What to Say to Get Your Way: The Magic Words that Guarantee Better, More Effective Communication

by John Boswell

A snappy book of simple conversational swaps that reveals how to talk so everyone will listen

Words matter. They can inform, soothe, sting, reverberate, and leave scars. And the wrong words can turn off—literally— the listener, transforming what should be an exchange of information, feelings, and ideas into dead air time. So many of our dialogues with others are like scripts—we say the same things, ask the same questions, react in the same ways, and get the same (predictably bad) responses. Our verbal interactions with others often illustrate that famous definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different response. With quick-take visuals and a smart sense of how human beings really talk to each other, Say This, Not That can turn dead air time into something productive. It’s a simple, effective toolbox that will train anyone to say what he means effectively and powerfully.

Genres: Self Help, Nonfiction

156 pages, Kindle Edition

First published August 31, 2010

About the author

Librarian note: There is more than one author by this name in the database. See authors with similar names.

Reviews

[Dean]

A quick and easy to read book to improve interpersonal connection that is less about jedi-mind trickery and more about good, conversational manners. A bit lacking in overall substance but a decent read if you're not in the mood for anything too heavy.

[Leslie]

The title of this book caught my eye on one of the shelves at the library so I picked it up. The introduction wasn't bad and the chapters are short. I learned a lot of phrases I will adopt in using my everyday communication skills.

[Shikha]

This book promises to provide readers with strong communication tactics using "magic words" to better their personal and professional relationships. While the book contains some useful advice on what to say and, more significantly, what not to say, its overall usefulness in real-world applications falls short.

In my own experience, several of the proposed strategies have not worked as well as the book suggests, leaving it feeling divorced from the complexities of actual communication. The one-size-fits-all approach to human interaction lacks context and a thorough knowledge of how diverse people and situations are. While the objectives behind the advice are sound, the ideas' excessively broad breadth makes the book feel like a shallow read.

[Kathy]

This book’s premise is fantastic. I love the format but it is already dated. The copyright date is 2010 and 10 years later some of the “say this instead” phrases would not come across as polite or respectful. I would love to see an updated version of this book because the concept is easy to read which makes this readily accessible to a wide range of people in a variety of situations.

[Megan]

I picked this up because it was on my shelving cart at the library but I learned absolutely nothing new. People around me could benefit from reading it but it was mainly common sense / a buzzfeed list of say this not this. My mistake for reading something 10+ years old and expecting new ideas without checking Goodreads first oops.

[Natasa Sears]

I feel that the book could've had more pages, which would allow it to offer more than just a superficial introduction into the chapters.
Expanding with some real life examples as well as explaining pshychology behind phrases and their effect of people would've improved book. And many more phrases would've been a good idea, rather than just fill the pages with big speach bubbles.

[Jacqueline]

This was a super easy and quick read on interpersonal skills. Most of the tips were obvious or apparent. Others not so much. Regardless, this book is useful. The corporate world can be daunting and using this as an aid would benefit almost anyone. It's worth the read!

[Ronski]

A very easy read and quite entertaining. I would say this book is best described as a reminder that the subtleties of our interactions are the key influence on a positive or negative outcome.

[Jose]

It's not for everybody

[Norshafarina Faharuddin]

For leisure reading.
Minimal content but helpful.
Choice of word is matter, that is what this book all about

[Jp]

Def Dated, But the concepts are fascinating. Quite a good book on how to manipulate the words in your favor. Def a big help in any negotiation.

[David]

I'm glad I borrowed it from a library and didn't pay for it as there is not a whole lot of content in there. What is there is a body of examples of good reframing but I would have preferred more of the "how to say it", backed up by the good examples of "what to say".

[Sharmayne]

I think the author wrote this before lunch, really, it could have been a magazine article.

[Wan Faizuddin]

A great book to be read at leisure. Common conversation can be heart-pleasing to both parties by the choice of the right words. This book sums it all.

[Jack Skubal]

I think this was a very helpful book for those who are unable to get their point across. It is definitely worth reading.

[Frank Taranto]

A short little book on being polite when you talk to people.