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Quiet Kids: Help Your Introverted Child Succeed in an Extroverted World
Being an introverted child is difficult, especially in an ever-increasingly noisy world. Often viewed as aloof, unmotivated or conceited, introverted children are deeply misunderstood by parents, educators and even their peers. That's where Quiet Kids: Help Your Introverted Child Succeed in an Extroverted World comes in. Designed to provide parents with a blueprint for not only understanding the nature of introversion, Quiet Kids provides specific strategies to teach their children how to thrive in a world that may not understand them. Presented in an easy-to-read, conversational style, the book uses real-world examples and stories from introverts and parents to show parents and educators how to help children develop resiliency and enhance the positive qualities of being an introvert. With specific strategies to address academic performance, bullying, and resiliency, Quiet Kids is a must read for anyone wishing to enhance the lives of introverted children.
210 pages, Kindle Edition
First published October 1, 2013
38 people are currently reading
521 people want to read
About the author
Christine Fonseca
40 books390 followersChristine Fonseca is a bestselling author, licensed educational psychologist, and mentor for deep-feeling creatives. For more than three decades, she has guided artists, writers, and visionaries to embrace their emotional intensity, reclaim their creative fire, and cultivate a practice that is both sustainable and soulful.
Renowned for her pioneering work in emotional intensity, creative empowerment, and somatic writing, Christine dismantles the myth that sensitivity is weakness. Instead, she reveals it as a source of artistry, leadership, and transformation. Her voice is equal parts poetic and practical, timeless and magnetic — inviting readers into a deeper relationship with their art, their body, and themselves.
Christine’s books and teachings have touched audiences across the globe and been featured in Psychology Today, Parents.com, The Neurodiversity Podcast, and on international stages. She is the author of multiple bestselling works, including Nevertheless, Create: Art, Intensity, and the Practice of Showing Up; Write Through: Feeling Your Way to the Page; and Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings
For more information, visit her website - www.christinefonseca.com
Renowned for her pioneering work in emotional intensity, creative empowerment, and somatic writing, Christine dismantles the myth that sensitivity is weakness. Instead, she reveals it as a source of artistry, leadership, and transformation. Her voice is equal parts poetic and practical, timeless and magnetic — inviting readers into a deeper relationship with their art, their body, and themselves.
Christine’s books and teachings have touched audiences across the globe and been featured in Psychology Today, Parents.com, The Neurodiversity Podcast, and on international stages. She is the author of multiple bestselling works, including Nevertheless, Create: Art, Intensity, and the Practice of Showing Up; Write Through: Feeling Your Way to the Page; and Emotional Intensity in Gifted Students: Helping Kids Cope with Explosive Feelings
For more information, visit her website - www.christinefonseca.com
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 39 reviews
January 30, 2014
It’s easy to ignore the kid in the back of the room, the car, the corner who is seemingly content to play by themselves, read alone, watch television in solitary. They never scream out for help. They do not often cause any scene. They are content with isolation, preferring solitary endeavor.
The character of the introvert is complicated. In general, the introvert is more concerned with the inner workings of the mind. They are introspective and contemplative. They are content being by themselves. They often are recharged being alone. In reality, a true introvert may be energy-drained surrounded by people.
It really should not come as a surprise that over 60% of the gifted population is comprised of introverts. This presents a challenge not only to parents and family members of the introverted, but to the teachers of these students as well.
As a school psychologist, Fonseca gives tremendous perspective into the character of the introverted child and valuable insight into the strengths and weaknesses of which we all need to be aware. She contributes a wealth of knowledge, ideas, and suggestions to use in helping the introverted child succeed academically, behaviorally, and socially.
The character of the introvert is complicated. In general, the introvert is more concerned with the inner workings of the mind. They are introspective and contemplative. They are content being by themselves. They often are recharged being alone. In reality, a true introvert may be energy-drained surrounded by people.
It really should not come as a surprise that over 60% of the gifted population is comprised of introverts. This presents a challenge not only to parents and family members of the introverted, but to the teachers of these students as well.
As a school psychologist, Fonseca gives tremendous perspective into the character of the introverted child and valuable insight into the strengths and weaknesses of which we all need to be aware. She contributes a wealth of knowledge, ideas, and suggestions to use in helping the introverted child succeed academically, behaviorally, and socially.
May 9, 2014
Admittedly I did not read every word in this book and mostly just skimmed it for information for a presentation that I'm doing, but I found it very helpful. The author covers a lot of topics concerning introverted children and their educational and social needs. The chapters are very reader-friendly and break information down into sections and charts, which made it easier to find the information I was looking for. It's a good resource for both parents and educators who wish to learn more about meeting the needs of introverted children.
April 3, 2013
I am so excited to bring this book to all of you. It is packed with information and research that helps parents understand and support the introverts in their lives. Conducting the research and writing this book even gave me additional insight to my introverted daughter, introverted spouse and myself. I am so thankful for the opportunity to both write the book and give it to all of you!
December 11, 2019
Lots of great thoughts, but little to no practical steps.
Never had it occurred to me that the world is more geared toward extroverts than introverts, but it is amazingly true. Schools, churches, many jobs are geared toward those who are extroverted and essentially, subconsciously tell introverts they need to work on their extrovert skills.
This book opened a lot of thoughts on introverted tendencies. My husband and I are both introverts with 2 introverts and 2 extrovert kids. Which I have adapted a lot toward extrovertedness, this book certainly opened my eyes to the fact that it is a temperament that will always be mine. And there’s nothing wrong with it! One is not better than another. They just need different things. I love this outlook.
However I found the book repetitive. She consistently writes, “like I said before” or something similar nearly every page. The overall concept is eye opening if you’ve never studied the two temperaments much, but otherwise, the practicality was lacking for me.
Some of the tips for parenting introverts were basic good parenting techniques. Nothing new. Sometimes the answer was “healthy habits” like a good diet and sleep patterns. Um, that’s just human need! I don’t see how that is specifically better for introverts than any other human.
Same with the classroom techniques. They are high minded with little to no practical ideas for application. Example: “Focus on process, instead of grades and testing.” But unfortunately that’s not how the school system is set up. That works for homeschoolers like me but there were no practical ideas on how to make it happen.
The quizzes weren’t useful, and I agree with another review who said they borderline on condescending.
Lastly I think it would have been helpful if in the subtitle, it explained that this was parents and teachers. I am a homeschooling parent so both sections work for me, but if I was only a parent, half of the book would have been less helpful for me.
Never had it occurred to me that the world is more geared toward extroverts than introverts, but it is amazingly true. Schools, churches, many jobs are geared toward those who are extroverted and essentially, subconsciously tell introverts they need to work on their extrovert skills.
This book opened a lot of thoughts on introverted tendencies. My husband and I are both introverts with 2 introverts and 2 extrovert kids. Which I have adapted a lot toward extrovertedness, this book certainly opened my eyes to the fact that it is a temperament that will always be mine. And there’s nothing wrong with it! One is not better than another. They just need different things. I love this outlook.
However I found the book repetitive. She consistently writes, “like I said before” or something similar nearly every page. The overall concept is eye opening if you’ve never studied the two temperaments much, but otherwise, the practicality was lacking for me.
Some of the tips for parenting introverts were basic good parenting techniques. Nothing new. Sometimes the answer was “healthy habits” like a good diet and sleep patterns. Um, that’s just human need! I don’t see how that is specifically better for introverts than any other human.
Same with the classroom techniques. They are high minded with little to no practical ideas for application. Example: “Focus on process, instead of grades and testing.” But unfortunately that’s not how the school system is set up. That works for homeschoolers like me but there were no practical ideas on how to make it happen.
The quizzes weren’t useful, and I agree with another review who said they borderline on condescending.
Lastly I think it would have been helpful if in the subtitle, it explained that this was parents and teachers. I am a homeschooling parent so both sections work for me, but if I was only a parent, half of the book would have been less helpful for me.
July 22, 2022
As an extrovert who has done very little reading on introverts, this was helpful! I have at least two introvert children and now feel better equipped to help them embrace who they are and get what they need! I wish all my kids teachers would read bc each section had very helpful tips and info for teachers!
October 12, 2019
I think this book would be most beneficial to teachers and to parents of children who are absolutely introverted. I picked it up because I thought my son is and it would be interesting, but I’m not 100% sure now that I read this :-)
September 3, 2016
If I could give Quiet Kids a star for each dog eared or annotated page in my now worn, smudged, thumbed, bent copy, I would owe it dozens of stars. This book is approachable, practical, helpful, and so insightful. I began it with my introverted (though hardly "quiet") five-year-old son in mind, but ended up learning just as much about my(introverted)self.
The book is divided into just-the-right-size chapters, and subdivided into sections: the main content, class notes that are aimed towards classroom teachers, a q&a based on Fonseca's professional interactions with parents in focus groups and workshops, and a nutshell summary reviewing major points and itemizing the many tip sheets, questionnaires, worksheets, and figures placed strategically throughout each chapter. I really appreciated this organizational structure- it made reading the book enjoyable and kept me from getting overwhelmed.
Fonseca covers so much here, including things I never would have thought about being significant for an introvert. It drives me crazy to come home after a busy day at work and have my kids pitch questions and demands at me a mile a minute. I thought I was grumpy. Turns out, introverts need downtime to process and renew- I'm just being an introvert (ok, perhaps a grumpy introvert). Now I know to give my son the same space I need to keep from becoming overwhelmed. Other lightbulb ideas from Quiet Kids: introverts need structure and predictability; introverted kids do much better with positive discipline; just because your introverted child doesn't respond to you doesn't mean he's not listening and taking in what you're saying. He might just need a little time to gather his thoughts. As an introvert who has never actually read about introversion, all of Fonseca's insights are new to me but also make so much sense, mesh so thoroughly with my own experiences, just in ways I never realized or had articulated before. Now I can put this all together and be a bit more compassionate with my son, and even myself, and get cracking in making my household more introvert friendly. Fonseca even addresses mixed temperament households, giving me some tips on what to do about my most certainly NON-introverted daughters, how to make things work a bit better for all of us.
Introverts and parents of introverts really need to read this book. Others will gain insight as well. I give it... 46 stars!
I was most fortunate to receive a complimentary review copy of this book through GoodReads FirstReads.
The book is divided into just-the-right-size chapters, and subdivided into sections: the main content, class notes that are aimed towards classroom teachers, a q&a based on Fonseca's professional interactions with parents in focus groups and workshops, and a nutshell summary reviewing major points and itemizing the many tip sheets, questionnaires, worksheets, and figures placed strategically throughout each chapter. I really appreciated this organizational structure- it made reading the book enjoyable and kept me from getting overwhelmed.
Fonseca covers so much here, including things I never would have thought about being significant for an introvert. It drives me crazy to come home after a busy day at work and have my kids pitch questions and demands at me a mile a minute. I thought I was grumpy. Turns out, introverts need downtime to process and renew- I'm just being an introvert (ok, perhaps a grumpy introvert). Now I know to give my son the same space I need to keep from becoming overwhelmed. Other lightbulb ideas from Quiet Kids: introverts need structure and predictability; introverted kids do much better with positive discipline; just because your introverted child doesn't respond to you doesn't mean he's not listening and taking in what you're saying. He might just need a little time to gather his thoughts. As an introvert who has never actually read about introversion, all of Fonseca's insights are new to me but also make so much sense, mesh so thoroughly with my own experiences, just in ways I never realized or had articulated before. Now I can put this all together and be a bit more compassionate with my son, and even myself, and get cracking in making my household more introvert friendly. Fonseca even addresses mixed temperament households, giving me some tips on what to do about my most certainly NON-introverted daughters, how to make things work a bit better for all of us.
Introverts and parents of introverts really need to read this book. Others will gain insight as well. I give it... 46 stars!
I was most fortunate to receive a complimentary review copy of this book through GoodReads FirstReads.
September 8, 2015
First couples of chapters are good. From psychology and bio perspective, Extroverts and Introverts are hardwired differently. Each has their own strenghs. Extroversion and Introversion are different temperaments. They don't change with time. Only the learned patterns of response change. Do not confuse introverts with shyness. Shyness can be changed through practice and experiences. They are part of personalities which can be changed.
The biggest difference between extroverts and introverts are their energy source. Extroverts recharge their energy by connecting to people, surrounded by people. Introverts are the opposite. They get tired by noisy environment. They recharge themselves by spending some quiet time, alone time, down time after a busy day, during a party, etc. Otherwise, their behaviors will change (emotional meltdown).
Introverts strength lies in: deep thinking, good listeners, think thoroughly before talk, works well independently, creative, builds deep connections and relationship.
But they also have problems like: preference to keep to themselves, not comfortable to express feelings, long fuse for emotional burst (harder to detect at early stage).
Introverts like expected routines (boundaries, disciplines), mastery over their world / autonomy (give them their own space), alone down time to recharge (avoid busy non-stop schedules).
Introverts typically have difficulty in work which requires quick action, or when they need to ask for help / confrontation.
As parent, we need to create family foundations, build trust, teach them to regulate their moods. We also need to teach them how to let go, how to calm down (deep breath, leave the scene, look for space allowing reflection time, etc.), problem solving skills and social competency skills (initiating a talk, etc.). Regular family meetings that encourage them to speak might help. We also need to help kids to know their own strengths, realize people are different. We also need to advocate / work with schools to recognize introverts kids need (balanced environment, teaching style, activities that involve innovation, etc.).
This book is more geared towards parents with kids 8 yrs and up. Addressed several issues for older kids and teens. Still helpful for parents with younger kids. Knowing extroverts and introverts temperament, it's helpful when addressing specific situations.
The biggest difference between extroverts and introverts are their energy source. Extroverts recharge their energy by connecting to people, surrounded by people. Introverts are the opposite. They get tired by noisy environment. They recharge themselves by spending some quiet time, alone time, down time after a busy day, during a party, etc. Otherwise, their behaviors will change (emotional meltdown).
Introverts strength lies in: deep thinking, good listeners, think thoroughly before talk, works well independently, creative, builds deep connections and relationship.
But they also have problems like: preference to keep to themselves, not comfortable to express feelings, long fuse for emotional burst (harder to detect at early stage).
Introverts like expected routines (boundaries, disciplines), mastery over their world / autonomy (give them their own space), alone down time to recharge (avoid busy non-stop schedules).
Introverts typically have difficulty in work which requires quick action, or when they need to ask for help / confrontation.
As parent, we need to create family foundations, build trust, teach them to regulate their moods. We also need to teach them how to let go, how to calm down (deep breath, leave the scene, look for space allowing reflection time, etc.), problem solving skills and social competency skills (initiating a talk, etc.). Regular family meetings that encourage them to speak might help. We also need to help kids to know their own strengths, realize people are different. We also need to advocate / work with schools to recognize introverts kids need (balanced environment, teaching style, activities that involve innovation, etc.).
This book is more geared towards parents with kids 8 yrs and up. Addressed several issues for older kids and teens. Still helpful for parents with younger kids. Knowing extroverts and introverts temperament, it's helpful when addressing specific situations.
September 13, 2016
I received my copy as a Goodreads First Read.
Oh my goodness.
Reading Fonesca's Quiet Kids was a surreal experience as I saw my own childhood and academic experiences laid out before my eyes.
First, a side note. When I first was contacted regarding my copy I was intrigued by the concept of reading something positive about introversion, a rarity in my experience. Then, the book didn't arrive. I was disappointed but, in apparently true introverted fashion, didn't want to make waves so I sadly chalked it up as a loss and tried to forget about it. Imagine, my surprise when I was contacted again and told there had been some issues with shipping and was I still interested! This book was certainly worth the wait.
Fonesca's book is cleanly laid out with clear summaries and textually inserts that make referencing and quick location of topics easy for readers. A definite plus if you need to find your information in a timely manner, which I've found is a bonus when working with children, adolescents, or their parents.
The material itself is thorough - ranging from biology to theory, to practical outworking in and out of the home. Don't let the title fool you either, although the material is focused on children the information can be equally revealing for working and living with any introvert.
As a die hard researcher, I also found the further readings and resources at the end useful for further research (and must confess I'm now quite interested in locating another title by the author which was mentioned).
While my own child is a little too young to say which way he'll lean on the introverted/extroverted scale, with 2 confirmed introverts in our household already, Fonesca's book is a valuable resource and I'll definitely be recommending it to others.
Oh my goodness.
Reading Fonesca's Quiet Kids was a surreal experience as I saw my own childhood and academic experiences laid out before my eyes.
First, a side note. When I first was contacted regarding my copy I was intrigued by the concept of reading something positive about introversion, a rarity in my experience. Then, the book didn't arrive. I was disappointed but, in apparently true introverted fashion, didn't want to make waves so I sadly chalked it up as a loss and tried to forget about it. Imagine, my surprise when I was contacted again and told there had been some issues with shipping and was I still interested! This book was certainly worth the wait.
Fonesca's book is cleanly laid out with clear summaries and textually inserts that make referencing and quick location of topics easy for readers. A definite plus if you need to find your information in a timely manner, which I've found is a bonus when working with children, adolescents, or their parents.
The material itself is thorough - ranging from biology to theory, to practical outworking in and out of the home. Don't let the title fool you either, although the material is focused on children the information can be equally revealing for working and living with any introvert.
As a die hard researcher, I also found the further readings and resources at the end useful for further research (and must confess I'm now quite interested in locating another title by the author which was mentioned).
While my own child is a little too young to say which way he'll lean on the introverted/extroverted scale, with 2 confirmed introverts in our household already, Fonesca's book is a valuable resource and I'll definitely be recommending it to others.
September 21, 2015
I'm not an introvert and yet I'm the parent of two introverted children. I know and understand that my kids prefer their own company over large groups, but I feel like I'm walking a tightrope between "wanting to be alone" and "loneliness." When do I intervene? When should I leave them alone? Am I making it better? Am I making it worse?
Quiet Kids, Help your Introverted Child Succeed in an Extroverted World by Christine Fonseca isn't the first book I've read on this topic, but it is one of the better ones. Fonseca is a school psychologist with experience working with the children she writes about.
More workbook than book, Quiet Kids has questionnaires, worksheets and tip sheets designed to help their child succeed. This is not a one-size-fits-all solution, but individualized for each child, which I loved because my kids, though both introverts, handle it differently. One can be quite talkative when around people he's comfortable with while the other rarely says a word, even when with family and close friends.
The education system, and quite frankly the world at large, is designed to celebrate outgoing individuals while the quiet ones are ignored. With a new school year beginning soon, it's my hope my kids and I will use the strategies in this book to help them find success on their terms.
Quiet Kids, Help your Introverted Child Succeed in an Extroverted World by Christine Fonseca isn't the first book I've read on this topic, but it is one of the better ones. Fonseca is a school psychologist with experience working with the children she writes about.
More workbook than book, Quiet Kids has questionnaires, worksheets and tip sheets designed to help their child succeed. This is not a one-size-fits-all solution, but individualized for each child, which I loved because my kids, though both introverts, handle it differently. One can be quite talkative when around people he's comfortable with while the other rarely says a word, even when with family and close friends.
The education system, and quite frankly the world at large, is designed to celebrate outgoing individuals while the quiet ones are ignored. With a new school year beginning soon, it's my hope my kids and I will use the strategies in this book to help them find success on their terms.
March 13, 2015
This book is very well written and a great resource tool as well that I am sure I will re-read it over and over again. I am an introvert and so is my young son whose teachers think he is lazy and not interested in school but he is overwhelmed at times. His teacher even mentioned to me that when she is admonishing another student in the class my son seems to take that on board as well and is reluctant to ask for assistance and seems to space out in class as he is extremely shy and reserved.
It definitely challenged my way of thinking as I was under the misapprehension of thinking he need to be "more outgoing and have more friends" and putting unnecessary pressure on him to achieve that goal. Thank you so much for giving me the tools to help him be himself and not feel like he has to change to be accepted.
The other kids views and personal stories added to the belief that introverts do view the world differently and we all need to do things to recharge our batteries - for me it is quiet time reading a book to unwind after a hard week at work. Even if you are an extrovert this book will give you the understanding to not pre-judge others and to glimpse what it is like to live in the world of an introvert, be it your husband, wife or another family member,
It definitely challenged my way of thinking as I was under the misapprehension of thinking he need to be "more outgoing and have more friends" and putting unnecessary pressure on him to achieve that goal. Thank you so much for giving me the tools to help him be himself and not feel like he has to change to be accepted.
The other kids views and personal stories added to the belief that introverts do view the world differently and we all need to do things to recharge our batteries - for me it is quiet time reading a book to unwind after a hard week at work. Even if you are an extrovert this book will give you the understanding to not pre-judge others and to glimpse what it is like to live in the world of an introvert, be it your husband, wife or another family member,
July 24, 2016
Today's Gram's pick is a non-fiction book that covers the important topic of understanding and helping an introverted child succeed in our extroverted world. The assumption is: What kid wouldn't want to be on T.V.? The reality not every child comes into the world with a desire to be out front. Does that make them lazy? Does that mean that there isn't a place for them in this world of loud, pushy go-getters?
According the Fonseca, introverts have much to offer the world and it's time we recognize those strengths and instead of forcing them to change who they are. To help them find their voice and place in a world where people spend less and less time developing an inner world. What do introverts have to offer as we head into the next century of fast moving, high tech innovation? Fonseca will have you changing your perspective and draw the line between introverts and being shy. There is a difference. I highly recommend this book to educators and parents.
According the Fonseca, introverts have much to offer the world and it's time we recognize those strengths and instead of forcing them to change who they are. To help them find their voice and place in a world where people spend less and less time developing an inner world. What do introverts have to offer as we head into the next century of fast moving, high tech innovation? Fonseca will have you changing your perspective and draw the line between introverts and being shy. There is a difference. I highly recommend this book to educators and parents.
February 5, 2014
As the mother of a somewhat introverted (young) child, I was excited to read this book.
I REALLY liked the layout of this book. It's set up more as a work book than a traditional book which made it easier for me to absorb the information and stay interested.
I am a very extroverted person so starting from the very beginning like this book does was incredibly helpful. It explained a lot about how my child(and my introverted husband!)look at things differently than I do. I never realized just how different introverts and extroverts look at life.
There are a lot good practical suggestions that are easy to apply to your family. This will be a book I return to as time goes on and my children get older.
I would definitely recommend this book to any parent who wants to help their child succeed in the world!
I REALLY liked the layout of this book. It's set up more as a work book than a traditional book which made it easier for me to absorb the information and stay interested.
I am a very extroverted person so starting from the very beginning like this book does was incredibly helpful. It explained a lot about how my child(and my introverted husband!)look at things differently than I do. I never realized just how different introverts and extroverts look at life.
There are a lot good practical suggestions that are easy to apply to your family. This will be a book I return to as time goes on and my children get older.
I would definitely recommend this book to any parent who wants to help their child succeed in the world!
October 6, 2013
I have a son who is an introvert and this book has answered just about every question I've ever had about him, what makes him tick, and how I can help him and interact with him. Being an introvert myself, this book also surprisingly helped me out personally as well. I found myself constantly thinking, "that's me! That's my son!" as I was reading. My main concerns with my son involve his performance at school and this book is full of wonderful suggestions on how I, as his parent, and his teachers can help him achieve success in school.
If you have an introverted child, know one, or are an introvert yourself, you definitely need to read this book!
If you have an introverted child, know one, or are an introvert yourself, you definitely need to read this book!
December 11, 2013
A wonderful, easy-to-read resource for parents and educators, QUIET KIDS gives insight into the mind, heart, and emotions of the introverted child. Written by educational psychologist Christine Fonseca, this book shares the neurological science behind introverted and extroverted temperaments, the strengths and challenges that come with each temperament, and offers personal stories, practical advice, tips, and strategies to help introverted children embrace and nurture their quiet natures and thrive in today's extroverted world. Love it!
January 12, 2015
It has taken me awhile to read this book, but I'm so glad I did! Lots of tips and pointers for parents and educators, as well as people in General!
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has any interest in temperament.
Looking into checking out some more of Fonseca's books!
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Received today, Feb 6, as the one I won in October did not arrive. Thanks for sending another copy. Looking forward to the read.
I would highly recommend this book to anyone who has any interest in temperament.
Looking into checking out some more of Fonseca's books!
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Received today, Feb 6, as the one I won in October did not arrive. Thanks for sending another copy. Looking forward to the read.
July 9, 2014
Interesting insight on the way introverts are 'wired' and how they can cope with a world that sometimes don't understand them. Every chapter has useful tips that are useful for practice in everyday life although there are some instances where more elaboration and examples, especially from real-life anecdotes, would have been better. What I like about the book is that it is easy to read, not the kind that can get too scientific or abstract.
February 3, 2014
Really informative, easy format to read, good info for parenting. As a bonus I have a better understanding of why my actions, reactions, and how my over all person is tied to being introverted.
Wish I had read this last year...it really could have helped in student-teacher relations for my son.
Wish I had read this last year...it really could have helped in student-teacher relations for my son.
February 24, 2025
If you have a child who is an introvert, or if you are an educator or coach, you should read this book. Full of practical advice.
March 16, 2022
A mixed bag. Lots of unscientific tidbits, some of which provide good food for thought.
Things the book made me think more about:
- allow introverted spouses and kids more time to decompress without being offended
- take more note of overstimulation that might lead to explosion
- introverts think a lot (is this actually statistically true? It does seem to be true anecdotally for me but I thought the big five personality traits had extroversion and neuroticism as separate traits because they are not supposed to be correlated. I should look more into this)
Things that are applicable to all kids (why does this Fonseca think it’s specific to introverts)
- hungry/sleepy kids throw tantrums
- kids need to feel safe to take risks in learning
- competition can be overwhelming
- introverts are deep thinkers
- kids need to learn resiliency
Things that I’m not sure are true:
- there is more pressure in team sports. I wonder if Fonseca has ever played tennis, judo, or fencing. Individual sports are brutal on the ego.
- introverts fear risk, rigid, and are afraid to speak up. Is this actually true? I was taught in a psych class that there are two independent dimensions to intro/extroversion. One is sociability (lose or gain energy from social situations) and one is risk taking. I thought they were independent but I could be wrong. Also the big five personality traits have extroversion and openness as separate traits and I thought those were supposed to (fairly) orthogonal).
Things I generally agree with:
- the western world is geared towards extroverts
- introverts can and want to develop deep social connections
Things the book made me think more about:
- allow introverted spouses and kids more time to decompress without being offended
- take more note of overstimulation that might lead to explosion
- introverts think a lot (is this actually statistically true? It does seem to be true anecdotally for me but I thought the big five personality traits had extroversion and neuroticism as separate traits because they are not supposed to be correlated. I should look more into this)
Things that are applicable to all kids (why does this Fonseca think it’s specific to introverts)
- hungry/sleepy kids throw tantrums
- kids need to feel safe to take risks in learning
- competition can be overwhelming
- introverts are deep thinkers
- kids need to learn resiliency
Things that I’m not sure are true:
- there is more pressure in team sports. I wonder if Fonseca has ever played tennis, judo, or fencing. Individual sports are brutal on the ego.
- introverts fear risk, rigid, and are afraid to speak up. Is this actually true? I was taught in a psych class that there are two independent dimensions to intro/extroversion. One is sociability (lose or gain energy from social situations) and one is risk taking. I thought they were independent but I could be wrong. Also the big five personality traits have extroversion and openness as separate traits and I thought those were supposed to (fairly) orthogonal).
Things I generally agree with:
- the western world is geared towards extroverts
- introverts can and want to develop deep social connections
August 25, 2019
3.5 stars
There were definitely helpful parts to this book. I enjoyed the beginning as it talked a lot about the biological component of being either introverted or extroverted and how brain chemistry plays into it all. There were some useful strategies for how to help introverted children navigate their own stress and function well with their extroverted family members.
My biggest take away was actually understanding my extroverted daughters needs a bit better and seeing the ways that my home may not be meeting those needs.
The book started to feel repetitive and I found myself skimming the last bit. Because I had a solid foundation in knowing about introversion and extroversion and saw both as having positive and negative traits, I found her repeated emphasizing that introversion isn't bad and it's such a good thing both redundant and obnoxious.
There were definitely helpful parts to this book. I enjoyed the beginning as it talked a lot about the biological component of being either introverted or extroverted and how brain chemistry plays into it all. There were some useful strategies for how to help introverted children navigate their own stress and function well with their extroverted family members.
My biggest take away was actually understanding my extroverted daughters needs a bit better and seeing the ways that my home may not be meeting those needs.
The book started to feel repetitive and I found myself skimming the last bit. Because I had a solid foundation in knowing about introversion and extroversion and saw both as having positive and negative traits, I found her repeated emphasizing that introversion isn't bad and it's such a good thing both redundant and obnoxious.
July 22, 2018
Personally, I would give 3 stars to this review due to my own interest level, but as this was chosen for me to read for a class, I do not want to negatively affect the rating.
I read this book for class (about TAG students).
A pretty quick to read book with short chapters chunking tips for helping introverts succeed, and helping parents understand what the introvert experiences/why they react the way they do.
It's interesting and informative. I felt that as an introvert most of this information was very obvious, but I would imagine that an extroverted parent would find many parts helpful (especially chapters 2 and 4).
I liked the format where Fonesca presents new information, has a section for how Teachers can help, and then has a Q&A with some questions from parents. I did however feel like the Q&A became repetitive with the questions and reassurances.
I read this book for class (about TAG students).
A pretty quick to read book with short chapters chunking tips for helping introverts succeed, and helping parents understand what the introvert experiences/why they react the way they do.
It's interesting and informative. I felt that as an introvert most of this information was very obvious, but I would imagine that an extroverted parent would find many parts helpful (especially chapters 2 and 4).
I liked the format where Fonesca presents new information, has a section for how Teachers can help, and then has a Q&A with some questions from parents. I did however feel like the Q&A became repetitive with the questions and reassurances.
July 28, 2025
I really liked reading this. I wanted to read this to help my child that is quiet and struggles in public school settings to help her integrate back into high school. It opened my eyes to some of the characteristics of an introvert that I thought were learned traits from my own childhood. Instead I realized that I'm a textbook introvert. I didn't feel like there was a single scenario that didn't describe exactly how my internal thoughts develop and my external reactions play out. I know that I'm an introvert, but this helped me feel more normal, like there are other people that think and live this way, and it's ok. I was hoping this book would give me more tools to help my daughter, but what it comes down to is that introverts need recoup alone time to recenter, which I already knew.
August 21, 2018
This book helped me understand my child better and what i can do to help her. This booked provides a lot of actionable items which we can try. Must read for any parent who wants to help their introverted child
This book helped me understand my child better and what i can do to help her. This booked provides a lot of actionable items which we can try. Must read for any parent who wants to help their introverted child
This book helped me understand my child better and what i can do to help her. This booked provides a lot of actionable items which we can try. Must read for any parent who wants to help their introverted child
August 14, 2019
A helpful book to flick through. Very repetitive at times with unnecessary chapter summaries. I felt the book might prove handy as I work with young children who can't always vocalise their needs.
The author speaks of her own experiences as a young child which I felt wasn't needed at times as it stole the focus of the chapter. Also one could question the reliability, as it relied on memory and her own biases. I've not read books regarding quiet, introverted children. But, I do feel that it needed to be said that not all introverts are quiet individuals. Just as it needed to be said that introverted children are a lot like introverted adults- which, in a way, negates the purpose of this book.
The author speaks of her own experiences as a young child which I felt wasn't needed at times as it stole the focus of the chapter. Also one could question the reliability, as it relied on memory and her own biases. I've not read books regarding quiet, introverted children. But, I do feel that it needed to be said that not all introverts are quiet individuals. Just as it needed to be said that introverted children are a lot like introverted adults- which, in a way, negates the purpose of this book.
October 9, 2023
I didn't finish this book. I appreciated the author and her vision to help educators and parents understand the introverted children in their care, but I didn't learn any new mind-blowing information, so I got bored.
As a quiet child, I wish I would have been told that it's okay to be quiet. This book would be a great resource for an extroverted teacher or parent to read if they are perplexed by a quiet child in their life.
As a quiet child, I wish I would have been told that it's okay to be quiet. This book would be a great resource for an extroverted teacher or parent to read if they are perplexed by a quiet child in their life.
May 19, 2018
If you have no idea what introversion and extroversion might mean, or if you enjoy filling out quizzes, you'll gain a lot from this book. For those of us who already have a grasp on whether our children are introverts or extroverts, the takeaways are far fewer. Much of the advice given applies to all children; the ideas are simply tweaked for dealing with introverts.
January 18, 2025
This book was good. I was interested in flipping through it as I was an extroverted child who turned into an introverted adult. Raising 1 introvert child and 1 extroverted child. This book would be helpful for those who have never heard those terms before, but I felt some of the summaries were condensending. I really liked learning about societies role in the matter.
November 19, 2019
This is good that it highlights ways in which culture views introverted vs. extroverted people. I think that for my needs I could have done with a nice long article perhaps, rather than the whole book.
March 24, 2019
Good information for parents. Will be recommending this to parents who have concerns about their introverted children.
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