Apocalypse Child: Surviving Doomsday and the Search for Identity at the End of the World

by Carly Butler

Carly Butler was a lively, imaginative child being raised by her strong and independent mom, DJ, in 1990s Montana. Then, a whisper of a threatened future began to grow Y2k was coming. Believing every conspiracy theory and Evangelical Christian prediction they encountered to be true, Carly and her mother flee to the Canadian wilderness, leaving behind Barbies and Nintendo for chopping wood and shooting empty bottles for target practice. They connected with other Evangelical Christians preparing for doomsday, but were often stranded alone, without electricity, for weeks at a time as the winter— and the apocalypse— approached. But what happens when the world doesn’ t end, after all? Apocalypse Child is a startling memoir about growing up in a tumultuous home, coming of age in isolation, and trying to figure out how to connect as an adult when your education has consisted of conspiracy theories, survivalist measures, and religious doctrine. From doomsday preparation and ideologies of purity and paranoia to motherhood and explorations of a burgeoning queer, Mexican-Indigenous identity, Carly Butler takes us on a gripping journey of resilience, self-discovery, and community.

Genres: Nonfiction, Memoir, Canada, Canadian Literature, Biography

246 pages, Paperback

Published March 29, 2024

Reviews

[Sirius Heart · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been a friend of the author's for 25 years and received an ARC in exchange for my honest review. This is my honest review.

For most of our friendship (yes, all 20+ years) I have encouraged Carly to write her story. Not only because her story is gripping, but because Carly is one of the most talented writers I have known. Her writing engenders an engaging dialogue that makes you feel like you're chatting in her home kitchen while you both clean up the dishes. It has that unique quality of being both homey and drawing you right in.

Apocalypse Child handles tough themes and raw emotions without feeling like "trauma porn" or attention grabbing. An exploration of the author's journey from a trapped kid on a remote property preparing for the apocalypse, to building a life, home, and family for herself and discovering it was -actually- possible... I have chills just writing this sentence. It was so touching and moving. Despite knowing the author for the past 25+ years, I learned things I didn't know and felt touched personally on a level I didn't expect. This book has reminded me of my own desire to craft a life after what I've experienced. If you survived extreme evangelical Christianity, grew up with a white mom as a biracial Indigequeer person, or have had to navigate disability while being a parent, I have every confidence you'll feel the same. If anything, you'll know that you're not alone.

The only thing I wished was that the book would go on - I could have read at least a hundred more pages! A masterpiece with the vibe of Tara Westover's Educated meets disability meets exploring Indigeneity and queerness. I highly recommend.

[Emma Morrison · Rating 5 out of 5]

I was lucky enough to receive an ARC of Apocalypse Child from Caitlin Press, in exchange for my honest review. The author is a close friend of mine, and this is my honest opinion. (Please scroll to the bottom for content warnings)

While the subject matter is quite difficult, Carly manages to handle it with grace and gentleness, both for herself and the others in her life that she writes about. The other “characters” in the book feel so real that I could almost imagine hearing their voices in the dialogue. Carly’s mother in particular sticks out as being especially vivid, and Carly manages to share the truth without making her mother into a villain. The book is incredibly well-balanced, with Carly often working through what she thinks the perspectives of others might be.

Carly’s authorial voice is incredibly strong and well developed, evoking a roller coaster of emotions as she lays out her life, and reflects on what it means to be alive through so many tiny apocalypses. Carly provides vivid and visceral imagery that will leave you feeling like you lived these things yourself, and also makes you laugh through tears. Her search for connection, meaning, and identity through the course of the book will ring as universal truths to many readers of many backgrounds.

This is an absolutely incredible read, and is sure to hit home with anyone who has experienced the trauma of zealous evangelical Christianity, or a fly-by-night parent who doesn’t always tell the truth in the name of a “greater good”. Perfect for fans of Tara Westover’s Educated and Dean Winchester. I could have read 100 more pages, easily.

Content Warnings
Graphic: Medical trauma, Medical content, and Miscarriage
Moderate: Child abuse, Child death, Self harm, Sexual violence, Sexual assault, Sexual content, and Sexual harassment
Minor: Homophobia, Infidelity, Racism, Religious bigotry, Suicide, and Xenophobia

[Cameron Golder · Rating 5 out of 5]

I knew Carly as a lively choir singer when I was 10 years old. Reading her story was a privilege, as there are so many things she shared that I had no clue she was faced with when I knew her all those years ago. Wow. And her first book???? Wow.

[Kaz Watson · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a saturated and powerful story, I can’t believe it was not even 250 pages.

[Josiah · Rating 5 out of 5]

It can be incredibly difficult to tell your own story - doubly so when you grow up in a culture that is constantly telling you that yours doesn't matter because you won't live to have one. Even just for that reason, Carly's story is a triumph. However, there's many more reasons this book is amazing.

There's a level of vulnerability required when telling a story like this, not just of yourself, but of the people in your life that shaped you into who you are. It would be very easy for Carly's story to cast some of these people as villains. However, they're treated with compassion and understanding; not by obfuscating the horrible things they did or the trauma they inflicted on her - these things are presented in all their raw reality - but by presenting them as whole people, the good and the bad. It's a testament to Carly's character that she paints such an honest picture of them, and in that portrayal it feels like another victory over the circumstances of her upbringing, in keeping with the themes of her story.

If you like books like "Educated" and "The Glass Castle" or other stories of overcoming the trauma of a high-control religious upbringing, this book is for you.

If you grew up reading Left Behind and Frank Peretti and Ted Dekker and internalized all the anxiety of being a soldier in the Lord's army and the impending end of the world, this book is for you.

If you have left the beliefs of your parents behind and struggle navigating relationships with them, this book is for you.

If you grew up in an environment that caused you to become disconnected from your body and are learning to rediscover that connection, this book is for you.

If you just love a good story with a great narrative arc, this book is for you.

Like all the best stories, Carly's memoir touches at the core of who we are as humans and the questions we all struggle with - who am I? Why am I here? - but makes it all the more poignant by adding her unique perspective on what those questions look like after "surviving the apocalypse". I'm grateful for her bravery in providing her story to us, here on the other side of "the end of the world".

[Lizzi Lewis · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've been friends with Carly for more than 10 years, and have been so excited to see her writing blossom from blogging to a REAL LIVE BOOK - that transition is immensely hard and I am so proud of her. I was glad to receive an advanced copy of Apocalypse Child in exchange for my honest review (which follows) - having been one of Carly's beta readers for early chapters, I couldn't WAIT for the whole thing and it did not disappoint!

Carly's writing is incredibly engaging and accessible; Apolcalypse Child offers an immersive reading experience, with powerful sensory imagery and evocative emotional content to convey her experiences. She takes us with her, allowing us to share the core memories, random happenstances, and the nitty gritty of her life, creating instant rapport with her readers as we go from 'then' to 'now'.

Trauma (both regular and religious), challenge, hilarity, heartbreak, and an altogether extraordinary life lived by author Carly Button, are written with deep reflection and great beauty in her memoir. It is immediately compelling, and the trope 'a rollercoaster ride of a book' was MADE for this memoir.

Those of us with religious trauma are likely to find huge resonance not only in the situations and conversations recounted, but in the countering thoughts Carly poses - those seeds of doubt that were sown in the disconnect between a loving God and the abuses of religion. Those of us spared religious trauma will nonetheless gain insight into the mechanisms of religion that divests itself of love and tries to coat isolation and terror with a veneer of Biblical justification.

In the meantime, the challenges (physical, emotional, social, and economical) of growing up in turmoil and trying to exist as an adult in a world rapidly evolving into a hellscape for all but the most privileged, are shared with intense vulnerabilty and introspection. The way Carly gives us a window into her world and her thoughts through the situations she faced, leaves her readers deeply invested and rooting for her from the offset.

[Em · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's hard to put into words just how much I loved reading this book. After following Carly's writing journey and waiting impatiently for this absolute banger of a debut, it was such a joy to finally read it, and honestly, 5 stars aren't enough.

This book made me feel seen. It made me feel raw. It was funny and vulnerable and honest and brutal, and I loved every page. Carly recounts her life as an unwitting illegal immigrant to Canada and the trials she faced growing up living off the grid while preparing for the apocalypse. She beautifully talks about her struggle for her identity and how she came to find it, as well as uses her book to answer the question: what do you do when the only life you were ever prepared for just ... doesn't happen? She answers these questions with grace and humour.

Aside from the bat-shit crazy events of her life that she has memorialized in these pages, Carly has a mastery of language that I truly enjoyed. Some of my favorite lines, in no particular order: "There was just ... something ... about breasts glowing in the moonlight on the eve of revolution." Same girl, same. Also, describing a creepy old man looks as though "the Malborough man and a cooked spaghetti noodle made a baby" sent me into hysterics. 10/10. And finally, one of the final lines of the book, which I feel encapsulates her work perfectly: "Apocalypse had tried to chase me down and swallow me whole for years - but I was still here."

What can I say. Read the damn book.

[Jessica · Rating 5 out of 5]

Highly recommend this tender-hearted coming-of-age memoir set in the landscape of the beautiful Pacific Northwest.

Reminiscent of The Glass Castle, Carly's memoir is one of a child who is convinced by a parent that the end of days is near and will occur at the dawn of the new millennium. She realizes as the clocks strike midnight that the prophecies she'd been told may be false, simple religious conspiracies that will no doubt sound silly to most readers. But for those of us who grew up in the Christian church in the 90s and 00's, the spirit of fanatic evangelism and language of guilt and obedience through out the book may hit close to home.

Somehow, Carly is able to tell her story with an abundance of grace and compassion. It reads beautifully and the reader will cheer her on along the way!

Thank you for telling your story, Carly! So many readers will be able to see themselves in it. I hope all the girls who were plagued with Good Girl Syndrome from growing up in the church will be able to grow into strong women like you who are able to fully come into themselves and their identity.

[Meghan Jane · Rating 5 out of 5]

Don’t read this book if you value getting 8 hours of sleep every night! Carly’s storytelling was so vivid and personal, I just couldn’t put it down. I think part of what made it a page-turner was the very familiar northern B.C. places mixed with a very unbelievable set of events that made Carly’s life dangerous and difficult.

Yet Carly is so generous in the way she tells her story — she doesn’t demonize her mom. She makes every effort to extend empathy and understanding to even the most delusional people. If you’re interested in conspiracy theories and the impacts of American evangelicalism on society — this is a really important read. As each predicted “end of the world” date passes, as time and time again her mom is proved wrong, the reader gets to sit with Carly as she rationalizes things from a teenager’s perspective. Watching Carly hold two or more dissonant beliefs at the same time is so relatable to many of us who grew up with a level of religious indoctrination.

It’s a beautifully written book with heart (and I’m assuming tears) poured into the pages. You won’t regret this read.

[Leticia · Rating 5 out of 5]

Carly Butler is a natural storyteller. The fact that this is her first book is hard to believe. Each short chapter guides you to the next one so naturally that, as a reader, I felt quickly engaged in her story and turning pages without notice. 3 days later, I had 75% of the book finished. I put the book down then and waited for a good day, when I didn't have anything else to do, so I could give her book my whole attention, and I'm glad I did. Now that I'm finished her book, all I can say is that I'll be right here waiting for Carly's next one. :)

The Christian Apocalypse is a phobia, an obsession and a trauma to many, yet we fail miserably to notice that the world ends every day around us. People lose their jobs, hopes, lives, children get sick, old folks lose their homes, bombs are dropped, tyrants get elected (again), the list goes on. Carly's memoir remind us that in one of those events we have no power or choice, but we can be there for those every day endings as well as for new beginnings.

[Renee McFadden · Rating 5 out of 5]

Reading snippets of Carly’s blog posts and social media from years past was like setting a beautiful table, I knew she had such a way with words! Having the privilege of hearing her tell stories in person more recently was like the warm bowl of soup as an appetizer, nourishing and thought-provoking. Finally reading her memoir this week was like sitting down with a beautiful entree dinner meal - the main course! Carly’s voice is honest, vulnerable, poignant and courageous. The chapters in her life are in parts equally both relatable and yet mystifying. We experienced many of the same growing up years and milestones yet from nearly opposite circumstances. Carly displays a brilliant resiliency reflecting on living a life always in-between “where Apocalypse may strike daily but the world never ends.”

[Heather McCoy · Rating 5 out of 5]

I've had the honor and privilege of hearing parts of Carlys story over the last decade and I thought I knew what was in store. This beautifully written memoir is not only the most authentically honest book I've ever read but also one of the most moving things I've ever read. I found myself on a roller coaster of emotions with each page from heart break to elation. The incredible eyes and heart and brain Carly has been gifted and cultivated through time is completely incredible. To be able to endure and thrive, honor and love and then somehow capture it all and completely capture the essence in words truly humbles me and blows me away. I can't wait to get to read more of her books and writing in the future.

[Xandria Ahlbrand · Rating 5 out of 5]

Picked this up the other day and haven’t been able to put it down. It’s refreshing reading a book that hits ‘so close to home’, growing up in generally the same area… it’s easy to visual many of the same things. It’s a roller coaster, it’s beautifully written. My heart goes out to the life Carly had. But complete amazement with how she’s over come it all. Beautifully written, it’s a wonderful book. I hope to read more like this in the future from Carly.

[Storm C. · Rating 5 out of 5]

Where to begin? This is such an amazing story from Carly, whose online connection I’ve valued and appreciated for years now. I’ve eagerly awaited her memoir since she began writing it. I both see Carly and feel seen by her as she tells her story with bravery and vulnerability. If it’s true that our souls are our stories, it explains the way I feel love, truth, and connection on each page. I highly recommend it!

[Britt · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wow. Carly is such an amazingly strong and well-written woman with a very powerful story. I was lucky enough to meet Carly as one of my camp counselors when I was a kid. I'm even more privileged now to read her story and reconnect with her. She recently came to share her book at our library and hearing her read excerpts was so moving. Her story is one that is worth hearing and is so easy to read. 10/10. Would a million times recommend. Thank you, Carly, for sharing your story.

[Adam Smith · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book, although it was a bit unevenly paced and could have, in my opinion, benefitted from more detail in sections. I think that the author has a fantastic story and told it well. I did pick it up as the title suggested it may be more of a book related to cults and religious fanaticism, but found a book about a young woman coming of age in circumstances on the outskirts of those topics. A good read nonetheless!

[C · Rating 5 out of 5]

I am so enjoying this complex bittersweet melody that Carly has poured from her heart. if you're looking for something that is going to capture your attention and make you sit with yourself and the world you MUST READ. She is so talented and has so much to express and I'm so happy and thankful she has written this for her and for all of us.

[Bethany · Rating 5 out of 5]

I have been lucky enough to know Carly a little bit on Twitter over the years and had heard bits and pieces of her story. But I was still not prepared for the full thing. Carly is an absolutely beautiful writer and she walks us through her unusual life with a remarkable amount of compassion, humor, and honesty. I feel so privileged to have had a chance to read it.

[Tara · Rating 5 out of 5]

Wowzers. This book made me feel all the feels and then some. You know how there are just some people you learn about in life and you know they’d be one of the the coolest, most inspirational people you could give as an answer to “if you could invite X amount of people to dinner, who would you choose?” Carly Butler is one of those kinds of people who would be great to pick.
⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ 5/5

[Denise Goodkey · Rating 4 out of 5]

An interesting story of a kid being raised by a mother who was a religious nut, a prepper and a bit of a conspiracy theorist. They fled to rural Canada ( from the U.S. ) to avoid 'the end of the world' which supposedly was to happen on January 1st 2000. Eventually the author starts to think for herself, and the story carries on from there.

[Danielle Rettie · Rating 5 out of 5]

I currently live in Smithers. I’m originally from Calgary(urban) so Smithers is quite different from the city. I have been superficially exposed to the radical Christian community but this book illustrates the depths that some people go to.

I admire Carly’s perspective, her writing style. It was beautiful and shocking.

Highly recommend this book!

[Janessa · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the most compelling memoirs I’ve read- I will be thinking about Carly’s story for a long time. I am impressed by her ability to honour the people and places that shaped her with both grace and compassion. And compassion for herself. Highly recommend!

[Trish · Rating 5 out of 5]

I met Carly in about the middle of the book (the Bella Coola chapter) so I'm a bit biased, but this is such a fascinating story. Recommend it to all my friends who are in the process of deconstructing or reconnecting with their identities.

[Anna A · Rating 2 out of 5]

As someone who grew up in Northern BC (and in many of the locations described by the author), I wanted so badly to enjoy this book…. But it fell short.

I look forward to reading more of Carly Butlers books once she fine-tunes her craft.

[Megan Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I really enjoyed this book! Interesting read about how someone can process and learn about their roots through life. I also liked the Canadian setting of this book.

[Nicole · Rating 5 out of 5]

I loved the book. It is very well written and I was captivated from the first sentence.

[Kim · Rating 5 out of 5]

This book was spellbinding. Carly's voice is genuine and thoughtful, curious and mindful, lighthearted and sincere. She uses this not only to tell her story, but a story that weaves the world of the Y2K frenzy (from a fascinating perspective I had never considered), and the aftermath that followed. I was held in rapt attention. This is an author to pay attention to, and a phenomal, engaging, beautiful first book.