May Cause Side Effects: A Memoir

by Brooke Siem

An unforgettable memoir about the turmoil of antidepressant withdrawal and the work it takes to unravel the stories we tell ourselves to rationalize our suffering.  Brooke Siem was among the first generation of minors to be prescribed antidepressants. Initially diagnosed and treated in the wake of her father’s sudden death, this psychiatric intervention sent a message that something was pathologically wrong with her and that the only “fix” was medication. As a teenager, she stepped into the hazy world of antidepressants just at the time when she was forming the foundation of her identity. For the following fifteen years, every situation she faced was seen through the lens of brokenness.  A decade and a half later, still on the same cocktail of drugs, Brooke found herself hanging halfway out her Manhattan high-rise window, calculating the time it would take to hit the ground. As she looked for breaks in the pedestrian traffic patterns, a thought dawned on “I’ve spent half my life—and my entire adult life—on antidepressants. Who might I be without them?”  Unfurled against a global backdrop,  May Cause Side Effects  is the gripping story of what happened when, after fifteen years and 32,760 pills, Brooke was faced with a profound choice that plunged her into a year of excruciating antidepressant withdrawal and forced her to rebuild her entire life.  An illuminating memoir for those who take, prescribe, or are considering psychiatric drugs,  May Cause Side Effects  is an honest reminder that the road to true happiness is not mapped on a prescription pad. Instead, Brooke’s story reveals the messy reality of how healing begins at the bottomless depth of our suffering, in the deep self-work that pushes us to the edges of who we are.  

Genres: Memoir, Nonfiction, Mental Health, Medical

232 pages, Paperback

Published April 23, 2024

Reviews

[Jen · Rating 5 out of 5]

This antidepressant withdrawal has damn near killed me over the past 9 months. Some days I still think it will. Most days I hope it will. This book is both comforting and scary; scary because I can see that yes, the inside of my head is a terrifying place to be, and I’ll most likely be stuck here for quite a while longer.

However, it is also comforting because I have some hope that this is not me. Not the real or forever-me, anyway. It’s chemical. You’re put into suspended animation on these horrible drugs. Once you stop, you have to relearn everything…having emotions, handling emotions, what to do with all that has accumulated internal and external baggage. It’s like being in a coma in the sense that you don’t have any real memories from the time you were on them, and memories from “before” don’t really feel like they belong to you.

This is the first book that’s brought me any real validation, and I urge anyone who knows someone suffering from antidepressant withdrawal to read it. This is a very real demonstration of what it’s like being stuck in our skin.

I cried reading this book. I cry thinking about this book. I started it on Kindle, but ended up buying a physical copy to mark up, place page-flags, and to embrace like a friend who just “gets it.”

Thank you, for seeing me and us, Brooke.

[Riley Morsman · Rating 4 out of 5]

5 stars for the subject, 3 stars for the writing. I got bogged down sometimes by the self-compassion spirituality mumbo-jumbo, but ultimately am just so incredibly moved by Brooke's story and its connections to my own journey with antidepressant withdrawal. Even though my story is very different, this book has made me feel so much less alone and so much more empowered to keep fighting to get stronger and push against a culture that over-relies on prescribing drugs to people instead of trying conservative methods first and/or searching to understand the root cause. Very glad this book was written! I hope more and more research (and moving stories like this one) come into the world soon.

[Mary · Rating 4 out of 5]

I had no idea that anti depressant withdrawal could be so challenging as the public perception is just take it if you are suffering. The term devils bargain comes to mind after reading this after the author went on age 15.

She is a rock star- amazing story.

[Seth · Rating 4 out of 5]

Solid read and worth hearing the experience. I thought the best sections were leading up to her travels and initial stages of withdrawal. It was very personal but not as engaging as it could be at times. The metaphor that resonated with me the most (which she touched on in her interview w/ MIA) is comparing the trajectory of being a long-time service user to an aircraft where being off by one degree can vastly change the resulting destination.

[Baylee Swank · Rating 4 out of 5]

I liked this book for what it was. I think it gives a great insight into the struggles of mental illness that many experience. I don’t love how much the author lingered on the details of her intrusive thoughts. However, other than that, I thought this is very well written. I would recommend this to anyone wanting more insight into the lives of people in mental health recovery and/or wanting to support loved ones going through that journey.

[Sunday Dutro · Rating 5 out of 5]

A slow-to-medium-paced memoir about a woman quitting her depression medications after being on them for 15 years, and after having had them prescribed as a teenager and never altered as she aged. Fascinating for so many reasons, I’d originally read the book because the author gave herself a Goodreads review that cracked me up: “I think I did a pretty good job.”

[Marissa Klein · Rating 5 out of 5]

It's so perfect. Such an incredibly honest, real, and relatable book. I'm currently tapering my medications and have a very similar background story as Brooke and I felt this in my core. I felt inspired and seen in a book like I never have before. I will read again and again. Thank you, Brooke.

[Jama Sines · Rating 5 out of 5]

This was such a good book! Obviously it covers a very intense topic (depression and suicide) so if you are sensitive to those topics you might need to read it in short stints but you should still read it. 10/10

[Carly · Rating 5 out of 5]

Amazing- I read this so fast. As someone almost 3 years into the tapering process myself and who has gone through the cold turkey/ deep withdrawal many years ago, this book was so relatable. Great storytelling and exquisite detail. Thank you
Brooke!!!