Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World

by Robyn Ochs, Sarah Rowley (Editor)

Bi+ people make up more than 50% of the LGBTQ community. Yet bi+ people can often experience isolation and invisibility--even from each other.

Getting Bi addresses this by collecting 220 personal essays from 185 bi+ authors from 42 countries (from Australia to Zimbabwe).

This book is a safe haven where bi people are celebrated and understood. Bi+ readers will feel comforted, heartened, nourished, and validated. You will find yourself nodding in agreement as you read. You will laugh at relatable experiences. You will receive validation about lived experiences you thought were unique to you. This book is a lifeline to those struggling. You will feel hope and a sense of relief. You will realize that, no matter how isolated as you are, you are not alone.

You will hear many stories (which the mainstream leaves out) on the joys of being bisexual.

Authors discuss their potential to be attracted--romantically and/or sexually--to people with genders similar to and different from their own. They describe liking, having feelings for, and falling in love with others. Many relate their identity to knowing who they desire, are interested in, and have crushes on. Therefore, many knew who they were bi long before they started dating. Others may never date more than one gender, but accept being bi as crucial to who they are.

Each author questioned and subsequently arrived at a greater understanding of their sexuality. So these stories are helpful for anyone undergoing an identity exploration.

Authors also bare their souls while processing feelings of anger, angst, doubt, fear, frustration, guilt, sadness, shame, and just being uncomfortable.

This book explores many common struggles of bi+ people:

- Authors describe dealing with external (or internalized) oppression of all types: biases, biphobia, bi-erasure, heterosexism, homophobia, stereotypes, myths, and general negativity.

- Authors describe repeatedly being told they are 'confused' or 'going through a phase.'

- Authors describe their struggles with labels. Many get creative and create new terms for themselves or use none at all (demonstrating the broad possibilities of self-identification).

- Authors describe the fatigue of having to come out, not once, but over and over again.

- Authors describe monosexual partners (and potential partners) who are insecure, feel inadequate, and fearful about dating bi people.

- Authors describe seeking refuge in the larger LGBTQ+ community only to realize it may not the safe haven they hoped for. After joining organizations, they have found the 'B' in the LGBT to be in name only (despite all that bi+ people have contributed to the movement).

Instead of - or in addition to - trying to fit into potentially less-inclusive LGBTQ+ groups, these authors show that you can seek out and become a member of your own bi+ community which proudly waves its own bi flag.

For those who do not yet have bisexual friends, this book offers a peek inside your own community. Reading about others is a great first step to being a part of a supportive and accepting bisexual culture. It will likely inspire you to network, find allies, and build a strong supportive social circle.

You will learn about bi+ community leaders, activists, and conferences advocating for the interests of bisexual people. You will learn about bi people who, over the decades, have been organizing movements to fight for social justice, equality, and the rights of each one of us.

Drawing from so many different people who have many decades of reflection, you can't help but leave with a deeper understanding and eye-opening epiphanies.

It will make you feel empowered and inspired to exercise your freedom of expression. It will give you more courage because of what others, like you, have done.

As one reviewer wrote, "This book will make you laugh, cry, get angry, and hopefully open your eyes to the wide range of bisexual experiences."

Genres: Nonfiction, LGBT, Queer, Bisexual, Sexuality, Essays, Anthologies

290 pages, Kindle Edition

First published May 31, 2005

About the author

Robyn Ochs has been featured in The Washington Post, The New York Times, Newsweek, CBS News, NBC News, The Nation, Marie Claire, Seventeen, Bustle, and Refinery29.

Ochs is a long-time bi+ activist and educator who has spoken professionally at hundreds of colleges and conferences.

During the Obama administration, Ochs was among those advising the White House on issues facing bisexual-identified people.

Ochs was awarded the Susan J. Hyde Activism Award for Longevity in the Movement by The National LGBTQ Task Force.

Ochs was featured on Teen Vogue's "9 Bisexual Women Who Are Making History," Buzzfeed's "13 Incredible Bisexual People You Need to Follow on Instagram," and The Advocate's "50 States, 50 Heroes."

Reviews

[Tobi · Rating 4 out of 5]

The book came out in 2005, but I wrote my piece in it in 2003. As you can imagine, my thoughts on sexuality have shifted over the years. But I'm still happy that I got the chance to put forth questions of internalized biphobia, wanting to call myself queer instead of bi, and just not liking or fitting a sexual orientation binary.

The book itself has over 100 contributors from 32 different countries and deals with many many different perspectives and experiences of being bi.

[Stefanie · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great place to start to learn about bisexuality - especially if you like to learn via people's personal stories and hear it told in their voices. There's also a great few essays and list of resources at the end, including a guide for parents of young people who come out as bisexual and a list of fiction with bisexual characters.

Granted, this book is a bit dated now (originally 2005; even the update is 2009) so lots has changed, at least within the US. At this point it's a window on a certain cultural time in addition to the obvious focus on a sexual orientation. But much still holds true. The perspective is pretty heavily American but there's still enough from other countries, including those in Africa, Asia and South America, that provides a taste of the experience in different cultures.

My reading experience of this was like it is with a collection of short stories - most of it was good, some did nothing for me, and a few nuggets gave that amazing feeling of "Yes! I identify with this." Overall such an important effort.

[Christina Hannan · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was a eye-opening and heartfelt read, and I’m so glad I picked it up from my local library. It went into detail about the lives and struggles of bisexuals around the world and how they dealt with the issues of activism, politics, self-acceptance and the importance of community. It was so enlightening to read about how other bisexuals viewed their identity and lived their truth. I can’t tell you how many times I cried reading someone’s story because it resounded so deeply with me. I really felt as if this book was a must read and I’m so glad I picked it up.

[Sarah · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wonderful collection of short autobiographical essays on bisexual issues. It gives a wonderful worldwide perspective that challenges the predominant Western and American biases in our movement. Also comes with a wonderful resource guide.

[Jennifer · Rating 5 out of 5]

It was fascinating to read the different perspectives of bisexuals around the world. I would highly recommend it to anyone.

[Jan · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed the first edition of this book (which I was not in), but (naturally) I enjoyed the second edition of it (which I am in) even more. I was particularly interested by the large number of new personal narratives from bisexual people in countries other than the U.S., Canada and Britain, where the majority of the original pieces came from. Most of these people aren't writers, but their stories are still illuminating. If you're bisexual, have a bisexual friend or family member you want to understand, or just want to know more about your fellow human-beings, this is a good resource.

[Kati Giblin · Rating 4 out of 5]

Inspiring! I used to be so ashamed of my sexuality, and still am at some level. However, the different essays in this book show the diversity in bisexuality, which was somehow more comforting than confusing. Instead of trying to hide my sexuality by saying "it's just this one part of me," I now realize that it inherently goes down to my bones. However, I have also come to realize that I can be held down by no stereotype whatsoever. I think those realizations were partially found through this book.

Some people have said that this book is too basic. However, not many people talk about bisexuality, especially in the places I've lived, so I found it very helpful. The writing ranges in quality and style, which I actually loved, as there is something for everybody (and, by the way, I think the ideas range from very basic to quite complex). The list of resources at the end was good, though some of the websites are now outdated. And as a lit geek, I drooled over Robyn's breakdown of bisexual stereotypes in fiction (I don't mind stereotypes in fiction; they're there for a reason).

[Kate · Rating 4 out of 5]

A great anthology of bi voices from around the world. I found some sections a little drier than others, and the downside to an anthology is that the writing pieces are all shorter than I traditionally like. On the flipside, this was a great book to read on my fifteen minute coffee breaks at work (which is why it took me almost two months to read it). Some entries had me nodding along with every word, but other entries had me angry, or going "what?! seriously?" But that is the varied scope of bisexuality. Some people will have very similar perspectives, and others will have very different perspectives. Even experiences that a very different than mine are still valid. Lots of great resources in the back of the book, too.

[Tiff · Rating 3 out of 5]

I liked aspects of this book, and it was definitely interesting to see so many different viewpoints.

[Sabrina Haenze · Rating 4 out of 5]

Much of the terminology is very outdated, but the personal stories are all very interesting.

[Laura · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book came out in 2009 and is a collection of essays about what it’s like to be bisexual. Each chapter asks a specific question in regards to it and shows an array of different view points. In general I don’t know what I expected this book going in but I enjoyed it. One general thing that I found to be hindering my enjoyment were the many different points of view. In the one hand I loved to read about them on the other hand it did become a little repetitive from time to time, which is understandable since all had been given the same prompts.
Most of those view points I found to be interesting and engaging. Some had me wavering of, some people I absolutely couldn’t connect with and found to be off putting. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so. It just shows that everyone has different perceptions and that sometimes you meet or read about people in that case that for some reason you don’t end up enjoying your time with.
I did really appreciate seeing the essays from people outside of the US since I am one of them. Some of the terminology that was being used is considered to be very outdated at this point in time, once again nothing about this is negative, I just feel like it could be good for some people to know these things before going in. I don’t want anyone to feel wrong about it.
Lastly I just want to close of this review by highlighting my favorite essay in this collection. Interestingly enough it turnt out to be the first one that the collection starts of with. It made me feel a lot and I certainly teared up reading it.

[Highlyeccentric · Rating 3 out of 5]

as a book overall, I don't think the tiny-quotes-and-contributions format worked well; it read like a bizarrely large pamphlet. However, it was pretty nifty reading up on 90s bi... everything; slightly disappointing to think how little has changed; and the last few sections, on politics, were very interesting, especially when some of the authors had fine-tuned their ideas since 'Closer to home: Bisexuality and feminism'.

[Shane · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book involved a lot of different voices on various topics which is good in theory but in practice it was such small snippets of people’s experiences that they ended up being very similar. There was never enough meat to really connect with. Also it felt more like a book to explain bisexuality to people than a book for bisexuals.

[Robyn Ochs · Rating 5 out of 5]

Disclaimer: I'm one of the two editors, and I'm still in love with this project.

[kris · Rating 2 out of 5]

Definitely a book better suited for those unfamiliar with bisexuality than those who are. For those who are, there may be very little to find within its pages.

[Lisa Gamboa · Rating 3 out of 5]

The book is a little too surface level for what I was looking for, but some of the testimonies were eye opening and extremely touching.

[Emily · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting collection of bisexual stories from around the world. It was a little tiring reading so many very short stories that shared common themes. Maybe if the the stories had been a bit more curated, they would have kept my attention more, but I stuck with it through the end and I’m glad I did because the final chapter, about views of bisexuality in different countries/cultures, was the most interesting. A good read for anyone who’s bi and hasn’t heard many bi stories before.

[Z. · Rating 2 out of 5]

I was not a big fan of this book. It had some interesting personal accounts, reflections, essays, poems and stories from bisexuals. However, after the first few pages the redundancy was unbearable. There is definitely room for variety. Also, you could tell the author was struggling to get submissions. Some of the testimonials were only a few lines of stories already told.
What I did like about this book was that there were stories from bisexuals representing different countries around the world. There is also some good resources and guides.

I believe there is a second edition coming out. I think it will be better.

[Nimrodds]

זה ספר מאוד חשוב ומקיף, כדאי לקרוא אותו, להשגה כספר אלקטרוני

[Keith Costelloe · Rating 4 out of 5]

I read this book to research bisexual voices. It is non-fiction and has statements from both men and women who consider themselves bisexual. The stories in and of themselves are interesting and the ease or difficulties they had in their lives relating to others and coming to terms with their sexuality is always fascinating. The book describes how bisexuals are viewed and examines the term itself and what it means. Some of the people talk about sexuality being fluid, and that we shouldn't box people into categories. Sexual attraction depends on who you are attracted to. It is a well-researched book and opens up an area of sexuality that isn't well understood or talked about with any knowledge.

[Rachel Liebler · Rating 5 out of 5]

A great book of stories from many different people with different backgrounds voicing their experience being bisexual which is super helpful and validating. A gift from a friend that I an very grateful for 💖

[kory. · Rating 2 out of 5]

“people are becoming not only increasingly willing to embrace identities that cross lines, but also immensely creative and playful in their use of terms and labels. some identify as queer, pansexual, or omnisexual. some publicly acknowledge attractions and/or relationships with people of more than one sex while simultaneously claiming the right to identify as heterosexual, lesbian or gay. some deliberately use labels strategically, identifying differently in different social contexts. and some eschew labels altogether. in fact, as we debated possible titles, we considered subtitling this book ‘voices of bisexuals and other folks along the sexuality spectrum,’ recognizing that the word bisexual cannot possibly encompass all whose identities challenge the binaries of gay and straight. although brevity eventually won out in the title, we want this book to be a safe and nourishing haven not only for those who identify as bisexual, but for everyone.”

i very much prefer bi books that are focused on history, community, politics, stuff like that. when the personal stories and details of sex lives come into play, i start to lose interest. this book had a bit of both, but i still wish there had been less of the personal stuff. (that doesn’t make this book bad, just not really my taste).

this one is less binary than others, but definitely still super binary. and yes, another case of “regardless of gender” language being used in the context of men and women. and there’s a section on politics that includes a “bisexual manifesto” that isn’t the text from “anything that moves" which goes to show that tacking the word “manifesto” onto something doesn’t mean it’s universally revered or even known among the group it pertains to.

i definitely have some......notes.

i don’t agree with the idea that one can be described as bisexual based on their behavior or attractions even if they don’t identify as bisexual. i’m a self-identification over everything person. the names we give ourselves are more important than any concept of innate or inherent labels based on any criteria that others subscribe to. it’s as simple as: don’t call people words they don’t claim for themselves, and don’t disregard the words they do claim for themselves in preference to the words you’d rather call them.

i think it’s....let's go with.....interesting how a bunch of bi people in this book described their attraction with things that panphobes use as examples of pan people being ~problematic and ~biphobic. but i’m sure it’s okay when bi people say it, and when pan people say it it’s bad or “proof” of us stealing from bi people. even though we came from the same community, so of course our language is sometimes shared. gag me.

lastly, there’s a quote from a queerphobic, identity policing article from the ’80s in the quotes section of the book. the article argues that “bisexuals who don’t call themselves bisexuals” (if they don’t call themselves bi, why are you?) are damaging the bi community’s visibility and progress by not identifying as bi, and makes assumptions and generalizations about why they don’t identify as bi. it’s a harmful article and i don’t appreciate it being included in a book claiming to support all mspec people and self-identification.

i get that there are a lot of different perspectives represented in this book, some that directly contradict one another, but this quote was plucked out of the ’80s to be included by the editors. while the article claims to support self-identification and doesn’t want to become the label police, they quite literally follow that disclaimer with “until more people identify as bi, the bi community and movement will be stymied” and i’m sorry, but it’s not my (or other non-bi mspec people’s) responsibility or duty to use our identities and existence strategically to “grow” the bi community/movement.

we don’t have to identify based on what movement/community needs “growing”, and us not identifying as bi is not damaging or stalling bi progress. that’s guilt tripping and shaming people for their right to self-identify, instead of labeling themselves based on what community wants more numbers. you want your community to grow? do the work to make it more visible and accessible so those who actually are bi can realize, accept, embrace that. don’t shame, attack, or guilt other mspec people for not identifying as bi, or use them as a scapegoat for your disappointment in your own community/movement.

basically, learn the difference between those who aren’t identifying as bi due to internalized biphobia or a lack of access to bisexuality, and those who aren’t identifying as bi because they just aren’t bi, and then be very fucking careful to not conflate the two anymore.

[Matt Chlebda · Rating 5 out of 5]

(Originally posted on June 24, 2024)

Fascinating eye opening stories and personal tales in here! Loved that the editors (one of them being the fabulous bisexual queen and icon Robyn Ochs, she is an amazing author, activist and human being) took the time to address multiculturalism and diversity within the bi+ community, we are everywhere, man! Coming from a proud bi guy, it can be tough to be bisexual in a heteronormative monosexist society, but something that helps is finding community, even if it means finding it through books like this. Excellent book overall! It will help you feel seen and validated if you are bi like me, and if you aren’t bi, you’ll learn a little bit more about us and have the opportunity to read deep personal stories. I love Recognize even more!