children, men, and couples. There is small section about grief and time, a directory of where to find help, and additional resources available from the publisher.
June 2, 2013
A counselor gave me a pile of books recently and this was one of them. Even though this is a picture book of relatively few pages, I think its target audience is more adult than child. The primary message is that everyone's grief is different, based on the person, the loss, etc. The book emphasizes that it is okay to cry and to feel like crap, even if other people tell you the time for "tear soup" is past.
The book had a lot of resources in the back for people who have suffered different kinds of loss, so it might be an appropriate gift for someone in a number of circumstances (especially someone with youngish children, as you could read it to them and then both get something out of it).
Even though this was a a pretty short book, it still felt like an accomplishment to read it from beginning to end, as I have not been able to read more than a few paragraphs at a time (which is apparently a common side-effect of grief, who knew?). If finishing this book leads to me being able to read again, I will come back and give it another star immediately.
The book had a lot of resources in the back for people who have suffered different kinds of loss, so it might be an appropriate gift for someone in a number of circumstances (especially someone with youngish children, as you could read it to them and then both get something out of it).
Even though this was a a pretty short book, it still felt like an accomplishment to read it from beginning to end, as I have not been able to read more than a few paragraphs at a time (which is apparently a common side-effect of grief, who knew?). If finishing this book leads to me being able to read again, I will come back and give it another star immediately.
May 23, 2014
This is a really great book for anyone who's suffered a loss. A friend showed me this book after someone gave it to her when she lost her 16 year old son. I then purchased it for another family I knew that had also lost a loved one. It is a great resource for helping children and adults alike realize that healing is a process, and it's okay to mourn, different people mourn differently, and that there is light at the end of the tunnel.
November 28, 2022
A sweet, straight-forward story about the complexity and and variables of grief. It doesn't try to fix or erase sadness, but gives ways to approach it and live with it. After the story are helpful, simple resources/guides for specific people living with loss.
The whimsical illustrations say about as much as the story.
The whimsical illustrations say about as much as the story.
March 14, 2021
This book was given to me by a very long-time friend as I am grieving the loss of my husband, making my own pot, adding to it daily.. often hourly. It’s a coping method that differs for every “cook” who needs to make it. It is beautiful written and beautifully illustrated. It is just what I needed just now.
May 24, 2010
This is the best general book on grief and the grieving process I've read. I received it as a gift after our daughter was stillborn last year. Yes, it looks like a child's picture book, but don't let it's simple format fool you. It has incredible insight into the grieving process and puts it into a simple metaphor that makes it so understandable. It helps those going through it see that they are normal, and helps those trying to be there for the grieving person understand what their loved one is going through. There were times I wished I could ask others to read it so they'd know what I was experiencing and react appropriately. So many had good intentions but said or did the wrong thing. I've considered donating copies of this to my church to give to grieving families, even though it's written from a secular perspective. I highly recommend this book to anyone grieving a loss or anyone wanting to be there for someone else.
December 4, 2017
A very sincere effort done by a family headed by Pat Schwiebert, a RN, who specializes in bereavement. A local church is using it for their "Blue Christmas" program. I think the information is solid, but can be found in other books.
It works well with an adult audience. I might try using it with elementary children who are experiencing grief.
However I have to say, as a quick read before going to bed, it was comforting and reassuring. I especially liked the illustration that had books listed with various kinds of loss.
I thought the color was dark on the illustrations and personally did not find them attractive.
It works well with an adult audience. I might try using it with elementary children who are experiencing grief.
However I have to say, as a quick read before going to bed, it was comforting and reassuring. I especially liked the illustration that had books listed with various kinds of loss.
I thought the color was dark on the illustrations and personally did not find them attractive.
Read
September 11, 2023Read as needed, you’ll know when.
———————————————————————————
“I’ve learned that grief, like a pot of soup, changes the longer it simmers and the more things you put in it. I’ve learned that sometimes people say unkind things, but they really don’t mean to hurt you. And most importantly, I’ve learned that there is something down deep within all of us ready to help us survive the things we think we can’t survive.”
———————————————————————————
“I’ve learned that grief, like a pot of soup, changes the longer it simmers and the more things you put in it. I’ve learned that sometimes people say unkind things, but they really don’t mean to hurt you. And most importantly, I’ve learned that there is something down deep within all of us ready to help us survive the things we think we can’t survive.”
January 11, 2015
I think this is a wonderful book for anyone who is afraid to grieve. Its message says it's ok and relates what one might be experiencing while others' lives continue on. I would recommend this as a gift to someone you know who might not know how to deal with grief, or to someone you know is grieving but don't know what to say to them.
June 12, 2017
I loved the analogy, pictures, and useful bullets of information. Helpful without being prescriptive.
October 31, 2022
Sweet book about grief and learning that everyone has their own journey that might be different than your own. Also to learn to be patient with yourself as you travel your own.
December 12, 2018
My high school choir teacher sent this book to me when my older brother passed away in my Junior Year of high school. It helped. And when people precious to me are dealing with loss, this is the book I share with them in hopes that it can offer some help as it did for me.
When it was stolen along with the rest of my books, I was devastated beyond words. And recently, my boyfriend gifted a new copy to me on our 4 year anniversary, knowing its value to me. It's good to be able to keep it close again.
When it was stolen along with the rest of my books, I was devastated beyond words. And recently, my boyfriend gifted a new copy to me on our 4 year anniversary, knowing its value to me. It's good to be able to keep it close again.
September 21, 2015
The intentions are good. It's true that people handle grief in different ways, and understanding and compassion are needed. The resources are helpful. But the book and its illustrations are too sentimental and cloying for my taste. The tear soup analogy gets tiresome. I see that many people love this book, so it may be worth a look to see if it would fill a need for you or someone you know.
May 22, 2020
GREAT book on grief. Probably best suited for older children and even adults.
October 8, 2022
3.7
The bad part is, if you’re checking out this book, you’re probably grieving. I just lost my sister, who was my best bud. Man is it hard. My life is different now. It’s not right; it’s strange, and not in a good way. But the cliche that time helps, is true, and it’s getting a little easier each day. I can pay attention better now, and I’m gradually rejoining the world, including Goodreads.
My niece recommended this kid’s picture book, and I balked at first. (Hint: it’s really an adult book, too.) The title, the pictures, and the writing style—the whole presentation, in fact—is exactly like the big book with huge glossy illustrations that you’d read to your kid at night. I wasn’t thrilled with its childish, wholesome, self-help vibe. And personally, I have trouble with the word "healing" in the book title, I guess because it's overused in self-help books (I brace myself for unwanted woo-woo advice) and because I think it's hard to "heal"--but that's a whole other discussion. So yes, I resisted, even as I started reading. It was hard for this cynic to digest at first. It is so not my style.
But damn if this book didn’t help a little. The analogy of a grandma making tear soup was clever. The full-page illustrations added a lot and made it like a fairy tale. Thoughts are skillfully distilled into simple sentences, which makes it such a good book for kids, too. There were nuggets of wisdom, and I found the gentle tone soothing.
The writers obviously understand grief. They put into words all the permutations of grief—your huge emotions, your (sometimes rash) actions, the strange sense of time, the constant flood of memories, the need to be alone, the need to not be alone, the cloud that surrounds you. There was validation, and a good warm feeling that someone really gets it. The authors understand and respect the fragile state of being that follows your loss.
After the story ends, there are long, helpful lists, with titles such as “If a Child Is the Cook” and “If There Are Two of You Cooking.” There’s also a comprehensive list of resources describing where to find help.
Complaint Board: I wasn’t crazy about the style of illustration, but no biggie. There were a few pages of God talk, which I didn’t like. I also didn’t like a list at the end called “If You Are a Male Chef.” If I were a guy, I’d be insulted.
This is a nice little book that can be read in one sitting. A good gift for anyone who has just lost someone close.
The bad part is, if you’re checking out this book, you’re probably grieving. I just lost my sister, who was my best bud. Man is it hard. My life is different now. It’s not right; it’s strange, and not in a good way. But the cliche that time helps, is true, and it’s getting a little easier each day. I can pay attention better now, and I’m gradually rejoining the world, including Goodreads.
My niece recommended this kid’s picture book, and I balked at first. (Hint: it’s really an adult book, too.) The title, the pictures, and the writing style—the whole presentation, in fact—is exactly like the big book with huge glossy illustrations that you’d read to your kid at night. I wasn’t thrilled with its childish, wholesome, self-help vibe. And personally, I have trouble with the word "healing" in the book title, I guess because it's overused in self-help books (I brace myself for unwanted woo-woo advice) and because I think it's hard to "heal"--but that's a whole other discussion. So yes, I resisted, even as I started reading. It was hard for this cynic to digest at first. It is so not my style.
But damn if this book didn’t help a little. The analogy of a grandma making tear soup was clever. The full-page illustrations added a lot and made it like a fairy tale. Thoughts are skillfully distilled into simple sentences, which makes it such a good book for kids, too. There were nuggets of wisdom, and I found the gentle tone soothing.
The writers obviously understand grief. They put into words all the permutations of grief—your huge emotions, your (sometimes rash) actions, the strange sense of time, the constant flood of memories, the need to be alone, the need to not be alone, the cloud that surrounds you. There was validation, and a good warm feeling that someone really gets it. The authors understand and respect the fragile state of being that follows your loss.
After the story ends, there are long, helpful lists, with titles such as “If a Child Is the Cook” and “If There Are Two of You Cooking.” There’s also a comprehensive list of resources describing where to find help.
Complaint Board: I wasn’t crazy about the style of illustration, but no biggie. There were a few pages of God talk, which I didn’t like. I also didn’t like a list at the end called “If You Are a Male Chef.” If I were a guy, I’d be insulted.
This is a nice little book that can be read in one sitting. A good gift for anyone who has just lost someone close.
February 16, 2023
I hate to say this book was wonderful as it deals with such a gut wrenching topic, however, it was just what I needed. It is so incredibly difficult to deal with grief but this helped. I know I will be reading it multiple times before returning it to the library and my daughter will as well. I appreciated how Bills offered examples of how people grieve differently as well as offering gentle suggestions for those who come alongside and support the ones who are grieving. The illustrations were very nicely done and my daughter and I loved the little things included in them - the dog, the writings on clothing, dishes, etc. The little details. I would recommend this to anyone suffering a loss - this is not simply a child's book there is plenty to offer adults as well.
March 16, 2025
I loved this book. Having recently suffering a great loss, the message about grieving in Tear Soup was so very meaningful. Comparing the cooking of tear soup to the grieving process was so well done. Gorgeous illustrations in this book, but this message is for adults - not a children's book. I don’t think kids would understand the significance.
So many good messages about how grief is different for everyone and that there is no time line for you to move on. And the messages about friends who support you were especially poignant. I have read it multiple times and will continue to read it as time goes on. Each read seems to highlight a new message for me.
I will definitely keep this book in mind to buy for friends who come into great loss in the future.
So many good messages about how grief is different for everyone and that there is no time line for you to move on. And the messages about friends who support you were especially poignant. I have read it multiple times and will continue to read it as time goes on. Each read seems to highlight a new message for me.
I will definitely keep this book in mind to buy for friends who come into great loss in the future.
January 4, 2018
Very relatable. I think this book would be great to use in any type of grief group and to do an activity.
December 13, 2022
This book was donated to our library for the community after the loss of a local teen boy in an accident. So I sat and read the book. It was a pretty good book on dealing with grief your own way.
January 10, 2026
Tristan’s counselor gave him this book to read to help him process and understand the loss of our son. I finally just read it. It’s perfect description for anyone going through or supporting someone in grief. Everyone’s soup will taste different and that’s ok.
September 9, 2021
Helpful for children and adults to acknowledge the process of grief.
August 14, 2025
A beautiful children's book for anyone dealing with loss. Encouraging, useful, and one I will share with family and friends.
April 24, 2009
This book is not just for children even though it is picture-book style.
It is about dealing with grief and loss. It is beautifully written and illustrated. Grief is an individual thing and whether you are grieving or know someone who is, this book makes you feel that whatver you are feeling is ok. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. No timetable.
Wayne's sister sent this to me and I received it today. I have already read it twice. It has been 3 months since I lost my mom and I feel like other people want me to be over it, but since I'm not I have felt guilty.
I guess I will be making my Tear Soup for a while longer.
It is about dealing with grief and loss. It is beautifully written and illustrated. Grief is an individual thing and whether you are grieving or know someone who is, this book makes you feel that whatver you are feeling is ok. There is no right way or wrong way to grieve. No timetable.
Wayne's sister sent this to me and I received it today. I have already read it twice. It has been 3 months since I lost my mom and I feel like other people want me to be over it, but since I'm not I have felt guilty.
I guess I will be making my Tear Soup for a while longer.
December 20, 2011
What can I say, I have suffered a loss and the owner of an independent book store recommended this title to my daughter. I liked the illustrations and it was good to see the use of the word concrete within the text as that is where I feel I have been in concrete and this is the only book/article I have encountered that uses the word concrete in relation to grief. Also the text is the right length because in the beginning of the grief process one doesn't want to or can't focus for any length of time.
September 3, 2016
A very helpful book. At first I thought it was annoying and insipid, but the more I read it, the more I realized it was designed for someone exactly like me--a skeptical and irritable mourner who needed a soft and accessible channel to start healing from grief. Contains helpful tips not just for mourners but the people who love them. Especially good for the early days of grief when attention spans are short and the desire to tackle long-term projects, even chapter books, can be overwhelming. Written by a nurse practitioner who knows her shit.
April 27, 2015
What a heartbreaking story. A friend gave this to Marci, and I decided to read it earlier today, as we mourn the fact that today marks one month since Bill left us. There is so much that this book gets exactly. right. My ONLY complaint is that, as usual, there are no examples in the book - text or illustrative - or in the resources provided at the back, that reference the loss of a sibling. WHY is our grief so.... unsung? Anyway, I do recommend this book - to everyone, but especially those of you who have been or are grieving any kind of loss.
August 14, 2009
A grief counselor told me about this book and it's a book you'll want to read and reread. It approaches the grieving process in a unique way with so much wisdom and understanding. Grandy has just suffered a big loss in her life and, as she cooks up her own unique batch of "tear soup," she explains that everyone must grieve in their own way and make their own "tear soup." The full page illustrations are beautiful and this is a perfect gift for anyone who has experienced a loss.
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