Napoleon was first a highly skilled artilleryman. He would sleep at 10pm to save candles and wake at 4am. He ate one meal a day at 3pm. He hated the crowd and the mob and was a huge believer in hierarchy and order. After his Toulon engagement, Napoleon went from being a major to brigadier general. Napoleon acted for decades as a total stud muffin and one of his conquests was a 32-year-old “with teeth so bad and blackened (they were described as being like ‘cloves’) that she had trained herself to smile without showing them”. Nice score, Napoleon Dynamite.
Napoleon’s big love was Josephine who would spend a lot of time cuckolding him. In return, Napoleon would tell aghast strangers, “She has the prettiest little cunt in the world.” Ever the poet, Napoleon wrote Josephine that he longed to visit her “black forest.” He treated badly faithful women who loved him in favor of errant Josephine. Josephine preferred to cat around with men who could make her laugh and who lasted longer in bed. Napoleon loots Italy and takes the famed lion of Venice and the four bronze horses of St. Marks. He sends paintings by Michelangelo, Titian, and Raphael to Paris.
His four greatest skills were: the tech he used, his men’s morale, “the effects of the French Revolution” and his genius at tactics and strategy. Napoleon could never have had his meteoric rise without the French Revolution; the same with his generals like Davout. Regarding healthy troop morale, Napoleon won a lot, “he clothed and equipped them well, paid them in specie, and turned a blind eye to their pillaging expeditions. Winning a battle meant riches. Napoleon knew how men liked the rewards of money, honorific titles, and flattery. Back then, a sharpshooter needed to be under one hundred yards away to hit an individual. Reloading took a while; five rounds a minute was the fastest an expert could shoot, and more common was one to two rounds per minute with varying accuracy. This is why Napoleon favored artillery. Shooting practice was uncommon because ammunition was hard to get and guns sometimes blew up (burst barrel) in the face of the shooter. Deaths by bayonet were few. When you were close enough see the whites of your opponent’s eyes, gun accuracy went way up. Napoleon hated frontal attacks and far preferred to turn, or envelope, the enemy by attacking its flanks closest to their point of retreat. Show up at the right time and the right place. He liked to camp two nights away from the battle zone and then pull a night march and arrive a day earlier than the opponent expects. If he screwed up, he was a great improvisor, but not much of an innovator. Stendhal said Napoleon’s Italian Campaign was his greatest success. The best estimate is that only 1/5 of the Italian stolen art made its way to the Directory. The Directory was corrupt and so were the Generals, including Napoleon.
Napoleon knew that to invade England, it would take a minimum of eight hours just to cross the channel. He couldn’t work out a winnable plan to invade England like Rome did, so he set his eyes on Egypt (another Roman favorite) which he thought would be easier and cheaper to plunder. Napoleon attacks Egypt at the worst time of the year (a reoccurring theme/blunder in his life) leading many of his men to die of thirst. Intense heat made them abandon their booty, “and many others, tired of suffering, simply blew their brains out.” This was the fruits of invading a “Sultan’s territory without declaring war and without any valid reason for a declaration.” Now the French Army was “marooned in Egypt” without their fleet. The Rosetta Stone gets brought back from Egypt and deciphered. Napoleon thinks of redoing the ancient Suez Canal and calls in a decorator who says, okay, this beige has got to go.
At Jaffa, Napoleon commits horrible war crimes. Jaffa surrenders on the word of a French officer that their lives will be spared. Once inside, Napoleon says screw that, kill ‘em all. The problem is that the troops don’t have enough ammunition (bullets and gunpowder). No problem, says Napoleon, drown and bayonet them. Even battle-hardened veterans were sickened by killing 3,000 defenders (plus 1,400 prisoners taken from Gaza) this way. “There are well authenticated reports of soldiers wading out to sea to finish off terrified women and children who preferred to take their chances with the sharks.” Napoleon realized that history would judge him harshly because he couldn’t plead a compelling necessity. Yep. The fourteen months spent by French troops in Egypt brought France nothing. The French state was now bankrupt, and credit was non-existent. Butter and cheese became luxury items. The Directory was unable to satisfy any sector of society. “At root, the Thermidoreans wanted a Republic dedicated to the interests of the rich – rather like the U.S.A. at that time under Washington and Jefferson.” The Jacobins were on the Left but were an ineffective coalition, while the Royalists were infighters. Napoleon makes his bid for power (18 Brumaire) at the moment “the all-important bourgeoisie was willing to contemplate one-man rule.” He had shown how he could deal harshly with the bread rioters. France did not know Napoleon’s genius required constant warfare and all other hopes in him would be wasted. “Without Marengo, Napoleon could not have become consul for life and, ultimately, Emperor.”
A treaty with Spain gifts France the land later known as the Louisiana Purchase. The Haitian Revolution happens (seeking independence from France) and Napoleon says let me sell the Louisiana land France just got to Thomas Jefferson since France really needs money. Jefferson thinks, “wow, this Louisiana Purchase is such a blatant violation of the Constitution and my sacred oath …but on the other hand, if I sign, maybe my enslaved mistress Sally will call me a “bad boy” tonight”. Meanwhile back in France, Napoleon’s Josephine “bought 900 dresses per year” (for comparison, Marie Antoinette bought no more than 170) and a thousand pairs of shoes. She bought 38 hats in one month alone. She had a debt of 1,200,000 francs. Elsewhere in the country, “highway robbery and brigandage were rampant, especially in the south and west” Napoleon was anti-worker/anti-proletariat, yet workers supported him because he kept bread prices low. It was clearly the moneyed elite who benefited most from Napoleon’s rule. “By 1804, Napoleon’s grip on France was complete.”
Think of Napoleon as more an old-fashioned autocrat than a modern dictator. Strange quirks: he absolutely despised cats and open doors. When you entered to visit him, you had to squeeze though a barely open door, “then hold the door tight shut by the handle, sometimes doing so with hands behind the back, until dismissed”. Napoleon put in an eighteen-hour day making him one of histories greatest workaholics. He was very good at dressing down someone diplomatically, so they’d work harder next time. “He was both rootless and classless.” He gets coronated in 1804 and chooses a bee motif as symbol for his empire. When our US Presidents get inaugurated, instead of beautiful golden bees and fleur-de-lis, the symbols of our empire are Lockheed Martin, Raytheon, General Dynamics and Northrup Grumman.
Looking at ships, Napoleon saw France had 13 while England had 52. So, he kept his warships at full ready at ports to keep the English from relaxing. By 1805, Europe achieved a coalition against France. The traditional enemy of Russia was Turkey. “Under normal conditions, the semaphore system conveys intelligence at the rate of 120 mph. He writes Josephine, “Yesterday I beat the Russians and Austrians. I am a bit tired.” On August 9th 1806, the Holy Roman Empire ceased to exist when Francis II of Germany renounced his title of Emperor of Germany. Prussia is turned into a French satellite. Napoleon meets fellow England hater Czar Alexander; it leads to the Treaty of Tilsit. Later, they say they “loved” each other. England hated the Treaty because Russia (and her subordinate Sweden) had been the source of their masts, ship decking, tallow, linseed, pitch, iron, and hemp. Napoleon’s Spanish policy was one of his greatest errors. Charlemagne and Constantine could fall back on Christianity; Napoleon couldn’t. His 1812 plan if he defeated Russia was to take Constantinople, then press on to Persia and India. France went into deficit spending. In French occupied land, “The brutal French soldiers, many of them rapists and murderers who had chosen the army instead of a prison sentence, took their pick of the local women.” One French soldier later wrote, “They cannot forgive us for having twenty years caressed their wives and daughters before their very faces.” Invading Spain for the French was hard because you are invading from the north, but Spain’s mountains and rivers run east-west. Oops…
For England, keeping a Navy afloat was much cheaper than keeping an army on land. Meanwhile, Napoleon goes with his fellow sociopaths to an arena where they slaughter eighty defenseless wild boar. “Without control of the seas, France was always more likely to end up locked in than to lock Britain out”. England’s Navy could enforce its own blockade. Napoleon’s failure in Russia helped England; Napoleon’s failure in Spain helped England. In Russia, French food wagons broke down on the Russian rutted tracks. Lack of horses to move stuff. Starvation loomed. 8,000 of his horses died just between Vilna and Vitebsk from lack of fodder, being driven too hard, and huge daily hot to cold differentials. Napoleon’s Grande Armee “was losing 5-6,000 men a day from sickness and desertion.” They had fired “90,000 artillery shells and two million cartridges.” at Borodino where 100,000 died. When he arrived in Moscow it was intentionally a ghost town. Retreating Napoleon retraces his footsteps back into scorched earth territory rather than head south to food and supplies. Kutusov has a chance to finish off Napoleon on this retreat but fails although holding “vastly superior numbers”. The retreating Grand Armee’s stories of deprivation goes on for many pages in this book: “for hundreds of miles the Grande Armee lived mainly on horseflesh”. Then came the Winter (of napoleon’s discontent). Frostbite was common. “1812 was the beginning of the end for Napoleon.” In 1813 French morale was so low that French men would injure themselves to avoid the draft. The book then details many gruesome examples of draft -resisting mutilations that, each would make you cringe. Seventeen-year-olds would marry ninety-year-olds to escape the same draft. Napoleon said to Metternich, “A man like me cares little for the lives of a million men.” Metternich replies I wish all of Europe could hear that. By 1814, The Army was basically Napoleon’s only ally. The draft made him hugely unpopular. Waterloo was fought with 140,000 men crammed in three square miles. Napoleon ends up in remote St. Helena where amoebic dysentery was an endemic problem for all stationed on the island. He wrote, “In America I would either be assassinated or forgotten. I’m better off in St. Helena.” Napoleon’s two great victories were Austerlitz and Friedland. Think of Napoleon as callous but not ruthless or he would have quickly dealt with the interference of Bernadotte, Fouche, Talleyrand and Murat. He lost 500,000 in Russia and almost the same number in Germany in 1813. “He was unmoved by the human cost of his campaigns.” McLynn believes that the death toll just of French people 1798 to 1815 (because of Napoleon) is four million at the very least. This was a good book. My knowledge of Napoleon was pathetic, so it was important finally learn something about him.