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May Cause Side Effects: A Memoir
2023 Best Indie Book Award Winner, Memoir
An unforgettable memoir about the turmoil of antidepressant withdrawal and the work it takes to unravel the stories we tell ourselves to rationalize our suffering.
Brooke Siem was among the first generation of minors to be prescribed antidepressants. Initially diagnosed and treated in the wake of her father’s sudden death, this psychiatric intervention sent a message that something was pathologically wrong with her and that the only “fix” was medication. As a teenager, she stepped into the hazy world of antidepressants just at the time when she was forming the foundation of her identity. For the following fifteen years, every situation she faced was seen through the lens of brokenness.
A decade and a half later, still on the same cocktail of drugs, Brooke found herself hanging halfway out her Manhattan high-rise window, calculating the time it would take to hit the ground. As she looked for breaks in the pedestrian traffic patterns, a thought dawned on “I’ve spent half my life—and my entire adult life—on antidepressants. Who might I be without them?”
Unfurled against a global backdrop, May Cause Side Effects is the gripping story of what happened when, after fifteen years and 32,760 pills, Brooke was faced with a profound choice that plunged her into a year of excruciating antidepressant withdrawal and forced her to rebuild her entire life.
An illuminating memoir for those who take, prescribe, or are considering psychiatric drugs, May Cause Side Effects is an honest reminder that the road to true happiness is not mapped on a prescription pad. Instead, Brooke’s story reveals the messy reality of how healing begins at the bottomless depth of our suffering, in the deep self-work that pushes us to the edges of who we are.
An unforgettable memoir about the turmoil of antidepressant withdrawal and the work it takes to unravel the stories we tell ourselves to rationalize our suffering.
Brooke Siem was among the first generation of minors to be prescribed antidepressants. Initially diagnosed and treated in the wake of her father’s sudden death, this psychiatric intervention sent a message that something was pathologically wrong with her and that the only “fix” was medication. As a teenager, she stepped into the hazy world of antidepressants just at the time when she was forming the foundation of her identity. For the following fifteen years, every situation she faced was seen through the lens of brokenness.
A decade and a half later, still on the same cocktail of drugs, Brooke found herself hanging halfway out her Manhattan high-rise window, calculating the time it would take to hit the ground. As she looked for breaks in the pedestrian traffic patterns, a thought dawned on “I’ve spent half my life—and my entire adult life—on antidepressants. Who might I be without them?”
Unfurled against a global backdrop, May Cause Side Effects is the gripping story of what happened when, after fifteen years and 32,760 pills, Brooke was faced with a profound choice that plunged her into a year of excruciating antidepressant withdrawal and forced her to rebuild her entire life.
An illuminating memoir for those who take, prescribe, or are considering psychiatric drugs, May Cause Side Effects is an honest reminder that the road to true happiness is not mapped on a prescription pad. Instead, Brooke’s story reveals the messy reality of how healing begins at the bottomless depth of our suffering, in the deep self-work that pushes us to the edges of who we are.
232 pages, Paperback
Published April 23, 2024
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Displaying 1 - 30 of 53 reviews
September 2, 2022
I think I did a pretty good job.
August 22, 2022
Brooke Siem’s beautifully written memoir May Cause Side Effects confronts an all too common scenario of modern psychiatry that has been unaddressed for far too long. As a teen struggling to deal with her father’s death she was started on antidepressants and sold the story that she had an imbalanced, broken brain. Fifteen years later, still medicated and still depressed, she considers jumping out a window, and was stopped by the question of who she might be if she were not on all her medications. This begins her often painful, and at times rage-filled journey, to discover and accept who she was without drugs and beyond medication withdrawal. She faces her shadows while traveling to exotic locations around the world and uncharted spaces within, eventually finding spaces and moments of joy and light, awakening her to new stories of hope and possibilities. As a reader and psychiatrist, I highly recommend this book for anyone in the mental health field, anyone who cannot imagine a life without psychiatric medications, and anyone hoping but struggling to get through medication withdrawal. Thank you Brooke Siem for having the courage to write about this important topic (and for an early copy of the book to read!)
September 9, 2022
I read this book, cover to cover, within 24 hours of receiving it.
I couldn’t stop until it was finished…. Page turner doesn’t quite capture the intensity and sheer brilliance of its magnitude.
This book is immediately added to my list of Top 10 books I’ve ever read (and bein an avid reader for the past 25 years, that’s a big deal).
I cried huge, cathartic tears straight through the first 3 chapters and steadily through the remainder.
An exceptional written, awe inspiring and powerful journey. Wonderfully enjoyable through every, single, page.
Brooke's story of grit, and triumph can be loved and celebrated by all.
Please,
do yourself a favor, snag a copy right meow 😸, and dive in. You'll be so grateful you did.
I couldn’t stop until it was finished…. Page turner doesn’t quite capture the intensity and sheer brilliance of its magnitude.
This book is immediately added to my list of Top 10 books I’ve ever read (and bein an avid reader for the past 25 years, that’s a big deal).
I cried huge, cathartic tears straight through the first 3 chapters and steadily through the remainder.
An exceptional written, awe inspiring and powerful journey. Wonderfully enjoyable through every, single, page.
Brooke's story of grit, and triumph can be loved and celebrated by all.
Please,
do yourself a favor, snag a copy right meow 😸, and dive in. You'll be so grateful you did.
March 22, 2025
This antidepressant withdrawal has damn near killed me over the past 9 months. Some days I still think it will. Most days I hope it will. This book is both comforting and scary; scary because I can see that yes, the inside of my head is a terrifying place to be, and I’ll most likely be stuck here for quite a while longer.
However, it is also comforting because I have some hope that this is not me. Not the real or forever-me, anyway. It’s chemical. You’re put into suspended animation on these horrible drugs. Once you stop, you have to relearn everything…having emotions, handling emotions, what to do with all that has accumulated internal and external baggage. It’s like being in a coma in the sense that you don’t have any real memories from the time you were on them, and memories from “before” don’t really feel like they belong to you.
This is the first book that’s brought me any real validation, and I urge anyone who knows someone suffering from antidepressant withdrawal to read it. This is a very real demonstration of what it’s like being stuck in our skin.
I cried reading this book. I cry thinking about this book. I started it on Kindle, but ended up buying a physical copy to mark up, place page-flags, and to embrace like a friend who just “gets it.”
Thank you, for seeing me and us, Brooke.
However, it is also comforting because I have some hope that this is not me. Not the real or forever-me, anyway. It’s chemical. You’re put into suspended animation on these horrible drugs. Once you stop, you have to relearn everything…having emotions, handling emotions, what to do with all that has accumulated internal and external baggage. It’s like being in a coma in the sense that you don’t have any real memories from the time you were on them, and memories from “before” don’t really feel like they belong to you.
This is the first book that’s brought me any real validation, and I urge anyone who knows someone suffering from antidepressant withdrawal to read it. This is a very real demonstration of what it’s like being stuck in our skin.
I cried reading this book. I cry thinking about this book. I started it on Kindle, but ended up buying a physical copy to mark up, place page-flags, and to embrace like a friend who just “gets it.”
Thank you, for seeing me and us, Brooke.
September 4, 2023
After I read Robert Whitaker's book, Anatomy of an Epidemic, I thought I'd read some memoirs from people who had to taper of psychiatric medication. This was fine but it advertises itself as being something it's not really about. There is a component of it about the author's withdrawal from psych meds but it's mostly about the rest of her life. So it was fine but not exactly what I was looking for.
January 21, 2026
Came for the AWS storyline, not so much for the memoir
August 13, 2026
So crazy at times that it felt like fiction
June 15, 2023
I devoured this book. I am currently going through SSRI withdrawal and I actually debated reading this because I thought it might be triggering or scare me. But it did the opposite! Brooke is a wonderful story teller who details some very hard chapters of her life. I cried along the way as she loses a parent, falls down the withdrawal rabbit hole and navigates an ambitious life with all her withdrawal symptoms in tow. It’s harrowing and courageous. Her writing made the book fly by and I was so sad when it was over. When I look in the mirror I look so normal. But there is so much pain in my mind and body right now because of withdrawal. No one can see or know how I feel, but this book felt like it saw me and addressed a lot of my worries. Life can be normal after! I have the hope, I just need to arrive at the destination. Thank you for your memoir Brooke, I’m so happy you’re educating people on this terrible topic and I hope as the years pass, fewer and fewer people experience this withdrawal. Keep spreading the word!
August 21, 2024
5 stars for the subject, 3 stars for the writing. I got bogged down sometimes by the self-compassion spirituality mumbo-jumbo, but ultimately am just so incredibly moved by Brooke's story and its connections to my own journey with antidepressant withdrawal. Even though my story is very different, this book has made me feel so much less alone and so much more empowered to keep fighting to get stronger and push against a culture that over-relies on prescribing drugs to people instead of trying conservative methods first and/or searching to understand the root cause. Very glad this book was written! I hope more and more research (and moving stories like this one) come into the world soon.
February 11, 2025
I had no idea that anti depressant withdrawal could be so challenging as the public perception is just take it if you are suffering. The term devils bargain comes to mind after reading this after the author went on age 15.
She is a rock star- amazing story.
She is a rock star- amazing story.
February 7, 2025
I purchased this book to educate myself on antidepressant withdrawal. I really admired Brookes strength of coming off all of those drugs and continued to live and get better with time.
However, it seems that this book poses that travelling the world is the answer to one's problems. I also travelled for several years, and of course, it's an amazing way to discover different cultures and explore humanity in all its facets. It's also a great way to see that there is more to life than your typical 9-5, but it's not the be-all and end all in terms of recovering from poor mental health. I think if there's trauma that hasn't been properly dealt with, then you will carry it wherever you go in the world.
It was only when I stayed in one place that I began seeing a professional therapist regularly and began the hard inner graft of staring my traumas in the face that I learned the most about myself. One of which was also losing my dad from a very early age. I also take an ssri (started at age 25, not 15), which has really helped with my anxiety. I have cptsd, ocd, adhd... and the meds really help me manage my symptoms. And I couldn't relate to Brooke, who described her med experience as numbing to her emotions. I haven't had that experience. I still cry. I still get angry. I still feel. And yes, I still get anxious from time to time. But it's no longer intolerable, and I can regulate myself so much better.
My view is that there are many drugs out there that really can and do make a positive difference to people's lives, mental health, and will to live. As much as this book is a critique of big pharma, I would hope that it doesn't dissuade people from getting the mental health help they need in terms of seeing a professional therapist/psychiatrist and perhaps taking a certain medication(s) that may actually help.
BUT Brookes' story goes to show that it isn't always positive. And I know she was on a concoction of drugs, and from a very early age, and of course, these things affect people in different ways. And this was her story, not mine, so I'll back down a little bit...
Brooke did have Alan, as a bit of emotional support and he did seem to help Brooke to a certain degree in terms of sitting with her feelings in the moment, but it seemed like an alternate kind of therapy... I wondered how effective it really was in the long term...
The one thing I will say, though, is that the book really did enlight me to the impact that coming off ssri's can have and the withdrawals that can occur. Which is something for me and a lot of others to be catious of. And I guess this was the purpose of the book in the first place.
The book also raises an important issue around doctors giving out medications very flippantly, which are hard to come off of. And the issue of misdiagnosis. I know Brooke is from the States, and their system is different from the UK's medical system, but I am sure it is an issue across the board.
And the writing style, I liked it. I think Brooke is a great writer. She painted many images in my mind of how she was feeling, which allowed me to empathise with her distressing moments. And I particularly liked the last chapters. And the description of her birth and her eyes being able to see the light. 😊
However, it seems that this book poses that travelling the world is the answer to one's problems. I also travelled for several years, and of course, it's an amazing way to discover different cultures and explore humanity in all its facets. It's also a great way to see that there is more to life than your typical 9-5, but it's not the be-all and end all in terms of recovering from poor mental health. I think if there's trauma that hasn't been properly dealt with, then you will carry it wherever you go in the world.
It was only when I stayed in one place that I began seeing a professional therapist regularly and began the hard inner graft of staring my traumas in the face that I learned the most about myself. One of which was also losing my dad from a very early age. I also take an ssri (started at age 25, not 15), which has really helped with my anxiety. I have cptsd, ocd, adhd... and the meds really help me manage my symptoms. And I couldn't relate to Brooke, who described her med experience as numbing to her emotions. I haven't had that experience. I still cry. I still get angry. I still feel. And yes, I still get anxious from time to time. But it's no longer intolerable, and I can regulate myself so much better.
My view is that there are many drugs out there that really can and do make a positive difference to people's lives, mental health, and will to live. As much as this book is a critique of big pharma, I would hope that it doesn't dissuade people from getting the mental health help they need in terms of seeing a professional therapist/psychiatrist and perhaps taking a certain medication(s) that may actually help.
BUT Brookes' story goes to show that it isn't always positive. And I know she was on a concoction of drugs, and from a very early age, and of course, these things affect people in different ways. And this was her story, not mine, so I'll back down a little bit...
Brooke did have Alan, as a bit of emotional support and he did seem to help Brooke to a certain degree in terms of sitting with her feelings in the moment, but it seemed like an alternate kind of therapy... I wondered how effective it really was in the long term...
The one thing I will say, though, is that the book really did enlight me to the impact that coming off ssri's can have and the withdrawals that can occur. Which is something for me and a lot of others to be catious of. And I guess this was the purpose of the book in the first place.
The book also raises an important issue around doctors giving out medications very flippantly, which are hard to come off of. And the issue of misdiagnosis. I know Brooke is from the States, and their system is different from the UK's medical system, but I am sure it is an issue across the board.
And the writing style, I liked it. I think Brooke is a great writer. She painted many images in my mind of how she was feeling, which allowed me to empathise with her distressing moments. And I particularly liked the last chapters. And the description of her birth and her eyes being able to see the light. 😊
October 10, 2022
What would you do if you suddenly found yourself contemplating suicide after spending half of your life on antidepressants? Brooke Siem paused and pondered and wondered who she would have been without the medication, then she sought to find out. She takes us on her harrowing journey of withdrawal and vulnerability, uncertainty and fear… and it turns out to be one of courage, steadfastness, determination. How many times did she think about giving up, giving in, letting the medication take her back to a place where she didn’t have to face herself? Yet she kept on and showed us that healing is possible. Finding comfort with yourself is possible. Facing your demands can be terrifying but you can conquer and manage them.
The book itself is very well written. I love her use of
imagery, yet her language is accessible to anyone who wants to read a good memoir, or is searching for guidance or answers, or simply hope. As a mother of an 11-year-old I found myself relating a lot to her mother, thinking about how it must be to watch your child go through such a thing. I feel that, having read this, it has given me tools to deal with future problems my daughter might have and how to deal with them. Medication for teens is a very serious thing, and this book also helps bring awareness to this issue. If we have the option to medicate a teen we need to do a lot of research, a lot of soul searching. I pray to God my daughter never needs antidepressants but if anything happens, this book
and the lessons therein will help me. I think you know you’ve written a good book when a mom says she’ll use it to help raise her kid! 😄
Thank you, Brooke, for letting us into your life and your experience. I believe it’s going to help a lot of people. We will never know who you would have been without the medications but this is who you are now and I, for one, am grateful.
The book itself is very well written. I love her use of
imagery, yet her language is accessible to anyone who wants to read a good memoir, or is searching for guidance or answers, or simply hope. As a mother of an 11-year-old I found myself relating a lot to her mother, thinking about how it must be to watch your child go through such a thing. I feel that, having read this, it has given me tools to deal with future problems my daughter might have and how to deal with them. Medication for teens is a very serious thing, and this book also helps bring awareness to this issue. If we have the option to medicate a teen we need to do a lot of research, a lot of soul searching. I pray to God my daughter never needs antidepressants but if anything happens, this book
and the lessons therein will help me. I think you know you’ve written a good book when a mom says she’ll use it to help raise her kid! 😄
Thank you, Brooke, for letting us into your life and your experience. I believe it’s going to help a lot of people. We will never know who you would have been without the medications but this is who you are now and I, for one, am grateful.
April 20, 2023
In and of itself, May Cause Side Effects is a powerful story about trauma, grief, and persevering through the overwhelming experience of antidepressant withdrawal. It's elegantly written, rich in wrenching and poignant details, and impressively vulnerable.
On a bigger scale, this book is so important because stories like this are woefully underrepresented, despite being all too common in a society that tries to suppress the pain of familial, societal, and environmental traumas with medications we barely understand. (The pharmaceutical industry and our healthcare system have not adequately acknowledged or advised patients of the potentially devastating side effects of these medications.) We need more people to share their stories, as Brooke has, to raise awareness of this issue and steer ourselves towards healthier treatments and societal changes.
This book also resonates deeply with me on a personal level, as I took antidepressants for twelve years, went through a period of withdrawal, and have struggled to regain control of my thoughts, attention, and emotions after being dependent on the meds for so long. Reading this story was an inspiring reminder that I'm not alone in this fight. Thank you, Brooke, for sharing your experience and helping people like me find the way forward.
On a bigger scale, this book is so important because stories like this are woefully underrepresented, despite being all too common in a society that tries to suppress the pain of familial, societal, and environmental traumas with medications we barely understand. (The pharmaceutical industry and our healthcare system have not adequately acknowledged or advised patients of the potentially devastating side effects of these medications.) We need more people to share their stories, as Brooke has, to raise awareness of this issue and steer ourselves towards healthier treatments and societal changes.
This book also resonates deeply with me on a personal level, as I took antidepressants for twelve years, went through a period of withdrawal, and have struggled to regain control of my thoughts, attention, and emotions after being dependent on the meds for so long. Reading this story was an inspiring reminder that I'm not alone in this fight. Thank you, Brooke, for sharing your experience and helping people like me find the way forward.
November 15, 2022
Truly enjoyed this memoir which follows the life of a woman who after being on antidepressants for 15 years (having been prescribed as a teen, after the death of her father) discovers that the medication has made her unable to know her baseline…is she perhaps even more depressed and numb, on these medications? Are prescription psychiatric drugs intended to be taken for decades? Through a series of events not only does the author stop taking the medications, but her psychiatrist (through a total lack of knowledge that is only now becoming more researched) allows her to stop taking the medication cold turkey. In doing so, a slew of more psychiatric concerns arise: intrusive thoughts and severe anxiety. Are these things a result of withdrawal or is this who she really is? The author explores these thoughts as she finally is able to embrace the freedom of discovering herself outside of a diagnosis, while welcoming emotions and feelings she had not known for years.
I discovered this book after watching the Medicating Normal documentary and am grateful to have read it. For those of you on Hoopla, this book can be found there as an audiobook.
I discovered this book after watching the Medicating Normal documentary and am grateful to have read it. For those of you on Hoopla, this book can be found there as an audiobook.
July 16, 2024
As soon as I heard about this book I knew I needed to read it - I am 27, have been on SSRIs/SNRIs since I was about 14 or 15, and am currently in the process of weaning off of them. I have seen very little writing about the effects of psych meds on people long term when they were started at a young age, and I’m so glad this book is contributing to that conversation. One of the things she said that sat with me the most was this: “Maybe it’s not about coming back to who I was before I was medicated. I can’t go back … go the body and mind I knew through the eyes of a child.”
While I’m very glad this book exists, I did struggle to connect with Brooke’s story outside of the shared experience of being on SSRIs young and wanting to know who I am off of them. The whole young white woman travels the world to find herself and does so in the midst of recognizing other people’s oppression thing was WEIRD!!!!
I am sitting with the balance of this is an important concept and we need to talk about this, and if I met her in person I don’t think I’d like her lmao
While I’m very glad this book exists, I did struggle to connect with Brooke’s story outside of the shared experience of being on SSRIs young and wanting to know who I am off of them. The whole young white woman travels the world to find herself and does so in the midst of recognizing other people’s oppression thing was WEIRD!!!!
I am sitting with the balance of this is an important concept and we need to talk about this, and if I met her in person I don’t think I’d like her lmao
December 31, 2024
-2 stars off for unnecessary language. This book is spattered with F words like punctuation.
-Warning that this book describes fantasizing about jumping out of a window and other disturbing or triggering images frequently.
-As a Christian, I find the worldview in this book lacking. Self compassion is good, but the cleansing blood of Jesus is richer and deeper and more truthful.
This book is not for everyone by any means, but even with the three heavy caveats listed above I think this book could be a valuable tool for someone who would like to understand and empathize with someone who experiences depression or other mood disorders.
-Warning that this book describes fantasizing about jumping out of a window and other disturbing or triggering images frequently.
-As a Christian, I find the worldview in this book lacking. Self compassion is good, but the cleansing blood of Jesus is richer and deeper and more truthful.
This book is not for everyone by any means, but even with the three heavy caveats listed above I think this book could be a valuable tool for someone who would like to understand and empathize with someone who experiences depression or other mood disorders.
July 1, 2025
Solid read and worth hearing the experience. I thought the best sections were leading up to her travels and initial stages of withdrawal. It was very personal but not as engaging as it could be at times. The metaphor that resonated with me the most (which she touched on in her interview w/ MIA) is comparing the trajectory of being a long-time service user to an aircraft where being off by one degree can vastly change the resulting destination.
September 19, 2024
I liked this book for what it was. I think it gives a great insight into the struggles of mental illness that many experience. I don’t love how much the author lingered on the details of her intrusive thoughts. However, other than that, I thought this is very well written. I would recommend this to anyone wanting more insight into the lives of people in mental health recovery and/or wanting to support loved ones going through that journey.
September 19, 2022
Wow. What a hugely personal emotional story. I learned so much about myself and my own journey with antidepressants through Ms. Siem’s words. This is a must read for anyone struggling with or close to someone struggling with depression, anxiety, medication, or frankly mid-adulthood. Thank you for sharing.
September 24, 2022
Insightful, well-written page turner
Phenomenally well written and very engaging. But perhaps the best part is that it shines a light on so many things about mental health that we dont talk about enough: prescription drugs, the experience of depression, suicide, and more. I highly recommend this read
Phenomenally well written and very engaging. But perhaps the best part is that it shines a light on so many things about mental health that we dont talk about enough: prescription drugs, the experience of depression, suicide, and more. I highly recommend this read
December 2, 2023
Brooke has so eloquently painted with her words the horrific experience of antidepressant withdrawal and the toll it takes on the physical, mental and spiritual levels. But most importantly of all, she offers those going through the same experience or those supporting loved ones through this experience, something even more beautiful than understanding, she offers hope that healing is possible.
March 3, 2023
loved this
June 28, 2024
A slow-to-medium-paced memoir about a woman quitting her depression medications after being on them for 15 years, and after having had them prescribed as a teenager and never altered as she aged. Fascinating for so many reasons, I’d originally read the book because the author gave herself a Goodreads review that cracked me up: “I think I did a pretty good job.”
June 27, 2024
It's so perfect. Such an incredibly honest, real, and relatable book. I'm currently tapering my medications and have a very similar background story as Brooke and I felt this in my core. I felt inspired and seen in a book like I never have before. I will read again and again. Thank you, Brooke.
January 5, 2025
This was such a good book! Obviously it covers a very intense topic (depression and suicide) so if you are sensitive to those topics you might need to read it in short stints but you should still read it. 10/10
November 4, 2025
Amazing- I read this so fast. As someone almost 3 years into the tapering process myself and who has gone through the cold turkey/ deep withdrawal many years ago, this book was so relatable. Great storytelling and exquisite detail. Thank you
Brooke!!!
Brooke!!!
August 10, 2026
Siem makes important points about overmedication, adolescence, and the limits of psychiatry as she came of age suffering a horrible loss. I found it hard to relate to her story and her voice. Too reality tv feeling for me.
Read
February 1, 2026audio
April 4, 2023
What a wonderful book. I can't recommend it enough!
I cannot begin to say how much I loved this one. It's one of those rare psychology memoirs that didn't feel like a rant on the topic 'parents did it to me'. While parents do a lot of stuff both for and to us, it's rarely up to just their frivolous decisions how we turn out. Anyway, no matter how we grow up we'll have stuff to scare our psychologist into going to theirs. LOL!
A great read. A lot of cooking. An interesting take on prescriptions and on 'Eat, pray, love' (or maybe 'cook, love, travel?')
Q:
I drop my head back onto the floor, close my eyes, and think of my mother. She always said it’s like she was born with the curtain half open, like the barrier between the perceived human experience and the soul’s purpose never quite closed. From the time she was little, she says, she could “see” beyond the three-dimensional world in front of her and tap into a level of existence that seems to elude most everyone else. Over the years, this gift has led her to understand the world through a distinct ethereal lens, one that goes beyond the constraints of religious doctrine and constitutional law. (c)
Q:
It goes something like this: It is all a game. An eternal game played by eternal beings; a universal Easter egg hunt of sorts, with players who incarnate as humans into this world, again and again, embodying a particular play piece each time. Round and round we go, born into families and cultures telling us the game we’re playing is about money and power and fame, separation and segregation and dark versus light. But really, the whole point of the game is to figure out it’s a game—a game about discovering we are all one, each of us a spark of the same source. (c)
Q:
Clues appear like hidden eggs, my mother says. Little eggs of light that show up through everything from compassion to art to nature to heroic acts. Reminders of our true identity. Think Buddhism without the whole “life is suffering” bit + Christianity without heaven and hell + a good dose of The Matrix thrown in. But since this is the most difficult game ever created, we begin each hunt blind, deaf, and dumb. Extraordinarily dumb. So dumb we don’t even remember we’re playing a game, or that there are even any eggs to be found. We rig the game from the start with whatever economic, racial, physical, political, and familial bullshit exists in the sliver of the world we choose for ourselves. We think suffering in a Mombasa slum is different from suffering in a Manhattan high-rise, but pain is pain is pain. We all spend most of our lives just trying to avoid the suffering, occasionally tripping over an egg in our most untethered moments. Still, we often don’t realize what we’ve found until we trip over it a few times. And even then we’re not sure, because we start to wonder if there are better eggs around. (c)
Q:
When we inevitably don’t figure out the game at the end of our life—no matter, there’s another round right behind it. And another and another and another. As many as it takes. Maybe it’s a new scenario, or maybe it’s one we’ve done 1,000 times before. We get to choose, since we have to experience them all in order to understand we are of the same source, just wrapped in different skin.
Besides, we can only win the game together. Only when every last one of us learns to see through the illusion of difference and embodies unconditional love will we all move forward in peace. But this unconditional love cannot exist without all that is ugly and threatening in the world. Because how can we learn unconditional love if we have never felt hatred, disgust, and resentment? (c)
Q:
“I believe our souls live outside of physical reality, and that the soul knows what is best and perfect for us. Imagine that our fully enlightened soul projects its light through us, like our mind and body is a camera lens. The light goes through the lens and projects a picture of everything that is good or bad in our lives—our job, our health, our relationships. If we don’t like the picture, it’s because our soul is trying to shine its light through a cracked lens. Instead of getting the things that bring us joy, we get sadness or despair or frustration or anger.” (c)
Q:
Here was a woman who, after being widowed at forty-seven, survived breast cancer, underwent open-heart surgery, kept a business afloat with forty employees during the recession, and did it all while raising an only child with suicidal tendencies. And yet she never succumbed to rage, never lost that sparkle for living. Maybe it is time to do as my mother would do, not as my father did. (c)
I cannot begin to say how much I loved this one. It's one of those rare psychology memoirs that didn't feel like a rant on the topic 'parents did it to me'. While parents do a lot of stuff both for and to us, it's rarely up to just their frivolous decisions how we turn out. Anyway, no matter how we grow up we'll have stuff to scare our psychologist into going to theirs. LOL!
A great read. A lot of cooking. An interesting take on prescriptions and on 'Eat, pray, love' (or maybe 'cook, love, travel?')
Q:
I drop my head back onto the floor, close my eyes, and think of my mother. She always said it’s like she was born with the curtain half open, like the barrier between the perceived human experience and the soul’s purpose never quite closed. From the time she was little, she says, she could “see” beyond the three-dimensional world in front of her and tap into a level of existence that seems to elude most everyone else. Over the years, this gift has led her to understand the world through a distinct ethereal lens, one that goes beyond the constraints of religious doctrine and constitutional law. (c)
Q:
It goes something like this: It is all a game. An eternal game played by eternal beings; a universal Easter egg hunt of sorts, with players who incarnate as humans into this world, again and again, embodying a particular play piece each time. Round and round we go, born into families and cultures telling us the game we’re playing is about money and power and fame, separation and segregation and dark versus light. But really, the whole point of the game is to figure out it’s a game—a game about discovering we are all one, each of us a spark of the same source. (c)
Q:
Clues appear like hidden eggs, my mother says. Little eggs of light that show up through everything from compassion to art to nature to heroic acts. Reminders of our true identity. Think Buddhism without the whole “life is suffering” bit + Christianity without heaven and hell + a good dose of The Matrix thrown in. But since this is the most difficult game ever created, we begin each hunt blind, deaf, and dumb. Extraordinarily dumb. So dumb we don’t even remember we’re playing a game, or that there are even any eggs to be found. We rig the game from the start with whatever economic, racial, physical, political, and familial bullshit exists in the sliver of the world we choose for ourselves. We think suffering in a Mombasa slum is different from suffering in a Manhattan high-rise, but pain is pain is pain. We all spend most of our lives just trying to avoid the suffering, occasionally tripping over an egg in our most untethered moments. Still, we often don’t realize what we’ve found until we trip over it a few times. And even then we’re not sure, because we start to wonder if there are better eggs around. (c)
Q:
When we inevitably don’t figure out the game at the end of our life—no matter, there’s another round right behind it. And another and another and another. As many as it takes. Maybe it’s a new scenario, or maybe it’s one we’ve done 1,000 times before. We get to choose, since we have to experience them all in order to understand we are of the same source, just wrapped in different skin.
Besides, we can only win the game together. Only when every last one of us learns to see through the illusion of difference and embodies unconditional love will we all move forward in peace. But this unconditional love cannot exist without all that is ugly and threatening in the world. Because how can we learn unconditional love if we have never felt hatred, disgust, and resentment? (c)
Q:
“I believe our souls live outside of physical reality, and that the soul knows what is best and perfect for us. Imagine that our fully enlightened soul projects its light through us, like our mind and body is a camera lens. The light goes through the lens and projects a picture of everything that is good or bad in our lives—our job, our health, our relationships. If we don’t like the picture, it’s because our soul is trying to shine its light through a cracked lens. Instead of getting the things that bring us joy, we get sadness or despair or frustration or anger.” (c)
Q:
Here was a woman who, after being widowed at forty-seven, survived breast cancer, underwent open-heart surgery, kept a business afloat with forty employees during the recession, and did it all while raising an only child with suicidal tendencies. And yet she never succumbed to rage, never lost that sparkle for living. Maybe it is time to do as my mother would do, not as my father did. (c)
May 20, 2024
Fascinating memoir. Brooke has had a hard journey. Her story reminds me that brokenness is what allows us to see the beauty of healing. And darkness shows us how bright the stars are. Without pain and sorrow, we can't know joy. And heartache is worth the beauty of feeling alive.
But, this book does focus a lot of self-compassion, self-worth, self-forgiveness. Self. Self-healing. I hope that one day, Brooke can find the true, lasting healing that comes not through our own compassion towards ourselves, or from looking inward, but from letting go, and trusting Jesus with our heart.
Content Warning: entirely too much use of the f-bomb. It was said so often if was actually got annoying and irritating, besides already being offensive. As someone else said, it's peppered throughout the book like punctuation. Along with a few other similar words. Also, she hints at, and pretty much comes out and condones, sleeping with a guy she just met and won't build a relationship with.
I would hesitate to recommend this book based on the content, and all the self-love messages.
Quotes:
"I'm terrified of the world around me. Terrified of debilitating illness, and war and death. Of broken bones and hearts and promises. I get off all this medication and this is what I wake up? It's dirty and dangerous. And the joy is not as strong as the despair. And it all ends in piles of trash and sadness. And how is life worth living when one terrible person can walk into an airport and kill the good in dozens? Why bother living when everything beautiful is so easily destroyed?"
"But at some point of the past five years, the spotlight of my mind shifted from her suffering and began shining on little moments where I seemed to awaken from the darkness and blink alive... When I look back, my first thought does not fall on the darkness. Instead, I remember the light. Maybe the story doesn't ever really end. Maybe the focus simply shifts."
But, this book does focus a lot of self-compassion, self-worth, self-forgiveness. Self. Self-healing. I hope that one day, Brooke can find the true, lasting healing that comes not through our own compassion towards ourselves, or from looking inward, but from letting go, and trusting Jesus with our heart.
Content Warning: entirely too much use of the f-bomb. It was said so often if was actually got annoying and irritating, besides already being offensive. As someone else said, it's peppered throughout the book like punctuation. Along with a few other similar words. Also, she hints at, and pretty much comes out and condones, sleeping with a guy she just met and won't build a relationship with.
I would hesitate to recommend this book based on the content, and all the self-love messages.
Quotes:
"I'm terrified of the world around me. Terrified of debilitating illness, and war and death. Of broken bones and hearts and promises. I get off all this medication and this is what I wake up? It's dirty and dangerous. And the joy is not as strong as the despair. And it all ends in piles of trash and sadness. And how is life worth living when one terrible person can walk into an airport and kill the good in dozens? Why bother living when everything beautiful is so easily destroyed?"
"But at some point of the past five years, the spotlight of my mind shifted from her suffering and began shining on little moments where I seemed to awaken from the darkness and blink alive... When I look back, my first thought does not fall on the darkness. Instead, I remember the light. Maybe the story doesn't ever really end. Maybe the focus simply shifts."
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