“Think about a moment, a little centimeter of time you’d happily exist in forever, if time could be laid out along the spine of a ruler. Maybe it haunts you in that blue inch of half consciousness just before you’re fully awake.”
The synopsis of this sounded very promising so i decided to dive into it, i don't regret it one bit.
The book started with Olivia reminiscing 10 months into the past, before everything hit the fan. Her best friend was coming to visit her before she went back to art school, and Olivia wishes she can freeze that moment of forever, because right after that moment everything goes wrong. Olivia and Lucas, or "Stern", end up kissing that day and soon as she opens her eyes from the kiss, his once hazel eyes are a shade of gray, and everything around her are in black and white, and gray. She's terrified, this is familiar to her. Her mother calls it "the gray space", The place of no art, no creativity, no life. Her mother has schizophrenia, so she's panicking that she might be going crazy like her mom. From the look of terror on her face Lucas gets all nervous and says it's a mistake and runs off.
Olivia is frozen in her terror, not able to explain without sounding crazy. Not able to say anything. She decides to give it a few days and tell him everything, confess she loves him, he'll say it back, and then everything will be right in the world. The color will return and everything will be right. There's a little, no, massive flaw in this plan, though....one Olivia could never see coming.
In one week, Stern is dead. And Olivia's mother is hauled off in the middle of the night, placed behind bars....accused of murdering Lucas Stern.
Basically everything is taken from Olivia in that one week. Losing her vision is like paralyzing to her, because Olivia is an artist. How can someone who can't see color continue to be an artist? Her best friend is now dead, and her mother is behind bars.
The story starts 10 months after the murder, with the trial for her mother's sentencing looming 9 days away. Olivia has flunked out of art school due to her lack of seeing color, and is currently back in Miami where everyone knows about her mother and everything that's happened. She hasn't told anyone about her loss of color, out of her own fear that she's going crazy like her mom. You can practically feel everything Olivia's feeling, and this girl is going through a lot. She doesn't really have anyone's support, she feels resentment towards anyone who's trying to "help" her. They're all telling her to see some professional help, and after a bad therapy experience at 12, Olivia doesn't want anywhere near that.
If the color blindness wasn't enough, out of nowhere, Stern appears and she thinks she's really losing it. He appears and tells her he doesn't remember much, but he remembers her, and most importantly he remembers that her mother didn't kill him. Olivia recalls the things he's saying and thinks this is "wish fulfillment", among other things she has learned in psychology class, during Stern's first few visits. She dismisses it as not real at all, hallucinations. Then, he proves it to her that he's real. He tells her to get her mothers things and look for a black box with music notes on the side and tells her there's caramel chocolates inside, which Olivia's mother hid specifically for him after piano lessons, so Olivia or her father won't get to them. This, among other things, Olivia doesn't know about, so how can it be wish fulfillment or a hallucination? Stern encourages her to dive into the case despite what everyone is saying around her.
Everyone is saying to let it go, that her mother did it and that there's no use looking into the case. Hope swelling inside of her, Olivia can't believe it. Her mother, who has never even killed bugs, couldn't murder someone. So from nothing and no clues to build on but Lucas's small memories he gets every once in a while, it's really hard to believe that Olivia is going to find out the real killer within such a short period of time. Especially since her mother has confessed.
With Stern's visits, she has a love hate thing with them. She so desperately wants him to be there, but then she doesn't because it isn't real, and i think it makes the pain of his death more fresh for her, seeing him there, but not really there.
His visits just left me with incredible sadness. In his brief visits i really loved his character and would have loved to see much more of him. What could have been, the love and relationship that could have happened if he hadn't been in the wrong place at the wrong time, the incredible future he could have had, I mean - JULLIARD! He could have been something big! It's just even more saddening when you find out the real killer and motivations.
I think at one point, it was more of a mystery to finding out the why's, than a murder mystery. It would have been much more of a murder mystery if there were more characters to suspect. There was only the mom, and then a character thrown in there to distract you from the subtle signs pointing towards the real killer.
The suspect thrown in, Marietta Jones.... was just to obvious to be the killer. The thing was, she was also a pianist trying to get into Julliard and found out her and Stern were playing the same piece so she openly threatened him about it. Olivia's mother composed a letter to Julliard's administration to have her eliminated because the threat went against a code in the handbook.... Olivia and Stern found this in her piano when they went there to play a piece to see if Stern could remember anything. This definitely seems like motivation, but it doesn't completely add up because Stern is a Junior and isn't really in competition to get into Julliard yet (he just wants to do the audition to do it, prepare himself better for next year, when he auditions as a senior) So he's not really competition against Marietta. So what's the deal? though it's the only piece of solid evidence so far so of course you're going to hold onto it.
When Austin Morse starts showing interest in Olivia, it's suspicious. He's this jerk guy from private school who thinks he's better than everyone else, is completely gorgeous, and must have a ton of prep school girls fawning over him, so why the sudden interest? This interest also shows more of another character, a long time friend of Olivia's family, Ted Oakley. When Olivia's dad's job (Construction, i think) fails due to bad marketing, Ted pays for this condo complex to be built and sweeps her dad into the business. Perfect, rich, friendly guy..... someone who would never in a million years be a suspect because of what society thinks of them? Yeah, that's usually the killer... i had huge suspects about him but what in the world would his motivation be? why would be kill a young aspiring musician and pin it on a lifelong friend?
After that little trip to Marietta's house and you find out her acceptance to Julliard got revoked because she broke another pianists fingers and hid another kids inhaler just because she didn't like them? Her and her sister have to do ANYTHING to be perfect for their parents? She sounds psycho enough and has the motivation but it still doesn't add up, she's too obvious and my suspicion against Austin and Ted is too strong at this point.
Suspicions against Ted without knowing anything yet:
"Perfect" friendly guy to society, will never guess someone like him would do such a thing (usually the killer in books like this)
The first lawyer thinks the case is going good and see's so much hope, then all of a sudden quits the case, leaving all of the money to a schizophrenia research hospital and then off's himself
The second lawyer is found by TED himself, and then all of a sudden the mother is so guilty and you should abandon all hope
He completely flips out when Olivia mentions her investigating the case at the dinner
His son showing sudden interest in Olivia (I was thinking he was involved with it in some way)
Honestly, the night when Austin took Olivia to ghost town to one of the empty condo's i felt so freaking scared. I thought he was going to kill her.
Olivia sees the text on Austin's phone about "keeping an eye on her" and i definitely know for a fact Ted's involved. Definitely, no doubt about it.
Olivia goes home angry, hurt and confused. Austin was showing interest for a new CAR? Wow, so what else did his father tell him to do? she's thinking.
She ends up digging out her stuff she packed from art school and finds the CD Stern gave her the last time she saw him, and something is off... Olivia notices a note is off. Stern shows up and notices a lot of the tape is off, and Lucas Stern is NEVER off. It must have been the piano, and it wasn't Olivia's mother's because hers was always tuned, so what piano was it? Olivia thinks of ghost town, and the piano in the entrance. Stern gets little pieces of memory, that he snuck in there, he remembers lights in the windows (headlights) and two people arguing. Did someone kill him because he heard something he shouldn't have? Hmmm.....
So Olivia and Stern decide to go to ghost town and investigate, see what clues they can find. Her key is gone, so with desperation she texts Austin and asks "him" to leave the door open, making an excuse that she might have left her bra behind. I dreaded this, knowing something was going to go down. She's in an office and Ted walks in. He's infuriating with all of his calm and confusion when Olivia is accusing and such, making her look like a nut. Then he breaks down the psycho he is, and is crying, confessing, clutching Olivia and saying she doesn't understand, he has a family that would be ruined if he didn't kill them. (I so damn wished there was a tape recorder recording all of this!) So then, since Olivia knows too much now he sets the office on fire and locks the doors. Olivia, being really smart puts the fire alarm back together and manages to get out of there with not too much damage. The little mother effer Ted, pretends it was an insurance scam, and he didn't know Olivia was in there. Yeah, okay dude.
Olivia tries to tell all she knows at this point and her father is thinking she's in a delusion, him, heather and Wynn staring at her in pity.
If i was her i would have started to scream with frustration by then, but she stays quiet and goes home, with only one day until the hearing.
When at home again, she's angry and throwing things around, and stumbles upon what Medusa, the local "crazy" homeless lady gave her when Olivia defended her against a group of teens throwing things at her. At the time it seemed like a dirty coin, but now Olivia cleans it and sees her mothers initials, it was her mothers, she remembers it. She also remembers her talking about the shadow man, and Medusa's warnings and decides to visit her (From the beginning i had a pretty big hunch that she saw something but never in a million years thought anyone would take her word) but, Olivia goes to see her, she tells Olivia what she saw, and surprisingly she is stable to talk to the police about what she saw, as well. Then during the demolition of ghost town they find bones there and it's confirmed that it's Tanya's body. Solid proof against him, finally. They also did a search of his house and he was involved in selling drugs. Wow.
So Olivia's mother is cleared, but instead of going home she goes into a mental facility. Meeting her, stable, she was a really nice woman. She loves Olivia and her father, and just wants them to be happy. Instead of being angry about him marrying another woman and all that, she chooses to be happy for him because he's happy with her and all that. She's really pleasant overall and it seems she's healing and the place is doing well for her. 1000% better than the Miriam we met behind bars. Then, in a moment of complete love between the two Olivia's color comes back! (I noticed it went away and came back in two moments of complete love) I did wonder if it would ever come back for her, and was really pleased with that.
I do really really wish we could have known more though, like what happens with Ted... what about his sentencing? What happens with his family?
Also, how does Olivia end up forgiving Raina? She painted her as this two faced biotch who always wants the spotlight and i was pretty convinced this was true when Olivia shows up at the Stern's house for the Unveiling and she's telling the Sterns about how Olivia saw Stern's ghost. Like, she told her that in confidence, how could she tell his PARENTS? telling them Olivia is crazy and all that... that doesn't sound like a best friend at all.
Plus i think the end was a little too sunshiny. It was all happiness and love, going off to the wedding like all is good and amazing in the world. I understand a big weight was lifted, that her mother was cleared and the case was solved and now Stern is free, not in that nowhere place anymore. (Did i mention how heartbreaking that scene was in nowhere, where Olivia wanted to stay and he's all like how she needs to live, and he needs to die, and how Olivia confesses her love, and he says he's loved her since they were 4, and all of those other heart crushing things? Yeah, my heart broke there, JS) but... it just seemed too happy and things were still unresolved. I felt like it should have been a little tainted with bittersweetness.
"I realize, right now and forever, maybe: so what if i am a little crazy, if ghosts are real, or if they're not. I got to tell him i loved him. I got to say it. Who knows if it was real for him, if he felt it, if we were there together in some other place entirely. It was real for me, real as anything else, a thing that burned inside of me and found release"