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Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 4
Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 4 -- Now with taller tales and shorter cocks!
Starring:
Casper Kelly – Writing credits include Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Squidbillies, Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, and many others.
Bradley Sands – Author of TV Snorted My Brain, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy … Well, you get the point -- he’s awesome.
Ross E. Lockhart – Author of Chick Bassist and editor of The Book of Cthulhu and Tales of Jack the Ripper.
Danger Slater – International playboy and secret agent. Responsible for writing DangerRAMA and Love Me, and also seducing yo' momma.
Douglas Hackle, AKA "Tha Hustla" – Author of Clown Tear Junkies and contributor to The Surreal Grotesque and certain other e-zines of ill repute.
John McNee – The author of Grudgepunk delivers the next highly anticipated story from Grudgehaven.
Jessica McHugh – Author of Rabbits in the Garden and Pins, she's also appeared in multiple anthologies including “Death to the Brothers Grimm”.
Arthur Graham – Just some guy who takes nude photos of himself and edits books on the side.
Eirik Gumeny – Author of the Exponential Apocalypse series and former editor of Jersey Devil Press.
Jeff O’Brien – To date he has seven books under his belt, including The Splatter House Rules, The Halloween Orgy Massacre, and Bigboobenstein.
Grady Hendrix – Has written for Playboy, Slate, the Village Voice, Variety, the New York Post, and now Tall Tales with Short Cocks.
Chanteclaire Coquine (pronounced “Cock-Queen”) – The granddaughter of a notorious South Texas cockfighting kingpin makes her debut in this volume.
David S. Atkinson – author of The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes (spring 2014), Bones Buried in the Dirt, and anything else you're gullible enough to believe if it makes you pick up the restaurant check.
Starring:
Casper Kelly – Writing credits include Aqua Teen Hunger Force, Squidbillies, Your Pretty Face is Going to Hell, and many others.
Bradley Sands – Author of TV Snorted My Brain, Rico Slade Will Fucking Kill You, Sorry I Ruined Your Orgy … Well, you get the point -- he’s awesome.
Ross E. Lockhart – Author of Chick Bassist and editor of The Book of Cthulhu and Tales of Jack the Ripper.
Danger Slater – International playboy and secret agent. Responsible for writing DangerRAMA and Love Me, and also seducing yo' momma.
Douglas Hackle, AKA "Tha Hustla" – Author of Clown Tear Junkies and contributor to The Surreal Grotesque and certain other e-zines of ill repute.
John McNee – The author of Grudgepunk delivers the next highly anticipated story from Grudgehaven.
Jessica McHugh – Author of Rabbits in the Garden and Pins, she's also appeared in multiple anthologies including “Death to the Brothers Grimm”.
Arthur Graham – Just some guy who takes nude photos of himself and edits books on the side.
Eirik Gumeny – Author of the Exponential Apocalypse series and former editor of Jersey Devil Press.
Jeff O’Brien – To date he has seven books under his belt, including The Splatter House Rules, The Halloween Orgy Massacre, and Bigboobenstein.
Grady Hendrix – Has written for Playboy, Slate, the Village Voice, Variety, the New York Post, and now Tall Tales with Short Cocks.
Chanteclaire Coquine (pronounced “Cock-Queen”) – The granddaughter of a notorious South Texas cockfighting kingpin makes her debut in this volume.
David S. Atkinson – author of The Garden of Good and Evil Pancakes (spring 2014), Bones Buried in the Dirt, and anything else you're gullible enough to believe if it makes you pick up the restaurant check.
165 pages, Kindle Edition
First published December 18, 2013
7 people are currently reading
320 people want to read
About the author
Arthur Graham
80 books690 followersArthur Graham writes and edits for a living. Cofounder and former head editor of Rooster Republic Press. Current Editor in Chief of Horror Sleaze Trash.
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Displaying 1 - 15 of 15 reviews
July 1, 2021
as of this morning, i am sixteen book reviews behind. SIXTEEN!! how does that even happen to a reader? as a result, i am going to cut corners with this review, but i will cut them as though with pinking shears, to give flair and zazz to what will essentially be a lazy review. but look at that zazz!!
this is a book of short stories. and what i ordinarily like to do when reviewing a book of short stories is to review the pieces separately and thoughtfully. but—SIXTEEN!
and while i liked several stories in this collection very very much, there were some that just didn't do much for me one way or another. none of them were bad or terrible or worst story ever, but i have a wobbly relationship with both the short story form and the bizarro genre in general, so it's the kind of thing where i have to be very clear-eyed about what i choose to read in both short stories and bizarro, and when it's an anthology situation, it's more of a dice-roll, so it's only natural that i will have a mixed response.
SO—in order to avoid breaking any hearts with "i didn't like this story overmuch" and risk being stalked and—let's be honest—to give the impression that i am writing a thoughtful review but am really just desperately trying to catch up on reviews before i forget what the books were even about, i am going to extract my favorite line from each of these stories and type them out here. i might even get a little frisky here and there and select two sentences or—gasp—a paragraph for clarity's sake.
such generosity of spirit.
so, to begin!!
My Tapir—Danger Slater
Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher—David S. Atkinson
Frequently Asked Questions—Casper Kelly
Dickhead—Ross E. Lockhart
Lucite—Chanteclaire Coquine
A Fat Lot of Bad—John McNee
The Riverbed: Rated Z (in 3-D)—Douglas Hackle
Dalí's Cock—Arthur Graham
How to Survive a Human Outbreak—Bradley Sands
The Girl with the Perfect Hair—Jeff O'Brien
Gnome-Pocalypse—Eirik Gumeny
this one gets two quotes, because this is something i would say, which makes me laugh with recognition:
and this line has to go on record, just because.
(this one was my favorite story, in part because it reminded me of this hilarious bit of monsterporn, but also because it's pretty awesome all on its own)
The Right Stuff—Jessica McHugh
Yeti vs. Bear—Grady Hendrix
the irony/lesson learned of this review is that it actually took me longer to write this than it would have to write a regular, traditional review, because i basically had to read the entire book over again in order to choose the best, most illustrative sentences from each story. so there's that. FIFTEEN MORE TO WRITE TODAY, WHE!
come to my blog!
this is a book of short stories. and what i ordinarily like to do when reviewing a book of short stories is to review the pieces separately and thoughtfully. but—SIXTEEN!
and while i liked several stories in this collection very very much, there were some that just didn't do much for me one way or another. none of them were bad or terrible or worst story ever, but i have a wobbly relationship with both the short story form and the bizarro genre in general, so it's the kind of thing where i have to be very clear-eyed about what i choose to read in both short stories and bizarro, and when it's an anthology situation, it's more of a dice-roll, so it's only natural that i will have a mixed response.
SO—in order to avoid breaking any hearts with "i didn't like this story overmuch" and risk being stalked and—let's be honest—to give the impression that i am writing a thoughtful review but am really just desperately trying to catch up on reviews before i forget what the books were even about, i am going to extract my favorite line from each of these stories and type them out here. i might even get a little frisky here and there and select two sentences or—gasp—a paragraph for clarity's sake.
such generosity of spirit.
so, to begin!!
My Tapir—Danger Slater
"Have there been any reports of tapir attacks recently?" I ask. "Possibly involving a tapir eating someone's significant other and then trying to assume their place? Or perhaps you've gotten wind of some kind of Freaky Friday body-swap shenanigans happening around town?"
"There have been no body-swapping reports filed in the last 24 hours. And tapirs are strict vegetarians, sir," the operator coldly assures me. "I doubt one ate your girlfriend."
"They—they are?"
"Why would I lie to you?"
"My girlfriend is a vegetarian, too."
"Sounds to me like your girlfriend is a tapir, then."
"Yeah," I go. "I suppose she is."
Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher—David S. Atkinson
It would have been one of the nicest evenings I'd ever had in years if she hadn't torched my house while I was still tied to the kitchen wall.
Frequently Asked Questions—Casper Kelly
NeighborBanke ™ is with you 24/7 and everywhere you want to be. We strive to provide a full range of services to serve the whole family, from providing Mom a low-interest loan for a kitchen renovation to our Kid's Money Klub for your son. Speaking of which, we are expanding our services through the bathroom wall right now to make ourselves more accessible to your son who is hiding in the closet. Pardon our progress.
Dickhead—Ross E. Lockhart
I'd read a handful of her stories, and enjoyed them, in spite of their too-heavy-handed polemic. I'd also seen her blog, and knew that if she'd put half as much attention into her fiction as she did her tirades against the patriarchy, she'd be a force to be reckoned with.
Lucite—Chanteclaire Coquine
"I will get you this tongue, but i refuse to put bovine eyeballs in my pussy hole just so you can watch."
A Fat Lot of Bad—John McNee
Lester, from birth, had been blessed with the ability to pass himself off as the outer casing of a premium range vacuum cleaner. It was a gift.
The Riverbed: Rated Z (in 3-D)—Douglas Hackle
The three clowns shot sweet coconut milk into each others' mouths from pinched nipples and ate each other's gourmet butt-fudge and mint nose-jelly with complete and utter abandon.
Dalí's Cock—Arthur Graham
"Curse this infernal cock!" he'd say, chasing it around the house with a bullwhip, or a pair of pruning shears. "I should've listened to Buñuel and got myself a dog instead!"
Dalí was always saying shit like that, especially when he was drunk.
How to Survive a Human Outbreak—Bradley Sands
Roy was depressed. He loved his kittens. He just wanted to take them in his arms and hug them forever and never have to think about using them as bowling pins ever again.
The Girl with the Perfect Hair—Jeff O'Brien
For just as I reached down to grab her ass, I started hearing those same, awful noises again—like a herd of dying moose within her panties.
Gnome-Pocalypse—Eirik Gumeny
this one gets two quotes, because this is something i would say, which makes me laugh with recognition:
"Trick-or-treaters?" Calvin wondered, shoving another Reese's into his mouth.
"Maybe," said Rosa, getting up from the couch. "Give me the bowl."
"It's a plastic pumpkin, not a bowl."
"You're a plastic pumpkin."
and this line has to go on record, just because.
"Great, now we've got fire gnomes."
(this one was my favorite story, in part because it reminded me of this hilarious bit of monsterporn, but also because it's pretty awesome all on its own)
The Right Stuff—Jessica McHugh
Threading the hooks through her tiny nipples proved tricky at first, but with festive red and green balls dangling from her chest, a bit of her old spirit returned.
Yeti vs. Bear—Grady Hendrix
Alexey was a Northern Black Bear. He weighed 480 lbs and stood seven feet tall on his hind legs. His fur was thick and his rock-hard skull could withstand a round from a .22 caliber rifle. He was death on four paws. Hikers felt their bowels turn to ice water when they heard his chainsaw growl. He was massive. He was intimidating. He was terrifying. So he was very surprised to find himself getting punched in the face by a Yeti.
"No hit!" he roared, covering his muzzle with his paws. "No hit bear!"
"Eeeee!" the Yeti screamed, and punched him in the face again.
the irony/lesson learned of this review is that it actually took me longer to write this than it would have to write a regular, traditional review, because i basically had to read the entire book over again in order to choose the best, most illustrative sentences from each story. so there's that. FIFTEEN MORE TO WRITE TODAY, WHE!
come to my blog!
September 20, 2014
"My Tapir", by Danger_Slater
If your significant other transformed into a tapir overnight, would you still love them tomorrow? More mayhem and meditations from the man who brought us Love Me and DangerRAMA.
"Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher", by David S. Atkinson
Commemorating the passing of Britain's esteemed Iron Lady.
"Frequently Asked Questions", by Casper Kelly
Mobile ATMs dispatched to your front door? Now that's what I call customer service! Rooster Republic borrows some talent from Adult Swim on this go-round.
"Dickhead", by Ross E. Lockhart
Trust me, it's not the kind of dick you're thinking of.
"Lucite", by Chanteclaire Coquine
The self-appointed Queen of Cocks ascends the throne in her Rooster Republic debut.
"A Fat Lot of Bad", by John McNee
Jericho returns in the ongoing chronicles of Grudge Punk.
"The Riverbed: Rated Z (in 3-D)", by Douglas Hackle
Fudge, lemonade, and random acts of gayness from the author of Clown Tear Junkies.
"Dalí’s Cock", by Arthur Graham
Basically an extended dick joke with the trappings of a story.
"How to Survive a Human Outbreak", by Bradley Sands
He may be the world's smartest zombie, but Roy is determined to win the Stupid Award and the decomposing heart of Mrs. Zombie in the process.
"The Girl with the Perfect Hair", by Jeff O’Brien
We've all lusted after her lustrous locks at one point or another. But what's her secret? Are you sure you really want to know?
"Gnome-Pocalypse", by Eirik Gumeny
If Calvin and Rosa don't kill each other first, the lawn gnomes just might on this Halloween gone awry.
"The Right Stuff", by Jessica McHugh
They say that more than a handful is a waste, but some poor gals ain't even got a pinch to work with. A twisted cautionary tale of the lengths to which women go for beauty.
"Yeti vs. Bear", by Grady Hendrix
Geopolitics of the animal kingdom. And bad karaoke.
If your significant other transformed into a tapir overnight, would you still love them tomorrow? More mayhem and meditations from the man who brought us Love Me and DangerRAMA.
"Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher", by David S. Atkinson
Commemorating the passing of Britain's esteemed Iron Lady.
"Frequently Asked Questions", by Casper Kelly
Mobile ATMs dispatched to your front door? Now that's what I call customer service! Rooster Republic borrows some talent from Adult Swim on this go-round.
"Dickhead", by Ross E. Lockhart
Trust me, it's not the kind of dick you're thinking of.
"Lucite", by Chanteclaire Coquine
The self-appointed Queen of Cocks ascends the throne in her Rooster Republic debut.
"A Fat Lot of Bad", by John McNee
Jericho returns in the ongoing chronicles of Grudge Punk.
"The Riverbed: Rated Z (in 3-D)", by Douglas Hackle
Fudge, lemonade, and random acts of gayness from the author of Clown Tear Junkies.
"Dalí’s Cock", by Arthur Graham
Basically an extended dick joke with the trappings of a story.
"How to Survive a Human Outbreak", by Bradley Sands
He may be the world's smartest zombie, but Roy is determined to win the Stupid Award and the decomposing heart of Mrs. Zombie in the process.
"The Girl with the Perfect Hair", by Jeff O’Brien
We've all lusted after her lustrous locks at one point or another. But what's her secret? Are you sure you really want to know?
"Gnome-Pocalypse", by Eirik Gumeny
If Calvin and Rosa don't kill each other first, the lawn gnomes just might on this Halloween gone awry.
"The Right Stuff", by Jessica McHugh
They say that more than a handful is a waste, but some poor gals ain't even got a pinch to work with. A twisted cautionary tale of the lengths to which women go for beauty.
"Yeti vs. Bear", by Grady Hendrix
Geopolitics of the animal kingdom. And bad karaoke.
March 7, 2025
Rooster Republic Press hit a grand slam with Tall Tales with Short Cocks Vol. 4. Shamus and Arthur put together a hell of a bunch of writers who spank out loads and loads of good stuff.
Danger Slater – Sometimes love has very poor eyesight, but so do tapirs, which is why you should always make sure your medical insurance covers ”transmogrification, transubstantiation, mutation or any manner of anomalous involuntary nonhuman transfigurement syndrome, and ‘AIN’T’”. Danger is a sensitive lover. He can’t help it if he’s attracted to mammals with short stubby tails and long, flexible proboscises. Here’s a honeymoon photo of the happy couple.
David S. Atkinson –Kidnapping with Margret Thatcher is hilarious! Imagine if you will, Margret Thatcher kidnapping you, torturing you in cruel and unusual ways, e.g., ”she made me eat an entire copy of The Poorly Illustrated Works of Charles Dickens”. This is definitely one of my favorite stories.
Casper Kelly –
That’s all I have to say about that.
Ross E. Lockhart – Sometimes you’re the dick, and sometimes you’re just a dickhead. “Unfortunately, Groggan’s Road of Good Intentions turned out to be paved with turds, since he couldn’t restrain himself from referring to the Saudi villain as a “sand-nigger sheet head,” the love interest as a “silly cunt,” and the protagonist as a “namby-pamby little faggot.” Also, Philip Dick's head.
Chanteclaire Coquine (pronounced “Cock-Queen”) – Trust me, never never never ride the Zipper with two foot long corn dogs in your cunt.
(Is it just me, or does that ride look like a big shiny dick?)
John McNee – McNee is a master at turning anything into awesome. Even though his tale “A Fat Lot of Bad” is about a vacuum cleaner salesman, it totally doesn’t suck!
Douglas Hackle, AKA "Tha Hustla" – When you live in Canton, Ohio, you’re probably gonna drive past at least one “Dirty Little Crackwhore Sex Shop” on your way to work. And if one day your father-in-law asks you to dress up as a clown and go to the sex shop to watch Rated Z movies, just go in, do your thing, and get it over with. I promise it will be more fun than whatever it is you’re doing right now.
Arthur Graham – Never come between a man and his cock.
Bradley Sands – Roy had to suppress his dream of becoming the world’s greatest Candy Land player to take a job as the chief financial officer of Stickin’ Funny Stuff in Your Butt, Inc. But, that’s not all! Kittens and adultery and awards, OH MY!
Jeff O’Brien – The Girl with the Perfect Hair. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe she’s got a freaky alien trio in her pussy and she just wants to fuck you and steal your nuts for the Vitamin E.
Eirik Gumeny – Gnomes are really just tiny fucking assholes. Thank god there’s GAGMGEF - Greater Albuquerque Gay Men’s Gnome Eradication Front to save us all from those little bastards.
Jessica McHugh – Excellent story about tits. Charrie wanted them. Would do anything to have them. ”Charrie was nothing if not a desperate girl – there were Christmas ornaments hanging from her nipples, for shit’s sake.”
Grady Hendrix –
______________
I’m super excited to be able to attend this year’s Texas Frightmare Weekend.
I can’t wait to meet some of my favorite RRP writers. Arthur and E will undoubtedly be on their game, scouting talent, signing tits, and shooting their load all over town. There’s still time to join us. You know there ain’t nothin’ better than hanging out with a bunch of drunken, half naked, cock lovers! I personally guarantee, it will be a great time you won’t soon remember.
Danger Slater – Sometimes love has very poor eyesight, but so do tapirs, which is why you should always make sure your medical insurance covers ”transmogrification, transubstantiation, mutation or any manner of anomalous involuntary nonhuman transfigurement syndrome, and ‘AIN’T’”. Danger is a sensitive lover. He can’t help it if he’s attracted to mammals with short stubby tails and long, flexible proboscises. Here’s a honeymoon photo of the happy couple.
David S. Atkinson –Kidnapping with Margret Thatcher is hilarious! Imagine if you will, Margret Thatcher kidnapping you, torturing you in cruel and unusual ways, e.g., ”she made me eat an entire copy of The Poorly Illustrated Works of Charles Dickens”. This is definitely one of my favorite stories.
Casper Kelly –
That’s all I have to say about that.
Ross E. Lockhart – Sometimes you’re the dick, and sometimes you’re just a dickhead. “Unfortunately, Groggan’s Road of Good Intentions turned out to be paved with turds, since he couldn’t restrain himself from referring to the Saudi villain as a “sand-nigger sheet head,” the love interest as a “silly cunt,” and the protagonist as a “namby-pamby little faggot.” Also, Philip Dick's head.
Chanteclaire Coquine (pronounced “Cock-Queen”) – Trust me, never never never ride the Zipper with two foot long corn dogs in your cunt.
(Is it just me, or does that ride look like a big shiny dick?)
John McNee – McNee is a master at turning anything into awesome. Even though his tale “A Fat Lot of Bad” is about a vacuum cleaner salesman, it totally doesn’t suck!
Douglas Hackle, AKA "Tha Hustla" – When you live in Canton, Ohio, you’re probably gonna drive past at least one “Dirty Little Crackwhore Sex Shop” on your way to work. And if one day your father-in-law asks you to dress up as a clown and go to the sex shop to watch Rated Z movies, just go in, do your thing, and get it over with. I promise it will be more fun than whatever it is you’re doing right now.
Arthur Graham – Never come between a man and his cock.
Bradley Sands – Roy had to suppress his dream of becoming the world’s greatest Candy Land player to take a job as the chief financial officer of Stickin’ Funny Stuff in Your Butt, Inc. But, that’s not all! Kittens and adultery and awards, OH MY!
Jeff O’Brien – The Girl with the Perfect Hair. Maybe she’s born with it, maybe she’s got a freaky alien trio in her pussy and she just wants to fuck you and steal your nuts for the Vitamin E.
Eirik Gumeny – Gnomes are really just tiny fucking assholes. Thank god there’s GAGMGEF - Greater Albuquerque Gay Men’s Gnome Eradication Front to save us all from those little bastards.
Jessica McHugh – Excellent story about tits. Charrie wanted them. Would do anything to have them. ”Charrie was nothing if not a desperate girl – there were Christmas ornaments hanging from her nipples, for shit’s sake.”
Grady Hendrix –
______________
I’m super excited to be able to attend this year’s Texas Frightmare Weekend.
I can’t wait to meet some of my favorite RRP writers. Arthur and E will undoubtedly be on their game, scouting talent, signing tits, and shooting their load all over town. There’s still time to join us. You know there ain’t nothin’ better than hanging out with a bunch of drunken, half naked, cock lovers! I personally guarantee, it will be a great time you won’t soon remember.
April 26, 2014
You're always reading on CNN that women can't write Bizarro. Well, Chanteclaire Coquine (pronounced cock-queen) and Jessica McHugh (pronounced mega-lunch) have proved them wrong. One criticism leveled at Bizarro that you'll find in, say, The New Yorker is that it's a literary tradition mainly comprised of immature men writing stories about their dongs and the many magical and horrible things they can do with them. And, frankly, the storied history of the Tall Tales with Short Cocks series of anthologies has really done very little to dispel this notion. I believe there's only been a single story authored by a woman in one of the previous volumes. So, suffice it to say, I was pleased to read this volume and find two stories written by women wherein they obsess over their naughty bits and all the magical and horrible things they can do with them. Progress! Now, don't get me wrong, I don't think the editors of this series should impose a gender quota. A story should be included based solely on its own merits. It was just nice to see two vaginally-equipped individuals crashing the sausage party.
This was a fine anthology overall. Of course, there were stories that I liked more than others. So, here is my list of favorites (listed in order of appearance):
Dickhead by Ross E. Lockhart
Lucite by Chanteclaire Coquine
A Fat Lot of Bad by John McNee
The Riverbed: Rated Z (in 3-D) by Douglas Hackle
The Right Stuff by Jessica McHugh
Yeti vs. Bear by Grady Hendrix
The funniest story in the bunch was Hackle's piece. I had to suppress laughter several times while reading it because I didn't really want to have to explain to other humans what I was reading and what exactly I found so funny about the reprehensible things Mr. Hackle writes about.
I'd recommend this anthology to all members of the literati and to the editors and publishers of The Library of America.
This was a fine anthology overall. Of course, there were stories that I liked more than others. So, here is my list of favorites (listed in order of appearance):
Dickhead by Ross E. Lockhart
Lucite by Chanteclaire Coquine
A Fat Lot of Bad by John McNee
The Riverbed: Rated Z (in 3-D) by Douglas Hackle
The Right Stuff by Jessica McHugh
Yeti vs. Bear by Grady Hendrix
The funniest story in the bunch was Hackle's piece. I had to suppress laughter several times while reading it because I didn't really want to have to explain to other humans what I was reading and what exactly I found so funny about the reprehensible things Mr. Hackle writes about.
I'd recommend this anthology to all members of the literati and to the editors and publishers of The Library of America.
August 11, 2016
There's plenty to love in this fourth collection of stories bizarre, perverse, disgusting, hilarious, creepy and often just awesome. Whether your appetite for tales calls for sadistic British PMs, bear/Yeti battles, tentacle porn, killer yard gnomes, famous painters and their cocks, alter-zombie universes - there's something for you here.
And can we all just agree that McNee should be confined to a tower until he writes us 10,000 more tales from Grudgehaven? His story included in this collection was my personal favorite.
Now I just need to get some mind bleach to take care of that girl with the perfect hair...
And can we all just agree that McNee should be confined to a tower until he writes us 10,000 more tales from Grudgehaven? His story included in this collection was my personal favorite.
Now I just need to get some mind bleach to take care of that girl with the perfect hair...
January 8, 2014
Why should you buy Short Cocks Vol. 4? Odds are you already have the first three so you need some sort of gentle nudge in the right direction, or a slap in the face with a clown shoe to convince you to buy it.
First let's look at the cover art. Pretty snazzy right? Odds are Roster Republic Press have sold out because let's be honest this is the best cover since Vol 2 and it's based on Danger Slater's brilliant story My Tapir which is just another reason why you should buy this. Maybe Rooster Republic is trying to go mainstream. Is that even possible?
The cover is pretty awesome but as a fan of the series you're probably thinking screw those guys and their fancy ass cover. What about the stories? That's what really matters.
You have Douglas Hackle's The Riverbed: Rated Z (In 3-D) which will probably sicken you but if you've read one of Hackle's stories before you know that the guy is good, and unpredictable. If you like stories about hungry vagina's you have Lucite.
These are stories that are a great deal of fun to read. Danger Slater has a story here and I can't talk shit about the guy because I'm a fan. The only story that caused me to pause a second was Arthur Graham's Dali's Cock. That alone is worth getting the book.
Fact: Short Cock's delivers in a big way. If you're a fan of the series Graham really delivers with this one. I dunno how he got this line up together but there's no way Vol. 5 can top this one because each story here is good. Maybe this is it. There won't be a Vol. 5 because all the money went toward making sure this one eclipsed the other three.
First let's look at the cover art. Pretty snazzy right? Odds are Roster Republic Press have sold out because let's be honest this is the best cover since Vol 2 and it's based on Danger Slater's brilliant story My Tapir which is just another reason why you should buy this. Maybe Rooster Republic is trying to go mainstream. Is that even possible?
The cover is pretty awesome but as a fan of the series you're probably thinking screw those guys and their fancy ass cover. What about the stories? That's what really matters.
You have Douglas Hackle's The Riverbed: Rated Z (In 3-D) which will probably sicken you but if you've read one of Hackle's stories before you know that the guy is good, and unpredictable. If you like stories about hungry vagina's you have Lucite.
These are stories that are a great deal of fun to read. Danger Slater has a story here and I can't talk shit about the guy because I'm a fan. The only story that caused me to pause a second was Arthur Graham's Dali's Cock. That alone is worth getting the book.
Fact: Short Cock's delivers in a big way. If you're a fan of the series Graham really delivers with this one. I dunno how he got this line up together but there's no way Vol. 5 can top this one because each story here is good. Maybe this is it. There won't be a Vol. 5 because all the money went toward making sure this one eclipsed the other three.
September 10, 2016
Biased, perhaps. But, it is fair to say that all of the stories in this anthology are well-written and quite exactly what one might expect from an anthology entitled Tall Tales with Short Cocks.
There is no common thread linking the stories. They are all completely different. Completely and perfectly strange. Each having a life of its own. There is only one thing holding these stories together. BALLS.
It takes big balls to write stories like these. These stories defy genre. They are beta fiction. Unstable, experimental, premature, suspect, incompatible, odd, tentative. These stories defy genre because their writers defy genre. They are undefinable, undeniable creative forces who test the boundaries of everything.
It takes even bigger balls to publish stories like these. Rooster Republic Press knows what they want to publish, and they do it because they can. Arthur and Shamus are visionaries who have looked into the future and see a space where β is the new α. Strange is the new normal. THEY are the new US.
Recommended to: creatives who test invisible boundaries, those who take nothing more seriously than whatever happens next, and those who don't just want...
There is no common thread linking the stories. They are all completely different. Completely and perfectly strange. Each having a life of its own. There is only one thing holding these stories together. BALLS.
It takes big balls to write stories like these. These stories defy genre. They are beta fiction. Unstable, experimental, premature, suspect, incompatible, odd, tentative. These stories defy genre because their writers defy genre. They are undefinable, undeniable creative forces who test the boundaries of everything.
It takes even bigger balls to publish stories like these. Rooster Republic Press knows what they want to publish, and they do it because they can. Arthur and Shamus are visionaries who have looked into the future and see a space where β is the new α. Strange is the new normal. THEY are the new US.
Recommended to: creatives who test invisible boundaries, those who take nothing more seriously than whatever happens next, and those who don't just want...
July 25, 2016
I always pick around 5 stories to review for this series because to be honest…. I'm not always in love with all of the stories.
This volume is the exception.
It’s hard to describe an anthology without summarizing the stories but I’m going to try.
The “Tales From The Crypt” inspired cover is very appropriate because TTwSC 4 is horror heavy. I’d say it’s almost half horror / half funny ass shit. With some funny-ass-horror sprinkled in there.
There’s also some experimental and highly stylized, absurdist fiction laced through the book. It’s an interesting mix of bizarro that almost covers the whole spectrum of the genre.
I know this review is vague, but it’s vague on purpose because I’m not entirely sure who I would recommend the book to. It’s an impossible question to answer because there’s no right answer. Kind of like if a guy puts a gun to your head and asks, “Would you have sex with your Dad to save his life?”
This volume is the exception.
It’s hard to describe an anthology without summarizing the stories but I’m going to try.
The “Tales From The Crypt” inspired cover is very appropriate because TTwSC 4 is horror heavy. I’d say it’s almost half horror / half funny ass shit. With some funny-ass-horror sprinkled in there.
There’s also some experimental and highly stylized, absurdist fiction laced through the book. It’s an interesting mix of bizarro that almost covers the whole spectrum of the genre.
I know this review is vague, but it’s vague on purpose because I’m not entirely sure who I would recommend the book to. It’s an impossible question to answer because there’s no right answer. Kind of like if a guy puts a gun to your head and asks, “Would you have sex with your Dad to save his life?”
December 29, 2013
A really solid anthology. So many of these really stand out and will continue to be ones that I remember. With "Vol. 4," I got my first experience with Chanteclaire Coquine, Bradley Sands and Jessica McHugh. Their stories were great, and I will be reading more from all of them in the future. It was great to get another chapter of "Grudge Punk" as well." Douglas Hackle's short was awesome, as I expected it would be. I could go on about the others as well, as many of them were just as good, but I will sum it up by saying if you are reading this, you should just read the damn book! It's good and you will like it.
December 21, 2013
Since the world doesn't make sense anyway, why not just throw in the towel and read some bizarro fiction? I don't rate my own stuff, so this review only applies to the other stories in this anthology. Regardless, I'm thrilled to have my story alongside these other bizarro tales. Lawn gnome burial grounds, transmogrification into tapirs, killer atms, there is some really bizarre stuff in this one...and a lot of fun. It's everything I've come to love about this series and I can't believe I finally got to be an active part of it in addition to getting to read it all.
September 7, 2016
PENDING A REVIEW:
"Je Ne Suis Pas Plus Con Qu’un Autre"
I was excited to learn that Professor Lucie Garaye , Director of Research at the Centre National de Recherche Erotique, has written a short review of Chanteclaire Coquine’s short story, "Lucite", on her blog"
"I can think of no better example of what I mean when I say 'l'ecriture feminine' or 'l'imaginaire feminine' than 'Lucite'. In fact, she has taken these cuntcepts one step further than even I had ever imagined.
"Women have been taught to think of the phallus as the primary tool in civilization and themselves and their genitalia as a lack or an absence (of such a tool).
"Chanteclaire Coquine objectifies her own minette as a source of energy and dynamism. It has an appetite for seduction that will not desist until it is filled full. Yet, once is not enough, and fulfilment requires more.
Initially, Chanteclaire’s narratrix relates to her minette as 'tu', yet they embark together on a quest that ultimately can only be satisfied by the Sapphic verse works of Polymethyl Methacrylate .
"At the moment of climax, she and her lips come together. She gets back in touch with herself. 'Tu' becomes part of 'nous' . What started as an Object becomes part of the Subject. Their pleasure consists of moving and being moved by each other, endlessly. Her minette is openness in perpetual motion. Always in movement, this openness is neither spent nor sated. This is the plight of women, but it is also our pleasure."
Object and Subject Become One
"Je Ne Suis Pas Plus Con Qu’un Autre"
I was excited to learn that Professor Lucie Garaye , Director of Research at the Centre National de Recherche Erotique, has written a short review of Chanteclaire Coquine’s short story, "Lucite", on her blog"
"I can think of no better example of what I mean when I say 'l'ecriture feminine' or 'l'imaginaire feminine' than 'Lucite'. In fact, she has taken these cuntcepts one step further than even I had ever imagined.
"Women have been taught to think of the phallus as the primary tool in civilization and themselves and their genitalia as a lack or an absence (of such a tool).
"Chanteclaire Coquine objectifies her own minette as a source of energy and dynamism. It has an appetite for seduction that will not desist until it is filled full. Yet, once is not enough, and fulfilment requires more.
Initially, Chanteclaire’s narratrix relates to her minette as 'tu', yet they embark together on a quest that ultimately can only be satisfied by the Sapphic verse works of Polymethyl Methacrylate .
"At the moment of climax, she and her lips come together. She gets back in touch with herself. 'Tu' becomes part of 'nous' . What started as an Object becomes part of the Subject. Their pleasure consists of moving and being moved by each other, endlessly. Her minette is openness in perpetual motion. Always in movement, this openness is neither spent nor sated. This is the plight of women, but it is also our pleasure."
Object and Subject Become One
December 23, 2013
I have always liked The Metamorphosis by Franz Kafka since reading it in high school. Maybe that helps explain why I thought "My Tapir" by Danger_Slater was so amusing. I found the old ladies in the Monty Python skits a scream to watch.I also admire strong woman.Therefore I loved "Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher" by David S. Atkinson.Humor-or what I call humor-is what I most like to read,so I enjoyed a lot of these stories.
December 28, 2015
Cocks, more tales, more absurdity, play through out these pages in the fourth Volume of Tale Tales with Short Cocks. Some of my favorite short story authors (Douglas Hackel, Danger Slater, and Jeff O'Brien) along with new authors (Chanteclaire, Eirik Gumney, and John McNee) make this collection worth the read. This collection had a lot of fun characters with distinct adorable voices.
MY TAPIR BY DOUGLAS HACKLE: The short story that inspired the cover art, Hackel's short story is a fun weird little tale of love, freedom, and acceptance among a very strange animal morphing world...this was a weird one. - THREE STARS
KIDNAPPING WITH MARGARET THATCHER BY DAVID S. ATKINSON: A sadomasochistic relationship with Margaret Thatcher can be every bit of tiresome. - THREE STARS
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS BY CASPER KELLY: In a generation where itechnology basically calls the shots, and people craving more and more instant gratification from their services, it's no surprise that eventually the techonolgy will be out of our hands and destroy what comfortable lifestyle we already have. I loved this story. -FOUR STARS
DICKHEAD BY ROSS E. LOCKHART- When the robot head of Philip K. Dick is mailed to the home of Groggan, eccentric writer and editor, the quest to put the pieces together begin and the purpose of the strange robot head is revealed. With the help of his ex-wife and co-worker, all is brought to light once Dickhead is able to speak. Love the character of the boozing, womanizing Groggan and the story as a whole was really good. - FOUR STARS
LUCITE BY CHANTECLAIRE: HA! Take Little Shop of Horrors and the Vagina Monologues and you get LUCITE! Tauraline is a very demanding insatiable little cunt....literally. She owns her owner and will stop at nothing until she is fed an adequate length and girth of something so orgasmic she shuts her trap long enough to give her human a moment's piece. What they find to work the best is a glowing ending. First time reading this author and I enjoyed the lewd, trashy talking vagina. - FOUR STARS
A FAT LOAD OF BAD BY JOHN MCNEE: I have heard of this writer through other bizarro fans, and his book GRUDGE PUNK comes highly recommended. In this short story we get a small taste of Grudgehaven and it's inhabitants. Wally and Lester are a duo of scheming scamsters. With Lester the shape of a silver vacuum like object, he easily passes as the household machine many Grudgehaven housewives could use. The tables turn when Wally drops Lester of at Mrs. Pennypacker's house for a trial run and what they discover may have them thinking twice about their further scams. LOVE this story and plan on reading GRUDGE PUNK very soon. - FIVE STARS
THE RIVERBED RATED Z IN 3-D BY DOUGLAS HACKEL: I'm a big fan of Mr. Hackel's absurd random blue dick short stories. They tend to be a bit over the place but entertaining and original. This particular short story wasn't my favorite. A man and his Father in Law decide to skip work and watch one of the Rated Z movies (reserved for ages 100 and up) at the local sex theater. The movie pulls the men into a lemonade swirled river of butt fudge lunacy. -THREE STARS
DALI'S COCK BY ARTHUR GRAHAM: Dali's Cock must learn to not talk back, disobey, or disrespect and who better to beat a cock into submission other than Dali himself. Dali's cock is fed up with the beatings and the abuse and after almost succumbing to death multiple times, Dali's cock take's his future into his own hands. I liked this story a lot for it's originality and the wordplay on 'Dali's cock' Took me a few pages to realize the cock is a cock and but a cock ha! Really enjoyed this tale and felt super sad for Dali's cock quite a few times. - FOUR STARS
HOW TO SURVIVE A HUMAN OUTBREAK BY BRADLEY SANDS: Planet Zombie is home to all the mr. mrs. zombies of the world. In an attempt to be awarded the Stupidest Zombie, Roy must....where the house wearing pants. THAT'LL SHOW EM!~ However more attention is being paid to the new life forms that have begun to inhabit their planet. If Roy doesn't reach the Zombie President in time to address the zombies they have nothing to fear of the life forms, his planet will be doomed!!! Pretty hilarious read this one. I loved the zombie dialogue which is broken up and silly. - FIVE STARS
THE GIRL WITH THE PERFECT HAIR BY JEFF O'BRIEN: I reviewed this short story in Jeff's collection TALES FROM THE GLORY HOLE.
GNOME-POCALYPSE BY EIRIK GUMNEY: A husband believes his house is built on an ancient gnome burial ground. His wife of course thinks he is crazy and just giving her shit for her gnome collection. However when the yard is overran with the broken bodies of lawn gnomes pushing against all odds to get in and kill the couple...well the husband start's to look a bit more sane. Loved this story bunches! The couple's dialogue alone is hilarious without being off putting. Reminded me a lot of a Goosebumps episode for adults. -FIVE STARS
THE RIGHT STUFF BY JESSICA MCHUGH: How far would you go to become beautiful? For Flat-Chested Charrie, there are no limits. When there are no limits, one tends to lose site of what they are really striving for and perfection becomes defeat. Kinda sad little story and I liked the jello pudding referance (whether or not it was geared towards the Now and Then movie, one will never know).
YETI VS. BEAR BY GRADY HENDRIX: Exactly as the title lets on this story is about the rivalry between yeti and bear. Alexey is a shy bear with a chubby face. Shy, awkward, and nervous the poor thing rarely gets a full sentence out. So it comes as a surprise when Alexey takes it apon himself to enlist man's help in destroying the yeti's. Very sweet story and again another story that made me feel bad for the character at times.
MY TAPIR BY DOUGLAS HACKLE: The short story that inspired the cover art, Hackel's short story is a fun weird little tale of love, freedom, and acceptance among a very strange animal morphing world...this was a weird one. - THREE STARS
KIDNAPPING WITH MARGARET THATCHER BY DAVID S. ATKINSON: A sadomasochistic relationship with Margaret Thatcher can be every bit of tiresome. - THREE STARS
FREQUENTLY ASKED QUESTIONS BY CASPER KELLY: In a generation where itechnology basically calls the shots, and people craving more and more instant gratification from their services, it's no surprise that eventually the techonolgy will be out of our hands and destroy what comfortable lifestyle we already have. I loved this story. -FOUR STARS
DICKHEAD BY ROSS E. LOCKHART- When the robot head of Philip K. Dick is mailed to the home of Groggan, eccentric writer and editor, the quest to put the pieces together begin and the purpose of the strange robot head is revealed. With the help of his ex-wife and co-worker, all is brought to light once Dickhead is able to speak. Love the character of the boozing, womanizing Groggan and the story as a whole was really good. - FOUR STARS
LUCITE BY CHANTECLAIRE: HA! Take Little Shop of Horrors and the Vagina Monologues and you get LUCITE! Tauraline is a very demanding insatiable little cunt....literally. She owns her owner and will stop at nothing until she is fed an adequate length and girth of something so orgasmic she shuts her trap long enough to give her human a moment's piece. What they find to work the best is a glowing ending. First time reading this author and I enjoyed the lewd, trashy talking vagina. - FOUR STARS
A FAT LOAD OF BAD BY JOHN MCNEE: I have heard of this writer through other bizarro fans, and his book GRUDGE PUNK comes highly recommended. In this short story we get a small taste of Grudgehaven and it's inhabitants. Wally and Lester are a duo of scheming scamsters. With Lester the shape of a silver vacuum like object, he easily passes as the household machine many Grudgehaven housewives could use. The tables turn when Wally drops Lester of at Mrs. Pennypacker's house for a trial run and what they discover may have them thinking twice about their further scams. LOVE this story and plan on reading GRUDGE PUNK very soon. - FIVE STARS
THE RIVERBED RATED Z IN 3-D BY DOUGLAS HACKEL: I'm a big fan of Mr. Hackel's absurd random blue dick short stories. They tend to be a bit over the place but entertaining and original. This particular short story wasn't my favorite. A man and his Father in Law decide to skip work and watch one of the Rated Z movies (reserved for ages 100 and up) at the local sex theater. The movie pulls the men into a lemonade swirled river of butt fudge lunacy. -THREE STARS
DALI'S COCK BY ARTHUR GRAHAM: Dali's Cock must learn to not talk back, disobey, or disrespect and who better to beat a cock into submission other than Dali himself. Dali's cock is fed up with the beatings and the abuse and after almost succumbing to death multiple times, Dali's cock take's his future into his own hands. I liked this story a lot for it's originality and the wordplay on 'Dali's cock' Took me a few pages to realize the cock is a cock and but a cock ha! Really enjoyed this tale and felt super sad for Dali's cock quite a few times. - FOUR STARS
HOW TO SURVIVE A HUMAN OUTBREAK BY BRADLEY SANDS: Planet Zombie is home to all the mr. mrs. zombies of the world. In an attempt to be awarded the Stupidest Zombie, Roy must....where the house wearing pants. THAT'LL SHOW EM!~ However more attention is being paid to the new life forms that have begun to inhabit their planet. If Roy doesn't reach the Zombie President in time to address the zombies they have nothing to fear of the life forms, his planet will be doomed!!! Pretty hilarious read this one. I loved the zombie dialogue which is broken up and silly. - FIVE STARS
THE GIRL WITH THE PERFECT HAIR BY JEFF O'BRIEN: I reviewed this short story in Jeff's collection TALES FROM THE GLORY HOLE.
GNOME-POCALYPSE BY EIRIK GUMNEY: A husband believes his house is built on an ancient gnome burial ground. His wife of course thinks he is crazy and just giving her shit for her gnome collection. However when the yard is overran with the broken bodies of lawn gnomes pushing against all odds to get in and kill the couple...well the husband start's to look a bit more sane. Loved this story bunches! The couple's dialogue alone is hilarious without being off putting. Reminded me a lot of a Goosebumps episode for adults. -FIVE STARS
THE RIGHT STUFF BY JESSICA MCHUGH: How far would you go to become beautiful? For Flat-Chested Charrie, there are no limits. When there are no limits, one tends to lose site of what they are really striving for and perfection becomes defeat. Kinda sad little story and I liked the jello pudding referance (whether or not it was geared towards the Now and Then movie, one will never know).
YETI VS. BEAR BY GRADY HENDRIX: Exactly as the title lets on this story is about the rivalry between yeti and bear. Alexey is a shy bear with a chubby face. Shy, awkward, and nervous the poor thing rarely gets a full sentence out. So it comes as a surprise when Alexey takes it apon himself to enlist man's help in destroying the yeti's. Very sweet story and again another story that made me feel bad for the character at times.
August 13, 2016
Another anthology with some of my favorite new writers. Obviously a must-read for fans of Danger Slater, John McNee, Douglas Hackle, and Arthur Graham. However, this volume is unique because, so far, it has the greatest mix of known bizzaro authors and up-and-coming-super-stars like Jessica McHugh and Chanteclaire Conquine. This guarantees the reader will have a few stories that are excellent by anyone's standard while giving other authors a chance in the spot light. It is of the same quality that all Rooster Republic books have, and while I may not have enjoyed it as much as previous volumes, let's be fair, I've NEVER liked Casper Kelly's work. I'm dead inside and rarely feel emotions beyond indifference and apathy, which is a greater condemnation of myself than the writer(s). Honestly, my only complaint is that this book didn't quite have the balance that other volumes had, and that might have affected how I judged the other works (starting with Slater is a lot like starting with David Bowie and expecting people to appreciate Harry Nilsson, both are great, but not in the same way, though honestly, I don't think I'm the only one buying these for just a few of the authors featured).
When you finish this volume you'll wish their was more, not because it ends too soon, but everything else you'll read will seem flat and trite for a bit. Then you'll log onto RR's site and find you can get more. For fans of the big names this book is a treat, for fans of the bizzaro genre, its a delightful acid trip with few bumps, and for the dead inside its a reminder that the world is full of joy and humor that is beyond their ability to embrace.
Lastly, a note on the cover art, that is the most fuckable tapir I've ever seen. Not that I've seen a lot of tapirs I would have a relationship with, but its clear that guy has figured out the implication of a tapir tongue too.
When you finish this volume you'll wish their was more, not because it ends too soon, but everything else you'll read will seem flat and trite for a bit. Then you'll log onto RR's site and find you can get more. For fans of the big names this book is a treat, for fans of the bizzaro genre, its a delightful acid trip with few bumps, and for the dead inside its a reminder that the world is full of joy and humor that is beyond their ability to embrace.
Lastly, a note on the cover art, that is the most fuckable tapir I've ever seen. Not that I've seen a lot of tapirs I would have a relationship with, but its clear that guy has figured out the implication of a tapir tongue too.
August 30, 2017
I really enjoyed this collection even though (as is the case for almost all collections) there were a few stories that weren't quite there for me. There weren't any bad ones here however (even if the zombie story was a bit repetitive) I finished reading this week's ago but didn't take any notes so my favorites below are not the only ones I liked but they are the ones that made a big enough impression that they came to mind right away.
Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher ~ David S. Atkinson
Very surreal and the choice of the Iron Lady really worked.
Frequently Asked Questions ~ Casper Kelly
Murderous ATM? Yes please!
A Fat Lot of Bad ~ John McNee
I absolutely love Grudgehaven, one of my favorite settings. This was of course another great story from McNee.
Gnome-Pocalypse ~ Eirik Gumeny
Fun story, the back & forth between Calvin and Rosa was quite entertaining.
Yeti vs. Bear ~ Grady Hendrix
I was surprised at how well the various bears were characterized, that really brought it to life for me.
Kidnapping with Margaret Thatcher ~ David S. Atkinson
Very surreal and the choice of the Iron Lady really worked.
Frequently Asked Questions ~ Casper Kelly
Murderous ATM? Yes please!
A Fat Lot of Bad ~ John McNee
I absolutely love Grudgehaven, one of my favorite settings. This was of course another great story from McNee.
Gnome-Pocalypse ~ Eirik Gumeny
Fun story, the back & forth between Calvin and Rosa was quite entertaining.
Yeti vs. Bear ~ Grady Hendrix
I was surprised at how well the various bears were characterized, that really brought it to life for me.
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