The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team and Other Stories

by Joe R. Lansdale

Find out what sort of game the Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team play. Discover haunted toilets, strange beasts, the hungry dead, weird off-trail shops that sell unique hats and twisted dreams. Spend time with a courageous barber, meet a mythological being that may be part of all our myths, and is well-versed in the various games of shooting marbles. Ghostly cars, ghostly hotels, a shrinking world, gorillas in the yard, a brave and industrious mouse and a less than noble elephant are also here. If that's not enough, meet a highly intelligent monkey with an email account who is desperate to meet his human kinfolk. There are skull collectors, gun slinging demons, a Wendigo, a serial killer, and just to smooth things out, stories of romance. Or failed romance. Certainly, stories of new beginnings. The usual wicked potpourri of Lansdale tales and story notes.

Genres: Horror, Fiction, Westerns, Short Stories, Humor

455 pages, Hardcover

Published January 22, 2024

About the author

Champion Mojo Storyteller Joe R. Lansdale is the author of over forty novels and numerous short stories. His work has appeared in national anthologies, magazines, and collections, as well as numerous foreign publications. He has written for comics, television, film, newspapers, and Internet sites. His work has been collected in more than two dozen short-story collections, and he has edited or co-edited over a dozen anthologies. He has received the Edgar Award, eight Bram Stoker Awards, the Horror Writers Association Lifetime Achievement Award, the British Fantasy Award, the Grinzani Cavour Prize for Literature, the Herodotus Historical Fiction Award, the Inkpot Award for Contributions to Science Fiction and Fantasy, and many others. His novella Bubba Ho-Tep was adapted to film by Don Coscarelli, starring Bruce Campbell and Ossie Davis. His story "Incident On and Off a Mountain Road" was adapted to film for Showtime's "Masters of Horror," and he adapted his short story "Christmas with the Dead" to film hisownself. The film adaptation of his novel Cold in July was nominated for the Grand Jury Prize at the Sundance Film Festival, and the Sundance Channel has adapted his Hap & Leonard novels for television.

He is currently co-producing several films, among them The Bottoms, based on his Edgar Award-winning novel, with Bill Paxton and Brad Wyman, and The Drive-In, with Greg Nicotero. He is Writer In Residence at Stephen F. Austin State University, and is the founder of the martial arts system Shen Chuan: Martial Science and its affiliate, Shen Chuan Family System. He is a member of both the United States and International Martial Arts Halls of Fame. He lives in Nacogdoches, Texas with his wife, dog, and two cats.

Reviews

[Ben A · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reviewing short story collections is usually a tough task. With Joe R. Lansdale it's a little bit easier for me. Since he is one of my favorite authors, I will read anything he puts out as well as pick up anthologies specifically due to his name of the cover. My incredibly small nitpick is that as I've read more and more of his catalogue, I find myself having already read several of the stories within. With The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team and Other Stories that wasn't the case. Within its pages were complete new (at least to me) stories. Did I like some more than others? Of course, but they were all very, very good. Lansdale is the Champion Mojo Storyteller for a reason.

Special Thanks to Subterranean Press and Netgalley for the digital ARC. This was given to me for an honest review.

[Benjamin Thomas · Rating 5 out of 5]

Joe R. Lansdale has always been one of my go-to authors when I need something “different.” In this book, he mentions that he likes writing both novels and short stories but if he had to choose, he would write only short stories. His love for the form is on full display here and this collection offers some of his best.

Contrary to other reviews I’ve seen for this book, these are not new stories. Every one, according to the information at the back of the book, details where and when the stories first appeared. They range from horror ‘zines like “Fangoria” to popular anthologies to fairly obscure places like “Ferrari Magazine”. Quite a few, including the titular story, were originally published in various anthologies edited by Lawrence Block, which is where I first encountered them. Even though published elsewhere, most of these stories are still quite recent with almost all of them originating in the last five years.

As for the stories themselves, they vary widely in subject matter, scope, and from serious to silly. Some are gruesome horror pieces, some are intense crime stories, while others can best be described as fables. It’s hard for me to pick favorites but I think I’ll go with the weird westerns due to my own love for that sub-genre. By the way, I owe that love to Joe Lansdale who was among the first writers to delve into such tales back in the 1980s when such stories were still rare. As with any anthology, I enjoyed some of these stories more than others, but I can honestly say, there isn’t a stinker in the bunch.

Lansdale fans will love this collection from Subterranean Press while those looking for a nice variety of high-quality, thoroughly enjoyable stories should absolutely check it out. It is due to be published in January, 2024.

Thanks to Netgallery and Subterranean Press for a free advanced digital copy of this book in return for an honest review.

[Craig Childs · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joe R. Lansdale is one of the best working short story writers in America today. His latest 2024 collection showcases his skill and versatility, even though these stories run mostly to horror. Includes a couple of real standouts.

Don't skip the Story Notes at the back of the book. Some are as entertaining as the stories themselves.

Here are my story reviews ordered from most- to least-liked:

The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team (2019) -- They are a high school sports squad like any other, complete with power struggles, cliques, boyfriend stealers, and esprit de corps. But inside the stadium, on the field of sport, these young ladies fight to the death. "They called the crowd, and the crowd called Death. And the bayonets came down…" 5 stars

Bullets and Fire (2011) -- Tray joins a street gang to get revenge on the initiates who killed his brother. His quest for vengeance ends in a blood bath that spills into the streets and alleys of his neighborhood. This Lansdale's most hardboiled, nihilistic story since Hot in December. 5 stars

Sweet Potato (2022) -- A bored retiree takes up planting potatoes as a hobby, while his bird-killing neighbor watches from her porch rocker, a BB gun strung across her lap. OK, this is vintage Lansdale, equal parts farce, crime, horror and fantasy. The neighbor is, I kid you not, a black widow serial killer, a succubus demon, and the titular sweet potato. 5 stars

The Hungry Snow (2021) -- Reverend Jedidiah Mercer becomes stranded on the Oregon Trail with a party of survivors who have resorted to cannibalism. They are being tracked over the Rockies by a wendigo, an evil spirit from Algonquian folklore. Monster hunters are a dime a dozen in horror and fantasy--Van Helsing, Harry Dresden, Geralt of Rivia, etc.--but the Reverend stands apart. Cursed by God for the sin of incest, he wanders the American West slaying the creatures of Hell. Originally published as a standalone chapbook.

Charlie the Barber (2017) -- Despite his outwardly serene and successful life, Charlie struggles every day with trauma resulting from his time as a POW in the Philippines. His mental crisis is brought to a head when two juvenile delinquents walk into his barber shop and try to start trouble. I appreciate how this story plays on the contrast between the popular Norman Rockwell depictions of post-war America and the realities of what veterans actually suffered.

The Hoodoo Man and the Midnight Train (2020) -- The gunsmith Zach carries weight on his soul due to a black sin, and he must do a hundred good deeds to be absolved. Today he will free an innocent woman who was unjustly boarded on the Midnight Train. This entertaining romp of demons and dueling houngans may be the start of a new Weird Western series.

On the Muddy Banks of the Old Sabine (2021) -- An axe murder… a Boy Scout troop… a forest fire… a flood-swollen river washing human bones out to sea.. This river sure has some stories to tell.

Shrinkage (2018) -- The Earth is shrinking rapidly, and Jim's house is at the center of mass. The continents, the animals and all the people threaten to crush him. This is an absurdist fable inspired by the perception that "as the world grows smaller, as technology develops, we can feel overwhelmed by more people, more of this, and more of that. We can feel pressured from all sides, trapped between a squeezing universe and an invasion of privacy."

The Skull Collector (2021) -- Ruby and Crystal get crossways with a pair of eccentric gangsters after they exhume the body of Etta Place (of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid fame). These two are trash-talking female versions of Hap and Leonard. I hope we get more of their adventures…

The Second Floor of the Christmas Hotel (2018) -- Years ago young Amelia, dark and alluring in her gold hoop earrings and short denim dress, disappeared on Christmas Eve. Decades later, the three men who knew her return to her hotel room to confront her troubled spirit. A classic haunted hotel story…

The Degree (2020) -- In this epistolary tale, an older cousin dispenses sound advice on getting an education and selecting a vocation. As his letter goes on, it slowly reveals a dystopian America where racism, classism, and environmentalism have run amok.

Juliet Unchained (2019) -- A teenage girl ascends a mountain with the intent of throwing herself off the peak because her boyfriend has died. But the climb itself armors her with a reason to continue living. Lansdale wrote this short piece as a response to Romeo & Juliet: "When I was young, I really loved that play. It was romantic, and so was I. At least in thought. Later, I read it and thought, what a couple of dumbasses."

Room for One More (2021) -- A full-time thief and sometime murderer breaks into a house only to find other criminals are already there. A short, nasty bit of hardboiled noir.

Filling Station (2020) -- A chance stop at a disgusting gas station restroom leads to a brush with the supernatural. While this story is only so-so, it does illustrate Lansdale's ability to start writing in a vein of adolescent humor, then turn on a dime to suspense, crime, or horror. You never know which way this story is going to go until the final page.

Bird (2018) -- Flash fiction about two boys who nurse an injured bird back to health, with typical Lansdale cynicism: "When I was twelve my friend James was the finest boy that ever lived. That changed when he got older and started borrowing other people's cars without asking. But before that he was all right, and in the end he was all right still, but he was all right then in prison. He borrowed one car too many."

Red Billie (2023) -- The new girl in town is short with wiry red hair that sticks out the side of her head. She always plays a mean game of marbles against the boys in the Dirt Lot. But when she plays against her Mother, the fates of planets and whole galaxies are at stake.

The Dark Thing (2020) -- Night after night, a man watches a cat-like creature come closer to his house, each night gaining more and more courage to mount his porch steps and come inside. The creature dredges up his worst memories inside him, and he knows it will bring retribution for his many sins.

The Bright City High on the Hill (2020) -- Two divorcees strike up a new romance in southern Italy. This short-short story really goes nowhere. I just like it because its vivid description of Sant Monte'Angelo reminds me of my trip to San Gimignano several years ago.

Camel (2023) -- "My sister, Constance, married a camel named Abdul, and I can't stand it. Can you imagine? A camel? And a foreigner?" Thus begins Lansdale's on-the-nose fable about "all the silly crap going on with the right-wingers about immigrants."

Monkey's Uncle (2023) -- Jim receives an email from a very intelligent monkey. DNA testing shows they could be distant relations, and the monkey wants to meet.

Hats (2020) -- A magic shop story. In this one, the shop in question only sells hats, and the hats only have power within the shop's mirrors. The proprietor wears a bowler hat, and beware the customer who takes it from his head.

Dead Man's Curve (2017) -- A pair of teenage drag racers are skidding into a hairpin curve above a quarry, four hundred dollars at stake, when their contest is interrupted by a zombie outbreak. Lansdale has written several zombie stories, most of them better than this one. It starts out a lot of fun, then gets predictable, then ends on a cliffhanger as if the author got bored with the idea.

The Mouse and the Elephant (2023) -- A mouse uses heavy machinery to save a trapped elephant. A satiric take on an old fable of Aesop's.

Gorillas in the Yard (2023) -- A man is surprised one morning to see a large silverback gorilla sitting under the oak in his front yard.

Snapshot (2021, with Kasey Lansdale) -- The Snapshot Burglars break into your home, take what they want, and then send you a polaroid in the mail. This story was written for a themed anthology of stories that conform to 1980's horror tropes. The plot is similar to "Room for One More", but this one falls prey to too many cliches.

Dead Car (2021) -- Ghosts gather every night around the car they died in, but they do not know they're dead. This seems very similar to Lansdale's story "Family" in Wet Juju. They both read like bad parodies of The Sixth Sense.

[Matt Spencer · Rating 5 out of 5]

Still got it

Possibly Lansdale's best stem-to-stern short fiction collection since HIGH COTTON, I'm pretty sure his first in quite a while comprised entirely of new/previously uncollected material; still wielding words like rusty straight razors, as sharp and precise as ever all the way into his 80s, always in that unmistakable Lansdale way, yet still finding new ways to keep it fresh. Talk about an aspirational legacy!

[Evan Ladouceur · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am fairly new to Joe Lansdale but am consistently impressed by his very readable prose, his deftness at setting mood, and his fantastic ear for dialogue. This excellent long collection of stories includes many that are eerie and unsettling, which in a very compressed story really evoke tension. Many are set in different eras, and Lansdale is very effective at capturing a setting. I liked each story, with the curiously humane and upbeat title story standing out. Other winners include opener The Hungry Snow, an eerie and harsh Western, and the splendid The Hoodoo Man and the Midnight Train. Every page is worth reading.

[David Simon · Rating 4 out of 5]

If you’ll indulge me for a hot minute, I’d like to talk about my history with short stories. I’ve been a reader of science fiction and fantasy since I picked up I, Robot and The Martian Chronicles from my Junior High library the first week of 7th grade. And while those were both novels (although I could argue that The Martian Chronicles is really a collection of interconnected short stories, but I digress), I quickly discovered that there was breathtaking variety in the many science fiction and fantasy short story anthologies available. I devoured them all—Damon Knight’s Orbit series, Terry Carr’s Universe series, Harlan Ellison’s Dangerous Visions and Again, Dangerous Visions, and all the many, many one-off anthologies (most of which seemed to be edited by Roger Elwood). And of course the many magazines, particularly The Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. I discovered a multitude of writers in this way, writers I still love to this day.

What’s that got to do with the book I’m supposed to be writing about here? Hang on, I’m getting there. As I got older, I gravitated more to novels, with only occasional forays into short stories. But lately that’s been changing. Here’s my point:

It’s been a good year for short stories. After a quick look, I’ve read and reviewed five short story collections this year, all of them excellent. Here’s my second point, and I’m finally bringing it around to why you’re here:

It’s been a downright great year for Joe R. Lansdale fans. My first review of the year was Bleeding Shadows, a nicely chonky collection of his short stories that demonstrated his versatility and range. Then came The Donut Legion, Lansdale’s wildly entertaining novel of donuts, murder, and flying saucer cults. In August we were treated to Things Get Ugly: The Best Crime Stories of Joe R. Lansdale, another wonderful collection of short stories that concentrated on, well, crime stories.

And now, arriving November 1st, The Senior Girls Bayonet Team and Other Stories, another nicely chonky short story collection. If anything, this collection is even more varied and wide-ranging than Bleeding Shadows, with longer stories and flash fiction (although they weren’t called that back when Lansdale wrote them). One of the beautiful things about Lansdale, one of the things that makes him my favorite writer, is that he can’t be easily categorized. He jumps from crime fiction, to horror, to fantasy, to weird westerns, to truly oddball satire, too, in this collection, some downbeat, slice of life (dare I say) literary fiction.

You find all that and more here in The Senior Girls Bayonet Team and Other Stories—there’s truly something for everyone, and all of it pure catnip for Lansdale fans.

I’d like to call out just a couple of my favorites:
• THE HUNGRY SNOW—A long, dark-as-pitch weird western with a taste of the Donner Party.
• MONKEY’S UNCLE—Narrated by an intelligent monkey, and that’s all I’m telling you.
• ON THE MUDDY BANKS OF THE OLD SABINE—This one would have been right at home in Things Get Ugly.
• RED BILLIE—I love when Lansdale delves into coming-of-age stories, and this is one of his best.
• THE HOODOO MAN AND THE MIDNIGHT TRAIN—Another weird western, one Lansdale considers his best in that genre.

Bottom line—this is a must-read for Lansdale fans, and for fans of short stories in general. And the cherry on top, the book ends with Lansdale’s extensive, generous story notes, which I personally love.

The Senior Girls Bayonet Team and Other Stories is available for pre-order now. Don’t miss it.

[J Kromrie · Rating 5 out of 5]

📚 Book Review: “The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team and Other Stories” by Joe R. Lansdale

Joe R. Lansdale, the maestro of twisted tales, invites readers into a carnival of the bizarre with his latest collection, “The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team and Other Stories.” Buckle up, because this literary rollercoaster takes unexpected turns, leaving you both exhilarated and slightly unnerved.

Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team: Picture a group of high school girls, bayonets in hand, marching to their own rhythm. Lansdale weaves a tale that’s part coming-of-age, part horror, and wholly unforgettable. These girls aren’t your average cheerleaders; they’re a force to be reckoned with.

Haunted Toilets and Strange Beasts: Lansdale’s imagination knows no bounds. He introduces us to haunted restrooms, where the porcelain gods harbor secrets darker than their ceramic exteriors. And those strange beasts? Well, let’s just say they’re not your typical woodland creatures.

Off-Trail Shops and Unique Hats: Ever stumbled upon a shop that defies reality? Lansdale takes us on a detour to quirky establishments selling hats that whisper secrets and dreams. Wear one, and you’ll never see the world the same way again.

The Mythological Marbles Player: Forget chess grandmasters; meet the mythological being who dominates the marble circuit. Lansdale’s prose dances between whimsy and profundity as we witness this marble maestro’s victories and defeats.

Ghostly Cars and Shrinking Worlds: Lansdale’s stories straddle dimensions. Buckle up for spectral road trips, where vintage cars carry passengers to the afterlife. And beware—the world might shrink around you, leaving you questioning reality.

The Intelligent Monkey with an Email Account: Move over, AI. Lansdale introduces us to a monkey with a Gmail address, desperate to connect with its human relatives. The inbox is filled with banana emojis and existential musings.

Wendigos, Serial Killers, and Failed Romance: Lansdale’s wicked potpourri includes everything from mythical creatures to chilling murderers. But don’t worry; there’s room for love too—albeit with a twist.

“The Senior Girls Bayonet Drill Team and Other Stories” is a sideshow of wonders. Lansdale’s prose is sharp, his characters unforgettable, and his imagination boundless. So grab your ticket, enter the tent, and prepare for a literary ride you won’t soon forget.

[Mike · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is an eclectic set of short stories from master story teller Joe R. Lansdale. Some are very short while others are near novella length. Right off the bat let me say unequivocally that there is not a bad one in the bunch; from Weird Western to edge of your seat nightmarish horror to dystopian school games to more unusual tales that fall somewhere along the lines of esoteric thought experiment. It's all good and there's almost certainly something for every reader. I especially like the author comments on the origins of each of the various stories. It's always interesting to me to get insight into the creative process.

I'm not sure but I believe all the stories in this book have been previously published in one form or another. Some I've read before and some I haven't, so it was both familiar and new to me. I should probably state at this point that I am not a huge fan of the horror genre in general but I've been a fan of the impossible to categorize, genre-hopping, mashup style of Joe R. Lansdale from way, way back. Mostly I prefer his crime oriented stuff but Lansdale just has a way of telling a story, an authentic folklorist style that is so rare these days... I firmly believe that if he put his mind to it Joe R. Lansdale could make a grocery list that was an entertaining (and compelling) read.

Needless to say, I enjoyed this collection. The eye-catching cover art is sensational but the content is even better. Great for both longtime fans and those new to the author (You're in for a treat!)

BOTTOM LINE: Good stuff. Recommended.

[John Bruni · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another excellent collection of Lansdale stories. I only read 2 of them previously! Of the rest of them, I can't say there's a stinker in the joint. My favorite is probably "The Hoodoo Man and the Midnight Train," as I'm a huge fan of the weird western tale. That one has the potential for a series, and it looks like per the story notes he's thinking about actually doing that. Then there's "Camel," which made me laugh quite a bit. Almost as much as "Monkey's Uncle," which was more of a nervous laughter. Don't do it, man! Don't do it! "Gorillas in the Yard" is another favorite. I really like the short bizarro tales. To know why I like this one so much, you kinda have to know me. Whenever I come across a person who lacks the ability to introspect, it baffles me, and this story is all about that.

The titular story is pretty good, too. Not nearly as violent as I was expecting. Apparently there's a more violent version in Lansdale's head, but this one is probably better, considering the ending.

Do I have to tell you that I highly recommend this one?

[Ron · Rating 4 out of 5]

Joe Lansdale has done it again! He has gathered another collection of his short stories, some of which has appeared in various anthologies, into on volume with author notes setting out some of their origins or just his comments on the story and why he felt drawn to write them. Especially interesting is the notes on the title story which did not go the way I expected at all. A number of the stories are short or very short, but they each have their own impact. Some of the characters may or may not show up in future stories. So if you want to sample or just revel in the diversity of Joe Lansdale's story telling, pick up this title!

Thanks Netgalley for the chance to read this book!

[Tim Hicks · Rating 4 out of 5]

A collection of horror-terror-spooky, some funny, some icky, some both. Many are clever too.

Some of the stories are WAY over the top nasty, not that there's anything wrong with that, but You Have Been Warned. If you've been watching chainsaw/facemask horror movies you'll be fine.

One consistent thread - Joe clearly enjoys writing this stuff. There's humour in with the horror, and soe wonderful phrases like "so short she could walk under a kitchen table with a hat on."

[Bryan Davenport · Rating 5 out of 5]

How can I not give this 5 stars. Not only was this rare book a treat to get in the mail after my artery exploded, went into a coma, and had a stroke but it just hit my favorite for the year. It’s a mixture of old and new short stories by Lansdale. What really nails it home is he explains where all of these stories came from and how old they are. I would have been done so much sooner but the stroke brain is slow

[B · Rating 4 out of 5]

Really enjoyed this collection of new short stories by Joe Lansdale, I always like what he writes. This had a very large variety of stories. Some were crime, others horror, and others uncategorized but all were very great and kept me wanting more. Thanks to Netgalley and Subterranean Press for the ARC.

[Tim Hayden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Simply my favorite author. Great introduction to the many different genres he writes in. My highest recommendation

[Lyle Boylen · Rating 5 out of 5]

Another great collection of Lansdale stories.

[Kay Jones · Rating 5 out of 5]

Some scary stories, some sweet, most of them a bit odd. Some weird westerns too. Probably 4 1/2 stars but Joe's a reliable and likeable writer so 5 stars.