Languishing: How to Feel Alive Again in a World That Wears Us Down

by Corey Keyes

Do you feel demotivated and aimless? Are you running on empty? Is it hard to pinpoint what's wrong? Then you're languishing, according to Corey Keyes, the sociologist who coined the term. Here he shows you how to flourish.

Do you feel demotivated and aimless?
Are you running on empty?
Is it hard to pinpoint what's wrong?

Millions of us are struggling with this emotional state of weariness, and until now, we've lacked the vocabulary to understand it. But Dr Corey Keyes has identified this feeling as languishing, and here he draws on the latest research and real-life case studies to trace its spread to a level of global epidemic, asking the fundamental question of how we find lasting wellbeing.

Breaking down the science of emotional exhaustion, Keyes shows that our very obsession with happiness complicates the process of finding it. Only by shifting our focus from feeling good to functioning well can we unlock the key to flourishing. He reveals the choices and mental habits that inadvertently worsen the problem, and shares simple but powerful steps anyone can take to restore meaning, joy, and calm to their lives.

Languishing is a must-read for anyone tempted to downplay the demotivation and emptiness they've been feeling, to help build a buffer against the pressures of modern life and find true flourishing.

Genres: Nonfiction, Self Help, Psychology, Mental Health, Audiobook, Health, Sociology

304 pages, Kindle Edition

First published February 20, 2024

About the author

Corey Keyes is a sociologist and professor emeritus at Emory University whose research on mental health—including his pioneering work on the science of human flourishing—has had wide-reaching policy implications. Over the course of his career, he’s advised the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the World Happiness Forum, as well as governmental agencies in Canada, Northern Ireland, and Australia.

Reviews

[Catherine (alternativelytitledbooks) - why is GR broken? -_- · Rating 3 out of 5]

**Many thanks to NetGalley, Crown, and Corey Keyes for an ARC of this book! Now available as of 2.20!!**

"Health is not just the absence of disease; it is the presence of well-being."

Do you ever feel like you're STUCK in survival mode?

Where each day blurs into the next, the cycle repeating ad nauseum, with little excitement on the horizon...where an overwhelming feeling of nothingness overtakes you...and you just can't explain why?

It's not depression...but it is SO far from the happiness and fulfillment we ALL crave as human beings. Corey Keyes has spent most of his life examining this phenomenon. He first set out to write a book about flourishing, a state where we are at our best, brightest, and most fulfilled. But when his research got into full swing, he realized that so many of us might never reach this pinnacle of mental, spiritual, and physical well being...because we were MIRED in languishing. Keyes is very careful to make the distinction between depression and languishing: languishing can keep us it a sort of prolonged state of inaction, uncertainty, and with a vast lack of motivation.

So what to do with these feelings and WHERE do they come from? Keyes spends the majority of the first half of this book going into detail about the spectrum of mental health and where languishing and flourishing fit in. Basically, decreasing depression does NOT automatically increase happiness (which is a strange concept, but Keyes explains it well!) This first section is also informed by Keyes' background in sociology (he is professor emeritus at Emory University), with charts and graphs, background from the Greeks, and emphasizes that our brain and its emotional life is built on a dual continuum: the opposite of happiness is not exactly sadness. He ends Part 1 with stats on the dramatic increase of anxiety and depression across the board, and how these mental illnesses are being recognized in progressively younger people, and how the pharmaceutical industry of course set out to medicate the problems away...but why isn't our Prozac Nation flourishing, the way he believes we should?

Keyes spends all of Part 2 exploring the 5 'vitamins' he feels we should incorporate into daily life to NATURALLY move ourselves from languishing to (hopefully) flourishing. Vitamin 1 is Learning (new hobbies, new information, new skills, etc) Vitamin 2 is Connection (socializing meaningfully with others), Vitamin 3 is Transcend (engaging in spiritual practices, even outside of organized religion), Vitamin 4 revolves around Help (finding your purpose) and Vitamin 5 is Play (just as simple as it sounds). After a fact-heavy first half where I felt that Keyes had teed up his second half nicely, I was eager to learn more about the vitamins and get more of the sociologist's insights on where, when, and how he thought we could integrate some of these ideas into our current technology-obsessed, isolated, overworked-and-underpaid, crumbling post-pandemic planet.

But what I got was a lot of what I would call blatantly obvious (and at times contradictory) advice.

Most of Keyes' second half can be boiled down to basic principles that have been recycled from self-help guides for years and YEARS on end. It almost felt like I was reading a book about physical health that simply advised me to diet and exercise more. This isn't to say that Keyes' ideas are BAD...they just also aren't always practical. For example, at one point Keyes regales us with a tale of a student of his who had trained for a high-paying career (at the urging of her family) but wasn't committed to the career and felt like her 'calling' was elsewhere. She wanted to move abroad and pursue fulfillment alongside a religious man...and ended up doing just that. Now, this is great and nobody would decry the courage of her convictions...but at the SAME time, Keyes doesn't acknowledge the privilege she possessed to be ABLE to make that choice...and how the vast majority of us wouldn't be able to drop everything and pursue a passion, no matter HOW fulfilling.

Keyes mentions some of the HUGE hurdles to humans being able to actually UTILIZE these vitamins on a daily basis, such as income inequality...but simultaneously glosses over their impact. It was so strange to have all of his little 'action points' tossed in at the end of chapters, but they often read more like soundbites than practical, deep advice. I'm not sure if co-writing this with a therapist, psychologist, or mental health professional would have been helpful? (I know some were probably involved in the research, but not in a co-authoring capacity...it makes you wonder!) For instance, another part of the book that jumped out at me as a new-ish mom was the section on postpartum languishing and how this differs from what we know as PPD. I initially was excited to hear that Keyes had spent time specifically on this subset of women and this issue in particular, and was excited to hear his advice, ESPECIALLY after he acknowledged that so many women are truly missing their 'village' and making all of the mom friends they had been promised they would make.

But Keyes' advice? New moms should...make friends with an old guy sitting on a park bench.
...

😣

I know that Keyes meant well. But as much as I agree that being open minded CAN lead you to the kind of friendships and connections you would never find otherwise, I can say with some level of certainty that connecting with fellow moms in a real and authentic way is infinitely more practical (and beneficial) than hoping for a happenstance meeting in a park. This is just one more example that stuck with me as being rooted in a deep 'desire to inspire', but just didn't feel like the spark I needed to really take Keyes' word for it. There are also not one but TWO jaw dropping out-of-left-field revelations about Keyes' own life and mental health struggles that threw me for a loop (TW: very unexpected mention of suicide attempt), so please be forewarned that these WILL come out of left field! ⛔

Keyes has dedicated his life to the concept of flourishing and languishing, and his accomplishments are indelible in the field, not to mention groundbreaking in many respects. But despite the deep respect and admiration I have for this author at this intense look at what makes us languish or flourish as humans, I think this magnum opus would have served the populous best as a dissertation rather than an attempt at a 'plan of action' orchestration.

3.5 stars

[Jess · Rating 1 out of 5]

I’m uncomfortable with the way the author talks about mental illness/depression vs the concept of languishing. In chapter four, he essentially tells readers that their mental health medications related to “chemical imbalances” (which he deems are farce) are probably making their lives worse and they’d be no worse off if they didn’t take them; they might be better even! I hope no one takes advice on stopping their medication from a book. He also quotes other doctors who have, at best, problematic views on certain mind-body related conditions, so ultimately this one did not work for me and I wouldn’t recommend.

[Bonny · Rating 3 out of 5]

I thought that Languishing was a book that had been pretty much written for me once I read the summary, so I was a bit surprised to find that it was just average after reading it. Corey Keyes first does a decent job defining the terms he is talking about. Languishing is an “absence of wellbeing that millions of people were experiencing but found hard to put into words” during the Covid-19 pandemic. He explains that this state of mind involves a lack of excitement, community disconnection, and “the constant feeling of unease that you’re missing something that will make your life feel complete.” Languishing is not depression or sadness, but Keyes does say it is the opposite of flourishing.

The author then goes on to discuss the daily practices he feels are necessary to move from languishing to flourishing: Learn Something New, Build Trusting Relationships, Move Closer to the Infinite, Find Your Purpose, and Play. Do any of these sound familiar? I haven't read a lot of self-help, but I think that these things have been mentioned in almost every self-help book available. I can't argue with any of them; they are so obvious as to almost be common sense.

While I respect Mr. Keyes' research in flourishing/languishing, some of his action plans seemed a bit vague to me and I'm afraid they would also feel overly forced. I think that the pandemic was an obvious time for so many people to feel as if they were languishing; before vaccines, we needed to be mired in a state of languishing to feel safe. But I also think that languishing has been a "normal" state for me after times of great change such as having children, the kids leaving home when they are grown, changing jobs, or or retiring from work. I view it as a time where I've paused and asked myself "What's next?". It's not just a stop on the way to flourishing or happiness, but using periodic languishing can be a way toward finding contentment. I think this subject and pertinent information could have been better presented as an article or TED talk.

[Rebecca · Rating 3 out of 5]

My husband and I both agreed with pretty much all the self-test statements in the Introduction. And I imagine it’s similar for many others in our generation. The main argument here, in opposition to Gretchen Rubin et al., is that happiness is not the right aim but, instead, flourishing, which is a sign of good mental health. To flourish, he says, you need to remain curious and learning, have warm and trusting relationships, have a spiritual practice, live with purpose, and have play activities.

An odd point: he denies that there is any evidence of chemical imbalance in mental illnesses. (But he’s a sociologist, not a medical doctor/researcher.)

Some good quotes:

“Some of us must face the fact that we made all the ‘right’ choices—we have everything we thought we wanted—yet we still feel unfulfilled.”

“If you follow your own instincts rather than someone else’s idea of what you should do, purpose can sometimes turn up when you least expect it. But you have to be open to it. If you put yourself into the right places, a time might come when something calls to you—this is why you’ve been placed here, on this earth, at this moment. Be ready when the call comes.”

“you will be lucky if work is the place where you find your cause, your most authentic expression of your purpose. Unfortunately for the vast majority of us, the scientific data suggests that it is rare for work and purpose in life to merge, to be on the same page.”

[toin · Rating 2 out of 5]

I languished through this

[Sarah Cupitt · Rating 3 out of 5]

So 'Languishing' is the middle child of mental health? Noting the author is not a psychologist but a sociologist AND AMERICAN (and the book focused on community and our relationships with ourselves and other people). Some interesting notes from this book - a pervasive state of emptiness, lack of motivation, and disconnection from life, distinct from depression

MAIN TAKEAWAYS:
1. In 2014, a surprising study found that many people would rather give themselves electric shocks than be alone in a room for 15 minutes with no distractions. What this experiment reveals is just how much we dread languishing –⁠ that stagnant, isolated, purposeless state.
2. people often avoid journeys of self-improvement due to a psychological need to maintain self-consistency – their pre-existing notions about their identity. This protective bias can ironically inhibit the very growth they innately desire.
3. shockingly, only around 15 percent of adults view their jobs as allowing them to contribute to society

Notes:
- languishing, is a prevalent yet often overlooked experience that can significantly impact your well-being (this might sound a lot like depression, but it’s a different and distinct state)
- makes sense that covid 19 made a case study example
- Often, it’s a result of alienation and the obsession with status on social media causing young people to believe that they have nothing to contribute to society. (interesting take i guess)
- A 2021 study found that 61 percent of young adults aged 18 to 25 said they’d experienced deep, pervasive loneliness in the past month. Modern people’s lives have become increasingly disconnected, with more people living alone and with fewer community ties than ever before.
- Loneliness and experiences of discrimination activate a genetic response to adversity called the conserved transcriptional response to adversity –⁠ CTRA for short. It’s triggered when your mind senses a threat, and it causes sustained inflammation in your body. Inflammation helps you recover from injury and infection, but as a continual response to emotional, social, or financial stressors, it’s deeply harmful. A regularly activated CTRA increases your risk of developing cancer, heart disease, and mental health issues.
- Flourishing –⁠ the opposite of languishing –⁠ is the feeling that your life has meaning, purpose, and importance.
- five key “vitamin” activities: learning something new, connecting with others, engaging in spiritual practices, living your purpose, and making time for play. In the next section, we’ll cover each of these vitamins in turn. (ugh really again with spirituality)
- Discovering a new interest or skill, purely by chance and solely for personal satisfaction, can be an incredibly powerful antidote to languishing. After all, your self-identity is continually shaped by the stories you tell about your life –⁠ the personal narratives that define who you think you are. When you choose to learn something new, it alters these self-narratives in meaningful and empowering ways. It gives you an enhanced sense of purpose and increases your sense that you’re developing as a person –⁠ thereby increasing your flourishing.
- For real self-change to occur, you need to hit the sweet spot of “manageable difficulty” –⁠ adversities or challenges that exceed your current capabilities but still feel surmountable with sincere effort. Too much adversity can utterly overwhelm and dysregulate you, but too little provides no catalyst for positive change.
- It’s easy to chase success and achievements, yet still feel a profound sense of emptiness. That’s because purpose goes far beyond “success” –⁠ it lies at the intersection of your passions, the chance to help others, and leaving a positive mark on the world.
- One path to purpose is through volunteering and consistent community service. Psychological research shows that people who volunteer locally and stay engaged with causes they care about tend to experience greater psychological well-being
- finding purpose is highly personal and can shift across life stages. A young adult may derive purpose from traveling and expanding their horizons. A parent might find purpose in the sacrifices they make to provide opportunities for their children. At an older age, reconnecting with causes and giving back wisdom can reignite purpose.
- play offers adults profound benefits to combat languishing. It lowers stress, reconnects us to our imaginations, and helps us approach life with excitement (lil obvs)

[Vivian · Rating 2 out of 5]

Might relate to me, at times.

There's something interesting stuff, but the hyper-achieving examples are perhaps a bit off-putting. Combined with the dumpster-fire childhood, which, hey, I get. I described mine as being born into the crucible but, again, perhaps not necessarily the most relatable to readers. It seemed like it was trying to hard??? Being the annoying cheerleader, not the one that made you want to cheer.

That's all folks.

[Elizabeth · Rating 4 out of 5]

I enjoyed this book and learned a good deal. Languishing is something I think we all face at some point in our lives, and Keyes gives insight into how to combat it. He includes a lot of his own experiences, but it wasn’t enough to move this from research-based to memoir. Every major chapter ends with an Action Plan with questions or consider, actions to take, or things to contemplate. This doesn’t read like a book on how to stop languishing, though it does cover that. It more explains languishing, its impacts, its struggles, etc. Keyes writes in a manner that is approachable for any audience; he avoid sounding like academic or theoretical. He presents the material in a way that is understandable and relatable for the average person. The book was very interesting.
I received an ARC from NetGalley.

[Melissa P. · Rating 5 out of 5]

🫠 Won in a giveaway 💙

This is a really good self help book. Depression is a word people may hear often, but, at least for me, languishing isn't. This book dives deep into the difference. While I have been focused on my anxiety and times of depression, I didn't look too much into languishing. This book makes a lot of sense for me. This author writes about going from languishing to flourishing. It gives a lot of examples of people who went through it and what they did to help themselves. It talks about how we give up play too early in our younger years because we feel too old. Doing little mundane tasks like cleaning your house can be more fun if you make a game out of it. I liked that idea. It also talks about us feeling better when we feel like we have purpose. That could be volunteering, helping someone in need, just dedicating your time to help someone or a worthy cause. Depending on your mindset, this may seem difficult, but it talks about starting small. I loved the advice in this book and highly recommend it. You're never too old to play and enjoy life and I hope that you do. Thank you to the author, Corey Keyes, Crown Publishing and Goodreads for my free copy. Happy reading. 🫶🫶

[Soha Ashraf · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book delves into common topics that every self-help book contains like emotions, passion and meditation with a little bit of spirituality in the last part of the book. However, it didn't have anything special or new for me.

[Natalie Park · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thank you to Net Galley and Crown Publishing for the ARC in exchange for my honest review. This book delves into the idea of languishing, different from depression and burnout, a term coined by the author where one feels emotionally flat, unease, inevitability, procrastination, disconnected, loss of meaning in one's job, brain fog, unsure of opinions and lack motivation. In reading the book, I could relate to these feelings of being blah, checked out and not invested in one's life - a numbness. The first part is a deep dive into what languishing is and how our culture and society play a large part in the pervasive idea that we, on our own, should be able to deal with it and correct it. The author provides action plans and steps to reframe our idea of who we are and to become more resilient to negative thoughts about ourselves. The second part is how to deal with languishing and how to get help - self-growth, building relationships, acceptance of ourselves as we are, finding purpose and incorporating play into our lives. I enjoyed this book and the key ideas were great reminders of how everyone can to move towards a happier life.

[Lesa · Rating 5 out of 5]

Good summary of research. Lack of depression, anxiety (etc) doesn’t mean you are flourishing! Get out there and interact and play and do something good and meaningful!

[Jane · Rating 4 out of 5]

I don’t read a lot of self-help books, but like a lot of people post-pandemic, I find that I am struggling to stay engaged and find energy and meaning. Languishing wants to take its readers from languishing to flourishing. Author Keyes hit home with me right from this passage in the Introduction: “The simple question ‘How are you?’ can feel like an unwelcome pop quiz, leaving you casting about for a socially acceptable response, not quite knowing the answer yourself.” Keyes includes a list of 12 symptoms of languishing, and all 12 of them rang true.

That said, I don’t feel like this book presented me with a clear path to change. I agreed with a lot of what I was reading (much of which I’ve read elsewhere but not all in one place), but I don’t feel inspired to run out and act on the Action Plans. I guess that’s the real challenge though, if you aren’t feeling inspired, to find inspiration and change.

Some of the sad but true areas the author covers are an epidemic of loneliness, the need for a certain amount of adversity to find a high life satisfaction, the necessity of finding purpose in life, and the joy of play. The chapter on play especially resonated with me. He writes about how many people these days are so obsessed with documenting whatever they are doing that they forgot to live in the moment. A lesson for everyone: “Don’t let your smartphone and your obsession with social media remove all the joy from your joy, okay?” (chapter 9)

This book is part memoir and part self-help. The author lived through an abusive childhood and continues to struggle with his own mental health. This helped me feel that this person at least understands what he is writing about. I also agree with him that we need to spend more time, money and effort on mental health, not just mental illness.

This is a gently encouraging book that I continue to think about. If you are feeling worn down and are struggling to find meaning, you may find Languishing worth a read. I read an advance reader copy of Languishing.

[Michael Burnam-Fink · Rating 3 out of 5]

Languishing presents an interesting framework for mental wellness, brought down a kind of gloss over the realm struggles that people face in their lives. Keyes is a professor of sociology who has focused his career on happiness and mental health not merely as the absence of diagnosable mental illnesses like depression, anxiety, schizophrenia, etc, but as a positive quality in and of itself. The opposite of flourishing, of leading the good life, is languishing.

The first half of the book is devoted to alarming statistics about languishing, and how it is associated with worse outcomes across the lifespan, from teen suicide to broken marriages to listless careers and golden years cut prematurely short. There is some moderate crankiness about how anti-depressants don't really work (let's just say the biological underpinnings of mood are hard). Having thoroughly laid out the case for languishing as a problem, Keyes lays out his five "vitamins" for curing languishing.

Every day you should:
* Learn something
* Have a meaningful human connection
* Seek spirituality
* Find meaning in your labor
* Play!

Cool.

Cool cool cool.

Okay, I firmly believe that all of the above are good ideas, but have you tried being alive in 2024? I'll get right on not languishing once I deal with some other things.


This Is Fine by KC Green

[Vicky · Rating 4 out of 5]

This was very interesting.

The author is not a psychologist but a sociologist, which is a good thing to keep in mind while reading the book because it is focused on community and our relationships with ourselves and other people.

His main premise is that we are not one-dimensional beings, and our feelings are not either/or, neither is our mental health. If you don't have a mental illness, it doesn't mean that you are flourishing. And even if you have one, it doesn't mean you cannot flourish. The author then proceeds to describe five areas that can help us live more fulfilling lives: learning for self-growth, quality relationships, spirituality, life purpose, and play.

It's a well-structured book that offers personal stories, research, and action plans for each of the areas. I found some things better explained and helpful than others. I was left with some questions, and some of his advice is easier to implement than others. However, I appreciate the conversation about how a lack of close-knit communities is affecting our well-being and the idea that if one isn't depressed, it doesn't mean one is automatically happy.

[Whitney · Rating 2 out of 5]

This book did little to alleviate my state of languishing or help me feel alive again. It was sound in its thesis and most of the research and points valid but I felt like the author brought too much of his personal experience into the narrative. In some places it almost felt like how dare you privileged people feel bad given how much I have suffered and overcome in my life which might be valid but also wasn't a good fit for this format.
Also, this was one of those narrators for the audiobook that made me want to throw things against the wall.

[Bev O · Rating 2 out of 5]

Keyes based his self-help advice on personal observations and literature reviews. He didn’t find a way to measure languishing or test his “action items” to determine effectiveness. There’s nothing new or useful here.

[Shell Ballenger · Rating 2 out of 5]

Type of read: Commuter Read.

What made me pick it up: Seemed oddly fitting for our world today. Additionally, I'm using it as my book for the TN R.E.A.D.S prompt of reading a book by or about a medical professional. I know I'm taking some liberties with the medical professional piece of things, but mental health is important, and I can read what I want. 😝

Overall rating: I'm not normally a big self-help book girl, but something about 'Languishing' stuck out to me, causing me to rent it from my local library. Like with any self help book, I don't think what the author writes on the page is the end all be all. If we could all be 'cured' by a single book, what a world it would be. I do, however, think it's up to us as readers to take the little nuggets that we read and apply them to our own lives to be the best person we can be - to ourselves and others. There's a lot to slog through with 'Languishing' but I do think that Keyes has a few golden nuggets that I will take and apply to myself. While I'm not sure that I agree with Keyes that if you're not flourishing, you're languishing, I do see why Keyes put it on a spectrum like that, and I think I could use that spectrum for a more focused self-check-in. But realistically, I don't think emotional, mental, and physical well-being are great on a limited linear spectrum.

Overall, I felt like 'Languishing' was dense and a little short-sighted with the approach that being a good human and working on your own languishing/flourishing cycle is as simple as changing your mindset and being aware of your surroundings and the reaction to those. As Keyes should know, for some individuals, that is simply not chemically possible without the assistance of outside help (drugs - prescribed or otherwise, counseling, therapy, meditation, etc.)

As I saw some other reviewers say - please do not take your health advice, especially that of what medications you should or should not be taking - from a random self-help book you picked up to read. Only you and your doctor can make the decisions on what is working for your body. As an individual who actively takes store-bought serotonin, I fully know I'm much better of a person when I take that little pill than I am when I don't. Do not let a random author tell you what to do with your medical needs simply based on an overgeneralization that selfishly supports their own research and viewpoint. I do have to add, for some of the research and studies Keyes included in 'Languishing,' I found myself wondering what the control was, what the length of the study was, if long-term studies had taken place, and how measurements - specifically for things that are as obtuse as feelings and emotions - where scaled and weighted.

Reader's Note: 'Languishing' is a "self-help" book that openly talks about mental health, mental health struggles, and the various side effects of poor and/or untreated mental health including things like self-harm, negative self-talk, or suicidal ideations, suicide, etc.

[Tiago · Rating 5 out of 5]

Lovely book.

I thought it would be a shallow self-help book. But it is a book by a sociologist and professor who pioneered positive psychology and is a reference to psychologists.

One of the core ideas is that good mental health is not tied to the absence (or presence) or mental illnesses. You can be in great mental health - flourishing - or in low mental health - languishing.

Languishing is when you don’t feel you are moving forward, when you think you should be happy but you just can’t feel happy. It’s not depression. But it’s n important state of mind that people should understand and know how to name.

The book is full of explanations, advice, data, and overall tries to encourage the reader to build ways to go from languishing to flourishing. The author shares some of his personal story too, which is very relevant to the topic. I also found it quite interesting some points about how society is failing people by not providing the structure people need to flourish, by putting it all on the individual (it’s on you to find support, to find time, to hustle, to build community, etc).

I have certainly had my periods of languishing, and still do sometimes. This book helped me put an interesting perspective on it all.

[Daniel · Rating 4 out of 5]

Keyes' Languishing is an excellent read if you've been searching for a name for the blah feeling in your life that isn't quite deep depression but is certainly not being well. It provides a useful vocabulary to express a condition we normally lump with depression or burnout (and it can certainly be associated with them), and the antithesis of that state, flourishing. The book is roughly one-third explaining what languishing is and its symptoms, then two-thirds going over the author's researched model for fighting languishing, what he calls the five vitamins of flourishing (the section on Play was, for me, the most useful). Languishing is primarily a sociology book, not a self-help book; its conversational narrative is more concerned with the scientific research and data on the subject, although it does discuss methods of combating languishing and has calls to action in each chapter.

[libreroaming · Rating 3 out of 5]

2.5 rounded up. Some helpful information, but a lot of it was padded. And I think the comments about how chemical medication for depression sounded dismissive as a whole, when nobody would say bipolar or schizophrenic people just need flourishing lives. Overmedication is a concern, but human brains that have drastically low production rates of serotonin or dopamine aren't fabrications.

[Susie · Rating 3 out of 5]

This book does a great job of defining languishing. But it was a drag to read SO much about things that feel so familiar & honestly I don’t feel much different now. Audio narration is strangely perky at times. I didn’t enjoy this.

[L]

Like the sociological perspective on what is often a psychological topic. In the conclusion, the author calls for a need for a focus on mental health.

[Sorin Lucanu · Rating 5 out of 5]

Thank you for this, I needed it soo much.

[Ian Drew · Rating 4 out of 5]

High level, but helpful. A nice reminder, and de facto validation, of how our lifestyles and how we choose to live are another tool for us to self-improve. It's increasingly easy to lose sight of meaning and purpose, and reclaiming it again is no easy road.

Having felt myself slip into a languishing period, on the cusp of (yet another) depressive spell, I found this book to be a helpful nudge back in the right direction.

[Andrew · Rating 5 out of 5]

One of the best books I’ve read this year.

[Heidi · Rating 4 out of 5]

Thoroughly researched over many years, the subject of our spirit-mind’s health is treated here with thoughtfulness and practical help. Among my favourite quotes is this: Be a better gatekeeper. We are the mental gatekeepers of what we want to let inside us. What we choose to pay attention to is what we allow inside us and therefore what we allow to influence our brains and behavior. Our attention is our doorman, our security detail. You cannot always choose who comes into your home, but you usually get to decide who gets to stay.

[Dan Connors · Rating 4 out of 5]

"Languishing is the neglected middle child of mental health. It’s the void between depression and flourishing — the absence of well-being. You don’t have symptoms of mental illness, but you’re not the picture of mental health either. You’re not functioning at full capacity. Languishing dulls your motivation, disrupts your ability to focus, and triples the odds that you’ll cut back on work. It appears to be more common than major depression — and in some ways it may be a bigger risk factor for mental illness." Adam Grant


How are you doing these days? Some of us are doing better than others, and we are all struggling through a stressful period in history. So much seems to hang in the balance. But let's put aside all of the worldwide and national problems for a moment and look deep inside the dark and mysterious world of mental health. For about one in six of us, serious mental illness prevents us from functioning. These are the people with depression, anxiety, substance abuse issues, and all the rest of the mental health morass that seems to befuddle us and the medical profession. For another one in six, things are going very well. They have meaning to their lives, friends, family, growth and a deep sense of belonging. They are the lucky ones.


For the other two thirds (or four sixths if you don't do math), there is the nebulous term of languishing that has become trendy since the pandemic descended on our lives. People who are languishing feel stuck, unmotivated, disconnected, and are just going through the motions of life unable to feel like it could get better. Politics are a mess, the economy has become more and more unfair, and big problems seem to be popping up with little hope of solving them.


This middling world of mental dysfunction is the topic of the new book, Languishing, by Corey Keyes. Keyes is a sociology professor who has done extensive work on human happiness and mental health, drawing a lot of lessons from his own dysfunctional childhood, which he uses a lot in this book.


Keyes doesn't go much into medical and psychological treatments for severely depressed or anxious people. He is not a medical professional and is looking at the issue from a different perspective. He sees languishing as a growing problem, especially in a world where relationships with screens are on the rise along with loneliness and isolation. Keyes compares it to its opposite- flourishing. Flourishing is the ultimate goal for human functioning- for feeling healthy, connected, and fully alive. Flourishing and purpose seem out of reach for many of us, who are content with the emptiness of languishing because at least we can take our minds off of it with all the diversions that modern life offers.


According to Keys, flourishing is divided into three central areas of life- emotional, social, and psychological well-being. It's possible to be high on one scale and low on another one. He sees mental health as a patchwork of attitudes, and not an all-or-nothing sick or healthy dichotomy. Which makes sense, as all through life we fluctuate between highs and lows depending on how our lives are doing at the moment.


The following concepts seem to be key to flourishing and are taken from his test:

Being interested in life

Feeling like you had something important to contribute to the world

A feeling of genuine belonging to a community

The belief that people are basically good.

You have warm and trusting relationships with others.

You have experiences that challenge you to grow and become a better person.

You feel confident to think for yourself and express your own ideas and opinions.

Managing the responsibilities of your daily life is getting done.

You are happy.

Your life has a sense of direction and meaning to it.


Much of the emphasis in daily life goes to individual achievements. Awards, grades, salaries, possessions, and milestones matter more than happiness. They define a life well lived for so many, but leave a void inside that leads to imposter syndrome. I may achieve a lot, but do my parents love me unconditionally? Am I my job, or do I have a higher purpose? There are so many unanswered questions, that they can lead to languishing when they aren't addressed. At the heart of things, we all want to feel loved, respected, and acknowledged by others for who we really are. Humans are social animals to the core, and we need each other much more than we'd like to admit.


Keyes devotes much of the book to his five foundations for true flourishing. Many of us try these things but do them more performatively to get something for ourselves.


Flourishing people want to learn new things. They are curious about the world and willing to take on new ideas, environments, and challenges from a deep need to grow as a person. Languishing people learn as little as necessary, and latch onto that knowledge even when it fails to serve them anymore.

To flourish, you have to build warm, trusting relationships. We need friends who are willing to be with us through good and bad times, hearing our pain and listening to our stories with deep interest. True friendships like that are hard to find and harder to maintain, but they are a key to feeling loved and connected. Transactional friendships or Facebook friends are shallower and less dependable. We can accumulate dozens and dozens of these types of friends, but we rarely feel comfortable sharing deep feelings with most of them.

We all need to feel some sense of transcendence, awe, and connection with something good and bigger than ourselves. For some this might be religion, and for others it might be spirituality or meditation. If we only live in the nitty gritty of what's empirically visible, we miss out on what can't be seen- only felt. Languishing results from a lack of experiencing the divine, in whatever form that might take for you. The thought that life is meaningless and cruel will take the motivation out of anybody, which leads us to number four.

To flourish, you have to find a purpose for your life. This is the central question that so many of us wrestle with our entire lives. Who am I? Why am I here? What makes me special and how can I use it to help others? For many of us, finding a purpose is a trial and error thing that can be frustrating. But once one is found (and we can have multiple purposes during our lives), things start to flow all in the right direction. Not having a purpose hits hardest at those who are elderly, sick, or poor. It can even it those who look outwardly successful, if that success is in a field they detest. Languishing comes from giving up on having a purpose, either drifting aimlessly or mindlessly giving your life over to someone else's plans.

Everybody needs to play, not just children. And by play, we mean active, fun activities that stir the imagination and bring us closer together with others. Many languishers think of play as a structured activity that everybody else is doing- like organized sports where winning and beating others is the goal. Sports can be fun, but at a high level they rarely are. Passive activities like watching movies or doom-scrolling on a phone may feel addictive and entertaining, but that wears off quickly. True flourishing comes from actively seeking out fun experiences while connecting with others. And not keeping score.


It was interesting to look at mental health from someone who is not a health professional. We all have opinions on what makes people happy, and Professor Keyes backs up his ideas with stories and studies that explain his points. Mental health is a neglected topic, and isn't just the absence of mental illness. It's a continuum, just like everything else in life. The lower on the continuum we are, the more vulnerable we become to serious mental and physical ailments, and the higher we are, the more likely we will die feeling like we had a life full of love and meaning. Definitely food for thought.

[Angela · Rating 2 out of 5]

Not really my cup of tea - there were parts where I just don’t agree with and it felt like it was glazing over issues.

[Chris Boutté · Rating 5 out of 5]

This is a super good book, I have an issue with it that I’ll discuss later, but I will say that I think it’s worth the read. Corey Keyes researches “languishing”, which he explains is different than depression. The best way I can describe it is as feeling “meh” about life. I believe Adam Grant helped popularize the term at the beginning of the pandemic.

There’s a lot to appreciate about this book aside from Keyes giving the reader tools to get their life to a place where they’re flourishing and truly appreciating everything life has to offer. In addition to this, I love how he explains that there’s a big difference between mental health and the lack of mental illness. I also respect the author for being extremely open, honest, and vulnerable about his own life’s struggles.

The issue I have is a personal one. Although Keyes explains how languishing is different than depression, I just think we’ve been overcomplicating far too many things. Personally, I’d say just call it depression, but that’s just me. If someone came to me and said they were depressed and explained the symptoms from this book, I’d feel like a major d-bag saying, “Actually, that sounds more like languishing.” And to be honest, all of the remedies in this book can be found in any book that’s trying to help people with depression.

Again, this is a great book that I’d definitely recommend for people not feeling great about life. I also understand if he just titled the book something about depression, it could get lost in a sea of these books, but yeah, we’re making up way too many words for stuff in my opinion.